Tabula Rasa
by Maetro
Summary: A car accident leaves Emily with no memory of the last ten years of her life, including befriending Spencer, Hannah and Aria, completing high school, graduating from university, or coming out, and her relationship with Paige.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note** : So, I'm probably insane for doing this, with how much I have going on right now, But, I've had this story idea rattling around in my head for weeks now, to the point where it's invading my brain nearly every waking moment. So, here goes guys, another Paily fic.

Let me know what you think, whether or not you'd like me to continue.

 **Chapter 1**

Emily came awake slowly, awareness trickling in. First it was sound, steady beeps, whirring, soft whooshing, the faint murmur of voices. Then it was sensation, a dull ache that seemed to throb through her entire body, pulsing with each beat of her heart, as well as a sharper, more constant pain in her leg. There was the sense of pressure against her shoulder, and a lighter touch against the opposite hand. Following quickly was smell, harsh and chemical, with something softer, sweeter underlying it. Finally, was sight, as she blinked open heavy eyelids, groaning immediately as harsh fluorescents burned from overhead.

The pressure against her arm increased, as someone softly called her name. "Emily? Em? Em, can you hear me?"

Groaning once again she turned her head towards the sound of the voice and pried her eyes open once again. As her vision cleared she found herself face to face with an ashen looking Spencer Hastings. Her brow furrowed as she tried to figure out why Spencer would be standing over her, in what was clearly a hospital room, she realized, looking disheveled and worn, as if she hadn't slept in days. The two of them had been classmates for years, but never really friends. Emily's lack of academic ambition and athletic drive meant Spencer had little time or patience for her. She seemed to be barely restraining annoyance whenever they interacted, whether it was an assigned project in class or on the field in PE.

She cast about in her memory, trying to recall if there had been some kind of altercation between the two of them. Had Spencer's on the field aggression resulted in some kind of injury? She'd seen the girl wield a hockey stick, so she knew it wasn't exactly an unfounded conclusion.

Nothing came to mind though. The last thing she remembered was….her breath caught in her throat as she realized that she couldn't really recall anything. She tried to visualize the last thing she'd done, or said, or even thought, but it was like her mind was covered in a thick, dark fog.

She tried to speak, but her throat was dry from disuse and her words came out as an unintelligible gurgle, followed by a hoarse, wracking cough that made her wince as pain radiated down the left side of her body.

"Hey. You're okay." Spencer's voice was softer than she'd ever heard it. She felt the pressure against her hand increase and glanced down, seeing that Spencer was holding her hand, squeezing it reassuringly, her hand stroking across the backs of Emily's knuckles. "Here. Have a bit of water." She raised the cup in her free hand to Emily's lips, letting her take a short sip from the straw before pulling it away. "Not too much," she warned, even though Emily's throat felt like it was parched.

She tried to speak again, her second attempt no more clear than her first.

"Easy." Spencer lightly brushed a few tendrils of hair away from your face. "You're okay. You had an accident. You're in the hospital."

Emily nodded. That much she had figured out for herself.

"Do you….do you remember what happened?"

Emily shook her head, frowning as she tried to remember and continued drawing a blank.

"That's okay. You're okay." Spencer squeezed her hand again, her free hand extending over Emily's head. She followed the movement with her eyes, realizing that the pressure against her shoulder was somebody's head. A shock of blond hair that was the sweet smelling scent that had invaded her nostrils. Something light and fruity, strawberry, maybe.

"Huh? What?" The head shot up so quickly that Emily winced in sympathy at the pain that must have sent shooting down their neck. Whoever it was. "What the hell, Spence?"

Her eyes followed the sound of the voice to roam across the features of the face, seeking out their identity. Again, she found herself feeling confused as Hannah Marin's big blue eyes grew even bigger.

If Spencer's presence here was a mystery, than Hannah's was confounding. At least she and Spencer travelled somewhat in the same circles. Emily didn't think she'd exchanged more than a few words with Hannah since she'd transferred to Rosewood in the third grade.

"You're awake," Hannah's voice was soft, hushed. She raised her gaze once again to Spencer. "She's awake. Did you call a doctor? Did you call-"

"The nurses will have seen the change in her readings. A doctor will be here momentarily, I'm sure," Spencer said. "And, yes, I just texted them." She held up her cell phone, wiggling it as if in evidence.

No sooner than the words had left her mouth, the door to her hospital room swung open so quickly, and with such force, that it bounced off the opposite wall and came careening back towards the two girls that came rushing through it.

"Whoa there." Spencer hurried across the small space to catch its edge, just as the shorter of the two put an arm out, blocking it from colliding with them. "Easy. Don't need two more concussions today.'

Emily watched the exchange with interest, and curiosity, as well as no small measure of confusion. The two girls looked familiar, though she couldn't place either one. She was pretty sure that she went to school with both of them, she had a vague impression of seeing them around in the hallways, in classrooms.

"Oh, thank God." Emily watched in growing consternation as the girl with the wide, doe eyes, looked increasingly like she was going to cry. "We were so worried about you, Em." She rushed to Emily's bedside and nearly flung herself across Emily's body, stopping herself at the last minute, when Spencer laid a cautioning hand on her arm and murmured "Aria," softly, halting her progress.

"Sorry," Aria whispered, reaching out to squeeze her hand instead.. "I'm just…we're all just so glad that you're awake. That you're okay."

Emily smiled weakly, somehow, she had a feeling that was debatable.

All eyes, including her own, turned to the girl who remained hovering in the doorway, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. Her eyes were big and bright, shining with moisture, with emotion. One side of her mouth was quirked upwards, as if she were a beat away from a grin, but her brows were furrowed and her jaw was clenched.

"Paige?" Hannah called softly, moving away from Emily's side to approach the other girl.

As soon as Hannah was within reach, she wrapped an arm around Paige's shoulder, and the other girl seemed to sag into her.

"It's all right," Hannah whispered, hugging her tightly. "She's all right."

Emily bit her lip and turned away from the exchange, feeling like she was encroaching on a private moment. She caught the eyes of the other two, who were watching her carefully. She offered up a weak smile, and got beaming ones in return.

She heard shuffling, and turned her head towards the sound to find Hannah and Paige moving slowly towards her. Tears were running freely down Paige's cheeks, she made no move to check them as she approached.

"Oh, Em," she breathed as she reached Emily's bedside, the tears falling harder now as she cupped Emily's face, her thumb stroking her cheek softly.

Her breath hitched in her throat at the touch, her stomach fluttering uncomfortably in her chest at the way Paige's eyes drifted closed, a sigh passing her lips.

She glanced over at the other girls, to find their eyes averted, her gaze returning to Paige's in time to find her lids fluttering back open. "Emily."

Emily's breath caught in her throat once again as Paige leaned down and brushed her lips against her forehead. She swallowed hard against the lump in her throat, then resisted the urge to jerk away as Paige's lips ghosted against her cheek. Her body stiffened in surprise as Paige's lips pressed lightly against her own, a chaste but lingering kiss. It was soft, almost reverent, and tasted of the salt on Paige's skin, tangy and sharp from the recent…current, bout of tears. She let out a soft gasp, the sound muffled by Paige's mouth as she deepened the kiss slightly, just the hint of her tongue pressing against Emily's lower lip before she pulled away, burying her face in the side of Emily's neck, hot tears soaking her skin.

She lay there stunned, staring up at the ceiling.

She opened her mouth to convey her confusion, when a new voice, a man's voice, filled the room.

"I see our patient is awake."

Emily turned to him, blinking in incomprehension.

"I'm Dr. Marshall. I know you're probably feeling a bit out of sorts," he said softly, moving to her side, the opposite one Paige was sitting at. "It's perfectly normal, nothing at all to be concerned about. But, I'd still like to do a brief exam. Make sure that everything is up to snuff. That all right?"

Emily nodded, feeling more like she was being informed than asked.

"All right. Let's get started then. Do you know who you are?"

She nodded.

"I'm going to need you to say it for me."

"Emily Michelle Fields."

"Very good."

"What year were you born?"

"1990."

"Do you know where you are?"

"The hospital."

"Philadelphia Pres. Yes. Do you remember what happened?"

Emily thought back, once again trying to access her memories, and once again drawing a blank. She shook her head, frowning. "No."

"It's all right. Rather common, actually. No need to be alarmed."

"Do you know what year it is?"

"2004." Paige's hand gripped her bicep, but she remained silent.

"Hmm." The doctor cast a glance over his shoulder to the girls, then turned back to Emily. "What month?"

"September."

"What is the last thing you remember?"

Emily's brain was still feeling fuzzy, like it was swathed in cotton batten, but a few images were swirling around, emerging from the depths.

"Uh, breakfast, with my Mom?" she didn't know if it was a recent memory, but she had this impression of eating pancakes and…and chatting with her mom about the possibility of joining the swim team. Tryouts were on Friday, and she enjoyed swimming at the rec center. Had even won a couple of races on the competition days they hosted over the summer.

"Okay."

"Can you follow the light for me? Very good. Squeeze my hands? Thank you." He picked up her chart and made a few notes, then hooked it back over the edge of her bed with a soft sigh.

He shot another glance over his shoulder at the girls and nodded his head in the direction of the door. Spencer opened her mouth, as if to protest, but Aria and Hannah took her by the arms and guided her out.

Paige remained by her side, gripping her arm tightly.

"Ms. Fields, you were in a rather serious car accident six days ago. You suffered a broken ankle and foot, severe bruising of your torso, and a substantial blow to your head. You've been through three surgeries, one to repair the damage to the bones in your ankle and foot, and one to stem internal bleeding in your abdomen, and one to re-inflate your lung, which collapsed. We've kept you in a medically induced coma since you've arrived in hospital to monitor the swelling of your brain."

Emily winced, that didn't sound very good.

"Physically, you are on the mend. However, it would appear that the injury to your brain is more serious than we had hoped."

Emily frowned at his words, not understanding, and not liking the sounds of what he was saying.

"It would appear that you have something called retrograde amnesia."

Dr. Marshall's explanation of the condition, and its causes were lost to the buzzing in her ears. Her already addled brain unable to process the things he was telling her. She was thankful when, after a few minutes, he stepped from the room, and gently guided Paige out of the room with him. She could see him conferring with her out in the hallway, their heads bent together in hushed conversation, though she couldn't make out their words.

She couldn't figure out why Paige, Spencer, Hannah and…Aria…were here with her. Where were her parent? Her dad was on leave until the end of the month, he should be here. Her mother should be here, hovering over her, fussing and badgering the doctors.

She closed her eyes, trying to block out the fuzzy feeling in her head. Only to open them a moment or two later when she heard footsteps shuffling into the room. She looked up to find Paige standing at the foot of her bed, shifting uncomfortably as she rubbed the back of her neck.

"What's wrong?" Emily asked, trying to sit up, and wincing when the motion sent pain shooting up to her skull, and out to her extremities. "Is it my parents? Were they in the accident with me? Is that why they're not here?"

"Whoa, easy, Em." Paige rushed to her side and laid a gentle hand on her shoulder, easing her back down onto the bed.

The nickname that slid so easily from the lips of a relative stranger was jarring.

"Your parents are fine. They weren't in the accident with you." Paige sighed heavily and dropped into the chair beside the bed, her hand sliding down Emily's arm to her hand, lacing their fingers together.

Emily stared down at their joined hands, frowning slightly, then back up at Paige's face, her frown only growing at the consternation she saw there. Slowly, Paige withdrew her hand from Emily's, clutching at the bed rail instead.

The words, which she supposed were meant to be reassuring, only served to alarm Emily further. Her heart beat loudly in her ears and her breath hitched in her throat.

"You're parents aren't here with you right now because they're in Texas. They're working to get a flight out, but weather's bad, rainstorms there and snowstorms here."

Emily's frown deepened further as she tried to figure out why here parents would have been in Texas.

"Fuck. Em." Paige breathed a sigh and ran a hand through her hair. "There's no easy way to say this," she mumbled, more to herself than to Emily. "The accident, your memory loss….it's not 2004 for anymore. It's 2015. You've graduated high school. And university. Your dad retired a few years ago, after serving the last of his time with the army running training at a base in Texas. Your mom moved out there to be with him when you were in your junior year at university."

Emily stared at her, not comprehending. She was hearing the words that Paige was saying, but they weren't making sense. She'd lost memories of the last ten years of her life? She was graduated, and out on her own? She shook her head, no, this couldn't all be true. She continued to shake her head, feeling a panic rise within her.

"Emily. Em." Paige's hands were on her shoulders, her cheeks, trying to calm her, but Emily's heart was racing and her thoughts were a whir. "Emily, look at me. Look at me."

The stern words cut through her panic, and her gaze flicked to Paige's. They locked eyes, and Paige nodded faintly.

"That's it. Easy, Em. Breath. With me, come on."

Paige took deep, exaggerated breaths, and Emily followed suit. Gradually her racing heart slowed and her thoughts began to clear.

"Sorry," she apologized with a weak smile, feeling embarrassed by her reactions.

"No, don't apologize. It's a lot to take in." Paige offered a weak smile as well.

"What else don't I remember?"

Paige exhaled slowly. "Are you sure you're up for more?" she asked. "Maybe we should take a break?"

It was a tempting offer, but Emily knew that the not knowing would slowly eat away at her. She had so many questions, she didn't even know where to start.

"No. I'm okay."

Paige frowned, but nodded. "Okay. So…."

"So, you said I finished school? What did I take? What do I do?"

"You have a Master's degree in kinesiology from Penn State. You're an occupational therapist. Or at least, that's what you're working towards."

Emily rolled that around in her head, contemplating. It sounded…right, she decided after a moment.

"Okay. Do I like my job?"

"You love your job. You're an assistant in a small clinic in Philly, but your boss has given you a great deal of hands on experience and you're learning a lot."

"That sounds great." Emily nodded again. That was good.

Paige offered a soft smile. "Yeah."

"You seem to know a lot about it. About me," she added. "Are we close?" she asked, feeling bad that the two of them must have become such good friends and she didn't even remember it.

Paige's smile faltered. "Yeah. You could say that."

"Yeah? How did we meet?"

"Swim team."

"So, I did join."

Paige frowned faintly, clearly not following but nodded. "Yeah. You blew everyone away at the tryouts. Even me. Especially me," she added with a soft chuckle and a wistful expression that Emily didn't quite understand.

"So, I was good?"

"You were amazing," Paige said, that wistful expression returning. "You still are amazing. You swam for Penn State. Full ride scholarship. And you help Coach Fulton run camps over the summers and school breaks."

That sounded like a lot of fun. She wished that she could remember it.

"Am I seeing anybody?" she asked. It was a weird feeling, inquiring about her own life, her own relationships, discombobulating to say the least

Paige bit her lip and nodded. Emily frowned at the lack of a verbal response. And at the way Paige seemed to suddenly find her lap so interesting, her eyes trained firmly on her denim clad legs rather than meeting Emily's.

"Is it serious?"

Again, Paige nodded, her eyes still not meeting Emily's.

"I'm not married or something, am I?" She joked, instinctively glancing down at her left hand, looking for traces of a ring.

"No," Paige said flatly. Y"ou're not married."

"What the matter?" she asked. "Do you not like him?"

"It's not that." Paige's voice was low, so low Emily almost didn't hear it.

"Then, what is it?" she asked, trying to figure out where the other girl's sudden discomfort had come from.

"It's me."

"What?"

"The person you're seeing. It's me."

 **Author's Note 2**

The events on this story are in no way based on any actual medical research. I'm going more for dramatic effect than factual accounts, so I apologize to anyone with more medical knowledge than myself for any and all glaring errors. I hope that it doesn't take too much for you to suspend your disbelief and just go with the story.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:** To the guest who asked, it's possible it is Hanna, without the 'h', I never read the books. I just went with the spelling that was most familiar to me.

To everyone else, thank you, for your interest in the story. I'll definitely keep writing it then.

 **Chapter 2**

Emily barked out a laugh, gaze on Paige as she waited for her to do the same. The sound died slowly in her throat choked as she realized that the other girl didn't share in her amusement. Instead, she sat there, looking stricken.

"Wait, you're serious?" asked, shaking her head before she'd even gotten an answer. "No way." It just wasn't possible. She couldn't be dating Paige. She wasn't _gay_. That was ridiculous.

Two days ago, Ben Coogan asked her to the first dance of the school year. She was excited to go with him. He'd carried her books and walked her to class, and she'd had butterflies in her stomach for the rest of homeroom.

She stared at Paige, eyes begging for the other girl to crack a smile, to tell her that she was joking, to crow about how she'd gotten her, and if she could only see the look on her face.

But Paige just continued to sit there, averting her gaze, shoulders hunched forward as she wrapped her arms around her own waist, as if holding herself together, and Emily knew that it was true.

Her thoughts raced, causing a low buzz inside her head, accompanied by the frantic beating of her heart, audible to her own ears. She could feel her breath quickening, each one becoming harder to draw. It was all just too much. She closed her eyes, trying to calm herself, but seeing only darkness behind her lids only increased her panic. Yet, when she tried to open her eyes, they felt heavy, her movements sluggish.

She let out a whimper as she struggled to blink her eyes open.

Cool, calloused hands cupped her cheeks. She felt the warmth of breath against her skin as Paige murmured comfortingly into her ear. The words were lost to the buzz in her head, but the tone, and the gentle caresses against her face slowly broke through.

Gradually, her breathing eased and her heart rate slowed. Slowly, she opens her eyes, her gaze immediately finding Paige's, as the other girl hovers over her, her expression a mixture of worry, concern, sadness, and something she can't identify, something deeper and a little more guarded then the rest of the emotions playing freely across her face.

The weight of her gaze causes Emily's breath to hitch and her chest to ache. She rubs absently at the center of her chest as she struggles to catch her breath once again.

Seeing that Emily was past her panic attack, Paige shifted backwards, settling in her seat. Her eyes fell away from Emily, and down to her own lap, once again. It pained her, to know that Paige is hurting because of her. Even if it for something that she can't control.

"How long?" she asked, her voice a bare whisper.

"Nine years," Paige says, without glancing up. "Off and on."

Nine years? No. That couldn't be right. She hadn't even had her first real kiss yet. Hadn't even gone out on a real date.

Except, evidently, she had, Emily reminded herself. The thing with Ben hadn't actually been two days ago. It only felt like two days ago.

She tried to shut out what Paige was saying, to ignore the fact that she had lost the experiences of half her lifetime. And that, apparently, she had grown into someone that she didn't even recognize.

"Off and on, what does that mean?" she asked, curious despite herself.

"We dated for a while in tenth grade. But, you broke it off because I wasn't ready to come out. You actually dumped me for the peer councillor I was seeing, to help me figure out how to come out to my dad."

Emily frowned. She had done that? It sounded kind of cold.

"We started dating again in eleventh grade, once I was out. But, you left me for your ex-girlfriend."

Paige didn't sound sad, or angry at what she was saying. There was no accusation in her tone. And Emily wondered why she was feeling guilty for something she couldn't even remember doing.

"We got back together at the beginning of senior year. Broke up for a while just after Christmas, and were back on again in the spring."

"And, we've been together since then?"

"There were a few months, junior year, at Penn that we were apart. But since then, yeah." Paige shot her a hopeful glance. "None of this is ringing any bells for you? You really don't remember?"

"I really don't remember," Emily said, giving her a sad smile. "And I just….I'm having a really hard time believing it to be true," she admitted.

"Oh. Okay. Fair enough." Paige's head bobbed as she nodded, but she wouldn't bring her gaze up to meet Emily's, keeping her gaze trained on her hands, twisting in her lap. Emily stared at the top of her head, listening to her swallow audibly, as her breaths quickened.

A stricken feeling washed over her as she realized that Paige was either crying, or trying very hard not to. Emily swallowed against a lump in her throat, trying to identify the myriad of emotions coursing through her. She was confused, she was sad. There was empathy for Paige, but also, some anger at her, some resentment, for trying to make her remember something she clearly could not, for expecting her to be someone she wasn't.

"I'm kind of tired," she said, turning away from Paige, staring sightlessly out the window. "I think I'd just like to rest for awhile." She closed her eyes, ignoring the feeling of Paige's gaze on her.

Paige sat there, silently, for a long minute. Emily could feel the time ticking past, the tension in her body growing with each passing second that Paige remained. Until, finally, she heard the other girl stand and shuffle out of the room. She breathed a sigh of relief once she was finally alone. Only to bite back a sigh a moment later as once again, she heard shuffling steps into the room. She turned her head, ready to snap at Paige, only to clamp her mouth shut when she realized it wasn't Paige hovering in her doorway, but another, shorter brunette.

"Hey. Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you," she said softly, and Emily wracked her brain, trying to remember her name.

Aria. That's what Spencer had called her.

"I can go, if you want." Despite her words, she seemed reluctant to leave, hovering just inside the doorway, staring at Emily with those wide, doe-eyes of hers. Turning her away would be like turning away a puppy, or a stray kitten.

"No, it's fine."

Smiling, she strode briskly into the room and dropped into the seat that Paige had vacated.

"How are you holding up?"

Emily shrugged as best as her battered body would allow and pulled a face. "Eh."

Aria hummed sympathetically and reached out, briefly squeezing her hand before pulling away. Emily appreciated the gesture, the touch was comforting, but if it had lingered too long, it would have made her feel edgy.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Aria's gaze wandering idly around the room, not that there was much to see. Unlike earlier, the silence didn't make her feel tense. And, she could relax a little now that she wasn't she subject of someone's unwavering stare.

After a few minutes, her curiosity got the better of her. "How did we meet?" she asked, silently hoping that her and Aria's story wasn't quite as trying as her and Paige's had been.

"Through Ali."

"Ali?"

"Alison DiLaurentis." Aria shook her head. "That's right, you didn't meet her until second semester, freshman year. Sorry. This whole memory loss thing is…"

"Yeah, I know." Emily said, even though Aria hadn't even finished her thought. She knew what she meant.

"Ali is sort of the reason that we all got together," Aria continued. "She and Spencer are neighbours. They grew up together. Ali and I met at summer camp, when we were kids. And then became friends again when we both started up at Rosewood High. Ali and Hannah met at some youth church group thing."

"And, Ali and I?"

Aria hesitated for so long that Emily thought she wasn't going to answer.

"You had a class together. English, I think. And…you had a huge crush on her."

Emily felt her cheeks flush, and she shook her head, trying to dismiss Aria's words. She couldn't believe this.

"Nothing happened between the two of you. I don't think. Neither of you would really talk about it."

Well, that was something of a relief. She hoped, anyway. It had been hard enough hearing about her apparent relationship with Paige, but to learn of a second one, she wasn't sure she'd be able to handle that.

"Where is Alison now?"

"Studying abroad. She's in France right now. She wanted to come as soon as she heard, but it was just impossible. She sends her love."

Emily squirmed a little, at the word. Because of the implications, coming from someone she may or may not have had a relationship with. And from the sentiment coming from someone she didn't even know.

"And, those flowers there," Aria pointed to a gorgeous arrangement of wildflowers on the windowsill. "They're from her. Along with the teddy bear."

She followed Aria's finger once again to the black and white panda propped up against the phone on her bedside table. It was a sweet gesture. One Emily figured she'd probably appreciate more, if she actually remembered the person who it came from.

"It's cute," she said, forcing a smile.

Aria offered up a sad smile in response. An uneasy silence settled over them, and Emily felt bad for wishing she were alone right now, because clearly, Aria, all of these girls, cared very deeply for her but she just couldn't return their feelings.

Just as the silence was getting awkward, Spencer strode into the room, carrying a small, red suitcase.

"I ran into Paige on her way out," she said, conversationally, though there was a hard glint in her eyes. "She wanted me to bring this to you." She hoisted the bag in emphasis. "Said that, now that you're awake you're probably going to want some of your stuff. Pj's, toothbrush, etc." She tucked the bag into the corner by the door and made her way across the room. "Want to tell me why she was crying?" she asked, her voice low, but far from gentle. "And, why she didn't want to come back in here?"

Emily felt pinned down by the intensity of Spencer's gaze. Her breath, and her words, caught in her throat.

"Hey, easy, Spence." Hannah, who had trailed Spencer into the room laid a hand on Spencer's arm and pulled her away from the bed, but Spencer jerked her arm out of her grasp and rounded on Emily once again. She opened her mouth, but before she could speak, Aria hauled her bodily out of the room. Apparently, the petite brunette was stronger than she looked.

Emily strained her ears, trying to hear what was being said, out in the hallway, but they kept their voices low. When they returned to the room a minute later, Aria flashed her a tight smile, and Spencer glowered, but said nothing, as they settled into seats on opposite sides of the bed.

Despite her face, which was like thunder, Spencer was warm and attentive, asking if Emily was comfortable, if she needed water, did she want them to call the doctor back, or adjust her pain meds. It was sweet, but it was making her head spin. She felt guilty for being grateful when a nurse came in and quietly shoed the other girls out of the room, stating that visiting hours were over. Even though being alone meant being left with her thoughts, and all of the holes in her memories, Emily was in desperate need of a break.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

Emily turned at Paige's question, only to find the other girl wasn't looking at her, but instead was staring through the windshield at the house in front of them. She looked as uncomfortable as Emily felt, shoulders hunched, head ducked, hands braced on the steering wheel, gripping it so tightly her knuckles had gone white.

Emily shrugged, though with her face turned away, Paige couldn't see. "The doctors said that getting back to my old routines, surrounding myself with familiar things, was the best way to jog my memory."

It had been a couple weeks since her accident, and her doctors had deemed her physically fit enough to be released. The bruising around her ribs and on her face had begun to heal, leaving an ugly mottling of green's and yellows across her torso that would soon fade, leaving her skin once again unmarred. The incision scars from her surgery were pinking up, and she had gotten adept at maneuvering around on the air cast and crutches she had for her foot and ankle, the bones of which were knitting together nicely. She was on the mend, except for her memory loss, which had not improved since the day she woke up in the hospital.

"Yeah," Paige said, with a soft sigh, still staring up at the house, Emily's childhood home, which was now apparently their home.

If finding out that she and Paige were in a relationship had come as a shock, then learning that the two of them had been living together for the past three years had been….Emily didn't even have a word for how stunned she had been when Paige had delivered that piece of information. It was difficult enough for Emily to accept that she was no longer thirteen, even though looking in the mirror every day was evidence that she was no longer a teen, but a young woman. She had grown a couple of inches, and her body had gone through changes that she had no recollection of experiencing. She was lithe, and muscular, but still decidedly feminine. She had curves. And breasts. Her face was the same, but not. When she looked at her reflection, it still didn't feel like it was her own. But, she was coming to terms with the fact that time had passed without her being aware of it, and was slowly adjusting to things like the fact that she was a college graduate, and was no longer living with her parents, and legally at least, could drive. Or that cell phone technology had advanced the way that it had, and that Netflix had replaced DVD's for the most part.

What she was having trouble wrapping her mind around was her relationship with Paige. She just couldn't fathom the idea of dating another girl. Another woman. It was disconcerting, the notion of having been in love with someone, anyone, for almost ten years and not remember it, but even more so when that person was Paige.

She tried not to think about it. Because when she thought about it, she couldn't stop herself from contemplating just what it was that they did, when they were together. Did they hold hands? Kiss? Cuddle? Did they sleep all curled around each other? That train of thought invariably led her to wonder, did they sleep together? And then the thought of having kissing, touching, of having sex, with a woman, made her blush uncomfortably and she would push the thoughts from her mind. For a while at least. For curious reasons, she could not seem to dismiss them for long.

She had been unable to muster up the courage to ask Paige anything though. To be honest, she hadn't said much at all to Paige since the day she had woken up in the hospital. Though, the other woman had been quietly, steadily, at her side since then. She was there every morning as soon as visiting hours started, stopping buy with food she'd snuck past the nurses, or a new magazine, or some fresh clothes. And she was there every night before visiting hours ended, along with the other girls, sitting in one of the chairs by Emily's bed, listening to them talk about their days.

Emily had seen her in the hallway, talking with her doctors, conferring with them about her recovery, her rehabilitation, her treatment. And, when Emily's parents had arrived, the day after she'd woken up, Paige had been, more than amiable, comfortable with them. She'd caught Paige joking with her father and talking with her mother so many times over the past few weeks, the level of familiarity between them jarring.

She had been concerned about her parent's reactions to her apparent sexuality. Considering her mom's conservative upbringing and her father's military ties, she had expected them to react to the news with the same shock and unease as Emily had. Forgetting, clearly, that this was not a revelation to them the same way it had been to her.

 _She had been tense, nervous, the whole day, once she'd learned that her parents had secured a flight from Texas and would be arriving in Pennsylvania by mid-afternoon. But now, lying in her hospital bed, pretending to read as she awaited their arrival, Emily was almost sick with worry. Her stomach churned uncomfortably and her chest felt heavy, and tight. Her parents would be here soon and then they would know. Paige was in the room, curled up on the couch in the corner, her tablet propped up against her knees. She had been in and out all day, asking after Emily, bringing her water and books, and helping her sit up, or reposition, or work the buttons on the remote control._

 _Emily didn't know what to say to her, she had so many questions, but wasn't sure she wanted the answers. And Paige clearly had a lot to say, Emily could see it in the way Paige looked at her, the way she'd hesitate beside her bed for a moment after every cup of water or pillow fluffing, throat working, eyes dark and swirling with unnamed emotions. But, she didn't press. Didn't say much of anything, most of her words relating to Emily's health and general well-being._

 _Emily kind of wanted to ask her to leave, to not be there when he parents arrived, but did not know how to voice such a question, so instead she sat, trembling in her bed, awaiting the blowout from her parents._

 _A soft knock on the door preceded their entry into the room, her mother's face, drawn and ashen, peeked around the edge of the door before it was pushed open wider and she hurried into the room._

" _Oh, Emily," she sighed into the side of Emily's neck as she leaned down to carefully gather her daughter in a hug. "Emily."_

 _She could feel the heat of her mother's tears against her skin._

" _Mom," she choked out, feeling her own eyes well up as she wrapped her arms around her mother's back and hugged with all her might._

" _Oh, baby. I'm so glad that you're all right. I was so worried about you. When Spencer called and said you'd been in an accident…." She trailed off and took a deep, shuddering breath before pulling back and cupping Emily's cheeks, studying her with serious, tear-filled eyes. "I was so worried. And we tried to get here…We got here as soon as we could…"_

" _I know, Mom." Emily reached up and laid her hands over her mom's giving them a gentle squeeze._

 _She didn't fail to notice that her mother looked different than that last time Emily could remember seeing her. Older. She was still as well kempt and fit as ever. She looked good, her skin was still smooth, her hair still a deep mahogany, but there were a few more lines around her eyes, around the corners of her lips._

" _I'm so glad you're okay. I love you so much."_

" _I love you too."_

 _Her mom let one hand fall away, though she turned the other one in Emily's to lace their fingers together as she stepped aside, Satisfied that her baby girl was relatively fine, she made way for Wayne to step in. Both of their gazes turned to him, and Emily's heart stuttered in her chest at the sight of her father with his arms around Paige, hugging her for all he was worth. For her part, Paige had her face buried in Wayne's chest, as she clutched at his back. Though she wasn't making a sound, the way her shoulders shook, Emily knew she was crying._

 _Without letting go of Emily's hand, Pam took another step away and reached out, laying a hand on Paige's shoulder, rubbing it soothingly. A moment later, Paige stepped back from Wayne, and turned her head, discreetly wiping her eyes. Wayne took the opportunity to approach Emily's bed, leaning over to brush a kiss against her forehead before hugging her gently, mindful of both her injuries and the chords for all the machines she was still hooked up to._

" _Emmy."_

" _Daddy." She hugged him back tightly, her eyes welling up once again._

 _He cradled her gently against his chest for a long while, before pulling back and pulling up a couple of chairs. He took one, and Paige took the other. Emily's mom perched herself on the side of Emily's bed, where she could hold onto both Emily and Paige, squeezing both of their hands tightly. Her father, similarly had a hand on each girl, he stroked Emily's hair gently with one, while the other rested lightly on Paige's knee._

 _Their reactions, interactions, with Paige were certainly not what Emily had been expecting. And it just made the whole situation that much more surreal._

"But, are you sure it's not too soon? Your mom said she and your dad were staying in Philly for a few more days. You could spend some time with them, in their hotel."

"I don't want to live in a hotel. I just want to be back in my home, sleeping in my own bed."

What she didn't say was that she didn't understand why it was her parents who were staying in a hotel, and not Paige.

Apparently, when her parents had decided to move to Texas permanently, her mom had kept the house, and rented it out to various tenants until Emily had finished her degree. She, and Paige evidently, had moved back to Rosewood after college to start jobs in the city, commuting back and forth from Philadelphia.

Paige let out a heavy sigh, and ran a hand through her hair. "The house…your house isn't the same anymore," she said softly. "We redecorated when we moved in. Some of your parents stuff is still there. The dining room set, some of the furniture, but a lot of it…it'll be new to you. It's stuff we've collected over the years."

"Oh." Emily felt foolish for not having thought of that before. Of course the house would be different after ten years. Her parents would have taken some of their stuff with them to Texas, got rid of other things rather than put it into storage. Emily (and Paige) would have wanted to redecorate after moving it. "Right. Let's just…" Instead of finishing, she pushed open her car door and climbed out, slamming it a little harder than was probably necessary before she circled around to the trunk for her bag.

"I got it." Paige gently pushed her hands away. "Why don't you go inside and acquaint yourself."

"Ok. Thanks."

Emily made her way up the walkway, maneuvering carefully but easily over the flagstones and up the front steps. She released one crutch just long enough to turn the knob, and let herself into the house.

Immediately she was hit with a strange sense of déjà vu as she glanced around, taking in the room that was both familiar and strange. The layout was the same as it had been while she was growing up, the couch under the window, facing the television. An armchair off to one side, a small end table between them, the coffee table in front. There was a throw rug in the center of the room, and pictures and artwork dotted the wall, same as it always had.

Except, this couch was a sectional, low and plush, ivory cushions with red and brown accents on the pillows, and on the throw draped haphazardly over one arm. The tv was a large flat screen, propped up on cherry wood cabinet with glass doors, that was not the one her parents used to own. The coffee and end tables were a matching cherry wood, clearly part of a set. The throw rug on the floor was an abstract pattern of reds and browns, and not at all like the pale grey one her parents used to own.

Some of the pictures on the walls and the bookcase in the corner were familiar, a couple of family photos, her parents wedding photo, one of her father in uniform. Others were not. There were a few photos of her and Paige, two of them in caps and gowns, one high school, one graduation, she assumed. There was one of them in their swim warm ups, holding aloft medals that were draped around their necks, arms around each other, grins on their faces. And one of them all dressed up, Emily in a beautiful emerald gown, and Paige in a dapper looking suit. Prom, she supposed. There were also a handful of less posed looking photos of them, and their friends. Emily and Hannah sitting close on a couch, Aria and Paige making faces at the camera, Spencer and a blond Emily didn't recognize, Ali perhaps, standing on the porch steps. A myriad of images that she knew should trigger memories, but did not.

It left her feeling an odd melancholy that she tried to shake off by venturing through the dining room, and into the kitchen. But those rooms had changed just enough to trigger the same response. The dining set was the same, but the knickknacks and plates displayed on the hutch were not. The walls of the kitchen had been repainted, and the table was different.

She heard the front door open and close, and a moment later footsteps made their way upstairs. Thankfully, Paige did not call out to her, or seek her out, letting her make the tour through the house in peace.

Not that she felt at peace right now. The subtle changes, the absence of familiarity was making her anxious. She could feel it as a building tension in her muscles and a churning in her stomach. The feeling brought tears of frustration to her eyes, a burning, stinging sensation that she could not blink away.

Though good sense told her otherwise, she trailed Paige upstairs, hoping that the upper level of the house would offer her some trace of normalcy. She stopped in front of what used to be her bedroom door and cautiously pushed it open, breath held as the room slowly revealed itself. Disappointment, but not surprise, washed over her when she saw that the room was not at all like she remembered. In place of her bed was a long, brown leather couch. Her dresser had been replaced by a large bookcase, floor to ceiling and taking up most of the rest of the wall. Gone were her pictures and wall art, replaced instead by a frame degree, and an assortment of photos, mostly of her, Paige and their friends. Although there was one of her with her parents, and one of Paige with a couple she didn't recognize. Probably Paige's parents. The walls had been repainted a light grey, and there were now bamboo blinds over the window instead of light, airy curtains. The only thing even remotely similar was the desk, although instead of the light wood of the one she remembered, this one was metal framing, with black wood surfaces.

Even though she didn't know Paige very well, this room was distinctly her, and she felt a surge of resentment course at the thought of the other woman replacing all of her stuff.

"Oh. Hey. Yeah, that's my office now," Paige said softly as she approached from the direction of Emily's parent's bedroom.

"So I gathered." Emily turned to face Paige, unable to resist crossing her arms and sending her a defiant stare. "Am I not allowed in there or something?"

Paige blinked and drew back, looking wounded. "No. I mean, that's not what I meant." She rubbed the back of her neck and stared at some point just over Emily's shoulder, looking at her, but not quite meeting her eye. "You don't often bring work home from the office. When you do, you usually prefer to do it in the living room. But, you come in and visit me when I'm working all the time."

"Oh. Um, what is it that you do?"

"I'm a social worker. Or at least, that's the goal. Right now I'm more of a gopher." She shrugged, and offered up a wry smile. "So, uh, I put your stuff in the bedroom. I figure I'll stay in here," she added. "The couch is way more comfortable than it looks."

Emily nodded, relieved that she hadn't had to face the conversation of where they would be sleeping. She knew that, technically, she and Paige were together, but she couldn't bear the thought of having to share a bed with her.

"Right so uh…" Paige shifted in place, clearly at a loss as to what came next. "Are you hungry? Did you want some dinner or-"

"I'm kind of tired. It's been a long day. I think I'm just going to take a nap, if you don't mind."

Paige nodded. "Right. Yeah. You go ahead. I'll just be downstairs if you need anything."

She eased past Emily and made her was down the hallway, leaving her to venture into the unknown entity that was "their" bedroom. She shook her head. It felt so weird thinking of it in terms of theirs, and not her parents. She approached cautiously, and eased herself through the doorway, her eyes immediately falling to the bed, which she stared at for a long moment with somewhat morbid curiosity. It was a queen size bed, done in light, creamy colors, with a couple of blue throw pillows as accents. The comforter looked thick and warm, the pillows soft and plump where they rested against the wrought iron headboard. She wondered how much time she and Paige had spent here, in this bed. How many times had they….she let the thought trail off unformed, an uncomfortable buzzing heat filling her body at the notion, however undefined, of them being intimate.

She tore her gaze away from the bed and let it travel around the rest of the room, taking it in. Opposite the bed was a long low dresser, a tv sat in the middle, with a jewelry box and an assortment of accessories spread out on either side. The walls were done up in a creamy, textured wall paper with vines running up the corners, and along the top just below the ceilings. A few prints hung around the room, and a small armchair was tucked into the corner. There was a bedside table on either side of the bed, a lamp and an alarm clock on each. And an old-school cordless phone on one.

Emily had spent so much time looking around the house noting the changes that she hadn't given much thought to what she thought of them. But, she couldn't deny that this room, that all of the rooms, looked nice. They were well put together. And, homey. They just, didn't feel like home to Emily.

With a soft sigh she eased herself gently onto the bed and laid down on top of the covers, pulling up only the afghan draped across the bottom of the bed over herself and closed her eyes, willing for the oblivion of sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Ale: Thank you. I'm glad you're enjoying it.

To the guests, I can't reply directly to you, but thank you, for reading and taking a moment to leave a comment. I'm glad you're enjoying the story. And, I'll try to update in a more timely fashion.

 **Chapter 4**

Emily woke to a room that was shrouded in darkness. Night had fallen while she napped, and now she could make out only the faintest outlines in the room around her via the dim glow of the streetlight across the road. For a moment she lay still, uncertain as to what exactly had pulled her from a sound sleep, only aware that something had, if the pounding of her pulse was any indication. The shrill buzz of the phone on the bedside table next to her startled her where she lay, and answered her question. Sighing, she stretched out an arm, grasping the handset from the cradle and bringing it to her ear before it could ring again.

"Hello?"

The voice that answered was not her own. She realized Paige must have picked up the phone at the same time she did.

"Hey, kiddo." The voice on the other end of the line was unfamiliar. Not that that meant much these days.

There was no reason for Emily to remain on the line since Paige had answered, and the call was clearly for her but, she kept hold of the handset, cradling it carefully against her ear, the mouthpiece angled away so it wouldn't pick up her breathing.

"Hi, Dad."

"How you holding up?"

"I'm fine."

There was a long silence on the line, until Paige let out a sigh.

"What do you want me to say? That I'm falling apart?" Paige's voice was raw, and trembling. "That I can't eat? Can't sleep?"

"If that's the truth, then yes. That's what I want you to say."

"What good's the truth when telling it doesn't change anything?" Paige asked, sounding pained.

Emily knew she should hang up. This conversation wasn't for her ears. But, her grip only tightened on the handset.

"When I got the call, that Em had been in the accident, my first thought was, as long as she's alive, then we'll be all right. Anything else, we could deal with. Then, when she was in the coma, I thought, just let her wake up, and we'll be all right. And, finally, when she did wake up and I was so relieved. Then, the doctor told us about the amnesia…" She broke off into a sob that tugged painfully at Emily's chest. "Do you have any idea how…devastating it feels, to have the love of your life, the person you plan to marry, look at you like you're a stranger?"

Emily bit her lip, wincing at the emotion in Paige's words, as well as the meaning of them, her heart racing at the implications. The love of her life? Marriage? It was all so much to take in.

"I know it's hard-"

"Hard doesn't even begin to fucking cover it."

"Paige."

"Sorry, Dad. I'm just…it's all just…" Paige trailed off, and Emily pictured her running a hand through her hair before rubbing it against the back of her neck. A gesture she had seen a lot of at the hospital. A gesture she had quickly come to understand meant that Paige was stressed, overwhelmed, even if she hadn't gone so far as to voice the words. Until now.

"I know, kiddo. You're in a tough spot. But, and forgive an old man for meddling…"

"Old man?" Paige scoffed. "Okay, old man, what wisdom would you like to impart?"

""I know its rough, having Emily not remember you. Or the love that you share. Just keep in mind, even if she's not _your_ Emily, she's still _Emily_. "

"Huh." Aside from that one sound, Paige was quiet as she contemplated her father's word.

"You fell in love with that girl when you were fifteen years old. If anything, losing her memory of the past few years has brought her closer to being the girl you fell in love with."

Again, Paige quiet a long moment, the only sound her light breathing coming down the line. "Thanks Dad," she said finally, her voice coarse, and breaking a little.

"Anytime, kiddo. Did you want me to come down for a while?"

"You know I'd love to see you. But, maybe hold off for a bit. It might be a little overwhelming for Emily. She's already got enough unfamiliar faces and surroundings to deal with."

"Fair enough. But, and don't get me wrong, I love Emily like a daughter, I wouldn't be coming for her. I'd be coming for you."

Emily held her breath, waiting, half hoping that Paige would say no, half hoping she'd agree. On one hand, she didn't want to deal with yet another stranger. On the other, she had her support system. She had her parents, she had her doctors and therapists. She had her friends. She even had Paige. But, who did Paige have? Everyone was so busy trying to tell Emily it would be all right, who was telling that to Paige?

"I know, Dad. And I appreciate it. I just think we need some time, just the two of us, to sort things out."

"Okay, kid. If you change your mind, let me know."

"Will do."

"Goodnight, sweetie."

"Night Dad."

Paige hung up with a soft click, and Emily followed suit slowly, reeling from the conversation she had just overheard. Before she had a chance to process any of it, however, she heard footsteps heading up the stairs. Immediately, and without really knowing why, she lay back down and closed her eyes, pulling the covers tight up under her chin and slowing her breathing, despite the racing of her heart.

The footsteps tracked to right outside the room, and then paused, before the door slowly eased open. Opening one eye just a crack, Emily watched as Paige's head poked into the room. When she saw that Emily was sleeping, she tiptoed carefully into the room and made her way over to the closet, which she carefully, quietly pulled open. Emily tried to ignore the sounds of rustling clothing, and tried to drift from feigned to real sleep, but the gentle clatter of hangers rattling and floorboards creaking slightly, piqued her curiosity. Slowly, she rolled over and sat up, stretching her arms and rubbing at her eyes, pretending that she had just woken up. Not that it mattered, because Paige's back was to her.

"What are you doing?" she asked softly, into the dark.

Paige jumped, and whirled around her, hand on her heart. "I'm sorry, did I wake you?"

Even though Emily was the one who had startled her, she was the one apologizing.

She shook her head. "No, I've been awake for a while."

"Oh. Um. Okay. Well, you know you can come downstairs, right? I mean, if you want. I know it's been a long day, and you're probably tired. But, like, if you wanted to watch TV, or something. Or um, if you're hungry, and you want something to eat."

Emily was about to deny her appetite, but her stomach growled at the mention of food. She wrapped an arm around herself, embarrassed at the way her body had given her away. "Yeah...I uh…should probably eat."

Paige nodded. "Right. Of course. Just let me get this sorted, and I'll make some dinner."

"You don't have to. I'm sure I can pull something together."

"I'm sure you could. But, I'm not going to let you."

"Let?" Emily bristled at the possessiveness of her words.

"Yes, Em. Let. You're on crutches. And getting out of bed tires you out. I'm not going to let you injure yourself further by trying to prove a point." Paige turned to face her. "Can we please not argue about this? It's been a long day. I'm tired."

Emily huffed, but nodded. She hated being fussed over, especially when she was sick or injured. But it was twice as tough to take when it was Paige. It was all just a little too domestic for her, and it made her stomach twist uncomfortably.

What if Paige expected something from Emily for cooking for her, and tried to kiss her? Or, do something more. Her stomach leapt up into her throat and she swallowed hard against the feeling, nodding wordlessly in answer to Paige's question.

"What are you doing?" she asked again, re-directing the conversation.

"Oh, I'm just gathering up some clothes and stuff. I'll put them in the closet in the office. That way I won't have to disturb you, if you're resting, when I need something."

It was a logical enough solution, but still, Emily frowned, something about the whole notion unsettling her. She still felt weird about staying in this house with Paige. Specifically, staying in this room, in this bed.

"Why don't you just stay in here, and I take the couch in the office?" she suggested, wondering if maybe being in her old room, despite its new decorations and furnishings, might be less disconcerting.

"Don't worry about it, Em. It's no big deal."

"No, think about it. Half of my stuff is in bags already, it would be easier for me to unpack in another room, than it would be for you take all your stuff from in her to down the hall."

"This way works just as well, Em."

"What? No it doesn't. C'mon. You know I'm right."

"The mattress in here is way better for you than the pullout."

"You're the one who has to work in the morning. I'll just be home all day, lazing around."

"Not lazing. Healing. Getting better."

"Which I can do just as well in the other room.

Paige just shook her head. But, Emily was having none of it. She swung her legs around and eased herself towards the edge of the bed.

'What are you doing? Whoa. Whoa." Paige rushed forwards as she levered herself into a standing position and reached for her crutches, which were leaning on the wall by the bed. She slid an arm around Emily's waist, helping her balance, as she got the first crutch beneath her arm.

"Come on. Sit back down. You're not supposed to be up and around like this."

"I'm not going far, just down the hall."

Paige sighed heavily and stepped away as she positioned herself over her crutches.

"We bought this bed together. It was the first major purchase that we made, as a couple," she said softly. "I haven't slept in it, alone, since the night we put it together. And I'm not about to start now." Her breath was coming ragged, and heavy, and she couldn't quite bring herself to meet Emily's eye. "So, you can stay in the office if you want. If being in your old room makes you feel better, you're welcome to the pullout. But, I am not staying in here, and sleeping on that bed, by myself. I'll sleep on the couch, downstairs."

Before Emily could say a word she had spun on her heel and was gone, striding quickly from the room and down the stairs, leaving Emily standing, stunned, in her wake.

Slowly, she roused from her stupor, and made her way laboriously out of her room and down the stairs, reaching the bottom just in time to hear the clatter of falling dishes, and the clang of shattering glass in the kitchen, followed by a lowly muttered curse. She picked up her pace, as best she could, maneuvering around the edges of chair legs, coffee tables and carpets without snagging her crutches, and was greeted in the kitchen by the sight a mix bowl in pieces on the floor amongst a small puddle of sticky, yellow egg yolks, and Paige rapidly ripping napkins off the role. She looked up as Emily eased through the doorway, and abandoned her task to skirt around the mess, and pull out a chair for her, offering up a wry, lopsided grin as she did so.

Emily sank down into it gratefully, already feeling a fine sheen of sweat on her skin, and a slight burning in her arms, and around her incision sight from her efforts. She hated how quickly she tired, especially when she wasn't even doing anything that strenuous.

"Right. So, dinner might be awhile," Paige said, all l traces of the earlier tension and emotion gone, replaced by an easy-going good cheer. Moving away from Emily, she dropped into a crouch to clean up the mess on the floor. From the way she worked, quickly and efficiently, Emily got the sense that she was used to doing so.

Emily eyed the mess on the floor, and then Paige's sheepish grin as she tossed the sodden napkins into the trash and couldn't help her own lips tugging up in an answering smile.

"Should I be looking for a fire extinguisher?" she teased. "You know, just in case."

"Ha. Ha. Very funny." Paige gave an exaggerated roll of her eyes. "Of the two of us, I'm not the one who's started a fire."

Emily's eyes went wide, and she sat up a little straighter in her chair, pointing to herself in surprise. "Me?"

"Yes. You."

"Oh, my God." She let out a short laugh. "When did I do that? How did I do that?"

"Second year. You had one of those little hot plate things in your dorm room. You were cooking noodles, and got distracted, and the water boiled away and next thing you know…"

Emily laughed, then frowned. That didn't sound like her. She'd grown up in her mother and her grandmother's kitchens. She knew better than to put food on the stove and then walk away. "What was I doing, that I go so distracted?"

Paige's eyes went wide at the question, and her gaze slipped away. She gave an unconvincing shrug. It took Emily a moment to make the connection, and when she did, she felt her whole body heat in an uncomfortable, buzzing sort of blush.

"Oh," she uttered, trying to will her thoughts away from the images now planted in her mind.

A heavy, silence fell between them. Emily shifted uncomfortably in her seat, and stared down at the scarred table beneath her hands.

Paige cleared her throat. "Since dinner's a bust, how about I order a pizza?" She was trying for casual, but her words were strained.

Emily was halfway through nodding, when she changed her mind and glanced back up at Paige, and found the other girl hovering a few feet away, face a deep, heated shade of red, staring at some point to the left of Emily's shoulder.

"I'd like if you cooked for me."

Paige's gaze shot to Emily, surprise evident in her features. "It'll be awhile."

Emily shrugged. "Unless things have changed drastically in the past decade, we'd have to wait for the pizza too."

"Still pretty much thirty minutes or free," Paige said. "Though, now they have a handy app on your cell phone, where you can text in your orders."

"Seriously?" Emily couldn't decide if that was pure genius, or the height of laziness.

"Yep." Paige reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone, tossing it gently to Emily before she turned and began gathering the necessary supplies from the fridge for round two of dinner.

Emily swiped her phone across the touch screen, watching the colors play across it as the phone sprang to life. She scrolled through the apps, sure enough there was a number of delivery apps. One for pizza, another for groceries, and a couple she couldn't identify from logo alone. She continued to scroll through the phone, opening up Paige's contact list, unsurprised to find her name and an unfamiliar number at the top of the screen, followed by Paige's parents, her parents, Aria, Hannah and Spencer, and a slew of unfamiliar names. She exited out of there, and checked out the games, smirking lightly when she saw that Paige had apparently succumbed to the addiction of angry birds and candy crush, along with some other, newer games. She was just about to exit out of the phone when she noticed the picture icon, and clicked on it. She was immediately hit with an image of her own face, a close up of herself in shades, making a sultry face at the camera. Uncomfortable with the thought of having made that face for Paige's viewing pleasure, she scrolled through to the next photo. This one was a shot of her lying in what was clearly the bed upstairs. Their bed upstairs, the voice in the back of her head reminded her. Her hair was splayed out across the pillows, and she was smiling sleepily at the camera. At Paige, holding the camera. The sheets were covering her chest, but her bare shoulders indicated that she wasn't wearing anything beneath them.

Cheeks burning, she quickly scrolled to the next photo, only to feel the heat in her cheeks spread through to her limbs, making her fingers and toes tingle, and her stomach churn. This photo clearly followed the one she had just viewed. In it, she was still lying against the pillows, covered with the sheet, but Paige had joined her in the frame, she was lying on her stomach, head pressed against Emily's, arm extended back behind her at an awkward angle, which managed to capture both their softly smiling faces, but also, the bare slope of Paige's shoulder, along with the faintest hint of her side, indicating that she was just as naked as Emily.

Clearly, Paige's phone was where she kept the more intimate photos, the ones that couldn't be displayed on the walls or on bookshelves.

Hitting the power button, she shut down the phone, and laid it on the counter, covering it with her hands, as if putting it out of sight would make what she'd just seen less real.

Paige had, thankfully, missed all of this. She had her back to Emily as she worked. She moved with the grace of someone who was used to relying on their body. Clearly, she was an athlete of some kind. Swimming, perhaps. She had the physique for it, long and lean, broad shouldered and taut, toned muscles.

Emily realized that she didn't really know anything about Paige. Not her likes, or her dislikes, or her hobbies. She had no idea what her favorite food was, or what she listened to in the car on her way to work. It was disconcerting, because she had a feeling that Paige knew all of those things about her.

She felt a pang of guilt that, in all this time she hadn't even made an effort to get to know her. She'd been so wrapped up in how uncomfortable and awkward this situation was for her, that she hadn't stopped and considered how uncomfortable and awkward this situation might be for Paige. And, from the phone call she'd overheard, it was evident that it was definitely difficult.

She felt a wave of shame wash over her. She'd been nothing but rude and unkind to Paige since she'd woken up in the hospital, and found out that the two of them were, apparently, together and deeply in love. While Paige had been nothing but sweet and kind. She had gone out of her way to make Emily feel as comfortable as one could in this situation. And, she hadn't put any pressure on her at all. She hadn't asked for anything. Despite Emily's constant fear that every act of kindness would come with a string attached. But, Paige had demanded nothing from her.

The least Emily could do was be nice to her. Try and get to know her. She would never be able to be the girlfriend that Paige remembered. But, maybe they could at least be friend.

Paige seemed like the kind of person she'd want in her life. She was sweet. And kind. And loyal. Emily had seen traces of a sense of humour. She had an energy about her, a presence that Emily couldn't help but be drawn to, despite her earlier best efforts not to be. And, she was really quite pretty. With her thick, wavy hair, and wide, expressive eyes, and that smile that could light up a room. And, she could certainly fill out a pair of jeans.

Emily jerked in place when she realized she was staring at Paige's ass.

Paige spun around, brow furrowed in concern. "Everything all right?" She wiped her hands on a dishtowel and approached.

Emily nodded, and waved her off. She had to swallow hard and clear her throat before she could speak. "Fine…Yeah…Just a….muscle spasm. From sitting in one place, I guess."

Paige winced sympathetically. "Sorry. Maybe you should go sit on the couch? You can elevate your leg and-"

"No, it's okay." Despite her momentary discomfort, Emily didn't want to be left alone right now. For one thing, she was afraid of where her thoughts might take her. For another, she had just vowed to make an effort with Paige. She had been enjoying her company.

It was those photos. Which she shouldn't have been snooping through in the first place. They had put thoughts in her head. If she could just forget about those photos, things would go back to an even keel.

"Are you sure?"

Emily nodded. "Yeah. I'm going to be spending the better part of the next few weeks on the couch, I'm sure. For now, I'd like to sit here and hang out with you while you make dinner. If that's okay with you."

Paige's face split into a wide, beaming grin. It was infectious. Emily couldn't help but return it.

"Fine by me. Though, dinner's done." She turned back to the stove, and returned a few minutes with two plates, laden down with food. "Scrambled eggs on toast. Heavy on the cheese, light on the onions. A few peppers in there for color. Fried-potatoes, and ketchup for dipping." She placed one of the plates in front of Emily, and took a seat across from her, her own plate similarly laden.

It was Emily's favorite breakfast food. And she just barely refrained from asking Paige how she knew. Instead, she picked up her sandwich and took a big, hearty bite, humming softly as the light, fluffy eggs, with just the right amount of spice, and the crispy, buttery toast, met her taste buds.

"Mmm. This is really good." She covered her mouth and spoke while she chewed, before taking another, daintier bite. "Do you cook…often?"

Paige shrugged one shoulder. "Breakfast, mostly. I know my way around the kitchen, but I'm nowhere in the same league as you."

Emily nodded, taking that in, trying not to blush at the thought of Paige in the kitchen in the mornings, still mussed from sleep, working at the stove.

"Well, I'm not going to be up to doing much cooking for a while, maybe the extra practice will bring you up to speed." She took the chance at making a joke, and was relieved to see that her instinct was correct, when Paige's jaw dropped in mock outrage. Emily shrugged one shoulder, and winked.

Paige's expression dissolved into a grin, followed by a slight shake of her head and a light chuckle. "My meals are going to blow you away."

"Mmm-hmm." Emily tried to appear uninterested as she finished off the first half of her sandwich and dove into the other. "We'll see."

"Yeah. Yeah, we will."

Emily didn't doubt that Paige would prove her words. If dinner was any indication, she was in for a treat these next few weeks. It would be one thing to look forward to in this whole mess.

The silence that settled between them as they ate dinner was much more comfortable, than the silences that had stretched between them lately. It was almost companionable. Emily finished her dinner, scraping her fork across her plate to gather the fall egg crumbs, then set it down and turned to Paige, who was finishing up at well.

"Thank you, for dinner. It was delicious."

"My pleasure."

Paige stood and grabbed their plates. She carried them both over to the sink and rinsed them off, then stuck them in the dishwasher. Emily glanced at the clock on the wall, it was late, and she should probably head back to bed. But, she was feeling more wired than sleepy at the moment. Her nap, and the hearty meal had revived her, somewhat.

"So, I know it's late, but did you want to watch a movie or something?"

Paige eyes widened in surprise at the question, and she cast a glance up at the clock as well. Just as Emily was about to take back the offer, Paige nodded.

"A movie sounds great." She circled around the table and helped Emily ease to her feet. She hovered at Emily's side, frowning as she tracked her progress, which was slow, but not particularly painful.

Though she knew it was only out of concern, the unwavering attention was making Emily antsy. She was relieved when they made it to the living room and she could drop down onto the couch.

Paige fussed over her, helping her get settled. She put a pillow on the coffee table, and helped Emily ease her leg up onto it, then stacked a few pillows at her side for her to lean on, to help ease the strain on her incision site. Only when Emily was ensconced did she seat herself at the opposite end of the couch, leaning against the arm rest, her legs stretched out in front of her, crossed at the ankle on the coffee table.

"What are you in the mood for?"

Emily shrugged. She didn't even know what was out there. "Doesn't matter."

She picked up the remote, and handed it to Emily, only to snatch it back at the last minute. "Do you even know how work Netflix?"

Emily rolled her eyes, and grabbed it out of her hand, not dignifying the question with a response. Only to have Paige stifle her laughter a moment later as she peered down at the remote, trying to decipher all of its buttons.

"Shut up," she muttered, aiming the remote at the tv and stabbing at the power button. The TV flicked on with a soft pop and a flash. She pulled the remote back in front of her face to get another look at it. She didn't remember remotes being so complicated.

"What are you controlling with this thing?" she muttered, ignoring Paige's snicker. "The international space station."

"The whole house is wired. TV. Stereo. Even the microwave and dishwasher."

Emily snorted. "And, whose bright idea was that?"

"Yours."

"You wouldn't be lying to me, now would you?"

"Okay. Fine. It was mine. But, you thought it was totally cool when we did it."

"Uh-huh."

Emily had no idea if that was true, or not. But, it didn't sound like her.

Paige huffed and crossed her arms, but didn't dispute her any further. She also, thankfully, remained silent as Emily fumbled her way through finding the movie listings on Netflix. It was frustrating, not being able to something as simple as turn on her own tv. And, as she scrolled through the listings and didn't recognize a single title, or movie picture, it was yet another reminder of how much time she had lost. Suddenly, watching a movie didn't seem like such a hot idea.

"You know, I saved a movie in the favourite's folder a few days ago that we both thought looked interesting," Paige said quietly. "Should be right at the top list."

Obligingly, Emily clicked on it, and when the movie started to load, she tossed the remote down on the cushion between them, and sat back, relieved by the save, and that Paige hadn't made a big deal out of it.

The temperature in the room had dropped as night settled in, and now that Emily was no longer exerting herself trying to get around on her crutches, she was starting to feel the chill. Before she even had a chance to say anything, Paige reached up and pulled the throw blanket off the couch behind them, and tossed it over both their laps.

Murmuring a quiet thanks, Emily grasped at the edge of it, working her fingers through the edges of its weave absently. As the movie continued to play out across the screen, she relaxed further into the couch, slumping sideways a little against the pillows she was propped up on. Slowly, she felt sleep taking over her, making her eyes feel heavy. But, she wasn't ready to call it a night just yet. After a few minutes of struggling to keep them open, she let them fall closed and just listened to the voices and the action on screen, and the gentle rasp of Paige's steady breathing. It was all very calming, after so much upheaval lately. And, it lulled her into a light, drifting sleep, which she was jolted out of as the movie ended, and the screen went dark and quiet. She jolted in place, gasping, and wincing as a jolt of pain shot through her. Instead of Paige's usual concern, there was silence. When she glanced over, she realized Paige had fallen asleep sitting up, her head tipped back against the head rest.

Emily debated waking her, or letting her sleep. Clearly, Paige needed the rest. But, her neck twinged in sympathy at the thought of how Paige's would feel if she slept in that position all night. Cautiously, she reached out and laid a hand on Paige's shoulder, giving her a gentle shake to rouse her.

"Mmm. Five more minutes, babe," Paige muttered.

Emily pulled her hand away, as if burned, her cheeks flaming at the term of endearment that had slipped sleepily from Paige's lips. Maybe it would be best to just leave Paige there. She reached for her crutches, and levered herself to her feet. She made it a few steps away from the coffee table before glancing over guiltily. Sighing she lowered herself onto the coffee table and reached out, shaking Paige's shoulder once again.

"Paige. Paige, wake up."

"Hmm?" Paige's eyes fluttered open, and she peered blurrily at Emily with a sleepy smile. "Hey," she whispered, reaching up and lacing her fingers through Emily's where it rested on her shoulder.

"Paige, you need to get up," Emily said, softly, but firmly, ignoring the gesture. "You can't sleep on the couch all night. You'll wreck your neck. And, I can't carry you up the stairs."

"A'right. A'right. I'm up." She blinked a few times, and shook her head, but made no move to get to her feet. In fact, her eyes were already starting to drift back closed again. Clearly, Paige had been more tired than she'd let on.

Realizing that she was in a no win situation, Emily did the next best thing to getting Paige upstairs. She knocked her feet off the coffee table, the action jolting Paige from her stupor.

"What?" She was up like a shot, eyes wide and suddenly alert, but then slumped back down just as quickly, eyes falling shut once again. It would be funny, if Emily weren't so out of her depth.

"Feet up. On the couch," she coaxed, prodding Paige by nudging her knee. Obediently, Paige complied, pulling her legs up onto the couch so she was stretched out along its length. It wouldn't be as comfortable as the pullout, but it was better than the position she had been in. She pulled the blanket up to Paige's chin, tucking her in as best she could.

Paige hummed, low in her throat as she snuggled in. "Night, Em. I love you."

Emily swallowed hard and said nothing.


	5. Chapter 5

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TV Shows » Pretty Little Liars » **Tabula Rasa**

Author: Maetro

Rated: M - English - Romance/General - Reviews: 651 - Published: 08-30-15 - Updated: 12-20-16

id:11480032

Guest: yes, poor Paige. Though, things are getting better for her. And Emily.

Guest: I'm glad you're excited to see where this goes. I hope you continue to enjoy the story.

Ale Thank you, I'm glad you're enjoying it. I'm going to focus on their relationship, so no Shana jealousy drama, but hopefully you'll still like what I do throw in.

Lilly Thank you. And thank you for reading and reviewing.

Guest Thank you.

 **Author's Note:**. I want to thank everyone who is reading, for sticking with this story, despite the length between updates. I write whenever I get a chance, but sometimes it's sporadic. It means a lot to read your reviews, and get your feedback, and know that you're enjoying the story.

I also want to say, Happy Holidays.

XO Sam.

 **Chapter 5**

Emily woke to bright sunlight streaming through a gap in the curtains, warming her face, stirring her pleasantly awake. She stretched languidly, feeling the pull in her side, and her bruised ribs, more of a faint nagging than an actual pain. It was amazing what a good night's sleep could do, how something so simple could be so restorative. She felt more rested than she could remember being in ages. Granted, that wasn't really saying much, considering the state of her memory these days.

For being a place of healing, hospitals weren't all that restful, with the constant squeak of shoes against tiles in the hallways, the hushed whisper of voices, which still sounded loud in an otherwise quiet room, the beeping and whirring of machines, and the routine poking and prodding of staff.

A couple weeks in the hospital, being pumped full of medicines and monitored by machinery, and apparently all she'd really needed was one night in her own bed. So to speak. It wasn't the bed she'd imagined coming home to, but it was certainly comfortable. The pillows were plush, but firm beneath her head, and the sheets cool and smooth. The comforter was warm, and soft. And the mattress was just the right combination of firm, but flexible. Despite taking a while to find a comfortable position to lie in, she had fallen asleep relatively quickly, and slept right through the night. Until now.

Opening her eyes, she turned her head, only to be reminded that the clock was on the bedside table on her other side. She turned the other way, seeking out the time, and was surprised to find that she had slept so late. It was nearly noon. Though, after the late night she'd had, and everything her body had been through lately, she supposed it really wasn't that surprising.

Slowly, she eased herself up into a sitting position, pleased to find that while the act was tricky, and caused a bit of soreness, it didn't actually hurt. She reached for her crutches, being careful not to over-extend and pull anything, and carefully maneuvered herself up to her feet. From there, she began to slowly make her way out of her room, and down the stairs.

She was starting to get a hang of these crutches, finally finding a rhytmn in the odd shuffle-swing forward momentum. And, it didn't take her that long to make her way across the living room, and into the kitchen, where she could hear the familiar sounds of breakfast being made. A sound all too common in this house, though the culprit was very different this morning than she was used to.

The sound, and scent, of bacon frying as well as coffee brewing started her mouth-watering, and her stomach growling. She eased her way into the kitchen, and paused in the doorway to take in the sight of Paige at the stove. She had her back to Emily, and was humming softly, dancing in place, clearly not yet aware of Emily's presence. And Emily suddenly felt reluctant to alert her to it, content for the moment to watch her work. Paige had said that she knew her way around the kitchen, and that breakfast was something of her specialty, and Emily could believe that, from the way she moved deftly, frying the bacon and stirring something in another pan, and popping the toast out of the toaster when it was a perfect, golden brown. The tune she was humming vaguely familiar, and the way she shook her shoulders and bobbed her head was just too cute.

Emily's mind stuttered over the thought, and she shook her head. Too amusing. The way Paige shook her shoulders and bobbed her head was just too amusing, she corrected herself.

She was dressed up, the outfit unlike anything Emily had seen her in before, a deep purple blouse tucked into a black pencil skirt. Her hair was pulled back into an intricate looking braid, and earrings flashed as they caught the fluorescent overhead lights. She looked good, Emily had to admit. The blouse had no sleeves, which showed off her toned, muscular arms, and the skirt fell just above her knee, displaying firm, shapely calves.

Once again, Emily shook her head to dispel her thoughts.

Not only was it amusing watching her dance in place, it was also funny watching her jump back every time the bacon popped trying to avoid getting the grease it spit all over her nice clothes.

Rolling her eyes, Emily glanced over to the wall beside the pantry, and sure enough, one of her mother's aprons still hung on a hook there. Reaching out, she snagged it, and carefully crossed the kitchen, clearing her throat softly

Paige let out a yelp and spun around.

"Holy, shit, Em." Paige stood in place, leaning against the counter, one hand pressed against her chest. "You scared the crap out of me."

"Sorry."

"How long have you been standing there?"

"Just a minute," she said, unwilling to admit that she had been watching Paige, unobserved, for far longer than a minute. "Here." She held up the apron for Paige, gesturing for her to step into it with a nod of her head.

"Right. Uh, Thanks." Paige ducked her head and Emily settled the apron's strap around her neck, then reached for the strings, tugging them snugly around her waist.

Paige's breath hitched in her throat as Emily's fingers brushed against her stomach, and she fumbled with the knot, before completing it, face burning, and hands shaking as they fell away.

Paige cleared her throat, and took a step back. "Well, come, sit." Paige hurried over to the table to pull a chair out for Emily. "Good morning to you, sleeping beauty."

Emily ducked her head, a blush heating her cheeks at Paige's teasing grin, and slid into the proffered chair without a word.

"I was actually going to bring you breakfast in bed," Paige said, her voice muffled as she spun around and headed back to the stove. Emily could practically hear the pout in her words, as her plan had now been thwarted.

"I could always head back upstairs," she heard herself say. "And, you can come up and serve me. Were you going to bring me up breakfast on a little tray? Maybe with one of those tiny vases, with the single rose in it? And the cute little milk and sugar jars?"

"Shut up." Paige snorted, but Emily knew that her teasing had been on the mark. She was actually a little disappointed that she'd gotten out of bed. She kind of would have liked to have seen that.

Paige returned to the table a couple minutes later with two plates, loaded high with huevos rancheros, the sight and scent of which made Emily's mouth water, and her stomach let out a soft growl, that did not go unnoticed by Paige, who chuckled.

"Guess I don't have to ask if you're hungry," she said as she slid into place across from Emily.

"Yeah, well, it's almost noon," Emily pointed out, feeling a little petulant as she stabbed at a piece of egg with her fork.

"Sorry. Should I have woken you?" Paige asked, keeping her eyes on her plate as she began to eat.

The fact that Paige wouldn't meet her eye, and the plaintive tone of her voice twinged her stomach.

"No, I needed the sleep."

Paige nodded, nodded, but still kept her gaze down, and Emily sighed, feeling bad that she'd been awake for ten minutes and had already managed to hurt her. Maybe this living arrangement wasn't such a good idea, not just for her sake, but for Paige's as well. As hard as it was, knowing that Paige was hanging onto every word, every movement, looking for a trace of the Emily she knew, an Emily that no longer existed, it still pained her to know that she had the power to hurt the other woman with a few careless words.

"I'm sorry. You know how cranky I get when I'm overtired. And hungry."

"And, haven't had your coffee yet," Paige added, a faint grin pulling at her features as she nudged a coffee mug towards her. Emily eyed it hesitantly. Her mom didn't like the fact that she drank coffee, and would often take it from her, if she caught her drinking it. She said that Emily was too young to be addicted to caffeine, and that it wasn't good for her anyway. It felt a little strange that Paige had made her one, and was now encouraging her to drink it.

Emily snatched it up eagerly and took a small sip, a small, pleased smile crossing her features as she realized it was made exactly to her liking. It was a strange she could definitely get used to. "Mmm. So good." She hummed low in her throat and took another sip. She hadn't been allowed coffee in the hospital, though Spencer had snuck her in a small cup of it, but the vending machine swill had nothing on this.

"Should I leave you two alone?"

"Maybe you should."

Paige merely chuckled at her reply.

After a moment, Emily put the mug aside and turned her attention back to her breakfast.

"Is this my mother's recipe?" she asked after a few more bites, noting the distinct mix of flavors that she had only ever experienced in her mother's cooking.

Paige nodded.

"She gave you her recipe?"

Again, Paige nodded.

"She wouldn't even give me this recipe."

"Really?" Paige's eyes grew wide in surprise, and then a smile of amusement tugged at her lips. "Her own daughter?"

"Oh, shut up." Emily rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to her plate, trying to head off the teasing she knew was coming her way.

"It took me years to get a recipe off your mother," Paige said, surprising her by going with serious instead. "Even then, it was like pulling teeth. And, I'm pretty sure she left out a couple of ingredients, or one of the steps, or something, because it did not turn out. At all."

"Really?" Emily was unable to keep herself from laughing, just a little. That actually sounded like something her mother would do. She guarded her family recipes like they were worth their weight in gold.

"Oh yeah." Paige bobbed her head in an enthusiastic nod. "I asked her for the recipe for her lasagna, to make you for your birthday and it turned out horrible."

Emily quirked an eyebrow. "Are you sure that was my mother's recipe, and not just your cooking?"

"I followed it to the T."

"Uh-huh."

"I don't know why you continue to think that my cooking skills are somehow lacking, when I've cooked you two meals, as evidence to the contrary."That gave Emily pause, and she nodded. Now she felt bad, for once again ribbing Paige about her culinary skills. The other woman didn't have to cook for her. Yet she had, and Emily had done nothing but give her a hard time about it.

"You're right, I'm sorry. Breakfast is delicious. And, I think you've definitely proven that you can cook."

"Uh, thank you." Paige sounded surprised by the apology.

Even though she knew it wasn't nice, Emily just couldn't let it go. "But, giving you a fake recipe? That sounds…well exactly like something my mother would do, to someone she doesn't like. And she certainly seems to like you."

She tried very hard to keep the bitterness out of her voice. Either she succeeded, or Paige chose not to react to it.

"Well, yeah, now she does," Paige said with a shrug. "But, she didn't always."

"No?" Considering how close they had seemed at the hospital, Emily find that hard to believe.

"Not at all." Paige chuckled softly. "I wasn't allowed in your house when we first started dating. Took like, a month before she let me past the porch steps."

"Really? Why, what'd you do?"

"It wasn't what I did, but who I was," Paige said with a shrug. "Your mom was still getting used to the idea."

"Oh." That sounded a lot more like the mother she remembered than the one she'd met at the hospital, ultra-conservative and kind of old-fashioned, not one who would readily accept the fact that her daughter was gay, or embrace her girlfriend. It was more in line with what she would have expected, and yet it still pained her to hear Paige say it, and to brush it aside like it was nothing.

"I'm sorry."

"It was a long time ago," Paige said, with another shrug.

Emily nodded, shifting uncomfortable in place as that fluttery, buzzing feeling started in the pit of her stomach, the one that seemed to crop up a lot lately when the conversation moved into territories she wasn't quite ready to deal with. Talking with Paige about her mother's reaction to their relationship, with coming out, it was making this all a little too real for her.

A tense silence settled over them, with Paige hunching over the table somewhat as she ate, as if she could tell she had touched some kind of nerve and could feel Emily's discomfort. The delicious food in front of her suddenly felt tasteless, and she had to choke down the next bite.

"Well, I hate to eat and run," Paige said, her voice a little too loud and a little too cheery in the otherwise quiet room. "But, I have to head into work for a bit."

"You're leaving?" Emily did her best to hide her disappointment at Paige's words. Despite this current bout of awkwardness, she'd been enjoying her morning, or afternoon, by now, she supposed and she'd been hoping to spend some more time getting to know Paige.

"Yeah." Paige pulled a face as she stood and carried her plate to the counter. "They've been really good about giving me time off, but now that you're out of the hospital…"

"No, no I get it."

"Stuff has been piling up. I'll just be a few hours. Should be home in time for dinner," she said, turning back around, and flashing Emily a half apologetic, half hopeful smile. "I can get some takeout, and we can spend the night on the couch getting caught up on Netflix."

The decidedly domestic activity didn't sound as daunting to Emily as she would have suspected, and she found herself nodding readily. "Sounds like fun."

"Awesome. Now, your mom called while you were sleeping. She should be here shortly. She can keep you company while I'm gone."

"Paige, I don't need a babysitter."

"I know you don't. But, I also don't feel comfortable leaving you alone in the house for hours."

"I'm getting better with the crutches. Leave me the remote and some microwave dinners, and I'll be fine."

"Your parents are heading back to Texas in a few day. Don't you want to see them?"

"Of course I do. It's just…" She tried to marshal up an argument, but all she could manage was a frustrated sigh. Everyone had been telling her she wasn't a teenager anymore. That she was a grown woman. And yet, here Paige was treating her like a kid who couldn't be left home alone.

"Humor me, please?" Paige voice was a note away from pleading as she stepped around the table and dropped into a crouch beside Emily. "I know it's got to be tough, we me, your parents, everyone hovering over you like you're made of glass. But, we almost lost you. The doctors said you coded on the table, they almost didn't get you back. You would have been gone from our lives. Like that." Paige snapped her fingers in emphasis, her voice cracking. "I know you don't remember us, but we were faced with the very real possibility of losing you. And, now, we want to do everything we can to make sure your safe. So, can you please bear with us?" Paige swallowed hard, and glanced away, blinking rapidly to quell her tears.

Emily felt her own eyes burn in response, and found herself reaching out to smooth a hand across Paige's cheek. She had to swallow back a lump in her own throat before she could respond.

"Of course."

"Thank you." Paige pushed herself hastily to her feet and busied herself clearing Emily's plate from the table, sniffing, and wiping discretely at her eyes once her back was turned. Still, apparently, reluctant to cry in front of Emily, despite the emotion she'd just displayed.

"Okay, so before I go, I want to show you something." Paige returned to her side and gestured her up, holding her crutches for her until she got them situated under her arms. "Another reason I thought your mom should come this afternoon is, I figured you might want a shower, to get cleaned up today," Paige said as she led the way down the hallway between the living room and the kitchen, towards the downstairs bath. "And, that you might prefer your mother to help you with that, instead of me."

Emily faltered, her crutch hitting the floor at an awkward angle, and almost pitching her forward, at the thought of Paige having to help her bathe. It had been bad enough at the hospital, with the nurses having to help. It's not like she wasn't accustomed to being naked in front of others, after years of dancing, swimming, and a handful of other team sports. She was no stranger to locker rooms, and wasn't shy about her body.

But there was something about the idea of Paige, who she knew had romantic feelings, and a physical attraction to her, that set her nerves on edge.

She didn't respond to Paige's comment, merely let it fall between them, as Paige swung the door to the bathroom opened and stepped aside, allowing Emily the space to enter.

"But, knowing you, you'll want to try doing it all by yourself," Paige said, shooting her a knowing grin. "So…" She flicked the lights, illuminating a room that looked quite different than the one Emily remembered. The small tub had been replaced by a roomy shower shall, with stool, and a grab bar. There was only a small lip to step over to get into the stall, and the floor sloped gradually towards a drain in the corner to avoid flooding the rest of the room, which was not tile, but a soft, spongy carpet. There was also a similar grab bar beside the toilet, and another one beside the sink, which was lower than most, positioned to be reached easily from the stool bolted to the floor in front of it. Emily glanced around in astonishment. "This must have cost you a fortune."

"Not as much as you might think. Toby and I did most of the work ourselves. Although, if you ask Caleb, he'll tell you he helped. When really, he just brought beer and sandwiches."

"You did this in a couple of week?" She was impressed. And touched.

"What? No. We did this years ago. Took us a month."

Emily's brow furrowed in confusion. "Okay. But, why?"

"We figured it'd be a good investment. We're both athletic. Accidents and injuries happen. You've hurt your shoulder a couple times, pulled muscles in your back, and twisted your knee, swimming. You sprained your ankle skating once. I broke my arm mountain biking, my leg skiing."

"And the list goes on and on?" Emily said. "Why do I have a feeling your list is longer than mine?"

"Because it is." Paige laughed lightly. "Maybe I'll fill you in one of these days. Anyway, you'll probably be able to shower, by yourself, in here."

Emily nodded, feeling a bit of relief. She hated the thought of having to rely on anyone, even her mother, for something as simple as showering.

"But, please don't be stubborn about letting her help you wrap your incision site, or help you with your cast."

That seemed easy enough to agree to. "I won't, I promise."

"Thank you. So, I should be heading out. Like I said, I won't be too long. Few hours at most."

She backed out of the room, and Emily turned awkwardly on her crutches to follow her as she made her way through the house to the door.

"The number for my office is on the fridge. Call me, if you need anything. Or, even if you just want to talk." Paige ran a hand through her hair and let out a soft sigh. "Uh, the neighbours on both sides are usually home all day, they're both retired, little old ladies. If you need anything, their numbers are on the fridge as well. Maybe I should call them, have them come check in on you."

"Don't you dare," Emily said, unable to stop herself from laughing, just a little, at Paige's overprotectiveness. It was sweet, in a completely unnecessary, kind of overbearing way. If it weren't for the still fresh memory of the raw emotion in Paige's voice, and the way her eyes shone with tears she refused to shed, as she talked about how close she'd come to losing her, Emily probably would have been more annoyed.

She knew her accident was serious. The injuries she was still healing from, and the ten year gap in her memories was evidence of that, but she guessed she hadn't really processed it yet. She was so busy trying to adjust to this new life of hers, she hadn't had a chance to think about everything she might have lost.

Paige spun around as she reached the front door, and offered Emily a sheepish smile.

"I'm being ridiculous, aren't I?"

"A little bit, yeah. But, it's okay." She had a feeling that no matter what reassurances she gave, Paige was still going to worry. "I'll watch tv or something until my mom gets here so you won't have to worry about me slipping and falling while wandering around the house."

"Thank you." Paige's smile turned grateful as she grabbed her coat, shrugging it on. "What do you want for dinner?"

"Surprise me." Emily handed Paige her briefcase, and then her keys.

"All right. See you tonight." Paige leaned in, and brushed a soft, sweet kiss against Emily's lips.

It was brief, and over almost before it began, both of them pulling back, wide eyed in shock.

"Oh, my God, Em. I'm so sorry."

"Paige-" Her fingers drifted to her lips, which still tingled.

"It was just…reflex…habit."

Paige's expression went from horrified, to contrite, to….heartbroken. It tugged at Emily's heart, watching her face fall, the light in her eyes dim, as she realized she had just apologized to the woman she loved for kissing her.

"It's okay," she heard herself say. "Just habit, like you said." Her heart raced, and heat flooded across her cheeks as she recalled how soft Paige's lips had felt against her own, at the way her breath had tickled her skin as she'd pulled away.

Paige nodded wordlessly, and turned to leave. Emily found herself reaching out and snagging her wrist, stopping her from opening the door.

"I mean it, Paige. Seriously. It's okay. It was…kind of nice." She wasn't quite sure what she meant by that admission, or if she was ready to deal with its consequences, but she couldn't let Paige leave with that hangdog expression on her face.

"Um. Okay." Paige looked just as confused as Emily felt, which, she supposed was better than utterly devastated, although not by much.

"Have a good day," Emily said, leaning in and, cheeks flaming and heart racing, brushed a soft kiss against Paige's cheek, just off the corner of her mouth. She pulled back, and couldn't bring herself to meet Paige's gaze, staring down at her high heel clad shoes instead.

Paige cleared her throat. "Right. Um. Be careful. See you tonight."

Emily didn't look up as she turned to leave, her gaze kept firmly on the ground as she heard the door click shut behind her.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note:** I know it's been awhile since my last update. I'm sorry. I will try to update more frequently, but things are kind of hectic right now, so I don't know how much actual writing time I'll get.

Thank you, for reading. And for reviewing. Your comments mean the world to me.

 **Chapter 6**

Emily was still standing in the foyer, a finger on her lips, tracing the shape of them and remembering the feel of Paige's lips pressed against them, when her mother pushed open the front door, nearly knocking her over as she stepped inside. She hopped back, awkwardly dragging her crutches with her, as Pam stumbled to a stop just inside the door.

"Emily. Sweetie. My goodness." Pam let the door fall shut behind her, it closing with a resounding bang that would have gotten Emily yelled at, if the roles were reversed. "I'm sorry. I…What are you doing, just standing in front of the door like that?" She asked as she stepped past Emily, and began making her way across the room.

"Sorry, Mom." Emily shook herself out of her stupor, and readjusted herself on her crutches, balancing herself more carefully as she trailed after her mother. She was really getting a hang of this swing, step, and shuffle rhythm. She didn't even get her crutch caught on the edge of the living room rug, or the leg of the coffee table as she made her way past.

"I was just…" What? Reliving the feeling of Paige's lips against her own? Contemplating the butterflies that still stirred in her stomach? "Saying goodbye to Paige. She left for work."

Emily figured that was close enough to the truth. As long as her mother didn't ask how long ago Paige left. Because, Emily had lost track of time standing there, but she had a feeling that it had been awhile.

"Oh? I must have just missed her," Pam said absently as she reached the kitchen, and placed her load onto the counter, and began unpacking. It was then that Emily realized she had even been carrying anything in her arms. And it took her another moment to process what it was she had.

"You know, we do have food in the house," she said, as she leaned against the counter beside her mother, and watched her mother pull fresh fruits and vegetables, cans of soups and sauces, and an assortment of dried noodles and fresh-cut butcher meats from the two paper grocery bags. "You don't have to bring your own."

"I know, honey," Pam said, rolling her eyes at Emily's lame attempt at humor. "But, with you not getting around so well, and Paige back to work, I thought it might be a good idea to prep a few meals for you guys. That way, you don't have to strain yourself while you're here alone, and Paige won't have to worry about cooking when she gets home."

It was a sweet gesture. And, very much a Pam Fields thing for her mom to do. Even though Pam had worked outside the home for most of Emily's childhood, wanting to give her daughter a good example of how women can have it all; a career and a family, it was clear that she was happiest in the kitchen taking care of her family the best way she knew how. Making sure they were happy, and well fed. But, Emily was torn. She appreciated what her mother was doing. Not only was it extremely thoughtful, but her cooking was amazing. Emily's mouth was watering just looking at the ingredients, contemplating what she might be making. But, Paige had seemed so excited about the prospect of getting to cook for Emily. Something that evidently, she didn't do all that often. It seemed cruel to take that away from her. And, if Emily were being honest, she was looking forward to it as well.

Still, maybe it couldn't hurt to have a few backup meals in the freezer, for days when Paige wasn't up to it. Or Emily got hungry before she got home.

"You don't have to," Emily said, as Pam crossed the room and retrieved her apron from the hook. The same one Emily had helped Paige into not that long ago. Her fingers tingled with the memory of brushing against Paige as she'd tied it up for her. "But, thank you. I appreciate it. And, I'm sure Paige will too."

"Of course, sweetie. Anything for my girls."

It was still strange for Emily to hear her mother refer to Paige with such familiarity. To have her mother so easily accept the fact that she was in a relationship with another woman. Well, maybe not so easily, a niggling voice in the back of her head reminded her, as she recalled Paige's earlier comments about how she'd had to work for her mother's trust (and recipes.)

But, still, it was a far cry from the disgust and dismay her mother had expressed over things like gay marriage being legalized, or seeing two guys holding hands in line ahead of her at the grocery store.

She was having a hard time reconciling those memories, most of them taking place in this very kitchen, her mom lamenting over the unfortunate changing of the times while Emily watched her cook, or ate dinner, or helped her clean up, taking in the words, and trying not to think about why they made her head buzz, or her skin feel itchy, and tight.

She had always thought it was just because she was of a different generation, taught to be more accepting, more lenient. That exposure to such things though tv and movies made her less conservative, and her discomfort was because she didn't necessarily agree with her mother's opinions. Not because she herself was one of those sinners that her mother was so against.

Paige had alluded to troubles with Pam and herself, which made Emily wonder how her own coming out had been received. She couldn't imagine that it had gone well.

She wanted to ask. It was one of many questions rolling around inside her brain that she was hesitant to actually voice, because she wasn't sure she was ready to hear the answers. Despite the evidence to the contrary, she was still having trouble accepting the fact that she was gay. She just couldn't seem to wrap her mind around it. A part of her felt like this was all some dream, and she was going to wake up at any minute, back in her own bed, in her own room, with her mom yelling at her to get a move on or she was going to be late for school, even as her rational mind accepted that this was her reality,

"How are you holding up?" Pam's question was muffled as she bent at the waist and began pulling pots and pans from the cupboard beside the stove.

"If by holding up, you mean, do I remember anything, then the answer is still no. But, otherwise, I'm doing okay." Her answer was mostly honest. The memory loss was bothersome, but she was muddling through. And her pain was manageable, the odd tug or twinge her or there, if she moved too suddenly, but generally not a problem.

"Paige made me promise to get you to help me wrap up my incision site if I decided to take a shower," she added. It would probably be a good idea. She'd washed up before leaving the hospital yesterday, but her hair still felt greasy and lank, and her skin clammy with old sweat.

"Just say when."

Emily leaned more heavily against the counter, watching as her mom bustled around the kitchen.

"Your dad should be here shortly. He stopped by to get caught up with one of his old Army buddies. Harley Granger. Do you remember him?"

The name called up an image of a tall, lanky kid, all limbs with huge hands, and feet that he stumbled over, more than strode on. He had wide, expressive blue eyes and with his hair cropped short, his ears stuck out, making him look like Dumbo. He had enlisted just out of high school, and been assigned to her father's unit. Her dad had at first grumbled about him, but then taken him under his wing and the two of them had bonded as he'd proven himself to be a capable solider.

He'd come around the house a few times, when her father's unit had gotten a few days leave, long enough to get off the base, but not long enough for him to make the trip all the way out to Oregon, where his family lived.

Emily nodded. "Yeah. I remember Harley. What's he up to now?"

"Got married a couple years ago. He and his wife…Jeanette, I think her name is, is pregnant with their first child."

Emily gave a non-committal hum as her Mom began updating her on the other members of her father's unit, the ones she figured Emily would remember at least, as she chopped vegetables and deboned chicken breasts and whisked ingredients together in bowls.

Emily's arms soon grew tired of supporting her weight, and she shifted from the counter to the table, listening to her mother speak, and watching her work, from her seat. She took comfort in the familiar scene. Her childhood having been filled with moment like this. It was first dose of normal she'd had in what felt like a very long time.

She moved on, from her father's army buddies to old neighbours, relatives and family friends, filling her in on what had been going on with Mrs. Crowley from across the street, her cousin from Ohio, and an assortment of others. Emily listened, and asked questions, laughed at the funny stories, and just generally tried to soak all of this new information in. Soon, the kitchen was filled with an enticing mixture of scents and spices, as several meals simmered and roasted, and her mother tended to them with an expert touch. Despite having eaten a hearty breakfast not too long ago, Emily's mouth was watering, and her stomach was rumbling.

As if reading her mind, or perhaps, able to hear the growling over the whir of the stove fan, and the crack and sizzle of the pans, Pam carried over a plate loaded down with fresh cut fruit, potato chips and a thick chicken sandwich on white bread, complete with crisp lettuce and thinly sliced tomato.

"Have you talked to the girls, since you got home?" Pam asked as she slid into the seat across from Emily with a plate of her own.

By "the girls," Emily assumed her mother meant Aria Montgomery, Hannah Marin, and Spencer Hastings. They had come to the hospital every day, coming by alone, or together, with magazines to read and snacks they'd snuck past the nurses, full of stories and complaints about co-workers and bosses and boyfriends and first dates.

Most of their visits had left her reeling. Inundated with so much unfamiliarity, it was hard for her to process everything all at once. By all accounts, the four of them were close. Beyond close. Inseparable.

But, Emily had only a vague recollection of all of them, and with the exception of Spencer, didn't think she'd said a word to any of them. Before she was discharged, they had made her promise to keep in touch, and she had agreed. Though, secretly she had no intentions of doing so. She'd felt bit like a kid crossing their fingers behind their back as they swore to something.

But now Paige's words were ringing in her ears, her plaintive plea for Emily to remember that they had all almost lost her. And suddenly she found herself reconsidering.

"I haven't," she admitted, feeling guilty about that fact now. Even if it hadn't even been a full day. "But, I will. Maybe I'll see if we can get together this weekend."

"That sounds nice."

Emily nodded in agreement. She wouldn't have thought so previously, but now that it had been brought up, she was already looking forward to it. Aria was a sweetheart. And Hannah had kept her in stitches every time she visited. Pun unintended. And Spencer was an unexpected smartass. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to connect, or reconnect, or whatever, with the three of them.

She was mulling that over when her dad when her dad came striding through the front door.

'Well, aren't you two a sight for sore eyes," he drawled as he made his way into the kitchen. "How are my girls doing?" He leaned down to give Pam a hug, before circling the table greet Emily.

"Hey, Daddy." She sank eagerly into his embrace, eyes closing for a brief moment as she soaked in the feel of his strong arms around her.

"Emmy."

He dropped a kiss to the top of her head and then pulled away. Immediately, Emily missed the contact. It was still something of a novelty to Emily, having her father there. Though she had seen him every day for the past couple weeks, her last memories of him before the accident were grainy Skye images, and tinny voice messages. He'd been posted overseas for almost a year at that point, his last visit home being the previous Christmas. Even though her parents had informed her that they visited often, and spoke even more frequently over the years since he'd retired, Emily couldn't recall experiencing that. She was still adjusting to the idea that not only was he stateside, but she wouldn't have to worry about his safety anymore.

Pam stood, offering to fix him a plate, but he waved her off, saying he could get his own. And a few minutes later he returned to the table, joining them for lunch.

They spent the afternoon there, sitting around the kitchen table, sharing stories and memories. The scene reminiscent of so many afternoons from her childhood. Whenever had dad was home on leave, they'd spend hours shut up in the house, just the three of them, her parents drinking coffee, Emily drinking cocoa, the aroma of her mother's cooking filling the air as they talked and laughed.

The time with her parents was just what Emily needed. As the day wore on, she began to feel more at ease. Like herself again. It pained her though, that this was going to be a rare occurrence. Her parents were leaving for Texas in a few days. But, while Emily knew she would miss them something fierce, the thought of them leaving didn't bother her, the way it had a few days ago. Nor was she filled with the desire to go with them.

The doctors hadn't explicitly told her not to go to Texas with her parents. They had encouraged her to stay and surround herself with familiar things, but there was nothing actually stopping her from boarding that plane and going with her.

Nothing except for the fact that, by all accounts, she had a good life here. She had a degree in a field she apparently loved. She had a job she supposedly enjoyed. She had the drop-everything-for-her type of friends.

And, she had Paige.

Even if she wasn't entirely sure what that meant. All Emily knew was, there were reasons why she was okay with staying behind. And Paige was one of them. She was the main one, if Emily were being honest. Though, being honest was something she was having a little trouble with lately.

When her mom set her sights on cooking dinner, suggesting a family Sunday style meal for probably the last time they would all be together for a while, Emily agreed. And then excused herself into the living room to call Paige and let he know not to bring home takeout.

She felt silly for being nervous as she held the small, unfamiliar cell-phone to her ear, listening to it ring dully. But that didn't stop her fingers from trembling. Or her heart from leaping up into her throat as she waited for Paige to answer.

"McCullers," Paige barked into the phone, sounding frazzled.

Emily's breath hitched at the rough rasp in her voice, and tried to ignore the fluttering in her stomach as she imagined Paige sitting at her desk, elbows resting on the surface, shoulders hunched forward as she cradled the phone in her hand. The braid she'd so carefully constructed that morning was probably gone by now, dislodged by her running her fingers through her hair in frustration.

It was disconcerting to Emily that the image came so readily. As was the feelings it invoked. But she pushed that aside, and cleared her throat to speak.

"Hey. Is this a bad time?"

"For you? Never." Paige's voice softened, and Emily imagined her sitting back in her chair, and running her fingers through her hair, this time casually, sifting through the locks as she allowed herself a moment to relax. "Everything okay?"

"Everything's fine."

"So, you just called to chat?"

Emily could practically hear the smile in Paige's voice at the thought,

"Not if you've got something going on over there."

"Trust me, I'd much rather be talking with you than dealing with this clusterfuck."

Emily chuckled at Paige's turn of phrase. She'd only ever heard her father use it before. Idly she wondered if Paige had picked it up from him.

"But, the time you spend talking with me is time spent away from dealing with whatever it is your dealing with. And, the sooner you finish up there, the sooner you can get back here."

"Hmm. I see your point. All right, what's up? I'm at work here, woman, speak fast."

Emily laughed, and shook her head, even though Paige couldn't see her. "Don't bother bringing anything home tonight. My mom's cooking."

"She is?" Paige sounded excited by the prospect. "What's she making?"

"Roast. With potatoes. And carrots. And…something for dessert."

Her mom hadn't actually decided on that before Emily had left the room.

"My mouth is watering already." Paige groaned. "I'll probably be another hour or so here. Is that all right?"

"I'll let my mom know. I'm sure she'll time everything accordingly."

"Awesome."

Emily nodded, not sure what else to say. A silence stretched out over the line, and Emily could hear faint rustling of paper and the creak of Paige's desk chair in the distance.

"Was there anything else?" Paige asked softly after a few minutes, and Emily felt her cheeks heat up at the gentle prompt. It was ridiculous, but she just wasn't quite ready to get off the phone. Despite having nothing to actually say, and knowing that the time Paige spent indulging her was time taken away from her job, and time taken away from her coming back home.

"No. No, that was it."

"OK. Um… Thanks for calling."

"Of course."

"No, I mean….it was nice to hear your voice."

"Oh." Emily's flush deepened, and she felt the corners of her lips tug up in a grin.

"I'll see you later."

"Not too much later, I hope." It was cheesy, and Emily winced as soon as the words left her mouth, but it earned her a light chuckle.

"I promise."

There was another small pause, and another ensuing silence. It occurred to Emily that this was probably the point in the conversation in which they'd both say "I love you." And, she wondered if the absence of that was what was making it so hard for Paige to say goodbye, and hang up the phone.

She didn't want to be the first one to sever the connection. And, while that made her feel like a kid with their first crush, ending the phone call with "you hang up." "No, you hang up." It was the truth, and there wasn't anything she could do about it.

The moment is broken by someone hollering Paige's name on her end.

"I guess I really do have to go," she says, her voice somewhere between laughter and a sigh. "Bye, Em."

"Bye, Paige."

There was a short pause, where Emily could still hear Paige breathing softly over the line before the call ended with a short click. Emily pulled the phone away from her ear slowly, gripping it tightly for a long moment before tucking it into her pocket and heading back into the kitchen.

It was an hour and forty-five minutes after their phone call that Paige made it home. Not that Emily was keeping track of the time, or anything. By that point, Emily had showered and changed, and was feeling refreshed. She and her father were sitting in the living room catching up, having been banished from the kitchen by Pam, who claimed they were getting underfoot. Emily wasn't sure how they could be in the way just sitting at the kitchen table, but it was a familiar refrain to both father and daughter and they knew better than to argue. Instead they let themselves be ushered into the other room, Wayne with a beer and Emily, despite all arguments about being of legal age now, with a glass of soda. Pam was taking the doctors warnings about not mixing alcohol with her meds seriously. Wayne had been letting her sneak sips of his beer every now and then, which Emily had taken, because after everything she was too stubborn to admit that she still didn't particularly like the taste of it.

She had finished one such sip, struggling not to wince as she handed the bottle back to her father, when the front door swung open, bringing with it a blast of cool evening air.

"Hey, guys." Paige's grin was wide, and contagious, when she spotted them on the couch. Emily felt her own lips tugging up in response as she watched Paige shuck her coat and tuck her briefcase under the table beside the door.

"Hey, kiddo." Wayne was on his feet immediately, and as Emily struggled to follow suit, he opened his arms, and Paige walked right into them. They exchanged whispered words, which Emily did not catch, as Paige squeezed him tight, and he returned the embrace with equal vigor.

Pam strode into the room as they pulled apart, a wine glass in each hand. One of which she handed to Paige a moment before she wrapped her arms around her in a hug.

Emily watched the exchanges in fascination. Though she had been observing her parents and Paige interact for weeks now, she was still getting used to the familiarity and ease they had with each other. It wasn't disconcerting, the way it had been for the first few days, but it was still somewhat strange to witness.

"Dinner in ten minutes," Pam informed them, when she and Paige had pulled apart.

"Do you need any help?" Wayne asked, and without waiting for an answer, turned and strode into the kitchen. Pam hurried after him, warning him not to touch anything, and to stay away from the cake, to keep his finger out of the icing.

Emily chuckled, as she watched them go, relieved to find that some things never changed. Her laughter slowly faded as she turned to face Paige, the other woman hovering a foot or so away. She shifted uneasily, overwhelmed with the urge to pull Paige into the kind of hug she'd seen her exchange with Pam and Wayne, but uncertain as to whether or not it would be welcome. Or appropriate.

For her part, Paige looked equally uncertain. She kept glancing at Emily, and then down at the floor, as if her feet were suddenly the most interesting thing in the room.

After a moment of awkward tension, Emily decided to give into her desires, and shuffled forward. Paige's head popped up, her eyes widening, as Emily shifted her arms from her crutches to wrap around Paige's neck. She wobbled in place for a moment, still unsteady even on her good leg, and then Paige's arms were around her waist, holding her up and pulling her close.

Emily sighed softly as she melted into Paige's embrace. She thought she heard Paige echo the sound. Her head tucked naturally into the curve of Paige's neck, the light, citrusy scent of Paige's perfume, and a few loose tendrils of her hair, tickling her nose as she closed her eyes and soaked in the feel of Paige's strong arms wrapped firmly around her.

They stood that way for a long moment, both of them reluctant to let go. Emily only did so because the edge of her crutch was starting to dig uncomfortably into her side, pressing against her incision sight. Unwillingly, she unwound her arms from around Paige's neck and pulled back. Slowly, Paige's arms began to slip from around her back.

That morning's goodbye still fresh in her mind, her lips still tingling from where Paige had kissed her, from where they'd grazed the soft skin of Paige's cheek, Emily could not resist the urge to once again dip her head, and brush a soft kiss against Paige's cheek. It was light, and fleeting, a mere butterfly of a kiss, but Emily felt it her down to her very core. And, the hitch in Paige's breath was unmistakable.

The air between them was charged, when she pulled back. She could practically feel Paige's questions, her uncertainty, pressing in on her.

"How was the rest of your day?" Emily asked, desperate to brush past the moment as she positioned herself once again over her crutches and turned slowly to make her way into the kitchen.

She knew that she liked the way kissing Paige's cheek has made her feel, but she wasn't ready to examine it, or answer what that might mean.

Paige let out an aggrieved sigh, and ran a hand through her hair, which was as Emily predicted, hanging in loose waves, the braid long gone.

"That well huh?"

"Even better," Paige said, her mouth twisting up into a bitter smile.

"Well, then I guess it's a good thing that you've got wine," Emily said, nodding towards the cup dangling from Paige's hand. "And, my mother's cooking."

Paige's gaze turned to the glass in surprise, as if she'd forgotten it were there. And she brought it to her lips, taking a long pull. Emily watched her throat work, until she had to tear her gaze away, suddenly uncomfortably warm, like a fever had onset quickly.

"That's true," Paige said, keeping pace beside her as they made their way into the kitchen. "My mouth has been watering for Pam's post roast."

"You and me both. But, at least you didn't have to sit here and smell it cooking for half the day."

"Aww, poor Em." Paige reached out and rubbed her back soothingly, though her words were more mocking than comforting.

"Fair warning though, dinner is not all my mom cooked today. She prepped a whole bunch of meals, and stocked them in the freezer."

"Oh, yeah?"

Emily couldn't be certain, but she was pretty sure she heard disappointment in Paige's voice.

"Yeah. But, don't think that lets you off the hook. You promised me meals, McCullers. And I intend to hold you to that."

Paige laughed lightly, but didn't protest, leading Emily to believe that she was correct in her assessment.

When they reached the kitchen, the meal was almost entirely on the table. Wayne was just carrying over the freshly cut up roast, as Pam placed the last dish on the table.

"Dinner looks delicious," Paige said, giving Pam's arm a squeeze as she passed.

"Tastes good, too," Wayne said, popping a piece of meat into his mouth, then laughed as he dodged the swat that Pam send his way.

Pam rolled her eyes at him, before thanking Paige for the compliment. "You must be starved. Sit. Eat." She waved Paige into her chair. Paige looked ready to resist, but complied when she saw Wayne pulling Emily's chair out for her.

Within moments they were all settled at the table. The room quiet as they piled food onto their plates, followed by lowly mumbled compliments to Pam for her cooking as they took their first bites, until, eventually, the meal was spent in lively conversation as they cleaned their plates, and then went back for seconds, and in some cases (Wayne and Paige) thirds.

It was a scene reminiscent of so many nights from Emily's childhood, and even the addition of Paige, who was a still somewhat of an unknown quality, did not detract from the level of comfort, and much needed familiarity, the moment provided Emily. In fact, having Paige there only added to it, she had to admit. Over the past weeks, but especially the last two days, Paige had shown herself to be solid, to be steady, and Emily was coming to rely on that, more and more.

Emily ate until she was stuffed. And then ate some more, picking at leftover morsels on her plate, and from the serving dishes on the table. Until Wayne and Paige rose from the table and began clearing everything away. While they did that, Pam made coffee, and when the three of them were finished with their tasks, they all retired to the living room.

Paige helped Emily settle onto the couch, propping her up on pillows piled against the armrest, with her legs stretched out across the length of the couch, while Pam and Wayne took the arm chairs flanking either side. Once she was situated, Paige gently lifted her legs, and slipped beneath them, settling on the far end of the couch and pulling them into her lap. Emily hummed contentedly at faint heat emanating from Paige's body, against her calves, and the gentle weight of her hand, as it rested against her ankle.

A good meal, combined with a full day, and a dose of pain meds, started to weigh on Emily, making her sleepy. She felt her eyes starting to droop, and despite her struggle to keep them open, eventually drift close. She followed the conversation swirling around her for awhile, before apparently dozing off, because the next thing she knows, the house is quiet, and the room is cast in shadows from the streetlights outside.

Her first glance is to where Paige had been sitting, a pang of disappointment filling her chest as she realizes the space is empty, the warmth enclosing her leg comes from a blanket, rather than Paige's body heat. She wonders what time it is, as she slowly sits up and casts about for lamp on the side table.

"Oh, hey, you're up."

She jumps at the sound of a voice, and turns towards the sound of it in the darkness, finding Paige finally in a sliver of light coming in through the window. She sees that Paige has changed cloths, is now clad in a pair of loose pj pants and a long sleeve t-shirt.

"Mmh. Yeah. How long was I out?"

"About an hour. Your parents left about thirty minutes ago. I just went upstairs to get changed. You looked so peaceful, I didn't want to wake you."

Emily nodded. "Yeah. I think I needed the rest." She felt wide awake now, the brief nap leaving her feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. "Sorry for conking out on you."

"No worries," Paige said as she came over and sat on the coffee table in front of the couch. "Like you said, you needed the rest."

"I didn't get to say goodbye to my parents though."

"They understand. And, your mom suggested lunch tomorrow, so you'll see them before they leave."

Emily nodded, relieved about that, though she was still a little disappointed about missing out on an evening of Netflix with Paige. It was a silly, simple thing, but she'd been looking forward to it all day.

"Are you ready for bed?" Paige asked. "Or, did you maybe want to watch something?" It was as if she could read her mind.

"I'm not tired anymore," she said. "I could stay awake for something, I'm sure," she added, unable to voice how much she really wanted it.

"Awesome." Paige's grin was wide and beaming, even in the dull light. It faded slowly, though, as she shifted in place and rubbed at the back of her neck. "So, uh…not to make you uncomfortable or anything…but...I think it would be best if we watched it upstairs. I know you're awake now, but….if you fall asleep again...I can't carry you upstairs…and, it's definitely better for you back if you don't spend the night down here… And I worry about you trying to make it upstairs on your crutches if you're tired…"

She was adorable when she rambled.

The thought came unbidden, and Emily was too tired to fight it.

"Paige…Paige."

Paige cut herself off in midsentence, her mouth snapping shut.

"It's fine. I agree."

"It is. You do?"

Emily nodded. As comfortable as the couch was, she had a crick in her neck from short time she'd spent lying on it. She could just imagine the other aches and pains she'd feel if she were here for a whole night.

"Oh. Well, okay then. Let me just grab my laptop. And, I'll meet you upstairs?"

"Sounds like a plan."

Emily eased herself to her feet, and grabbed her crutches. While Paige collected her laptop from where it was charging on the table in the alcove, Emily made her way upstairs, maneuvering carefully in the near dark. She had reached her room, (their room?) and was lowering herself onto the bed, when Paige strode into the room with her computer in one hand, and a couple of water bottles and a bag of chips clutched precariously in the other. Emily didn't know how she could possibly have room for more food after all she'd eaten today, but the sight of the bag of chips made her stomach rumble. Loudly.

Paige chuckled, and Emily threw a pillow at her, which she dodged easily and circled around to slide onto the other side of the bed. She was careful to keep a respectable distance between them as she settled in, the laptop placed on the bed between them. Emily both appreciated, and resented the gesture. She would not have minded sitting shoulder to shoulder, maybe cuddling up a little. But, she didn't say anything as she relaxed back against the pillows, and turned her gaze to the screen.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note:** So many of you are posting as "guest" and I wish you would give me user names, so I can talk with you directly. I really, truly do appreciate your time, and attention to this story though. And I'll do my best to answer any questions, and reply to your comments.

Thank you, all, so much, for the support with the last chapter. Your responses were overwhelming. I'm so glad you're enjoying the story.

Guest: Yeah, it's a tough spot all around.

Guest: I'm glad you liked it. Yeah, she's slowly coming around, even if she'd not quite ready to admit it yet. I'm glad you liked their interactions.

Guest: Thank you. I'm glad that you're enjoying it.

Viva33 Yeah, slowly they're working their way back to each other.

Guest: Can't go wrong with Netflix and junkfood.

Guest: Thank you. The slow burn is always my favorite part of any story, so I'm glad you're enjoying it.

Guest: I will be delving into their past a bit with the next couple chapters.

Guest: There will be a bit more with Paige and the parents, as well as some stuff about their past in the next couple chapters.

Guest: Thank you. I'm glad you're enjoying it.

Ale: There will be a bit about their past in the next couple chapters, and Emily's friends will be making an appearance soon as well.

 **Chapter 7**

Emily must have fallen asleep, because the next thing she was aware of was the room being an inky grey, and the sensation the surface beneath her subtly moving. She murmured softly and clung to the soft warmth as it shifted away from her, trying to hold on to it, as well as the hazy, half-aware state that she was in. The mattress dipped beneath her, and her head sank into the cool fluffiness of her pillow. Her eyelids fluttered, fighting to stay closed, but she pried them open long enough to catch a glimpse of movement, a shadow a shade or two darker than the dull light in the room.

"Paige?" Her voice came out low, and hoarse, her throat still thick with sleep. "What's wrong?"

The mattress dipped once again as Paige leaned over and brushed a hand over her cheek, gently tucking a few errant strands of hair behind her ear. "Nothing's wrong. Go back to sleep."

Her body was already working to obey Paige's words, though her mind was fighting the efforts, struggling to stay aware. "What time is it?"

"Early. Go back to sleep," Paige repeated, her hand lingering against Emily's cheek.

"You go back to sleep," Emily muttered, her words mostly drowsy, but also somewhat petulantly. She had been comfortable, before she'd been disturbed. And, though she knew it was irrational, not to mention unlikely, she felt like she wouldn't be able to get comfortable again now that Paige had risen from the bed.

Paige chuckled softly. "As tempting as that offer is…I'm going for a run before I have to get ready for work. I'll be back in time to make you breakfast before I go. Get some rest."

"Mmm. Okay." Emily was already drifting back off, lulled by the soft cadence of Paige's voice, and the gentle caress of Paige's fingertips against her cheek.

Sighing softly she curled into her pillow, burying her nose deep into the. Her brow furrowed softly at the crisp, linen scent. She shifted forward, seeking out the smell of citrus that had enveloped her as she woke. Another soft sigh passed her lips as she found it, and she drew a deep breath. Within moments, she was sleeping soundly once again.

It was some time later that she woke again, this time more fully than she had previously. The early morning encounter a dull, distant memory. Emily could not even be sure the conversation had actually taken place, it might have been a dream. The only evidence that it was real, and not a figment of her subconscious was the rumpled sheets on the other side of the bed, indicating that she had, in fact, not slept alone last night, and Paige's laptop tucked neatly onto the bedside table.

She lay in bed for a long moment, listening for sounds in the early morning quiet. At first she thought the house was still, that perhaps Paige was not back from her run yet. And a flash of worry passed through her. She wasn't sure what time Paige had left, but it had still been dark and now it was bright. That was a long time for Paige to have been gone. Before she could get too consumed with worry, she heard a faint rustling from down the hall. Feeling relieved to know that Paige had made it back safe and sound (that she'd chosen to come back.) Emily eased herself into a sitting position and reached for her crutches. She made her way, relatively smoothly, to her feet, and tried not to examine the flutter of anticipation in her stomach as she traversed the short distance between her room and Paige's study.

She could hear Paige moving around in the room before she reached it. She rounded the doorway and stumbled to a stop, her question about how Paige's run was dying on her lips, a surprised squeak escaping from her throat in its place at the sight before her. Paige spun around at the sound, and Emily let out another squeak, more like a yelp, actually as she stumbled in place, and swayed dangerously on her crutches before gaining her bearings. She averted her gaze, though she knew the image would forever be etched in her mind.

Apparently, Paige had come home from her run, and showered, without waking Emily. She now stood in the middle of her study, now bedroom, hair still damp from her shower and hanging down around her shoulders, which were bare, because at the moment the only thing she was wearing was a pair of red boyshorts.

"I'm so sorry," she muttered, eyes fixed firmly on the floor. She could feel her cheeks heating up in a blush, and she knew she should back out of the room, give Paige some privacy, but she was too mortified to move.

Paige sighed softly, and Emily heard the rustle of fabric as she pulled something on, probably the dress pants she had been holding when Emily burst in.

"Its fine, Em. Not like it's anything you haven't seen before."

Emily's cheeks burned hotter at the implications. And at the fact that, even if she couldn't remember seeing (or wanting to see) Paige's body from before, she certainly wasn't going to be able to forget it now.

Her glimpse had been brief, but it had been thorough. Her first impression had been that of strength, of power. She'd known that Paige kept herself in good shape, but she'd had no idea how good until she'd watched the muscles in her shoulders, back, and thighs subtly flex beneath her skin as she'd pulled her underwear up. She was toned and tight in all the right places, and soft and curvy in all of the others. Her skin, Emily knew, was warm, and silky smooth, though she couldn't remember ever seeing so much of it on display before. Her fingers had tingled with the desire to reach out and touch.

And then, Paige had spun around, and Emily's heart had jumped into her throat and her mouth had gone dry at the fleeting image of her breasts, full and pert, and her flat, toned stomach, and the surprising silver piercing through her bellybutton that Emily's eyes had lingered on, even as she'd snapped her gaze away.

She couldn't help but wonder if Paige's words were permission to look. And before she had time to consider that it wasn't, or why that mattered, she had raised her gaze. Paige had put on a bra, a lacy red one that matched her panties, in the intervening moments, and was now unhurriedly pulling a shirt on.

"This is not usually the reaction I get when you walk in on me changing," she said softly as she began buttoning up. There was something in her tone that Emily registered, but could not identify. Admittedly, she might have had more luck in figuring it out if she wasn't so preoccupied with the sight of Paige's long, deft fingers working the buttons of her shirt, slowly covering up the toned abs and ample breasts that Emily was in equal parts relieved and disappointed to see covered.

Despite herself, Emily couldn't help but wonder what her reaction used to be.

"You used to like what you saw," Paige said, her words sounding more like they were to herself, than Emily.

It took a minute, but Paige being fully clothed pulled Emily out of her stupor, and finally Paige's words, or rather, her tone, caught up to her. The quality in her voice that Emily was unable to identify finally hitting her deep in the chest. Pain. There was a soft-spoken, barely masked anguish in her words that tugged at Emily's heart strings.

She met Paige's eye for the first time since this whole incident had started. Paige shot her a wry, lopsided smile, but it was forced, feigned. And for the first time since her accident, Emily sensed how difficult this situation was for Paige. How hard it must be for her. How much of herself she was giving up to put Emily's comfort, and Emily's needs above her own. Not only had she been thrust into the role of bread-winner and caretaker, but she was doing so for a woman she loved, who couldn't love her back.

"Who says I still don't?" The words were out of Emily's mouth before she had a chance to consider them. She couldn't help the grin that crossed her lips at Paige's stunned expression. It was comical, the way her eyes widened and she gulped audibly.

"Em," she breathed, her words a mere husk. She took a step forward, and then stopped, seemingly holding herself back, as she wrung her hands in front of her.

Emily's amusement faded quickly as the implications of her words settled in. Paige didn't seem to know what to do with the words any more than Emily did. Tension hung heavy in the air between them

"You're in very good shape." Emily said, trying to diffuse the situation, her heart beating a staccato in her chest as her panic started to rise.

Paige nodded and took a deep breath, then cleared her throat. "Bi-product of an active lifestyle." Worse than hurt, her tone was flat, carrying absolutely no inflection.

"Paige, I-"

"Don't."

Emily cut herself off at Paige's quiet plea.

"Please, Em. Just leave it." Paige held up a hand, as if to ward off anything else Emily might have to say. "I'm going to finish getting ready then get started on breakfast."

Emily gnawed at her lip, guilt settling in, as Paige turned away from her and crossed the room to her desk, which was serving as a makeshift dresser if the make-up and accessories strewn across it were any indication. She knew that she should leave, give Paige a few minutes to collect herself as she finished getting ready, but she lingered in the doorway. Her unease only growing as she noticed that Paige's movements were rough, and jerky, a far cry from the usual grace she usually possessed.

"I'm sorry," she said softly. Across the room, Paige's shoulder's stiffened, and she stilled for a moment before nodding her head and continuing to put her make up on. "You've been….amazing. And I can't even imagine how difficult this all is for you…And…I…just…" she fumbled over her words, not even entirely sure what it was she was trying to say. "Why are you even doing this?" she blurted in frustration.

Paige turned slowly to face her. "Doing what?"

"This." Emily waved her arms around, as if that was actually indicative of anything. "Taking care of me. Being so good to me." Loving me. The words formed, then stalled on her lips. "I don't get it. I mean, I don't even remember you. Why wouldn't you just cut and run? Let someone else deal with all of my problems."

"Because I love you," Paige said softly, eyes fixed firmly on Emily's. The intensity of her gaze should have made Emily uncomfortable, and maybe it did a little, but mostly, all she could feel was how true the simple statement was. "I'm not just going to give up on that because of one little bump in the road."

One little bump? Emily bit back a laugh. This was more than a little bump. This was a frigging mountain range that had erupted in front of them. Yet, despite Paige's severe understatement, Emily could practically feel the conviction in her words. Paige truly did believe that this was just some minor hurdle for them to get past.

"What if I never remember?"

She watched Paige swallow hard, as she was forced to confront the elephant in the room, but the conviction in her eyes did not falter.

"Well, then that would really suck. Because you have had an amazing life, so far. But, you're still young. There's tons of time to build new memories." She cut her gaze away for the first time, and Emily's stomach twisted uncomfortably at the loss. She watched Paige's shoulders drop, defeat filling in the lines of her body "And, even if you can never return my feelings, I want to be part of your life, Em. You mean too much to me, for me to give you up."

Emily's heart ached at seeing her suddenly so small, so uncertain. She yearned to reach out to her, to comfort her, but she didn't know if such a gesture would be welcomed at the moment.

"If all you want is a friend, I'll be the best damn friend you've ever had." Paige's eyes rose to meet hers once again, that same conviction still glittering in them, this time accompanied with a lopsided grin. Emily couldn't help but feel charmed by her words. And she had a faint inkling of what it must have felt like to fall for Paige, the first time. For the first time she wondered if maybe it weren't possible that she could return Paige's feelings.

"Tell me about us," she said softly. Paige's eyes widened, and her eyebrows shot up into her hairline.

"Us?"

"Yeah. How we met. How we got together."

"Um. Okay." Paige swallowed hard. "I uh, I think this is a conversation to be had over breakfast." She gestured Emily out of the room ahead of her, and Emily complied, making her way into the hall, and then down the stairs, with Paige trailing close behind.

When they reached the kitchen, Emily eased herself onto one of the stools at the counter, and Paige made her way over to fridge. "Bacon and eggs all right?" she asked after surveying its contents.

"Sounds good." Though her stomach was rumbling, Emily didn't really care what she ate. She was more interested in the conversation they were about to have. She leaned her elbows against the counter and watched Paige start cooking, eyes trained on her profile as she cracked eggs into the frying pan, and laid out strips of bacon.

"So, we met at swim team tryouts freshman year," Paige said, her voice slightly muffled by her position. "Which were mostly a formality, because pretty much everyone who tries out makes the team. Swimming is not such a popular sport that they can afford to be turning people away. We were the only to freshman who turned up, so we kept getting paired together for timed trials and stuff."

Emily remembered wanting to go out for the team but not the tryouts themselves. "Was it love at first sight?" she asked, vaguely remembering that Paige had told her they'd been together off and on since high school, though she couldn't remember when she'd said they'd actually started dating.

"I think for me, it was. Though, I was just a stupid kid, and I didn't really know what it meant at the time, just that I wanted to be around you. I wanted you to notice me. And I would do anything to catch your eye, or make you laugh, or smile. So, really not much has changed there." Paige gave her a lopsided grin, which Emily couldn't help but return. "You, however, were one of the most popular girls in our grade. And I was…well not. You barely even knew I was alive. You said, like ten words to me all year.'

Emily frowned, she couldn't imagine Paige not being popular and well liked. She was sweet and funny, and had this effervescence about her.

"I'm sorry."

Paige shrugged. "It's just the way things were. You were pretty. And popular. I was awkward and clumsy. I hadn't figured out my own style yet, and I had an incredibly regrettable fringe."

Emily knew how it went, how the littlest, inconsequential thing could set you apart, label you a loser or an outsider. It had been that way for Emily through her middle school years, cast apart by the color of her skin and where her parents came from. She had been looking forward to starting at Rosewood High, hoping that the larger school would offer some diversity, that she wouldn't stand out as much. Apparently it had worked better than she anticipated.

Even though she felt like she should be apologizing once again for her teenage self, Emily found herself teasing Paige instead. "I bet you remember all ten of those words too don't you?"

Paige scoffed, but Emily could see the blush rising on her cheeks.

"Paige."

She huffed. "Okay. Fine. You said; Nice job. Good race, Paige and can I borrow a pen?"

Emily didn't really know what to say to that. Which was fine, because Paige didn't seem to need a response.

"We got a little closer the summer between freshman and sophomore year. Couch Fulton ran a swimming clinic, and we started hanging out a bit after practices."

Emily was glad of that. It was so far in the past now it didn't matter, but she didn't like the idea of her being so distant with Paige.

"A couple of the seniors on the team, I guess they picked up on my crush on you, and they started giving me a hard time about it. " Paige shrugged, and tried to play it down, but Emily could tell from the timbre of her voice and the way she kept her gaze averted that it had bothered her, probably still did. "And, I guess I panicked a little. I was just starting to figure my sexuality out for myself, the last thing I wanted was something else figuring it out for me. So I pulled back. Dropped out of the clinic, and stopped taking your calls. Not that you really noticed."

"Paige-"

"It's fine, Em. At the time, we were nothing more than sort of friends from the swim team. It's not like things had gone any farther than that, at that point."

"But still…"

Paige shook her head, and Emily dropped it, despite the guilt churning uncomfortably in her stomach.

"It wouldn't have done you any good to pursue it anyway. I was too afraid of what those girls said being true. If you had tried to reach out to me, I would have just lashed out at you. I wasn't ready to face it yet."

Emily nodded, though she still didn't like it.

"I dated a couple of guys, and tried to blend in. Tried to be the girl I knew my parents wanted, but it didn't really work. By the middle of sophomore year, I was pretty miserable. Then, you came out. From where I stood, it seemed like you had it easy. You kept your friends, your popularity. The girls on the team still loved you. And there I was, terrified my dad would disown me, my family would hate me, that I'd lose the few friends I had. I was kind of a dick to you."

That didn't sound like Paige. Emily was aware that she hadn't known her very long, or at least she couldn't remember it, but she felt like she had a sense of who the other girl was.

"But, despite my behaviour, my feelings for you never went away. In fact, they kept getting stronger, and finally I reached my breaking point. I kissed you, after a meet. I don't think I meant to, but it was dark and you were sitting so close and I just...It was an ambush and totally unromantic. But, it worked. We dated for a few weeks. It didn't work out though, because I was still in the closet, and you didn't want to have to hide anymore. But, there has always been this connection between us. And, we kept finding our way back to each other. Even if only for a little while, before things fell apart again. Until, eventually, it all came together."

From the way Paige told it, she made it sound like they were inevitable. It was a little scary to think about, but Emily kind of liked the sound of it.

"So, I guess your parents took you coming out better than you expected?"

Paige scoffed. "Hardly. There was a lot of yelling. And some tears. But, my dad didn't disown me, or send me to one of those pray away the gay camps. So, yeah, that was good."

From the conversation she'd overheard (which Paige still didn't know about) it sounded to Emily like Paige and her father were pretty close. Clearly, whatever reservations he'd once had, he was over now.

"Eventually, they came around."

"That'd good. I'm glad."

It was a lame reassurance, but Emily couldn't think of what else to say.

"You and me both."

While breakfast cooked, Paige set the table. Emily watched her pouring juice and gathering utensils, and she wished that she could do something to help. But she was just barely managing to get herself around on her crutches, she doubted she could do something even as simple as carry a couple plates. Not that Paige would let her, even if she were capable. She felt bad making Paige wait on her, hand and food. Not that Paige seemed to mind. In fact, from the cheerful way she strode around the kitchen, Emily got the sense that she was actually enjoying it. And, Emily had to admit, she was enjoying watching here. There was a certain grace to the way she moved that Emily found herself unable to tear her gaze away from. Yet, every time Paige glanced over, Emily ducked her head, looking away. She wasn't sure why, but she felt uncomfortable at being caught staring.

"How did my parents take it, when I came out?" Emily asked the other burning question that had been on her mind.

"Well, I wasn't really around for that. But, from what you told me later, your dad took the news in stride and your mom…." Paige didn't need to finish her sentence, her wince did it for her.

Emily nodded, unsurprised, though she was having trouble reconciling that with the interactions between Paige and her mother over the past couple weeks.

"Clearly, she got over it."

Paige nodded.

"How did she get over it?"

Paige shrugged. "Same way you get used to anything I guess. Time. When you and I started dating, the second time, you guys were still at odds. But, it's not something you really talked about much."

"Is that when she wouldn't let you past the front porch?"

Paige chuckled, as if it were a fond memory, and nodded as she began dishing out their food. "Yeah."

"When did she finally decide to let you in?"

"She didn't, technically. Your dad did. He was home on leave, and invited me in for dinner one night. Your mom was working late. When she came home, I had already been in the house for hours, and there wasn't a whole lot she could do about it."

Emily could just imagine the scene her mother must have caused. Not in front of Paige, she was too polite for that. But once the other girl had gone, behind closed doors, she was sure that she had let her father have it. Probably Emily as well.

"I'm sorry. About my mom."

Paige shrugged. "It was a long time ago. And, it wasn't any worse than my parents. My dad called you 'that Fields girl" for the entire first year of our relationship, and my mom would only refer to you as my friend."

It all sounded so rough. As much as Emily hated having this huge gap in her life, she wondered if maybe she wasn't better off not remembering. Either way, it was a lot to take in. Though, she was glad Paige was willing to go through it all with her, especially when it was clearly drudging up some painful parts of her own past. She murmured a quiet thanks as Paige set her plate down in front of her, and from the soft smile she received, she knew Paige realized she was thanking her for more than just the food.

Silence settled between them as they ate, only it wasn't the uncomfortable, awkward silence of a few days prior. Instead it was easy, companionable. Emily didn't feel the need to fill it with chatter, nor did she feel anxious as it stretched out between them.

Once they were finished, Paige cleared the table. "I should be heading out," she said, with a glance at the stove clock, though she didn't move from her spot. Emily bit back a smile at her reluctance to leave.

"Any chance you can join us for lunch today?"

"I wish," Paige said with a sigh, and a regretful smile. "But by the time I make the drive it'll be time for me to turn around and head back."

"Oh. Right." Emily felt silly for not having thought of that. And, for feeling so disappointed by Paige's response. Though, she wasn't quite ready to give up on the idea yet. "What if we met you in the city?"

Paige looked like she was going to protest, so Emily didn't give her a chance to.

"Think about it, please? Today's going to be one of the last chances I have to get out of the house. Once my parents are gone, I'm going to be stuck here while you're at work all day. And, I'm going to go stir crazy." She gave Paige her best pleading look.

"You don't play fair, you know that." Paige said with a sigh. "Put that face away." She pointed a finger at her, trying to appear stern. But, Emily could see the beginnings of a smile tugging at her lips. "You know I can't say no to you when you look at me like that."

Emily hadn't known that, but it wasn't all that surprising.

Paige sighed again, and ran a hand through her hair. "Fine. But only if your parents agree. And, you promise to wait until your mom is here to help you get ready."

"I promise." Emily would agree to just about anything, if it would get her out of the house for a few hours and buy her some time with Paige this afternoon.

"Okay." Paige didn't exactly sound thrilled by their arrangement, but Emily knew that was just a front. She was worried about Emily's wellbeing. When lunch went off without a hitch, she'd be glad she agreed. "I really do have to get going though."

She pushed herself off the counter, and Emily trailed her out of the room and down the hallway to the front door. She handed Paige her jacket, and waited as she shrugged it on. Then passed her her briefcase.

"Remember, nothing strenuous while you're waiting for your mom."

Emily nodded. "Trash tv and magazines all the way."

"Good. Thank you for humoring me."

Paige grabbed her keys from the rack, and patted down her pockets for her wallet. "Okay. I guess I have everything. Call me later, let me know about lunch."

Emily nodded. Paige hadn't even left yet, and already Emily was looking forward to that phone call.

Paige's hand hovered on the doorknob, as her gaze flicked over to Emily, flitting over her lips for a moment before raising to meet her eye.

"See you later."

Emily couldn't help herself from glancing down at Paige's lips as well, feeling her own tingle in remembrance of their kiss.

Heart pounding loudly in her ears, she leaned forward, crossing the short distance between them to brush a soft kiss against Paige's lips. It was brief, over nearly before it began. But, it was enough to quicken her pulse, and leave her feeling breathless.

Emily pulled back with a jerk, taken aback at how much she didn't want to pull away. "Have a good day," she said softly.

"You too, Em." Paige darted forward, stealing another quick kiss before spinning around and striding out the door. It swung shut behind her with a resounding thud, and Emily leaned back heavily against it, trying to calm her racing heart.


	8. Chapter 8

Ale: I'm glad that I'm managing to hold your attention, and that the story remains interesting. More details of their past will be revealed, though the focus is going to be on their present. I'm sorry I can't update every day, I wish I could. Thank you for reading, and for leaving such a wonderful comment.

Guest: Thank you. I hope you enjoy the next chapter then. And, stuff with the girls is upcoming, so stay tuned.

Guest: Yeah, it's a start.

Guest: Thank you. Sorry for the wait.

Lauren: The slow burn is always my favorite part of the story, so I'm glad you're enjoying it. And, I'm glad you liked that part. I update as often as I can. I wish it could be more. I really do.

Guest: Yeah, definitely a little bittersweet. But, they're making progress.

Guest: Yeah, I miss McCullers too.

Guest: Hopefully the lunch scene doesn't disappoint then.

Guest: Thank you.

 **Chapter 8**

It didn't take long after Paige left for Emily to start feeling restless. There was only so many morning talk shows and celebrity magazines she could take in one sitting. She loved a good lazy Sunday or veg night as much as anyone, but that was when she was able to be active the rest of the time. She had spent the last couple weeks in a hospital bed, and she still had a few weeks of recuperating ahead of her before she would be able to start physical therapy, and hopefully get back to how she used to be, and already this hanging around the house thing was getting old, fast.

Though Emily had promised Paige that she wouldn't strain herself while she was gone, she couldn't spend any more time just sitting on the couch. She felt guilty for disobeying Paige's request as she hoisted herself into an upright position, but that didn't stop her from beginning to wander aimlessly around the house, peeking into cupboards and rummaging through closets.

She sorted her way through old board games and long-abandoned toys and more recent looking sports equipment, old winter coats and worn out baby blankets that apparently nobody had the heart to get rid of. She found report cards and art projects from her grade school days, and news clippings and race results from her time on the Rosewood swim team. A number of the items had memories attached to them, which sprang up immediately upon sight or touch. Which was a frustrating contrast to the complete lack of connection or recognition of other items. Emily shook the feeling aside, or at least tried to, as she shut door on the last closet on the main floor and headed for the stairs.

It felt a little like she was snooping, even though she was going through her own belongings, which was a strange, slightly uncomfortable sensation that Emily did her best to ignore as she opened the hall closet upstairs. She found it to be full of spare towels and extra bedsheets, and let the door fall shut with a soft thud before making her way into the study. The space was clearly Paige's, as was evidenced by the décor, the dark furnishings and grey walls were not something Emily would have ever chosen. But, Paige had said Emily was welcome in here, that she spent time in here. And as she gave the room a closer look, she saw evidence of that. Her diploma from Penn State hung on the wall opposite the one Paige's was displayed on, along with a grad portrait, and a class picture. As she moved further into the room she noticed that while most of the bookshelf was taken up by row after row of worn out looking psychology texts, one shelf was devoted to books on musculature, massage therapy and even, Emily noticed on closer inspection, a binder with her graduate thesis.

Curious about her chosen field she grabbed a couple of the books and moved to the couch, which as promised, was definitely more comfortable than it looked. Once settled, she opened the first book in the stack and flipped it open.

She expected to be if not bored, at least confused by all the clinical terminology but surprisingly enough, she wasn't. The material wasn't familiar, exactly, but it held a certain resonance and was sort of interesting. She probably could have read for longer, if not for the words starting to swim before her eyes and her muscles beginning to cramp from being held in the same position for so long.

Emily rubbed her eyes and then stood, stretching out as best she could, her eyes catching sight of a laptop on the end table beside the couch as she did so. Paige's, she knew, was still sitting in the bedroom, which meant this one must be hers. She picked it up and carried it over to the desk. She let out a soft sigh as she sank down into the ergonomic chair, feeling her muscles loosen further and relax as she settled. Hoping that the laptop wasn't password protected, she flipped it open, and grinned when it powered up and went straight to her desktop.

There were a handful of icons in neat little lines across the screen, iTunes, Kindle, NetFlix, a couple of PDF documents that, on opening were revealed to be therapy regiments, for various clients she assumed and a little envelop that signified email. She clicked it open, and scanned the contents, finding the usual mix of forwarded jokes,(mostly from Hannah) spam-ads and Nigerian prince scams. There were a handful of names she didn't recognize, and when she clicked on them she deduced they were work emails. Quick notes about schedule changes and client updates, as well as one from, she was assuming, her boss, telling Emily she had heard about the accident and that everyone at the clinic was thinking about her, and not to worry about anything her job would still be there when she was ready. Touched, but also a little thrown by the gesture from someone she didn't actually have a recollection of, Emily fumbled her way through an email thanking the woman for her concern and telling her she'd be in touch.

She knew she was in no shape to return to work. Not only was she physically incapable, she wasn't the same woman who had earned that kinesiology degree hanging on the wall. She couldn't remember any of her courses, or the material covered in the texts books she'd been reading through and was no longer qualified, but she was intrigued by the work she had been doing and wondered vaguely if there was a way to get back into it as soon as her physical injuries had healed.

After closing out her email, she opened up her Facebook, where she found her news feed full of well wishes from friends and family members, as well as a collection unfamiliar names. The sheer number of people in her life she had no recollection of was daunting, but she was too tired to tackle the task of reacquainting herself with them. Instead, she fumbled through another status update, thanking everyone for their well wishes, and letting them know she was on the mend, even if she still had a long way to go. Within moment of posting it, her status had a half dozen likes, and a few comments, but Emily ignored them for the moment and went about creeping her own page. She went through pages of memes and jokes and random conversations before scrolling through her albums, finding dozens of photos of unfamiliar times. There were pictures of her parents in what she assumed was their house in Texas, bbq's in her own backyard with Paige and the girls, vacation phots and random selfies and group shots.

Emily had thought that going through her email and Facebook would give her a sense of who she was. And, perhaps it had. But, it was also an overwhelming reminder of just how much of herself she had lost when her memory was wiped clean.

She looked so happy and relaxed in the photos, snuggling up with Paige or mugging for the camera with friends. She didn't know if she would ever be that girl again. Would she ever truly feel comfortable, and like herself knowing there was a large part of her past she couldn't access? Did not remembering the things that made her who she was today change who that person was?

The questions, and the uncertainty they brought, were starting to press in on her and she was just about to shut the computer down, when a soft chime indicated that she had a Skype request. Emily glanced down, seeing that "Ali"wanted to chat. She bit her lip, hesitating for a moment, before curiosity got the best of her and she accepted the request.

The screen flickered, and a moment later the image of a blond girl appeared. She was vaguely familiar, from some of the photos around the house, though Emily still felt a little unsettled as she looked into startlingly blue eyes and watched them light up on the screen.

"Hey, Em." Her voice was soft and sweet, almost melodic. And the smile that broke out across her lips was broad and warm. It made Emily's heart flutter and her stomach dip in a way that was both uncomfortable, and pleasant. A reaction she had only, so far, experienced when Paige looked at her. She shifted awkwardly in place and returned the greeting, her quiet "hello" much more subdued.

"The girls tell me that you don't remember…."

Emily nodded, offering up a sheepish smile. "Sorry."

"It's okay." Alison's smile turned softer, sympathetic. "But, you're okay, otherwise?"

Emily nodded. "A little banged up, but yeah. I'm okay."

Alison nodded. "I'm glad. When Spencer called, and told me you'd been in accident…"She shook her head, an unreadable expression crossing her features. "I'm sorry I couldn't be there."

"It's okay. I got your gift. It was really cute. Thank you." The stuffed animal had come home from the hospital with her, though she hadn't unpacked it from her bag yet.

Alison offered up a soft smile. "I know it's not much. But, I tried to get a flight out it's just…"

"I understand. Aria said you were in France."

"Yeah. Paris."

"Paris? Wow. I've always wanted to go there."

Emily had been enamored with the "City of Love" for as long as she could remember. Her room in middle school had been covered in post cards and magazine clippings of landmarks and tourist spots.

Alison tried to hide it behind her hand, but Emily could tell she had giggled. "You did."

"I did?"

"Yeah. You came to visit me two, no three years ago." Alison gave her a teasing smile. "Of all the things you've forgotten, I think that might be the most tragic."

Emily grinned back. She knew Alison's words were a joke, but she couldn't help but think it might be just a little bit true. How horrible it was to have taken her dream vacation, and not be able to remember it.

"Although, you're more than welcome to come visit again. My place is kind of tiny but we managed once, I'm sure we could manage again." Alison's tone was light, her grin teasing. But, there was something suggestive about it that had Emily shivering, and shifting in place to hide the reaction.

"As tempting as that sounds…" And it did sound tempting. She couldn't help but think how easy it would be to just pick up and whisk herself away somewhere new and exotic, her past and the things she couldn't remember no longer relevant as she could reinvent herself however she wanted. "Things are still kind of…unsettled here. And Paige…"

She couldn't do that to Paige. As tumultuous as Emily's feelings about her and their relationship and their apparent life together were, she couldn't just up and abandon her in the midst of figuring it all out.

"I'm sure Paige wouldn't mind." Alison said with a dismissive wave that had Emily frowning lightly. "She loves Pairs."

"She does?"

Alison chuckled. "You practically had to drag her onto the plane home, otherwise I would have ended up with a roommate."

Emily struggled to process Alison's words. "Wait, Paige and I came out to visit you? We stayed with you?"

Alison nodded. "Yeah. It was an anniversary present from her parents, or something like that. You guys spent a couple weeks touring the country, spent a few days with me before you headed home."

Well, that was unexpected. Considering what Aria had said in the hospital and Emily's initial reaction to seeing Alison on screen…she was under the impression that their relationship had panned out quite differently.

She tried not to dwell on it as the two of them chatted. She found that conversation between them flowed easily, Alison talked about her travels and the different things she'd experienced abroad. Emily shared a bit about her recovery and her frustrations. They talked about the girls, and Emily listened intently as Alison shared memories of moments they'd shared.

The conversation was light, pleasant, but Emily wasn't fully engaged. Her gaze kept roving over Alison's face, studying the way her eyes twinkled and shone, lighting up when she laughed, and crinkled when she smiled. She watched the way her lips formed words, unable to block out thoughts of how soft and smooth they must feel.

She tried to keep the thoughts at bay, but Aria's comment about her having a crush on Alison and her own preoccupation made it hard.

"Em, you all right?"

She jumped at the sound of Alison's voice and shook her head, trying to clear it.

"Yeah. Fine." She offered up what she knew must have appeared as a very strained smile.

"No you're not." Alison's voice dropped into a low, coaxing tone. "What's going on?"

"It's nothing."

"C'mon. Talk to me."

There was something about the gentle command that made Emily want to obey.

"It's just…This is probably going to sound dumb but …did something happen between us?"

Alison's eyes grew wide, obviously taken aback by the question. "Where is this coming from?"

"Is there a reason you're avoiding my question?" Emily countered with.

Alison's eyes grew even wider, her brows inching up towards her hairline. It would have been comical, if Emily weren't stressing over the possible answer.

"We kissed, a few times," Alison admitted.

Emily wasn't if she was relieved, or even more keyed up now that she had her answer.

"It was innocent kid stuff. When we were both trying to figure things out. It was never any more than that. We figured out pretty quick that our feelings for each other didn't go beyond friendship."

Sighing, she raked a hand through her hair, trying to get a handle on her thoughts, which were such a jumbled mess right now. There was Alison, and the supposed crush she'd had on her. And, how they'd apparently tried it on. Then there was Paige, who she was supposedly in love with. If she were being honest, it wasn't that much of a stretch to imagine. Though she was far from being there herself.

She couldn't decide if she was better or worse off now, knowing the truth.

"Em, you love Paige. Hell, I love Paige. You guys have been together for a long time. Even if that weren't true, it wouldn't change anything. You're one of my best friends. And, I love you. But, that's as far as it goes. As far as it ever went."

Emily nodded, comforted by the words, but not entirely placated. Her brain was buzzing. It was all too much to take in.

"I've said too much," Alison said sadly, a frown marring her features.

Emily shook her head, automatically relieving her of any of the blame. "No. No you said just enough."

"Em-"

"Its okay, Alison. Really. Its just a lot to take in."

Alison nodded. "Should I let you go?" she asked softly.

Emily offered her a thankful smile. She didn't want to be rude, but the conversation, and the things it had revealed, had proven to be a little much for her. She needed some time to process.

"I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize for. If anyone should be sorry it's-"

"Let's not do that," Emily interrupted, having no interest in going back and forth with the blame game, each of them trying to shoulder the responsibility of what had transpired between them in the past, and how it left them feeling now. "I…I needed to know. And, I'm glad that I do, now. I just…"

Alison nodded her understanding.

"We'll talk again soon," Emily promised, the words bringing a small, fleeting smile to Alison's lips.

"Take care, Em. Give Paige my best."

"Really?" Emily couldn't help but be surprised by her words.

Alison cocked her head slightly to the side and regarded Emily. "I don't know what all you've told Paige about our history, but she knows we're friends. She knows we talk regularly. You don't have to hide the fact that I called today."

Emily nodded, trying to take the words on board but not quite succeeding in doing so. When things were normal, Paige was okay with her and Ali's friendship. But, would she be with things all messed up? With Emily essentially being back in the same head space she was all those years ago when she and Alison kissed while they were "trying to figure things out."

"I mean it, Em."

Again, she nodded, though Emily still wasn't sure if she believed Alison.

As if sensing this, Alison let out a soft sigh but she didn't push. She offered a soft goodbye, and then signed off, her image shimmering, then disappearing, Emily's computer screen left blank in its absence. She sat staring at it for a long while.

This was where her mother found her sometime later. Emily once again startled by her mother's sudden appearance, and blushing at being caught out.

"Em, sweetie. Everything okay?"

She spun her chair around slowly, wondering how long her mother had been standing there, watching her stare at a blank screen.

"Yeah. Mom. Fine." Emily hoped that her mom couldn't see the color rising on her cheeks. "Sorry. I didn't hear you come in."

"It's fine." She waved Emily off with. "What are you doing up here, that's got you so distracted?"

"Nothing." Her answer came a little too quickly, though she hoped her mom didn't notice. "I was just talking to Alison," she added, watching her face carefully for any sign of a reaction.

But her mom merely smiled and nodded. "That's nice. I'm glad that you're reconnecting with the girls."

Emily nodded, feeling a niggling guilt that so far it had only been Alison she'd spoken with. Although, to be fair, Alison was the one who had reached out to her.

"Anyway," she said, changing the subject so she wouldn't have to dwell on it any further, and launching into her arguments for going out to lunch, instead of staying in. It took some convincing, but a few minutes later Pam was heading downstairs to tell Wayne about the change in plans, and Emily was reaching for the cell phone that Paige had once again left her, using it to call Paige and tell her they would meet her in the city. To her disappointment, the call went to voicemail instead of being answered. It was pointless, to be upset over not getting to speak to Paige now, when she would be seeing her shortly but Emily couldn't help what she was feeling. She left a message, and hung up, holding onto the phone for a long moment after, hoping Paige would get the message and call back. But the phone remained silent in her hand. To further stall for time she scrawled through Paige's contacts, finding the numbers for Aria, Hannah and Spencer, and sending them a text, suggesting that they get together in the coming days. She ignored the niggling guilt at her less than pure motivations, knowing that, by all accounts of their friendship, the girls would be hurt to learn that her reasons for doing so had less to do with a desire to see them than it did with the knowledge that a get together would give her an excuse to get out of the house for awhile, and would hopefully assuage the discomfit lingering after Alison's phone call. When she had still not gotten any response from Paige by the time she'd finished texting she pocketed the cell phone and headed downstairs so her mom could help her get ready.

The drive into the city wasn't long, though Emily's nerves made it seem that way. Having no memory of the accident, Emily had not expected that being in a car again, on the highway, would affect her. But, as soon as her dad merged from the exit ramp into the swiftly moving traffic, tension had set in. Her heart rate picked up, and cold sweat broke out across her skin. She kept her gaze averted from the windows, staring at the back of her father's headrest, but still flinched whenever a car or truck passed too close, or too quickly.

It was a relief when they finally reached the city, the surface street traffic still anxiety inducing, but not nearly as nerve wracking. She was distracted from her discomfort however, by the faint vibration of the cell phone tucked carefully into her jacket pocket. Anticipation jolted through her and she fumbled to retrieve the device, almost dropping it to the floor in her haste, but managing to catch it at the last possible moment. She swiped her thumb across the screen, set to accept the call from Paige, eager to hear her voice in her ear, even if they were only a few minutes out from seeing each other again, only to be disappointed to realize it wasn't a call but a text message.

"It's Paige," she announced to her parents, reading the brief text, feeling let down by impersonal tone. No greeting, no pleasantries, just a question. Where are we eating? "She wants to know where we're having lunch."

Her parents conferred quietly for a moment before her mom suggested a restaurant, the name meaning nothing to Emily. Dutifully she texted the reply to Paige, receiving a simple OK in reply a moment later.

Apparently the restaurant was close by, because a few minutes later Wayne was pulling up in front of a squat, brick and glass building on the corner. It was a popular joint, if the full patio and the line of cars waiting for a place at the valet was any indication. She watched with interest as waitresses bustled around, both outside and on the large, canopy covered patio, and inside through the large plate glass windows. One of them passed by near enough the car for Emily to catch a glimpse of crisp green salads and ribs slathered in deep red bbq sauce, and despite the churning knot of tension in her stomach from the car ride, it rumbled.

She jumped at her car door opening, and glanced up to find her father smirking down at her, hand outstretched to help her from the car. Rolling her eyes at him, she let him guide her to her feet, then accepted her crutches from her mother, who had circled around the back of the car to join the. She appreciated that they waited, trying not to hover, as she steadied herself, and then led the way inside.

Emily wanted to glance around, get a real sense at the place, but any time her attention drifted away from the act of propelling herself forward she faltered. And with this many people bustling about, she needed all the concentration she had. Luckily, they didn't have to travel far to their table. Within moments, the hostess was ushering them into their seats. Any desire to look around disappeared when Emily caught sight of Paige standing upon their arrival.

The first thing she noticed was that Paige looked good, in her work clothes. Emily had seen her that morning, before she left, but that didn't diminish the impact it had on her now, seeing Paige in her tailored dress pants and her neatly fitted top. Especially when she was grinning widely at them, hugging first Pam, brushing a kiss to her cheek, then Wayne, and finally, Emily herself. She shivered at the feel of Paige's lips ghosting against her cheek, and frowned faintly when Paige pulled away, the brief greeting over far too quickly for her liking.

Paige didn't go far, however, she remained close at Emily's side, one hand resting lightly on the small of her back as she pulled Emily's chair out for her, waiting while she settled in, her hand slipping up Emily's back to rest on her shoulder for a moment, before she gathered up Emily's crutches and propped them against the partition behind the table before taking a seat of her own. As soon as Paige's hand left her shoulder, Emily missed its warmth, a disconcerting feeling that she tried to shake off as she accepted the menu her mother passed her.

"I'm happy you could make it," Pam said, smiling warmly at Paige, who grinned back. Emily watched the interaction the way she had been watching all of her parent's interactions with Paige lately, though the surreal quality of it was fading quickly.

"I'm happy I could make it too," she said as she reached for her own menu and flipped it open. "Oh, and hey, I'm sorry about not taking your call earlier," she said, turning to Emily and offering up an apologetic smile. "I was just going into a meeting, and then my day kind of got away from me."

"It's fine. No problem," Emily hastened to assure her. Because, really it wasn't a big deal. Emily had known it was foolish to be disappointed. But she was thankful for the apology anyway.

"On a better note, my boss said I can work from home this afternoon. I'll have to spend some time finishing up some paperwork, but when we leave here, I'm all yours."

"That's awesome," Emily's response was unfiltered, as was the broad smile creeping across her face.

"Yeah." Paige smiled back, something in her gaze not allowing Emily to look away.

The moment was broken by Wayne, absently mulling over what to eat, which prompted a debate between him and Paige over the roast vs the ribs. It all sounded good to Emily, who was so hungry she wasn't sure she could decide. She made the mistake of saying as much, and Wayne and Paige spent the next ten minutes each trying to get her onto their side.

By the time their waiter came to take their orders, she had barely even looked at her menu, aside from her initial once over. Rather than holding things up, she simply seconded Paige's order, much to Paige's delight, and her father's disapproval. She rolled her eyes, and exchanged a smirk with Paige as he booed, and grumbled, until Pam rubbed his shoulders and whispered soothingly into his ear.

They were so sweet together, even after all these years. Emily hoped that she'd have that one day. At the thought she glanced over at Paige, to find her gazing at the parents with a soft, fond smile on her lips. As if sensing Emily's eyes on her, she glanced over, the fond smile only growing wider. And Emily just knew that Paige was thinking, hoping, that it would be them someday, sitting at lunch with their kids, who were watching them and marveling what they had.

For a brief moment, panic seized her. Her heart stuttered painfully in her chest and her lungs constricted. Then the moment passed and she relaxed back into her seat, wondering if really that was such a bad thing. Was it so horrible to think of spending her life with Paige? With someone who so obviously loved and cared for her?

 _No_ , a little voice in the back of her answered. No, she acknowledged, glancing over at Paige once again, and catching her glancing back.

While she believed that. It was still something she couldn't wrap her mind around. She definitely wasn't ready to think about spending the rest of her life with anybody. Not even Page. Even if she had, apparently, already made that choice once, it wasn't one she was ready to make again. Not when she couldn't even remember her first kiss, or her first date or…or her first time...Her mind stuttered over the thought, as it occurred to her that Paige might have been her first. And even if she wasn't, it could have been some other girl. Paige hadn't mentioned anything about Emily having past boyfriends. It didn't sound like the Ben thing advanced very far.

"Hey, you okay?"

Paige leaned in so close to whisper that her breath tickled Emily's ear, making her twitch, and shiver. She resisted the urge to rub at the spot as she nodded.

"Yeah, fine," she said, turning towards Paige as she spoke, unable to stop her gaze from shooting down to Paige's lips, so close to her own in this new position. A few inches to the right and a small tilt of her head and….She cleared her throat and glanced back across the table, to where her parents were still talking quietly. "It's just…"

Paige turned her head, following her gaze. "Yeah," she agreed softly, a sad note to her tone. In a jerky motion she pulled her arm from where she had draped it along the back of Emily's chair and straightened up, posture ramrod straight as she reached for her water glass and took a long pull, eyes anywhere but on Emily.

Frowning, confused as to what had just happened, Emily faced forward as well, reaching for her own water glass, and glancing towards her father when she realized he was speaking to her.

"Sorry, what?" she leaned forward, giving him as close to her full attention as she could, when she could feel Paige shifting uncomfortably in her seat as she struck up a conversation with Pam.

The meal passed pleasantly. The food, when it arrived, was delicious, and the conversation flowed easily, with lots of lighthearted moments, and so much laughter that Emily's incision sight was beginning to hurt.

Wayne kept them entertained with stories about things that had happened on the base, and Paige talked so passionately about the kids she worked with. It was breathtaking to witness, the way she so reverently spoke about them, the accomplishments they'd made, and how deeply she felt the struggles they faced. Paige also, Emily wasn't really surprised to learn, was a volunteer soccer coach two days a week. It did surprise Emily to learn that she helped out as well. But she was touched to learn that the kids had been asking after her, and sent a long a card, which they'd made herself, that Paige promised to give her once they got home.

They talked about Pam and Wayne's plans, once they went back to Texas, and Paige's parent's upcoming trip to California to visit Nick's alma mater. Paige and Pam discussed recipes, and Paige and Wayne mulled over the idea of repairing the deck out back before he and Pam headed back to Texas.

Whatever it was that had been bothering Paige at the start of dinner slipped away, not a trace of the earlier tension remaining by the time they were scraping the desserts of their plate and sipping the last of their coffees. She sat, with a relaxed, slight slump in her chair, her arm once again draped across the back of Emily's seat, her fingers idly stroking the back of Emily's neck. The gesture likely unconscious, not that Emily was going to call her on it. The motion sent shivers skating up and down her spine, but it wasn't exactly an unpleasant feeling.

All in all, it was a pretty perfect day. And, Emily was torn between disappointment that it was ending, and anticipation at being able to spend the rest of the day alone with Paige. As much as she was enjoying her parents company, and hated to part with them, especially when their time here in Pennsylvania was so short, she couldn't help but look forward to the hours with Paige stretching out before her.

She took comfort in the plans that they made for the weekend, her parents last one before they headed back to Texas, happy to have at least a bit more time with them. Even though she knew when they left she would be devastated. Especially since both of them were leaving this time. She had gotten accustomed to her father leaving, as hard as it was to say goodbye to him each time. But, her mother had always been with her each time he left. Now, she would only have Paige.

Which, was pretty good as far as consolation prizes went. As it was, she hugged her parents hard as they said goodbye, feeling the sting of tears knowing this would be one of the last times she got to do so for awhile, but not actually crying. She waved to them as they climbed into their rental car as she waited with Paige, who smiled sympathetically at her, her own eyes looking a little damp, as she gave Emily's shoulder a squeeze just as the valet brought her car and she ushered Emily into it.

 **Author's Note:** For anyone who is worried, this chapter is not going to be the start of an Emison vs. Paily story. It's Paily all the way. The inclusion of Alison serves the larger story, of Emily accepting her sexuality, but it has no bearing on her relationship with Paige.


	9. Chapter 9

Nyxxyn I'm glad I could ease your mind. I find Alison fascinating, and wanted to include her in the story, but I knew people would get worried when she showed up even though the last thing I want is to derail Paily. Thank you for reading, and for commenting. I'm glad you're enjoying the story, and I hope you continue to.

Guest Yeah, it's rough. But, they're making progress.

Guest Thank you.

Ale I'm glad that you weren't worried. So, I went in a slightly different direction with Paige's reaction to finding out Emily and Alison talked, hopefully you'll still enjoy it. Thank you for reading, and for you review. And, I'll update as soon as I can. I wish I could do it more frequently. I'd put up a new chapter every day if I could. Also, I've read hints she might be coming back. I really hope she does.

Guest: I didn't want anyone to get worried. Alison served her purpose, and she might appear again, but she's not a threat to Paily. Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy the next chapter.

Sulven Thank you. I'm glad you're enjoying it. I wish I could update once a week. (Hell, I wish I could update every day.) I'll do my best to get chapters up as quickly as possible.

Guest: This next chapter includes Paige's reaction. I hope that you like it, because it's not quite what you predicted. The slowburn is my favorite part to write, so no worries there. Thank you, for reading and for your review.

 **Chapter 9**

"Lunch was a good idea," Paige once they had settled into her car and were heading into the restaurant. "I'm glad you suggested it." She glanced over, catching Emily's eye and offering up a wide, sweet smile. One that made Emily's stomach flutter and a warmth to course through her.

"I'm just happy you could make it," Emily said, returning the smile. Paige's gaze returned to the road, but her smile lingered, as did the warm, fuzzy feeling in Emily's chest. Instead of watching the road, the passing of the other cars still making her nervous, Emily turned her head to watch Paige, studying her as she drove. She looked comfortable, confident behind the wheel, limbs loose, her hands gripping it carefully, but lightly, her fingers tapping an unnamed tune against whenever they stopped at a red light. She was a cautious driver, slowing to a stop at stop signs instead of just rolling through, glancing at the intersections rather than just gunning through them, even if the light was green. Emily felt almost at ease, riding in the car with her. The lingering discomfort almost making her feel guilty, even though it had nothing to do with Paige's skills as a driver.

She studied Paige's features, taking in the way she furrowed her brow and pursed her lips when she took a turn, her appraisal slowly drifting away from watching Paige's reactions as she drove to simply watching Paige.

She was really quite pretty, Emily allowed herself the observation. Objectively, of course, she amended. Her skin was a smooth and unmarred except for a faint scar above her eyebrow. Emily made a mental note to ask her about it later. Her eyes were a deep brown, the color of rich hot cocoa, and were just as warm and soothing. Her lips were full and pink, looked soft. Were soft, Emily acknowledged, a blush heating her cheeks. Loose tendrils of hair framed her face, and before Emily knew what she was doing, she had reached out and tucked them behind her ear. Paige glanced over at the contact, smiling softly. Emily ducked her head, blushing, and unable to make eye contact. She felt Paige's gaze on her for a long moment, though Paige didn't say anything. When she sensed Paige's eyes had returned to the road, she resumed her study.

As if sensing Emily's eyes on her, a blush darkened Paige's cheek and she dipped her head slightly, though she said nothing. Thankfully not calling Emily out on it, as she kept her eyes on the road. Emily smiled to herself, taking it as permission to continue her perusal.

It took a while but Emily realized that they weren't on the highway back to Rosewood. Instead of the pervasive whine of a bunch of cars on the road and trucks whizzing past them, shaking the vehicle, Emily heard only the faint hum of their tires against the blacktop and the low rumble of the engine. She peeled her gaze away from Paige and glanced out the window, confused, because they should have been out of the city by now.

"I thought it might be nice to take the scenic route," Paige's voice interrupted her survey of the unfamiliar landscape around her. The spread of the buildings and the significantly less busy streets indicating they were on the outskirts of the city, on one of the service roads. "It'll take a bit longer to get home, but there's not as much traffic as there is on the highway. And with what you said about being cooped up all day, I thought you might prefer it."

Without Emily saying anything, Paige had been able to intuit she would be uncomfortable taking the highway, and instead of making a thing out of it, she'd simply found a workaround.

Emily nodded, moved, and speechless not just at the gesture, which was incredibly thoughtful, but also at the simple, matter of fact way in which Paige approached it. Not trusting her voice, she reached over to squeeze Paige's knee. The contact of her hand with Paige's body, even with a layer of clothing between them, sent a tingling warmth up her arm. Before she could pull away, Paige had reached down and laid a hand over Emily's. Without thinking about what she was doing, Emily turned her hand, and laced their fingers together. Only once she had done so did she look up at Paige, seeking her approval. Paige was staring down at their joined hands, an unreadable expression on her face. Just when Emily thought she was going to pull away, Paige squeezed lightly, and returned her attention to the road.

With hardly any traffic around them, only the occasional car going past on the other side of the guardrail, Emily was able to relax, and enjoy the drive.

"Tell me about your day," she requested softly, remembering that Paige had hinted at a slightly hectic morning. Though, it was more than that, really. She was curious about the details of Paige's job. Maybe it was the glimpse into her own life this morning, but Emily wanted to know more about who Paige was, when she wasn't tending to Emily.

"You really want me to bore you with all that?"

"I won't be bored."

Paige's expression was skeptical, so Emily gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "Promise."

"If you do get bored, let me know?"

"I won't, but okay."

Paige still looked dubious, but she began to fill Emily in on the details of her day. Emily sat back in her seat and listened. She listened to the words Paige was saying, but more than that, she listened to the cadence in her voice, the way it rose in pitch and sped up when she was excited about something, like an achievement one of "her kids" had made, and how it lowered when she was frustrated. It was clear that, despite the sometimes irritating bureaucracy she dealt with, and the fact that she was still low man on the totem pole that she loved her job. So because of that, Emily loved listening to her talk about.

"What did you do today?" Paige asked, once she had covered her morning, up until she left to meet Emily and her parents for lunch.

"Snooped around the house, mostly," she admitted with a faint laugh. It really was a strange sensation, to pry through your own belongings. "Nothing strenuous, I promise," she added, noting Paige's brow furrow and her lips turn down in a frown. "I rifled through a bunch of the closets-"

Paige groaned lowly. "They're such a mess. I'm sorry. I've been meaning to clean them out for a while."

"They're closets. They're supposed to be a mess."

Paige snorted.

"What?"

"We don't fight often, but one of the things we bicker about is clutter. You're always on me about cleaning up the garage, the closets, the basement."

That didn't sound like Emily. Her mom was always telling her to pick up her room, especially her closet. Which she often said looked like a clothes bomb had gone off in.

"Oh my God, I turned into my mother."

"There are worse people to be."

Her words might have been more comforting had they not been uttered through laughter.

Emily rolled her eyes. "Are you done?"

"Yeah. Yeah. Sorry." But, Paige was still giggling.

Huffing, Emily shook her head, though she wasn't truly annoyed.

"Did you find anything interesting?"

Emily shrugged. "Just, stuff, you know? I read through some of my old text books, up in your office." She glanced over, studying Paige's reaction to see how she really felt about Emily spending time in there, but Paige merely nodded, her gaze flicking over briefly before returning to the road.

"What'd you think?"

"Kind of interesting. I can see why I chose to go into that. And, um, I went online, checked my email, my Facebook, all that."

"How was that?" Paige asked, the grip on her hand tightening faintly.

"Weird. I had messages from my boss, and a bunch of people I don't know. Except, I do know them. I just don't know that I know them." It sounded ridiculous to her own ears, she could only imagine how it sounded to Paige.

But all Paige did was squeeze her hand again, humming faintly in sympathy.

"And…uh…Alison called," she added after a moment of indecision. "We talked on Skype for a while."

She studied Paige's face carefully for a reaction, trying to watch her eyes, her brows and her lips simultaneously for even the smallest twitch or downturn but Paige actually smiled faintly, and nodded.

"Yeah? Did you guys have a nice chat?" She glanced over, then back to the road, nothing in her words, or her expression to indicate this was upsetting news to her.

"I guess." Emily shrugged. Her conversation with Alison had left her unsettled, and that feeling hadn't really gone away, it had only been pushed aside in favor of other distractions.

"What is it?" Paige was frowning now, though Emily sensed it had less to do with Emily's conversation with Alison as it did with the abrupt shift in her mood.

"Nothing."

"Em…"

"No, really. It's nothing…specific at least. It's just, this is all so…"

"It'll get easier. The doctors said that there would be an adjustment period."

"Yeah. I know." And, as tough as it had been these past few weeks, being home for the last couple days had left Emily feeling a little more like herself. There was still a lot of stuff going on in her head, a lot of things left feeling unsettled and strange, but she didn't feel as much like a stranger in her own body, in her own mind anymore.

"It's more than just that," Paige said softly. Emily wondered if she would ever cease to be amazed at how easily Paige could read her.

"Yeah," she admitted. "It's just, Alison said some stuff…"

"About your history?"

Emily's eyes widened.

Paige chuckled lightly, and then shook her head, offering up an apology.

"I didn't know you knew about that."

"On our first date, you told me that once had feelings for her. But, that it was all in the past."

"And that never bothered you?"

"It did. For a while. Especially when we first got together, I was still so insecure and convinced that you would one day realize you could do so much better."

"But, that was a long time ago. I'm not that scared, confused little girl anymore. And, you've never given me any reason to doubt you were telling me the truth. That whatever happened between you two was well and done with."

"You mean you don't know?"

Paige shook her head. "I didn't want to know. At the time, I thought having the details would drive me insane. Though, whatever happened couldn't have been worse than what I imagined," she added with a wry smile. "I probably should have just asked. After awhile, it didn't matter anymore. You were with me, and Ali was dating other people."

"What about…" Emily trailed off, uncertain as to whether or not she actually wanted an answer, then with a deep breath forged on. "Were there other girls?"

Paige bit her lip, hesitating, and Emily's heart sunk, wondering what that might mean.

"Are you okay, talking about all this?" Paige asked.

Emily nodded, even though she wasn't a hundred percent sure that was true. As much as she wanted to know who she was, the details about her past, at least this aspect of it, were becoming increasingly difficult to take in.

It was hard enough accepting that she was with Paige, and that was with the way being around the other girl made her feel. It was even worse to come to terms with the fact that she had dated other girls. She had hugged them and kissed them…and possibly more. The notion made her shiver, but not in an entirely unpleasant way. She thought of the intensity she felt, when Paige's lips brushed hers, and for a split second she envisioned that feeling across her entire body.

"There were two other girls, in high school. Maya St. Germaine, and Samara Cook. Again, I don't know the details. I didn't want to know. I'm sure the girls could fill you in," she added. "You probably confided in them."

Considering what Aria had said, about not knowing anything had gone on with Emily and Alison, she wasn't so sure.

"And, I think you might have dated some when we were apart, in college. Like I said, the girls can probably give you more information on that than I can."

Emily nodded, though she was somewhat confused how Paige could not want to know. Wasn't she curious about what Emily had been up to, when they weren't together?

"I know it probably sounds weird, but I really did think I was better off, not knowing. The times when we were apart…they were not happy times for me. I didn't want to be thinking about you with other girls, knowing what you'd done with them, wondering how I compared…"

"Okay." Emily squeezed her hand soothingly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring it up."

"No, it's okay. I'm okay now. We probably should have talked about all this sooner, but like I said, at the time I wasn't ready, and then after some time had passed, it didn't matter anymore."

Emily nodded. That sounded fair enough. She wondered if it was the same for her, was she better off not knowing? Having the details wouldn't change the fact that she didn't actually remember. Not only that, she wasn't sure she was ready to handle the actual details. Not yet, at least.

She supposed, if she decided she did want to know, she could ask one of the girls, maybe she had been more forthcoming with them about her other relationships than she had been about her and Alison.

"What about you?" she asked, starting to feel a little twitchy with the direction of the conversation, and wanting to get the focus off her. "Did you date many other girls?"

Paige shook her head. "I went out with a few, in the times we were apart. But, there was only one girl that I went out with more than once. Once girl you could say I actually dated." She glanced over, as gauging how Emily was responding to the news. Meanwhile, Emily was fighting to keep her expression neutral, uncertain as to what the uncomfortable tightening in her chest meant. Was it that Paige had dated so little, while Emily had apparently gone through her fair share of women? Or was it the thought of Paige, sweet, wonderful, endearing Paige looking at someone else the way she looked at Emily?

"Shana Fring. For a few weeks the summer between junior and senior year."

"That's it, only one other girlfriend?" she asked, deciding that the feeling was akin to astonishment that Paige hadn't dated much. Someone like her, shouldn't she have been beating girls away with a stick?

Paige shrugged, and dipped her head, eyes fixed firmly on the road.

"What happened? Why'd you break up?"

"She wasn't you," Paige whispered, so softly that Emily almost didn't hear her. "I was pretty hung up on you, Em. Before we got together, all the times we were apart. Shana, the other few girls I went out with, they were just substitutes."

"Oh." Emily didn't know what to say to that.

"I'm sorry. That was too much for you, wasn't it? I freaked you out."

Emily shook her head, even if she wasn't sure whether or not that was true. It did freak her out a little, to hear Paige talk about her feelings like that. Or at least, she felt like it should.

"Yes. I did. I'm sorry, Em. I know this is a lot for you. I didn't…I'm not…" Paige let out a sigh of frustration, one that had Emily squeezing her hand in sympathy and wishing that she could do more, say more, to make this situation less awkward, less painful. "

"I don't mean to come on so strong. It's just…you're the love of my life, you know? Except, you don't know. Because you can't remember. But, I can't just turn it off."

She sounded so forlorn. It tugged at Emily's heart strings.

"I'm sorry."

"What? No. Don't apologize. Don't ever apologize. What happened to you, the accident…It wasn't your fault. It sucks, that it happened. That things are like this-"

"You mean that I'm like this."

"No. Not that. Never that. It's just….a hard situation all around."

"Yeah."

Neither one of them seemed to know what to say, in the wake of that. And a tense, uncomfortable silence, much like the ones from a couple of weeks ago when Emily first woke up in the hospital, settled over them. So much had changed in a short period of time. Emily had gone from resenting Paige's presence to seeking her out, to finding comfort in it. She didn't want to revert to where they'd started, but she didn't know how to push past this moment.

They drove on, the only sounds in the car the faint hum of the tires and the rumble of the engine until eventually Paige reached forward and flicked on the radio. Soft music filled the car, masking but not entirely dissipating the awkwardness. Emily took some solace in the fact that, Paige did not let go of her hand.

Soon familiar landmarks started to emerge as they approached Rosewood, and Emily felt some relief that the uncomfortable journey was about to end. Not that being alone in the house in silence and sadness would be any better, but at least it would give them an illusion of space, and possibly a distraction.

As they approached the exit, Paige glanced over at her, biting her lip in hesitation before apparently deciding to ask her question. "How are you feeling?"

"What?"

"How are you feeling? After dinner, being out of the house for awhile, are you exhausted or are you up for a detour, before heading home?"

"A detour?" Emily perked up a little at the thought. "What kind of detour?"

"Just…a special spot."

Emily nodded immediately, eager to do anything that might bridge the gap that had started to develop between them. "Show me."

Paige bobbed her head, a grin tugging at her lips. "We don't have to stay long. If you get tired, or whatever just let me know."

And suddenly, the air between them was clear. All traces of the earlier tension gone as Paige expertly guided the car onto the next exit, humming softly along with the radio as she skirted the downtown core and took side streets, her destination quickly becoming clear.

Emily didn't say anything, not wanting to ruin what Paige clearly thought was a surprise. Apparently in her excitement, she had failed to realize that while Emily might not remember things, her knowledge of the town and it's landmarks had not changed.

Soon the car was crunching along a gravel access road leading into the camp grounds and hiking trails that crisscrossed the north end of town. It was a popular spot for locals and tourists alike, especially in the summer months. Now that it had grown cooler, all but the hardiest of campers had packed up and only the occasional hiker traversed the trails.

Emily had spent a lot of time here when she was a kid, especially when her father was home from deployment. They would picnic in the park at the base of the trails, or hike some of the easier paths. As she got older, they camped out in the woods and hiked the more advanced routes.

The last time she remembered being here was mid-July, just before her father left again. They'd spent the day hiking, as a family. It felt like only a couple months ago, when really it had been years.

She wondered how often she had come, in the interim. And, just what kind of "special spot" this place was, to her and Paige. The nature, the seclusion, it was reminiscent of a make out spot. Or at least how the movies portrayed them. She had no memory of actually visiting one herself. She wondered if this place had a cheesy nickname, like lover's lane or make out alley.

Paige guided the car to a stop at the end of the road, and Emily glanced around, realizing they had driven to the top of one of the bluffs that overlooked the town. Spread out before them was the whole of Rosewood, and beyond.

Emily had been up here a dozen times, or more. Probably everyone in town had. And, she wondered why this place was so special to Paige. To them.

"We had our second date over there." Paige made a vague gesture to her left, towards the grassy knoll. "A picnic. We ate until we'd stuffed ourselves and they lay on a blanket and listened to music and talked about everything. And nothing. It took me probably half an hour to work up the courage to hold your hand. My hand was probably all sweaty and gross, but you held it anyway. And, you laughed at my jokes and smiled at my stories and asked me questions and challenge my viewpoints."

Paige smiled softly, wistfully, as she recounted the details, and Emily couldn't help but feel a hint of it too. Not so much at the memory itself, but a longing to experience it for herself.

"It sounds sweet. And lovely."

"It was sweet. And lovely. It was also a huge sham. Our first date wasn't a secluded picnic because I thought it was romantic, it was because I was still in the closet and terrified that if people saw us together, in public, they would draw a conclusion I wasn't ready to face. You were already out by then. And, so much braver than I ever was."

Emily held back a frown, hoping that Paige wasn't seriously planning on giving her a speech on being brave, and not caring what people think.

"You told me that you wouldn't hide who you were. That doing so would make you feel ashamed. You were tired of feeling like that. And, if we couldn't be together in public, we couldn't be together."

"Sounds harsh."

"Maybe. It definitely hurt at the time. But, you were right. I couldn't see it at the time, I was too busy being devastated and self-loathing, but you were right. Hiding who you are, denying your truest self, it's damaging. And it would have torn us apart."

Emily felt a flash of anger. What Paige had apparently gone through and what Emily was experiencing now were entirely different. It was one thing to slowly discover who you were, and maybe have some doubts along the way. But Emily had woken up into a life she had no recollection of, and a bunch of people she barely knew telling her who she was. It wasn't the same situation at all.

"And, I know it's not exactly the same as what you're going through," Paige said, before Emily had a chance to say anything. "But, I just want you to know that I get it. At least a little bit. I know it can't be easy, trying to live up to this idea we all have of you."

Oh. Well, that wasn't what Emily was expecting. She deflated at Paige's words, sagging into her seat with a sigh, the fight seeping out of her.

"And I just…I used to come here a lot, after that day. And I'd lay on the grass and chastise myself for being cowardly and stupid, for letting you go like that."

"Paige-"

"But, slowly I came to realize that I wasn't ready yet, and that was okay. Because, one day, I would be ready. I would be able to walk down the street holding your hand. Well, I hoped it would be your hand. But I knew there was a very real possibility that I'd missed my chance with you. That you'd find someone and move on without me."

"Paige." Emily's felt the sting of tears at the picture Paige painted of a broken young girl, and she wished that she could do something to ease that ache.

When Paige had said this was a special spot, Emily had assumed it held precious memories, for her, or for them. But now she couldn't understand why Paige had brought her here, when clearly this was a painful place for her to be.

"And I spent a lot of time here, trying to accept that. I guess it's a little silly, but this place means a lot to me. I feel like I grew up here, Grew into myself here, and… I guess I just…wanted to share that with you." She shrugged, a blush heating her cheeks as she ran a hand through her hair, suddenly visibly uncomfortable. "It's stupid, isn't it?" she muttered. "We should just go."

Emily stopped her before she could start the car again. "It's not stupid," she assured her. "I think it's sweet. And, I like it here. It's peaceful."

"You mean boring?" Paige teased, the grin that lit up her features a welcome change to the morose expression from moments before.

"Well, I wasn't going to say anything but…"

Emily chuckled as Paige let out an indignant squeak.

"Thank you, for bringing me here. For sharing this spot with me," she said, smiling softly when Paige nodded, blushing lightly.

Silence descended over them once again, but there was no awkwardness this time it was easy, companionable. They sat, looking over the town, watching the cars, tiny like ants, moving below them, the only sound their breathing and the occasional gust of wind outside the car. Paige's hand remained securely in her own, warm and soft, the weight of it anchoring Emily whenever her thoughts started to spin off out of control.

She had a lot to think about, a lot to contend with, but it didn't seem so daunting, when she was sitting here like this, high above everything. She felt like she could take it all on, as long as Paige remained at her side.


	10. Chapter 10

Nyxxyn I'm glad I could ease your mind. And, I'm right there with you. I think that Lindsey Shaw does an amazing job as Paige. I only wish they had utilized her more. I agree, I think she's the one that got away, and even though I don't hold out much home that'll be rectified in the coming season, I still can't help watch, just in case.

Guest I'm glad you thought so. And yes, she's coming around slowly.

Ale I'm glad I could brighten your morning a bit. And that you liked the chapter. It's been kind of heavy, I thought it would be nice to inject some lightness.

Guest26 Soon, but there are a few things to get through first.

Guest: Thank you. I'm glad that I'm able to make you feel what they're feeling. It's angsty right now, especially for Paige, but things are slowly improving, and hopefully when they do, you'll feel that too.

Guest Thanks.

Guest: Thank you. Yeah, there will eventually be a sappy, happy ending, though not for a while still.

Guest: I'm glad you liked the chapter. Their day alone didn't go quite as you predicted, but I hope you like it anyways. And, thanks, for having faith. I promise not to let you down, even if I do put a few twists and turns in their way.

Guest: Welcome to the story. I'm glad you decided to take a chance on it.

Guest: I think Emily is getting more and more curious, as time goes on. And her curiosity will probably get more and more intimate as well. Thank you, for reading. And for your comments.

Guest Thank you. I'm glad that I can make you feel what they're feeling. Now that I'm no longer working on Gaining Clarity, I hope to resume a similar updating schedule. Once a week, ideally. I hope you enjoy the rest of their day spent together. And, Emily's time with the girls will probably be the next chapter. Thank you, for reading and for you review.

 **Chapter 10**

They stayed to watch the sun set. The silence between them broken intermittently by random bits of conversation, about nothing, about everything as the sun slipped below the horizon in a fiery display of reds, yellows, and oranges. As far as moments went, it was as close to perfect as Emily had ever experienced. Quiet. Calm. Easy. For the first time since she had woken up in the hospital, the disquiet had faded, fallen away completely, not for anything she had done but simply by sitting here, playing idly with Paige's fingers as night descended. But for all this moment was nearly perfect, she knew that it could only exist in this place

She wondered if this was how it had felt, on their second date, the ill-fated picnic that Paige had described. Only this time, there was a reversal of roles. Because right now it was Emily who knew that once they made it back to town, things between them would shift once again. As nice as Paige's hand felt in her own, as warm and comforting and easy as it was right now, she was in no way ready to announce these feelings to the world.

Not yet, anyway. Not when she still wasn't sure what these feelings were. But, she was going to do her best to figure them out. For her sake. And for Paige's. As sweet and patient as Paige had been of late, Emily knew that this situation was hurting her. Though she tried to hide it, Emily could see the cracks. And Emily needed to figure out what she wanted, what she needed for herself. She had no idea if, or when, her memories would return, and she couldn't spend the rest of her life in limbo. It wasn't fair to either of them, this facsimile of a life together.

Yet, every time she glanced over at Paige, got a glimpse of her face, cast in the soft, muted glow her expression a picture of serene contentment, she reasoned that another few minutes like this couldn't hurt. And, every time, as if sensing Emily's eyes on her, Paige would glance back, and offer up a soft, sweet smile and squeeze her hand lightly, and Emily's heart would break, just a little, at the thought of possibly hurting this wonderful woman.

But Emily knew that she couldn't stay with Paige, letting her think things would revert back to what they once were, if she didn't think it were possible to return Paige's feelings.

What scared Emily was not the possibility of having to find somewhere else to live, or starting out again, all by herself. No. What scared her the most was how badly she wanted to be able to return Paige's feelings. It hit her with a force that left her breathless, this yearning to be the person that Paige seemed to think she was.

She wasn't, not yet. And, she didn't know if she ever would be. But, she was going to do her best to figure it out. Quickly.

The vibrant colors across the sky slowly faded, the bright reds and oranges blurring and muting, as dusk fell. Soon, the sky would be an inky black, and stars would start to appear.

Emily felt like the two of them could stay out here all night, talking, sitting, watching the lights of the city twinkle below them as the moon tracked across the sky. But, Paige's stomach was beginning to rumble, and Emily's pain meds were starting to wear off. She could feel a dull, throbbing ache start to settle in.

It was with much reluctance that she softly suggested that they should head home.

"Yeah." Paige flashed her a soft, slightly sad smile, and took her hand back to start the car.

Emily immediately missed its softness, its warmth. She curled her fingers, pressing them into her palm, trying to duplicate the sensation by rubbing her thumb over her knuckles, much like Paige had been doing. But, it was an empty sensation.

The car tires crunched over gravel as Paige backed up and carefully turned the car around, headlights sweeping across the darkness they had moments ago been engulfed in, giving Emily one last glimpse of the secluded picnic spot and overlook before they were headed away

The mood in the car was sombre as they headed back down the hill. Emily wondered how much of what she was thinking and feeling, Paige could pick up on. She was surprised, a few minutes later, as they left the park area and hit the surface streets heading back into town, when Paige reached over and laid her hand over Emily's, gently working her fingers into unclenching, not that Emily needed much coaxing, so she could lace their hands together once again.

Despite her hunger, and her physical discomfort, Emily was hit with a pang of disappointment when they pulled into the driveway. She kind of wanted to just drive all night. To disappear somewhere, just the two of them, where they wouldn't have to deal with prying eyes. Where it wouldn't matter if Emily couldn't remember. And they could just be. But, she knew that running away wouldn't change anything but their geography.

"Thank you, for today," Paige said. She had turned off the car, and pulled the keys from the ignition, but instead of climbing out had turned in her seat, leaning against the headrest as she regarded Emily. The darkness obscured her features, but there was just enough light for Emily to see her eyes shining and a faint smile tugging at her lips.

"I had a good time. It was a good day."

Emily found herself nodding, agreeing with Paige's statement before she had even finished speaking. "It was." She squeezed Paige's hand, and leaned her head on the seat back, gazing back at Paige, who seemed in no hurry to move, so neither was Emily.

She imagined that this was how the end of a good first date would feel. A quiet contentment, and a reluctance to move, to part.

They had the advantage of going to the same place, but the mood would be shattered once they were inside. Paige would cook dinner, while Emily kept her company, then she would clean up, while Emily rested. As wonderful as today had been, it had taken its toll. She could feel the burn of sleep building behind her eyelids, and knew that as soon as she took her pills, she would be out for the count. It was the inevitable conclusion to their ending. And, not a bad one at that. But still, Emily wasn't quite ready to part with this moment.

She wondered if it could be that simple. If wanting it was enough to make it happen. Slowly, she leaned forward and brushed her lips against Paige's, tentatively, testing. When she felt that same flutter in her stomach and flash of heat that she had this morning, and the last, she pressed a little more firmly, deepening the kiss. Paige sighed softly against her lips, the sound spurring Emily on. Her hand slipped up Paige's arm, over her shoulder, to the back of Paige's neck, pulling her closer. She felt a faint sweep of Paige's tongue against her lower lip, a gentle prod for entrance, and parted her lips, allowing Paige's tongue to slip inside. The faint moan that issued from Paige's throat jolted Emily from the moment. She pulled back, suddenly struck with panic as she realized what she had just done. Paige's eyelids fluttered open, and Emily dropped her gaze, unable to bear looking into her eyes. The air in the car crackled with tension.

"Paige-"

"Don't. Em. Just, don't." Paige's voice was tight, her words sounding harsh to Emily's ears. Even though she knew she deserved it, it still stung. "You're confused. I get that. But the thing is, I'm not confused. I know exactly how I feel about you. And you can't just…just…use me as… an..an experiment."

"I know. I'm sorry. I just…" Just what? Tried to convince herself she was ready for something she wasn't even sure she wanted? Tried to force herself to want something?

"It's okay." All the anger in Paige's voice had faded, leaving her sounding tired. "You're not ready. And that's okay."

That Emily might never be ready was left unspoken, though the truth hung heavily between them.

"It was such a good day. And now I've gone and ruined it."

"Hey, now, you haven't ruined anything." To her credit, Paige tried to sound convincing, though her reassurance fell flat. "Look, why don't we go inside, grab some dinner-"

"I'm not really hungry." It wasn't a lie. Her appetite had disappeared. The way her stomach was churning she didn't think she'd be able to keep anything down.

Paige paused a moment, the silence hanging heavy between them. "Okay then. Skip dinner. We can put on a movie and-"

And what, fall asleep together watching a movie like they had last night? That didn't seem like such a good idea right now.

"I'm pretty tired."

"Oh." Paige sounded disappointed, but she didn't try and rebuff that. "All right, let's get you inside then."

Without waiting for a response, she turned in her seat and slid out of the car. Emily followed suit more slowly, and despite everything that had happened between them, and the tension that had settled, Paige was there to help, guiding her from the car and helping her up the steps and into the house. They both knew Emily could make her way upstairs by herself, but Paige hovered, ready to catch her if she slipped. Emily was both touched, and annoyed by the gesture.

Emily made her way into the bedroom and all but collapsed onto the bed. Suddenly she felt too exhausted to even change into sleep clothes. Luckily, the loose pants and t-shirt she was wearing today would be comfortable enough for sleeping in. It took nearly all the energy she possessed to reach out and grab her pill-bottle from the night table and dry swallow one. Even the motion of taking a sip of water too much for her right now. She closed her eyes and settled more comfortably against the pillows, already feeling the pull of sleep. She could sense Paige hovering in the doorway, though the other woman said nothing. Slowly, Emily's limbs grew heavy, the pervasive ache slowly slipping away, and she felt herself falling into sleep.

She might have thought she imagined it, the feel of a blanket being pulled up over her, if not for the fact that she woke covered by the sham that normally sat folded along the edge of the bed. She wondered if the hand she had felt brushing the hair from her forehead and the faint kiss were also real, or a product of her medicine induced slumber.

A glance at the clock on the nightstand revealed that it wasn't all that late, she had only slept for about two hours. After checking the clock, the next thing she did was glance out into the hallway, where she saw a sliver of light peeking out from around the partially closed door of the study. Paige was still up, probably doing the paperwork that she had brought home, so that she and Emily could spend the day together. The day that Emily had ruined with her impulsiveness.

She sighed, and rubbed a hand over her eyes, wondering what had gotten into her. She wasn't normally that reckless. Especially when it came to the hearts of people she cared about. And, she did care about Paige. She might not be able to define the exact parameters, but she did care.

Though the better part of her told her to just leave it alone, to try and go back to sleep and give Paige some space until morning, Emily could not resist slipping from bed and making her way down the hallway. She tapped lightly on the door, and then pushed it open.

Paige glanced up, offering up a faint smile at Emily, as she hovered in the doorway.

"Hey. Couldn't sleep?"

"No," she gave a shrug. "The meds knocked me out, but I guess it wore off."

Paige nodded. "I uh, I'm just finishing up some stuff from the office. It's probably going to take me awhile…"

Emily wasn't sure if that was Paige's polite way of brushing her off, or if she really did have a lot to catch up on.

"Oh. Okay. I won't bother you then."

"You don't have to go. I mean, you can stay, if you want to."

"Yeah?" Emily perked up at the idea. "You don't mind?"

"I'd love the company. But then, I always do." Paige's smile didn't quite reach her eyes, but it was a nice gesture anyways.

"All right then. I'll just…" Emily grabbed a text book from the bookcase as she eased into the room.

"A little light reading then?" Paige teased, and Emily gave a shrug.

"It's pretty interesting."

"If you say so. Though, there's a novel you started a few weeks ago on the table by the couch, if you want something a little less…clinical."

"I'll keep that in mind." Emily settled against the armrest, her legs stretched out in front of her, the injured one propped up on a pillow, and opened the text across her lap.

Despite her words to Paige, Emily had little interest in actually reading, she had just used the book as an excuse to stay, and be close to Paige. So mostly she skimmed through the pages, absorbing some of it, but missing a whole lot more, as she listened to the gentle rasp of Paige's breathing and the clatter of keys.

"I made grilled cheese, if you're hungry."

Paige's voice broke the easy silence that had descended. Emily glanced up, and followed Paige's gaze to where sure enough a plate with a golden brown grilled cheese sandwich and a handful of chips sat. She glanced back up at Paige, and caught sight of a plate, empty save for a few crumbs and a couple of chips, sitting at her elbow. It was almost as if Paige had known Emily would seek her out, at some point this evening.

Perhaps this was a regular occurrence, after they fought. If you could even call what had happened a fight.

"Looks delicious. Thank you." Emily reached for the plate, pulling it a little closer, and snagged one half of the sandwich, suddenly ravenous now that the tension between them had evaporated. Sandwich in hand, she settled back against the armrest, and continued to skim through the pages of her book while Paige worked.


	11. Chapter 11

Guest: poor Paige. But, maybe not for much longer.

Nyxxyn Thank you. That is quite the compliment. I've read probably all the same stories you've read, and I agree with your assessment. It seems most fiction writers are in agreement, Paige is solid. She's loyal and will endure a lot to follow through on her promises. And I hope that you continue to enjoy the journey, as I take them from where they are now to a happy ending. And yeah, there definitely needs to be hope. Sometimes the impossible becomes possible. Thank you, for reading and your thoughtful review.

Ale Thank you. I don't know if I can pull off the big angst, I tend to stick more to the quiet, slow kind. But maybe I'll try for something a little big, a blowout fight or something. We'll see.

Guest I honestly haven't decided yet. Maybe soon. Maybe not at all.

Guest Exactly.

Guest Good torture? Or just plain old torture?

Guest Well this next chapter is a little bit of both. And yes, there will be one final scene with Paige, Emily and the parents.

Guest Maybe not a trip, but I do have a scene planned with Paige, Emily, the girls and the boyfriends.

Sulven Yeah, that' got to be hard for Paige, having Emily so close, and not being able to do anything about it. But, I'm glad that you're enjoying the slow burn. It's been a lot of fun to write.

 **Chapter 11**

The house was quiet when Emily woke up. The kind of stillness that comes from being empty, and she knew instinctively that Paige was gone. A glance at the clock on the bedside table revealed that it was nearly nine, meaning Paige would have left for work some time ago. She was torn between being disappointment at not getting a chance to see Paige this morning. She had become accustomed to sharing breakfast and chatting with Paige, feeling like it was their routine, in a very short period of time. And relief. Things had still been a little tense last night, even though they had sort of made up. They hadn't spoken much, as Paige worked and Emily read. Really, only saying goodnight to each other when Paige shut down her computer, and Emily, her eyes heavy and her vision blurry, put aside her book and stood from the couch, which would become Paige's makeshift bed for the night.

She couldn't help but worry that Paige slipping out early meant that she still hadn't forgiven Emily for this kiss. That even though she had said it was fine and was trying to move on she wasn't able. Not that Emily could really blame her, if that was the case. But she hated the idea of Paige being upset with her. She had come to mean so much to Emily in a very short period of time. And even though she was still trying figure out just what that meant, she knew enough to realize that losing Paige's respect would break her heart. She knew that Paige would be there for her, no matter what, but she didn't want the other woman's opinion of her to diminish. She needed to get a handle on things, and fast.

Easier said than done though, she acknowledged as she pushed herself up into a sitting position, wincing a little as the motion pulled at her side, though pain wasn't nearly as bad as it had been even a few days ago. She was on the mend, physically at least. Soon she would start physiotherapy, to get her body back into peak physical shape. If only it were that simple to fix her brain. How wonderful it would be if some exercises could restore her memories the same way they would restore her range of motion.

Realizing this was a futile train of thought, and would only serve to frustrate her more than she already was, Emily shook the notion away. Literally shaking her head, as if the motion would scatter the thoughts, and expel them from her brain. An unfamiliar shape on the bedside table to her left caught her eye as she did so, and she shifted over. It took her a moment to figure that what she was looking at, and a smile broke out as she realized that Paige had made her breakfast in bed. There was a glass of orange juice, a cup of coffee and a plate covered by what looked like a large, upturned salad bowl, probably to keep whatever was underneath warm on a tray. She pulled of the makeshift lid to find a plate of pancakes and eggs, with a couple sausages, a hand written note tented over the food. She pulled the whole tray onto her lap, and picked up the note, unfolding it to read Paige's message.

 _Good morning, sleeping beauty_ it started off with large, sloppily scrawled letters. Paige's hand writing was horrible. She made a mental note to tease her about it later.

 _Sorry I couldn't be there when you woke up. I got called into an early morning meeting. You looked so peaceful, I couldn't stand to wake you. Have a great day. I'll call you later._

 _XO_

 _Paige._

Emily's smile only grew wider as she read the note, her heart swelling with affection. Things like this gave Emily an idea how she could have fallen for Paige. And, if she were being honest, which she had been trying to be, how she could see herself falling for Paige again. If she could let go enough to happen. It had been weeks of struggling and denying, but Emily was starting to realize that most of what was standing in her way was herself. Her fears and her hang-up. This wasn't really a choice she had to make. Nature had apparently already made the decision for her. Not once, but twice now.

This didn't make the knowledge any easier. Nor did the fact that seemingly everyone around her was fine with it. Her parents, her friends, all of the people in her life that she would have been worried about telling already knew, and were accepting. Her parents treated Paige like their own daughter, asking after her the same they did about Emily. Her friends were on board, at least that was the impression she had gotten in the hospital. Her house and Facebook page were filled with photos of them with Paige and herself. Physical proof of their approval and acceptance.

It should make coming out a breeze. Yet, Emily's thoughts shied away from the idea. Even a hint of the words blocked her throat and sent her heart racing.

This was way too much to take in before breakfast, she decided, shaking the unsettled feelings aside, trying to focus on the meal that Paige had so thoughtfully prepared for her. The plate still felt warm to the touch, and small tendrils of steam rose from the coffee mug, so Emily figured it had not been left that long ago and probably didn't need to be reheated. She reached for her fork, and dug in. The first bite of pancake was soft and fluffy, nearly melting on her tongue. She let out a soft moan of pleasure as she eagerly broke off another. She didn't know why she continued to be surprised by Paige's cooking skills, but it was a pleasant discovery every time.

It didn't take her long to get through the meal, the generous portions enough to make her feel just a bit on the wrong side of pleasantly full. She lifted the coffee mug from the tray, and sat back with a groan, fully intending to enjoy her post meal stupor.

As she sipped her coffee, she reached for Paige's cell phone, which she had tucked into her pocket yesterday, and failed to take back out again. She flipped it on, and was startled when it vibrated in her hand, revealing that she had several missed calls or texts. She fumbled with the device, and once she got a hold on it, scrolled through the alerts. It seemed that the girls had all replied to her text suggesting they get coffee, all of them replying in the affirmative, with Hannah suggesting that today would be a good day for it. The others agreed that they were free. And Aria, who lived and worked locally, offered to drive Emily into the city to meet with the others, who both worked there. Apparently the bulk of the plans had been made in her absence. She felt a little bad for getting the ball rolling and then bailing, but she'd had other things on her mind, and it seemed like it had all worked out.

She checked her watch, it was still early enough that she could be ready to meet them for lunch. As bad as it probably sounded, she didn't want to meet them after work, and cut into her time spent with Paige. Especially not after last night, and her uncertainty as to where things stood between them. The breakfast had been sweet, and the note a nice gesture, but she still had no idea whether there would still be tension between them.

She sent a group text back, saying that today worked for her as well. Why wouldn't it, though, really. It's not like she had anything else to do. Then, sent a private text to Aria saying she would appreciate a ride. That taken care of, she called Paige, which had been her original intention.

"McCullers."

"Hey," she said, a small smile forming and a warm, fuzzy feeling forming in her chest as she knew that Paige would know who it was by that one word alone.

"Hey. You're up. Sorry I left the way I did this morning, but it was early. I thought about waking you but-"

"It's okay. Your note explained it all. Thank you, by the way. For breakfast. It was sweet. And you really didn't have to do that."

"Like I could leave the house knowing that if I didn't, you'd have to get by with cold cereal? Not likely. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

"I'm not sure it matters, in my case." It's not like she was going to be doing much today. Sitting in a car and then sitting in some coffee shop or restaurant.

"Especially in your case. You're healing. Your body needs fuel to help you get better faster. It's-"

"Easy, tiger." Emily cut Paige off before she could get too worked up. Though she couldn't help but be touched by how protective she had gotten. "I was just kidding."

"Oh. Sorry." Paige huffed softly, and Emily chuckled.

"It's fine. How was the meeting, the one you got called into?"

Paige groaned. "Don't even get me started."

Emily hummed sympathetically. "That good huh?"

"I love my job, Em. And I know my bosses do good work. But some days…urgh."

Emily didn't know what that meant, exactly, but she still murmured a soft apology, hoping it would make Paige feel better.

"It's fine. Don't worry about it." Predictably, Paige wouldn't let Emily dwell on it. Even though she could sense that Paige needed to vent, she didn't press. She would get her to open up tonight. "How's your morning been?"

"Well, the whole twenty minutes or so that I've been awake have been fine."

"Twenty minutes?" Emily guessed, from the way Paige chuckled, that she had just looked at her watch. "Lazybones."

There wasn't much Emily could say to dispute that. And honestly she didn't mind the teasing, not if it meant that the awkwardness of the night before had passed. She still felt bad, about her impulsive actions and she knew she owed Paige an apology but she wasn't sure if it would be best to bring it up, and clear the air, or just let it rest. She didn't want to make things awkward again, and rehashing last night would undoubtedly do that.

"Was your breakfast even still warm?" Paige asked. "I'm sorry, I should have made something that wouldn't…congeal. Those eggs must have been disgusting-"

"They weren't. They were good."

Paige made a noise of disbelief. "You wouldn't be lying to me now, Fields would you?"

"Never. I promise. Scouts honor."

"Like you were ever a scout."

Emily hadn't needed scouts, her father had taught her all of that stuff, camping, knot tying, integrity, respect. "No. But, I bet you were."

"Hey, I rocked that uniform."

She could just picture Paige in her little scout uniform, a little brunette dynamo skirting the line between regulation and disheveled, her sash covered in merit badges but hanging askew, her hair in messy pigtails and her knees scrapped and skinned beneath the rumpled, pleated skirt.

"No doubt."

"And, I broke records, selling those cookies."

"Of course you did." Probably because nobody could say no to those expressive brown eyes.

Paige made a disgruntled sound in the back of her throat. "I can't tell if you're mocking me or not."

"Would I mock you, McCullers?"

Paige scoffed. "In a heartbeat."

Emily couldn't help but laugh at that. "Okay. You're probably right. But, I'm not mocking you now. I'm sure you were an adorable girl scout."

"Damn right I was."

"And, I really, really hope that you have photographic evidence of that, somewhere around the house."

Paige was quiet for a long moment. "Wait, really?"

Emily picked up on the change in her tone, and debated whether or not to question her on it. They had been having such an easy, lighthearted moment, she wasn't sure she wanted to bog it down. But at the same time, she knew they weren't going to make any progress if she kept ignoring things that made her uneasy.

"Yes. Why?"

"Nothing. Never mind."

She could envision Paige shaking her head, brushing aside whatever thought had passed through her mind.

"I think there's a box of some of my old stuff in the office closet. Photo albums, school reports, stuff like that."

And Emily had missed it yesterday. She had gotten sidetracked by the books, and then Alison had called. She hadn't even made it to the closets in the office, but had been so close. She felt regret at not having stumbled across it. But at the same time, she thought it might also be fun to go through the stuff with Paige.

"You don't really want to see all that, do you?"

"Of course I do."

"There's nothing embarrassing in there," Paige warned her. "If that's what you were looking for. I made sure of that."

"Well, I wasn't. But, thanks for letting me know that there is embarrassing stuff for me to find. Somewhere."

Paige groaned, and Emily laughed.

"Fine. But, quid pro quo."

"I'll show you mine, if you show me yours." As soon as the words left her mouth, Emily realized how they could be construed. Paige gulped, audibly and despite the blush heating her cheeks, and the discomfort churning in her stomach at the feelings the words had stirred up, Emily laughed.

"Sounds like fun." Paige's tone was teasing, though Emily could detect a note of seriousness underlying. It was then that she caught on to the reason for Paige's earlier hesitance.

There was a sort of intimacy to what they were planning, going through childhood albums and mementoes, letting each other in on another side of themselves. Opening up. Being vulnerable. It wasn't something that you did with someone who played only a casual role in your life. It wasn't a commitment by any means, but it certainly spoke of one. She and Paige had probably done this already, once before as their relationship got serious.

Knowing this didn't scare Emily off, the way it might have, even yesterday. The way Paige was probably afraid it would.

"I can't wait," Emily said, the words a hundred percent true. She hoped that Paige could hear that, in her voice.

A soft silence fell, broken only by the faint rasp of Paige's breathing down the line. Far from being awkward though, the moment was quiet, comfortable.

"I guess I should let you get back to work." Emily broke it reluctantly a few minutes later, when she caught sight of the time and realized how long she'd kept Paige on the line. Not only did she not want to get Paige in trouble for making personal calls at work, she had to start getting ready.

"Yeah, I should probably go." Paige sounded about as willing to get off the phone as Emily did. Another prolonged silence fell, broken by Paige letting out a long sigh. "Thanks for calling."

Emily nodded, though she knew Paige couldn't see her. She just wasn't sure how to say that she had wanted to hear Paige's voice without making it into something more than it was.

"I hope the rest of your day goes better."

"It's already looking up."

Emily's cheeks warmed in a blush, pleased by the compliment. "I'll see you tonight."

"Can't wait."

Slowly, reluctantly, she hung up. She probably would have sat there all day, clutching the phone in her hand and staring at it, willing it to ring and talking herself out of calling Paige back, if a glance at the clock hadn't spurred her into motion. She wasn't moving as well as she used to, and if she didn't start getting ready she was going to end up keeping Aria waiting.

She had no intention of showering. Despite her confidence that she could handle the task on her own, she didn't want to go against Paige's request to not do anything too strenuous. Well, too much, anyway. She knew Paige wouldn't be pleased at the idea of her getting dressed by herself, or going out without her. But, there was only so much of Paige's overprotectiveness, a well-meaning as it was that she could take before she started to balk. She was used to being independent and even though it might make Paige worry about her, she wasn't able to just sit around docile until she had healed.

Getting dressed without assistance was more tiring that she had imagined it would be, and involved a fair bit of struggle as her range of motion wasn't what it used to be, but she managed with only a moderate degree of swearing, and without wearing herself out completely. She even finished with a bit of time to spare. Not a lot of time. Only about ten minutes, but she was proud of the fact that she wouldn't be making Aria wait.

It was a nice day out, still mild despite the fall chill that hung in the air in the evenings, the sun clear and the sky a crisp blue. Emily reheated the remains of her coffee and took it outside, sitting on the porch swing as she awaited Aria's arrival. She wasn't out there for long before an unfamiliar red car pulled into the driveway. Emily hoisted herself to her feet and was making her way down the porch steps before Aria had even gotten out of the car. They met at the head of the driveway. Aria greeted her with a smile, and a gentle squeeze of her arm, rather than a hug, which was nice. Emily didn't know her well enough to feel comfortable with one, but to reject it would be rude.

"Do you need any help?" she asked, as they made their way back to her car. Emily appreciated the question, rather than her just stepping in and attempting to help.

"No. Thanks. I think I got it."

Like Paige, Aria hovered at her side, unlike Paige, whose presence was solid, and reassuring, Aria reminded her of a humming bird, flitting anxiously from side to side. Emily was pretty sure that if she actually went down, she would take the other girl down with her. Although, she had seen her haul Spencer bodily from the room, so maybe it would be best not to underestimate her. Luckily, Emily made into the front passenger seat without incident and didn't have to test her theory. Aria circled around the front of the car and climbed in next to her. She turned the engine on, and the radio sprang to life, the volume low enough that they could have a conversation over it, but loud enough to fill the silences and mask the awkwardness.

A couple of songs played out while Emily racked her brain, trying to think of something to say. She tried to remember everything that she knew about Aria, which admittedly wasn't a lot. She hadn't exactly been making an effort while she was in the hospital. The fact that Aria was here now was a testament to how close the two of them must have been, before the accident. Emily wasn't sure she'd be so understanding, or forgiving, if the situations were reversed. Thankfully, Aria, and the others, didn't seem to be holding it against her. And Emily needed to show that she appreciated their patience, and that their efforts were worth it. Which was why she needed to come with a topic of conversation, something, anything. So, she ran through every little detail she knew.

Aria was an author and an assistant professor of literature at Hollis College. She was married to a man named Ezra Fitz, also a teacher, at the local high school. She enjoyed photography and art and was a vegetarian. The sum total of an apparent decade long friendship was seven facts.

And it wasn't any better with the other two. From what Emily had gathered, Hannah was a designer, she had a small boutique in Philly and contributed to a couple of fashion magazines. She was dating a guy named Caleb and they had a chocolate lab puppy named Sergio. Spencer was super smart. She was in law school, with her sights set on working for the DA's office in Philly. She was engaged to Toby, who Emily actually did remember. He had moved in across the street when they were in middle school. She had feigned a crush on him, because one of her friends at the time had thought he was hot and she had agreed so she wouldn't have to admit that aside from his taste in music he was of no interest to her.

It was disheartening to realize how little she knew about her supposed best friends. Though she tried to reassure herself with the fact that she was making the effort to get to know them now, it still felt a bit like too little too late.

She tried to shake of the feeling and focus on striking up a conversation, because that was the only way she was going to be able to fix this.

"I started reading your book," she said, figuring that was as good as any place to start. "I'm not very far along, but so far it's good." Her statement only half true. She had started Aria's book yesterday morning, before she'd gotten restless and began pillaging through her belongings. And she hadn't gotten very far into it. But, it was a little esoteric for her tastes. A little lie was acceptable in a situation like this, right? Friends supported each other's endeavors, even if they didn't fully understand them.

Aria laughed lightly. "You don't have to do that."

"Do what?"

"Lie, to spare my feelings or whatever."

"What do you mean?"

"You hated my book. All of you did."

Emily frowned, that didn't sound right to her. Even if it were true, why would they tell her that?

"You were all very supportive and listened to all of my rantings as I tried to write it and came to my release party and bought copies, but none of you actually liked the book."

"Okay," Emily said slowly, trying to figure out where this was going. "Sorry?"

"You don't have to apologize. I don't expect you to like all the same things I like. That's not why we became friends."

"Why did we become friends? Or, is that rude? I'm sorry. I'm a little out of my depth here." Emily ran a hand through her hair and sighed softly in frustration. Ten minutes into the conversation and she was already blowing it.

"Hey, it's okay. I think we're all a little out of our depth here." Aria reached out and gave her arm a gentle squeeze. "I mean, I don't know about you, but I've never had a friend with amnesia before."

Emily couldn't help but laugh lightly at that. "Fair enough. Still, I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize. Or feel like there are certain things you can't say and questions you can't ask. Our lives are an open book. Anything you want to say, anything you want to know, go ahead."

Emily nodded, though she couldn't actually see herself being that forward. Maybe in time, but she couldn't remember any of the history that seemed to bond them together and she wasn't about to test its strength by asking imposing personal questions.

"Though, to be honest, Hannah will probably tell you everything, whether you ask her about it or not. I love her, but girl doesn't have a filter."

Emily chuckled, nodding her head in agreement. She had noticed.

"To answer your question, we met through Ali. Alison-"

"DiLaurentis," Emily finished for her. "Yeah. We actually talked, yesterday."

"Oh yeah?" Aria glanced over, looking a little surprised but not concerned, which Emily took as a good sign. Considering that her friends apparently knew more details about her relationship with Alison than Paige did, it was good to see that Aria wasn't alarmed by their talking. Despite Alison's reassurance that nothing had really happened between them, she still felt uneasy with that bit of her history. "That's really great. She's hard to get a hold of. Time difference and all. But, it's good that you two had a chance to reconnect."

Emily nodded. She had enjoyed the conversation, despite the way it had left her reeling.

"Right. Well, like I said, we met through Ali, second semester of freshman year. At first we only hung out if Ali was there. It's not like we had a ton in common. You were a jock, I was the weird artsy girl-"

Emily opened her mouth to protest. Surely there had been more to Aria back then. But Aria waved her off.

"We didn't like the same books, the same movies, the same shows. If it weren't for Ali as a bridge, we probably wouldn't have had anything to say to each other. But, you turned me on to classic horror movies and I got you interested in indie bands and slowly we started having things to talk about even when Ali wasn't around. It was like that for all of us. I mean, if it weren't for someone bringing us together do you really that Spencer and I would have had anything do with each other? Or, you and Hannah?"

Thinking about their vastly different personalities, Emily had to shake her head. High school, or at least what she remembered of it, was so insular. You stuck with your own kind. The jocks with the jocks, the nerds with the nerds, the weird art students with the other weird art students. But, somehow Emily had ended up best friends with a brainiac, a fashionista and an artist. And they had ended up best friends with a jock. It was an unlikely circle. And, Alison must definitely have been a dynamic personality to facilitate it, especially back then. Emily still didn't have all the details, but she was grateful that it had happened.

"So, I guess this is going to be a little bit like that all over again, isn't it?" she questioned.

Aria nodded in agreement.

It was a little troubling. Because she would never be the exact same Emily they knew her to be. She was rediscovering and exploring who she was. And what if they didn't like the person she had turned out to be?

"Did I really tell you I hated your book?"

Aria laughed lightly. "Not in so many words. No. It's just not your thing. And that's okay."

Emily nodded, not quite appeased.

"Though to be fair, I find it boring watching you swim laps back and forth across a pool."

"Rude," Emily said, though she got Aria's point. Aria laughed, and Emily followed suit, the mood finally lightening a little.

"Do you miss it, swimming?"

Emily considered the question. She didn't have the memories of her swimming that her friends did. And it was hard to miss something you didn't remember.

To her swimming meant Saturday mornings at the rec center, seeing how long she could hold her breath under water and doing handstands in the shallow end, trying to dive to the bottom and playing Marco Polo with her friends. It was a handful of races won on competition days, hosted by the rec center, a party life atmosphere that included a bbq and a funfair outside. She had no recollection of training, or competing. Swimming was still just something she did for fun and had been, maybe, considering pursuing on the school team. She didn't know if she felt the same way about swimming as she had before the accident.

"I miss being active," she said finally. "Being able to get up and go for a run, or a bike ride." Or even to just get up and walk across the room without the encumbrance of crutches and her cast. It was an adjustment

Aria nodded. "You're going a little stir crazy."

"Try a lot."

Aria made a sympathetic noise and squeezed her knee.

"So, thank you, for getting me out of the house for a bit today."

"I had purely selfish reasons, believe me."

"I'm okay with that," Emily said, which earned her a smile.

"What's your recovery time?" Aria asked. "How long before you're up and on your feet again?"

The doctors had said six to eight weeks before the cast came off and her incision site was fully healed, stating that her health, and her youth would aid in her recovery and likely had prevented her injuries from being more severe than they were. Emily wasn't sure she could make it that long, and was bound and determined to do everything she could to speed that process along. Not that there was much she could actually do, but it made her feel better to think she could be proactive.

Aria made another sympathetic noise at the news, and squeezed her knee again. Emily reached down and laid her hand over Aria's, her fingers curling around it in a light pressure. She noticed immediately the difference between holding Aria's hand and holding Paige's. Not only was Aria's smaller, and daintier, the skin smoother and paler, it didn't evoke the same fluttery feeling in her stomach. It was equally warm, and reassuring, but lacked that something that made holding Paige's hand both exciting and terrifying.

"Enough about me," she said. She was getting tired of being the focus of conversation all the time, her missing memories, her health, her recovery. She was never going to start to feel normal again if people didn't start treating her normally, and talked about things other than herself. "How are you? Tell me about your day."

Aria shot her a quizzical glance, and she nodded her reassurance. "All right…where do I start? Um, so in class this morning…"

Emily settled back in her seat, and listened to Aria talk about her classes, her students, Ezra, and the new book she was writing. The rest of the drive into the city passed pleasantly, the conversation with Aria keeping her mostly distracted from the traffic around them. As long as she kept her gaze averted from the road, she was able to keep calm and not quite relaxed, but more at ease than she had been yesterday on her way into the city.

Aria was right, from what she could tell, listening to the things that Aria spoke so passionately about, they had very little in common. Yet, Emily still found herself interested in what Aria had to say, even if she didn't always understand all of what she was talking about when it came to the art and literature stuff. Or able to relate to, when it came to Ezra and relationship stuff. But, there was something about the cadence of her voice that was soothing, and a sort of disjointed familiarity to sitting in a car, talking with her like this. She wondered if they had spent a great deal of time driving around, talking about love and life.

She felt more at ease with Aria than she had expected to. And by the time they made it to the city and were working their way through vaguely familiar streets towards their destination Emily was almost able to forget about the accident, and the damage it had done, and pretend that this was just a normal day, a normal conversation with a close friend.

It didn't take long before they were pulling into a parking lot across the street from a corner café. Their lunch destination, Emily presumed. She glanced over at the building, aware that when she went inside there were going to be two more perfect strangers with expectations waiting for her.

"You ready for this?" Aria asked softly, glancing over at her from the driver's seat.

Emily's gaze flit across the street to the café then back to Aria, and she nodded. "I can't wait," she said, and she wasn't even lying.


	12. Chapter 12

Nyxxyn Thank you. I'm glad that I'm able to get you into Emily's head, and let you feel a bit of what she must be going through. It is a unique situation that they're in, with their relationship both existing, and not. But, I'm glad that you like the slow burn. There's going to be a bit more, before things really heat up, so it's good that you're on board.

Guest: You don't have to feel bad for Hannah. Being married, or an engagement ring aren't the only hallmarks of a successful, long term relationship. She and Caleb are happy, in love, and completely devoted to each other. And there will be some evidence of that in near future chapters. I agree, Spencer and Toby haven't always been the best couple, but I root for them anyway.

Ale, there will definitely be more of those types of interactions between them. Yes, she's slowly falling, even if she doesn't realize it yet. And I hope you enjoy this next chapter, of their lunch together.

Guest: I'm glad you think so.

Guest: She does have an overprotective streak but she also wants what's best for Emily, so even if she's not exactly happy when she finds out, hopefully she'll see it's what Emily needed.

Sulven, yes, she's slowly falling, even if she doesn't realize it yet. Though I think she has some idea. Thank you, for reading, and for your comments.

 **Chapter 12**

They made it across the street without incident, Emily managing a fairly good clip on her crutches, with Aria keeping pace at her side. She seemed a little less anxious this time, hovering, but not so intently. The café was packed, the line from the counter nearly reached the door and at first glance, all of the tables appeared to be full. On her second sweep around the room, Emily caught sight of Hannah and Spencer already seated at one of the tables in the corner, coffees but not plates in front of them. Deep in conversation, neither one noticed their arrival. Waving to get their attention would be awkward with her crutches, so she nudged Aria with her elbow and when the other girl glanced over at her quizzically she nodded in their direction. Aria followed her gaze and let out a sigh of relief

"Oh, thank God. This place is a zoo. Finding a table would have been impossible."

Emily nodded her agreement as they inched forward in line. For as busy as the place was, the service seemed to be pretty quick. A lot of people were just grabbing coffees to go, so that probably helped things along.

"What do you want?" Emily asked, as they got closer to the head of the line. "Lunch is on me."

"Em, you really don't-"

"I want to." And she did. It seemed like the least she could do to thank Aria for driving her all the way out here, and then back again when lunch was done. Not to mention for putting up with her awkward attempts at conversation and making her feel more at ease than she had expected to feel today.

Aria still looked hesitant.

"Like you've never treated me to lunch before."

"Well of course I have but…Wait, did you just remember…?"

Aria looked so hopeful that Emily felt bad about shaking her head. "No. But I just figured. I mean, as good a friends as we are, I'm sure that we've treated each other a dozen times over."

"Yeah. But, that was before…"

"Before?"

"The accident. Back then you still knew who we were. And now…I don't know I feel like I'd be taking advantage if I asked you to-"

"You didn't ask. I offered."

Aria shot her an annoyed glance, which Emily responded to with her most winning smile.

"Please, Aria? Consider it a thank you, for driving me back and forth."

Aria sighed softly and relented, nodding. "Okay. Okay. Thank you."

"Are you always this difficult to do favours for?"

"Says the girl dating McCullers. Stubborn is practically her middle name."

Emily felt a jolt run through her at the casual, almost throw away manner which Aria referenced their relationship. Like it was no big deal.

Emily let out a weak laugh, and offered up a smile, which must have looked more like a grimace, because Aria's face immediately dropped.

"I'm sorry. I forgot."

"I'm pretty sure that's my line."

Aria let out a startled laugh, then immediately apologized, but Emily waved her off.

"How are things, between you two?" Aria asked softly as they advanced a little further up in line.

Emily shrugged, not even sure herself, never mind able to explain it to someone else. Even if that someone was proving to be an incredibly supportive and empathetic listener.

"I'm sure you two will work it out."

Where the comment, the assumption that all she and Paige needed was some time to get their relationship back on track might have rankled even a couple days ago, now it did actually reassure her, the way she was guessing Aria intended.

She was interrupted before she could comment by Aria's cell phone, the ringing startling them both. Aria recovered quickly, and reached into her purse, digging it out.

"It's Hannah," she said with a soft laugh as she read the text. "Wanting to know where we are."

Emily laughed lightly and peered through the crowd, trying to catch sight of their friend, but there were too many people in the way. "Why don't you go tell her we're here, I'll place our order." When Aria looked ready to protest, Emily cut her off before she could. "I think I can handle standing in line for five minutes and ordering coffee and sandwiches. Seriously. Go tell the girls that we're here before Hannah sends out a search party."

"She would too," Aria said with a roll of her eyes. "Are you sure you'll be okay?"

"I'll be fine. Go."

"All right. Text me if you need anything." She held up her phone for emphasis before turning and slipping through the crowd, heading towards the table. Emily lost sight of her after a few minutes, she was really tiny, and there were so many people milling about. She turned her attention back to the line in front of her and realized she was only one away from ordering.

"Can I help you?"

Make that next in line. She shuffled forward and offered up a warm smile to the kid behind the counter, he looked to be a couple years younger than her, probably in college, working his way through school. He blushed, and looked down, at her smile and Emily was taken aback. That was new.

"Can I…w…what can I get you?" he stumbled over his question as he glanced up, making eye contact for a moment before his gaze flit away. Emily's heart went out to him. She had always been shy, never quite knowing what to say when someone paid her attention. Getting flustered when a popular guy flashed her a smile or tongue tied when asked a question.

She wasn't used to being the one to garner that reaction from others. And maybe it was, no it definitely was, shallow but she couldn't help but get a kick out of it.

"I'll have two of the lunch specials," she said, pointing at the little chalkboard on the counter advertising a deal on a soup and sandwich combo, with coffee and a pastry for desert. "One veggie," she added, remembering belatedly that Aria was a vegetarian.

He nodded his head rapidly, his adam's apple bobbing up and down as he entered the detail into his information. "And…the coffees?"

"One cappuccino, one Americano."

He rang her up, and handed her a number for her table, so someone would know where to deliver the sandwiches, and she handed him a couple of bills in exchange.

"Keep the change," she said, giving him another smile, which made him blush bright red and avert eye contact again. She felt a little bad for flustering him on purpose, but the novelty hadn't quite sunk in yet.

She wasn't used to people looking at her like that, reacting to her like that.

Well, people besides Paige that was. A niggling little voice in her head reminded her that she had the same power to fluster Paige, without even trying. The other woman tried to hide it, but Emily had seen the way she looked at her sometimes, the glances over and then quickly away before she was caught staring, and the way her voice dropped and her cheeks flushed.

But she didn't use that to play with Paige. It seemed cruel, considering the circumstances. This was different.

"Here you go." He handed the coffees across the counter to her, and she grabbed them automatically, forgetting for a moment about her crutches. As she stumbled awkwardly sideways she realized she hadn't exactly planned this out very well. "Sorry, can I get a tray?" she asked, offering up a sheepish smile, because she was aware of the line growing behind her.

"Of course. Sorry." He made eye contact for a moment, and flashed her a grin, before blushing once again and looking away as he reached down behind the counter for a tray. He tucked the cups into it, along with a couple of napkins and handed it back to her.

"Thanks," she said, gripping the tray with one hand, and still somewhat awkwardly shifting away, using the crutch with her free hand and sort of dragging the other one under her arm along behind her. Luckily, she was steady on her feet enough that she really only needed the one. And thankfully, the crowd parted easily enough for her, she only stumbled once, and that wasn't even anyone's fault, the tip of her crutch snagged a table leg but it wasn't hard enough to really unbalance her, or even to spill a drop of coffee.

As she approached the table, Spencer stood to greet her.

"Hey, it's great to see you," she said as she took the tray from her hand and placed it on the table then sort of hovered awkwardly beside her seat for a moment. Emily took pity on her and extended her arms, inviting her in for a hug. Spencer practically fell into her arms, her own wrapping tightly around Emily. Hugging Spencer felt surprisingly more comfortable than Emily had expected, warm and vaguely familiar. There was a solidness to her that her slight frame belied and a fierceness to her grip that was comforting and reassuring, but without the butterflies and confusion that came with hugging Paige. They pulled apart slowly, reluctantly, and Emily felt a little guilty for denying herself a similar moment with Aria. Though aware they had an audience, Emily was still somewhat startled when she turned towards the table and found two sets of eyes focused intently on her. She met Aria's dark, doe-eyes first, half expecting to find them reproachful but not surprised to see nothing but compassion and understanding in them. She offered up a small smile of thanks, of apology, and Aria reached out, squeezing her fingers lightly.

"Looking good, Em." Hannah stood as well and threw her arms around Emily with enough force to make her wince.

"Easy Han. She had surgery a couple weeks ago."

Hannah released her with a soft gasp, and a rushed apology. "Did I hurt you? I'm sorry, Em. It's just so good to see you up on your feet and-"

"I'm fine. It's fine," Emily interrupted, placing both hands on Hannah's shoulders and giving them a soft squeeze, ignoring the slight stinging in her side in favor of reassuring the now distraught woman. Hannah's wide, watery blue eyes met hers and she held her gaze until finally Hannah nodded, a smile replacing her frown. "Do you have a cool scar? Can I see it?" She was reaching for Emily's shirt before she'd even finished speaking, tugging at its hem. Startled, Emily batted her hands away.

"C'mon. Don't be shy. It's not like it's anything I haven't seen before." Hannah reached for her shirt again, and yelped when Emily smacked her hands away. "Hey, we're all girls here."

"Yes. But we're also in the middle of a restaurant," Spencer said dryly as she gently pushed Hannah down into the seat she had just vacated.

"Oh, yeah," Hannah said, glancing around, as if startled to realize this was true. "But, before we leave. Can we go to the bathroom so I can see it?"

Shaking her head, Spencer guided Emily into the seat across from Hannah, which she sank into warily, keeping an eye on the woman across the table as if she might lunge across it for another attempt at sneak peek.

"It's not a scar," Spencer said as she slid into place across the table from Emily, beside Hannah. "Not yet at least. It's still healing"

"So it's what then?"

"An open wound."

"Ew." Hannah winced, and pressed herself back into her chair, as if trying to get as far away from Emily's incision sight as she could.

"And it's wrapped anyway," Emily added, contributing to the conversation for the first time since Hannah's words and actions had taken her aback. Aria was right, she didn't have a filter. Which Emily had kind of already gotten a sense of, but she guessed Hannah had been on best behaviour while Emily was in the hospital but now that she was out, all bets were off.

"Oh." Emily couldn't tell if Hannah looked disappointed, or relieved.

"Can we maybe not talk about scars and surgical stuff while we're waiting to eat lunch?" Aria asked, reaching for the tray of coffee and sliding it closer.

"What do you want to talk about instead then?" Hannah asked.

"Hmm, I don't know, maybe this." Aria picked up one of the coffees and turned it around so the others could see whatever it was she was looking at.

"What is that…is that a phone number?" Hannah leaned in to get a closer look. "Oh, my God. Work it Em."

"What?" Emily reached for the cup in Aria's hand, which was hers anyway, and examined the scrawled writing on the sleeve. "No way." But, there was no denying that she was staring at a name and phone number. "I didn't think he had it in him."

"Who? What's going on?" Hannah asked.

"Were you flirting with the barista?" Spencer asked, eyes narrowing as she leaned across the table on her elbows.

"No. Of course not. They were like twelve." An exaggeration for sure. He couldn't have been more than a few years younger than her. Maybe a little out of her age range, but not inappropriately so, had she been inclined to actually pursue something.

"And, what, if they weren't you would have?"

Emily shook her head. "No. Of course not."

"Then what's this all about then?" Spencer gestured towards the cup in Emily's hand.

"Nothing." Emily pulled the sleeve off and folded it over, concealing the source of all this awkward confusion. She had been feeling off balance before, and this wasn't helping.

"Clearly it's not nothing, if you're keeping her number."

"His number."

"What?"

"His number. The barista was a guy."

"A dude? Seriously Em? I know that this whole amnesia thing has got you shaken up, but really, a guy?" This from Hannah, who while not as worked up was visibly shaken.

Emily glanced back and forth between them, anger and confusion roiling within her. For people who were supposedly her friends, they were sure quick to rush to judgement. "No. Not a guy. Some college kid who, yes, I think was into me. But, that doesn't mean that I was into him. It's not like…I wouldn't…" She was so frustrated she couldn't get her words out.

"Okay. Time out." Aria made a t with her hands. "Let's all just take a breath. Spence, Han, take it easy. You remember what Paige said, right, about Emily and where's she's at with her memories?"

Emily shifted uncomfortably at the mention of Paige, not just at the idea of her talking about her with other people, but also at the thought of how she would react to someone else slipping Emily their number. For all that the two of them were technically just friends right now, they both knew that they were much more than that, and something like this had the power to really hurt Paige.

Hannah and Spencer both nodded at Aria's words, though Spencer's face showed her displeasure and Hannah grumbled something under hear breath.

"And, Em-"

"I get it," she interrupted. And she did. She had done nothing but see constant, oftentimes painful reminders of what the gaps in her memory did to the people closest to her. That tight smile and rushed reassurances that it was okay, they understood, when she gazed back at them with a blank stare as they referenced some important moment in their lives. Aria's wedding, at which she apparently had been a bridesmaid but obviously didn't remember, Spencer and Toby's engagement party, her dad's retirement party, when her parents renewed their vows. All these special memories she was a part of, but had no recollection of. She felt bad, she really did. But there was nothing she could do about it, and she wasn't the same Emily that they remembered. She couldn't be. And, though she hated feeling this way, she resented that everyone expected her to act like she was.

So what if she had been flirting with the barista? It was her right, after all. She was technically single.

Aria opened her mouth to protest but Emily stood abruptly, shaking the table and nearly knocking her chair over with the sudden movement. "I need a minute."

"Wait. Em. Please."

It was those eyes that did her in, wide and full of compassion and warmth. Her anger deflating as she sank down into her seat. It wasn't their fault, they were struggling with this just as much as she was. She had been a part of their lives for ten years that she couldn't even remember. Just because she couldn't feel it, didn't mean there wasn't a bond there. And Paige was their friend too, of course they were protective of her.

"Sorry," she muttered, already feeling guilty for her overreaction. "Look, I'm not ready to start dating anyone right now. But when I do, it won't be some random I met at a coffee shop. Okay? I think I owe Paige at least that much, don't you?"

"Yes," Hannah said immediately.

"No," Spencer said at the same time. "You can't be with someone out of obligation," she defended her opinion to the other two girls, who had turned to look at her, incredulous.

Hannah spluttered, trying to formulate a response, while Aria looked thoughtful, clearly Spencer's words had given her something to think about.

Emily nodded her thanks, appreciating Spencer's attempt to see her side of things. "It's not that," she said, addressing Spencer's comment. "Obligation," she clarified. "If anything were to happen between Paige and I, it wouldn't be because I feel like I have to be with her. It'd be because I want so see if whatever we once shared was still between us."

"Does that mean you're thinking about it?" Aria asked, and Emily couldn't help but bark out a laugh. Thinking about it? More like obsessing about it. Stressing over it. Worrying about it.

"Sorry," she apologized immediately, then clamped a hand over her mouth to stop any more inappropriate reactions from spewing forth. She knew that Aria's question, that all of their interest was well meaning, but it still just felt invasive to Emily.

"It's okay," Aria said, the kindness in her eyes letting Emily know that it was in fact okay.

"I can't help thinking about it," Emily said, doing her best to be honest, and open, the way best friends were supposed to be. "It's pretty much all I think about these days. Being with Paige, what would it be like? What was it like? But, it's not…I'm not there yet. And, maybe I never will be. I don't know."

Hannah frowned, then her face softened and she nodded. "Okay. I'm sorry."

Emily offered up a soft smile and reached out to squeeze her arm, letting her know there were no hard feelings. Hannah laid a hand over hers, patting it gently, before turning to Spencer, who's expression was somewhere between a grimace and a scowl.

"Spence?" Aria prompted, just as Spencer let out a yelp, and jumped in her seat.

"Jesus, Hannah," she muttered, reaching down with one hand to rub her leg, which presumably Hannah had kicked. "Ow. Hey. You can stop kicking me. I wasn't the one who thought she should be with Paige, regardless."

"I know, that's why I was kicking you. How can you not be rooting for team Paily?"

"Paily?"

"Y'know. Paige and Emily."

"Are they always like this?" Emily turned to Aria, amused but also mildly concerned by their bickering.

"Pretty much," Aria said, rolling her eyes, but shooting them a fond smile nonetheless.

"Fun," Emily deadpanned, though she actually kind of thought it was. Clearly they were close, the boundaries between them nearly non-existent and it was oddly comforting to watch, it not a little daunting. Because it made her feel like an outsider, despite the knowledge that she was part of the inner circle.

But, slowly she started to feel like less of an outsider as the conversation drifted away from her, and onto more mundane things. Their food came, and over lunch Spencer told them, in unspecific details, about some of the cases she was assisting with as part of her internship. And Hannah bitched, hilariously, about her boss at one of the magazines she worked for and customers at the store. Aria talked about her students, and ideas for her upcoming anniversary.

By the time they were picking at the crumbs of their meals and sipping the last drops of their refills-the third for Spencer, the second for the others- Emily felt much more at ease, and like this lunch had accomplished exactly what she had set out to do, which was help re-connect her with her friends.

There was still a lot to learn, about herself and the others, but it didn't seem like such an impossible task as they stood from their table and began making their way towards the exit, throwing out promises of plans to get together again soon.

They lingered on the sidewalk just outside the restaurant, none of them in any hurry to part, despite the fact that Hannah and Spencer's lunch breaks were quickly running out.

It was only when Spencer's watch beeped an alarm, her signal, she informed them, that she had to be heading back to campus that they finally parted ways. And even then, it wasn't immediately. Hannah had one last story to tell. Aria had one more comment to share. When Spencer's watched beeped again she sighed heavily.

"All right. I really do have to go. I have Constitutional law at two. I'm really glad we did this though. Em, thanks for coming."

"I'm glad too," Emily said, stepping in for another hug, this time without hesitation, or Spencer giving her that kicked-puppy look. Spencer folded her long arms around her, and she just melted right in, soaking up the warmth and comfort as she snuggled into her body.

"Hey, quit hogging her," Hannah protested, tugging at the back of Emily's shirt, and pushing at Spencer's shoulder once she'd parted from her own hug with Aria. "You're not the only one who has to get back."

Laughing, they parted, and Emily turned to Hannah and allowed herself be folded into her embrace. Like Spencer, there was an unexpected solidness to Hannah, and an odd sort of familiarity, as if her body could remember this feeling, even if her mind didn't. She pulled out of the hug quickly, however, as she felt Hannah's hand skating up her side, fingers feeling out the bandages covering her incision. Hannah shrugged, and offered an insincere smile of apology, to which Emily could only laugh. Even though she was riding with Aria, Emily turned and pulled her into a hug as well, unsurprisingly finding it as warm and reassuring as the other girl's presence had been all afternoon. She kicked herself for denying herself that earlier.

"Right. We're off." Spencer looped her arm through Hannah's and began tugging her backwards down the sidewalk.

"By girls." Hannah wiggled her fingers in a wave as she was pulled along, before turning, and tucking her arm securely through Spencer's once again.

Aria and Emily watched them go until they disappeared into the crowd.

"So, how you holding up?" Aria asked as they made their way across the street to her car. "Today go all right?"

Emily nodded. "Today was great." Aside from a few moments of awkwardness, which was to be expected, the lunch had gone amazingly well. She was glad that she had done this. But, despite all that, she was anxious to get home and wait for Paige, their plans for a quiet evening in appealing to her in a way she would never have imagined.


	13. Chapter 13

Guest: Maybe not. But I think it was an important moment for Emily.

Nyxxyn I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'm doing my best to really try and get into the minutia of what this situation is doing to Emily, so I'm glad that you're able to get inside her head with each chapter. I'm with you on the nostalgia thing. I've gone back and watched the important Paily moments more times than I can count. Yeah, it's disheartening. I've stopped reading the comment on the YouTube videos. I try and stay out of the ship wars, I have nothing against Emison fans, I just don't see that relationship the same way they do. And it's sad that some of them are reduced to name calling and bullying. Writing this story is just as much my Paily fix as it is for those of you who are reading it. So the longer it goes on, the more it helps me as well.

Guest: Don't worry, the next couple chapters are all Emily and Paige.

EP Thanks for reading, and reviewing.

Guest I think that, despite what Emily said, she knows that there's something more between her and Paige than just friends. And she's aware of how much what happened with the barista could hurt Paige. Emily's not interested in the guy, she doesn't even keep his number. But, she's still processing the whole not being into guys thing. From you suggestion, I have a scene in mind that'll push Emily's buttons, maybe get her a little jealous. I'm not entirely sure I'll be able to work it in, but I'm going to try.

Viva Don't lose hope. It's still a Paily story.

Ale There will definitely be more interactions with the girls as the story progresses. I agree, she probably would feel some jealousy. And, I think she knows, deep down that she's not really single, but she still has a ways to go before she gets to that point.

Guest More of all of it, in due time. Thank you for reading. I'm glad I could keep you entertained.

Guest Don't worry, Paily conversations are upcoming. But I don't know if/when Emily will start to remember.

 **Chapter 13**

Emily had some time to kill between when Aria dropped her off and Paige was due to arrive home. And as the last couple of days had proven, she wasn't very good at sitting idle. Even though she was kind of worn out, she couldn't seem to settle. She tried putting on a movie, but found herself getting restless within the first half hour. Her thoughts were on the box upstairs, the contents of which she couldn't wait to get a peek at, the evening ahead of her and, even though she didn't want to be dwelling on it, the conversation with the girls at lunch.

She couldn't stop thinking about what Spencer had said, that she shouldn't stay with Paige out of obligation. She didn't believe that was the case, but what if it was true? What if her attachment to Paige was simply because the other woman was in charge of taking care of her, and helping her with her recovery? Was she confusing feelings with gratitude? Was she preventing herself from exploring options for herself solely because she was worried about hurting Paige's feelings? They were valid questions, she supposed, but considering them made Emily uncomfortable.

She didn't want to think that she was using Paige, or stringing her along. She might not be ready to date yet, but as tough as it was to envision, she would be someday. And when that day came, she didn't want to be flirting with baristas or dragged out to clubs or bars to make conversation with random strangers. She didn't want her friends and relatives setting her up on blind dates, trying to force a connection with someone through small talk and shared interests. The whole process sounded exhausting.

Especially when she already had someone who so clearly cared about her. Who loved her, Emily forced herself to acknowledge. Paige loved her. She loved her and wanted to be with her. To take her out on dates and hold her hand kiss her and…

That's where Emily's thoughts stuttered out, at the things that came beyond the hand holding, and this kissing, which, if she were being honest, she enjoyed. As much as she tried to pretend she didn't know what the fluttery feeling in her stomach or the warmth that coursed through her was, deep down she knew.

She had felt it before, years ago, even if it didn't feel like all that long ago. That nervous excitement she attributed to making a new friend, the desire to be near them, to make them like her. The way she got tongue tied, trying to be cool or funny as she tried to impress them.

It was more than just her being a shy kid pleased to finally find someone she felt comfortable around. She hadn't realized it at the time, or more likely refused to acknowledge it, because the feelings were directed towards the "wrong" gender.

They had been crushes, there wasn't much point in denying it now. Even if the knowledge made her feel hot and uncomfortably fuzzy all over. And, she was crushing once again, this time on Paige. Only, this time it was much more intense than anything she had experienced back then. Or, maybe it just felt that way, because this was the first time she could acknowledge it for what it was. But, knowing what it was, finally being able to say the words, at least, in her own mind, in no way made her ready to do anything about it. She certainly wasn't ready to act on her feelings.

Beyond what she already had, at least. The hand holding had felt really nice. And, the kissing had too. Paige's lips were so soft, and she had been so gentle. Emily's lips had tingled for ages, after they'd pulled apart. But, she wasn't ready for any more than that.

She didn't know if she would ever be ready for more than that. Right now, it seemed impossible that she would ever feel comfortable with the more physical stuff that being in a relationship entailed.

But, she couldn't just dismiss the notion of being with Paige. Not when it felt like there was something real between them. A connection. One she wanted to develop, not sever, but Spencer's words kept ringing as a warning in her ears. A reminder that her own struggle affected other people as well. Affected Paige. She had the power to hurt Paige, deeply. And the longer she took to sort out her feelings, the greater that hurt would be.

The last thing Emily wanted to do was hurt Paige. Even now, sitting here on this couch, all she wanted was to share a nice evening with her. When her thoughts weren't racing away in confusion, they were contemplating what she could do to make the evening special, to show Paige that she cared about and appreciated her.

That wasn't the thought process of someone who was just using another person, or fulfilling an obligation, was it? Or, maybe she was just rationalizing, trying to reason away things she should be facing.

Sighing, she ran a hand through her hair in frustration. These thoughts were getting her nowhere. She should just put them aside, and focus on things that she could actually do something about. Like doing something special for Paige.

But what? If she were mobile, she would cook her dinner. Have her favorite meal on the table for her when she came home. Then the two of them could sit, and Paige could talk about her day, venting all her frustrations while Emily listened.

It wasn't much of a plan, but it was a start. Emily might not be able to cook, but there were quite a few restaurants in town that delivered, and Paige had those apps on her phone. Surely her favorites were saved in there, and Emily could at least provide a good meal

It didn't take long for Emily to scroll through Paige's phone, finding an app for The Apple Rose Grill, which sure enough, had a short list of the most commonly ordered meals. Recognizing her own instantly, it was easy to deduce which ones were Paige's, and with a simple click of her thumb she ordered dinner for both of them.

Setting the table was a little more problematic, but she managed, getting it done just as she heard a car pull in the driveway. She peeked out the side window and saw Paige pulling up. Congratulating herself on her perfect timing, she grabbed a beer from the fridge and made her way to the living room, making it to the front door just as Paige stepped through.

"Hey, Em." She smiled brightly as she tossed her briefcase onto the floor and shucked off her jacket, but she looked tired. He eyes lacked their usual sparkle and shine, and there were lines of tension at the corners of her mouth. Emily hoped that it was all to do with her day at work, and not with the events of last night. She really wanted to just put that behind them and move forward.

"Hey. How was the rest of your day?" Emily handed Paige the beer, chuckling to herself a little at the way Paige's eyes lit up a little at the sight of it, as she reached for it eagerly. She knew it was a good call.

"You are a godsend," she said, raising the bottle to her lips and taking a long pull. Emily watched her throat work as she swallowed, before tearing her gaze away, staring down at the floor as she tried to cool the blush she could feel heating her cheeks. The smooth, pale skin of Paige's throat should not be so enticing, or induce any sort of reaction. She pursed her lips, trying to quell the tingling feeling and the fleeting thought of pressing them against the shifting muscles.

She raised her gaze as Paige let out a satisfied sigh. The bottle now hung loosely in Paige's hand, half-empty, and Paige stood uncertainly in front of her, arms out to the side, just a bit, halfway into the universal signal for a hug as her eyes darted quickly to Emily's face, to her lips. But they fell back to her sides before she could follow through, then she reflexively brought the bottle back up to her lips.

Emily's heart sank as she realized that Paige was hesitant to touch her. That the greeting she had so looked forward to, a hug and a kiss on the cheek, was no longer available. All because of her stupid, impulsive actions last night.

"You look exhausted," she said, brushing past the moment to reach out and gently tug at Paige's elbow, guiding her into the room. "Come sit down. Relax."

Paige allowed herself to be directed to the couch, though she hesitated before sinking down into it. "If I sit down, I don't know if I'll be able to get back up again," she said, looking torn as she glanced down at the couch, and then back towards the kitchen. Emily felt the tug on her heartstrings at Paige's internal dilemma. And, while she appreciated that Paige was so caring, it worried her how quickly she was willing to put Emily's well-being before her own.

"I've ordered dinner, it should be here shortly, so you don't have to worry about that."

"Em-"

"You've had a long day, the last thing you need is to be on your feet, cooking for me."

"But, I like cooking for you."

"I know," Emily said, rubbing her shoulder soothingly. "And I had a wonderful breakfast this morning that was a testament to that. You take such good care of me. Let me do the same for you."

Paige hesitated for a moment, then sank slowly down onto the couch with a soft sigh. She slumped against the arm rest, her head falling back into the cushions behind her. Emily settled in beside her, close enough that their knees were touching as she angled herself towards Paige.

"Want to talk about it?"

"No." Paige's head lolled towards her and she offered up a lazy smile. "I don't want to waste any more time, any of our time thinking about it."

"Okay." Emily nodded, and bit back a smile as Paige, despite her words just a moment ago, launched into a lengthy rant about her boss. A lot of what came out of her mouth was a disjointed mess, sentences in fits and starts, stumbled over words and incomplete thoughts punctuated by lots of sighs and growls. Emily did her best to follow, but mostly just nodded and rubbed Paige's knee soothingly. Right now it was more important for Paige to just get her frustrations out than it was for Emily to have a clear picture of what was bothering her.

As she talked, Paige relaxed, slumping further and further down on the couch until Emily worried she would slide right off. She grabbed Paige's legs and tugged them across her own lap. Paige grunted in surprise at the sudden movement, but didn't fight it, allowing Emily to reposition her so she was lying along the length of the couch. Once she had resettled, she continued with her rant, while Emily continued to gently run a hand up and down her leg. Gradually, her words slowed, the sentences smoothing out enough that Emily could follow along, until finally she ran out of steam.

"Sorry," Paige said once she had finished. "I didn't mean to unload on you. I just…It's just…"

"It's okay. You needed to get it off your chest. And that's what I'm here for. Do you feel any better?"

"Yeah." She offered up a sheepish smile. "I kind of do. Thanks."

Emily didn't have any advice to offer. She didn't know if she normally would in this situation, though Paige seemed content now to just sit with her and sip her beer. She didn't seem to be expecting Emily to say anything.

"So, how was your day?"

"Not nearly as eventful as yours," Emily said with a laugh, which made Paige smile a little. Not her usual beaming grin but a faint upturn of her lips. "But, it was good. I went for lunch with the girls."

She felt Paige's leg tense beneath her touch at the news, the muscles staying tight despite her attempts to sooth them. Emily had known that Paige wouldn't be happy with her decision to go out, but she hoped that she could make her understand how important to her it was that she did.

"I know what you're going to say. And, I promise you I didn't do anything to strain myself, or set back my recovery, or risk a new injury. I was careful, getting ready. Just got changed, didn't shower. Aria drove. She was very careful. And all we did was sit in some little coffee shop and talk. That's it. I swear."

She chanced a glance up at Paige's face, and saw that the other woman looked torn, her brow furrowed as she bit her lip, clearly contemplating what to say.

"I can't just stay cooped up in here, all day, every day. It'll drive me crazy. And, it won't do anything to help me get better."

"Okay, Em." Paige let out a soft sigh, and offered up a weak smile. "I get it. And, I'm sorry. I just worry about you, y'know?"

Emily nodded. She did know. "It's sweet, that you do," she said, reaching out and cupping Paige's cheek, stroking it lightly with her thumb. "I'm sorry I didn't talk about it with you first. But, I knew you wouldn't like the idea, and I didn't want you to talk me out of it."

"Fair enough." Paige reached up and laid her hand over Emily's, pulling it away from her face, but not before pressing the faintest of kisses to the palm of her hand.

"How was it?"

"It was…"Emily trailed off with a sigh. "Weird. And awkward. But also, really good. I'm not making much sense, am I?"

"You're making perfect sense." Paige shot her an encouraging smile and nodded for her to go on.

"Being with them, it's strange, because there's something about it that's familiar but everything about them is new to me. I'm learning them…all over again."

She watched Paige's eyes glaze over and her gaze go far away as she contemplated Emily's words. "Weird," she said after a long moment of silence.

"Yeah. Weird," Emily said with a laugh. "Is that all you have to say on that?"

"I'm not sure there is anything more to say. Aside from being weird, how did it go? Did you have a good time?"

"Yeah," Emily said, nodding faintly. "Yeah, I think I did. They seem really great. And, I'd like to get to know them better."

She debated whether or not to tell Paige about the incident with the barista. She knew that hearing about it would only hurt Paige. Even if Emily had no interest in the guy. Or had any intention of calling him back. She knew that Paige would still worry. She would wonder if Emily secretly was interested. If she was holding back from saying anything to spare Paige's feelings. If she didn't want to explore other options. Even if all of that was the farthest thing from the truth, it would make Paige feel insecure. And it would also probably prompt her to make some grand gesture, to tell Emily that it was okay if she wanted to see what was out here, even though it would kill her to do so. She was noble like that.

Of course, if Emily didn't tell Paige, and she found out about it some other way, it would hurt her more. It would make her feel like Emily had tried to hide it from her. This really was a no-win situation.

"Something kind of weird happened when we were there," she said slowly, turning her hand in Paige's and lacing their fingers together, hoping that the contact would help anchor Paige, and make the news a little easier to hear.

Paige's eyebrows quirked up, and she looked more interested than alarmed. Emily hoped she would stay that way, though she knew that was unlikely.

"I was getting our coffees and the barista gave me his number. Wrote it on the side of the cup." As she had expected, Paige tensed at the words, hurt, and maybe a bit of fear flashing in her eyes. "The girls gave me a hard time about it. Because he was like, 12." Again with an exaggeration, though from the way Paige held herself stiffly, barely breathing, Emily knew it had gone unnoticed. "And, well, a guy," she added, remembering Hannah's comments. "It was a totally random moment. But it kind of got me thinking."

Paige's grip on her hand turned painfully tight, and she clenched her jaw, clearly preparing for the blow she believed Emily was about to deliver.

"I'm not ready to date right now. I mean, I don't even know who I am anymore. What could I even bring to a relationship at this point?"

Paige opened her mouth to protest, but Emily held up a hand, stopping her. She needed to get this out.

"But, some day, eventually, I am going to be ready to date. And, when I am…I want it to be with you." She eyed Paige, waiting for a reaction, but Paige merely blinked at her, expression unreadable. "I think I owe it to both of us to try. By all accounts we had something good."

"Something amazing," Paige corrected, her voice a low rasp.

"Something amazing," Emily allowed. "And, maybe we'll never get that back. But, maybe we'll grow something equally amazing."

"Someday. When you're ready."

"Someday. When I'm ready," Emily confirmed, studying Paige's face for a reaction.

Slowly, she broke into a grin. It crept across her features in stages, the corners of her mouth turning up gradually, the sparkle returning to her eyes, until she was full on beaming at Emily. Without a word, she surged upwards, her free hand coming to cup Emily's cheek as she pressed their lips together in a slow, gentle kiss.

It was soft, and chaste. And had Emily sighing when Paige pulled away.

"Sorry," Paige mumbled, trying to look chastened, but unable to quell her grin, or mask how utterly delighted she was in this moment.

Emily wasn't about to admonish her, however. She leaned forward, and recaptured Paige's lips with her own, sighing softly and finally letting herself feel everything she had been denying for the past few weeks. Every flutter of her heart and dip and churn in her stomach and the warmth that spread across her skin like wildfire at Paige's touch. For one brief moment she just let herself feel, no doubt, no second guessing. She knew that when they parted, all of the confusion would come rushing back. But here, in this moment, she was content.

Paige's lips moved slowly against her own, gradually deepening the kiss. Her tongue slid along Emily's bottom lip, seeking entrance, and Emily granted it, sighing softly once again as Paige's tongue flit gently against her own.

The moment was broken by the sound of the doorbell echoing through the house. The normally soft chime jarring in the quiet of this moment, startling both of them so that they jerked apart, startled.

"Probably for the best," Paige said, her breathing quick and heavy, as she slid of Emily's lap and turned to help her to her feet. "That wasn't exactly taking things slow."

She made sure that Emily was steady on her crutches before turning and making her way to the door. She had already paid the delivery guy by the time Emily got there. She didn't protest, even though this was supposed to be Emily's treat to Paige. She knew that for Paige, it was a point of pride to be able to take care of others, to take care of Emily. So she let her have this one, saying nothing as she trailed Paige into the kitchen and slid into the chair she held out for her with a smile of thanks.

"Okay, so let me make sure I have this straight," Paige said as she began to unpack the food. "We're not together."

"No."

"And, you don't know if you'll ever be ready for us to be together."

"Correct."

"But, you don't want to date other people in the meantime."

For the first time, Emily realized how selfish of her it was, assuming Paige would wait for something that might never happen. "Is that okay?"

Paige nodded. "It's perfect. The less I have to worry about you dating some random you met at Starbucks, the better."

"We weren't at Starbucks," Emily said with a roll of her eyes. "And, I told you. He was just a kid."

"Yeah, but the next one might not be just some kid. The next one might be age appropriate."

"The next one?" Emily scoffed and shook her head, unable to hold back a light laugh at the thought.

"Yeah, Em. The next one. You're gorgeous. Don't pretend that you're not aware of that. You turn heads everywhere you go."

Emily knew that it wasn't meant to be a compliment, Paige was simply stating a fact, but that didn't stop the blush from creeping across her cheeks at the thought that Paige thought she was pretty.

"And it never used to bother me, because I knew that no matter how many flirty smiles you got, you were coming home to me. But now…"

Now Paige had no such reassurances. That's what was left unsaid.

"What about you? Are you telling me that you don't get offers?" Emily let her gaze travel up and down Paige's form to emphasise her words. She looked good. She always did, but there was something about seeing her in her dress clothes, tailored pants and blouses, that was particularly eye catching.

Emily didn't know much about the people she worked with, but she was sure Paige tuned heads in the office, and when she went out to lunch or coffee, or even just walking down the street.

"The difference between me and you is, I'm not the one struggling to figure out my sexuality."

Emily struggled not to wince at the blunt way that Paige stated the situation. It was one thing to think in terms of being with Paige, or not being with Paige. Of how it felt to hold her hand, how her heart fluttered when Paige smiled at her, or raced when she kissed her. It was a whole other thing to consider what that meant, what that made Emily.

Her mind still refused to conjure up the words. Never mind being able to speak them aloud.

Seeming to realize she had struck a nerve, Paige murmured a soft apology as she settled into her own seat. "I'm just saying, I'm not the one who's confused here. I know where I stand. But I meant what I said yesterday. If all you can handle is a friendship, I can handle that. You're not going to lose me if you-"

"That's not what this is about," Emily interrupted, reaching out and giving what she hoped was a reassuring squeeze to Paige's hand. She was rewarded with a soft smile and a gentle squeeze. "So, really, is this okay?" Emily asked.

"This?" Paige turned her hand in Emily's and laced their fingers together. "This is perfect." She grinned impishly as Emily shook her head. "And so is the rest of it. I'm not going anywhere, Em. I meant what I said about being your friend. But that doesn't mean I won't jump at the chance at having something more." If possible, her grin got wider and more mischievous. "I'm going to win you over, so hard."

Emily tried to hold eye contact, but couldn't, and ended up ducking her head as a blush heated her cheeks. "Shut up and eat your dinner."

Paige chuckled, and squeezed her hand as she picked up her fork with her other hand, and fumbled with it, trying to position it so she could eat with her left hand rather than release her grip on Emily. As much as Emily felt like she should pull away, and let Paige eat comfortably, it was just too cute to watch so she let her be.


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's Note:** I am terribly sorry for the length of time that has passed between chapters. It wasn't my intention to make you wait so long. I got hit with writer's block about halfway through the chapter and then life stuff kept getting in the way of continuing. And then, when I finally did complete the chapter, I found myself locked out of my fanfiction account because I couldn't remember the email or password I had used. After many, many attempts, I am back in now.

I sincerely apologize. And I hope that it doesn't deter any of you from continuing to read.

I have read all of your reviews for the last chapter, but unfortunately have not had a chance to reply to any of them directly. And, for that I am also sorry. I promise I will continue to do so in the future. But, even though I haven't responded, I appreciate you taking the time and effort to leave me a comment so very much. You guys are awesome and I don't know what I'd do without you.

And now, on to some Paily.

 **Chapter 1** 4

The rest of dinner passed pleasantly, a mix of idle conversation and comfortable silences. They talked more about Paige's day and Emily's lunch with the girls, in between casting sidelong glances at each other, smiling and looking hastily away whenever they got caught. When they were finished eating, Paige cleaned up, loading the dirty dishes into the dishwasher and quickly wiping down the table, gently brushing aside all of Emily's offers to help. Once their dinner mess was tucked away, Emily settled on the couch in the living room while Paige headed upstairs. A couple of thuds and some banging around later she returned, clad more comfortably now in a pair of capri sweatpants and a tank top, two boxes balanced easily in her arms as she made her way down the stairs. If Emily had thought Paige looked good dressed for work, it was nothing compared to how she looked now, in a pair of low-slung pants that showed off her shapely calves and a form fitting tank top that hinted at the firm abs beneath them, and left little else about her body to the imagination. For one thing, it showed off the strong set of her shoulders, and the way the muscles in her arms tensed under the weight of the boxes. But that was the least intriguing part to Emily, who couldn't tear her eyes away from Paige's torso, and the fact that it was obvious she wasn't wearing a bra.

If Paige notice her staring, she didn't let on as she crossed the room and dropped the boxes onto the coffee table with a thud. She let out a soft groan and shook out her arms as she circled the table and took a seat next to Emily.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" she asked, but Emily was already leaning forward to pull the top box towards herself. "Guess that answers that." She laughed lightly as Emily popped the top off and eagerly pulled out the first item, a baby's-first book. The cover was a light pink, with a cartoon stork carrying a little bundle in its beak. It was a bit dainty for Emily's tastes, and certainly incongruent with Paige, but that didn't stop her from cooing over it, which made blush and duck her head.

"My parents, well my mom especially, was pretty stoked to find out they were having a girl." She nodded towards the book in Emily's hands. "She went the whole nine yards, with the pretty, frilly dresses and….you'll see," she added with a laugh as Emily opened the cove and got her first glimpse of baby Paige, which was clearly taken in the hospital. She was loosely wrapped in a light pink blanket, one am and part of a foot sticking out, her baby bracelet visible on her ankle. Her eyes were open and clear.

"Aww, look at your hair." The shock of light blond hair was done up in a faux-hawk.

"My dad." Paige nodded towards the photo. "My mom was asleep when he had the nurse take the picture. Apparently when she woke up and saw it, she was pissed."

"I think it's cute."

Paige rolled her eyes as Emily scanned the rest of the photos on the page, the usual assortment of first baby photos, she gathered, based on her own albums from that age, and what she remembered from some of the other family photos she had seen. Several of Paige sleeping, a couple of her awake in her mother's (Emily assumed) arms, first bath, first feeding, sitting up, crawling, standing with the aid of a table, standing on her own. Through it all, Emily saw what Paige had meant about her mom going all out. Every photo featured baby Paige in something pink, frilly or lacy. There were several with some kind of bonnet.

The images were so far removed from the Paige she knew. Not just the age difference, but the clothes themselves. They just didn't fit in with the things Emily had seen her wearing. Even when she was done up for work she tended to stick with tailored pants over skirts or dresses, and the few Emily had seen her wear were much more demure. Simple black or navy, paired with a blouse. Nothing flashy. Feminine but not overtly so.

"You were such a cute baby," she said, turning the page. "You're cheeks though…." Chubby was an understatement. "I just want to…" she trailed off and mimed pinching them.

"Trust me, I know. It took years for me to lose that layer of baby fat. I still have traumatic memories of distant aunts and random strangers coming at me."

Emily laughed as Paige gave an exaggerated shudder. "Ahh. Poor girl." Unable to resist, Emily reached up and tweaked Paige's cheeks, which were much leaner than those in the pictures, but just as soft and smooth as she imagined them to be.

Growling, Paige slapped her hands away, but she was fighting a smile, Emily could tell by the way she pursed her lips, pushing the corners of her mouth down so they wouldn't turn up. Emily smirked to let Paige know she was being transparent and turned her attention back to the photo album. She flipped through the pictures slowly, watching Paige grow up before her very eyes. Emily bore witness to every questionable fashion trend, every embarrassing home done haircut, every awkward growth spurt and lost tooth, broken limb and momentous occasion.

She watched as slowly, young Paige shed that layer of baby-fat that had made her such an adorable infant, as well as some of the frillier dresses, her clothing slowly morphing into something more resembling her current style, sort of tomboy-chic.

Paige's face was beet red, but her smile was irrepressible and her laughter was genuine every time Emily teased her about a picture. And she readily indulged her every time she pointed to a picture and said, "tell me about this."

By the time Emily got to the end of the album, she felt like she had been there for every t-ball game and fishing trip and church picnic. It was certainly an insight into the woman Paige had become, each story a small piece of the patchwork that had made her who she was today.

She closed the album and tossed it onto the coffee table, then eagerly reached into the box for the next one. She pulled it out, but before she could settle it into her lap, Paige gently removed it from her hands.

"I thought you said you got rid of all the embarrassing stuff." She leaned around Paige to grab the book, but her fingers barely grazed it before it was pushed out of her reach.

"I did. There's nothing embarrassing," she said, setting the book on the cushion beside her, out of Emily's reach..

"Then why won't you let me look at it?"

"Because there's nothing interesting in it."

Her tone was too casual, her posture stiff and guarded despite her words and Emily's interest was immediately piqued.

"Why don't you let me be the judge of that?"

"Em, come on. There's like, a million other albums to go through." Paige leaned forward and began rifling through the box. As soon as her attention was diverted, Emily reached around behind her and snagged the other album. She had it open before Paige even realized what she'd done.

"Hey." Paige tried to pull it off her lap, but Emily held tight.

"What is in here that's so bad you don't want me to see?" she asked, staring down at the collage of photos on the first page, all benign from what she could tell, a middle school grad portrait and a couple of blurry shots of a stage, what Emily presumed to her graduation ceremony.

"I mean, I've already seen chicken pox, that awful bowl haircut when you were five and the green food coloring incident."

"Like I said, there's nothing bad in there. It's just boring stuff." Paige gave the book another tug but Emily held firm, pulling it back and out of Paige's grip before turning away from her, shielding the book with her body as she hunched over it, rapidly flipping through the photos to find what it was that Paige was trying so hard to prevent her from seeing.

"Emily." Paige tugged at her shoulder, trying to turn her around and Emily swatted her away. "Em." The whine in her voice was almost enough to make Emily relent. Almost. And when she glanced over her shoulder and caught the wide eyed pout on her face it tugged further at her resolve. But her adamance wasn't as moving as Emily's curiosity. Offering up an apologetic smile, she turned her attention back to the photo album.

"Hey." She squirmed and elbowed Paige, who had reached around her, leaning against her back in an attempt to pull the book from her hands. They struggled for a moment, but Emily won out, moving the book just beyond Paige's reach. She ignored the tug on her shoulder as she flipped to the next page, and then all the fight went out of her as her own smiling image stared up at her. A soft sigh of surprise let her lips as she sagged back into Paige, who was still kneeling on the couch behind her. The hands which she had moment ago been grappling with now ran soothingly up and down her arms as Paige repositioned herself until she was leaning against the arm of the couch and cradling Emily against her.

Her vision blurred and then sharpened, her focus returning to the photo.

"Em."

She shook her head, waving off Paige's concern even as her emotions swirled and she struggled to understand her reaction. It wasn't like this was the first photo she had seen of herself and Paige in the house. And there was physical evidence of their relationship all over the walls. But, they were adults in all of those images. And Emily still wasn't entirely connected to that version of herself. When she looked at those pictures, it was a little bit like she was looking at someone else. Like she was staring at some woman she closely resembled, not herself. But this photo, the one staring up at her, for some reason this one hit home. Maybe it was because she looked to be about the same age that she felt, mentally. Though she didn't remember it being taken, so it had to be some time later.

The photo was of her and Paige, they were both dressed up, Emily in a dark blue dress with a plunging neckline and long, loose-flowing curls and Paige in a white shirt with a vest and tie, her hair done up in a complicated looking braid. They were sitting next to each other, leaning in and smiling at the camera. Paige had one arm around Emily's shoulder, her other hand linked with Emily's on the table in front of them. A blue and white corsage rested on Emily's wrist. They were clearly on a date. A school dance, if the out of focus crowd of people in suits and dresses gathered around a punch bowl beneath what looked like a basketball hoop was any indication.

"Emily…"

She heard Paige's voice, but the words she was saying were lost to the buzzing in her head as her gaze poured over the photo. She took in what they were wearing, her dress and her jewelry…and the corsage. Paige had gotten her a corsage. She had a fleeting image of Paige showing up at her house, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot, one hand stuffed deep into her pants pocket, the other with a death grip on the little plastic corsage box as she presented it to Emily. Her expression a mixture of eager, excited and uncertain. Her fingers fumbling as she opened the box and pulled the corsage out, her touch trembling as she slid it over Emily's wrist. Emily's own heart thrumming in her chest, her emotions a confusing mix as she took in the beautiful girl dressed sharply in a suite smiling back at her.

How long had they been together at this point? Had Pam made a big fuss about them going to the dance together, taking photos and exclaiming tearfully over how grown up her little girl was? Or was she still resisting her daughter's sexuality? Was she holed up in another room somewhere, silently fuming that her daughter was going out with another girl?

"This was probably our first real, public date. We'd been together for a while, maybe a month." Paige's voice was low and soothing as it cut through the confusion in Emily's head. "This was the first time your mom let me into the house. Without your dad around to make her, at least. She was…reluctant. But, as she hovered by the stairs, watching me watch you walk down them…I think she was moved."

Emily leaned back into Paige and tilted her head, angling it to get a glimpse of her face as she spoke.

"What do you mean?"

Paige's cheeks tinted pink, and Emily couldn't help but grin a little.

"When you walked down the stairs in that dress, my jaw dropped. Literally." She huffed a laugh, her cheeks darkening. "You smirked at me, and told me wipe the drool." Paige mimed wiping her chin with a wry grin and Emily wasn't sure whether to laugh or apologize. "Which I did, like an idiot."

Emily did laugh at that. She could actually picture it.

"And then you told me I looked beautiful, and you took my hand and kissed my cheek."

Emily nodded, glad that she had complimented Paige that night, because she did look beautiful. And, that was just in the picture, which she was sure didn't do her justice.

"And, I guess for a moment we both forgot she was in the room. I gave you your corsage, and told you that you looked stunning, and how much I was looking forward to the dance and how glad I was that you were going with me." Paige's voice hitched, her words thick with emotion despite the smile on her face. "I think it was probably one of the best moments of my life, just then. After everything I had been through to get to the point where I wasn't only comfortable, but excited, to take you out on a date and everything we had been through, as a couple it was…just a really great night. I think we both cried a little."

"And then your mom stepped up and asked us to pose for some pictures. Y'know the cheesy school prom photos?"

Emily nodded even though she didn't actually know. The only school dances she remembered going to had been in middle school and she had never gone with a date.

"And I think that was the turning point for her. When she really started to put forth an effort and you guys started getting along better."

Emily nodded, her own throat thick with emotion and rendering her unable to speak. It sounded like a beautiful moment, and she was sad that she didn't remember it. But there was something about hearing it through the filter of Paige's experience that made it even more special.

"Tell me about that night," she said, shifting to settle more comfortably against Paige's chest.

"Well, we went out to dinner before the dance. This little French place off route six that's closed now."

"Awww." Emily felt a pang that she would never get to revisit the site of their first date.

"Oh, no. No aww. That place was horrible. I'd made the reservation online, because the place seemed fancy and sophisticated when I'd driven by. But it was a dive. The service was terrible and the food was…questionable. I ordered chicken but it didn't taste like any chicken I had ever eaten before. And you…" Paige trailed off with a laugh. "You had one semester of French under your belt and decided to try and impress me by not reading the English translations on the menu."

"Oh, no." Emily could tell where this was going by the sheer amusement in Paige's voice.

"Oh, yes. You ended up with cows tongue, or something equally disgusting. But, you didn't want to admit that you weren't as good at French as you'd claimed and you tried to eat it anyway."

"Oh, God." Emily gagged at the thought of it, her stomach rebelling dangerously.

"Uh-huh." Paige's hand slid beneath the hem of Emily's shirt and skimmed soothingly along her skin, the action calming the revolt almost instantly, but stirring up another sort of roiling instead.

"You spent probably half an hour in the bathroom throwing up. And every time I tried to come in and hold your hair back or bring you water you yelled at me to get out."

Emily's face flushed with embarrassment, both at what had happened and her behaviour.

"Which I wasn't entirely upset about. Because, puking makes me puke. And if you'd let me come in, then we both would have been throwing up. But, I was so afraid that you were going to break up with me then and there. It was the first time since we got together for real that we had gone out. It wasn't just a movie at my house, or sitting on your front porch talking. It was an honest to goodness date. And I was screwing it up."

"What, Paige no." Emily laid a hand over the one on her stomach, stilling her movements as she stroked her thumb over Paige's knuckles. "You didn't screw anything up."

"That's what you said that night too. After several glasses of water and a couple sticks of gum. You said the crummy restaurant wasn't my fault. And it was sweet that I'd put in so much effort. And if anything it was your own fault for being stubborn and ordering a dish you didn't recognize."

Emily narrowed her eyes and playfully turned her gaze on Paige. 'Did I really say that? That doesn't sound like something I would say."

Paige's eyes widened and she gulped before stammering out a reply.

"Hey, easy. I'm kidding. I'm kidding."

Paige growled and pinched her lightly. Emily squirmed and smacked her leg in response.

"Continue."

"Now, where was I. Oh yeah, you so graciously accepted part of the blame for our so far horrendous first date, and suggested we head to the dance. We got back in my car and headed back into town. We were almost to the school when your stomach started growling. Like, full on roaring. It sounded like you had a beast in there." Paige patted her stomach in emphasis.

"My stomach. Or yours?"

"Yours. Definitely yours." But, Paige's grin when Emily tilted her head to peer up at her gave her away. "Okay. Mine. But, you said you were hungry too. Neither one of us had much dinner. So, we stopped at McDonalds and got burgers, fries and milkshakes."

Emily laughed at the imagery, the two of them dressed to the nines and eating dinner in those uncomfortable plastic seats in the fast food restaurant.

"And, you fought me over who should pay for dinner. Although eventually you let me win." Paige sounded proud of that fact. Something which should not surprise Emily in the least. She knew how much Paige liked taking care of her. She could only imagine it had been the same back then.

"And how was dinner?" Emily teased, though she suspected she knew the answer. Despite it lacking the trappings of a fancy restaurant, she bet it was one of the best meals they'd ever shared, it being their first one out together on a real date.

"Good. It was really good." A soft smile played across Paige's lips as she recalled it. "After dinner, we headed to the dance. We were like half an hour late by that point, so everyone was already there. It felt a little bit like being in a fishbowl, walking in with your hand in mine. I'm pretty sure my heart stopped beating. And I swore up and down everyone was staring at us. I had a bit of a panic attack," Paige admitted ruefully. "I thought I was ready, that I didn't care about being out in public and then it actually came down to showing up somewhere with you and I couldn't handle it."

"But, clearly you did," Emily tried to sooth "I mean, look at this picture. We look so happy here."

Paige's gaze went to the photo in front of them. "Yeah. Yeah we do. We were." She cleared her throat and nodded. "You calmed me down. You pulled me back out into the hallway and asked me if I wanted to go. You told me that if I wasn't ready we could go back to your house and watch a movie. That it didn't change your feelings for me, or that we were together. But, I was tired of hanging out at one of our houses and I had been looking forward to going to the dance with you. So I said no, we were here and I wanted to stay. You asked me if I was sure. And I said I was."

Emily smiled at that, though her smile quickly turned into a frown. How was it she had managed to be so confide at sixteen, and so unsure of herself now? She had been waffling over her feelings surrounding Paige and her sexuality for weeks now, and she was no closer to resolving them now as she had been immediately after the accident. But her younger self, the self that she felt most connected to, hadn't suffered any of the same hesitancy or uncertainty. She had known she wanted Paige and she hadn't been afraid what anyone else thought about it. She had stood up to her own mother, had risked their relationship to be with Paige. She had walked proudly into the school gym with Paige's hand in her own with no regard to how her classmates might react.

Yet, she knew she wouldn't be able to do the same thing now, if it were requested of her. What was wrong with her?

"So, we walked back into the gym, hand in hand." Paige's voice pulled her from her musings. "And, despite my paranoia, I don't think anybody was looking at us. We hung out with your friends. We drank watered down punch. We laughed. We danced."

"Did we slow dance?" Emily asked that instead of what she really wanted, which was, did they kiss, at the dance, in front of their classmates.

Instead of answering, she turned the page of the photo album to a photo of them slow dancing. Paige's arms were around Emily's waist, her hands resting just a bit shy of respectfully on her lower back. Though Emily doubted she had minded at the time. Emily's arms were wound around Paige's neck and her head was resting on her shoulder. Her eyes were closed, but Paige's were open, and gazing lovingly down at her.

"Aria can be a little creepy with her camera sometimes," Paige said, clearly a little unsettled at having such an intimate moment captured on film. "But, I'm glad to have this photo. It was the last song of the night. And, when it was over, you thanked me for a perfect night. And kissed me."

Emily nodded. By all accounts, it did sound like a pretty perfect night. All mishaps aside. Or, maybe even because of them. She was sorry she didn't remember. Sorry she wasn't in a place to suggest recreating the moments (well, some of them anyway.) But, she was glad that Paige had these photos. And glad that she had gotten a recounting of this night.

She didn't know what to say, but Paige didn't seem to require her to say anything. She appeared content to just sit in silence. There were more photos to look at. They had only made it about halfway through the album, but Emily wasn't sure she could handle any more tonight. From Paige's reaction to the book earlier, Emily suspected that the rest of the photos were of them, from various moments in their relationship. And as curious as she was, she was still processing what she had learned tonight.

In a good way. At least she thought so.

"Thank you, for tonight," she whispered into the comfortable silence that had settled. "For everything. I know you say that it's nothing," she continued, speaking over Paige as she started to protest. "That it isn't really a choice, it's just what you want to do. But, there are couples who have broken up over way less. You sticking by me like this, it's….something special. You, Ms. McCullers, are something special."

Paige didn't say anything, though Emily heard her swallow hard and her grip tightened around Emily's waist. Clearly she was moved by the words. Emily only wished that she were able to say the ones that Paige really wanted to hear. That she loved her. That she was ready for a real relationship with her.

Once again she found herself wondering if she was doing the right thing. Was she making the right decision, in asking Paige to wait for her? In expecting Paige to ignore her feelings and put her life on hold until Emily was ready to reciprocate them? Something that there was no guarantee of happening?

Perhaps she was being selfish in wanting Paige to help her through her memory loss and adjusting to her adult life. Would the smarter, kinder course of action be to let Paige got, send her on her way?

Logic told her that it was, the pain in her chest at the mere thought of it told her that even if it was the right thing to do, she would never be able to say those words. Right or wrong, she needed Paige beside her.

The light kiss that Paige pressed to the top of her head that had Emily's eyes fluttering shut only compounded her confusion. Because she knew that Paige wouldn't have it any other way. She would take it as the ultimate betrayal if Emily tried to set her free of all this. Even though it shouldn't be, Emily found the thought comforting.

Emily was beat. And, if the way Paige's jaw was popping every couple minutes as she yawned, she was too. But, she wasn't inclined to move. She was comfortable, stretched out on the couch in Paige's arms and if Paige wasn't going to make her get up, she wasn't going to do so on her own accord. It seemed Paige shared a similar sentiment, as she reached for the remote and turned on the tv. She flipped channels for a few minutes before settling on something. Emily didn't even bother opening her eyes to see what it was. She didn't care. And she doubted Paige did either.

In the back of her mind she acknowledged that switching on the television was just a safeguard against awkwardness in the morning when they woke up, curled together on the couch. They would be able to fall back on the excuse that they had fallen asleep while watching a movie rather than face the reality that they both desired to fall asleep in each other's arms, but Emily just wasn't ready to deal with that. It was sad, in a way, that they had to resort to such subterfuge, but Emily was grateful that Paige was willing to play along. She burrowed in against Paige's chest and let herself drift off to the gentle rasp of Paige's breathing and the security of arms wrapped snugly around her waist.


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Note:** Thank you, to everyone who stuck with this story despite my lengthy absence. Hopefully, I will be able to return to the once a week (or therabouts) schedule I had with my previous Paily fic.

This chapter is not the chapter I set out to write, but I hope you enjoy it anyway.

Also, please excuse any spelling mistakes. My spell-check crapped out on me, and despite a couple edits, I'm sure that I've missed a few mistakes.

Nyxxyn: Thank you, for your understanding. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter.

Guest: Whether or not Emily gets her memories back, I think she'll realize it soon.

Guest: Thank you. I'm glad you think so. I'm glad you liked the chapter, and the way Paige took Emily through their first date. Thank you, for reading and for reviewing.

Ale: Thank you for reading. And reviewing. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. They are getting more comforrtable around each other, especially Emily, which I think will help in things progressing for them.

Guest: Welcome to the story. I'm glad you decided to give it a shot.

Jaz Thank you. I'm glad that you're enjoying it. And I hope that you continue to.

Guest: Thank you.

Guest Thanks. And, you and me both. Writer's block sucks.

 **Chapter 15**

Emily had known that falling asleep on the couch with Paige was a bad idea. Not only was it a cramped space for two people that would undoubtedly leave one, or both of them with aching muscles, there would also be the morning after awkwardness to deal with. The uncomfortable feeling of too much intimacy mixed with the reluctance to break it. She had known that, even as she drifted off to sleep last night.

But, she hadn't expected this.

Both of them had shifted at some point during the night. Emily now lay on her side, wedged between Paige's body and the back of the couch, her head resting on Paige's shoulder as the rest of her body twisted around Emily like a pretezel. Emily couldn't tell where her body ended, and Paige's began.

Except for Paige's hand. She could definitely feel Paige's hand as it inched up her torso, beneath the fabric of her t-shirt. Her breath caught in her throat as rough, calloused fingers dragged lightly across her stomach. She watched in tredpiation, and fascination, as her stomach dipped at the touch, the muscles quivering lightly. Her heart beat rapidly,fiercely, in her chest and she was almost suprised she couldn't see its pulsing as she stared down at her own body. Paige stirred in her sleep, her hand slipping higher, sliding along the curve of her ribs, and Emily was torn between hoping she would wake up, and wishing she would not.

Every inch of Emily's body was on fire, nerve endings tingling with anticpation, with fear. Her stomach rolled with an uncertainty that left her feeling nauseous, even as she arched subtly towards the touch, willing Paige's hand to move higher. She didn't understand how it was possible to want two opposing things simultanously.

Slowly Paige's hand crept higher, the tips of her fingers brushing the underside of Emily's breast. She bit her lip to stiffle a moan so as not to wake Paige even as her heart rate picked up and she twitched away from the contact. Paige stirred, and murmured softly, but remained sleeping. Emily let out a sigh that was equal parts disapointment and relief.

She couldn't believe she was allowing this. It was wrong on so many levels. If Paige were to wake up now, she'd be embarrassed and devestated. She'd feel like she had taken advantage of Emily. Yet Emily could not bring herself to stop Paige's hand as it slid upwards, both of them letting out a soft sigh as it reached it's destination, and cupped around Emily's breast.

Goosebumps broke out across her skin and she shivered. The feeling, as Paige's hand twitched lightly in sleep, gently kneading, was unparralleled to anything Emily had ever felt before. The touch reverberated through her entire body, radiating out through her limbs, before finally settling low in her bit her lip against a second, much louder moan. Her breathing slowly growing ragged as Paige's touch made Emily ache in a way that was both unfamiliar and timeless.

It was wrong. It was so wrong. But, Emily was helpless to do anything but submit to the feelings washing over her. She had never wanted anything more than she wanted Paige go to on touching her right now. And, it was terrifying.

Is this was she was missing, in choosing not to commit to a relationship?

Any further thoughts on the matter were thwarted when Paige stirred again in her sleep. She peeked up at Paige's face and saw her eyes fluttering open.

On an instinct that Emily couldn't really explain she slammed her eyes closed, feigning sleep as Paige woke. She willed her heart to stop beating and struggled to slow her breathing as she both felt and heard Paige take in in a sharp breath. She felt Paige tense, and then slowly remove her hand from Emily's breast. A shiver coursed through her as Paige's fingers dragged lightly across her skin as she pulled her hand out from beneath her shirt. The action was both a dissapointment and a relief.

Moving slowly, gently so as not to wake her, Paige untangled their bodies. Emily felt the couch cushions dip as Paige shifted away from her and heard the deep, aggravated sigh. The room was quiet, save for the unsteady rasp of Paige's breathing. Emily fought to keep her own breathing deep and even, to not let on that she was awake, that she had been the entire time. Especially as he felt her skin tingle with the memory of Paige's touch, and the weight of her gaze. The couch cushions shifted again, as Paige moved again. Emily expected her to rise from the couch, but it seemed all she had done was reposition herself.

Curiosity got the better of her and Emily pried her eyes open to find Paige sitting on the edge of the couch, head in her hands. The lines of tension in her body were obvious, even in the dull early monring light that filtered through the blinds.

Without even thinking about whether or not her actions were wise, Emily reached out and laid a hand on Paige's back. "Morning." She winced at how hoarse her own voice sounded, and hoped that Paige wouldn't be able to pick up on it. Or at least, wouldn't make the connection as to why.

Paige tensed under her touch, and then jumped to her feet. "I'm going to go grab a shower." She didn't even glance at Emily as she spoke, the comment was directed to the floor beneath her feet. Without waiting for a response she turned and headed for the stairs. Emily stared after her..

She had expected awkward but that, that was something she couldn't even begin to describe. Letting out a sigh of her own, Emily pushed herself up to rest against the arm of the couch. Her side and leg ached, and her shoulder protested the odd position it had been contorted into last night. She was going to be feeling that for awhile, she acknowledged as she rotated it, trying to work out the kinks.

She had barely settled into her position when Paige came thumping down the steps, clad now in a pair of dark red basketball shorts and black tank top that hugged every curve, and left little to the imagination. Or, at least Emily suspected it would, if Paige had paused long enough for Emily to get more than a fleeting glance at her.

"I'm going for a run," she said as she breezed past Emily, pulling her hair up into a ponytail as she did so.

Emily cleared her throat, too stunned to say anything. And before she knew it, Paige had shoved her feet into her running shoes and was out the door. It closed behind her with a soft click that resounded in Emily's head as loudly as if she had slammed it.

For a long moment Emily stared at the door, trying to figure out what had just happened. She didn't know whether to be hurt, angry or simply stunned. Waking up like that with Paige had been confusing, to say the least. And it's not exactly like she wanted to talk about it either. But Paige's complete avoidance was just as troubling as the thoughts and feelings swirling around insde her.

She could still feel the warm weight of Paige's hand as it curled around her breast. Could still feel the tingle of her skin where her calloused fingers had gently pressed. And perhaps most troubling, the dull ache that throbbed between her legs had not subsided.

She knew what that meant. She had blushed her way through sex-ed in eight grade. Had tried to tune out Mrs. Boomburg's diagrams and clinical, but informative terns. But, still, she had taken the class. She recognized the signs of arousal, even though she had never experienced them quite like this before.

The tight, itchy feeling that crawled across her skin right now? The coiling tension low in her belly? The tender, tingling of her breast? She knew it meant that she had liked Paige's touch. That she had been turned on by Paige's touch. And that her body was on overdrive because it had ultimately been left unsatisfied by it.

On it's own accord, her hand slipped beneath the hem of her t-shirt and drifted up her belly, her nails dragging lightly as they followed the path Paige's hand had taken. Her skin tingled and tightened as her hand curled around her breast, much the same way Paige's had.

She mimiced the faing kneading motion that Paige's hand had performed, and while it felt good, it wasn't quite the same. Paige's hands were larger, rougher, and Emily found that her own smaller, softer ones didn't offer the same effect. Still, it was enough to elliciit a soft moan. One that she didn't bother to hold back the way she had when Paige had been touching her.

Her breath quickened as she began to move her hand in earnest. Many of her actions were experimental, tugging and twisting and pulling on her breast, trying to see what caused the most reaction.

Tension coiled in her belly, a gentle, insistent throbbing. Muted, compared to what Paige had ignited within her, but enough to start her heart racing. Fluttering her eyes closed, she pretended that it was Paige touching her. That it was Paige's long, slender fingers that were pinching and rolling her nipple. That it was the rough, calloused pad of Paige's thumb that scraped across it. She imagined Paige lying on the couch beside her, staring down at her with those deep, loving brown eyes as she worked her body up with practised skill.

The ache between her legs grew increasingly more difficult to ignore. Without conscious thought of doing so, Emily slid her free hand beneath the waistband of her pants and let out a soft gasp at the abundance of wetness she found there.

The reality of it pulled her out of her fantasy, and for a moment she lay there panting, her hands stilling as she took stock of just what exactly she was doing. A heat, unrelated to her actions rushed through her, and she jerked her hands from beneath the material of her clothing in shame.

She couldn't believe what she had been doing. What she had almost done. She couldn't even begin to process how many levels of wrong it was. Touching herself while thinking of Paige? It was wrong. And rude. And disrespectful. And... it felt so good. Her mind stuttered in berating her for her actions, focusing instead on the pleasure it had sent coursing through her body. On the insistant throbbing, on the wetness, that still remained.

Maybe it's not so wrong, her inner devil cajoled. In another life, she and Paige had been a couple. No doubt, Paige had had her hands in these places countless times before. She would probably even think it was hot to know that Emily was touching herself while thinking of her.

Emily knew she was rationalizing. Making excuses for innexcusable behaviour. But, at the moment that was enough for her. The ache between her legs was intense, and overwhelming and her thoughts were cloudy to everything but relieving it. Knowing she was making a bad decision, Emily slipped her hand into her pants and ran a finger through the wetness gathered there.

Her stomach clenched, and her eyes fluttered shut and she repeated the action. Again and again she stroked herself, her touch alternating between heavy and light. Her breath quickened and her legs splayed open, her hips twitching up with each pass.

She had never touched herself like this before. Not even when kids in her class, girls she hung out with, started talking about it at sleepovers in seventh and eight grade, always too embarrassed to actually try, despite a ashamed sort of curiosity. She had always ignored the faint tingle she got down there when watching a kissing scene on tv, or when reading a romantic scene in one of the harlequin romance novels she swiped from her mom's "secret" stash when she was at work.

She was suprised at how soft and smooth she felt down there. And, also, how swollen. Her fingers slipped easily through the wetness gathered there, and the pressure building in her abdomen only increased, demanding something more that she wasn't entirely sure how to give.

On an upstroke, her finger hit a spot that made her hips jump an extra little bit, a soft gasp falling from her lips at the way the touch jettisoned through her. She returned to that spot, stroking it again and again, feeling the tension in her body mount twofold.

Her clitoris, she realized, almost absently. The part of her brain responsible for coherent thought nearly overcome with the pleasure coursing through her.

Her breath caught and she arched up off the couch, a soft cry tearing from her throat as she experienced her first ever orgasm. It was only as she sagged back against the cushions that she realized it was Paige's name that had fallen from her lips as she had come. And once again, a sense of embarrasment and shame washed over her.

Paige would never look at her again, if she knew what Emily had done. As it was, Emily had no idea how she would be able to look her in the eye. Not after...violating her like that. She had just touched herself, had just gotten herself off, to thoughts of Paige.

To another girl.

Who does that?

A lesbian who's attracted to someone, her inner devil snarked. And before she had a chance to process that, the front door swung open and Paige strode in.

Hastily, Emily wiped her fingers on her pants, wincing as she realized the motion left a damp mark there. She turned to Paige, though it was a struggle to raise her gaze to meet that of the other girl's. Her heart hammered in her chest with fear, certain that Paige would take one look at her and know what she had done.

For her part, Paige didn't grant Emily more than a passing glance as she paused in the foyer and kicked off her shoes. She was breathless and sweating from her run. Tendrils of hair had fallen from her ponytail and now clung to the damp skin of her temples, neck and shoulders. The form fitting tank top, which had clung to her before was now practically a second skin, molding to her frame to reveal every curve.

Emily fought not to run her eyes over Paige's body. And tried to ignore the niggling thought that, breathless and sweating, she probably looked a bit like how she would look if she engaged in activities like what Emily had just been up to.

"Hey," she panted, offering up a half-smile and meeting Emily's gaze for a half-second. "Give me a chance to shower and then I'll make us some breakfast."

Emily offered a weak smile and a nod in response, but Paige had already turned and was heading up the stairs. With a sigh, Emily flopped back against the pillows.

She heard the shower come on upstairs, and, unbidden, an image of Paige stripping off her sweat soaked running gear popped into her brain. She had gotten a glimpe of much of that fine, toned body the other day. Taut abs and strong arms and shoulders. Pale, creamy skin and pert, round breasts. It didn't take much imagination to fill in the blanks of what she hadn't seen.

Before her thoughts could run away from her any further, Emily shook her head to dispell them and pushed herself up off the couch. The damp, sticky feeling between her legs gave her pause. As did the dark wet spot on the couch cushion. Cheeks flaming she awkardly bent to flip the cushion over, wedging it back into place as best she could while balancing on her good leg. She surveyed her handiwork, satisfied that if Paige noticed anything amiss, she would attribute the disturbance to their having slept on the couch all night.

One issue down, it was time to do something about the other. She made her way slowly to the downstairs bathroom, where she shut the door and studied the large, walk in shower carefully. She knew Paige wouldn't like her undertaking the task herself, but she was in desperate need of a thorough washing and she wasn't really interested in waiting until Paige could assist her. That was the last thing she needed, she told herself, ignoring the small thrill she felt at the thought of Paige undressing her, considering everything that had happened this morning.

Slowly, and carefully she undressed, and wrapped her incision site as best she could. The nurses at the hospital and her mother had made it look so easy, but doing it herself Emily found herself fumbling with the adhesive on the sterile strips and struggling to smooth it flat over her side. Eventually, however she did a passable job, and stepped into the shower. Sitting on the shower seat and adjusting the temperature was easy enough, but washing with such limited mobility was frustrating. After awhile she contented herself with just sitting under the warm spray, letting it beat down on her, until her toes started to prune from being in the water so long.

Drying off and dressing was a little more difficult than undressing, but she managed, and made it out of the bathroom and into the kitchen before Paige had even made it downstairs.

She was just pouring two cups of coffee when Paige finally did make it down. She strode into the room looking scrubbed and shower fresh. She had no make-up on and her cheeks were still ruddy from the hot water and steam. Her hair was still damp and slicked back, the moisture slowly seeping into the light blue t-shirt she was wearing, giving it a mottled look.

She paused at the threshold and took in Emily's similar just showered look and a faint frown crossed her features before she shook her head, as if shaking the thought away.

"You hungry?" she asked, brushing past Emily as she continued into the room. "What are you in the mood for today?" Her voice was muffled as she leaned into the cupboard, scouring for ingredients.

Having expected to be grilled about her showering by herself, the question about breakfast seemed almost inane, and definitely out of left field.

Emily shrugged one shoulder, though Paige couldn't see her and had to clear her throat before answering. "I don't know. Pancakes?"

"Hmm." Paige pulled a couple of boxes from the cupboard and set them on the counter. "Pancakes it is."

Emily leaned against the counter, staring at Paige's back as she worked, mixing flour and pouring the batter onto the skillet and gently flipping the pancakes as they browned. She moved as deftly and easily as she always did, but there was a tension, a jerkiness to her movements that Emily had never noticed before.

And, she didn't say a word. Even as she settled across from Emily at the table with a stack full of fluffy pancakes of her own, she kept her gaze averted and didn't say a thing.

There was an awkwardness to the air, an unease that Emily had never experienced before, even in the worst of their days before the accident. And Emily didn't know how to break it, but surely she knew that it was her fault.

Somehow, Paige must know about what Emily had done, how she'd let Paige touch her like that. How she'd taken advantage of her sleeping state like that. And then, once she was gone, had touched herself, thinking of Paige. And, now Paige was displeased with her. Disgusted, even.

When breakfast was over, Paige gathered their plates and moved to the sink in silence. Normally, this was the part in their routine where Emily would offer to help, and Paige would rebuff her, and then the two of them would chat while Paige washed and dried. But, today, Emily rose from her seat at the table and made her way into the living room. She paused, took one look at the couch, and then continued on upstairs. From there she entered her old bedroom, or rather Paige's study (she refused to think of it as Paige's bedroom, because the word bed brought up connotations she wasn't ready to think about) and took a seat on the couch. She reached for the book on the table beside the couch, even though she knew she wouldn't really be able to concentrate on it. She just needed something else to focus on besides the uncomfortable feeling in her stomach and the constant sting of tears that this newfound tension invoked.

It wasn't long before she heard the creak of footsteps on the stairs. And a moment later Paige appeared in the doorway. She crossed the room and dropped down onto the couch beside Emily, handing her the coffee cup she had abandoned downstairs as she settled in herself. She accepted it with a soft smile, noting as she wrapped her hands around it that the mug was warm to the touch, indicating that Paige had nuked it before coming upstairs. A small, but thoughtful gesture that made her smile, even in the face of the tension that hung between them.

"So, I was thinking," Paige said as she brought her own coffee mug up to her lips. "Tonight's your parents last night here in town."

Emily nodded, she was looking forward to seeing them for dinner later, though she was not looking forward to their departure.

"What if we threw them a bit of a goodbye party? I could set up the barbeque out back, grill up some burgers and hot dogs. I don't know if you've seen the backyard, but it's pretty rocking."

Emily hadn't ventured out there, but she'd peered outside. The deck, while needing a bit of work, was spacious, and sported what looked like a very comfortble patio set. Not to mention there was what looked like a small firepit in the far corner and a badminton net in the opposite one. She had a feeling the backyard had been host to more than a few parties over the years, and it would be fun to hold one with her parents before they headed home.

"We could invite the girls. And the boyfriends," she added with a chuckle. "Caleb and Toby have been clamoring over when they can finally come visit you. I know you don't really remember them, but..."

"No. It's fine. I think it's a good idea, actually."

She remembered Toby, though not in the context in which Spencer talked about him. And she was curious about Caleb, after all she'd heard about him from Hannah. Ezra too, though Aria wasn't as vocal about him as the other two were about their significant others. Not to mention, it would be nice to have something to look forward, something to plan. Maybe it would help ease the tension.

"Yeah?" A grin was starting to tug at the corners of Paige's lips, creeping wider as Paige's excitment grew.

It was a small thing, but it felt tremendous after the cold silence of this morning. She was glad that things seemed to returning to even keel.

"That'd really be all right?"

"Yeah. Really."

"Awesome." Paige did a little fist pump that was both incredibly dorky and adorable and Emily couldn't help but laugh.

"You're such a dork." She shoved Paige's shoulder lightly.

"Hey." Paige protested loudly as her coffee sloshed over the side of her cup and onto her hand. Though she didn't seem overly concerned as she balanced the cup on her thigh and brought her hand to her mouth, sucking the coffee up with a loud slurp. "Rude," she muttered, shoving Emily lightly back, though the teasing felt kind of forced.

"So, you want to call the girls? I'll start making a list of everything we need. We can make a run to the grocery store, pick everything up and be back in plenty of time to get everything set up." She was up and on her feet before she'd even finished talking, already heading across the room to her desk, where after a moment of rummaging around, found a notebook and a pen.

Emily nodded, eagerly, even though Paige's attention was already diverted, and pulled Paige's cell phone out of her back pocket. She'd gotten so used to carrying it around the last couple of days she'd almost forgotten it wasn't hers. Though, she got a reminder that it wasn't every time she unlocked it, and found her own face staring back at her. It was a little disconcerting. Though, ultimitely kind of sweet, knowing that Paige had set a photo of her as her background.

It didn't take long to get the girls on board with their plan. Aria and Spencer, and by extension Ezra and Toby were immediately on board. Hannah had plans to go shopping with a friend, but once she received assurance that Mona was welcome at the party as well, happily agreed and vouched for Caleb's presence as well.

It took a bit longer to get a shopping list together, but after some finangling, they had everything they needed jotted down, and Paige was pulling Emily to her feet, ready to help her out to the car for their trip to the grocery store.

The air between them was no longer tense, and by all appearances, Paige seemed relaxed, but there was something off about her behviour that Emily couldn't quite put her finger on as they made their way downstairs and to the car. An uneasiness, or more an uncertainty around Emily she had never seen her exhibit before.

She thought about calling her out on it, but a niggling of uncertainty on her own part had her holding back. There was a part of her that was afraid Paige would tell her it was her own fault, that her behaviour that morning was the cause. And if that was the case, she'd rather remain silent and hope that it blew over.


	16. Chapter 16

Guest **:** Yeah, lot of guilt and inner turmoil or Paige. And, don't worry, they will talk about it and move forward. But, not quite yet.

McCullers7 Thank you, I'm glad you're enjoying it. There will definitely be lots more Paily fluff, just not quite yet.

Guest: That is both the joy and torture of the slow burn. Maddening sometimes, isn't it? :p Thank you for your trust in me. I promise I won't abuse it.

Ale: Yeah, some definite tension there. But, don't worry they'll get through it.

Nyxxn: Thank you. I'm glad that you feel that way. I mean, I wanted it to be smut, for sure, but I wanted it be about more than just the smut. And yeah, definitely a misdiagnosis. And, your explanation made perfect sense to me. And, that's exactly what I'm trying to do, so I'm glad that it's working. Thank you, for reading, and for your review. :)

 **Author's Note:** I know I say this a lot, in PM's and responses, but I feel like I can never stress enough how much it means to me that all fo you take a little bit of time out of your days to read. And, in the really awesome cases, review. Thank you, so much.

 **Chapter 16**

There was an awkward tension between them as they set about getting everything ready for that evenings barbeque. Made more so by Paige persistantly acting like everything was fine. She didn't say much, but when she did speak, she was upbeat, and cheerful to the point of being almost obnoxious. Making inane small talk and cracking weak jokes.

She didn't treat Emily any differently as they travelled to three grocery stores and a farmers market to gather up the supplies they needed, including the ingredients to her "secret" barbeque sauce. She helped Emily in and out of the car, and kept pace beside her, always at the ready to assist her if she shoud lose her balance or feel fatigued.

Emily could see the strain of feigned normalacy in the tight, jerky way in wich she moved and in the furrow of her brow. In the way she fidgeted in place, constantly shifting and cracking her knuckles and pulling at her clothes. In the car she took as much care as she always had, but tapped restlessly at the steering wheel as she drove and at red lights fiddled incessentlly with the buttons for the radio.

So many times Emily wanted to reach out and still her hands, or smooth out the lines of tension in her forehead and around her eyes. Her fingers fairly twitched with the desire, but every time she held back, no longer trusting it was her place to do so.

She had noticed that Paige didn't touch her any more than she had to. She would help Emily out of the car, but her hand wouldn't linger on the small of back as they made their way across the jagged pavement of the parking lot. Nor did she rest it on the console between them, palm up in invitation as she drove.

The message was clear. And, it tugged at Emily's heart strings that Paige was done with her. But, she understood. She had taken advantage. She had betrayed Paige's trust.

She did her best to follow Paige's lead, to pretend that nothing was amiss, but it was hard to speak in an even, measured voice around the lump in her throat so she spent a lot of time humming non-commitally whenever Paige spoke, and nodding her agreement or dissent when she posed a question.

It was tiring. Exhausiting, really. And by the time they made it home just over two hours later, Emily felt like she had been through the wringer. Her neck and shoulders ached with tension and she could feel a headache beginning to form behind her eyes.

She didn't even have to pretend to be completely beat as they made their way laboriously up the walkway and into the house. She could feel Paige's concerned gaze on her as she dragged herself towards the stairs and, without a word, made her way up to her room. She flopped, unceremoniously, face first onto the bed, burrying her face into the pillow and letting out a muffled, aggravated sigh. She felt minisculely better in doing so, though far from back to peak form. Sighing again she rolled onto her back and stared sightlessly down at the ceiling.

She could hear Paige downstairs bringing the groceries in and putting them away. The faint sounds of bags rustling, footsteps shuffling and cupboards clicking shut a minor comfort that was largely overshadowed by the knowledge that if this morning hadn't happened, if today were any other day, Paige would be up here with a bottle of water and a couple of asprin. She would have immediately followed Emily upstairs and sat on the edge of the bed. Maybe even offered to massage out the tension in her neck and shoulders.

Emily flushed at the though, imagining the feel of Paige's strong, dexterous fingers kneading gently, but firmly, at the base of her neck. And her heart dropped as she realized that this was exactly the sort of thinking that had driven a wedge between them in the first place. She needed to put a stop to that train of thought. And, fast.

But, it was so hard when her body still tingled with the memory of Paige's hands ghosting across her skin. The ache between her legs spent, but not sated. Just the mere thought of Paige's touch sparked a stirring of desire. And Emily knew it wouldn't take much to stoke the feeling, to bring herself to pleasure like she had earlier.

Guilt warred with arousal. Paige was right downstairs. And it was wrong, so wrong of Emily to use her image like this. Even knowing this, her fingers twitched where they rested on her belly, drifting lower without concious thought on Emily's part.

The crash and shatter of glass, followed by a thinly veiled curse from downstairs startled Emily, and she jerked her hand away from where it had been heading. Her guilt doubled, not only had she been about to do that again, but she had left Paige alone downstairs to do all the work for the barbeque for her parents.

Slowly, she eased to the edge of the bed, reaching for her crutches which she had allowed to fall to the floor in her frustration. It took a few minutes of struggling and straining, almost falling off the bed in the process, but she managed to get them upright and positioned herself over them. After a quick detour to the bathroom, where she downed a couple of asprin, she made her way downtairs, where she found a barefoot Paige backed into a corner between the counter and the pantry, a shattered bottle of olive oil on the floor in front of her.

She watched as Paige hoisted herself up onto the counter and attempt to shimmy sideways across it, only to slip back to the floor with a muttered curse. It would have been funny, had she not landed so close to the sparkling shards of glass that littered the floor.

"Stop that. Stay there," Emily commanded when she saw Paige hoisting herself back up in an attempt to try again. The last thing they needed was for Paige to slip and get a footfull of glass.

Paige jerked in place, startled by Emily's entrance.

"Stay there," she repeated, holding up her hand to forestall Paige's explanation. Or protests. It wasn't like Emily could clean the mess up herself, but the least she could do was prevent Paige from injuring herself in the process. She retreated into the living room and grabbed a pair of Paige's shoes, snagging them by the laces and awkwardly carrying them back with her. She stopped at the edge of the spill and tossed them to her, one by one. Paige quickly jammed her feet into them, and stepped gingerly throgh the mess, class crunching as she couldn't manage to avoid all of the tiny pieces.

"Grab a towel, would you, throw it over this mess? I'm going to grab the mop."

Emily nodded and snagged a dish towel from the rack, laying it over the bulk of the congealing liquid and then stepping back as Paige approached with a mop and began cleaning it up. She wished she could do more to help, but in her condition, there wasn't a whole lot she could do. After a moment of useless hovering, she retreated to the kitchen table and sank down into one of the chairs. Idly she watched Paige work, unable to help but admire the graceful way in which she moved. The way her muscles flexed and tensed as she manipulated the mop.

It wasn't until Paige had finished, and was moving past her to return the mop to the closet that Emily noticed the dark stain spreading out across the thin canvas of her shoe.

"You're hurt." She reached out without thinking and snagged Paige's arm as she passed. Paige recoiled at the touch, nearly yanking her arm from Emily's grasp.

"What?" She stared at Emily dumbly for a minute before lowering her gaze to stare down at her shoe, and the large crimsom mark. "Oh."

"Here, sit." Emily rose from her chair and tried to ease Paige into it, but Paige waved her off. "Let's get you cleaned up."

"I got it," she said brusquely before slipping her hand from Emily's grasp and heading for the downstairs bathroom.

Emily stared after her, debating whether to follow, or leave her be. When she heard the medicine cabinet creak open and the clatter of bottles falling into the sink, she decided to leave her be, and instead chose to at least make herself useful in the kitchen.

Paige would be the one making the burgers and manning the grill, but Emily could handle chopping vegetables for the skewers and husking corn, and making the salads. It took several trips, but she finally got everything she would need laid out on the table. Paige had still not returned from the bathroom. And, it had definitely been awhile. Emily tried not to be concerned. But, what if the glass was embedded deep in her foot? Or, what if there were dozens of little shards? Or, the cut was deeper than she was aware? Paige could be in there bleeding to death for all she knew.

She shook her head at her paranoia. A cut to the foot wasn't going to kill Paige. And, with the way things were between them right now, Emily knew Paige wouldn't appreciate her checking up on her. So she pushed aside her protective instinct and set to work.

Ten minutes later when Paige did emerge from the bathroom she looked no more worse for wear. A square bandaid clinging somewhat haphazardly to the side of her foot but was the only evidence that something had transpired as she walked, easily, but wordlessly into the room. She moved to the cupboard and pulled down a couple of bowls and measuring cup, then to the fridge to pull out the ground beef they had bought and a number of ingredients that Emily didn't get a good look at.

They worked in silence, Emily at the table, chopping and skewering vegetables, and them mixing coleslaw and macaroni salad and Paige at the counter, preparing her barbeque sauce and them making the hamburger patties. It was suffocating.

And Emily was relieved when the doorbell rang, much earlier than they had told their guests to arrive. Before either one of them could move to answer, the door swung open and a moment later Hannah breezed into the kitchen, trailed by a dark-haired haired duo, a girl she had a vague memory of from seeing around school and a boy that was completely unfamiliar to her.

"Hello, Fields-McCullers," she said, linking their names by hyphen, the way one might if they were married. Emily tried not to react, knowing that Hannah had done it for just that reason.

"Hello, Hannah. And, company," she said, struggling to rise only to be waved off by the lanky, raven-haired boy who she could only assume was Caleb.

"Don't trouble yourself," he said, offereing her a lopsided grin as he squared himself in front of her and held out a hand to shake. "I'm Caleb."

"Nice to meet you, Caleb. Again, I'm presuming." She shook his hand firmly, surprised at how soft it was, despite the firmness of his grip.

"You too." He squeezed her hand lightly, and then released it. "I'm sorry about the accident," he said softly, sincerely. "I'm glad you're doing better."

She smiled her thanks, and he nodded, but before the moment could get to serious he spun away and approached Paige, punching her lightly in the shoulder in greeting before turning and reaching into the fridge for a beer. He dangled it in front of Paige's face, and at her nod, pulled out a second. He tapped first one, then the other, againt a corner of the counter, prying the top of, then handed one to Paige. They clinked bottles in cheers and both took a long pull.

Emily's attention was diverted from their interaction by a blur of movement in her peripheral and she turned when she realized that it was Hannah moving to sit across from her.

"And, this is Mona," she said, gesturing to the petite brunette who smiled warmly and offered her hand to shake.

"We're all really glad that you're doing better," Mona said as she slipped into the seat beside Hannah and immediately took up helping Emily with pulling husks from an ear of corn, striking up small talk that instantly put Emily at ease.

She greatful that neither Mona nor Caleb were making a big deal of the memory loss, instead slipping seamlessly into things, as if today were just another normal afternoon. And, as she watched out of the corner of her eye, as Caleb moved comfortably around the kitchen, grabbing Mona a beer, and fixing spiked iced tea for Hannah and Emily, she had to wonder if it really wasn't just another normal afternoon for them. Just because she couldn't remember it didn't mean that barbeques like this weren't a regular occurance.

With three other people in the room, acting as a buffer, the tension from earlier seemed to dissipate. Even though Emily and Paige didn't really speak directly, conversation and laughter flowed.

It wasn't long before it was actually time for their guests to start arriving, and Paige excused herself out to the backyard to get the grill going. Caleb and Mona heading out with her, all three of them laden down with platters of food.

"So, what's going on with you and Paige?" Hannah asked as soon as they were alone.

"Nothing. And, stop that." Emily swatted at Hannah's hand as she reached for another carrott stick. At the rate she was going, there weren't going to be any left by the time the others arrived.

"Don't deflect." Hannah dodged Emily's hand and grabbed one anyways. "Something's off between you two."

"I don't know what you're talking about." But, even as she protested, Emily felt her face heating up in a flush, shame and embarrasment coursing through her as she thought about what she had done. She busied herself with cutting up another carrot, hoping that Hannah wouldn't notice.

"I think you know exactly what I'm talking about." Hannah reached out and stilled her hands. "I know you don't remember it, but I bet you can feel it. Right here." Hannah pressed her free hand against her heart. "We used to be really close. And you can trust me with anything."

Emily found herself nodding along with Hannah's words. The other girl was correct. She didn't remember Hannah. But, she could feel a connection to her. As if some part of her did remember. It wasn't so much that she didn't believe it to be true as she was embarrassed to even talk about it. With anyone.

But, with Paige not really talking to her. At least, not in the ways that mattered, she was feeling a bit adrift. She needed to confide in someone. If only for them to confirm that she was being completely inappropriate.

"Paige is mad at me," she confessed, after glancing towards the sliding door to assure that Paige and the others were outside, beyond hearing range. It hurt to say the words, to acknowledge the truth. But at the same time it felt like a weight off.

"McCullers? Mad at you? I don't believe it."

"Believe it."

"Oh my God," Hannah gushed, her eyes growing wide. "What did you do?"

Emily ducked her head, blushing once again.

"Hey. Em. It's me." Hannah dipped her head, trying to catch Emily's eye. "You can tell me."

Emily nodded, but avoided eye contact, staring down at the tabletop instead. "Paige and I fell asleep on the couch together last night. Watching tv," she added hastily, because it was an easier explanation that what had really happened, and despite her need to for a confessional, she wasn't quite ready to get into that. "When we woke up this morning we were in a...compromising position."

"Oh?" Hannah sounded more amused than concerned. "And what might that position have been?"

Emily peeked a glance, and saw Hannah staring mildly back at her, a hint of a grin on her lips and eyes dancing with humour. She felt a flash of anger at her for taking this so lightly, but forged on. Now that she had started, she wanted to get this off her chest. No pun intended. Or, maybe exactly intended.

"We were lying together. I was half on top of her and...and her hand was up my shirt."

Hannah's eyes widened and she let out a low whistle. "Damn. Even in her sleep she's got game."

Emily narrowed her eyes at her, unamused, and Hannah muttered an apology, though she didn't really sound sorry.

"Is that it?"

"Does there need to be more?" Emily shot back, feeling the flush creep down her neck.

"Well, yeah." Hannah looked at her expectantly. "I mean, so she got a little handsy in her sleep. I'm sure it's not the first time it's happened."

"It's the first time it's happened to me."

Hannah blanched, her mouth twisting into a grimace. "Right. Forgot. Sorry."

Emily rubbed a hand over her face, trying to calm her temper. She hadn't meant to snap at Hannah. Especially not after the other girl had offered to lend an ear.

"Go, on." She squeezed Emily's hand encouragingly.

When Emily glanced up, she saw nothing but earnest interest in her gaze. All traces of amusement or teasing gone. "Right. Where was I?"

Hannah opened her mouth to comment, and then snapped it shut before whatever pithy or snarky comment she was about to make could slip out. Emily appreciated her effort to censor herself, and actually found some comfort in the fact that she wasn't walking on eggshells around her.

"I woke up and her hand was under my shirt and...she was..." She trailed off, unable to actually put it into words.

Hannah let out a soft hum, letting her know she understood, and squeezed her hand, urging her to continue.

"It felt really good," she blurted, the words running together.

"Oh, honey. Of course it did."

She glanced up, startled at Hannah's words. "Huh? What?"

"It's nothing to be embarrassed about. I absolutely love it when Caleb wakes me up in the morning by...you know what, never mind. Not important." Hannah cut herself off at Emily's wide-eyed look of horror at the almost over-share. "I'm just saying, it's okay if you enjoyed it."

"Then why did Paige get up and immediately go for a run? And, how come she's barely looked at me, let alone touched me all day?" Emily blinked rapidly against the burning of tears that swelled suddenly, frustration and sadness clashing together almost overwhelming as she finally voiced what had been plaguing her all day.

"Well, did you say anything to her, when she woke up?"

Emily shook her head. "No. I pretended to be asleep. And then she pulled away from me like her hand was on fire and then she just...left." Emily refrained from sharing what she had done after Paige had left. She didn't think it important.

Hannah was silent for a long moment, and Emily hung her head dejectedly. She had known it. Paige was done with her. And even Hannah could see it.

"Em, sweetie," she said softly. "I don't think Paige is mad at you. I think she was...hell probably still is, just frustrated."

Emily rolled her eyes, though Hannah couldn't see it. Like that was any better.

"No. Em. Look at me."

Hannah gently tilted her head up with a hand under her chin.

"I think that this morning's activities left Paige a little frustrated."

Emily's brow furrowed at the way Hannah put extra emphasis on the word frustrated, as well as widened her eyes. She stared back at Hannah blankly.

"Really Em? Seriously?" she huffed. "Frustrated. As in, sexually."

Emily was sure she had to have misheard. "Say again?"

"Oh, for God sakes, Em. Paige is horny. Okay? You guys went from going at it like rabbits to living like monks."

Emily stared at Hannah in wide-eyed disbelief. Surely Hannah didn't know what she was talking about.

"All that tension that's so thick you can cut it with a knife? It's sexual."

Emily spluttered trying to respond, finally resorting to shaking her head when no words would come.

"Hey, you know what? Fine. Don't take my advice" Hannah wiped her hands together, as if wiping them clean of the conversation, and then raised them in surrender. "I think I'm going to go check on Caleb, and the burgers." She rose to leave.

"Wait. No. I'm sorry." Emily grabbed Hannah's wrist and stopped her from going. "It's just, a lot to take in."

Hannah's features softened in sympathy and she sank back into her chair. "No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed so hard."

"It's okay. It wasn't...pleasant, but I think maybe I needed to hear it."

She felt like she had been messing up with Paige so much lately. Maybe she needed the perspective of someone who knew Paige, but wasn't so close to the situation.

It was just a lot to take in. Especially if what Hannah was saying was true. She had felt so bad, so guilty this morning, for taking advantage, for betraying Paige. And, while she still wasn't entirely convinced it wasn't wrong of her to use Paige's...image like that, she took some comfort in knowing that Paige might have been experiencing something similar.

And, looking back on it, it did make a certain sense. The run, the shower, flinching at Emily's touch. She was probably feeling as guilty as Emily. Knowing Paige, she probably thought she had crossed a line. She had no way of knowing that Emily hadn't been put off by the touch, had enjoyed it, welcomed it even. She was probably beating herself up, thinking she had violated Emily's personal space.

"I've certainly made a mess of things, haven't I?"

"Nothing that can't be fixed, Em."

Emily glanced outside, to where Paige, Caleb and Mona were clustered around the grill, talking animatedly, and laughing often. Paige's stance was easy, relaxed. Her beer bottle hung loosely in one hand, and every so often she brought it, almost lazily, to her lips for a sip, an almost constant grin on her face as she listened and contributed to the conversation.

It felt like she was watching her Paige, who had been absent all day. She crossed her fingers and hoped that she would be able to get that Paige back.


	17. Chapter 17

Ale- I'm glad you liked the conversation between Emily and Hannah. And, lol. I can actually kind of picture that conversation between Emily and Paige. Maybe it'll work it's way into the next chapter.

Guest: Sure. Burgers all around.

Hannah: I know right? Where would they (where would any of the liars) be without Ms. Hannah Marin. I'm glad you enjoyed that. I kind of love the idea of a Caleb/Paige bro-mance.

Guest: I don't think it sounds weird at all. I'm glad you enjoy it. I'm trying to keep a balance of both.

Guest: Yeah, me too.

Author's Note: I made you guys wait a few extra days for this update and I'm sorry. But, it's a bit longer than the past couple chapters to make up for it. I hope that you enjoy. :)

 **Chapter 17**

The party was in full swing, and everyone was mingling and having a great time. Emily didn't even feel like she was hosting as she made the rounds, chatting with her parents, her friends, their parents, a few of her father's army buddies from the area and their wives, and a couple of the neighours who had dropped by. She was simply having a good time. The fact that she didn't remember a dozen or so of them people milling around the backyard was irrelevant.

Her conversation with Hannah was never far from her mind, though she tried not to dwell on it, wanting to focus instead on enjoying herself. But it was tough, because every time she glimpsed Paige across the yard or caught the sound of her voice or heard her laugh her stomach dipped and her pulse quickened as she remembered how she had felt when she woke up this morning, and wondered if Hannah were correct, and Paige had felt the same way. Did she feel the same tingling ache low in her belly? The same tightening and churning? It made Emily blush to think so, but it also sent a thrill shivering up her spine. If Paige's behaviour after her run was any indication, the activity had done nothing to diminish the feeling. She had gone straight upstairs for a shower. While up there, had she...Emily shook her head, not allowing herself to continue the thought.

"Hey, are you okay, Em?" Aria cut herself off in the middle of her sentence, which Emily was embarrased to admit she had not been listening to. "You're looking a little flush." She laid a hand on Emily's cheek. Her skin soft and cool against Emily's heated face. "You're burning up."

Aria's observation only served to make her blush further. She wondered what the other girl would say if she knew Emily's thoughts.

"I'm okay." She reached up and removed Aria's hand from her face, giving it a little squeeze before letting it drop. "Just a bit too much sun, I guess."

It wasn't entirely a lie, either. She had been outside for a couple hours now, socializing, making the rounds, the sun beating down on her. Not that she was complaining. She had spent so much time cooped up inside lately, even with the outings of the past few days, it felt nice to be outside, the warmth of the sun and the breeze of fresh air against her skin.

"Maybe we should sit for a bit?" Aria gestured towards a couple of the chairs in the shade, already guiding Emily towards them as she spoke. Emily went willingly.

For all she was enjoying herself though, this much fun was exhausting. It had already been a pretty eventful day. Emotionally taxing, at least. Although, being out and about for a couple hours grocery shopping certainly hadn't helped, either. She was more than happy to sink into one of the muskoka chairs beneath a tree on the lawn and soak it all in, letting the various conversations ebb and flow around her as she surveyed the yard.

Caleb had hooked his laptop up to a set out outdoor speakers and was playing dj in the corner of the patio by the grill, spinning out moderately pitched mood music and keeping Paige company while she cooked. Toby and Wayne were huddled nearby, talking about water sealing and staining, the last time Emily had swung by. Apparently, Toby was building a house. Spencer and Pam had made their way out into the yard and were now engaged in an unnervingly intense "friendly" game of badminton. Hannah, and Mona were chatting with a couple of army wives. Ezra was deep in coversation with one of Emily's neighbours and everyone else was spread out across the patio and lawn, laughing, chatting, and having a good time.

"Foods up." Paige's voice cut through the din in the backyard, and a momentary silence fell before the chatter started back up again as people began making their way to where the food was laid out buffet style across the picnic table on the deck. A platter piled high with hamburgers, hot dogs, vegetable skewers and black-bean burgers-all grilled to perfection Emily was sure-the crowning piece. Emily levered herself up from her chair and Aria kept pace beside her as she made her way across the yard. She lost her in the shuffle as they reached the deck though, and Emily was alone as she fell in line behind the others. She grabbed two plates, and began shuffling her way along the selections, adding generous helpings of salads and veggies. She ignored her father's ribbing about being allowed to come back for seconds as she made up two hamburgers and two hotdogs on each plate, and then carefully made her way down onto the lawn where a half circle of chairs had been set up. She put a plate each on the arms of two claiming them, and then crossed back to where was Paige turning a couple of hot dogs on the grill. She barely looked up as Emily approached, though Emily knew she was aware of her presence from the way her shoulders tightened, and her attention on the tongs in her hand became more focused.

"You should come eat something."

"In a bit."

"No, now," Emily inisisted gently, reaching out and laying a hand over Paige's, stilling her motions.

"There's still a pack of burgers to be grilled."

Paige's fingers flexed beneath her own.

"There's plenty still over there."

"People might want seconds."

"Paige." Emily extracted the tongs from Paige's hand and laid them on edge of the deck. "Please come eat something." She shut the lid, and then flicked the dial, turning the grill off.. "At least give everyone a chance to tell you how amazing the food is."

A slightly smug smile tugged at Paige's lips and her chest puffed out a bit in pride. "Yeah, the food is pretty damn good," she said, the smile blooming into a full on grin. Emily had to bite back a laugh at how predictable Paige's was, of course she would respond to a little stroking of her ego.

"Of course it is. I made you a plate. It's getting cold while we stand here. C'mon." Emily slung an arm around Paige's wasit, steering her away from the grill and starting her in the direction of the chairs. Paige grabbed another beer from the cooler and let herself be led.

It was too awkward a position to manage for more than a few steps, but it seemed to do the trick. Paige began moving across the deck of her own volition as Emily kept pace beside her. Paige's hand, Emily was pleased to note, resting lightly against the small of her back as she navigated across the narrow wooden slats. The touch was barely there. Under normal circumstances, Emily might not have even noticed, but the absence of Paige's touch for the better part of the day had left her hyper aware of it now.

As they approached the chairs where their friends were gathered a round of applause and cheers, initiated by Hannah, went up and Paige bowed deeply.

"Thank you, thank you," she said, giving them a haughty little wave, the blush on her cheeks and the pleased grin on her face belieing her attitude.

"Seriously, dude, this is like the best burger," Caleb said around a large bite.

"You say that every time we come here," Hannah said, poking him lightly in the side.

"Because it's true, every time we come here." Caleb grunted softly as Hannah's finger dug in just below his ribs but didn't break his rhytmn as he chewed rapidly and took another bite.

"It's the sauce," Mona said as she leaned around him to address Paige, who was helping Emily ease down into her seat. "What is in this sauce?"

"That's top secret," Paige said as she settled into her own chair. "If I told you, then I'd have to kill you."

Mona narrowed her eyes at her, glaring heatedly. Paige just smirked at her until she stuck out her tongue and returned her attention to her meal.

"You always say that," Pam chimed in from further down the row of chairs. "One of these days though, we're going to figure it out."

"You're welcome to try."

"Ooohhh," Hannah, and a few of the others cat-called. Paige blushed deeply and ducked her head, but didn't back down.

The conversation began to split into a number of different ones, as Pam, Mona and Aria tried to figure out the ingredients in the sauce and Toby, Wayne and Paige started talking about grilling techniques and Spencer and Caleb rose to get seconds, laughing and chatting about something as they moved across the lawn. Soon everyone had split off into pairs or small groups, the threads of conversation twisting over each other and weaving together into a sort of white-noise. It was all a little overwhelming. Emily didn't feel up to trying to keep up. But, she was content to sit back and let it all wash over as she ate.

The food really was amazing. Not that she really expected anything less. Paige had more than proven she knew her way around a kitchen, and apparently a grill was no different. And, the others had been right, the sauce on the burgers really did give them something special. She wondered if pre-accident, she had been privy to the recipe, or was it something that Paige had kept even from her. She frowned slightly at the thought of having even such a mundane secret between them, though she knew it was a dumb thing to be concerned about it.

The food was so good that, even though she was stuffed, Emily kept eating. When Ezra went up to get seconds for himself and Aria, and offered to fill Emily's plate again, she accepted, even though she was already feeling full after a hamburger, a hot dog and quite a bit of salad. When he returned, she tucked into her food once again, clearing her plate, and then leaned back in her chair with a groan as her stomach churned and roiled.

"Hey, you okay?"

She turned her head at the sound of Paige's voice and saw the other woman looking back at her questioningly

She nodded, swallowing hard against the feeling that the food was going to creep it's way back up her throat.

"Em?"

"I'm fine," she managed, though her croaky voice only seemed to alarm Paige more, her eyes flying open in concern. "No, really. I just ate way to much, now I feel like I'm going to throw up. Don't worry, it'll pass."

"You always do that." Paige shook her head, though her tone was fond, not chastising. "You're like a little kid."

"Or a puppy," Toby chimed in as he passed, his plate loaded down with thirds. The sight of which made Emily's stomach gurgle in protest. He ruffled Emily's hair, the way one might do to a kid, or a pet, and danced easily out of the way when Emily swiped at him The sudden movement made Emily groan and double over, clutching her stomach.

"Do you want to go lay down for a bit?" Paige's voice sounded close to her ear, so close that Emily could feel her breath wisp softly against the side of her neck. Her stomach dipped and churned for an entirely different reason.

Wordlessly Emily shook her head and struggled to control her breathing, deep, steady in and out, made more difficult by the way Paige's hand rubbed circles across her back.

"I'm fine. Really." She sat back in her seat after a moment and flashed Paige a thankful smile. "Crisis averted."

Paige chuckled and rolled her eyes. "One of these days."

She didn't expand on one of these days what, though to be honest Emily didn't really care. Not with the way Paige's hand continued to rub circles across her back. The action seemed almost absent, Emily wasn't sure Paige was even aware she was doing it, as she continued to, even as her attention was pulled away by one of their neighbours calling out a question to her.

Afternoon slipped into evening. The sun began to sink below the horizon, casting everything in the backyard in a golden glow. The crowd thinned, as some of the neighbours and a few of her parents friends said their goodbyes, but the conversations and laughter were still lively as the shadows grew longer and darker. Tiki torches placed strategically around the yard combatted the growing darkness, their fragrant citrus smell also kept the mosquitos at bay.

Emily spent most of her time camped out in her lawn chair with her parents on either side of her, the crowd shifting around them. They fell into conversations with whoever was nearby, as people stopped by to say a few last words to her parents before heading out, or stopped by to chat as they passed.

Paige was on her feet most of the night, playing hostess, making sure everyone felt welcomed, included, cared for. She flit from group to group, talking animatedly, laughing loudly. Their paths didn't often cross, but Emily didn't feel like it was deliberate on Paige's part, or that the other woman was avoiding her. After her talk with Hannah, she was no longer worried that Paige was angry or upset with her.

The gathering was bittersweet though. As fun as it was, Emily couldn't forget it's purpose was to be a sendoff for her parents, who were flying back to Texas the next morning. She tried to spend as much time with them as she could throughout the evening, but with the large crowd that had gathered it was difficult to get more than a couple minutes alone before someone was interrupting or diverting her attention.

It was with a heavy heart that she watched them make the rounds, saying their goodbyes. There were hugs and well wishes all around, everyone in good spirits, even Paige, who threw her head back in laughter at something her father said and spoke animatedly with her mother before hugging them both. A few more words were exchanged and then her parents were heading towards the house, the laughter and chatter resuming in their wake. The party going on without them. It was unfathomable to Emily, who was standing by the sliding door, waiting to follow them inside and say a private goodbye. Her eyes were already burning with unshed tears, the lump in her throat growing increasingly more difficult to swallow around.

She wasn't ready to say goodby to her parents and send them on their way just yet. While she was used to extended periods of time without her father, it never got easier having him gone. And she had never been away from her mother for more than a few nights at a time. The most she could remember was two weeks at sleepaway camp summer she turned ten, and she had been horribly homesick the entire time. She was used to her mom always being there.

She knew that this week, sharing the house with Paige while her parents stayed in a hotel was the new norm, but in many ways it felt like they were simply playing house. As if eventually things would resume to the way she remembered them, her mom cooking her breakfast and driving her to school and looking over her homework for her, the two of them talking about their days over dinner or watching movies together on the couch. Her dad calling or skyping when he could, and sending emails or letters to tide them over in the meantime.

Yet, despite this yearning to go back to what was familiar, she was also excited about being truly alone and on her own with Paige. The thrill of excitement at the prospect felt a little bit like a betrayal of her parents. And she wondered if this is how she, how everyone felt going off to colllege, finally leaving the nest and forging their own path. She didn't remember that experience, though she imagined it felt similar, a yearning for independence while still clinging to the familar, not wanting everything to change.

Her dad offered her a soft, sympathetic smile as he pulled open the screen door and ushered her inside.

"No matter how many times I say good-bye, it never gets any easier," he said once the three of them were alone in the kitchen, the sounds of the party muffled behind them.

Emily nodded. That much, at least, she knew would never change.

"You know, as soon as you're cleared to travel you can come out and visit us. Whenever you want. For as long as you want."

Again, Emily nodded, not trusting her voice. The image of her parents blurred as tears pooled in her eyes and she tipped her head back in a futile attempt at stopping them from flowing.

"Oh, Emmy." Her father drew her into his arms as the tears began to fall. She fell into his embrace, burying her face into his neck as her breath hitched in a sob. He cradled her gently to his chest and she clung to him, the fabric of his shirt bunching in her hands.

At least she didn't have to worry about his safety, the way she usually did when they said goodbye like this. Texas might be a long way from Rosewood, but retirement was a far cry a warzone. And, at least her mother wasn't going to be lonely this time. Instead of standing at the doorway and watching her husband walk away, she was going with him.

He held her for a long moment, until finally her tears subsided and she pulled away. He wiped her tears gently with the pads of his thumbs, but paid no mind to his own. "I love you, sweetie."

"I love you too, Dad." She threw her arms around him once again, this time for a tight, fast hug. This time when she pulled back she stepped from the comfort of his embrace and turned towards her mother. Pam's eyes shone brightly with unshed tears, and the moment their gazes met, her face crumpled and they began to fall. Of course, seeing her mom cry started a resurgance of Emily's own tears.

"I'm going to miss you," Emily whispered into her mother's neck as she wrapped her arms around her. She didn't want her parents to go. But, she also didn't want to go with them, which was telling, she supposed.

"I'm going to miss you too. But, we'll call. We'll skype. And you and Paige will come out and visit us soon. Maybe for your father's birthday in a couple months. And, we'll definitely be back for Christmas."

"Yeah.".That didn't sound so bad. She could handle that, right? With cell phones and computers, it would be like there weren't even gone. She could talk to them every day if she wanted, see their faces, even if the images were grainy and somewhat pixelated.

"You and Paige take care of each other, right?"

Emily nodded and gave her mother once last squeeze before pulling away. "Have a safe trip. Call me when you land?"

Pam nodded as she wiped at her eyes. "Bye, sweetie. Love you." She brushed a kiss to Emily's cheek and then moved past her towards the door. Wayne squeezed Emily's shoulder lightly as he moved past, and then wrapped his arm around his wife's shoulder as they made their way outside.

She leaned on her crutches in the doorway and watched them as they walked down the driveway to their rental car. Her father opened the passenger side for her mother, ushering her in, before pushing it closed and jogging around the front to the drivers side. The engine roared to life, and her father honked twice then pulled away. Emily watched their taillights until they turned to pinpricks and dissapeared into the night.

Emily's eyes stung and itched from crying, but she was pretty sure the tears had subsided. As sad as her parents leaving made her she didn't want to miss out on any more of the party or time spent with her friends. She paused in the kitchen to splash some water on her face and then headed back outside.

It was full dark now, a dull quarter moon and the spluttering tiki-torches the only thing providing any light. She picked her way carefully across the uneven ground towards the back of the yard, where the remaining guests had gathered around the firepit. As she got closer she could just barely make out the shapes of Toby and Spencer kneeling in the grass, trying to get a fire going. The others stood in a loose semi-circle around them, watching and commenting on their progress. Occasionally someone would offer up a suggestion.

Even in the dark, it was easy to locate Paige's now familiar silhouette. She was standing at the end of the formation, chatting with Caleb and Mona. Emily sidled up beside her, nodding a hello to Caleb and Mona.

"Hey, Em." Paige spun on her heel to face her, wobbling slightly as she did so. "Hey," she repeated, a broad grin breaking out across her features. "Did you're parents get off okay?" she asked, the grin falling with the question. "Are you okay?"

Emily took in the way Paige stood, her legs spread a little further apart than natural and how she swayed slightly in place. She also took note of the slow, deliberate way she formed her words and the beer hanging loosely in her hand. She wondered just how many of those Paige'd had tonight. And whether drinking like this was normal for her. Was she just letting loose amongst friends, or was she drinking away her feelings? It was a troubling thought, that Paige was using alcohol to mask. Even more troubling when Emily considered that she was the cause of any emotional turmoil Paige was going through right now.

"I think I should be asking you that," she said, slipping an arm around Paige's waist to steady her when the constant motion of her body started to make Emily feel unbalanced.

"Oh, no I'm good," Paige said, bobbing her head rapidly in emphasis only to stop abruptly with a low groan. "Oh. But I think I'm a little drunk."

"You don't say."

"No, I did just say." Paige shot her a bemused smile, then cut her gaze to Caleb and Mona who were watching in amusement. She raised an eyebrow at them and nodded her head in Emily's direction as if to ask them if they could believe her. The two of them gave her indulgent smiles, and Caleb reached out clumsily to pat her shoulder, but it was apparent he'd indulged a little as well when his effort went wide and he lurched forward. He stumbled forward a step and managed to catch his balance before falling face first onto the grass.

Paige and Mona laughed uproriously. Even Emily couldn't help but chuckle. Caleb shot them all a glare, and then broke out into a laugh as well.

Paige slung an arm around Emily's shoulder, her fingers dangling dangerously close to the swell of Emily's breast. Her breath hitched in her throat, and she found herself half-hoping that she would flex her fingers just a fraction.

"Toby and Spencer are going to build a fire. And then we are going to roast marsh-mellows."

Emily bit back a smile at Paige's mispronounciation but chose not to correct her on it. "Do we even have any?" They hadn't picked any up today while grocery shopping, and she didn't remember seeing any in the kitchen, but that didn't mean there weren't some tucked away somewhere.

"Aria and Ezra went to get some," Paige said, tightening her grip around Emily, pulling her a little closer and nuzzling her face into the side of her neck. She shivered as she felt Paige's lips press just beneath her ear. "They should have been back by now, but they're having sex against a tree somewhere."

Emily barked out a laugh before she could stop herself. She knew she shouldn't, and that she should admonish Paige for saying that, but it was kind of funny. Idly she wondered if it was true. Admittedly her interactions with Aria and Ezra had been limited but they didn't really strike her as the spontaneous public displays of affection type.

Paige pulled back suddenly to look at Emily, eyes wide and shining in the moonlight in excitement. "You know, we could-"

"I'm going to stop you right there," Emily said as Mona let out a strangled sound and Caleb's eyes went wide. She ignored Paige's pout, and the way her heart hammered in her chest as she silently finished Paige's sentence for herself.

"Look, Spencer and Toby finally got the fire going." Emily distracted Paige by nodding towards the fire pit, where a small fire was fighting to burn. "Why don't we grab a seat," she said, gesturing towards the ring of lawn-chairs that had been dragged into ragged formation. "So we'll be ready for when Aria and Ezra get here with the marshmallows?"

Paige seemed agreeable to the suggestion, as she immediately began steering Emily across the short distance, the others trailing behind. Apparently she took "grab a seat" literally, because she dropped down into the first available lawn-chair, and then immediately pulled Emily down into her lap.

Emily thought about protesting. She really did. But Paige's body was soft, and warm against the chill air of the night. Not to mention pliant as she wrapped herself around Emily, her arms winding around Emily's waist to rest lightly against her stomach as she pulled her back against her. She rested her chin on Emily's shoulder, so that each breath tickled the side of her neck every time Paige exhaled. It was like being wrapped in a thick, comfortable blanket; warm, cozy and safe. What sealed the deal, however was the soft sigh of contenment Paige let out as she settled.

After this morning, Emily had been half-afraid Paige would never touch her again. And, maybe Paige was a little loopy from the alcohol, but she had been the one to initiate the contact.

Emily could see no reason to hurt Paige's feelings and drive a wedge even further between them by refusing to sit with her. Especially not when the other couples in attendence were in similar poses. Hannah sat sideways on Caleb's lap, one arm draped around his neck as she leaned around him to chat with Mona. And Spencer sat on the ground in front of Toby's chair, leaning back into his touch as he massaged her shoulders.

A part of her knew she was simply rationalizing to get what she wanted. But the larger part of her just did not care. It felt nice. It felt comfortable. It felt natural.

A cheer rang out, Paige's being the loudest, as Ezra and Aria appeared from the shadows, walking hand in hand, a grocery bag hanging from each other their wrists.

"We come bearing provisions," Ezra called out in response to their greeting. "Got all the ingredients for s'mores."

"Mmm, somemores," Paige murmured near Emily's ear, the vibrations of her voice and the heat of her breath against her skin making her shiver. She shook her head at herself, wondering just what it was about Paige that managed to make drunken whisperings about s'mores so...alluring. Sexy even.

Ezra and Aria reached the group and settled side-by side in one of the lawnchairs, elbows jostling as they ripped into the grocery bags and pulled out a jumbo bag of marshmallows, a couple boxes of graham crackers and a handful of chocolate bars.

It only took a few minutes to divy everything up and pass it around, and a couple more minutes for Hannah to pass out the cooking sticks that she had gathered from the yard. Emily took hers hesitantly, not sure how she felt about eating food off a tree-branch, but after watching the others gamely shove marshmallows onto theirs and stick them into the fire she shrugged and loaded hers up with a couple of marshmallows and held it gingerly over the fire.

She leaned forward on Paige's lap, and Paige pressed close against her back, thrusting her stick directly into the fire, only to pull it out again a second later, all four of the marshmallows she'd put onto it fully engulfed. Emily ducked, but still managed to almost get clocked in the side of the face, as Paige began to wave the stick around, attempting to extinguish the flames. All she managed to accomplish however, was to knock two of the marshmallows into the fire as the other two melted into a goey mess.

As the ohers laughed at her attempt, Emily gently pried the stick from her hand and tossed it aside. "Why don't you let me take care of the cooking, and you assemble the rest of the s'mores, huh?" She gestured to the haphazard pile of graham crackers and the unopened chocolate bar resting on the arm of their lawnchair.

"Sure thing." Paige pressed a kiss to the back of Emily's neck and reached for the chocolate bar.

Around the fire the others were discussing the perfect roasting method and debating the age old question of lightly toasted vs. blackened and charred. Emily listened with half an ear as she focused on balancing the stick over the fire, letting the flames lick but not devour the marshmallows. Her concentration hindered by Paige, who had either already finished with the rest of the s'more ingredients or (more likely) had abandoned the task in favour of running her hands up and down Emily's back and sides, occasionally dropping a kiss to the back of her neck or shoulders.

Paige was a handsy, affectionate drunk apparently. Something that Emily couldn't quite bring herself to mind, even though she knew she should probably put a stop to the behaviour. Especially in light of what had happened this morning, and Hannah's observation that she was probably sexually frustrated. It felt nice though, her touch lightly skimming up and down Emily's sides, her hands strong and sure as they soothed and caressed. Her lips soft and warm as they pressed against the sensitive underside of her jaw or the ticklish spot at the base of her neck.

Even with her distractions, Emily managed to cook her marshmallows to golden-brown perfection and pulled her stick out of the fire. When she glanced back she noticed that, sure enough, Paige had not even finished opening the chocolate bar, let alone breaking it into squares or putting it onto the graham crackers. Huffing a laugh, Emily propped the stick between her knees and hastily laid out a couple of graham crackers. She broke off a two large squares of chocolate and then carefully pried a marshmallow off her stick, grimacing a little as the melted treat smeared across her fingers. She pushed the gooey treat onto the cracker as best she could, and then reached for the second marshmallow. By the time she was finished, her fingers were sticky with marshmallow innards and she remembered why s'mores had never been a particular favorite of hers.

Before she could reach for a napkin to wipe her hand, Paige's fingers had wrapped around her wrist. Emily supposed she should have seen it coming, but she was caught off guard as Paige's lips closed around her thumb, a soft humm issuing from her throat as her tongue flicked across the marshmallow stuck there. Emily's face and neck heated in a blush and that newly familiar ache between her legs returned with a vengence. She bit back a moan as Paige released her thumb with a soft pop, and then turned her attention to her first finger.

Emily darted her gaze around the fire to see how the others were reacting to Paige's actions, but they were all caught in making or eating their own s'mores. Hannah and Mona were daintily trying to eat theirs, without getting melted chocolate or marhmallow on their faces while Caleb was busy simultanously shoving his into his mouth and loading his stick up with more marshmallows. Spencer was leaned back, gingerly feeding Toby. Aria and Ezra were in a similar position to Emily and Paige, with Ezra licking marshmalllow from Aria's fingers.

Paige released her finger and licked her lips, then reached for one of the s'mores without comment. Emily shakily followed suit. She barely noticed the taste as she bit into it, her stomach still fluttering and her breath coming in short, quick rasps. The ache between her legs persisted, and she shifted in place to quell it. Paige murmured softly behind her, breath hitching, and Emily froze in place, realizing belatedly how her movements in Paige's lap must have felt. Paige didn't seem to be protesting though, she wrapped her arms around Emily's waist and tugged lightly.

Despite her better judgement she leaned back into Paige, a warm, fluttery feeling stirred in her belly at Paige's soft sigh as Emily settled against her. Her hands slid across Emily's stomach and upper thighs instead of her back and sides, and she pressed a line of kisses along her cheek. Emily turned her head at the last minute, catching the next one on the corner of her mouth. Her heart quickened in her chest and a buzzing heat burned through her as Paige reached up, turning Emily's head fully towards her with a gentle hand to her cheek, and pressed a soft, lingering kiss to her lips, the tip of her tongue flicking out.

It was over as quickly as it had begun, and Paige turned away, reaching for the roasting stick and calling out to Spencer to toss her the marshmallows. Emily let out a sigh as she sagged back against Paige wondering just what was happening to her.


	18. Chapter 18

**Author's Note:** I had an unexpected afternoon off and got a little writing done. It's a little shorter than some of the other chapters of late, but hopefully you'll still enjoy it.

A HUGE thank you to all of you for your continued support and encouragement throughout this story. Your reading of and your kind words make my day.

Guest: Yeah, they've got a lot to talk about. Although, they're not quite there yet. I'm glad you enjoyed drunk, handsy Paige-because you're about to get more of her-and yeah it's sad that Pam and Wayne left, but I think it's a big step for Emily that she's looking forward to the time alone with Paige in their absence.

Ale: Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it. They're slowly getting closer, and more comfortable with each other, though they've still got a ways to go.

Nxxyn: I think she's coming more self-aware, even if she's not quite certain how she feels about it all. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. :)

Guest: Thank you. I'm glad you liked it. And, don't worry, more are coming.

Guest: Thank you.

Guest: The night's not quite over yet.

 **Chapter 18**

It was late by the time their guests left. Closer to morning that midnight. Emily was worn out in the best way. Her entire body ached with exhaustion, her eyes itched and burned with the desire to simply drift closed so she could fall asleep on the spot, and her jaw was sore from yawning but also, her stomach and sides hurt from laughing so hard, her cheeks stung from the nearly permanent smile on her lips and she was filled with a light, airy feeling of contentment. The party had been just what she needed.

For her part, Paige was swaying unsteadily on her feet after a round of lenghty, exuberant hugs with their guests as they parted. The door is now closed behind them as the muffled sound of car doors shutting and engines turning over broke through the stillness of the night. She had consumed a lot of alcohol tonight. Or perhaps, she had consumed a normal amount for her. Emily had no way of knowing. But, none of the others had seemed concerned about her intake, and most of them left in a similar state. Caleb and Hannah had stumbled down the path, leaning on each other for support as they headed for Hannah's mother's house just a few blocks away. Ezra had all but carried Aria out to their car, although Emily didn't know if that was because the petite woman had drank too much or was just a lightweight. Spencer had been stumbling and slurring her words as Toby guided her out the door and even Mona had let loose, getting a little tipsy.

So, perhaps Emily didn't need to worry about Paige's drunken-state, or more precisely the cause of it but that didn't stop her from fretting that Paige had turned to alcohol to help ease the tension that had fizzled between them for the better part of the day. She could only hope that there was some truth to the "drunk words are sober thoughts" perspective that some people took, and Paige would be as carefree and easy with Emily tomorrow when she was sober as she had been this evening.

"Today was a good day." Despite Paige's attempts at speaking slowly and deliberately, the wrods still came out slightly slurred. "I had a good time. Did you have a good time?" She spun around slowly and leaned heavily against the door behind them to regard Emily through heavy-lidded eyes.

Despite her concern over Paige's inebriated state, Emily couldn't help but chuckle at the blissed-out half smile that tugged at her lips and hazy gaze.

"I did. Today was a really good day." She was glad it had ended on a more positive not than it had began.

"I'm sorry that your parents had to leave tonight." Paige flailed about until her hands snagged Emily's wrists and she pulled her close. "Are you okay?" She ran her hands up and down Emily's arms, or at least attempted to, her uncoordinated movements ending with her smacking Emily's arm a couple of times and then skittering off as they reached her elbow.

Biting her lip to keep from laughing, Emily grabbed Paige's hands and returned them to her sides, giving them a little squeeze before letting go. "I'm doing all right," she answered, and it was true. Their absense was a dull ache in her chest. It had only been a couple hours and she already missed them. She would continue to miss them until the next time she was them again. But, she wasn't incapacitated by the loss. She was excited, eager even, to fully immerse herself in the life that she had built here. She wanted to explore how it felt to be out on her own and independent. To take care of a household and work and live as an adult. And, maybe it would be awhile before she could fully do that, with her injuries and all, but she was ready to begin taking those steps.

"Good. M'glad." Paige's words were even more slurred.

"I'm not so sure I can say the same about you though," she said with a shake of her head, taking in Paige's state. . Emily didn't have a lot of experience with drinking, or being drunk, but from the looks of it, Paige was in danger of falling asleep on her feet. "I'd say it's time to get you upstairs and into bed."

Paige's eyes lit up, and a wide, lazy grin eased it's way across her features. "Mmm. Yes please." She reached for Emily and hooked one arm around her waist and began gently pulling her forward, her head tilting to bring their lips together in a kiss.

"Nuh-uh." Emily laughed and pushed against Paige's shoulder, putting some distance between them. "Not like that." She shook her head, amused at the fact that Paige thought she'd be able to initiate something in the state she was in. She could barely hold herself up. The door seemed to be doing most of the work for her. "You need to sleep this off."

Paige pouted and then pushed herself off the door with a grunt. Emily hovered beside her as she took a few shuffling steps forward. She was happy to see that, while a bit unsteady, Paige seemed capable of walking unassisted. She really wanted to get Paige upstairs and into her bed. The couch would do, in a pinch, but it was a bit lumpy and uncomfortable for sleeping on. Not to mention, Emily wanted Paige close so she could keep an eye on her througout the night. Upstairs would be better.

Paige grabbed the banister and hauled herself up onto the first step. Emily followed close behind as she made her way slowly, painstakingly up the stairs. She let out a relieved breath when Paige made it safely to the top. Paige stumble-stepped her way down the hallway, by-passing her makeshift bedroom and heading into "their" room. Emily thought about re-directing her, her conscious reminding her of Paige's impassioned comment about having not spent a night alone in that bed since they'd bought it, but held her tongue at the last minute. Surely Paige would understand in the morning.

Paige crossed the threshold of the bedroom and flopped facefirst down onto the bed with a sigh, then let out groan as she reached for a pillow and pulled one down to bury her face into it.

"Oh, no you don't." Emily grabbed her foot and tugged. "C'mon. Shoes off at least," she said as she pried Paige's running shoe from her foot. Emily knew Paige would be more comfortable if she changed into pajama's but given the situation she couldn't see that happening

Groaning again, Paige turned over to glare at Emily, though her gaze was hazy and unfocued, not intimidating in the least. Emily returned the look with a glare of her own and Paige sat up slowly.

"Other foot." She tapped Paige's knee until she raised it, then pulled the shoe off.

She eyes Paige, her face heating in a blush at the thought, as she wondered if the other woman would be compliant in shedding her jeans and t-shirt. It would be much more comfortable for her when sleeping, especially as the alcohol started to wear

"Okay," she said, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly through her nose. Only way to do this was just power through. Get Paige out of her clothes and under the covers. Don't look. Don't let her hands touch...anything. "Let's get your shirt off." With shaky fingers, she gripped the hem of Paige's shirt and pulled it up. Paige wasn't exactly co-operative, the fabric twisted and tuggied as she sluggishly raised her arms, until eventually Emily finally managed to get the garmet over her head.

She ignored the heat that spread across her cheeks and down her neck, and the racing of her heart, and the fluttery feeling that bloomed in her chest. Just as she ignored the fact that Paige was sitting before her on the bed wearing only her jeans and a lacy black bra. That her torso was on display in all, and Emily truly did mean all, it's glory.

"Mmhmm," Paige murmured, swaying in place and reaching out to Emily, her hands settling on her hips to steady herself. "Le's get your shirt off." In a surprising display of co-ordination and reflexes, Paige tugged at Emily's shirt, getting it up and over her head almost before she knew it was even happening.

Her hands splayed out across Emily's newly bared sides and she pressed a lingering kiss to Emily's stomach.

Emily's knees went weak, nearly buckling. It was only the crutches wedged into her armpits, supporting most of her weight, that kept her upright.

"Paige," she murmured, her stomach fluttering as Paige's lips dragged across her abdomen. Her hands rose, of their own accord, and threaded into Paige's hair as a shiver coursed through her.

She let out a gasp as Paige's hands slid up her sides, coming to rest just below her breasts, fingertips slipping beneath the elastic of her bra. The rough callouses against her sensitive skin caused her to shiver anew. Goosebumps rose in the wake of their subtle strokes.

"Paige." Emily didn't know if she was protesting or encourging her. It felt so good. But, it was such a bad idea. Paige was drunk. Emily was...conflicted.

Paige's lips were soft and her breath warm as it tickled her skin, moving upward at an alarming rate. Emily's knees gave out beneath her and she collapsed into a heap on Paige's lap as Paige's lips pressed against the swell of her breast. Her tongue plyed lightly along the edge of Emily's bra, teasing beneath the fabric.

And it was wrong. It was so wrong. But all Emily could think about was Paige removing the flimsy barrier between her lips and Emily's skin and her mouth closing over the hardened, aching nipple. About running her nails down Paige's strong, smooth back and pressing her down into the mattress. Of relieving the ache that throbbed insistently between her legs.

"Paige, we can't." With effort, Emily pulled Paige's head away from her chest and slid backwards on her lap, almost upending herself. Paige's eyes blinked open and she stared blurrily at Emily, the unfocused, fuzzy gaze confirming for Emily that they couldn't do it. Not tonight. Not like this.

Slowly, she slid from Paige's lap, balancing herself awkwardly on her good leg.

"Emily," Paige whined, and reached for her. But Emily stilled her hand by taking them in her own. She laced their fingers together and gave a gentle squeeze before releasing her.

"Lie down, sweetie," she coaxed, pushing gently on her shouldres. "You need to sleep."

Paige's head listed forward, and then jerked back in an uncoordinated nod that made Emily wince. Slowly, she eased backwards on the bed and Emily did her best to pull the covers out from beneath her. When Paige's head was more or less square on the pillow, Emily pulled the blankets back up over her. She would just have to be okay with sleeping in jeans tonight, because Emily was not dealing with that.

"Sleep tight," she said, leaning down to press a soft kiss to Paige's forehead.

"Wait." Paige hand snaked out from beneath the blanket caught her wrist just as she was about to pull away. "Don't go."

Gently she extracted her hand from Paige's grasp. "I don't think that's such a good idea."

"Please, Em. I can't sleep in this bed alone." Her words were startlingly clear.

Emily glanced down into Paige's wide, pleading eyes. She bit her lip, debating. After a moment she let out a sigh.

"Fine," she said, pulling back the covers and sliding in next to Paige. "But, roll over. I'm going to be the big spoon." She didn't trust Paige not to have wandering hands, or her own ability to resist them if their positions were reveresed.

Slowly, Paige lumbered onto her side and Emily eased up behind her. She pressed her body along Paige's length and wrapped an arm around her waist. Paige's hand immediately found her own. She laced their fingers together and raised their joint hands to her lips, kissing Emily's knuckles before tucking their hands beneath her chin.

Unsurprisingly, Emily woke before Paige the next morning. Or rather afternoon, she amended after a quick glance at the clock on the bedside table. They had shifted throughout the night. Paige now lay on her stomach, her face buried in her pillow, and Emily lay draped half-across her back. A position she was in no hurry to move from. Paige's skin was soft and warm beneath her cheek, where it rested between her shoulder blades. The steady, even rise and fall of her breath a sort of lullaby that kept Emily in a drowsy, half-asleep state despite the knowing she should get up. Or at the very least, roll away. Instead, she did the opposite, burrowing in closer against Paige's body and closed her eyes, willing sleep to overtake her once again.

Her movements however caused Paige to stir in her sleep. The exact opposite of what she was going for. Reluctantly, Emily eased off her back, returning her head to her own pillow as Paige groaned and turned her head to the side. She pried one eye open and gazed blurrily at her.

"Morning, sunshine."

"Why are you yelling?" Paige whined, squeezing her eyes shut and burying her face in the pillow once again.

Emily bit back a chuckle. "Feeling a little rough?"

"Ugh." Paige flailed about with one hand, and pressed it against Emily's cheek, batting at it the way one might the snooze button on an alarm clock. Emily pushed the offending limb away. Paige grunted and turned onto her side, eyes still closed. Emily watched with a mixture of sympathy and amusement as Paige wincde against the harsh afternoon light that spilled into the room through the curtains that had been left open last night She reached out and rubbed her hand soothingly up and down Paige's back. Both feelings subverted by the silky smoothness of Paige's skin beneath her fingerstips and the fascination at the way the muscles subtly shifted with her touch.

Her hand fell to the bed and she let out a yelp of surprise as Paige suddenly rolled away from her touch and bolted from the room. A moment later she heard her retching from down the hallway. Emily's stomach churned and she gagged a little at the sound. Slowly she pushed herself up into a sitting position, wondering what she should do. It's not like she could exactly go in there and hold Paige's hair back. Kneeling with her cast on would be next to impossible. And, she had a feeling Paige wouldn't want Emily seeing her like that anyway. But, she felt guilty just sitting here, waiting for her to return.

After a moment's indecision she eased herself from the bed, fumbling for the crutches she had do hastily discarded last night, and made her way down the hall towards the upstairs bathroom. She paused outside the doorway, stomach in knots at the sounds of Paige's ragged breathing and heavy. Her protective instinct was in overdrive, but Emily resisted. She waited until she heard Paige's breathing return to normal. There was a shuffling sound, and then a flush. Emily took her cue and rounded the corner in time to see Paige trying to push herself to her feet.

"Hey, easy." She pressed down on her shoulder with one hand, guiding her back to lean against the tub. "I got it." She quickly filled a glass with cool tap water and handed it to Paige, who accepted it gratefully. Emily waited patiently as Paige sipped and swished a few times, spitting the water into the tub behind her, then handed her two asprin tablets. Paige offered a weak smile as she took them, chasing them down with a long swallow of water. When she had drained the glass she handed it back to Emily, looking sheepish.

"So, I guess we need to talk about last night, huh?"


	19. Chapter 19

Ale: I agree. It's time for them to have a conversation. I think they're still a ways of from resolving everything, but it will be good to clear up some of the misunderstanding and miscomunications.

Guest: I'm glad I could surprise you. And that you enjoyed their early morning closeness.

Guest: Hope this answers your question.

 **Chapter 19**

Twenty minutes later found them downstairs in the kitchen, both of them cleaned up and fully dressed. Paige had been the one to suggest they talk about the night before, but she seemed to be doing her best to avoid the topic now. She moved around the kitchen at an almost frantic pace, pulling ingredients from the fridge, opening and closer cupboards, riffling through drawers and constantly checking and double checking the dials on the stove. Her movements were rough and jerky, lacking their usual grace. She bumped into things a lot, the edge of the counter, a cupboard door left ajar, the side of the fridge. And a mess of spills littered the counter, milk that had dribbled over the side of the mixing bowl, egg that had cracked wrong, pieces of pepper and mushroom that had been cut with such force they'd skittered away. More muttered curses than Emily had ever heard Paige use filled the air.

Every time Emily opened her mouth to speak, she would get cut off. Paige would interrupt to ask if she wanted coffee, or if she would like peppers in her omelette, or did she feel like hashbrowns, to the point where Emily simply stopped trying to strike up a conversation. Instead she sat at the table, slowly sipping the coffee Paige had made for her, and then practically thrust into her hands.

Eventually however, there were no more vegetables to chop, no more eggs to flip, spills to wipe up or burners to watch. Breakfast was prepared and Paige was suddenly still and silent as she sank into the chair opposite. Tension radiated off her. It was in every line of her body, the set of her shoulders, the way she worked her jaw, the white-knuckle grip she had on her fork and the furrow in her brow.

Seeing Paige like this only served to make Emily feel tense and uneasy as well. She thought she had been handling things pretty well, she was a little embarrassed at having let things go so far, was a litltle uncertain for what it all meant. But, she wasn't freaking out the way she had been yesterday. She didn't feel so guilty for indulging, for taking advantage of Paige's openness in her drunken state. She still knew it was wrong, for letting it happen when Paige wasn't in full control of her faculties. But, Hannah's words played loudly in her conscious, reminding her that whatever had happened between them, Paige had been a willing participant.

Or at least, she hadn't felt guilty, or embarrassed. But, given the way Paige wouldn't look her directly in the eye, or allow her to finish a sentence, she was starting to falter.

"Look, Paige-"

"Em, I am so sorry about last night," Paige blurted, speaking over her.

Wait, what? Paige was apologizing to her? She thought Emily was mad? Upset?

Of course she did. Emily felt chagrined. She should have realized sooner that Paige had taken the blame for everything that had happened and put it on her own shoulders. Suddenly her aversion to discussing things made more sense. She had avoided the issue because she was trying to avoid an argument or getting yelled at or whatever it was that happened when Emily got mad at her.

Not that Emily could imagine ever being truly mad at her. It had to be impossible. Getting angry with Paige was like getting mad at a puppy, or a kitten.

"I was drunk. And, I know that's no excuse. There is no excuse. But-"

"I'm not mad about last night." Emily cut off Paige's ramblings, catching her up short. Her head snapped up and she stared at Emily, eyes wide, expression slack. It would have been adorable, if not for how guilty Emily knew Paige was feeling right now.

"You're not?" Paige ducked her head, directing her words at her plate, managing to sound both hopeful and fearful.

"No. I'm not." Emilly dipped her head, trying to catch her eye. When Paige wouldn't look at her, she reached across the table and gently tapped her chin up. Even as she raised her head, Paige was reluctant to meet her gaze, instead choosing to stare at some point just over Emily's left shoulder.

"Last night was...confusing," she admitted. "But, nothing happened that I didn't want to happen. You didn't...do anything that I didn't enjoy. Welcome, even." Her cheeks burned at her words.

Paige's gaze flicked to her own. "But I...upstairs. Your shirt...I..."

Emily had to swallow hard against a suddenly dry throat at the vague reminder of what Paige's had done. "Like I said. Nothing I didn't enjoy."

It was Paige's turn to blush, the color creeping into her cheeks and down her neck. "Oh." She dipped her head and stared hard at the table in front of her. "I..um...I don't know what you want me to say to that," she admitted after a long moment. She glanced back up, her eyes swirling with confusion as they met Emily's gaze. "Help me out here, Em."

Emily huffed a laugh. She was just as lost as Paige was in all this. She didn't know what this all meant any more than Paige did. Except for one thing. That she didn't fault Paige for her actions last night. "I don't really know what to say either." She shot Paige an apologetic smile. "I just don't want you to feel bad about what happened last night. It's not your fault, because there's nothing to blame."

Paige nodded, though she still looked uncertain. Emily knew Paige didn't fully believe her. She also knew that there was nothing she could do about that. Paige would continue to feel guilty over her supposed misbehavior no matter what Emily said.

"I mean it Paige." Still, Emily had to try.

"I know you do."

"Yeah? So then why are you still blaming yourself?"

"I'm not. I-"

"Don't lie to me, Paige. I know things have been difficult lately, but one thing we haven't done is lie to each other. I'm trying to be open and honest about what I'm going through. I need you to do the same."

Paige stared across the table at her with large, baleful eyes. Emily knew she was asking a lot from the other woman. It went against Paige's nature to do or say anything she thought might hurt Emily.

An uneasy silence fell between them. Emily shifted in her seat and fidgeted with the fork in her hands, getting antsy as she attempted to wait out Paige's confession. The silence was killing her. Unlike Paige, Emily wasn't one for processing everything internally. She liked having a listening ear, a sounding board. Often her mother had been that ear. Especially with the stuff she didn't feel like she could go to her friends about. The big stuff. The heavy stuff. But, her mom wasn't around right now. She was on a flight on her way to Texas. And besides, Emily felt like this was something the two of them should work out for themselves.

That's what couples did, right? They talked out their issues and sorted things out. And, technically they might not be a couple right now, but that was really just a formality. Paige was already all in, just waiting for Emily to say the words. So now Emily needed to step up and show Paige that she was fighting for them as well. Fighting for Paige just as hard as Paige was fighting for her.

But, how? What could she say that would possibly make this better?

"I was awake. Yesterday morning. When you were...touching me. I was awake." Emily , Paige's fork fell from her hand, landing on the plate with a clatter. Her face went ashen and her entire body went rigid with shock.

"Em-" Her voice sounded strangled.

"I knew I should have said something. Let you know I was awake. Stopped you."

"I am so sorry-"

"But, I didnt want you to stop. It felt too good." Emily rushed the words out over Paige's apology. They had the desired effect, and Paige cut herself off, staring at Emily in wide-eyed shock.

"I was disappointed when you pulled away." Disappointed and aroused, she completed the thought but couldn't bring herself to voice it. Even though she knew it would probably help Paige to know what Emily had done once she had left for her run, Emily could not say the words aloud.

"But, still. Em. Even-"

"Hannah said that, before the accident we..."she trailed off as she felt her cheeks heat up in a blush and an uncomfortable buzzing fill her body. She let out a sigh, frustrated that she couldn't get the words out. Her mind still refused to go there fully. Despite how good Paige's hand had felt on her body, she just wasn't ready to think about what it all meant. What touches and kisses like that would lead to. "Before the accident we had an active..." she swallowed hard, unable to get the words out.

Paige appeared to get her drift, if the blush on her cheeks and the glassy look in her eye was any indication. "Hannah would be correct," she muttered lowly.

"Right. Okay." Emily tried to ignore the way her skin felt tight and itchy and the way her head buzzed with static. Despite being mortified beyond belief at this conversation she was determined to see it through. "So it only stands to reason that sometimes we...slip. We-"

"Meaning me.

"Revert back into old patterns. Like, when we're tired and half asleep."

"Or, drunk off our asses," Paige added with a soft laugh, and Emily could see she was getting through to her. " I see your point. I just-"

"No. No justs. It's something that happened. There's no need to feel bad about it, or blame yourself or-"

"Okay. Okay." Paige held her hands up in surrender. "I get it."

Emily eyed her, trying to gauge if Paigewas being sincere, or just saying it to get Emily off her back.

"Seriously. I mean it."

"Okay." Emily nodded, satisfied that she'd made her point. "There is one thing about last night that's been bothering me though," Emily said slowly, wondering if she should even bring it up, but knowing if she didn't it would eat away at her.

"Yeah?" The word came out as more of a breath. A shaky, fearful breath.

"You had a lot to drink last night."

"Mmhmm."

"And I just worried. Was it because of me?"

"What? Em. No." Paige jerked in place, then sat up straight in her chair. "I swear, no." Her words were vehement. "I just lost track of how many beers I'd had. That's it. People kept bringing them over to me while I was cooking. And I was out in the sun all day. And I probably didn't eat as much as I should have. I just overdid it."

Emily studied her face. She didn't appear to be lying. The way she wore her heart on her sleeve, Emily doubted she had a deceptive bone in her body.

"You're sure that's it?"

"I promise you, that's it. I was having a good time with our friends. I got caught up. That's it."

"Okay." Emily breathed a sigh of relief.

A slightly more easy silence fell between them as they both turned their attention to their meals. The awkward remnants of the conversation slowly slipping away.

"So, you seem to be feeling better," Emily said after what she thought was a suitable interval had passed.

"Hmm?"

"This morning you were..." she trailed off, not wanting to talk about it while eating. "And now you're..." She waved a hand in Paige's general direction.

"Puke and rally, Em. Puke and rally." Paige seemed to have no such reservations.

"What?"

"Nothing. It's just something from college. One of the girls on the team used to-You know what, never mind. It doesn't matter. Yes, I'm feeling a lot better." Paige took a hearty bite of her omelette as if to prove her point. "How are you feeling? You up to doing something this afternoon?"

"Something, like what?" Emily was tired and kind of achy from the late night but nothing she couldn't handle. Especially if Paige had some kind of plans for them.

"I don't know. Something." Paige shrugged, trying to appear casual.

Like a date? Emily didn't voice the question, too afraid of the answer. What if Paige said yes? Or worse, what if she said no?

"I thought you might like to get out of the house for a bit."

Emily nodded. Paige didnt need to sell her on the idea. Anything was better than being cooped up inside all day. And anything Paige had planned, she was game for.

"That'd be nice."

"Yeah?" Paige's eyes lit up, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

"Yeah." Definitely a date. She thought. You didn't get that excited to go out as just friends. Although, Emily had been awfully eager to get coffee with the girls. So, maybe after everything that had happened in the past few weeks you did get that excited to go out with friends. Emily didn't exactly have to be hard pressed to admit that she was looking forward to their not-a-date date just as much as Paige was.


	20. Chapter 20

Guest: Thank you. I'm glad you're enjoying the story and I hope that you enjoy their date.

Guest: Yeah, Paige is like uber-girlfriend. She's got a pretty special day planned and I hope that you enjoy it.

Ale: Don't worry, the awkwardness between them is fading away. And, I will reveal more about their past, but the story is going to become more about their present than their past.

Guest: Yes, awkward but necessary. And they still have a ways to go, but I think Emily is getting better about being open and not getting embarrased or closed off about things.

Nyxxn I'm thinking that at this point, Emily's relationship status would read it's complicated. She and Paige are so ingrained in each other's lives but there is so much grey area and confusion as to what exactly that means. I'm glad you enjoy the characterizations of them.

 **Chapter 20**

"So, where are we going? Should I change?" It was a little late to be asking such a question, as they were already halfway out the door. But Paige had been so tight-lipped about her plans for the afternoon. Every time Emily had asked what they were doing Paige had answered with "you'll see" or "it's a surprise." It wasn't that Emily minded being whisked away to an undisclosed location. She trusted Paige.. She just hated the feeling of not being prepared. Not to mention she wanted to make sure she was apporpriately attired. It was something Paige wouldn't give much thought to, whether or not she had the right shoes or if it would get hot, or if she would be chilly.

"No. You're fine," Paige said distractedly as she pulled on her jacket and pocketed her car keys.

"Just fine?" Emily glanced at the loose polyester pants she had thrown on because they were easy to get over her cast and the peasant top that went with them. The outfit was okay for lounging around the house, which is what she thought they were doing today. Or even for running out to the grocery store or for coffee. But really, the outfit was only a step or two up from p.j's or sweats.

Of course, Paige's outfit gave away nothing. She had on a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt. Fairly non-descript and not exactly fancy. But the leather jacket and the boots dressed up the look, making it suitable for pretty much anything.

"What?" Paige finally glanced over and caught Emily's dubious expression as she surveyed her outfit. "You look beautiful, Em."

She glanced up at Paige's words and rolled her eyes. "You're just saying that because you don't want to have to wait around down here while I find something else to wear."

"I'm saying that because it's the truth," Paige countered, tucking an errant strand of hair behind Emily's ear. The sincerity in her gaze made Emily's stomach flip, the feeling both thrilling and uncomfortable.

She shivered at the touch, though Paige's fingers trailed heat across her skin.

"Of course, you would look beautiful in a burlap sack." Her hand lingered against the side of Emily's face. Her smile was soft, and Emily felt her own lips turn up in response.

"I know you meant that as a compliment, but it doesn't actually help your case here," she said with a laugh.

Paige frowned. "How does it not?"

"Because even if I could make a burlap sack look good," which Emily highly doubted but she wasn't going to get into that debate right now, "it doesn't mean that a burlap sack is appropriate."

Paige's forhead furrowed as she tried to follow Emily's logic, and she looked so adorable that Emily couldn't help but chuckle. She reached up and laid her hand over Paige's, drawing it away from her face and lacing their fingers together.

"I'm trusting you're not lying to me, McCullers," she said, giving her a little tug towards the door. It was the middle of the afternoon. She didn't suppose that there was anywhere too fancy Paige could really take her at this time of day anyway.

Paige stumble stepped away from her, then extracted her hand from Emily's grasp to help guide her down the porch steps and along the walkway to the car.

"Are you really not going to tell me where we're going?" she questioned as soon as they were settled in the car.

"Are you really that confused on the definition of surprise?"

Emily huffed and crossed her arms. She cut her gaze to the window, unable to keep herself from pouting at the lack of information. More so at her inability to pry it from Paige. She'd tried every trick in the book, from wide pleading eyes to protruding lower lip to wide, winning smiles, anyting she could think of to wheedle something out of Paige. But of course this had to be the one time Paige stood firm. It would be cute if she weren't so annoyed at the fact that her efforts had failed her.

"Wait, you're not really mad are you?"

Emily turned her head further towards the window, biting back a smile at the sweetly cajoling tone in Paige's voice. She felt Paige's hand on her elbow.

"Em? Hey, Em. Look at me."

Paige tugged lightly on her elbow and she turned to find Paige staring back at her, panic and uncertainty filling her eyes and her stomach dropped as she realized Paige had taken her silence for genuine anger.

"Aww. Shit. I'm sorry. I was just playing." Paige's tone was soft and apologetic. "Look, don't be mad. I'll tell you where we're going. We'll even go home so you can change if you want to-"

"Hey, easy." Emily interrrupted. "I'm not mad." As endearing as Paige's impassioned words and wide doe-eyes were, she couldn't stand to actually upset her. "I'm sorry. I was just annoyed that I couldn't get anything out of you." She offered up a smile, hoping it would ease some of Paige's concern. Her heart beat loudly, trepidation filling her as Paige continued to stare at her, looking wounded. And then slowly her face relaxed in a smile.

"Whew." She mimed wiping sweat from her brow. "You really had me going there for minute."

Emily relaxed along with her. "Sorry."

"No worries." Paige said as returned her focus to the road. Emily turned her head against the seat back, watching Paige drive instead of staring out the window. She looked calm, cool and collected. Completely at ease and totally herself, with her jacket collar turned up and her sunglasses resting on top of her head. Her grip on the wheel light and easy, her posture relaxed. The wind ruffled her hair and the afternoon sun reflected off it in shiny reds and golds. A half-smile played on her lips and she tapped her fingers lightly against the wheel to the beat of the song playing softly on the radio. Her movements were smooth and sure as she slowed, braked and turned. It was, Emily realized, the first time she had been in a car since the accident where she felt completely comfortable. And it was all because of Paige, and the way she quietly took care of her, driving carefully, slowing for corners and keeping a distance between them and the car ahead.

As if sensing Emily's gaze, Paige glanced over. "What?"

Embarassed at being caught out Emily looked away, a blush heating her cheeks. "Nothing," she said, giving a shake of her head. And then shook her head again, this time at herself. No. She wasn't going to do that anymore. She wasn't going to ignore or deny what she was thinking or feeling. She had asked Paige to be honest with her and she needed to do the same. They were never going to move forward if she didn't stop being afraid of her thought and her bodies reactions.

"You look good," she said softly.

Paige did a double take.. "I'm sorry, what?"

"You heard me," Emily said, rolling her eyes. But, she wasn't afraid to say it again. That was the whole point, wasn't it? She was being open. Honest. "You look good," she repeated. "You're very pretty."

She was more than pretty. She was beautiful. Breathtaking.. But, Emily was not used to paying other women compliments. In middle school she had been much too shy, blushing and stammering when the guys in her class or the more popular girls paid her any attention. She certainly had never been bold enough to answer back. She felt out of her depth here. She had no idea how to flirt. If that's what this even was.

Paige's cheeks pinked, and a smile tugged at her lips. She ducked her head, mumbling a thanks. "Not as pretty as you," Paige said, boldy meeting her eye with a look that was almost as challenging.

Emily thought it was cute that Paige could so easily shower her with attention and compliments but got shy and embarrassed when Emily returned the favor. It only served to make her more endearing. "C'mon now. Don't do that. You're gorgeous."

Predictably, Paige blushed again and averted her gaze. Emily felt her own cheeks burning. The words felt foreign on her lips, but saying them stirred up a sort of warm, pleasant buzzing in her chest.

"Now, are you going to tell me where we're going?" she questioned to divert the weird charge that crackled in the air between them.

Paige huffed a laugh. "You're just not giving that up are you? Well, you're in luck because we're almost there."

Emily glanced around looking for a familiar landmark or indication as to where they might be going but the town and the surrounding areas had changed so much in ten years. She didn't recognize any of the buildings they were passing. It wasn't until Paige turned a corner and she caught a glimpse of a sign up ahead that she realized where they were going. Unable to help herself, she bounced lightly in her seat, excitement overtaking her.

"Seriously?" she asked, glancing over at Paige for confirmation.

Paige nodded. "So, does this mean you like the surprise?"

"Like it, I love it."

Emily stared out the windshield as the ampitheatre crept into view. It was a natural formation in the side of a hill, a deep bowl where a bandstand had been built at the bottom. The gradually sloping lawn leading down into it was ideal for people to set up lawn chairs or blankets to sit or lay and watch the entertainment below.

She had come here all the time with her parents when she was younger. Every time her dad came home from a deployment the first outing they took as a family was here. They would pack a picnic lunch or dinner and find a spot on the grass and watch plays or listen to music or to see the showing of some old black and white film or holiday movie. And while her dad was away she and her mom would come here on the weekends. This place held so many special memories for her.

She was about to turn and ask Paige how she knew but caught herself at the last moment, realizing that she must have shared that piece of information with her at some point or another. When she saw Paige gazing softly back at her, eyes full of warmth and affection she realized that she and Paige might have some special memories themselves in this place. And she felt a pang of sadness that she couldn't recall them.

"Hey, what is it?" Paige asked, immediately picking up on the change in her mood. It was sweet the way she could read Emily so well. And it made Emily feel even worse about all the things she couldn't remember. All the anniversaries and birthdays and little moments and inside jokes between them, all the things that people, that couples, built their relationships on, gone in the blink of an eye she realized. For the first time since the accident Emily felt like she really, truly, grasped everything she had lost.

It wasn't just the fact that she couldn't remember, it was the connections that came with those memories. Connections that could be re-forged but not duplicated. Even if she rebuilt her friendships, even if she and Paige started dating, it would be the same as what they had once shared.

"We can go somewhere else, if you want."

Emily shook her head, blinking away the tears burning at her eyelids and trying to shake of the heavy feeling in her heart. "No. No, let's stay." She forced a smile, but she knew it wasn't convincing, as Paige continued to frown at her in concern.

Unable to face that look any longer, she popped the car door open and shifted in her seat so she could slide to the ground. At her movements Paige sprang into action, slipping out of the car and jogging around the front of the car. She was there with a steadying hand as Emily got her feet under her, arm slipping easily around her waist until Emily had her balance. She kept a loose touch on the small of Emily's back as she reached into the backseat for Emily's crutches and handed them to her. As Emily positioned them under her arms Paige reached into the space behind the backseat and pulled out a blanket and a soft cooler bag. Emily frowned at her for a moment, she had not seen Paige put that back there, but quickly the expression turned up into a wry smile. She really shoudn't be surprised.

"You really are such a girl scout," she said with a shake of her head. Paige threw her hand up in the girl scout salut before slinging the blanket over her shoulder, followed by the bag. For her teasing, Emily was both impressed and pleased that Paige seemed to have all the bases covered.

It was slow going across the grass, the uneven terrain forcing Emily to take her time and place her crutches carefully, but Paige was patient, silently keeping pace beside her until Emily declared them in the perfect spot. They were about a third of the way down the hill, just left of center, still within the shade of one of the large oaks that grew along the lip of the hill.

Paige dropped the bag onto the grass and pulled the blanket off her shoulder. As she unfurled it and laid it out on the grass, kneeling to flatten it down, Emily glanced down at the bandstand for a hint of what they were here to see. The stage was empty, save for a banner accouncing the theatres summer concert series. She turned her attention back to Paige, who had just finished securing the corners of the blanket down and was now uplling a bottle of wine and some wine glasses out of the cooler. They were followed by some crackers, cheese, a container of grapes and a large chocolate bar.

Emily might not have a lot of dating experience but even she could tell that Paige had a knack for romance on the fly. Any doubt about whether or not this was a date dissapeared as she took in the setting. An outdoor concert. A blanket in the grass with wine and finger foods. This did not have a just-friends vibe to them.

"Okay. All set." Paige popped back up to her feet, interrupting Emily's train of thought. She glanced at Emily, then down at her cast, a frown suddenly marring her features. "Oh, right," she muttered. Emily knew better than to tease her about maybe not being such a girl scout after all. Her face brigthtened once again. "There's a foldable camp chair in the trunk. Just give me one second-"

"No, wait." Emily interrupted. An idea occuring to her. Before she had a moment to contemplate whether it was a good idea or not, she reached for Paige's arm. "Help me down."

Hesitantly, Paige gripped her elbow in one hand and wrapped an arm around her waist with the other, offering support as Emily extended her cast leg out in front of her and eased herself down onto the blanket. Once settled, Emily reached behind her and tugged Paige down beside her. The sudden force on her arm had Paige dropping to the ground with a thud, legs splayed on either side of Emily. Before Paige could scoot away, Emily put a hand on her knee, and leaned back. Paige, thankfully, took the hint, and remained in place, wrapping an arm securely around Emily's waist for support .

"Is this okay?" Emily asked, even though she was certain she knew the answer.

"This is perfect." Paige's breath tickled the side of her neck, and her lips brushed faintly against Emily's skin at her words, making her shiver. "You cold?" Paige tightened her grip, tugging Emily a little closer to her.

She wasn't, but Emily wasn't about to admit that and have Paige pull away. Instead of answering, she draped one arm along Paige's leg, idly tracing patterns against her knee-cap and lay the other over Paige's, where it encircled her waist.

She felt a litle guilty, like maybe the contact was selfish, considering what Hannah had revealed to her the other day. But, Paige didn't seem to mind. And it felt nice. All warm and comfortable and...easy, sitting here with Paige like this.

She thought about asking Paige if they had been here before. If this place held some significance to them, or their relationship. But just when the question was on the tip of her tongue, she decided not to drag the past into things and instead let today be about living in the moment.

No matter how many stories Paige told her about their past, no matter how many pictures she looked at or details she took in it would not replace the actual memories. Sure, their history was important. And Emily did want to know all about it. But she couldn't dwell on it. She couldn't live the rest of her life trying to recreate or live up to the past. All she could do was make new memories.

And, as far as that went, today seemed like a pretty perfect way to start. They talked quietly, about anything, about everything, and sat in comfortable silences as the lawn around them began to fill up with people, couples and groups of teens and college kids and familiies spreading out across the grass. On stage, crew members started to set up, a drum kit, amps, mic stands appearing and positioned on stage. Emily knew better than to ask. And at this point she didn't even really care who they were here to watch. The afternoon was about so much more than whatever band walked out on stage.

That's not to say she didn't enjoy the performances of the warm up bands that came out to enjoy the crowd. Their music was unfamiliar but often repetitive enough that she could pick up a few lines or a chorus before a song was over, allowing her to sing along softly.

It was was nearing dusk as the last opening act stepped off the stage and the emcee came on to introduce the headliner. Even though Emily didn't expect to recognize the name she still held her breath in anticipation, waiting.

"And, give it up for..."

Emily inhaled a sharp breath and tipped her head back to look at Paige, who was staring back at her, a slightly smug smirk on her lips. Of course Paige would somehow manage to bring her to a concert for her favorite band from high school.

"You think you're so smooth, don't you?"

Paige raised her eyebrows and tipped her head to the side, her smirk only growing wider. Emily shook her head, both impressed and irritated. She was just so damn perfect all the time. Sweet and thoughtful and kind. And she made it all look so effortless. It was annoying. Emily felt like she was falling behind, that she was failing in showing Paige how she felt. And she knew that Paige wasn't keeping score, which made it even worse.

"You're missing it," Paige whispered, nodding towards the stage. Emily tore her gaze away from Paige long enough to watch the band file on. The familiar faces older and more lined than she remembered, but as they launched into their first song, an original she recognized, it was like slipping back in time. Suddenly she was 14 again, lying on her bed with her headphones on playing music at full blast. Around them, people started getting up to dance. Emily wished she could get up as well, that she could move to the music with Paige. But, she didn't miss the action as much as she thought she would and was actually pretty content to sit encircled in Paige's arms and just listen.

After a few minutes of watching the band work the stage, she tilted her head back once again, watching Paige watch the band. Her head bobbed lightly in time with the beat and she mouthed the words along with the lead singer. Emily smiled watching her.

It only took a few minutes for Paige's cheeks to darken in a blush, self-conscious under Emily's gaze. She turned to look at her, brows raised in question. "What?"

Emily didn't look away or blush herself, not embarrased to have been caught staring this time. "You're pretty amazing," she whispered, her smile growing as Paige, predictably, ducked her head. "Today has been amazing. Thank you."

"What, you think I did this for you?" Paige teased. "This is my favorite band. I just let you tag along."

Emily recognized that tactic for what it was. Humor to deflect a situation. And while normally she might play along today she refused to diminish the moment. She reached up, cupping Paige's chin with her hand and turning her face gently to meet her eye.

"Thank you," she said softly, sincerely. Paige swallowed hard, Emily felt her jaw shift beneath her hand with the effort, but she didn't look away. After a moment she nodded. Emily's hand lingered for a moment and then she pulled away. She let it fall back to lay across Paige's arm, where it wrapped around her waist. She traced her fingers along the backs of Paige's knuckles before lacing their hands together. She felt the faintest of kisses pressed against her temple and it made her eyes flutter shut.

She wished they could hang here in this moment.

As the band played, the sun started to sink below the horizon behind them. The sky slowly morphing from a fiery mix of oranges and golds to pale red. Strobes and overhead lights on the bandstand fought to combat the growing darkness but soon the sky was a deep, dark velvet. The moon was a sliver, the stars faintly twinkling jewels. And it was all impossibly beautiful.

The temperature dipped along with the sun, but Emily barely felt the change. The goosebumps on her arms kept at bay by Paige's hand rubbing gently up and down them. The cool air pressing down around them no match for their combined body heat. As the band announced they were slowing it down for the last song of the night, Emily was comfortably, toasty warm in Paige's arms.

The song started with a low, steady baseline. It's gentle thrumming working it's way through Emily's body. It wasn't until the drums came in, slow and rolling that she recognized the tune. One of her favorites from their first album.

"May I have this dance?" Paige's voice husked softly in her ear, and she felt herself nodding before she'd even processed the feasibility of the request. She was pretty sure Paige could have asked her anything in that gentle rasp and she would have agreed.

Slowly, Paige eased herself out from behind Emily, the loss of contact making her frown. Suddenly, this didn't seem like a good idea after all. Then Paige was helping her to her feet. And the next thing she knew, Paige's arms were wrapping around her waist and their bodies were pressed together. And Emily realized this was the best idea they'd had all day. She circled her ams around Paige's neck and rested her head on Paige's shoulder, face turned in to tuck just under her chin. She could feel the steady strum of Paige's heart and the rise and fall of her chest beneath her ear. Her body was warm and solid against Emily's as they swayed sowly to the music. Paige's hands soothed soft circles up and down her back. Emily closed her eyes and burrowed further into Paige's body and felt Paige's grip tighten around her waist in response.

All too soon the moment was over. The final chords of the song fell away and the ensuing silence echoed, loud and jarring. Slowly the murmur of conversation and the rustle of people gathering their things filled the air. Reluctantly, Emily lilfted her head and pulled away.

Paige loosened her grip, but didn't let go completely. Emily didn't want to be the one to break the contact so she lingered in the embrace. Paige's eyes shone softly in the moonlight, and Emily found herself lost in them. She toyed softly with the fine hairs on the back of Paige's neck, the strands silky beneath her touch. Their lips were mere inches apart. Emily could feel the whisp of Paige's breath against her skin. Could detect the faint sweetness of the wine she had drank. Her gaze darted down. Her lips looked soft, were soft, a niggling voice in the back of her head reminded her. Soft and inviting. Her breath hitched in her throat and her pulse picked up it's pace. She had a mere moment to decide if she was taking a step forward, or making a monumental mistake, before she closed the short distance between them and captured Paige's lips in a soft, sweet kiss.


	21. Chapter 21

Guest: Yeah. I think Paige is pretty much exactly what Emily needs. She's doing her best to live up to her promise to win Emily over.

Ale: A little something at the end of the chapter to reward you all for your patience. And, the slow build will continue from there. This story is a joy and a pleasure to write, but getting reviews like yours makes it even more so. Thank you.

Guest Thank you. :)

Nyxxyn I didn't really think of it either, until I started writing this and began to think about all of the ways our memories play a part in who we are. I'm glad you enjoyed the date. And, the kiss.

 **Chapter 21**

Paige murmured softly in the back of her throat as they slowly parted from the kiss, the sound an echo of what Emily was feeling Her heart raced in her chest. She was suprised it hadn't beat it's way right through her rib cage. There was a faint buzzing in her head, an odd sort of static that blocked out all thoughts except for a few half-formed impulses such as _more_ and _again._ Her lips, no her whole body, tingled with pins and needles.

Slowly her eyes fluttered open, and she caught site of Paige staring down at her. Her gaze was full of uncertainty, full of questions, but thankfully she didn't voice any of them. Instead she quickly gathered up their things and guided Emily back to the car.

The ride home was spent in contemplative silence. Emily was still on cloud nine from the kiss. Her lips and toes and fingertips still tingled. And she had to fight to keep her brain from going all fuzzy reliving it.

It was far from their first kiss. But it sure felt like one. Maybe because it was their first kiss that was intentional and deliberate, not accidental or impulsive. Maybe it was the romance of the moment, moonlight and dancing, staring into each other's eyes. But, for the first time it felt right.

That didn't mean Emily didn't still have her doubts. It didn't change what she had said to Paige a few days ago. She still didn't know who she was. She still didn't know what she could bring to a relationship. She would never be the Emily Fields she once was. Even if she got her memories back, the things she had experienced in the past few weeks had affected her. And she was still figuring out what it meant to her to be Emily Fields now. But, for the first time she was starting to wonder how much that really mattered. Maybe she didn't need to have all the answers right away.

She glanced over at Paige, who had been quiet since the kiss. She seemed distracted as she drove. Her grip was tight on the wheel, her posture tense, her jaw clenched tight. Even though she had to feel Emily's gaze on her, she didn't glance over. Didn't blush or try to hide a smile. Emily's heart ached for her, because she knew Paige was just waiting for the easy let down. For the regret in Emily's eyes and the apology in her tone.

Emily couldn't blame her. She'd been back and forth with Paige's affections, with her heart so many times all ready. But it still hurt, because that wasn't what she was doing this time. Maybe she had gotten caught up in a moment. Maybe she had been impulsive in leaning up and kissing Paige. But, it wasn't an accident. She didn't regret it.

She was too far past being able to ignore or deny her attraction to Paige. She couldn't pretend she didn't know what that fluttery feeling in her stomach meant any longer. She knew. And she was done avoiding it. Done telling herself it didn't effect her. Done pretending that she didn't enjoy it. That she didn't want to make it happen again and again.

The feeling of Paige's lips against her own had been exquisit. Soft and sweet, tasting like wine with a hint of spice. Just like Paige. The way Paige had pulled her close, pressing their bodies impossibly tight, her hands gripping Emily's hips, posseseive but also careful, considerate. Again, just like Paige. It was everything to Emily, in that moment. All she had wanted. All she could imagine ever wanting.

So no, there would be no apologies tonight. No regret. She wasn't going to let Paige down easy, once again. She was going to stop fighting and embrace what was happening. Sure, it was scary and daunting but it was also thrilling and exciting. And she didn't have to go through it alone. Paige would be there, at her side, guiding her every step of the way, reassuring her when she faltered, holding her up when she fell.

Much like she had been doing all along, really, but this time, Emily was there at Paige's side to return the favor. She knew it wasn't going to be easy. Knew that there were still a lot of bumps ahead. But she wasn't afraid any longer.

Paige pulled the car into the driveway and pulled the key out of the ignition with a flick of her wrist. The radio cut out abruptly, and the engine ticking as it started to cool sounded inordinately loud in the ensuing silence. She reached for her door handle without a word. Emily stopped her with a hand on her wrist. Sighing softly Paige let her hand drop from the door, though she didn't turn to face Emily. Instead she stared out the window. Emily squeezed her hand, hoping the touch would offer reasurance, but Paige tensed under the touch. Disheartened, Emily slowly pulled her hand away.

"Today was a great day," she said, hesitantly. Paige nodded, but still wouldn't glance her way. "It was pretty much the perfect day." Again, Paige nodded. And this time, Emily swore she saw her wince.

Clearly, Paige was expecting this to be the part of the conversation where Emily voiced her regrets, where she said, 'it was great but,' where she cut Paige off at the knees. Emily really wished that Paige would look at her. She felt like, if Paige could see her eyes she would see what Emily was really feeling.

"And, you want to know my favorite part?" She reached up and cupped Paige's cheek lightly. She felt the muscles of Paige's jaw work under her touch but ignored the faint flinch and turned Paige to face. "My favorite part was this." She leaned across the console between them and gently captured Paige's lips in a soft, lingering kiss.

When she pulled back Paige was looking at her, expression dazed. "Em..." Her voice was questioning. "What does this mean?"

"It means, I loved being with you today. Every moment of our day was perfect. Even the not so perfect moments when things were tense and we weren't communicating properly," she said, remembering how close they had come to bickering a couple times. "It means that being with you makes me feel warm and safe and...and loved."

She whispered the last word, still a little uncertain about that. She knew she cared about Paige. But she had never been in love with someone before and feelings of that magnitude scared her a little. She wasn't sure she was ready to go there. Not yet. But, she couldn't deny that there were feelings there. More than friendly feelings. More than just mere physical attraction. There was still a lot for her to sort out, but she was ready to start taking steps towards that.

"And I can't...I'm not..." she let out a frustrated sigh and ran a hand through her hair. "I care about you. And I want to see where this goes." It was such a lame thing to say. The words nowhere near matching the intensity of their situation. But, they were the only words she had in her vocabulary that she could use to express herself.

"So you're saying..."Her gaze flicked down to Emily's lips, her thoughts clear even if she didn't voice them.

"I'm saying there will definitely be more of this." Once again Emily leaned in, only this time Paige leaned in as well, closing the space between them, eagerly meeting Emily's lips with her own. The kiss was slow and tender, and Emily could practically feel Paige's emotions pouring out of it.

When they pulled apart, Emily's head was spinning.. And Paige was beaming at her, a wide, dopey grin that lit up her whole face. She did a fist pump, mouthing the word 'yes' and Emily couldn't help but laugh.

"You are such a dork," she teased, but leaned forward, feeling Paige smiling into the kiss as she captured her lips once again.

Paige's hand slid up the side of her neck, her fingers curling around around the back of her head, her thumb gently stroking Emily's jaw as she slowly deepened the kiss. Butterflies erupted in Emily's stomach as she felt Paige's tongue brush softly againt her bottom lip. A sigh parted her lips and Paige took it as invitation to delve into her mouth.

Emily's heart leapt, panic washing over her as the reality, the gravity of what she was doing hit her. Then Paige's tongue slowly swirled around Emily's, drawing her further into the kiss and the panic receeded, pure want rushing in to take its place. A moan built in her throat but she swallowed it down, and chased Paige's tongue back into her mouth. Her breath hitched and shivers skittered down her spine at the sensation of exploring the wet, warm space. They dueled slowly, breathing growing ragged. Emily could feel her lungs starting to protest the lack of oxygen. The feeling remniscent of straining underwater for one more stroke before surfacing to breath. She inhaled sharply through her nose, trying to prolonge the kiss. The quick influx of oxygen allowing her another moment of Paige's lips against her as the heady, dizzy feeling it invoked. Until finally she was forced to pull away, chest heaving as she struggled to pull oxygen into her lungs.

Eyes still closed, she leaned her forehead against Paige's. The car was silent save for their ragged, uneven breathing. And eventually even that faded out, leaving them in quiet stillness. Emily's heart still pounded rapidly in her chest, the panic having faded, but the adrenaline still running strong.

"You okay?" Paige whispered, voice full of trepidation.

"Winded," Emily rasped as she nodded, hoping Paige would understand that her silence was nothing negative.

Paige pressed a soft kiss to her lips, then pulled back, trailing feather light kisses along her nose until finally reaching her forehead, where she pressed one final kiss before leaning back in her seat, her hand falling from Emily's neck to her shoulder, and traling down her arm. She stopped when she reached Emily's hand and tentatively cupped it in her own.

Slowly, Emily opened her eyes and regarded Paige, who was looking back at her with a mixture of wonder and fear. Carefully she thread her fingers through Paige's and gave her hand a little squeeze.

"We've still got a lot to talk about," she acknowledged. "But, I don't regret this. I'm not taking it back, or changing my mind."

"I'm glad," Paige said simply.

They sat for another moment, holding hands and staring across the short distance between them, until finally Paige sighed and suggested they head inside. Emily didn't know why, but she was reluctant when she agreed.

She supposed that she was worried that the magic of the night would be broken once they stepped out of the car, once they left the safe little bubble of their evening spent together. They would get inside and the realities of their lives would start pressing in on them. Paige would have to answer emails and finish up paperwork and Emily would...what? Pace restlessly around the house because she didn't have work or hobbies of her own? She had no idea what it was she did to bide her time.

She forced herself not to dwell on it as Paige helped her out of the car and strolled beside her up to the house. She leaned heavily on her crutches as Paige unlocked the front door and groped around inside for the foyer light, which they had forgotten to leave on when they left. After such a great evening, it seemed wrong to feel so morose. But she was learning that the best highs brought the hardest lows.

Paige headed into the kitchen, and Emily followed her automatically. She dropped down into one of the chairs at the table as Paige made her way to the stove and grabbed the kettle.

"Tea?" she asked over her shoulder, and Emily nodded. The question must have been somewhat rhetorical, because Paige didn't turn around to check on her response but she pulled two mugs down from the cupboard anyway. Maybe this was something they did, an evening routine Emily had no recollection of.

Paige moved deftly around the kitchen, getting tea bags from a canister on the counter and grabbing honey from the cupboard. She lifted the kettle from the burner the moment it started to whistle and poured into cups without spilling a drop, the fragrant steam filling the room with a spicy scent Emily couldn't quite distinguish.

Emily watched her prepare this drinks without a word, though she wondered over the method. Honey, but no sugar? Only that much milk? She doubted she would enjoy the drink, but didn't have the heart to say anything.

"Living room?" Paige suggested, turning around with a mug in each hand. Emily nodded and rose to her feet. She led the way into the other room and dropped down onto the couch. Paige settled in beside her and handed her one of the mugs. She accepted it with a smile she hoped did not display her uncertainty.

"I've still got a bit of work to do," Paige said, as she wound an arm around Emily's shoulder and eased her in close. "But I thought we could just sit for a few minutes."

Emily snuggled into the embrace, wrapping one hand securely around the mug's handle and lacing the fingers of her other with Paige's. "Sounds like a good idea to me," she said, blowing softly on the drink before taking a tentative sip. She was suprised at the sweetness of the liquid that met her tongue and took another, longer sip. She felt, more than heard Paige's chuckle and shot her best scowl in her direction. But Paige's grin only broadened.

"Did you really think I wouldn't know how to make your tea?"

Emily just rolled her eyes, trying to play it off. The issue wasn't that Paige knew how Emily took her tea. It was that Emily didn't know how she took her tea. It was such a small, stupid thing.

"Hey, Em. Talk to me."

Emily shook her head, trying to dispell the feeling. She didn't want to ruin a perfect day. "It's nothing."

"It's not nothing, if it's upsetting you." Paige placed her mug on the coffee table, then gently extracted Emily's from her grasp and set it town as well.

"I'm not...upset. It just hits me every so often. There is so much that I've lost. And I don't just mean the big memories, like you and me. But, the little stuff too, like how I take me tea. Or...or...what my favorite movie is. Because somehow I don't think it's Freaky Friday anymore. Or, what books I like to read. I mean, last thing I remember my book shelf was full of Harry Potter."

"Well your bookshelf is still..." Paige started but cut herself off at Emily's glare.

"And I know that it must seem trivial to you, things like your favorite song when you were in college or where to get the best slice of pizza or..or.." she was running out of or's. There were just so many things that she couldn't even name them all. That was the hardest part of it. There were a million different things that she didn't even realize she wasn't aware of anymore.

"Hey now. When did I ever give you the impression that I thought what you were going through was trivial?"

Emily's temper flared, and she wanted to pick a fight. Wanted to say something to rile Paige up, because maybe being angry at her would be easier than this feeling of loss. But, she held her tongue and took a couple deep breaths instead.

"I'm not saying you have," she said once she finally felt in control "It's just the past ten years of my life are this big black hole. And sometimes I think I've got a handle on it and then something comes along and it just hits me all over again. And it feels like I'm back in that hospital room, having the rug pulled out from under me."

Paige's arm tightened around her shoulder, and her other came up to circle around her waist. "I'm sorry, Em. What can I do?"

Of course Paige would want to make it better for her. And honestly, Emily wished she could. She wished Paige could just sweep in and make everything okay again. But, that's not how this worked. She just shook her head sadly and pulled Paige's arms more tightly around her.

Sitting with Paige like this quieted the inner turmoil. It didn't fix anything, but it made Emily feel like things weren't quite so insermountable. Paige's body was warm and solid against her, her arms strong and secure around her. She tipped her head back, and found the underside of Paige's jaw, pressing a trail of kisses along it, until Paige turned and met Emily's lips with her own. The kiss was soft and sweet, and spoke of reassurance and promise, but it was also hungry, and a little bit needy.

The butterflies had started going crazy at the first touch of her lips to Paige's jaw, and only worked themselves up into a greater frenzy with each successive kiss. It was quickly becoming a familiar feeling to her. Familiar, but not accustomed. She doubted she would ever get used to it. She hoped she wouldn't.

Along with the butterflies came the stirring of arousal a little lower in her stomach. A feeling not quite as familiar but equally enticing. Emily's hand untangled from Paige's to reach up and cup the side of her head, pulling her deeper into the kiss. The position was akward, it strained Emily's neck and had her back arching uncomfortably but she kept tugging, pulling Paige into her, never quite feeling like they were close enough.

Without breaking the kiss, Paige shifted from sitting beside her to sitting half-twisted, facing her. The arm around Emily's shoulder shifted slid down to her back, supporting her weight as she slowly eased Emily backwards. Her other hand came to rest on Emily's thigh, which she tugged gently until her injured leg was stretched out along the length of the couch. The feel of Paige's hand against the outside of her thigh, the way her thumb curled around toward the inside, even through the material of her pants was enough to stoke the simmering arousal.

Paige swung on leg over Emily's good one, so she was hafl-hovering over her, straddling her thigh. Emily let out a moan at the feeling of Paige's weight settling against her, pushing her gently down into the over-stuffed cushions of the couch, and wound her arms around Paige's back, pulling her down more firmly against her. The new position sent a painful tug down her side, but it wasn't strong enough to over-ride the intensity of Paige on top of her, lips and tongue plying deeply against her own.

Slowly, her hands began to wander up and down Paige's back, sliding across her shoulders and along the base of her spine. The smooth cotton fabric was soft against beneath her tough, but Emily's fingers itched for the silkiness of Paige's skin. She slipped her hands beneath the fabric of her t-shirt, and traced her fingertips along the small of Paige's back, then up the curve of her spine. Paige's muscles rippled and shifted beneath her touch, and she groaned into Emily's mouth.

She dragged her nails down Paige's back, enjoying the way the other woman shuddered against her, hips pressing down lightly against her thigh. Paige groaned again, and then pulled her mouth away. Emily was just about to voice a protest, when she dipped her head and latched onto the side of Emily's neck, tongue flicking out to tease a spot just below her jaw, that had Emily gasping and arching up off the couch.

Sparks flared across her closed eyelids as Paige dragged her lips down her neck and she dug her nails into the small of Paige's back, kneading in time with the waves of pleasure rolling through her. It was becoming harder and harder to draw a breath, and she was getting lightheaded because of it, but these sensations were to addictive to put an end to.

She slid one hand down, tracing along the curve of Paige's ass before slipping into the back pocket of her jeans, and the other one up to tangle in Paige's hair, holding her head in place as she pressed open mouth kisses across her collarbone and then up the base of her neck.

Paige's lips felt amazing, her touch alternating between light and firm, teasing and tantalizing. Her mouth warm and damp, her tongue flicking out to tickle lap hotly against her skin. She gasped, breathless and panting, and dipped her head, seeking out any bit of skin she could get her mouth on, finding a bare patch of shoulder where Paige's shirt had slipped and pressed her lips against the warm skin. She hummed softly at the taste, salty from the thin sheen of sweat that glistened across Paige's body, but with a hint of something citrousy-sweet as well. It took a moment for her place it, orange, like the scent of her body-wash.

Her skin felt tight and feverish, a thin layer of sweat coated her body, making her hair and clothes stick to her skin. Her lungs burned from lackof oxygen, and she couldn't get enough. She was filled with yearning, a hollow, pitted feeling in her stomach and an ache between her legs that both thrilled and frightened her. She knew just what would sate the feeling, but didn't know how to ask for it. Or even if she truly wanted it.

Paige nipped at her collarbone and then raised her head, bringing their lips back together in a kiss that was as deep as the previous ones they had shared, but lacking in tntensity. She kissed Emily slowly, languidly, before pulling away with a groan and collapsing on her side between Emily and the back of thecouch.

"That was..." Emily didn't even have words.

"Yeah." Paige sounded as breathless as Emily felt. "Too much?"

"No."

Paige shifted a little, putting as much space between their torsos as she could with what little room she had to work with, though she kept her arm draped across Emily's stomach. As much as Emily missed the weight and warmth of her body, she appreciated the chance to cool down. Though, the rapidly drying sweat on her body was makng her feel chilled. She ran a hand through her hair and it came away slick with moisture. It wasn't the only place she was wet, the realization came to her along with a blush, and she had to bite back a moan at the feel of the arousal between her legs squicking as she shifted.

"So this isn't exactly how I thought the day would end," Paige said. "Hoped, maybe, but didn't actually think." She offered up a wry grin as her hand began rubbing circles across Emily's stomach. "I'm sorry if I got a little carried away."

Emily shook her head, and stroked her hand along Paige's arm. "We both did." She could admit that, now that she was working on being more honest about her attractions and feelings.

"But, can you really blame me?" Paige asked, a hint of teasing slipping into her voice. "I mean, damn, Em."

"Oh yeah, what's that supposed to mean?" Emily arched an eyebrow at her, smiling coyly at her.

"It means..."Paige faltered, and Emily could practically see her debating with herself. After a moment she took a deep breath, squaring her shoulders. "It means, you're fucking hot, Em. How am I supposed to keep my hands to myself?"

They both laughed, but Emily knew there was a ring of truth to their words. It all just kept coming back to Hannah's comment and Paige's confirmation. They'd had a very active...had been phsyically intimate. She winced internally at the fact that even in light of what they had done tonight she could still not bring herself to think it.

"And I'm not saying that I...expect anything. I'm not trying to pressure you," Paige's words ran together in her haste to get them out. "I know that we're taking this slowly and-"

"Paige, stop. You have to believe me when I tell you that I want this too. Otherwise, it's never going to work."

"I'm sorry I just-"

"No more apologizing."

"Okay. Okay." She held a hand up in surrender. "I believe you, when you say that you want this. It's just, this..." Paige gestured between the two of them, "is a lot different than what we used to share. It's so easy for me to get caught up. To forget that things are different now."

She watched a shadow cross over Paige's face, saw the struggle as she debated whether or not to say whatever was on her mind. Emily knew better than to pry with words. Instead she waited quietly, softly stroking up and down Paige's arm with the tips of her fingers.

"And I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, but it's hard sometimes to have you so close, to look at you and know that you're not...my Emily. You look like her. You sometimes even act like her. But, you're not the same girl that I fell in love with. Not completely."

Emily's heart broke for Paige, whose voice wavered with the words. But, she was proud of her for the admission. She knew how hard it had to be for Paige to have opened up about what Emily knew she would view as a weakness. Paige, who had tried to be so strong for her, who had put on a stoic facade while Emily was in the hosptial and had been solidly supportive since her release, was finally letting Emily be the one to take care of her.

Emily wasn't entirely comfortable with the reversal of roles. There was a part of her that felt like she hadn't truly earned the right. But, that wasn't going to stop her from doing her best to ease Paige's pain.

"Paige. I know that this has been hard on you. I lost my memories. And you lost your...partner." She trailed her hand down Paige's arm until she could lace their fingers together. Maybe I'm not the same Emily you fell in love with. I might never be. And, it's okay to miss her. But, I'm still _your_ Emily."

"Yeah?" A small smile played at the corner of Paige's lips. Emily could feel her own lips tugging upwards in an answering smile. Both in response to the hope and joy in Paige's eyes, in her words and because she was pleased that she had, for once, managed to say the right thing.

"Yeah."

Emily propped herself up on one elbow and craned her neck so she could press her lips against Paige's in a soft, slow kiss. They parted with a soft sigh, and Emily flopped back against the couch cushions, rolling her neck against the strain on her muscles from holding her head in so many awkward positions. She let out another sigh, followed by a low moan, as Paige's fingers found their way to the base of her neck and started to knead. She smiled thankfully up at Paige and let her eyes drift shut, enjoying the closeness and the feel of Paige's fingers working deftly against her sore muslces.

All too soon, Paige was pulling away. Emily's eyes flew open and she shot her a look that was half glare, half pout.

"Sorry, babe," Paige said, leaning forward and pressing a quick kiss to her lips. "I still have a ton of work to do tonight." As she spoke she shifted, swinging her leg over Emily's lap, easing her weight onto that foot as soon as it touched the floor.

Emily had to admit, she enjoyed the sensation of Paige moving over her, especially that brief moment where she was straddling her waist and staring down at her. The motion, combined with the visual, did funny things to her stomach, and stoked the arousal simmering in her belly. She contemplated grabbing Paige by the hips and holding her forcibly in place, but she wasn't sure her body could take any more stimulation tonight. She already felt like she was about to combust. She to compose herself.

Or, to take care of herself, the little voice in the back of her head taunted, and she fought not to blush. Images of yesterday morning on this very couch, and the feel of her fingers working inside making it quite difficult.

"You coming?" Paige asked.

Emily bit her lip to stifle a laugh and shook her head. "In a minute," she managed, her voice sounding relatively close to normal. "I just want to call my parents." The lie came smoothly, because at the moment her parents were the last thing on her mind. "Make sure they made it all right."

Paige nodded. "Tell them I said hello." She leaned down and kissed Emily softly before turning and making her way to the stairs. Emily watched her go, unable to peel her gaze away from her loose, easy stride or the way her ass looked in those jeans. As if sensing Emily's gaze on her, Paige turned and offered a smile before heading up. As soon as she was out of sight Emily collapsed back against the couch cushions with a groan, and drummed her fingers on her stomach for a moment contemplating, before letting out a sigh and reaching for the phone in her pocket.


	22. Chapter 22

Guest:They have some challenges ahead of them, and it might make for some struggles, maybe some fights, but don't worry, I'm not going to break them up or anything super dramatic.

Hannah: Yeah, they're finally taking steps towards being open and trusting. And it goes both ways, they both have some things they need to say to each other.

Ale: I'm glad you're enjoying the longer chapters. They take more time to write, but I feel like they really dig into the scenes a bit more. I'm glad you liked the intimacy, it's really starting to come together for them.

Nyxxyn power laced fluff is kind of my wheelhouse Well, that and smut. But we're not at the smut part yet.

 **Chapter 22**

It was amazing the difference a few days could make, Emily mused as she stirred awake. She stretched languidly in bed before pulling the thick, fluffy comforter more tightly around her body and snuggling in. A week ago, Emily had walked, or shuffled rather, into the house feeling resentful and uncertain. She had lain in this very bed feeling anxious and unsettled. Her world had been uprooted in seeminly an instant. Her body battered and broken. Her identity erased. It had all seemed so insurmountable.

Today she woke feeling good. Feeling hopeful. There were still question marks hanging over her. Her body still ached and twinged from her injuries. But, her world was slowly, painstakingly being put back together. Her body was healing. She would re-discover who she was.

Downstairs, there was a loud crash and clatter of things falling to the floor, followed by a thinly muffled curse. Emily felt a grin tug at her lips as the reason for her new-found optimistic outlook announced her presence. If someone had told her a week ago that she would be lying in bed, grinning at the thought of Paige McCullers downstairs in their shared kitchen, cursing and making a mess as she cooked breakfast, Emiily would have thought they were crazy. But here she was, lying in bed, grinning to herself at the knowledge that Paige was downstairs cooking breakfast for them. For Emily.

And instead of trepidation at the thought of going down there, at the thought of having to make conversation, Emily felt nothing but eager anticipation. Slowly she pushed herself into a sitting position and swung her legs around to hang off the edge of the bed. The grin on her face only growing as she acknowledged it wasn't just breakfast she was looking forward to going downstairs for.

Butterflies of the best kind stirred in her stomach at the thought of seeing Paige this morning. A sort of giddy nervousness taking over her as she made her way down the hallfway towards the stairs, only to detour at the last minute, heading into the upstairs bathroom instead. She quickly ran a brush through her hair, smoothing out the tangles and the bed-head look, then splashed water over her face, and rinsed her mouth out with mouthwash, laughing at herself as she did so. Paige had seen her looking sleep-mussed and rumpled for weeks now. It was stupid to worry about tidying herself up now, but she couldn't help it. Shaking her head at her reflection, Emily turned and made her way downstairs.

Paige was in the kitchen, dressed for work in a pair of charcoal slacks that clung tantalizingly to the curve of her ass and hinted at the muscle definition of her thighs before draping perfectly down her lower-legs, making them seem never ending. Emily didn't even try to convince herself she wasn't looking, wasn't appreciating the way the pants shaped her ass and legs. Even though a blush heated her cheeks as she did so, she let her eyes wander brazenly up and down Paige's lower half for a moment before raising her gaze to take in the rest of her. She had on a white, gauzy blouse that offered just a hint of the cream-colored camisole beneath it, and for a moment Emily was oddly fascinated by the strap lines that stretched across her shoulders. She tore her gaze away as Paige moved from the counter to the stove, and let her eyes wander over ther rest of the kitchen. Whatever mess she had made had been tidied up, the only evidence of it was the bundle of papertowels on the counter. Two plates sat on the counter and two pans sizzled on the stove. From the smell of things, it was bacon and eggs.

Paige's head bobbed lightly and she hummed under her breath as she surveyed the pans on the stove. Emily watched in amusement as she picked up a piece of bacon with her fingernails, letting out a soft hiss as she burned herself. But she didn't release her piece and instead shook off some of the excess grease before popping it into her mouth.

She choked mid-chew as her eyes fell on Emily, who was still hovering silently in the doorway. "Em. Hey," she wheezed, waving off Emily who approached in concern. "I'm fine. I'm fine." She coughed and swallowed hard. Though a blush colored her cheeks, Paige smiled brightly.

"I'm sorry." Emily's own lips turned up in an answering smile, even as she felt guilty for making Paige choke.

"Don't worry about it." Paige's smile persisted as she closed the distance between them. "Good morning."

"Morning."

Paige's gaze darted down to Emily's lips before she leaned in and pressed a soft, sweet kiss against them. She pulled away before Emily really had a chance to respond. Her eyes, which had just started to flutter closed, fluttered open and she shot Paige a pout of dissapointment, which was lost, as Paige was already turning away.

"Coffee?" she asked, reaching for the handle of the kettle.

Emily's hand shot out, landing on Paige's arm and halting her movement. She spun Paige back around. She caught a glimpse of Paige's eyebrows raised in question, her mouth just starting to open, to ask Emily what was up. Ignoring both, Emily leaned in and captured Paige's lips with her own. Paige let out a muffled sound of surprise and then began responding to the kiss. She slung her arm around Emily's waist, a good thing because Emily's knees were slowly turning to jelly. She wasn't sure how much longer they would be able to hold her up.

Paige pulled away with a series of quick pecks before dropping her head into the crook of Emily's neck and taking a couple of deep, ragged breaths. "I guess this means you're not having second thoughts about last night," she said, raising her head.

"Of course not." The conviction of her words was followed by doubt. "Unless, you're having second thought?" She couldn't bring herself to meeet Paige's eyes, in case they had apology and regret written in them.

"Not even for a second."

Slowly, Emily brought her gaze up to meet Paige's and was reassured to find Paige gazing steadily back at her. She let out a breath of relief and nodded, a smile crossing her lips. Paige leaned forward and gave her a quick kiss before gently extracting herself.

"While I could get used to greeting every morning like that, I'm going to be late for work if I don't get a move on. Breakfast?"

Before Emily could pout her protest at Paige stepping away, her stomach growled loudly.

"That answers that." Paige chuckled lightly and pulled a chair out for Emily.

She sank into it, embarrassed but also charmed, even though she should be used to both by now. Her body had been betraying her around Paige pretty much from the moment she'd woken in the hospital. And Paige's charm and chivalry was nothing knew. As she settled herself in, Paige carried over two plates loaded high with bacon and fried eggs, followed by a plate stacked with toast and two cups of coffee. With no reason for pretenses now, Paige had already born witness to how hungry she was, Emily dug in.

"Thank you, for breakfast." She remembered her manners a few bites in .Mostly. She covered her mouth a she swallowed. "It's delicious."

"You don't have to thank me every time I cook," Paige said around a bite of her own.

Emily knew that cooking, that sharing chores were part and parcel of a relationship. She had seen her parents switching off on duties from cooking to laundry to cleaning up around the house. She and Paige had likely done the same. But, in this life, the novelty of having a...partner, of being a partner, had not yet worn off. Not to mention, Emily wasn't in any condition to be helping out around the house so Paige was pulling the full load, while also working full time. It just seemed polite to thank Paige when she did something she didn't have to do. Feeding Emily was not her responsibilty. She would have been well within her rights to get herself ready for work and leave without taking the extra effort.

She didn't know how to explain all that to Paige though. Instead she simply reached across the table and squeezed her hand. "I know," she said softly. "Doesn't mean I don't still appreciate the effort."

Paige had done so much for her, without her asking and without complaint. Emily didn't know if she would ever be able to show Paige how much she appreciated. But, that didn't mean she wasn't going to at least try.

They ate their meals in a comfortable, if somewhat hurried silence. Their hands still joined across the table. From the way Paige quickly chewed and swallowed, Emily sensed she was later for work than she was letting on. When they had finished eating, Paige stood abruptly, her chair scraping loudly across the linoleum.

Though she hadn't quite cleaned her plate, Emily stood as well. "I got it." She waved Paige away as she reached for her dishes.

"Em-"

"I got it," she repeated more firmly. "I know you worry, but I can handle light duties. The doctor even said it was good for me to start moving around."

"If you didn't have pain."

"The only pain I have right now is you. In my ass."

Paige barked out a strangled laugh.

"Thank you for breakfast. Now, go. Get to work."

"A'right. A'right. I know when I'm beat." Paige raised her hands in surrender.

She turned and headed for the front door. Emily followed behind, putting aside the dishes for a few minutes to see her out. She leaned lightly against her crutches as she watched Paige pull on her jacket and slip her feet into her shoes.

"Got everything?" she asked as Paige collected her keys and wallet from the sidetable and bent down to grab her briefcase.

"I think so." She cast a quick glance around and when nothing immediately jumped out at her, nodded. "Yeah. I shouldn't be late tonight. Probably around six." Her gaze was apologetic. Emily could tell she didn't want to leave her alone for that long. But there was nothing to be done about it.

"Have a good day," she said, leaning in to brush her lips softly against Paige's. It was their first deliberate goodbye kiss, and it felt nice to be able to act on her impulses without the rush of confusion and shame after the fact.

"You too," Paige murmured against her lips before stepping back, but making no move towards the door. Her reluctance to leave as strong as Emily's reluctance to have her go "Okay. Bye." She lingered a moment more before pulling the door open and stepping through.

Emily deflated as soon as the door swung shut behind her. Alone one again, the hours before Paige returned stretching out before her. Not even thirty second and she was already counting down. Shaking her head at herself she swung around and made her way back into the kitchen to tidy up. That would occupy a few minutes at least.

She made quick work of the dishes and spent a little extra time fussing around the kitchen, but eventaully she ran out of self-appointed tasks to do, and retreated to the living room, where she flopped down onto the couch and stared sullenly at the tv for a moment before pulling out her, or rather Paige's phone. It still just required staring mostly motionless at a screen, but at least it was a lifeline to the outside world. She swiped it on, and was surprised to see how many missed messaged she had.

Most of them were from late Sunday night, or early this morning from her friends, complimenting them on a great party and inquiring after her and Paige's state. From the sounds of it, Paige wasn't the only one who'd spent the early hours of Sunday suffering from a hangover. Though, it also seemed like she'd recovered more quickly than the others. She sent off a handful of texts, thanking everyone for coming, and sending wishes that she hoped they felt better. She was just finishing up when her phone buzzed in her hand. Startled by the unexpected noise and vibration she almost dropped it, but with fumbling fingers managed to catch it at the last moment. She brought the phone to her ear without bothering to check the call ID

"Hello?"

"Hey, are you busy today?" Aria's greeted her with a bit more cheer than was neccesssary this early in the morning. Apparently her dislike of mornings had not changed with age.

She rolled her eyes at the question, though didn't comment. She knew Aria didn't mean anythig by it. And it wasn't her fault that Emily's days were wide open.

"Hey, Aria. What's up?"

"Not much. I only have one class today. I was wondering if you might want to hang out?"

Emily wondered if this was a normal occurance, getting together with the girls like this, getting coffee in the middle of the week, and keeping in touch pretty much daily, or if they were just taking pity on her, knowing she would be going out of her mind at home all day.

"I'd like that." At this point, Emily would probably have agreed to just about anything if it meant getting out of the house, but she was genuinely excited about the prospect of spending some time with Aria today.

"I finish up around noon. I'll head over as soon as I'm done. You want to come over, I'll make you lunch?"

"Sure. Sounds good to me." She wasn't about to argue with anything that would keep her occupied for the afternoon, especially if a home cooked meal was part of the offering.

"Awesome. I'll see you in a few hours then."

"Can't wait." Emily hung up from the brief conversation feeling better than she had when she picked up. She still had a bit of time to kill, but three or four hours was more manageable than an entire day.

Aria, it turned out lived near Hollis. She and Ezra shared an apartment a few blocks off campus. They drove past the school on the way over and Emily found herself staring out the window at scenery as it flashed by. The buildings were old and brick. Almost gothic in appearance. With some pretty impressive masonery around the windows and doors. The quad was criss-crossed with wide bike and walking paths and shaded by sprawling oaks and maples, their leaves just beginning to turn. Students ambled dow the paths in groups and pairs, looking young and carefree and happy, or sat on the grass with a book in their laps, looking studious and intent.

Emily took it all in with a melancholy sort of feeling tugging at her chest, knowing that at a different school, in a different life, that had been her, walking from her dorm to class or heading off to meet a friend. She had studied and written papers and taken tests. She had made friends and probably gone to parties and swam and trained and competed. And, she couldn't remember any of it. College was supposed to be the best years of your life. At least, that's what her parents had told her. When she was struggling in school, too shy to make friends and feeling ostrazised from her peers they had reassured her that it would get better. She would grow up and go of to college and find herself. That the four years she spent there would be the best years. That the friends she made their would be ones she kept for life.

And, Emily had believed them. Her mom's best friend was her college roomate. The two of them had been bridesmaids at each other's weddings. Her dad still got together with some of his college buddies every time he was home from deployment.

She had been looking forward to experiencing that herself, from from the time she was ten or eleven. And it had all passed her by.

As if sensing her mood, Aria reached over and squeezed her hand, but thankfully, didn't say anything. They had been chatting easily up until this point, but they made the rest of the drive in silence. Emily was relieved when they turned down a side-street and the campus fell from view. After a few twists and turns, Aria pulled up in front of an apartment building, and Emily guessed they were here.

She climbed slowly from the car. Aria waited patiently beside her door, and then kept pace with her as they made their way inside. Luckily, the place had an elevator. Though, Aria only lived on the third floor. Emily liked to think she would have been able to make it.

"Come on it," Aria said as she unlocked the door and preceeded Emily inside. "Make yourself at home. I threw some veggies and noodles in the crock-pot before I left this morning. I thought maybe we could have stew for lunch."

"Yeah. Sure." Emily nodded absently as she surveyed the apartment. It was open concept, with an island/breakfast bar serving as a divider between the living room and kitchen. A short hallway off the kitchen presumably led to the bedroom and bathroom. The space was cozy, homey. The focal point of the room was a plush looking leather sofa and two chairs with thick blankets draped over the backs or ams, facing a large flat screen tv . The walls were warm, soothing yellow decorated with prints of artwork and book covers interspaced with shelves full of books, knick-knacks and assorted mementos. Two desks sat on opposite sides of the living room, both a mess of paperwork.

Emily figured she must have spent a lot of time here, because even though she didn't remember she immediately felt comfortable. She took a seat at the island as Aria grabbed two sodas from the fridge then pulled bowls down from the cuboard and a loaf of bread from the breadbox. As soon as she opened the lid off the crock-pot, a spicy aroma filled the air, and Emily's stomach responded accordingly, growling loudly. Aria ladeled them both a heart bowl and settled in across from Emily to eat.

There was something calming about Aria's presence. Emily didn't feel the need to fill the silences with conversation. She wasn't sure if that was just Aria herself, or if it was a latent comfort and familiarity. Either way, it was reassuring and easy to spend the afternoon with Aria, sometimes chatting about her classes and her students, sometimes sitting in comfortable silence on the couch, flipping through magazines At once point, Aria went over to her desk to check something on her computer and Emily grabbed a book off the coffee table and stretched out to read. When Aria returned to the couch she simply lifted Emily's legs and settled under them, pulling them back across her lap as she reached for the remote.

She settled on a movie, an old black-and-white that Emily remembered her parents watching when she was a kid, and the two of them watched it together in mostly silence, occasionally commenting on the plot or something one of the characters had done.

Ezra returned home around four. If he thought there was anything unusual about the sight of his wife and her best friend curled up on the couch together watching a movie, he said nothing about it. Instead he greeted them both, Emily with a wave and a smile, Aria with a kiss, and headed into the kitchen. He returned a moment later with a beer and settled himself on the couch on the other side of Aria and watched the end of the movie with them.

Aria invited Emily to stay for dinner, but as much as she was enjoying the company she wanted be home when Paige got there. She had come to appreciate the little moments, like seeing Paige off in the morning and greeting her when she walked through the door. Not to mention, she was sure that Aria and Ezra would appreciate some time alone. They'd both been nothing but friendly and accomodating to her, and she'd had a wonderful afternoon but she didn't want wear out her welcome.

The drive back was pleasant, though Emily was struck with that same melancholy as they drove past the campus. It settled uneasily in her chest, even as she tried to ignore it and focus on her conversation with Aria. But, when passing the campus reminded her of a funny story about one of her students. it was hard to push the feeling one more reminder of something she had missed. She didn't have any funny college stories. No wild tales of misadventure. She didn't know what classes she'd taken, what friends she had made. She had been an athlete, had competed and travelled, and she didn't know what races she'd swam. Which ones she'd won, which ones she'd lost. Aria talked about her time spent in the classroom so easily and with such passion. Emily could tell she loved her work and her students, but Emily couldn't relate to her words. She didn't remember feeling that passionate about anything. Or having that much pride in her work. She felt rude for being relieved when they turned up her street and her house came into view.

"I had a great time today," she spoke into the lull that came with the completion of Aria's story. "Thank you, for having me over."

"Anytime. It can get a little boring sometimes being the only one home in the middle of the afternoon," Aria said. And at first Emily thought Aria was talking about her, then she realized Aria was referring to her own situation.

"I love my job, don't get me wrong. But there are only so many hours I can spend grading papers or doing prep-work. I'm sorry that you're injured and feeling sidelined but I'm glad you're around to keep my company. That sounded horrible didn't it?" Aria's gaze met hers in the review mirror, her eyes comically wide.

"No. No, I get it." Emily reached out and squeezed Aria's hand and watched with some amusement as Aria deflated, relaxing in her seat. "And, I can't think of anyone I would rather spend my afternoons convalescing with." Aria sent her a beaming smile, which let her know she'd said the right thing.

As they pulled up into the driveway, another car pulled in beside them. It took Emily a moment to recognize it was Paige's car.

"Perfect timing," she heard Aria call out as she slid from the driver's seat. "I leave her in your capable hands."

"I'm right here you know. I can hear you," Emily called, feigning annoyance as she swung her leg around and slid out of the car. Paige was immediately at her side, a steadying arm going around her waist as Aria leaned into the backseat to fetch her crutches.

"Hey," she said, smiling softly at Emily before dipping her head and brushing a kiss against her lips.

"Hey," Emily murmured as they parted, feeling slightly dazed despite the chasteness of the kiss.

Aria clearing her throat behind them reminded Emily they weren't alone. Cheeks burning she spun slowly around to find Aria holding her crutches out awkwardly, eyes wider than normal, brows up practically to her eyebrows. Emily accepted the crutches, avoiding eyecontact. Paige cleared her throat and slowly slid her arm from around Emily's waist.

"I have some groceries in the car," she said, hitching her thumb over her shoulder in that direction before turning and making her escape.

"Coward," Emily called at her retreating back, but Paige only laughed.

"So, this is new." Aria's words drew Emily's attention back to her.

"Um. Yeah." Emily shifted awkwardly in place. "It sort of just happened last night."

"Okay. And, we didn't talk about it at all today because...?"

Emily shrugged. She didn't have an answer for Aria. A part of her had wanted to bring it up. Aria had proven to be a good sounding board. She knew the other girl would be able to help her work through what she was feeling. But another part of her hadn't wanted to analyze. It just wanted to feel everything she was going through, the excitement, the nerves, all of it.

"Please don't be mad."

"The only way I would be mad is if you felt it was something you couldn't talk to me about so you kept it from me. And, I don't think that's what this is, is it?"

Emily shook her head. "No."

"New relationships are a little scary, but also exciting. And, that's kind of what this is for you, isn't it? A new relationship. You're first real romance."

All Emily could do was nod.

"And you want to keep it just between you and Paige for now. Right?"

"Yeah. Does that make me a bad person?" She had been fighting so hard against her feelings for what felt like so long now. She thought she was getting over it, putting the fear and the shame aside. But, what if she was just masking it? What if she thought she could avoid facing if it she kept what she and Paige had a secret?

"No. Not at all." Aria stepped closer and rubbed a hand soothingly up and down her arm. "Are you ashamed of your feelings for Paige?"

"No." She shook her head, adamantly. "I was, for awhile. But they just...I just..."

"You don't have to explain it to me. You don't have to justify yourself. As long as you're okay, you're comfortable with everything that's happening then it's none of my business. You and Paige deserve to take the time and figure this out for yourselves without the rest of us weighing in."

Aria's words were a balm for a part of her she didn't even realize needed soothing.

"We're not trying to hide anything," she said. "You saw. Clearly we're not doing anything to be discreet. "

A smile played at Aria's lips. "You two never really were very good at that."

Emily let out a laugh. "Somehow, that doesn't surprise me."

"If you're happy, I'm happy for you. And for Paige."

Emily reached up and gave the hand on her arm a squeeze. "Thank you, Aria."

"Anytime." She leaned in and gave Emily a quick hug. "I mean it, Em. Anytime."

"I know. Same here."

She backed up as Aria circled around the front of the car and slid into the driver's seat, watching as the car pulled out of the driveway and turned into the street. It was only when her headlights dissapeared around the corner that Emily realized Paige had collected her groceries and was already inside, the front door standing open invitingly for her.


	23. Chapter 23

Ale I enjoy the longer chapters too. They're more fun to write. I'm glad you liked that line. I was particularly fond of it. I hadn't thought much about the fact that Emily still has Paige's phone, or what else might be on it. But, I'll see if I can work something in there.

Nyxxyn Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I just love writing the Paily fluff. And, the Emily & friends fluff. I made a reference in an earlier chapter to her reading through an old textbook and finding the information interesting, but not necessarily familiar. I'm going to touch a little bit more on the school subject shortly

 **Author's Note** A few of you suggested that one way to spark Emily's awareness of her feelings was for her to be put in a situation where she felt some jealousy towards Paige, either her showing attention to another woman, or another woman showing attention to her. And, I tried to work it in there. I had a scene in mind, but then the story played out in a different direction.

I just want you guys to to know that I do listen to the suggestions and ideas you guys leave me in your reviews and pm's. Even if they don't make it into the story, know that I gave it some thought or tried to plan a scene around it. Sometimes the chapters just end up turning out quite a bit differently than I had envisioned.

 **Chapter 23**

Emily found Paige in the kitchen getting dinner started, already changed out of her work clothes, wearing a pair of sinfully-short running shorts and a rather threadbare tank top. Her eyes raked up Paige's legs, her gaze drawn to the way skin pulled taut over toned calves and thighs as Paige moved and shifted. Her fingers itched to slide across the skin, knowing it to be smooth and silky. She took a step closer, eyes trained on Paige's thighs and the curve of her ass as she rose up onto her toes to reach something from a top cupboard, only to be redirected to the small of her back as the tank top shifted and rose with the stretch. The small expanse of skin enticing to her gaze. As was the patch of ink peeking above the hem of the shorts just to the right of the center of Paige's back. A marking she had missed when helping Paige undress the other day. So Paige had a tattoo.

Her mind stuttered over the thought, over visions of tracing the image with her tongue. She swallowed hard and forced her gaze upwards, just in time for Paige to turn around, and for Emily to realize just how flimsy the tank top really was. And that Paige wasn't wearing a bra.

She inhaled sharply through her nose and glanced up at the ceiling, fighting for composure. Despite her distraction however, she didn't fail to notice the faint smirk on Paige's face. She was doing this to Emily on purpose.

"Did you have a good time with Aria today?" She was doing a pretty good job of feigning innocence, it would have been believable if it weren't for that damn smirk on her face.

"Yeah, it was a nice afternoon."

Two could play at that game. Pretending not to notice the way Paige's breasts strained against the fabric of her shirt, her nipples faintly outlined against the thin cotton, Emily closed the distance between them, but peered past her at the ingredients spread out across the counter. "So, what's for dinner?" she asked, though she could easily guess from the box of pasta, cans of tomato sauce and loaf of bakery bread.

"I was thinking lasagna," Paige said, playing along. "With ricotta cheese."

"My favorite." Although, at this point Emily was past the point of being surprised by Paige knowing things like this. And while it still caused a pang in her chest, it didn't hit her as hard today as it had last night. "Can I help with anything?" she asked, breezing past the slight discomfort she felt.

"I got this. Why don't you just sit down. Relax."

"I've been relaxing all day. You're the one who's been at work. Seems like you should be the one sitting around with your feet up."

"Well, now that you mention it..." Paige's arms looped around Emily's waist and she sidled up to her. "How hungry are you, anyway?"

Emily's heart beat sped up at the close proximity of their bodies. She could feel Paige's hips and stomach pressing against her own. Paige's body heat seeping through her clothing to warm Emily's skin. Or, maybe it was the secure weight of Paige's arms around her, or the hungry look in her eyes that had Emily feeling like she was about to spontaneously combust.

"Not very." Her words embarrasingly breathy.

"What do you say we retire to the living room for awhile?" Paige suggested, already shifting her grip around Emily's waist to guide her into the other room. Not that Emily needed any extra encouragement. She happily made her way into the living room, where she dropped down onto the couch. Paige slid onto her lap and wrapped her arms around Emily's neck as she grinned down at her.

"This okay?" she asked softly.

"Mmhmm." Emily was too preoccupied with the way Paige's weight settled across her thighs and how this new position put her almost at eye level with Paige's cleavage to give the question much thought.

"I'm not hurting you?" Paige shifted up, so her weight was resting mostly on her knees.

Emily's hands immediately went to Paige's hips and pulled her back down. "This is perfect." She tore her gaze away from Paige's chest to meet her eyes, her cheeks burning at being caught blatantly staring. But she wasn't as embarrased by it as she would have thought. Maybe because things had changed between them, and she felt like she was allowed to look. Or maybe she was finally coming around to the reality that she wanted to. Or, maybe it was the shirt Paige was wearing, which left little to the imagination and practically demanded Emily's attention.

Whatever it was, it made her bold enough to slide her hand up Paige's side and cup her breast as she craned her neck and brought their lips together for a kiss. Paige moaned into her mouth, whether from the contact or from the kiss, Emily didn't know, but it only served to spur her on in both. She slid her tongue along Paige's bottom lip and was granted access immediately. She slipped into Paige's mouth, a moan rising from her throat as Paige sucked lightly on her tongue. Her grip around Paige's breast tightened, and she felt more than heard, Paige whimper as a shudder passed through her. Her fingers flailed in their motions, uncertainty and overwhelming desire coursing through her in equal measure. She had no idea what she was doing, only that she wanted to be doing it. Again and again, if she could help it.

Gradually she settled into a sort of kneading motion, and Paige groaned her name against her lips, her breath growing ragged and her kiss becoming sloppy

She worked Paige's breast with her entire hand, fingers kneading as her palm shaped and molded it. She marveled at the way it was both firm and supple, pliant beneath her touch. Paige's nipple had hardened to a sharp point, and scraped against her palm with each rotation. The ensuing moans going straight to Emily's core.

Eventually she stopped kissing Emily altogether, the two of them just breathing each other in before her head dropped into the crook of Emily's neck. She panted against Emily's skin, the sensation of her cool breath washing across heated, sweat beaded skin making Emily shiver.

"God, Em." She pressed her lips to the side of Emily's neck as her hips began to rock in time with the motions of Emily's fingers.

She could feel Paige's heat, her arousal, she realized, against her thigh. Her ministrations were getting Paige wet and she had soaked through the thin fabric of her shorts. Emily's grip faltered. Startled, her hand fell away.

Paige whined in protest, and then slowly lifted her head, realizing something was wrong. She blinked a couple of times, clearly dazed. And Emily flushed with embarrassment, suddenly feeling foolish for stopping. Of course Paige was aroused. It shouldn't have come as a suprise, consideirng the ache Emily could feel throbbing between her own legs.

She remembered how it had felt when Paige's hand was on her breast. She had to take care of the resulting tension herself. And, those actions weren't even deliberate. She could only imagine how much more heightened Paige's feelings were. And, she couldn't deny it had felt good, to have Paige's breast in her hand, to knead and stroke it, knowing her actions caught Paige breathless and sent shivers coursing up her spine.

What she wasn't ready to face yet was the other reactions it inspired in Paige, in how if affected her...down below. While touching herself had been a necessity, she wasn't ready to go there with Paige. Not yet. The thought of it stirred up a nauseous, panicky feeling in her stomach. She took a couple deep breaths, trying to tamp down on the feeling and attempted to focus on what she was comfortable with. Kissing Paige, that had felt good. Amazing, actually. She could definitely handle that.

"Em. Hey. What is it?"

Emily shook her head and leaned up to kiss Paige, only to have Paige place her hands on her shoulders and gently push her back against the couch.

"Talk to me. What's wrong?"

"Nothing." She reached up, placing her hands over Paige's wrists and tried to use them to pull Paige down to her, but Paige resisted. She knew Paige wouldn't give up until she had an explanation, until they had faced the problem head on and resolved it. But, Emily didn't have the words to explain herself.

"We're moving too fast, aren't we?" Paige swung off Emily's lap and settled on the couch beside her. Immediately Emily felt the loss of heat, the loss of contact. She shifted closer to Paige on instinct, and was comforted when Paige's arm slid around her shoulders, pulling her into her

"No...yes. Maybe. I don't know." Emily sighed as she siderested her head on Paige's shoulder and slung her arm across her stomach. The calm that washed over her was instantaneous, her heart rate slowed and the tension ebbed out of her. "I know that what we were doing just now felt really good. Almost too good," she whispered.

"And, you're worried we'll get carried away?"

"I guess." Except, that wasn't it, exactly. Emily wasn't worried so much about getting carried away as she was about not being able to follow through, when it came down to it. What if she couldn't do it? What if she did do it, but wasn't any good at it? She kind of felt like Paige had been waiting for Emily to be ready for this since the moment she had woken up in the hospital. What if she let her down? What if it wasn't as good as she remembered? What if it wasn't everything she expected it to be?

"We can slow it down," Paige said softly, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "Whatever you need. I'm sorry, I put too much pressure on you. I got so caught up in the fact that I could touch you, I could kiss you again that I-"

"Hey. No. This isn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. I just-"

"Thought you could do this, but you can't?"

"No. No, that's not it." Emily pushed herself up so she could look Paige in the eye and make sure she understood. "I told you, I'm in this. I want to see where this goes. I guess it just hit me, tonight, where one of those places is and I...I'm not ready yet, Paige. I'm trying so hard to be. I want to be. For you. But I-"

"Whoa. Easy. I know you're not ready yet. Look, Em. It's no secret I'm insanely attracted to you. I haven't done a very good job of concealing it. And I'm sorry."

Emily opened her mouth to interrupt, but Paige held up a hand, signalling she let her finish.

"I never meant to make you feel like I was pressuring you. Or that I was waiting for something to happen. My body just responds to you. And it makes it really easy to forget that things are different now. But, I've been trying take what we are now and force it into the mold of what we once were. Which, I've realized isn't going to work. It's not fair to either of us."

Emily didn't say anything, though she knew that Paige was right. Things were different now, for both of them. She wasn't the Emily she had been before the accident, and she couldn't pretend to be. But Paige was having to make adjustments too. She had gone from having a girlfriend, a partner, to having a relative stranger she had to take care of. And, Emily hadn't exactly made it easy on her, especially in those first few weeks. She'd resented what she'd felt was Paige's intrusion into her life. She hadn't understood why Paige was even there, why she coldn't just leave Emily and her family in peace. Why she wouldn't just leave her alone and let her , Paige had been patient, stoically withstanding the fire and ice Emily threw at her. And she had been so attentive to her every need and whim. Paige hadn't put any pressure on Emily, despite what she seemed to think. Rather, Emily had been won over by her quiet patience, her enduring devotion. But, she had seen the strain, had felt the awkwardness of those moments when Paige forgot, or was reminded that things had changed. That the woman she was sharing her house, sharing her life with wasn't the same woman she had first made that committment with.

"But, it's so easy to get carried away sometimes. Especially when you're kissing me. It feels so much like how it used to be. And I try so hard not get carried away. But, it feels so good. You feel so good."

Emily chuckled lightly, for she could certainly attest to that.

"But we're building something new here. We're still Emily and Paige, but not the way we used to be. And, I need to work harder not to fall into old habits. Like this top." Paige tugged self-consciously at the tank top, now damp with sweat and clinging even more tightly to her frame. "Before the accident, you would have loved to come home and fine me wearing this. So when I saw it in my drawer, I just pulled it on without even thinking."

Emily's felt a blush creep up her neck and across her cheeks at the implications of Paige's words. She knew exactly why the old Emily would have loved to have seen Paige in this top. It was the same reason new Emily had loved walking into the kitchen and seeing what Paige was wearing. Even if she wasn't ready to take this as far as they once would have it didn't change the fact that her reactions to Paige had not changed.

"Hey now," Emily said, her hand creeping up Paige's stomach towards her breasts once again. "Don't knock the outfit. I happen to very much appreciate this top." She rolled her thumb across Paige's nipple, which hardened immediately under her touch.

Paige groaned, and her body arched upwards, but her fingers closed around Emily's wrist and pulled her hand away.

"Can we be serious here, for just a moment?"

There was something about Paige's tone that worried her. A sombre note to it that she had never heard before, and it caused a spike in her heart rate.

"Of course." Her voice sounded timid and wavering to her own ears.

"I'm sorry, Em. I don't mean to be harsh. It's just, I'm trying to respect the new boundaries and not hold you, or myself for that matter, to the same standards that I would have before the accident. But, it's..." She shook her head and trailed off, but her eyes said it all.

"I know," Emily said softly, though she wondered if she truly did comprehend everything that Paige was going through. Could she truly miss what she didn't remember? She felt a tug in her heart every time Paige talked about how things used to be, every time she saw the light in Paige's eyes dim just a little bit when Emily didn't react accordingly, every time they were reminded of just how much had changed between them. But, was that because she was feeling the loss, or simply because she knew Paige was struggling?

Paige nodded, but didn't respond, her demeanor suddenly distant. Emily suddenly worried that things had taken a turn for the worst. She yearned for Paige to say something. But, feared what that something might be. A part of her afraid that Paige would try and be noble and end what was between them out of some misguided sense of protecting Emily. Or worse yet, would decide that she just didn't have the energy to deal with all the complications of their rekindled romance.

She had woken up feeling so good this morning. So calm and confident that things were finally looking up. And now she was was feeling anything but. She shifted, on pins and needles, waiting for Paige to say something, anything.

"I love you, Em," she said plainly, her words soft in the quiet that had fallen between them.." For almost a decade, you have been my everything. And, I'm not going anywhere. No matter how this plays out, I will always be by your side."

"But..." Emily prompted, when Paige faltered and didn't appear to have anything else to add.

"No buts. Just, please don't break my heart."

Paige sounded so broken, so defeatd, that tears welled up in Emily's eyes.

"If we're doing to do this, make sure you're doing it for the right reasons, okay? Because you feel something for me and not because you feel obligated, or sorry for me or-"

"I'm not doing this because I feel obligated. I appreciate everything you've done for me. After my accident you stepped up and have been amazing-"

"So you feel indebted?"

"No. No that's not what I'm saying."

"Then what are you saying? Because your turn around has been awfully fast. This time last week, you could barely stand to be in the same room as me. Our conversations, such as they were, were awkard as all get out."

"Where is this coming from?" Emily pushed herself off of the couch back and leaned so she could face Paige. "You were fine this morning."

Paige shrugged.

"Paige?"

"I guess I've had some time to think," she muttered.

"In the past five minutes?" Emily countered, confused. Paige had seemed fine when she got home, fine in the kitchen when they were flirting, fine when she led them into the living room, not at all like someone who as having doubts or second thoughts.

Paige raked a hand through her hair and sighed. "I'm sorry, Em. I guess a part of me is insecure. Afraid that this is all some sort of...Stockholm syndrome. We're alone in the house. You're parents have gone off to Texas. You're cut off from work and your friends. I'm here. And..."

"And I'm pretty dependant on you. You've been taking care of me, watching out for me. And, what if my feelings for you are just a reaction to that? You don't think I haven't considered that?"

"Honestly? I have no idea what goes on in that head of yours anymore. I used to know. Used to be able to read you. But now..." she trailed off and shook her head, but she didn't have to finish her sentence for Emily to know what she meant.

Emily wanted to reach out, to stroke Paige's cheek or hold her hand or something, but she had a feeling her touch would not be welcome right now.

"I considered it," Emily admitted, not enjoying the way Paige gulped, looking striken. "I agonized over it. And, maybe the fact that it's just the two of us here, and I'm relying on you so heavily accelerated the progression of things but I don't believe that's the reason for them." She thought back over the past week, remembering all the strange, fluttery feelings in her stomach and the way her heart raced so quickly in her chest, and this inexplicable longing to be near Paige. "Yes, I appreciate everything you have done for me since the accident. And I...I love you for it, but that's not why I...that's not why I care about you. That's not why my heart races whenever you smile at me or I feel warm and content when your arms are around me. Or why I just want to be near you, all the time. Even if we're just stitting in silence."

Emily averted her gaze as she spoke, feeling vulnerable and exposed by revealing so much. Though, she didn't regret opening herself up to Paige like that, if it would help ease her fears.

"You really...you really feel all that?" The hope in Paige's words was painfully evident.

"I really feel all that. And, that's why I want to give us a shot. To see where this goes. Not because I feel obligated, but because I care about you. And I'm...I'm insanely attracted to you," she added, quoting Paige's words back to her.

The words garnered a hint of a small. But, it was all the opening Emily needed. She leaned back into Paige, wrapping her arms around her, and smiling contently when Paige's arm wound around her shoulders, drawing her in.

"I can't guarantee that this will work out between us," she said softly. "But, I can promise you that I'm in this for all the right reasons." She leaned her head against Paige's shoulder. "I know it's probably a tall order, but try not to worry so much about how I react now versus how I might have reacted before. Just, be you. Because it's working."

"What's working?" Paige ducked her head to meet Emily's gaze, eyebrows drawn together adorably in confusion.

"I'm falling for you," Emily whispered, leaning up to press a kiss to Paige's lips before resting their foreheads together. "So hard."

She felt Paige stiffen beside her, and didn't have to be looking at her to know that a large, dazed grin was tugging at her lips. That's not to say she didn't want to see the effect her words had on the other woman. She pulled back, her eyes fluttering open just in time to see Paige shake her head, shattering her stupor, and then surge forward, capturing Emily's lips in a rough, eager kiss.

A giggle erupted in Emily's throat, but quickly morphed into a moan as Paige's tongue swiped along her bottom lip. The resulting sound an odd, breathless squawk. Paige chuckled, smiling into the kiss as her hand came up to cup Emily's cheek. Her thumb stroked gently as she slowed the kiss down. Emily slid her hand up Paige's side to cup the back of her neck and kissed her back.

Slowly Paige eased Emily backwards, until she was lying flat on the couch and Paige was hovering over her, all without breaking this kiss. Emily sighed softly against Paige's lips as she felt her weight settle against her and snaked her other arm around Paige's back, pulling her down more firmly onto her.

Their tongues dueled languidly, chasing in and out of each other's mouths. Soft moans and sighs escaping whenever they parted to breath. It wasn't the quick, frenzied kissing of earlier, but it was no less arousing. Emily could feel her body starting to buzz, an odd itchy sort of tingling that raced across her skin like fire. A low, throbbing ache building between her legs. She could feel the heat of Paige's arousal pressing down against her thigh, and it made her stomach pitch in a strange, sort of hollow feeling, but it didn't freak her out the way it had before.

One hand slid down Paige's back and slipped beneath the hem of her t-shirt to splay across smooth, warm skin as the other travelled down to Paige's leg, her fingers tracing across the tops of her thighs. Her grip was constanly shifting, tugging and pulling, trying to feel as much of her bare skin as possible. She dug her nails in lightly, dragging them across Paige's thighs and up and down her back.

The fabric of Paige's t-shirt shifted and rose with Emily's ministrations, tugging Emily's shirt up along with it. Soon, their bare stomachs were pressed together. She gasped softly at the feeling of Paige's warm skin against her own, a shiver skittering up her spine, and arched up, increasing the contact.

"God, Em," Paige sighed softly, her lips leaving Emily's to trail across her jaw. Emily gasped again at the sensation of Paige's lips feathering lightly against her skin. It was a weird, almost but not quite tickllish feeling and she craned her neck, exposing more of her neck for Paige's lips to devour.

She dipped her head, pressing her lips to whatever exposed skin she could find, landing sloppy kisses along Paige's shoulder and the side of her neck, until Paige slipped out of reach, her lips dragging down the columm of Emily's throat and across the top of her chest. Her lips followed the dipping v of her shirt-collar, her tongue playing along Emily's collarbone and then trailing down.

Paige's lips grazed the tops of her breasts, following their curve it dipped down beneath the fabric of her shirt. Emily's breath caught in her throat, half-hoping, half-fearful, that Paige would cast the material aside and press her lips against her bared breasts. That she would swirl her tongue across her nipple and take it gently into her mouth. She whined softly, not sure if she was asking for more, or pleading for less.

She clung to Paige, breathless and overcome, her skin feeling like it had been lit on fire. Her eyes screwed so tightly shut that sparks flared across her vision. She thought she might spontaneously combust. It was all too much. And Emily wondered if she would ever get enough.

Paige trailed her lips back up Emily's torso, pressing light feathery kisses to the side of her neck and to her cheeks before finding her lips again and capturing them for a deep, breath stealing kiss.

She pulled away abruptly and collapsed against Emily, chest billowing and breath coming in loud, uneven gaps as she tucked her head in beneath Emily's chin and draped an arm across her stomach.

Emily lightened her touch against Paige's back, but still trailed her fingers lightly up and down. The hand on her thigh slid up to curl around her waist, hugging her close.

"You okay?"

"I feel like I should be asking you that," Paige said, her voice little more than a hoarse rasp. "Things got pretty intense."

Emily hummed softly in agreement, but not complaint. She was tired, worn out from the intensity, but also, still oddly buzzed. Like she could go another round, evne though her limbs felt heavy and unresponsive. "I'm good," she said softly, in response to Paige's words. "It was nice."

"Nice?" Paige's head shot up and she gave Emily an incredulous look. "I do some of my best work and all you have to say is nice?"

"Fine. It was mind-blowing. It was spectacular. Is that better?"

Paige pouted, and returned her head to it's spot on Emily's chest. "I don't want you to say it if you don't mean it," she muttered, to which Emily only laughed.

She sobered quickly though, a thought occuring to her. "How was it for you though?" she asked softly, suddenly feeling nervous. "Was it...was I...good?"

Paige huffed a laugh, and Emily's heart dropped. She had been so caught up in how she was feeling and the effect the things Paige did to her had on her body that she hadn't stopped and given much consideration to how it felt for Paige. What if the accident had made her... horrible? She'd lost ten years of memories, but also...experience. She didn't evem remember her first kiss, let alone how to do anything else.

"That's not a serious question is it?" Paige asked. She raised her head again, but Emily couldn't bring herself to meet her gaze. "Em?" Paige ducked her head, trying to force Emily's gaze. "Em, you were amazing."

She chortled, still avoiding Paige's gaze.

"Seriously, Em. The things you do to me..."

Emily could feel Paige's gaze on her, trying to get her to look up, but she refused, to embarrassed to find what she might see in her eyes.

"I wasn't going to bring this up, because I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable but the reason I stopped? It was because I was this close..."

A beat of silence as Paige waited for Emily to look at her.

"You're really going to make me say it, aren't you?" Paige sighed. "I was about to come. The way your lips feel against mine, your body beneath me, your hands all over my back, my ass, my thigh, the way your nails scratched my skin...It was all I could do not to grind myself down onto you. Get myself off."

Emily's cheeks burned, her entire body flushed with heat at Paige's words. But it wasn't embarrassment. At least, not entirely. Some of that heat was want. It was desire. She wanted Paige to grind down against her, to feel that heat and arousal against her thigh. The sensation caught her off guard. It was startling in its intensity, but also, just the fact that she was thinking this, was feeling this, was startlng. It was such a new feeling. Her brain had stuttered over and rejected thoughts of getting that physical, of being that intimate.

Even though Emily knew she should be taking a moment to examine this new revelation, she couldn't help but finally raise her gaze to meet Paige's, and offer up a cocky, proud smile.

Paige rolled her eyes and laughed before lowering herself back down to lay against Emily. An easy silence fell between them. Emily's mind suprising calm in the wake of the changes she had uncovered.


	24. Chapter 24

Guest: Yeah, it's rare for Paige to open up and be vulnerable, but if she's going to do it with anyone it's going to be with Emily. And Emily I think knows this, and is doing her best to help her feel secure.

Nyxxyn I'm glad I could make you laugh and make your heart melt, all in the same chapter.

 **Chapter 24**

The sun set as they lay together on the couch. Emily was content to watch the shadows darken and grow around them, lulled into a near sleep state by the steady, even beating of Paige's heart and the soft rasp of her breathing. Paige's weight rested comfortably on top of her, her head tucked in beneath Emily's chin, one hand running soft circles up and down her side. She revelled in feel of Paige's body stretched along her length, in the solidness of the body within the circle of her arms. It felt right, this moment. More right than anything had ever felt in her life. She wanted to hang here indefinitely, preserving this simple, peaceful calm that enveloped them.

These moments with Paige were perfect. But, Emily knew that she couldn't continue to live for them. She couldn't go on like she had for the past week, biding her time each day for Paige to come home. She would go stir crazy in this house. And she couldn't keep expecting her friends to entertain her either They had lives of their own, jobs, relationships, responsibilites to attend to. It was sweet of them, being willing to keep her occupied but even that would start to wear thin after awhile. There were only so many coffee dates, so many lunches they could have before Emily would start to feel like they were her babysitters. It was bad enough the accident had robbed her of her memories and her injuries had limited her mobility. She couldn't let it also take away what little independence she had left.

Especially not if she wanted this relationship with Paige to work. If she was going to figure out how to be a girlfriend, a partner, to Paige, she couldn't also be constantly relying on her to do everything and be everything for her. She couldn't count on getting her memories back, or on listening to Paige recount their past to figure out who she was. She needed to define that for herself.

"You're quiet tonight." Paige's voice broke into her musings. "Everything all right?"

She was trying to sound casual, but Emily felt the way her heart skipped and then picked up its pace.

"Everything's fine. I'm fine." Emily pressed a kiss to the top of Paige's head, hoping she would find it reassuring. "I'm just thinking about...things."

"Things?"

"Yeah. Things..." she trailed off, not sure how to explain what was going on in her head without worrying Paige. She knew her thoughts would sound like doubts when actually they were the exact opposite. She was trying to get back to herelf, trying to be the best version of her she could so she would be worthy of their relationship. So she could live and grow with Paige, rather than drag alone after her.

She felt the muscles of Paige's back tense beneath her touch at the vagueness of her words, and even though she smoothed her hands over them, trying to ease them out, they remained taut.

"What we have is great," she began slowly, trying to gather her thoughts. At Paige's sharp intake of breath she knew that she had started this all wrong though, and now Paige was expecting the let down, for Emily to start hedging over what had happened tonight. Even though they had just talked about it.

This was part of what Emily was worrying about. She couldn't have Paige being in a constant state of fear that one wrong move and their relationship was over. She needed to be sure of herself so Paige could be sure of them.

She thought through her next words carefully, already off to a bad start and not wanting to make things worse. None of her follow ups seemed any better though. Everything she thought of sounded like the beginning of a break up...but I think we could be better...I need something more...it's not you, it's me. She let out a sigh of frustration. This was ridiculous. Why couldn't she make her thoughts clear? Why couldn't she just say what she wanted?

Paige lay tense above her, not moving, not breathing.

"I want to go back to school," she blurted. The words were out before she'd really had a chance to consider them, but once they were, she realized how true they were. Listening to Aria talk about her classes today, driving by the school, it had cemented the desire in her to take a step towards feeling like she was in control of her own life again. Taking classes, exploring an interest, it was something she could do for herself. To better herself.

"What?" Paige's head shot up and she regarded Emily with wide, surprised eyes. "That's what this is about?"

Emily nodded. "Yeah. I've been thinking. I want to take some classes at Hollis. Online, until my leg heals but after that..." she shrugged.

Paige let out a laugh that sounded half exasperated, half relieved. "Holy Crap, Em. Way to almost give me a heart attack." She lay her head back down on Emily's chest. "Of course you can go back to school if you want to." She wrapped her arms around Emily's sides, snuggling in. "Have you looked into courses?"

"That's it? Just like that?"

"Did you expect me to fight you on it?"

"Well, no." She hadn't, had she? Emily knew that Paige liked taking care of her, liked being able to provide for her. But did she really believe that Paige would keep her limited, prevent her from pursuing something she wanted just to continue playing caretaker? It was such a ridiculous notion that Emily dismissed it immediately. Of course Paige would never do that.

"I just...Can we even afford it?" she asked, stumbling a little over the word we. She wasn't used to thinking in terms of us and we, but she was one half of a couple now. And stuff like that went with the territory. Didn't it? She imagined that they shared finances. "I mean, school is expensive."

"Yeah, school can get pretty pricey but don't worry, we can swing it."

"Are you sure? Or are you just saying it because you think that's what I want to hear?"

"Would I do something like that?"

"In a heartbeat." Emily pinched Paige's side lightly.

Paige batted her hand away, then captured it and laced their fingers together, all without raising her head from its resting place. "Okay, so you're right. I probably would. But, we can go over the financial stuff any time you want. I can go get it right now, if you'd like." She made as if to get up, and Emily wrapped her free arm more securely around her back, pulling her back down and holding her in place.

"We both went to school on athletic scholarships, so neither of us have any student loans hanging over us. There's not much left owing on the house, so we got a really good rate on the mortgage. Less than what we'd be paying if we were renting a place in the city. We're not rich by any means, but we've got some savings and if you want to go back to school we can make it work."

It was exactly what Emily wanted to hear. But she was trying to be an adult about this, to put practicality ahead of her desires. "I don't want to dip into our retirement fund or whatever just to take some classes." Except, she did. She really, really did. She couldn't go on sitting around idle, waiting for Paige to come home. She couldn't continue to wallow in the after effects of her accident, waiting for her leg to heal, for her memory to return, for her life to feel like her own again. She needed to be proactive. To feel like she was doing something to get herself back on track.

"The retirement fund is safe, I promise," Paige said with a chuckle. "My dad's an investor. He's been making me put money aside since I was like twelve. My nest egg, as he calls it. It's not a ton, but it'll get us through our golden years."

Emily felt a little thrill at the casual, easy way that Paige referenced them spending their lived together, of growing old and eventually retiring. She thought it should scare her, the assumption, the implications. But it didn't. It intrigued her.

"Okay. But, I'm sure the savings are there for something. It can't be a good idea to go dipping into it. Especially right now. I'm not working. I have medical bills-"

"Why are you trying to talk me out of this? I thought you wanted to go back to school."

"I do. I just...I'm trying to be responsible. I need to know you're not just agreeing to it because I want it. I don't want to bankrupt us or something just so I can feel like I'm doing something productive."

"Em. You taking some classes is not going to bankrupt us. Insurance will cover your medical bills. And yeah, we might have to skip going away on vacation this year and cut down on dinners out and some of our expenses to get by on one salary for awhile, but if you want to go back to school we can make it work. That's what savings are for. To cover things like that." Paige propped herself up on one elbow, resting her head in her hand so she could regard Emily. "As you've clearly already figured out, I will move heaven and Earth to give you something that you want. But, I'm not reckless, Em. Not with you." Her voice dropped down to bare whisper with the her last words.

Emily shivered, not just from the raw emotion in her voice, but from the depth and intensity of her gaze. She swallowed hard againt the emotions welling up in her throat and blinked againt the sudden onset of tears burning her eyes. She shot Paige a watery smile, too moved to speak, and raised a hand to cup Paige's cheek, stroking it softly.

"You are much too good to me," she said softly before raising up to press a kiss against Paige's lips. She kept it soft and chaste, lingering for a brief moment before falling back against the couch. When she glanced up, she saw Paige still had her eyes closed, a soft, blissful grin on her lips. Slowly, Paige's lids fluttered open and she looked down at her, the love in her eyes catching Emily breathless.

She didn't know what she had done to garner such devotion, but she was going to do her best to make sure she was worthy of it.

Paige surged forward, capturing Emily's lips in a hard, rough kiss. She moaned into Paige's mouth and snaked her hand up her torso, palming her breast. Paige faltered, her breath hitching, and then pressed down into Emily, deepening the kiss almost frenetically. Then pulled away as abruptly as she had leaned in.

"So, I think that's enough for one night," she said, scrambling backwards off Emily, who propped herself up on her elbows, staring at her in confusion.

"Did I do something wrong?"

Paige retreated to the far corner of the couch and shook her head. "No. No. More like you did something a little too right."

"What? Oh." Emily's eyes widened as she caught Paige's meaning. She bit her lip and glanced away, a blush heating her cheeks even as a smile tugged at her lips.

"Yeah, yeah." Paige waved her off as she pushed herself to her feet. "How about dinner? You hungry? It's getting kind of late."

Food had been the last thing on Emily's mind since they'd left the kitchen, and to be honest at the moment she found herself overcome by a different kind of appetite. Paige standing there looking all rumpled with kiss bruised lips wasn't helping matters any. But, she'd put the brakes on things for now, and Emily had to respect that.

"I could eat."

Paige nodded. "Okay. Just give me a minute to change," she said, offering up a wry smile and tugging at the hem of her shirt.

"No. Leave the shirt."

Paige's eyebrows rose up into her hairline. "Leave it?"

"Yeah. I like it." Emily made a point of letting her eyes wander along the length of Paige's body, lingering on her chest, before dipping down to follow curve of her hips.

Paige laughed throatily. "Perv."

A few days ago that comment, even in teasing like Paige had meant it, would have been uncomfortable but now she was able to simply smirk and shrug it off.

"Fine. I'll leave the shirt. But, I do need a moment to freshen up. Be right back."

Before Emily could comment she scurried away upstairs. Emily watched her retreating form, bemused, before levering herself up off the couch and heading into the kitchen. The makings for dinner were still strewn about on the counter where Paige had left them. There was also a grocery bag still sitting on the corner of the counter, which Emily busied herself unpacking. She pulled out an assortment of vegetables, and a brick of garlic-butter. Guessing that it was to go on the loaf of bread, she reached into the drawer for a knife then deffly halved the loaf and spread a liberal amount across the doughy surface. Once that was finished, she placed it on the rack in the broiler, ready to be heated when the rest of dinner was far enough along. From there she set to work making a salad. She had all the vegetables washed and was starting to cut them up when she realized Paige had been upstairs a long time.

She had just made that observation when the woman in question came bustling into the kitchen. Emily noted that for someone who had been "freshening up" she looked pretty flushed, and frazzled. A buzz zipped through her as she considered what that meant. The ache between her leg throbbed in sympathy. Or, maybe it was jealousy. Their make out session had left her pretty worked up too. She'd been trying to ignore it, still uncertain about where she stood on that, even in light of their developing relationship. Although, knowing or at least supsecting, what Paige had done helped resolve that issue. It made her feel less guilty about what she had done the other day, and if things continued on at the rate they were going, would probably be doing again. Often.

"Hey, what are you doing?" she hurried over to Emily and laid a hand over her wrist, stilling it before she could start cutting.

"I'm giving you a hand with dinner.

"I appreciate it, but, I got it."

Emily allowed Paige to ease the knife from her hand, trying not to feel stung. She knew that Paige had a protective streak a mile wide and was just trying to take care of her, to provide for her like a good partner, but she couldn't help feeling a bit rejected. Like Paige didn't want, or value her help. The last thing she wanted was Paige viewing her as some kind of invalid. As a burden or someone she needed to be responsible for.

"I just thought it would be nice to cook together," she said softly, easing away from the counter to give Paige room to work.

Paige's face fell at her words, and Emily felt a litle guilty for feeling stung.

"Aww, Em. I didn't mean it like that. I just...I want.."

"I know. But I...I need to start doing things for myself." Not only had the doctors stressed that limited activity would aid in her recovery, she needed it for her self-esteem. She shot her an imploring look, and with a sigh, Paige nodded.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take anything away from you. I just..."

"Like taking care of me." Emily stroked Paige's cheek and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. "And, I think it's sweet. But, I have to start standing on my own two feet. So to speak. It doesn't mean I don't still need you." She added, guessing that was the root of Paige's behaviour. She clung to the role of caregiver because it was the only thing she was sure of right now, everything else about their relationship was so much up in the air right now.

"Okay. I get it. And I'll try to ease up on the overprotectiveness. I promise. But, I'm still not sure us cooking together is such a good idea."

"Why not?"

"Well, we uh, don't have the best track record when it comes to being in the kitchen together." Paige's eyes shimmered with amusement and she held back a laugh as she spoke.

"Oh? Oh." Emily let out a small laugh as she got what Paige meant.

"Yeah. That dorm room fire isn't the only mishap we've had."

"So, you were lying when you said I was the only one who started a fire while cooking?" She raised an eyebrow accusingly.

"I was not lying. It was your dorm room. You were the one who put the pan on the hot plate. I came into the room after. And, that was the only fire. I stand by what I said."

"Uh-huh." Emily crossed her arms and stared her down.

"There might have been a few severly burned dinners and a couple of pan blackened beyond repair though," Paige relented.

Emily smirked, but conceeded the point. "Will I hinder your concentration if I sit quietly over there?"

"Of course," Paige said, returning the smirk. "But I will do my best to reign myself in."

"Who's the perv?" Emily teased as she made her way over to the table and settled into one of the chairs. Paige didn't bother to reply as she spun around and turned her attention to the food laid out on the counter.

Watching her work, Emily had to admit she could see how the could be easily driven to distraction, allowing themselves to get caught up and let the food burn. Just watching the easy way Paige moved around the kitchen, even without the enticing outfit she was wearing, stirred something within her. It made Emily want to reach out and touch her, to stroke her fingers up and down her legs and kiss the nape of her neck and press her body against Paige's. It was all she could do to remain in her seat, attempting idle small talk as Paige worked.

Despite the late hour, once it was prepared, dinner was delicious. And Emily's hunger had made itself known as soon as Paige started pulling things ouf of the oven. Because Paige had cooked, Emily insisted on cleaning up. Once she had, the two of them retired to the living room with a glass of wine each. Paige pulled out her laptop and they went over all of their financial stuff. She gave, or rather reminded Emily off all the passwords to access their information and showed her their accounts. They each had their own personal account, both which carried a healthy balance. Although Paige's might have been a little healthier. It was apparent which of them was the spendthrift. As well they had a shared account, which they drew from to pay the mortgage and other bills. Paige also showed her their savings account, and while her eyes swam a little at all the figures on the spreadsheet, and she wasn't entirely sure what she was looking at, she believed that Paige had been telling the truth. They weren't rich, but they were comfortable. She could go back to school without risking their finances.

It hit Emily then, for the first time. She had finances. She had a mortgage. And bills. She owned a house. Well, co-owned. It was in both their names. She had a car. Well, she'd had a car. Seeing the bill for the damages made her wince. She might not have a lot of knowlege about automobiles but even she could tell with that many repairs, the car was a write off. She felt a pang of guilt for being the cause of such an expense for them. She didn't know all the details of the accident, she hadn't wanted to know. Though she had been told that it hadn't been her fault. Even so, because of her, they were out thousands of dollars for the vehicle.

It was so different from the allowances and birthday money she was used to budgeting and juggling. Money had always been a bit tight growing up, her parents had instilled in her the vale of a dollar, but there had never been any real consequences if she blew her money on something stupid.

The worst part was, Paige didn't even seem to hold her responsible. She skimmed over the expense like it was nothing. Or, maybe she simply didn't want to talk about the accident. They hadn't discussed it in detail yet. Emily hadn't been ready. Sometimes she wondered if she ever would be. Which was weird. It was such a pivotal moment in her life. Everything could be reduced to before and after. Both of which were a big black hole of uncertainty.

Although, she acknowledged, glancing over at Paige as she exited out of their account files and opened up the web-browser to pull up the Hollis course catalogue online, maybe the after wasn't so uncertain.


	25. Chapter 25

Ale **:** A year already? Wow. I didn't realize I'd been working on it that long. I'm trying to balance out the relationship with the rest of their lives. Though Paily will always be my main focus. Not sure if/when Emily will remember what she learned in school.

Guest: Maybe it'll happen. I don't know. But, even if they don't fight, they will get to the sex part. Probably soon.

Guest Good question. I can't answer that here, but you'll see. And, I think you'll like the answer.

Guest Emily has graduated, but she doesn't remember the information, so her degree isn't much use. Plus, she's injured and can't go to work. Classes are partly just a way to take up her time. And, Paige is a social worker.

Guest I think it'll be awhile before she she sheds all her insecurities, but I think Emily is getting better at picking up on them and addressing them when she sees them, which will help. We'll see more of Emily's work life soon, but right now her injuries are preventing her from going.

 **Author's Note** As it was pointed out to me (Thanks Ale) this story is a year old today. I just want to say thank you, so, so much for sticking with me for a year. You all have been amazingly supportive and encouraging and you make writing these chapters a blast, and a breeze. I've loved getting to know some of you and exchanging ideas and theories. 3 3

 **Chapter 25**

"So, what classes are you thinking oftaking?" Paige asked after Emily had spent a few minutes browsing through the online course selection. Emily shrugged and flicked her finger across the computer's screen, watching the options scroll rapildy. There were so many to choose from, it was overwhelming. She didn't know if she should pick a focus or a bunch of random selections.

"I don't know. History, maybe?" she had always enjoyed the subject. "Or, maybe psychology and sociology?" From the brief description of the course they sounded interesting. "English? I could take Aria's class," she added with a laugh. She glanced over at Paige, hoping the other woman could offer her some kind of insight, only to find Paige looking back at her, an amused grin on her face. "What?"

"Nothing." Paige shook her head. "It's just, the classes you're suggesting? It sounds an awful lot like the course load you took on freshman year at UPenn."

"Really?"

"Yeah. You took a pretty general selection until you hurt your shoulder sophmore year. Luckily, it was an injury you were able to come back from. But you said that the time spent working with the physical therapist inspired you to want to work with other injured athletes. You declared your major in kinesiology."

Emily nodded, taking in Paige's words, trying to to figure out how to process them,. She wasn't sure how she felt about knowing she was re-making decisions she had no memory of.

"You're so worried about figuring out who you are but, maybe you're not so far off?"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't even know, really," she said, shrugging. "I just...I see you struggling with the memory loss and...all of this."

Emily knew that by "all of this" Paige meant herself and their relationship.

"But, you're still _you_."

"But, what if I'm not? What if I'm not the same _me_? I mean, I'm looking at some of the same courses that I took back then, but what if I decide I want to take...biology or psychics or..or...

"Em, it doesn't matter what classes you take," Paige interrupted her gently. "Whether you decide to pursue your old interests or take up something new. I don't care if repeat all the same classes or take entirely different ones. Just because you did something once doesn't mean you have to do it again. You want to go back to bartending. Great. Fine. Be the best damn bartender you can be. Want to re-take your kinesiology degree? Awesome. I'll help you study. Want to pursue something completely different? Cool. But, what you do isn't who you 're still the same sweet, thoughtful, wonderful person that you've always been. And memory loss or no, nothing is going to take that away from you."

Emily's heart skipped a beat at not just the sweet words, but also the plain, utterly sincere way Paige stated them. She caught and held Emily's gaze, the conviction in her eyes almost enough to convince Emily that what she was saying was the truth. She wanted to believe it was that simple at least.

"I was a bartender?"

Paige's eyes widened and her lips quirked. "Out of everything I said, that's what you came away with?"

Emily shook her head, chuckling softly. "No. Sorry. I got it all. I'm just...processing. And, that surprised me. It kind of stuck out, y'know?"

Paige nodded, a grin tugging her features. "I guess. Yeah. You did it in college. On the weekends for spending money. You had your scholarship to cover tuitiion and books, but you didn't want to burden your parents for things like food, clothes, stuff like that."

That made sense. Her dad made a decent salary in the army, and her mom worked to supplement it so there was always food on the table and new clothes for Emily each season and a modest family vacation each time her father came home when she was growing up. But there wasn't a lot of extra for things like the latest fashions or the newest technology. Rosewood was an affluent community and Emily had always felt a step behind her friends, who's parents didn't blink an eye at them dropping money on a cell-phone, a handbag or a pair of shoes whereas Emily had never felt comfortable asking her parents for more.

"You made a pretty wicked drink," Paige said, offereing up a sly grin. "And you looked pretty hot in your uniform."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. It was an Irish place. So it was a red and black kilt and a white button down." Paige's gaze went hazy, as if she were visualizing.

"Aren't kilts Scottish?"

Paige's gaze cleared and she pouted at Emily. "I don't know. Stop trying to apply logic and reason. You looked hot. Isn't that all that matters?"

Emily laughed and shoved her shoulder, thought she felt a blush heat her cheeks at the slightly leering look that lingered on Paige's face. She shook her head, but she wasn't actually exasperated, as she pretended to feign. In truth, she was grateful for the way Paige could lighten a tense moment, how she could make her laugh and get out of her head when things got too overwhelming. She honestly didn't think she would have gotten through this without her.

"It sucks that this happened, but there's nobody I'd rather go through this with than you." Emily said, putting aside the computer and shifting as best she could so she was facing Paige, giving her her full attention. "You have been beyond amazing." She reached up and cupped Paige's cheek, stroking the skin with her thumb before pulling her forward for a soft, sweet kiss.

She's meant it to be a brief, chaste kiss, but it escalated quickly, the way it always seemed to lately. Paige's tongue slipped into her mouth and stroked against her own. Emily was only vaguely aware of Paige leaning into her, of hands wrapping around her shoulders, and the next thing she knew, she was on her back on the couch, Paige hovering over her, kissing her deeply. Not that Emily objected.

Paige's body stretched across hers, pinning her down at the waist and sliding against her ever so subtly as their bodies moved in rythm with the kiss was one of the most amazing feelings Emily had ever experienced. Rivaled only by the way Paige's lips and tongue plied against her own.

Emily wrapped her arms around Paige's shoulders and tugged her down, pulling her in so she could deepen the kiss further. Paige's elbows trembled and then collapsed, bringing her toppling down onto Emily with an oomph. Their forehead smacked together painfully and Emily saw stars for the second time that night, although this was a decidely more unpleasant experience. They were both still for a moment and then spoke at the same time, apologizing in unison.

Paige pushed herself back up and surveyed the damage to Emily's forehead. "Are you okay?" she asked, running a gentle finger along the tender spot.

"Yeah. I'm fine. Are you okay?." She raised her hands to push a few loose tendrils of hair from Paige's forhead so she could look for swelling or bruising.

"I've got a hard head. You know that." Satisfied that there was no damage Paige shifted to lie beside Emily, wedging herself in between her body and the back of the couch. It was a tight fit, but it meant that Paige was pressed right up against her, so Emily was more than okay with the new position.

"Just remember you said, it not me."

"Hah, hah."

Emily didn't have to be looking to know Paige was rolling her eyes and smirking.

They lay quietly, contently, for awhile, though Emily felt her mind slowly starting to pick up speed. The whole conversation with Paige had left a heavy feeling in her stomach. Although, not for anything Paige had said, or done.

It was an eye opening moment that made her realize how little she knew about Paige. They had been living together for a week and here they were trying to make a go of a relationship and if pressed Emily would have to admit she didn't really know anything about her. She knew that it was a minor detail, that the little things like how Paige took her coffee or her favorite flavour of ice cream didn't really matter. Not when she believed that she knew who Paige was, knew her heart and soul, but it felt like such an uneven balance since Paige knew everything about her.

She tried to figure out a smooth way to segue into that conversation, to glean some information about Paige and after a moment decided to just go for it.

"What's wrong?" she asked, pressing a soft kiss to the side of Emily's jaw.

"Nothing's wrong," Emily said a she draped her arms along Paige's and laced their fingers together. "It just hit me that .we've been so focused on me and my memories and how I'm doing that I've never taken the time to get to know you."

"You know me." Emily heard the frown in Paige's voice.

"I know who you are," Emily agreed. "But, I don't know all the little things that make you , you. How you take your coffee. Favorite color. Favorite ice cream flavour."

"Those are the things that make me, me?"

Emily tugged one hand free from Paige's grasp to smack her thigh. "You know what I mean." She rubbed her hand over the spot, smoothing the sting. "I just want to know the little details that fill out the bigger picture."

"Okay. Um, black. Red. And, rocky road."

Emily nodded along to Paige's answer, trying to remember what questions she'd voiced. Once she had that sorted in her head she posed a few more. The rest of the evening passed in a twenty questions sort of game, with Emily asking Paige whatever she could think of, no matter how superfluous or minor the detail might seem.

After awhile, Paige got in on the question asking, mostly just testing to see if Emily knew, or had an answer. She was suprised to find that a lot of things came to her automatically, without her having to think about them, although she got stumped a few times. When that happened, Paige would press a kiss to her cheek and rub her thigh soothingly-although she had to quit that action after awhile when the motion stopped being soothing and began stirring up feelings in Emily's stomach.

Slowly the questions moved from Paige individually to their relationship. Emily found she loved listening to Paige talk about their early days. She described things with such passion and care that in the moment, Emily felt like she was there, reliving the moment. It was almost like getting the memory back. She would close her eyes and listen to Paige describe things and she could see it playing across her vision.

Like Paige's story about their first apartment, a cramped, dusty shoe-box of a place a few blocks from campus. If she closed her eyes, she could picture it. With the leaky kitchen faucet and the living room window that didn't close all the way and the radiator that was so hot it would scald you one minute and then freezing cold the next, leaving them constantly bundling and unbundling all winter, waking up in the middle of the night alternately sweating and shivering. From the description of it, the place was a nightmare. Tiny, dirty and poorly located but, Emily could feel how happy they had been there, the two of them finally out on their own, living together and scraping together money for rent and bills. Living off Emily's tips and Paige's meager stipend. Eating pasta and chicken fingers and splurging on pizza or chinese food on occasion, going to bed together each night and waking up together the next morning, arguing over who forgot to pick up milk or take out the garbage and wet towels left on the floor and toothpaste left uncapped.

Or their first vacation together, a road trip to California the summer between junior and senior year. Emily complaining that Paige was getting the powdered sugar from her donuts all over the interior of the car and Paige griping about Emily's sweaty feet on the dash. Sketchy motels and dark deserted stretches of highway, truck stops and diners, bickering over Emily's inability to read a map and Paige's refusal to ask for directions. And finally arriving on the west coast where they watched the sun set over the ocean and walked along the Santa Monca pier and tried surfing and visited Alcatraz and took pictures under the Golden Gate Bridge.

Even the first real, grown up fight they had over a grad school opportunity for Paige that would take her halfway across the country. How Emily had stumbled across the application and acceptance letter while looking for something in Paige's desk and confronted her about pursuing the opportunity without even speaking to her about it and Paige, instead of defending herself had gone on the defensive and accused Emily of snooping through her things. It had led to Emily storming out and spending two days at Hannah's before returning to the apartment and the two of them talking it out.

Emily's stomach churned at the thought of the pain and turmoil they both must have been going through, but seeing as how she was hearing the tale while lying within the safety of Paige's arms it wasn't as upsetting as it probably had been at the time.

All of these little insights into their relationship, into their life together, their love for each other, only cemented her notion that there were some things that were unavoidable. Memory loss or no, she and Paige were meant to be together. It was futile, almost ridiculous, to fight it. And as she lay here now, listening to the gentle rasp of Paige's voice she couldn't help but wonder why she had ever tried. It seemed to senseless now, when she could see where her path to happiness lay.

There was only one thing that nigggled in the back of her mind, a semi, fleeting thought. "How is it that we're not married?"

The question was out almost before Emily even knew she was thinking it, let alone was going to say it.

Paige blinked, looking just as taken aback by the question as Emily. "What?"

"Why are we not married?" She repeated. Although she hadn't meant to ask it, now that it was out there, it seemed like a valid point. She could only imagine what her reaction would have been if she'd woken up and discovered that she had a wife, rather than a girlfriend but now that she'd brought it up, it did seem a little strange. By all accounts their relationship was solid. They'd been together for years. They shared a house, accounts, bills, they had a routine, a life. She knew couples who had been together for less time that had married. Her own parents had only been dating for about six months before her father proposed.

A grin plays across Paige's face. "Is that a proposal?"

Emily's heart skips a beat and she wonders for a moment, what if it was? before her heart resumes it's normal rythmn and she shakes the notion off. "No," she said, giving Paige a little shove. "I'm just...we've been together for like ten years. We live together. We've had what sounds like an amazing life together. I guess I'm just wondering why we've never gotten married. You seem like the type."

"The type?

"You know, the marriage type. The I want to spend the rest of my life with you, happily ever after type."

"I'm not sure whether or not I should be offended by that or-"

"No. I'm not trying to offend you I just-"

"Easy. I was just teasing. I am the I want to spend the rest of my life with you, happily ever after type," Paige said. "I do want to spend the rest of my life with you. And, I've already got my happy ever after."

Emily swooned, her stomach pitching and her heart racing.

"As for the proposal, I guess I just...I..." She shrugged and dipped her head, but not before Emily caught a hint of a blush creeping it's way up her neck and across her cheeks. She smiled softly at the sight, touched, for a moment, as she thought that Paige was shy to ask. But, that didn't sit right with her. Paige didn't seem shy, especially when it came to their relationship. Emily knew she didn't have a full picture, but from everything she had seen, Paige was steadfast and sure. If she were going to pop the question, she would have done so already. Probably pre-maturely and with adorable, fumbling awkwardness.

"You're waiting for me to pop the question, aren't you?" Emily asked, feeling both amused by the prospect, and horrified that her other self apparenlty either hadn't figiured it out. Or worse hadn't the inclination.

Paige dipped her head again, breaking eye contact. "No," she said, so utter unconvincing that Emily knew she was lying.

"Paige." Emily squeezed her hand, urging her to look up.

"It's not like that. I promise. We had a talk about it, years ago. Like, senior year of high school maybe, and I told you that I knew everyone was expecting me to be the one to propose, but I kind of wanted to be the one romanced for once. Y'know?"

Emily frowned at the thought of knowing this fact and still letting so many years go by without taking any action.

"It was super embarrasing and I can't believe I have to utter this confession twice now," Paige said with a laugh that Emily tried to muster a response to but couldn't. She didn't understand how Paige could be so blase about it. "But I told you I was going to wait for you to ask me. That even though I'd never really gone in for all that princess, fairytale, girly stuff. I love sweeping you off your feet and all that. But, I was a little girl once too. Y'know? I played wedding with my dolls and imagined some faceless prince charming getting down on one knee and...and...I guess I just wanted that perfect proposal."

"Oh, Paige" Emily took both of Paige's hands in her own and squeezed, feeling guilty for an action, or rather an inaction, she didn't even remember.

Paige squeezed back. "No, Em. It's really not a big deal. You've been planning to. For awhile. I wasn't supposed to know, but you're not always as quiet on the phone as you think you are. And Hannah is not as subtle as she would like to believe."

"Wait. What?" To say Emily was stunned woud have been an imense understatement.

"Our annivesary is this year and we were talking about going away, somewhere tropical where we could lie in the sun and swim in the ocean. And then all of a sudden you start making 3 a.m. phone calls to Spencer and Hannah's asking to borrow my class ring."

"What?" Emily repeated.

Paige laughed lightly. "Don't worry, I'm not expecting it now."

Emily shook her head, that wasn't even what she thinking about. She just couldn't get past the idea that she had been planning to propose to Paige. They would be on their way to getting married were it not for her accident. Yet one more thing her memory loss had messed up.

It had taken her almost ten years to plan to do it, and now she had set them back another ten years. Why had she waited so long?

"Like I said, Em. We talked about it ages ago. We agreed we didn't want to get married until we were established in our careers and financially stable. Weddings are expensive and we didn't want to burden our parents with the costs. We knew where we stood, there wasn't any rush."

Has she spoken out loud, or was Paige just that attuned to her emotions? She had a feeling it was the latter. It was still a lot to process, but she felt like it was starting to sink in. The guilty feeling started to disipate.

"What about kids?" she blurted, the feeling welling back up again. Surely Paige was the type to want kids. Emily imagined she'd be amazing with them.

"Yeah. We had plans to start a family, one day. Just like getting married, kids are expensive. We wanted to wait until we could afford it. Again, there was no rush. We were both happy with the way things were."

Emily nodded. It seemed insane to even be thinking about it, weddings, proposals, kids. She wasn't ready for any of them. Yet, her curiousity had been sparked.

"How many? Which of us was going to carry them?

"At least two. Maybe more. And, we were going to adopt."

"Really?" Emily was surprised by that.

"Yeah. I mean, neither one of us were particularly interested in being pregnant. And, there are so many kids out there who could use a good home."

Emily nodded, a little dissapointed at the prospect of not having a little mini-Paige running around.

"If that's changed. If you want to-"

Emily shook her head. "No. It's fine."

"Em, it's not like it's set in stone. That was a decision we made like six years ago, lying in your tiny dorm bed, half-drunk, imagining the future. I'm not holding you to it. If you've changed your mind, if you want to conceive and carry our child, I'm fully on board."

Emily's head spun at the concept. This conversation was far more advanced than she felt like she was ready for and yet it had come about so naturally. Maybe the part that was freaking her out was that she wasn't freaking out. Sure, kids were still a long way off, but talking about them, thinking about them, planning for having them with Paige, it just felt right. She could actually picture the two of them parenting together, chasing after a rambuctios toddler or two, juggling soccer practice and music lessons of a pre-teen, enforcing curfews and fighting over driving privliges with a teenager. It's not like she wanted any of those things right now, but the idea was planted in her mind in a way it had never been before and now that it was in there, she couldn't shake it.

"No decisions have to be made tonight," Paige said misinterpreting her silence.

"I know," she said softly, turning her head to press a kiss to Paige's cheek.

It didn't take long for the sombre mood to shift back to something a little lighter, as Paige pulled the computer from the coffee table onto both of their laps and began scrolling through the course catalogue, offering up suggestions on what Emily should take. It was hard to take her seriously however when she read out things like Vampire Studies and Demonology. But, it helped break the ice and Emily stopped feeling so overwhelmed by the multitude of choices. She no longer felt like there was pressure on her to pick the right course, and she just selected a handful that sounded interesting.

They filled the application out, but just before they were about to hit send, Emily laid her hand over Paige's, stilling it's movement.

"What about our anniversary?" she said, making the connection between what Paige had said about skipping going away this year and their anniversary trip coming up. She didn't want them to miss out on it just so she could take some classes.

"What about it? Oh, Em. Don't worry about it. It's just a vacation."

"It's not. It's our anniversary. We had a big trip planned."

"I wouldn't say a big trip."

"Paige."

"I'm sure we can still do something."

"Maybe I should just hold off on classes for awhile."

"What? No. If you want this, you should do it." Paige smoothed a hand up and down her arm. "And I promise we'll do something special for our anniversary. It might not be a tropical vacation but maybe we can get away for a long weekend somewhere."

"Yeah?" Emily perked up a bit at the prospect.

"Yeah. Find a bed and breakfast or rent a cabin, spend a couple days hiking and swimming. We can head up to the Jersey Shore if you've got your heart set on the beach."

"That sounds good." The details didn't really matter to Emily at the moment, she just wanted to be sure that she hadn't wrecked things. Her memory loss had taken enough away from them both she didn't want it to take everything.

"It's a plan." Paige kissed the side of her head and then wiggled her fingers under Emily's grip. "You ready?"

Emily still felt apprehensive about the several thousand dolllars Paige had transferred into her account to cover the fees, but Paige didn't seem to mind. She almost seemed more excited about it than Emily, so she pushed the feeling aside and pressed down on the keyboard. The screen flashed and a little hourglass appeared. A moment later a confimation message saying her application had been sent popped up. Emily stared at with an unexpected sense of accomplishment.

She was officially a college student. Online courses, but still.

"Feels good, doesn't it?" Paige husked, her voice so close to Emily's ear making her shiver.

She nodded, not trusting her own voice.

She pressed a kiss to Emily's temple. "Tired?" she murmured against her skin.

She hadn't been, but the suggestion prompted a jaw-popping yawn. Paige laughed lightly and it reverberated through Emily's body.

"Guess that answers that." Paige gently prodded Emily into a sitting position and then pushed herself up as well. "You want to head up, I'll lock up down here?"

Rather than arguing that she could handle it, that she might be tired but it wasn't like she was dead on her feet, Emily agreed and made her way upstairs as she heard Paige start to shuffle around, making sure doors were locked and lights were off.

She headed into her room and riffled through the dresser for some pj's. She selected an oversized Flyers t-shirt and a pair of pj short, which she pulled up with minimal struggle. She had gotten accustomed to working material up and over her cast.

She was just coming out of the bathroom, where she had combed her hair and brushed her teeth, when Paige hit the landing of the stairs and paused, eyeing Emily.

"What?" she asked, glancing down at her outfit and then back at Paige.

"Nothing." Paige shook her head and continued walking.

"No. Tell me."

"You're wearing my clothes," Paige said softly as she approached. Despite the fact that she was getting closer, Emily could barely hear her.

"What's that?"

'You're wearing my clothes." Paige raised her gaze. "The shirt? It's mine. And the shorts."

Emily tugged self-consciously at the hem of the shirt. "I didn't think you'd mind."

Paige's eyes widened as she processed that it wasn't an accident. Emily hadn't just reached into the dresser and grabbed something, she had selected something of Paige's on purpose.

"I don't. I love seeing you in my clothes. It's just been awhile."

"Oh. Okay. Good." Emily hadn't known why, exactly, she'd reached for Paige's drawer in the dresser instead of her own, but pulling on Paige's shirt had felt a little bit like pulling a piece of Paige over herself. It carried the same sense of warmth and security as being wrapped in Paige's arms.

"Right. Good." Paige nodded, and shifted in place in the hallway.

Emily nodded as well, suddenly unsettled at the prospect of going into her room and climbing into that big, empty bed. What had been a relief to her only a week ago, now seemed daunting. When had that happened? When had Paige climbing into bed with her become something she wanted?

"So, um. Goodnight. I guess." She moved to step around Emily, heading for the doorway of her office, when Emily stopped her with a hand on her wrist. She turned her head, eyebrows raised in questioning.

"Right. Sorry." She leaned in and gave Emily a sweet goodnight kiss. "Still getting used to the fact that I can do that," she said, pressing their forheads together for a moment before pulling away, a lazy grin on her face.

"Not that I didn't appreciate that, because I did. But actually, what I was thinking was...Do you have to...I mean, would it be to forward...or awkward...or something if..."Emily almost growled in frustration at her own inability to get the words out. She wasn't usually so tongue tiedShe found it endearing when Paige stuttered and stumbled over her words, but peronally, it was annoying. Paige's brow furrowed and she shot Emily a look of concern. "Will you sleep with me?" she blurted.

Paige drew back, looking completely floored by the suggestion, and for a moment, Emily thought she had said the utterly wrong thing. Then a slow, dazed grin pulled at her lips and light up her whole face. She let out a laugh and threw her arms around Emily's neck, hugging her tightly. When she pulled back, her eyes shone bright with tears. Emily felt her own eyes burn in sympathy. She knew how big of a deal it was to Paige to be invited back into their bed. And, while Emily wasn't ready to take things all the way, she felt the weight of the invitation all the same.

A week ago she never would have imagined she'd ever feel ready, let alone want, to fall asleep with Paige lying next to her. But now it was all she could think about. She'd gotten a taste of it, accidentally and unintentionally but she wanted to slip into bed knowing that Paige was slipping in on the other side, and that they were going to come together in the middle. That Paige was going to wrap around her, or pull her close, and she would be warmed by the heat of her body and soothed by the beat of her heart.

Without another word, Paige slipped past Emily and led the way into the bedroom. Emily paused in the doorway, watching her pull down the comforter and fluff up the pillows, that smile still playing at the corner of her lips.

"I have to get up early. I'm sorry if my alarm disturbs you," she said, reaching for the clock on the nightstand. Emily shook her head. She really didn't care.

"It's fine." She watched Paige pull of her watch and tie her hair into a low ponytail at the back of her neck and then reach for the blanket. She paused and turned to Emily before pulling it back, looking uncertain. Emily hurried forward. Crossing the distance to "her" side of the bed, the side she had subconciously been lying on all week, she adjusted her own pillows and then slid onto the bed. Paige clicked off the lamp and followed suit quickly, the room silent for a moment or two save for the rustling of covers as they positioned themselves. Emily was limited in how she could lay, with her cast, but Paige compensated easily, and soon they were lying together, Emily on her back with Paige on her side next to her, head resting on Emily's shoulder, arm draped across her stomach. Her hair tickled the side of Emiily's neck and the weight on her side was unfamiliar but it was an easy adjustment as Paige's breathing and the steady thrum of her heart eased her into sleep.


	26. Chapter 26

Guest They've talked about Emily's past some, and it may come up again.

Pailylover So, this chapter isn't quite what you suggested-though I love that idea and will definitely try and work that in-but hopefully you'll enjoy it all the same.

Guest Yeah, some things are just meant to be.

Guest Well, kids are still a long way off. But, we'll see.

Ale It's both a small step, and a huge leap, in terms of the progress of their relationship. I'm glad you're enjoying the various aspects of their lives and relationship that come into play. This chapter isn't quite what you asked for, but it's got elements of it. So I hope you enjoy it.

Guest Thank you. And yes, Emily is well on her way to falling in love with Paige all over again.

Nyxxyn Yeah, it was a big step for Emily, to finally start to invest herself in Paige and the relationship. And to ask her back into their bed.

 **Chapter 26**

Paige wasn't kidding when she said she needed to set her alarm early. It was pitch black out, not even the faintest sliver of light working it's way through the gap in the curtains when the shrill buzz of Paige's alarm shocked Emily out of her sleep. Prying an eye open she peered at the display, 4:45 a.m. Nobody should have to be up that early. Apparently Paige felt the same way, as she groaned softly and buried her face further into the side of Emily's neck. When she showed no indication of getting up, or even moving to shut if off, Emily reached awkwardly around her and felt around for the snooze button, finally managing to press down on it and silence the incessent sound.

"It's not even five in the morning," she mumbled, shifting back into position on the bed. Paige shifted with her, remaining snuggled into Emily's side, her body warm and loose from sleep.

"I have to be in Philly by eight," Paige mumbled, slipping her hand beneath the fabric of Emily's shirt and palming her stomach. "And I want to go for a run. And, make breakfast before I leave."

"I'm sure we can both make do with cold cereal or a muffin for once." As much as Emily enjoyed Paige's breakfasts, which was almost as much as she enjoyed watching Paige make breakfast, she was willing to sacrifice a warm, home cooked meal for another thirty minutes in bed and her sleep not being disturbed before the sun was up. Not to mention another thirty minutes of Paige wrapped around her, hand exploring lightly beneath her sleep shirt, breath tickling her neck and her heartbeat strong and steady beneath Emily's hand. She burrowed further into Paige's body, into her touch.

She had failed to understand, so many days ago, Paige's reluctance to sleep in this bed to alone. Had failed to understand the intimacy of going to bed and waking up together, of lying beneath the sheets, bodies pressed close, hearts beating and chests rising and falling in unison. But, she got it now. Lying here with Paige, the world dark and still around them, the covers draped snugly over their bodies, it was a closeness, a connection she had been unable to fathom until she experienced it for herself.

And, now that she had experienced it, she was determined to prolong the moment for as long as possible.

"I still need to get a run in."

"Skip it. I'm sure I can think of a few ways for you to work up a sweat and get that heart pumping."

"Oh, yeah?" Emily could hear the excitement and anticipation in Paige's voice and she bit back a smile. Paige was so predictible. Although, there was something endearing about her one-track mind, and the eagerness in which she approached even the smallest physical interaction between them. Whether it was holding hands or cuddling on the couch with a movie, or exchanging the sweetest of kisses, Paige was enthusiastically on board.

"Yeah. I think so."

Before Emily could say any more, she felt Paige's hands on her shoulders, pressing her into the pillows as she shifted and positioned herself over Emily, straddling her hips. It was too dark for Emily to really see anything. The only illumination in the room the glowing red numbers of Paige's alarm clock, but it was enough to cast a faint shadow, a silhouette of Paige's form as Paige leaned down. Her lips unerringly found Emily's, her tongue immediately pressing forth. Chuckling softly, Emily parted her lips, granting access. Her laughter caught in her throat and quickly tranformed into a moan as Paige kissed her deeply, hips rocking hard against her as she did so.

The parted with a gasp, each other them breathing raggedly.

"Good morning," Paige rasped, and Emily hear the giddy excitement in her voice. Could feel the pride and excitement and happiness at waking up next to Emily practically radiating off her.

"Good morning." Emily was wide awake now, any lingering traces of sleepiness chased away by the arousal now coursing through her. She couldn't see Paige's features but she could see her eyes shining softly in the dim light and knew that she was gazing down on her, drinking in whatever parts of Emily she could find cast in the glow of the alarm clock. And she didn't have to see her face to know she was smiling broadly. She knew, because she could feel the same grin tugging up her own lips.

She wanted to reach for the lamp, to turn on the light and show Paige that the same excitement lit up her face and shone in her eyes. But, her hands had ideas of their own, and lifted to Paige's hips instead.

Paige leaned forward again at the touch, her lips meeting Emily's as her hand slid across Emily's stomach and up her torso. Emily's breath caught in her throat and her heartbeat increased, anticipation making her muscles taut as it inched up her body. She arched up off the bed and let out a something between a sigh and a gasp when it closed around her breast. Paige chuckled softly against her lips and tweaked it with her thumb and forefinger, as her lips began trailing kisses down Emily's neck.

Sparks flared across her vision as Paige's lips and tongue plied their way across the column of her throat and her fingers tugged and rolled her nipple. White-hot arousal spiked through her, leaving her breathless and stunned, unable to do anything but lay on the bed and cling to Paige's hips, withstanding the onslaught. Each breath was a struggle, her lungs feeling like they were lined with lead and unable to inflate. Raspy moans fell continuously from her lips, forced up her throat from somewhere deep inside.

To Emily's dissapointmend, Paige's lips left her neck and her hand fell away from her breast. She let out a groan, voicing her displeasure, only to cut herself off with a sharp intake of breath when she felt a tug at the edges of her shirt, and the next thing she knew, the chilled air of the room was raising goosebumps across her over heated skin as Paige pulled the garment over her head. A soft whisp of air against the side of her breast her only warning before Paige's lips closed around it, elliciting a throaty moan from Emily.

"Oh, God," she gasped, arching up into the touch, her nails digging into Paige's sides as fever and chills coursed through her. She dragged her hands up Paige's back, pressing into her shoulder blades and holding her in place as Paige's tongue flicked rapidly across her nipple.

Her legs spread of their own accord, her hips thrusting up in yearning. Paige took the invitation, her hand slipping beneath the waistband of Emily's shorts...

Emily woke with a gasp, her heart racing and her body buzzing with arousal. Her legs were splayed open and she was drenched in sweat. The sheets and her sleep clothes tangled around her body.

"Oh, my God," she rasped, pressing a hand to her chest, trying to calm the racing of her heart and the billowing of her chest. She turned her head to the side, peering through the dim glow of the room to see if her dreaming, or startled waking had disturbed her companion. Thankfully, she was alone in the bed. She reached out and ran her hand across the sheets, finding them cool to the touch. Paige had been up for awhile. A quick glance at the clock revealed it was just after six. She had probably already left for work.

Emily didn't know whether to be relieved or dissapointed. On one hand, she had been looking forward to waking up in Paige's arms this morning. On the other, the last thing she needed was for Paige to notice the state in which she'd woken up and start asking questions about her dream.

It had been so vivid. Lying here now she could still practically Paige's lips against hers. Her skin still tingled from Paige's touch. It felt as real to her as the sheets covering her body and the sweat covering her skin.

Arousal continued to thrum through her, increasing rather than decreasing as she remembered the dream. Paige's weight against her hips, pinning her down. Paige's breath against her lips a second before they met hers in a kiss. Paige's fingers, gentle but sure against her skin. Her breasts ached, and Emily's hands rose to them automatically, her fingers mimicking Paige's motions before she even realized what it was she was doing. She let out a gasp as she pinched her own nipples, a much more muted arousal than the one from her dream shooting straight through her center. The shock of it pulled Emily back to awareness for a moment. Her fingers fumbled, falling away, before resuming their ministrations.

Her hands were smaller than Paige's, her skin smoother. But, if she closed her eyes she could pretend that it was Paige's fingers pinching and rolling her nipple, that it was Paige's hand sliding down her stomach and slipping into the waistband of her shorts, Paige's hand that was responsible for the wetness pooling between her legs. For the arousal that buzzed through her, making her skin tingle and her breath short.

Slowly, she slid her finger through her folds, gasping in suprise at how hot and swollen they felt. How even the faintest of pressure had them twitching and her hips bucking for more. Her fingers moved easily through the wetness, generating even more as she stroked back and forth, her touch growing firmer, less tentative with each pass. Her hips began to shift restlessly with the movement of her hands, her legs parted further, opening her up as if in offering.

Her heart pounded loudly in her ears and her hand shook slightly as she paused, poised at her entrance and then slipped inside.

"Oh, my god," the words fell from her lips as her walls first resisted and then gave way, trembling and twitching as her fingers filled the small, tight space. Slowly, she began to move, pushing her fingers in deep and then pulling out. Within a few strokes, she had found a rythmn, her hips rising and falling with the motion of her hand.

Of Paige's hand, she reminded herself, eyes squeezing shut on a particularly hard thrust. It was Paige's fingers pushing deep inside. Paige's fingers curling slightly to explore the depths.

She could feel her pulse pound though her entire body, tiny tremors, like little electic shocks radiated out from her center. She bit her lip against a groan, but as the pressure mounted, she eventually gave way and let it out. One after another they fell from her lips.

"Oh, my god. Paige. Oh, Paige."

"Emily, what is it? What's wrong?"

Emily's eyes flew open at the sound of a voice. Paige stood frozen in the doorway, a breakfast tray in a white knuckle grip as she stared at Emily in shock. Emily was too stunned to move either, for a long moment the room was a still, silent tableau, with Emily lying there, hand buried deep between her legs and Paige looking on. Then, like glass shattering the moment broke.

Cheeks burning with embarassment Emily pulled her hand out and wiped it off against the sheets only to pause, realizing what the motion must look like to Paige.

"I though you had already left."

"Evidently."

Emily chanced a glance up at Paige to find her staring back at her, the expression on her face not one of shock or dissapointment or disgust at finding Emily in such a compromising position. Instead she looked almost amused. Her lips twitched, as if she were supressing a smile. And there wasn't a trace of blush on her cheeks, unlike Emily, who's face felt like it was on fire.

"Don't let me stop you," Paige said, leaning one shoulder against the doorway and staring intently towards the bed. "Carry on."

Emily hadn't thought it possible to feel more mortified than she had at being caught, but Paige words proved that it was. She told herself that the heat that coursed through her was embarrasment and not arousal at the thought of Paige watching.

Slowly the amusement drained from Paige's face. "I'm sorry. That was inappropriate. I...forgot myself for a moment." She pushed herself off the door. "I'll go. Let you...finish up." And the amusement was back. She flashed Emily a grin and wagged her eyebrows.

Her actions were enough to ease some of the tension . Emily felt some of the heat leave her body. Her embarassment level dropping from mortified to merely humiliated.

She took in the way Paige hovered in the doorway, dressed for work and holding a breakfast tray and it struck her that Paige had gotten up earlier than she had to, just so she could make Emily breakfast in bed before she left. It had been their first night together since the accident. Their first intentional one, anyway. And this was supposed to be their first morning after. They had missed out on cuddling because, somehow, Emily had slept through Paige's alarm. Paiige had gone to a lot of effort to still make the morning special. And, Emily was ruining it.

"You don't have to go."

"Really?" Paige's grin only got more salacious and she stepped further into the room.

Emily let out a short, sharp laugh, and shook her head. "Oh, my god. You're horrible." But, she was smiling, just a little, as she said it. She pushed herself into a sitting position, leaning against the headboard. Paige crossed the room and set the breakfast tray on the bed beside her before sliding in next to her. Emily had never felt more self-concious, aware of the wet patch on her pj shorts and the drying stickiness on her fingers, as Paige settled cross legged beside her. She had thought that Paige's presence in the room would have killed the mood. And, while it certainly put a damper on it, it hadn't killed it completely.

Having Paige sitting so close to her, their knees bumping as Paige shifted so she could reach the tray better, their shoulders brushing as she settled back into place with her coffee, it only served to remind Emily that she didn't need to recall her dream to know how it felt to have Paige's body pressed against hers. She had real life experience of that. She knew how it felt to have Paige's lips ply against her own, to have her tongue explore the inside of her mouth-

"So, first day of school. Are you excited?" Paige's question cut into Emily's train of thought.

"What?" she asked, shaking her head trying to clear it.

"Wake up, sleeping beauty." Paige laughed "I said, it's your first day of school. Are you excited?"

Emily side-eyed Paige, who was reaching for a plate of pancakes.

"Are we really not going to talk about what you just walked in on?"

"Do you want to talk about what I just walked in on?"

Emily turned her head to stare at Paige. Of course she didn't want to talk about it. But, she also didn't understand how Paige could be going about her morning like it hadn't happened. Paige turned to Emily and seeing the confusion that was probably written all over her face, her expression softened. She put down the plate she had grabbed and shifted to face her.

"I know that this is all new territory for you. That your sexuality and our relationship and everything that comes with it is new and kind of confusing. If you want to talk about what you're feeling, you know I'm here for you.

"I know." Emily reached out to squeeze her hand, then remembered where it had been, and pulled back. Chuckling softly, Paige reached out and laced their fingers together.

"But, if you're not ready, if you want to work things out in your head, that's fine too."

Emily nodded and gave Paige's hand another squeeze in thanks. She loved that Paige knew her so well. That she seemed to always know the right things to do or say to put her at ease. Knew when to draw her out and when to give her space. It made her feel bad that she didn't know Paige in that same way. Though, she was starting to trust her instincts a bit more. So far they had done a pretty good job, or at least she thought they had, in steering her through some pretty big emotional landmines with Paige.

"I know that I embarrassed you just now. And, I didn't mean to make light of that. It's just for me, it's not that big a deal. I've seen you...in compromising positions before."

Emilyy felt her face burn at the insinuation. She knew, from what Hannah had said and Paige had intimated that the two of them had had...physical relations. And, she was starting to be able to wrap her mind around it a little better. Especially as they started getting closer physically. And, dreams like the one she'd just had certainly didn't hinder matters either. But, it was still a bit of a foreign entity to her.

"Oh?" She winced at how raspy her voice sounded and reached for one of the glasses of orange juice with her free hand. She sipped it slowly, trying to clear her throat, but the thick, pulpy material only seemed to make the lump larger and more solid. "And, what..." she coughed and cleared her throat. "What did you used to do...before, when you caught me...?"

Paige's eyes went wide and she reached for her glass, which she chugged quickly while avoiding eye contact. Emily felt her own eyes grow wide as she realized what that meant. Her stomach churned and a not altogether unpleasant buzz coursed through her.

"Oh." The sound came out more breathy than she had intended, but she couldn't help it. Her thoughts were racing away on her, alternate scenarios of what could have happened this morning playing out across her vision.

Paige drained her glass, choking and coughing a little on the last drops before recovering and reaching for her pancakes again.

"You know, I don't remember you ever being this embarrassed talking about sex when we were younger," Paige said, gently tugging her grip free from Emily's so she could pick up her knife and fork. Emily immediately missed the warmth of her touch, and reached for her own pancakes, just to have something to do with her hands. "It used to be stumbling and blushing my way through a conversation," she added with a chuckle.

"Yeah?" Emily could picture it, a younger Paige, beat red and stuttering awkwardly. She smiled a bit at the mental image. "Like what?" she asked. "What embarrassed you?" Somehow it was easier to talk about Paige's embarrassment than her own. Maybe listening to Paige laugh at herself about it would help ease Emily's apprehension about the issue.

"Well, the first time you asked me to use a strap on, that was a pretty awkward conversation all around."

Emily nearly choked on the bite of pancakes she had taken. As it was, she had to swallow hard, and swig a mouthful of juice to get it to go down. From the sly grin on Paige's face, Emily had a feeling she had timed her comment for just that reaction. She glared at Paige, who merely laughed.

"It was Halloween, our first together, though we'd been going out awhile at that point. I had this whole tux thing picked out as my costume and you thought it would fun to-"

"Okay. Okay. I get it." Emily cut Paige off before she could go any further, not because she was embarrassed, but because the mental image she was creating was a little too much for her to handle right now. She was already on edge from her dream and working herself up after it, with no release. She was pretty sure that Paige would kill it, in a tux. Adding that outfit with her natural swagger...it didn't take much for Emily to accept that she would have been turned on by such an image, nor did it take much stretch of the imagination for her to imagine them together, with Paige in her suit taking her...

"I'm sorry, Em. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." Paige's laughter faded and she reached out, laying what Emily was sure she meant as a comforting hand on her leg. Emily flinched at the touch, and immediately regretted it, as she caught Paige's face fall.

"Sorry."

She slowly drew her hand away.

"No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that." Emily reached for her hand but Paige had already wrapped it around her fork once again and was staring intently at the food on her plate. She wasn't eating though, she was just pushing the mushy pieces of pancake around in the syrup.

"You didn't make me uncomfortable." Emily put her hand beneath Paige's chin instead and slowly turned her head. She didn't fight the movement, but she kept her gaze averted. "I mean it. Paige," she quietly implored the other woman to look at her. "You didn't make me uncomfortable." I'm just still insanely aroused? Emily knew she couldn't say that. But, what else could she say to smooth over this moment? Anything other than the truth was going to sound false. And placating. "It's just been a really weird morning," she finished, lamely.

"Yeah." Paige sounded unconvinced as she nodded.

She sighed softly and screwed up her courage before blurting out, "I'm still just a little on edge right now. Y'know? From...before." She couldn't bring herself to say it out loud, but from the way Paige's eyes widened and she swallowed hard, Emily knew she'd figured it out.

"Right. Sorry. Do you...should I go?"

Even if Paige left Emily alone right now, Emily knew she would never be able to pick up where she left off. Not while she knew Paige was still in the house. Not when she knew Paige knew what she was doing.

"No. No, stay. Have breakfast with me. Thank you, for breakfast, by the way," she added, realizing she'd been a little rude in not even acknowledging that Paige had brought her breakfast in bed.

"I told you, you don't have to-"

"Thank you. I know. But, it was sweet. And you didn't have to. So I'm going to. And you're just going to have to get used to it."

"Okay. Okay." Paige raised her hands as if in surrender before digging back into her pancakes.

This morning was definitely not going the way Emily had imagined it would. She had thought there would be cuddling and kissing and Emily trying to wheedle Paige into staying with her for a few more minutes before reluctantly releasing her. Then after they got ready Paige would make breakfast and Emily would ogle her and there would be more cuddling and kissing, and Emily trying to get a few more minutes out of Paige. It was supposed to be warm and sweet and fun. Not mortifying and awkward and tension filled.

And yet there was something about the morning that was just them. From a lot of the stories Paige had shared about their past, most of their best moments came from mortifying and awkward and tension filled. Maybe today could be another one of those moments.

They ate in silence. The tension lighter, but not completely gone. Emily couldn't get her mind how the dream and what Paige had walked in on. Or, the look on her face in the second between shock and amusement. It had been a flash, but it had been there. Hunger. Arousal.

Despite Emily's embarrasment about the situation, Paige apparently had no problem with it. She'd even insinuated that it had happened before. Given that they had been together for as long as they had, shouldn't have been all that suprising. Though Emily still felt a little floored by it all.

And, it left Emily wondering about the details of their...phsyical relationship. When it had started. How it had begun. Who had made the first move.

"Tell me about our first time."

Paige glanced up at her, surprise evident in her features. "Really?"

"Yes. Really."

"Okay. Um. It was a couple months after we'd started dating. My parents were away and you came over after school to hang out and study. It wasn't something we'd planned, ahead of time. But we were outside in my pool and-"

"We had sex in your pool?"

"Many times, actually. But, no. Our first time was not in the pool. As I was saying." Paige shot Emily a look, trying to come across as severe, but only managing to look adorable. Even so, Emily mimed zipping her lips

"As I was saying, we were out in the pool, goofing around. Just..playing in the water y'know. And you pinned me up against the wall and you kissed me. And, things got heated, very quickly."

Emily watched in fascination as Paige's gaze went faraway. Her voice and expression softened, taking on a dreamy quality as she recounted the events.

"When you pulled back and told me you were ready...I don't think I'd ever been more excited or nervous than I was in that moment. I tripped, climbing out of the pool, and nearly cracked my head open against the edge." Paige pointed, almost proudly, to a scar just below her hairline, a thin, jagged line that was barely noticable except for the fact that she had just pointed it out.

Emily bit her lip, trying not to laugh. Because, of course Paige would injure herself in excitement at the thought of being with Emily.

"Two hours and six stitches later, we were back at my house."

This time, Emily did laugh. "Seriously? A trip to the hospital?"

Paige nodded. "I told you I was fine. That some polysporin and a butterly bandaid and I'd be fine. But, you insisted I get checked out, in case I was concussed."

"And, were you?"

"Only mildly."

"Oh, my god. And we still...?"

"I was concussed, not unconscious. Of course. I wan't about to give up that opportunity. Who knew what it was going to come around again."

"Of course. Go on."

"I thought I couldn't get more nervous than when I was in the pool. But, I was wrong. I was way more nervous when I finally had you upstairs, in my room. My hands were shaking so badly. And I had no idea what I was doing. I thought for sure I wasn't going to be able to...find anything," she waved her hand in the general direction of Emily's lap.

"That's adorable. And kind of sad," Emily said, trying and failing not to laugh.

"Hey, no mocking. I totally rocked your world that night."

"Did you really?" Emily asked but she was only teasing. She had no doubt. And, Paige's smug smile only confirmed it.

"It was...one of the most amazing nights of my life. It was sweet and wonderful."

"It sounds it," Emily said softly. It really did. "So, I was your first?"

"Yes. And I was yours."

"You were?" Emily wasn't sure if she was surprised by that or not, given the other relationships Paige had mentioned her having in the past.

"Yeah. I didn't know it at the time. But you told me you were never ready, with Maya. And you and Samara never got that serious."

The news definitely pleased her though. It was sweet, being each other's firsts. "What about after. The times we were broken up?" She didn't know why she was pressing it, why she was potentially ruining a perfectly sweet moment.

"We never actually talked about it, directly. But you intimated that you and Maya did...when you got back together. But, I can't say for sure. I didn't want to know, at the time. And after awhile it seemed so inconsequential. What did it matter if you'd slept with someone else while we were apart?"

"And when we were in college?"

"As far as I know, there was never anyone else. Aside from me. And maybe Maya"

Emily nodded, though she wasn't sure she'd fully processed the information That she and Paige had gotten physical was one thing, but to know she had been with someone else, maybe seveeral someone elses. Perfect strangers. It was all to much.

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Were you with...many other women?" she asked, not sure she really wanted to know the answer.

"No. It's always only been you. Shana and I weren't together for that long. Only a few weeks. And in college I dated a bit but nothing serious. My heart wasn't in it. It never went that far."

Emily knew it wasn't really fair, but she was pleased by that. She didn't like the thought of Paige being with other people. Even though she herself had been.

"Does it bother you? That there were other girls?"

Paige shrugged. "It doesn't matter really, does it? I mean, we got together in the end. Right?"

Paige's non-answer told Emily more than the other woman probably intended. But, it was that question at the end that really told Emily everthing she needed to know.

"Right," she said, lacing their fingers together and bringing them to her lips. She pressed a kiss to Paige's knuckles. "We get our happy ever after," Emily said, hoping the words would reassure Paige that her days of exploring her options, of playing the field, were over. She had no interest in other women.

Paige smiled bashfully and dipped her head. Emily ducked her head as well, and captured her lips in a soft, sweet kiss. Paige hummed softly against her lips and returned the pressure, deepening it slowly but keeping it soft and languid.

When they pulled apart, Paige's eyes shone and a pleased grin lit her face. "Good morning," she said softly, leaning in for another quick kiss before pulling back.

"Morning," Emily whispered, leaning her forehead against Paige's and simply breathing her in. This was exactly the sort of moment she had been looking for. They lingered in it, before slowly parting and turning their attention to their breakfast, long since cold and starting to harden on their plates. And yet, they were probably some of the best pancakes Emily had ever eaten. This was, she realized, exactly the kind of morning she had envisioned.


	27. Chapter 27

Pailylover It was a good idea. I thought I could have some fun with it. I'm glad you liked the chapter, even if it wasn't exactly what you asked for. And if you have any more ideas, feel free to share them. I'll do my best to include them.

Guest Glad you're enoying it.

Ale I'm glad you liked it. Yeah, definitely awkward. But, maybe exactly the push Emily needed to start feeling more comfortable. And, Paige handled it like a pro.

Guest That's good. I'm glad I could get you excited about Paily again.

Guest I'm glad you're enjoying that aspect of it. I feel like honesty and openness is key. I can't say more about Emily's memories without giving anything away, but I think you'll like how it plays out.

Guest I'm glad you liked it. Yeah, a situation like that could have caused a regression, but I think at this point Emily is actively trying to move forward, And of course, Paige being Paige helped.

Nyxxyn lol. That's quite the range of reactions.

 **Author's Note:** I'm sorry I missed a week guys. I've been trying hard to stick to a writing schedule but last week just got away from me.

 **Chapter 27**

They lingered in bed together until the last possible moment before Paige had to dash out the door. Not that Emily minded. As much as she enjoyed seeing Paige off each morning, handing her her jacket and her briefcase, watching her pat herself down for her keys and slip into her shoes, she was self-conscious about the damp spot on her shorts and the wetness she could still feel between her legs. She knew Paige wouldn't care, but Emily was perfectly happy to lounge between the sheets. The bed was ridiculously comfortable, even more so when Paige was in it with her.

Their breakfast was long forgotten, their plates cleaned down to the last crumb and cast aside as the two of them sat side by side, propped up against the headboards, not really saying much, just enjoying the quiet and the closeness. Until an alarm sounded from the watch on Paige's wrist.

"Damn," she muttered, glancing at it with a frown.

"Time's up?" Emily's heart dropped in disapointment, even though she knew that Paige had to work it was still tough watching her walk out the door each day. Part of that she knew was just boredom. Even with the courses she was going to start doing today, which would occupy the bulk of her day, she was still going to be cooped up inside, sitting mostly stationary. But more than that, she felt like she was finally connecting with Paige, finally getting their relationship back on track, and Paige had to spend the better part of each day away from her. She knew it was clingy, which was definitely not an attractive quality in a partner, but she couldn't help wanting Paige to be at her side.

"Unfortunately." With a heavy sigh, Paige pushed herself upright and swung her legs over the side of the bed.

On impulse Emily reached out and snagged her arm before she could stand. "Play hooky with me today."

"Don't tempt me." Paige pouted over her shoulder at her before turning back around.

"Why not?"

Instead of answering, Paige pushed herself to her feet and stretched. Emily's eyes were glued to the expanse of skin at the small of her back as her shirt rode up. The arousal, which had never really gone away, stirred low in her belly. Her gaze was still fixated on that spot as Paige turned around, tugging her clothes back into place. She caught a glimpse of firm, toned stomach and a flash of metal from her naval piercing before she pulled her gaze away, feeling guilty for staring. For objectifying.

"My eyes are up here, Em." At Paige's words she hesitantly raised her gaze to find Paige grinning down at her. She realized the words had been teasing, and remembered that it was okay to look. Paige didn't mind. She probably even liked it.

"Sorry." She grinned back and Paige rolled her eyes, muttering something that sounded like a dismissal.

"I gotta go," Paige said, her gaze turning apologetic. "I'm going to be late if I don't leave like, right now."

"I know," Emily reluctantly admitted.

"I'll see you tonight," Paige promised, leaning down. The bed dipped under the weight of her hands on the edge of the mattress. "I'll try to call at lunch, but I'll be in and out of court all day..." she let the sentence hang as she brushed a soft, lingering kiss to Emily's lips.

Emily murmured softly into the kiss, her lips turning down into a pout when Paige pulled back.

"Have a good day."

"You too."

Paige pressed a kiss to Emily's forehead and then slowly backed away. She held Emily's gaze until she bumped her shoulder, hard, against the door frame. Emily tried, unsuccessfully, not to laugh as Paige winced and muttered a curse.

"Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up," Paige muttered, rubbing her shoulder as she spun around. Emily lay back against the pillows, mentally tracking Paige's progress as she made her way down the stairs, the treads creaking softly under her weight, and gathered her things by the door. The faint rustle of clothing and jingling of keys letting Emily know when she was pulling on her jacket and when she was bending down to slip on her shoes. The front door opened and closed with a soft thud, and silence descended over the house.

Emily glanced at the clock on the nightstand and let out a sigh. It was still so early, but she was wide awake now, with no chance of getting back to sleep. She couldn't bring herself to regret that fact though, not with the bit of the morning she had just gotten to spend with Paige.

If only the time wasn't so short in comparison to the hours that stretched out before her. Emily shook her head, banishing that line of thought. She had promised herself she wasn't going to spend her days just waiting for Paige to come home. It wasn't good for her, it wasn't healthy. And it certainly wouldn't be good for their relationship.

That was why she had enrolled in classes. It was part of her effort to reclaim her life. To get back to being Emily outside of Paige and Emily. She wanted, no, she needed, to be a whole person once again. Even if she wasn't the same person she once was. She needed passions and interests of her own, outside of her relationship with Paige.

 _Today is the first day of the rest of your life._ Emily wasn't sure where the thought came from, a quote from a book or movie from years ago most likely, but it seemed fitting.

Today was about moving on from the accident. About putting the tragedies of it behind her and forging a new path forward. About finding herself and building her new life from the foundations of her old one. As painful as it was to consider, she knew she might never recover her memories. The doctors had told her it would take some time for them to return, but also, the longer it took, the less likely they were to come back. It had been almost a month, all told, since she had woken up in that hospital bed and she hadn't even a glimmer.

It was time to stop dwelling on what she had lost and focus on what she still had. She still had her life. And her health. (Well, relatively. But, her injuries would heal.) She had family. She had friends. She had more than just a roof over her head, she had a home. And she had a beautiful, loving girlfriend.

They hadn't had that talk yet, but Emily felt safe in assuming that's what they were. They were girlfriends. The thought didn't trouble her the way it once had. The idea of being someone's girlfriend...no, being another woman's girlfriend didn't fill her with anxiety and panic any longer.

Instead, the word conjured up an image of Paige's face and a smile tugged at the corners of her lips. Paige had been a godsend to her over these past few weeks. Something she had never imagined she would think as she'd lain in that hosptial bed, trying to get her bearings. Paige's presence, everything she represented had set every nerve ending in Emily's body on edge. And now, she honestly didn't think she would have made it through this without her.

Emily was pretty sure that Paige was the best thing that had ever happened to her, in this life and the one pre-accident.

Now, Emily just had to make sure that she was the best thing that ever happend to Paige. She refused to be a drain on their relationship. Paige didn't seem to mind taking care of her right now. But, how long before that blind devotion ran out? How long before she started to resent Emily for all the changes and all the pressure now on her to be the provider, the caregiver, the center of Emily's world, if Emily didn't start to do something to nuture the relationship herself? She didn't have an answer, but she was also determined not to find out.

It was that determination that gave her the motivation to get out of bed when all she wanted to do was curl back up under the covers and laze around all day. She made the bed as best she could and headed downstairs to shower and change and get started on her day.

"Honey, I'm home," Paige called out, chuckling lightly as she entered the house. Then let out a yelp as she realized that Emily was standing just inside the front door. "Holy shit. Em. You scared me." She pressed a hand to her chest.

"Sorry." Emily offered up a sheepish smile before handing Paige the beer she had retrieved from the fridge when she'd heard Paige's car pull into the driveway. Paige accepted the beer and the apology with a grin.

"How was your day, sweetie?" Emily tried out the term of endearment as Paige set her briefcase down and kicked off her shoes. It felt awkward on her lips. And from the quirk of Paige's eyebrows, Emily could tell she agreed.

Paige took a step forward, closing the brief distance between them, and dipped her head to brush a kiss against Emily's. "Much better now," she said, smiling softly as she pulled back. Emily's lip turned up in an answering grin as she slid her hand down Paige's arm until she could link their fingers together.

"It was a good day, actually." Paige allowed herself to be gently tugged out of the entryway and further into the living room. "One of my kids had his adoption finalized today."

"Baby, that's amazing," Emily gave Paige's hand a squeeze. Paige squeezed back, the grin on her face telling Emily just how amazing she thought it was.

"Baby?"

"I know, it sounded weird to me too," Emily said, rolling her eyes at herself.

"What's with the pet names all of a sudden?"

Emily shrugged. "It just occured to me today that I don't know what we call each other, y'know?"

Paige looked confused for a second, then nodded. "Should I tell you, or do you want me to just let you keep throwing stuff out there?"

"Tell me, please."

"Okay well, you call me Pookie. And I call you Sugar."

"You are such a liar." Emily gave Paige's shoulder a shrug and Paige's efforts to keep a straight face dissolved into a fit of laughter.

"Sorry. Sorry." But, Paige didn't look or sound sorry, her eyes shone with amusement and her apology was breathless.

"You are literally the worst."

"Aww, come on now Snookems. Don't be like that." Paige tugged gently on Emily's hand, spinning her around. "Give me a kiss, Pumpkin."

Emily shook her head, biting back a grin.

"Please? Paige pouted as she stepped closer. She leaned in for a kiss, but Emily turned away. "Snuggle-bunny?"

Emily lost her fight for control and burst out laughing. "You are such a dork," she muttured, smiling into the kiss as she finally let Paige capture her lips.

"Seriously though," she said when they pulled apart. She didn't know why she was harping on this detail, just that it suddenly seemed important.

"Okay. Seriously. You call me Paige. Sometimes McCullers. I call you Em." Paige shrugged."There's nothing wrong with nicknames. And if you want to try introducing sweetie or baby, I'm sure I could get used to-"

"No. I don't want to." None of the words had felt right, coming from her lips. And they certainly did not sound right coming from Paige's.

"Are you sure?" Paige peered into her eyes, trying to ascertain whether or not she was telling the truth.

"Totally sure."

"Okay. Good. Because, I really didn't want to be one of those cutesy-couples who call each other over the top nick-names."

"No, you just want to be one of those annoying PDA couples."

"What? Who told you that?"

"Hannah. At the barbeque."

"Lies. All lies."

"Yeah? Why don't I believe that?"

"So, how was your day?" Paige asked, instead of answering the question, which Emily only took as confirmation that she was right.

"It was good. My courses seem like they're going to be interesting."

Emily had spent the better part of her day studying and taking practice tests, with the occassional break for a snack or to stretch out her shoulders and back. Of course, her attention had started to wane not long after lunch and by mid-afternoon her eyes were blurry from staring at the computer screen for so many hours and her wrists and fingers ached from being poised over the keyboard. But, she felt like she had covered a fair bit of material in a short time, and despite needing a break now, knew she would be eager to get back into it tomorrow.

"That's good," Paige said as she moved to sit down, only to have Emily pull her to her feet. She raised an eyebrow in question, but Emily just shook her head and continued to guide her into the kitchen, eager to show off the other achievement she had devoted her time to today.

Emily had not been content to sit idle and relax, once her work for the day was done. After sitting in one place for so long, she'd needed to do something active. Even if her version of activity was a lot different than it used to be.

"Hey, what's all this?" Paige let out a low whistle as she took in the kitchen table, neatly set for dinner with their best dishes and a home cooked meal spread out across it's surface. Music played softly from the old radio above the fridge and vanilla scented candles flickered, casting dancing shadows across the room. A bottle of wine sat, waiting to be open on the counter. "A drink at the door. Dinner on the table. Tell me, when did I walk into Pleasantville?"

"What?"

"Pleasantville? A movie? A couple of kids go back to the 1950's-you know what, never mind. I know what we're watching tonight. Dinner smells amazing." Paige took a deep breath, sniffing loudly. "What did you make? Is that...pot roast? Mmm. And... Wait, how did you manage all this?" She turned to Emily, brows furrowing in concern.

"Full disclosure? I didn't really cook. I just warmed up one of the meals my mom prepared and left in the freezer." As much as she wished she could take credit for the spread, she knew she couldn't. Especially not when Paige was looking at her with worry written all over her face. She was an expert by now at getting around on her crutches, and was even starting to rely on them less but getting a roast into and out of the oven would have been pretty tricky. Not to mention she wasn't really supposed to be lifting or bending.

Paige nodded. "Well, if I can't have your home cooking, your mom's is the next best thing."

"You sure it's not the other way around?" Emily knew her way around the kitchen for sure, but her mother's skills far surpassed her own.

"Of course not." But, Paige's barely supressed grin belied her words.

Emily rolled her eyes, but allowed Paige to have her little lie.

"What's the occasion?" Paige asked as she gestured Emily into her seat.

Emily shrugged. She'd had some pent up energy, from being cooped up all day. Even if her mind was engaged, her body had not been. At the time, "cooking" and setting up the kitchen had seemed like a good outlet. But now she worried she'd overdone it. "Too much?" she asked as she sat down.

"Nope. It's perfect." Paige gave her a quick kiss before circling around the table to her own seat and sliding into place.

Emily nodded, feeling doubtful and suddenly questioning her decision as they began serving themselves.

"Seriously, Em. Everything looks delicious. And, I'm starving. I barely had time to shove down a bagel between court rooms. And..." Paige hesitated as she picked up her fork and poked at her food with it. Emily went still, waiting. "And, it's been awhile since we've had a date night," she added softly, raising her gaze questioningly, as if confirming that this was in fact a date night.

Emily hadn't exactly been thinking in such terms. She had just wanted to do something nice, something special for Paige. But, the description fit. And, even though it hadn't been Emily's intention, that's exactly what she wanted tonight to be.

She nodded and offered up an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry it couldn't be a real date." She really did wish she could take Paige out somewhere special. But, with this stupid cast on her leg she couldn't drive. And, even without the cast she didn't have a car of her own, or any memory of getting her license.

"Hey." Paige reached across the with her free hand and laid it over Emily's. "Tonight is a 'real date.' I can tell you put a lot of time and effort into this-"

"Yeah, it took so much work to take the lids of tupperware containers and pop them in the microwave-"

"Don't do that. Don't diminish what you've done. Whether you cooked a meal from scratch or heated up leftover, it doesn't matter."

"I appreciate that but-"

"I mean it, Em. I don't care what we're doing, as long as I get to spend some time with you, like this." She squeezed Emily's hand lightly. "Whether that's a fancy dinner out somewhere or a candle lit meal here at home."

Emily nodded, giving Paige's hand a squeeze back in thanks for being so understanding. For just being the wonderful person that she was, really.

"Besides, there are some definite advantages to having a stay-in date night."

"Oh yeah?" Emily tried to appear nonchalant, but the chesire grin creeping up onto Paige's face had her heart skipping a beat. "Like what?"

"Like,we can't really do this, in a restaurant." Using the table for leverage, leaned forward over their plates, her hair hanging dangerously close to the food. Emily tucked a few stray strands out of the way, and then slipped her hand into Paige's hair to tug her closer as their lip met in a deep, languid kiss. She felt a definite prodding from Paige's tongue, and murmured a soft acknowledgement that Paige was right before parting her lips to grant her entrance.

They parted with a sigh and Paige fell back into her chair looking both dazed and smug. Emily shook her head, laughing lightly at the combination, even though she knew her eyes probably had that same glazed, dreamy look to them.

"You have a point there," she agreed. "Can't really do that in a restaurant. Or this," she added, extending her leg and sliding her bare foot slowly up Paige's calf.

"Well, technically we could-"

"Hush up, and eat your dinner," Emily cut her off and gestured with her own fork to Paige's plate, which so far remained untouched.

Paige chuckled and took a couple bites. "Mm. Delicious. And, I know the spices on the roast are not you're mothers."

Emily nodded, suprised that Paige had been able to pick up on that. "Yeah. The marinade is mine." She had her own special mix that she used to baste a roast with. She'd had to improvise a little, since she had simply microwaved the meal, so she was glad that it seemed to have turned out.

"I like yours better."

"Of course you do," Emily said with an eye roll. Paige sounded like her father, after a meal with the Jenkins side of her family, assuring his wife that he liked her cooking better than her mothers. Even when it was an obvious lie.

"Honest. I like your spices better. I mean, you're mom's are good, but they're just a little too tangy."

"Uh-huh. You're just saying that so I'll keep playing footsies with you."

Paige gave her a wide, leering grin in response, but her expression quickly sobered. "Of course I want you to keep it up. But, I'm saying it because I mean it."

Emily studied her face and saw not even a hint of insincerity.

"But, seriously, you're not going to stop are you?"

Emily chuckled and shook her head. "No. I won't stop."

She continued to run her foot up and down Paige's leg as they ate. Paige cleaned her plate twice over, and was still picking at the roast on it's serving platter and snagging pieces of vegetables as Emily got up to get dessert. Which was. a coconut cream pie that Emily had made herself. And it was a hit,if the way Paige's eyes lit up on the first bite and how eagerly she devoured the hge slice was any indication. Emily deemed dinner itself a success when Paige pushed her plate away from herself with a groan and leaned back in her chair, cradling her stomach.

"Ugh. I'm going to need to run an extra ten miles tomorrow to work off everything I ate tonight."

Emily patted her shoulder in sympathy as she stood and began clearing the table. Paige moved to stand as well, but Emily pushed her back down into her seat. This was her dinner, she could take care of the mess. For once she wanted to be the one pampering Paige. For another, with the amount Paige had eaten, Emily was worried that if she moved the wrong way, she'd throw up. The fact that Paige didn't protest or insist on helping only proved Emily's assesment.

"I can think of a few ways you can work off some of that meal tonight." Emily found herself echoing the words she had spoken in her dream. A blush heated her cheeks as images of what had followed those words flashed through her mind, followed closely by arousal skittering down her spine. Her heart sped up a little in nervous anticipation as she waited for a response.

"Oh, yeah?" Paige sounded interested, intruiged even, as she lolled her head in Emily's direction, tracking her progress as she made her way back and forth from the table to the counter to where she wrapped the meager leftovers and stacked the dirty dishes in the dishwasher.

"Yeah." Emily's cheeks were burning so hotly she knew they must be a flaming red but she turned and shot Paige what she hoped was a seductive smile. "We could go upstairs and not watch that movie you were suggesting earlier." She pitched her tone low, trying to make the idea sound alluring as she leaned against the counter, thrusting her chest out slightly. Then crossed her arms and ducked her head, feeling ridiculous attempting to be sexy and sultry.

"Hey now, Pleasantville is not a make-out movie." The fact that Paige seemed to have missed her efforts only made Emily feel more embarrassed. It was stupid of her to even try. "It's a cinematic gem. Now, one of your lame zombie movies on the other hand..."

"My lame zombie movies?" Emily countered. "Mine? Its not me who brought home the flyer for the Halloween movie marathon."

"Only because I know how much you love them. I was just doing my duty as a good giflriend-hey, wait. How did you know that?"

"Know what?"

"Know that I picked up a flyer for the Halloween Haunt movie marathon? That was last year. Did you just...was that a memory?"

Emily's breath caught in her throat and she paused, casting about in her mind. She wasn't sure where it had come from, but she had an image of a flyer and Paige's earnest expression and the grin on her face when Emily had agreed to go. Not that it had taken much convincing. It was just a quick flash, but it was there.

"I think...maybe?"

Paige was up on her feet in an instant. She let out a groan and leaned heavily on the table, cradling her stomach. Emily took a step towards her, concerned by the ashen color of her face and the sweat dotting along her brow, but Paige waved her off and after a moment rallied. She closed the distance between them quickly and pulled Emily into an exuberant hug.

Emily returned it with just as much force, but her grip slowly slackened as she realized that aside from that single flash, there was nothing else. Her memory bank was still a blank slate.

And not only that but the memory that had returned was just so...inconsequential. Why couldn't she have remembered something significant, something important? Like, their first meeting or their first kiss, or graduating from high school. Something that actually mattered to her life, to their life. It was dissapointing that her first flash was something to mundane. Especially since it seemed to be the only one that had returned. What if was the only one that she ever got back?

"Oh, Em." Paige pulled away slowly. "You know the doctors said that it might take some time. They're not likely to just come rushing back." She cupped Emily's face in her hands, thumbs stroking gently.

"I know." Emily forced the words out around the lump in her throat. "It's just..."

"I know," Paige echoed, tipped her head and pressing a soft kiss to Emily's forehead. "Still, this is huge."

"Is it though? I mean, a decade's worth of memories and that's what came back to me? Maybe it's just a fluke. Who's to say it's not just a one off, rather than the start of the rest of my memories returning?"

"Oh, Em, you can't think like that."

"Why not? It could be true. The doctors said it would take time. They also said there was a very real possibility I might never get my memories back. What if I don't?"

"Then you don't," Paige said calmly. "They're just memories, Em. Having them, not having them. It's not the end of the world."

"You don't think so?" Emily countered. "If that were true, it wouldn't have been so hard these past few weeks, watching everyone's face fall..watching your face fall... when I didn't remember them, didn't remember something important. I didn't know who you were. I don't remember falling in love with you. Doesn't that feel a lttle bit like the end of the world for you?"

She knew that her words had gotten to Paige by the pain that flashed across her gaze and she felt a pang of guilt. She didn't know why she was lashing out at Paige, who had been nothing but supportive. She wasn't sure what her purpose was here. Was she trying to drive Paige away? Was she trying to get her to prove her loyalty? Whatever her reasons, she knew they were wrong, but she couldn't seem to tamp down on the anger swirling inside her.

"It did," Paige admitted with a sigh. "It does. It sucks. Like, really, really sucks, knowing that all these special moments that I hold in my heart you don't remember."

Emily's throat felt thick with emotion as she watched Paige fight back tears.

"But what do you want me to do? Do you want me to walk away and give up on everything we built, everything that I hold dear, because you don't remember it?"

"Paige..."

"I can't do it, Em. I won't. And, I don't think you really want me to. Otherwise, you wouldn't have come home with me. You wouldn't be here, in this house with me, fighting just as hard for us as I am."

Paige's comments caught her up short. She hadn't thought of it that way before, that she'd been fighting for the two of them since the beginning.

"You could have gone to Texas with your parents. You could have moved back in here and told me to take a hike. But, you didn't. Instead, we came home together. Because I think you felt it, here." Paige pressed a hand to Emily's chest, above her heart. "Even before you felt it here." She raised her hand to Emily's head, cupping just behind her ear. "So, yeah, you not having your memories sucks. It sucks big donkey balls. And, it might feel like the end of the world sometimes, but it's not. We've still got the whole world right here."

Emily stared at Paige, stunned speechless. Her words, and the passion which she had spoke them moving her to tears.

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" she whispered before leaning in and pressing a feather light kiss against Paige's lips. "I love you," she added softly, before leaning in again.


	28. Chapter 28

Guest Thank you. I'm glad you're enjoying it, and that you like the slow burn. It's fun to write the relationship like that. I never really thought about it, but yeah, on the show they never use pet names. lol. Yeah, I'm thinking when she's annoying with her, and maybe when she's teasing her, she calls her McCullers.

Guest Yeah, a big step for Emily, even if it was a small memory.

Guest I've been writing the story for over a year, but the timeline within the story takes place over the span of about a month. And, there is a time jump from when Emily wakes up to when she comes home, so the events happening in the story occur over a two week period. (from when Emily comes home from the hospital to the most recent chapter.) I do have some story planned for after Emily gets her memories back, but that will be the starting of the end.

Nyxxyn Well, it started out as a fluff chapter. That was really all it was supposed to be and then, well you read how it ended up. I think she's getting closer to realizing that, though having no frame of reference for it, it's going to take a little while longer for her to grasp.

Guest I've got a few ideas in mind for what'll trigger their return. I hope that you enjoy them.

Guest lol. Thank you. I think.

Ale Yeah, things kind of got away from me last week. I think I'm back on track now though. Maybe I did read your mind, because that totally wasn't the chapter I set out to write and I have no idea where any of it came from.

Guest Even if Emily's memories don't return-and I'm not saying they won't-we have Paige to reccount events for a look at their life before.

Guest Well, I'm glad that this fic could be the one that got you to break your only completed story rule. And I'm honored that you'd stay up so late reading it. :) I try and update once a week (Usually Tuesday or Wednesday) but sometimes things come up.

Guest For a moment there I thought they were going to have a fight too, but then it went in another direction.

Guest: I'm glad you liked that part. It was probably my favorite to write in the whole chapter.

Pailylover Well, I look forward to any and all suggestions that you can come up with, and I'll do my best to work them in. It might take a chapter or two from when you suggest it to when I can do it though. Most of the time as I'm finishing one chapter I'm planning the next one, so I have to wait and see if I can work it into the one after that. But, I love the idea of things getting heated in the shower, so stay tuned.

Sulven- I've been toying with the idea of bringing Paige's parents in, so we may see them yet. I hadn't really planned on bringing Ali back, but I can see how the scenario you suggested might be an interesting perspective for Emily, so maybe.

Guest No, there's quite a few more chapters to come.

 **Author's Note:** The site has been doing something weird with reviews and PM's on me, the past couple days. I can see that I have reviews and PM's, but I can't access them. If you sent me one of either and I didn't reply, I'm sorry. I'll keep checking and get back to you as soon a I can.

Thank you, everyone, for your continued support and encouragement with this story. It means the world to me.

 **Chapter 28**

Paige pulled back from the kiss to gaze at her, the expression on her face one of dazed disbelief. She looked very much like a kid who'd just been told that Santa was real and it would be Christmas every day. Or, someone who'd just had the love of their life say they loved them back.

"Say again." She sounded both delighted and stunned.

"I love you," Emily whispered the words one again, the hush in her tone not uncertainty or hesitance but reverence. As if saying them loud enough for them to carry to the room at large would somehow diminish their meaning.

She watched Paige's face light up. A grin crept across her lips and her eyes shone with joy, with excitement.

"Emily." Paige's lower lip began to quiver and the shine in her eyes became more of a wet sheen.

"Aww. Paige. Don't cry." Emily brought her hands up so she could cup Paige's face and wipe at the tears with her thumbs. She felt the sting against her own lashes and blinked rapidly, trying to dispell the moisture.

"Look who's talking." Paige's voice was thick with emotion, even as she huffed a laugh. Emily sniffled and gave Paige a watery smile. She'd had no idea that a simple emotion could feel so profound.

She had said the words before, countless times. To friends, to her family. And, she meant them then just as much as she meant them now but it felt very different.

Paige kissed her, a brief, rough, peck before pulling her in for a tight hug. Emily wrapped hear arms around Paige's waist, holding her just as tightly as Paige buried her face in the side of Emily's neck. Though she didn't make a sound, her shoulder's shook and Emily could feel her tears, hot and fast, against her skin. Emily kissed the side of her head and held her, until she composed herself and pulled away. She swiped roughly at her eyes with the backs of her hands as she pulled back, though the action did little to hide the evidence that she had been crying. Her eyes were now red-rimmed and watery and tear tracks streaked down her cheeks.

"I love you too, Em," she said softly. "You don't know how long I've been waiting to hear you say that. To be able to say it back."

"I think I have some idea," Emily said. She had seen the way Paige had struggled, holding herself back and tamping down on her dissapointment when Emily couldn't say it. "These past few weeks have been tough. But, you never gave up on us. And, I'm sorry that I did."

"It's not you're fault."

"It might not be my fault, but it's still my doing. If it weren't for me..."

"If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be here. I'm not exaggerating when I say that you saved my life. I had some pretty dark times in high school. But your courage coming out and your support after I came out, when things were still rough with my parents, it was everything to me. It's what kept me going."

Emily was too stunned to respond. Paige had talked about stuggling with her sexuality and alluded to how difficult things had been at home when she came out, but Emily never guessed it was that bad.

"When I got the call that you had been in the accident, my heart stopped. My world stopped. If you hadn't been okay..."

"But, I am okay. I might be a little banged up but I'm alive and well."

"And I thank God for that every day," Paige said. "So yeah, the past few weeks have been tough. But, it's nothing compared to how things would be if you had...If you'd..."

"You can't think like that. The what if's, they'll drive you crazy."

"I know." Paige nodded, though Emily doubted that she was able to drive the thoughts away completely.

"Just focus on the fact that I'm here. And I love you."

The haunted look in Paige's eyes faded, replaced by sheer joy. A grin spread across her face and she hugged Emily hard once again. "I don't think I will ever get tired of hearing you say that."

"Well, that's good, because I don't think I'll ever get tired of saying it," Emily countered. "I love you. I love you. I love you." She peppered Paige's face with kisses as she repeated the words over and over, until Paige was laughing and squirming in her embrace, attempting to push her away.

"Okay. Okay. I take it back."

"You can't take it back."

"Yes I can. I can and I do."

"Nope. Doesn't work like that."

"Ugh. Get off me. "

"Never."

Paige finally succeeded in slipping free of Emily's grasp and scooted back a step. The two of them stood a foot or so apart, red faced and breathless, grinning like idiots.

Emily's original plan for the evening had been dinner and then cuddling up together with a movie but now she was wired. Adrenaline and emotion surging through her and she knew she wouldn't be able to sit, to settle. "Want to get out of here for a bit?" she asked, revising her plan for the evening. "Go for a drive?"

She would have loved to ask Paige to take a walk with her, to hold hands with her a they strolled around the neighbourhood, star-gazing and kising under streetlights, but at the moment that wasn't really an option. But taking a ride with her, holding hands across the console as music played softly in the background and the sleepy town rolled past them, well it was an attractive second choice.

Paige was nodding before Emily had even finished talking. "Maybe we could stop for ice cream?"

Emily let out a laugh. "Seriously? Didn't you just finish telling me how full you were, and how much extra excercise you were going to have to do tomorrow to work it off?"

"Well, yeah but that's food. This is ice cream."

"What are you, three?" Emily remembered insisting that she had a whole separate dessert stomach when she was that age in an attempt to get extra helpings of cake or ice cream or cookies from her parents. It hadn't worked then and it was even less likely to work now.

"Okay, you don't remember this, but there's an amazing little ice cream parlour just off route 9. I guarantee you, no matter how full you feel now, you'll want something from there once you've tried their ice cream."

"I'll take that bet."

"Oh yeah? Care to add a little wager?" Paige's grin turned mischevious, and Emily knew she should probably be concerned but she felt a grin tug at her own lips.

"What did you have in mind?"

"Well, loser pays for the ice cream, obviously."

"Obviously. What else?"

She could see the wheels turning behind Paige's eyes as she tried to come up with something good. And from the lengthening silence it was clear she was having trouble.

"Not so confident in our wager?"

"You know what, terms to be determined later. Let's go."

Emily chuckled, and Paige ignored her as they made their way out to the car.

The night was quiet as they cruised along the back streets of Rosewood. They didn't pass a single car as they made their way out of town. Yet Paige didn't take the opportunity to speed, she drove carefully within the limit, deftly maneuvering the winding roads. Their headlights cut a swath through the darkness around them, illuminating not much more than a few feet of road ahead and the edges of the forests and fields around them. It should have been disconcerting, not knowing what resided in the stretches of blackness all around them. But it only served to make Emily feel like the two of them were ensconced in their own little bubble. She felt safe in this car, with Paige. And it wasn't just the lack of traffic that did it. There was just something about Paige's presence.

The radio played light eighties rock in the background and Paige's head bobbed subtly to the beat. She had one hand on the steering wheel and the other held Emily's carefully, fingers twitching in time with the music. They didn't talk much, but Emily didn't really need conversation. She felt no need to fill the silences with chatter. Though that wasn't to say she didn't have a million and one things she would love to discuss with Paige. She felt like they could spend an eternity together and never run out of things to talk about, but she was also coming to appreciate just being with her.

It wasn't long before Paige pulled off the dark country road and wound her way through a sleepy subdivision, cutting through it and coming out on a slightly more active street. Emily recognized it, vaguely, as being downtown Brookhaven, the next town over from Rosewood. Some of the shops were familiar, though many of them had undergone transformations. A few had new facades, a couple of them had been repainted and one had simply had their sign redone. There were a lot of unfamiliar sights of course, something that she was getting used to lately. And she took her time cataloguing all of the new stores that had popped up as Paige stopped for a red light at the intersection.

As they waited to turn, an SUV packed with teenagers and a bass so loud it vibrated through Emily's body roared up alongside them with a screech of tires and a chorus of cheers. She flinched at the noise and motion, her anxiety skyrocketing.

She felt Paige's fingers tigthen around her own and blinked, clearing her vision as she glanced over.

"Are you okay?" She didn't hear the words as much caught them as she followed the movement of Paige's mouth. She nodded, even though she didn't know if it was true or not.

Her gaze flicked around the intersection in front of her, taking in the beside them, with it's nose well over the line into the crosswalk, and the grumbling pedestrians who it had nearly flattened. The stream of cars going in the other direction became a blur of color and motion as her vision swam

Suddenly she wasn't stopped at the intersection with a bunch of rowdy, reckless teens beside her, she was rolling through one. Headlights blinded her and loud honking nearly defeaned her. She had just enough time to realize what was happening but not enough time to react. She heard the impact before she felt it, the crunch of metal and breaking of glass a split second before a resounding boom that resonated through her entire body. The world around her exploded, the air bag deploying, her windshield imploding, the frame of the car rushing up to meet her as it was compressed from the other side.

A loud honk and Paige's muttered curse pulled Emily from her nightmare vision. Only, it wasn't a nightmare. It was a memory. She had remembered the accident. Unlike the memory that had surfaced earlier that evening it wasn't frivolous or unimportant but she had to admit, she could have gone the rest of her life without remembering the events that had led to her injuries. But, now those terrifying moments would forever be imprinted in her mind. And without the benefit of the good memories from her past to temper it. At the moment, all she had of her life before was panic and pain.

Paige cursed again and surged into motion, leaving the honking behind them as she accelerate through the green light, though they didn't stay in motion long. Emily pried her eyes open when she felt the car stop, and realized that Paige had parked as soon as she'd found an open spot.

"Emily, are you okay? Em?" Paige's eyes were wide and her brow was furrowed in concern as she hastily undid her seatbelt and slid as close a their seats would allow. Her hands were all over Emily, rubbing her shoulders, cupping her face, stroking her hair back. She pressed her lips against Emily's forehead and cheek, repeatedly whispering that they were all right. That Emily was all right.

Slowly Paige's touches and reasuring words lulled Emily's heart rate back down to normal and her breathing grew less laboured. Exhaustion seeped in and she sagged against her seat, leaning heavily into Paige as she did so. Paige's arms tightened around her, and Emily burrowed into her. Her limbs felt heavy and leaden. She didn't even have the energy to bring them up and wrap them around Paige, despite desperately needing something to cling to.

"Talk to me, Em." Paige's voice was just shy of pleading.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"I know." Paige pressed a kiss to her temple, and another to her jaw. "But, I think you should."

Emily knew that, even if she was reluctant to agree. "The accident. I remembered the accident."

"Oh, Em." Paige's voice was a bare whisper as she held Emily tigther.

Slowly, Emily was able to bring her arms up and wrap them around Paige's back, returning the embrace. After a long moment, she pulled away. "If this is how it's going to feel, to get my memories back, I don't want them."

The first had been frustrating. The second terrifying. Maybe she was better off not knowing. Things had been tough but they were slowly settling in. They had the beginning of a routine, they were putting their life back together. Maybe that was enough.

"Not all your memories are going to feel like that," Paige reminded her gently. "Some of them aren't going to feel so good. They're going to be sad, or painful, but some of them, most of them are going to be great."

"Do you promise?"

"I promise. Scout's honor," she added, holding her fingures up in a salute.

"Okay." Emily wiped at the tears that burned at her eyes, trying to focus on Paige's words. On Paige's promise. She knew that what she was saying was true. That most of her life, their life, had been a happy one. And it should be worth it to get a few bad memories with the good ones, but she wasn't sure if she was strong enough to take anymore if they were anything like this. "I'm sorry, for ruining our night," she said as she rightened herself in her seat.

"Who says the night is ruined?"

"Well, this isn't exactly what you expected when I suggested we go for a drive, was it?"

"No. But, unexpected can be good. You told me you loved me tonight. I wasn't expecting it, but it felt pretty good."

Emily felt a smile tugging at her lips. "Yeah. Yeah, it did."

"So, we're in agreement, nothing has been ruined? The night is still young, we have plenty of time to go home and watch a movie or-"

"Don't you still want to get ice cream?" She knew why Paige was suggesting they head home and thought it was sweet of the other woman to be so thoughtful but she really didn't want to derail the rest of the evening. Besides that, she was feeling a little shaky and wan't sure she was ready to return to the road just yet. Some time out of the car and a bit of fresh air might help her settle down.

"Well, yeah. But, I didn't think you'd be up for it after..."

"You trying to welch on our bet, McCullers?"

"Never." She caught a flash of Paige's competitive spirit, which was just what she was banking on. "We're almost there. Maybe half a block. Do you want to walk it?"

"It's a nice night. Might as well."

Paige slipped from the car then circled around it to help Emily out as well and they set of at a leisurely pace down the block. The sidewalks were far from bustling, but they had to maneuver their way around a number of jogger, dog-walkers and fellow strollers. Emily was glad when Paige indicated that their destination was just up ahead, and even more relieved when she pulled the door open and ushered her inside.

They paused for a moment at the threshold blinking as their eyes adjusted to the bright fluorescent lighting. Once her vision returned, Emily glanced around, taking in the details of the ice cream parlour, which was done up in a retro malf-shop style that went perfectly with the 1950's reference to their evening Paige had made earlier.

A long red and black checkered counter with red vinyl covered stools spaced out along it took up most of the near wall wall, behind it was an array of shiny machines and glass ware polished to a shine. Movie and car posters in black and white dotted the walls, and there was even a jukebox in the corner. All of the seats along the counter and most of the booths were full. The order counter, long, low freezer with a glass display over it and a cash register tucked into the righthand corner, was on the far wasll and there was a line about 6 deep waiting. Paige and Emily shuffled into place behind a couple of teenagers with their heads bent together, looking at something on one of their phones.

"You sure you're up for this?" Paige asked as they inched forward in line.

"Yeah." She waved away Paige's concern. Her hands had stopped shaking and she was able to think about something other than the headlights that filled her vision and the horrible crunch of metal and glass and she wanted to keep it that way for awhile. She had a feeling it was going to be tough, getting back in the car for the trip home, but she didn't want to dwell on that right now. "Are you sure that this ice cream is going to live up to its hype?"

"Without a doubt."

They moved forward in line again, and Emily was close enough now to read the menu board hanging on the wall behind the two servers, high-school aged kids, one boy one girl, both dressed in white dress shirts and ties, both with those silly little paper hats on their heads.

As she surveyed the offerings, everything from single cones to delux banana splits her stomach began to rumble with the faintest of hunger pains. She tried to ignore the feeling, refusing to admit that Paige might actually be right about the whole still having room for ice cream thing.

Beside her, Paige chuckled softly. Emily elbowed her, or at least let out a quiet 'oomf" and then caught her wayward elbow with her hands.

"Shut up. You ate way more at dinner than I did."

"I said nothing." Paige raised her hands in surrender as they finally reached the head of the line and stepped forward towards the young guy, who was waiting to take their order, a bored expression on his face. He went through the whole welcome spiel in a monotone before asking what they wanted.

"Hi. Can I get a medium cup of the cafe mocha and a sample of..." Paige trailed off and glanced over to Emily. "What do you want to try, babe?"

Emily glared at Paige, who smirked back at her. "I don't know, sweetie. What do you recommend?"

Paige rolled her eyes but didn't miss a beat answering. "How about the black liqurice?"

"Right, like I believe I'll like that. I'm brain damaged, not an idiot." She took a moment to survey the selections. "Can I have a peanut butter chocoalte cone?" she asked, turning her attention back to the kid, who was looking at them with more interest now than he had been a moment ago.

Emily flushed a little as she wondered if it was the exchange of nicknames or the brain damaged comment that had done it. By the way he blushed and stammered out the affirmative, she guessed it was the nicknames.

Emily wasn't entirely sure how she felt about that. She and Paige had never really discussed it, what it was like to be out in public. Paige had mentioned both of their struggles with it in high school but they hadn't talked about how things were now. She had no idea how they acted, as a couple, when they were in public. Or what she even felt comfortable with now.

It was one thing to hold Paige's hand and cuddle up with her and kiss her in the privacy of her own home, but could she do those things in public, like the pair in the booth just to their left? The college-age couple sat across from each other, holding hands across the table and leaning into each other in quiet exchange.

She glanced around the crowded room to see if anyone else had caught on to their interactions, but nobody was paying them any attention. Everyone was caught up in their own conversations. She felt guilty for feelling relieved by that. She knew it would hurt Paige to know she was being furtive about their affections. But Emily was still coming to terms with all this.

She would never ask Paige to hide who she was. Not after everything she had learned about Paige's struggle with coming out. But, it was going to take her awhile to feel equally comfortable.

The kid returned with ther ice creams, which Paige accepted with a smile. As he quoted her the price, Emily reached into her back pocket and pulled out a couple of bills that she had found tucked into her jewerly box. She had handed them to him before Paige had even finished juggling their treats to pull out her wallet.

"Em," she tried to protest as he zipped over to the register to get their change.

"A bet's a bet."

"You don't even know if you're going to-"

"We both know that I'm going to love it. And I'm going to eat my entire cone. And probably some of yours."

"Just remember that you said it, not me," Paige said as he returned with their change. "Thanks, Em." She leaned in and pressed a kiss against Emily's cheek.

"You're welcome," Emily murmured, her cheeks heating in a blush as her gaze darted around the room.

"Ewwww. Mommy. Those two girls were kissing."

Emily's heart leapt to her throat at the loud proclamation and she spun around to see the little boy of maybe five years old and his mother who had stepped into line behind them. The boy was staring up at them, his face screwed up in an expression of disgust.

Her gaze flicked around the room to find that several patrons had turned to look. A few of them chuckled and a couple of them smiled before they went back to their evenings.

"You think kissing is gross, do you bud?" the woman asked as she leaned leaned down to scoop up her son, who nodded earnestly and then began giggling as his mother began pressing kisses across his face.

Emily swallowed hard, the lump in her throat dissapearing as she was no longer the center of attention. Her discomfort fading as the little boy giggles subsided and he and his mother sidestepped them to get to the counter, a mumured conversation about cooties reaching her ear, and she realized that his reaction had absolutely nothing to do with the them being two women and everything to do with a typical first-grader's aversion to kissing in romance in general.

Everything around her had gone back to normal, the moment a mere blip on the radar of everyone else's evening. Emily felt some of the tension flow out of her as she registered that nobody cared. She wan't naive enough to think that because a handful of people at an ice cream parlor in rural Pennyslvania were accepting that everyone would be, but it was a little easier to think about being out in public when the general public didn't care.

Her gaze swept across the room one last time, reasserting her position. And then they landed on Paige, who was standing stock-still beside her, holding both of their ice creams and the tension returned. This time it was more guilt, laced with shame. She didn't ever want Paige to think she was ashamed of her, of them. But, this was hard. And-

"Are you okay?" Paige asked softly. Emily scrutinized her tone, expecting to find reproach or dissapointment, but instead only picking up on concern.

Emily nodded. "I'm fine," she said, the words meant to reassure herself as well as Paige.

"Do you want to stay here?" she asked, nodding to an empty booth a few feet away. "Or would you rather go?"

"Stay." For one thing, Emily refused to retreat now. For another, she still wasn't ready to face the car just yet.

Paige nodded and the two of them shuffled over to the booth and slid in.

"Sorry about that. I wasn't thinking," Paige said, handing Emily her ice cream soon as they had settled.

"What, no. Don't apologize. You were just doing what came naturally. I'm the one who-"

"Is still trying to figure their sexuality. And working up the courage to announce it to the world. I shouldn't have made that step for you. I just-"

"Assumed that your girlfriend, who you've been with for a decade, would be okay with some minor displays of affection in public?"

"Girlfriend?" Paige cocked her head, smirking a little as she posed the question and Emily shook her head with a chuckle.

"Is that what we are? Girlfriends?"

"That's what you're choosing to focus on? Titles?" she asked, incredulous, but also a little relieved. She was glad that Paige was able to poke fun at their situation rather than dwell on Emily's minor moment of panic. That she seemed to realize it wasn't personal, nor did it have any bearing on their relationship or Emily's feelings. It was just a hang-up that Emily was going to have to work her way through.

"Well, I don't know. It's not like you ever asked me. Officially. We just started into all this." She waved her hand to indicate the room, the date they were on, their relationhip.

Emily glanced around the room, taking in the 1950's malt-shop theme and the other couples eating ice cream and drinking shakes around them and she let out a soft laugh. "All right then. I am asking you officially. Paige McCullers, will you go steady with me?"

Paige's eyes went wide and her hand flew up to her chest as she let out a loud gasp. "Why, Emily Fields," she drawled, all faux-shock and batting eyelashes. "It would be my honor."

"You are such a dork." Emily shook her head with a laugh, then, after a quick look around to make sure nobody was watching, leaned forward across the table and pressed a quick kiss to Paige's lips. It was hard, and rushed and tasted faintly of the mocha ice cream Paige had been eating. She murmured softly, lingering in the kiss.

It was Paige who pulled back first, settling back against the booth. The dreamy smile on her lips turned teasing as her eye fluttered opened and she regarded Emily who was pouting across from her.

"Shut up and eat your ice cream," Emily muttured, feeling the flush spread across her cheeks and down her neck.


	29. Chapter 29

Guest Thank you. Yes, it's a pretty big step. Not neccessarily a pleasant one, but one that needed to happen.

Nyxxyn No, once it's said it's out there. They can't really take it back. I'm sure Emily will have one of those moment. And, even without one, I think she's catching on to the fact Paige is in it for the long haul.

Guest Thank you. My goal each week is always Tuesday, but sometimes my schedule doesn't work out that way (as evidenced by this update.) I don't know how much longer I'll be writing it, probably not as long as the start of 7B, but who knows.

Guest Thank you. I'm glad you're enjoying it. Yeah, that's exactly what this story was about. Well, more Emily than Paige, but falling in love again. And now that I've got that done, I can start revealing their past and building up their present.

Guest Mocha ice cream for everyone.

Ale Aww, that's so cute. And, I'm flattered that you like the story that much. Thank you for telling me that. It made my day. :)

Sulven- I've toyed with that idea, but I worried that it would feel dishonest. That it would come across like a breach of Emily's trust. She is relying on Paige to fill in all these gaps for her only to find Paige was hiding something so vital from her. But, for dramatic effect it would be so much fun to play with. I'm still undecided on whether or not I want to go that route. Or maybe just use a smaller element of it.

Guest Thank you.

 **Chapter 29**

"I'm having a really good time tonight," Emily said softly. "I'm glad we decided to come out tonight." She glanced around the bustling ice cream parlor, taking in the ever shifting line of patrons, parents with little kids exclaiming excitedly over the treat they were waiting for, groups of teenagers chatting and taking selfies, young couples holding hands and leaning in close. It was all a little overwhelming, the heat and the volume of so many people packed into such a tight space. But the mood in the air was jovial and Emily found it contagious. She turned her attention back to Paige, who was seated across from her, quietly enjoying her ice cream. Paige paused, her spoon halfway to her mouth and offered a soft smile, which only grew bigger as Emily reached across the table and laced their fingers together. Emily's heart stuttered a beat, and then resumed, though at a more rapid pace. Paige gave her hand a light squeeze before switching the direction of her spoon.

"Want a bite?"

Emily leaned forward on reflex, opening her mouth to receive the cool treat before it even registered what she was doing, and in such a public place. By that point the rich coffee flavor was on her tastebuds and she couldn't bring herself to care. She let it melt on her tongue, a small moan issuing from her throat.

"That's pretty good," she said, then held up her cone in invitation. Paige leaned forward across the table and swiped her tongue out, taking a broad lick. Emily couldn't help but watch the way Paige's tongue swirled around the cone, her body heating in a flush at the action. Images of other places Paige's tongue could swirl combined with muscle memory of how it felt against her skin made her head buzz. She shook her head, trying to rid herself of such thoughts.

"Not bad," Paige murmured, licking her lips as she sat back in her seat. "Mine's still better."

"Liar."

"You know, you plan a pretty good date." Paige changed the subject instead of responding to Emily's accusation. "For an amateur."

"Amateur?" Emily scoffed.

"Well, it's true, isn't it? Seeing as how you don't remember any of our other dates, technically, this is the first one you planned."

Emily shrugged, she would grant Paige that. "You're still going to have to work pretty hard to top it, next date night."

"How do you figure?"

"Come on, declarations of love from your amnesic girlfriend? That's pretty epic."

"The way I see it, since this is your show, you're the one who's going to have to top it next time."

"You think so?" Emily narrowed her eyes and glared at Paige from across the table.

"I know so." Paige's eyes narrowed as well and she leaned forward, bringing their faces closer together as they squared off. This close, Emily could see the darker flecks of brown and green in her eyes and the spattering of freckles barely visible across the bridge of her nose. Her lips were only inches away, soft and plump and inviting. It was making it hard to concentrate on their little showdown, when all she could think about was closing the distance between them and sampling the mix of coffee and chocolate she knew they would taste of, from their earlier ice cream exchange.

On impulse she surged forward, pressing her lips against Paige's. Paige let out a soft murmur of surprise, but didn't hesitate to respond, sliding her tongue subtly against Emily's bottom lip. They pulled back slowly, both of them breathing heavily. Paige blinked at her, looking dazed. Emily licked her lip, feeling dazed. Their gazes locked, and held. The moment was broken by the table between them shifting suddenly, the surface beneath their joined hands shaking. They both jumped, startled by the sudden motion and glanced up.

"Sorry," a kid of about ten muttered sheepishly as he pushed himself off the edge of the table and then surged forward, giving his companion a shove. The two of them jostling each other as they moved forward in line, until their father turned and fixed them with a glare.

"Want to get out of here?" Paige said.

Emily glanced around and noticed the place was even busier than before. The line was practically out the door. All of booths and the seats along the counter will now full, with several people hovering along the peripheral, waiting for a seat to free up. She spotted several people eyeing the two of them. For a split second her instinct was to pull her hand from Paige's grasp and put some distance between them. But when their gazes flicked over Emily and Paige and on to the next booth, on to the next couple or group, she realized they were just hoping for someone to vacate their seat.

She was enjoying herself too much to leave, but knew it would be impolite to stay. Her cone was almost gone, and Paige's ice cream was melting in it's cup. Reluctantly she nodded and slid her way gingerly out of the booth. Paige hovered at her side, one hand on her elbow, the other at her waist as she steaded her balance and reached for her crutches. She picked her way carefully around the edge of the table towards the door. Before she had even reached it, a group of teens had taken over the booth.

"This is a really cool place," Emily said, nodding her thanks as Paige held the door open for her. "Do we come here often?"

"Not really," Paige said with a shrug as they stepped out into the night and made their way slowly down the street to the car. "A couple times a year, maybe. It's kind of out of the way."

Emily was a little disappointed, she had thought that maybe this place was special to them in some way. "How did we find it then?" She was curious how they came across it. It was half an hour from home, and in the opposite direction of leading just about anwyhere. It's not like they would have stumbled across heading to or from Philly or anything like that.

"After a swim meet. Against the local high school. It was one of the first meets of the season, sophmore year. And, it was brutal. We got our asses handed to us. I think, actually, you were the only one from Rosewood who won a race."

"Really?" Emily couldn't help but preen a little at that. Paige noticed and chuckled, so Emily elbowed her lightly.

"Yeah. Hundred meter freestyle." That had always been Emily's strongest stroke back in her rec-swimming days. It was still a bit of a trip hearing how she'd excelled at the sport through. "A couple of the seniors took the jv girls out for ice cream after the meet. Team bonding and commiseration and all that."

"That was nice of them."

"Yeah. Most of the older girls couldn't be bothered to give us lowly freshman and sophmores the time of day. But there were a few who were really encouraging and helpful, y'know?"

Emily could only imagine, but she nodded.

"It was actually a tradition that you and I kept up, when we were seniors. We'd take the jv's out for ice cream or dinner or something after a meet, good or bad."

"Yeah? That was nice of us."

"We were good team captains."

"Captains?" Emily could barely imagine being on a team, let alone leading one.

"Yeah. We vied for the position junior year, and then shared the position senior year."

"Who won junior year?"

"Well, I did, obviously."

"Yeah, obviously." Emily snorted and this time it was Paige who elbowed her. "Fine. Sorry. On with your story."

"Right. Okay. So, we came here after the meet, about twelve of us in total, and crammed into a couple of booths. I ended up squished against the wall with you beside me. There was literally no room between us. I couldn't move without brushing up against you. And vice versa. I swear I spent the entire time blushing and apologizing. It was probably the most I had spoken to you in ages." Paige let out a soft chuckle. "Neither of us said much else to each other. You were busy talking with the rest of the girls on the team. You were friendly and popular and they loved you. And I was busy...being awkward. The other girls on the team...they didn't dislike me, but I wouldn't exactly call us friends."

Emily didn't know what say. Paige didn't seem to be waiting for a response though.

"It was a pretty terrible afternoon all around. I knew my dad was going to go ballistic over my times and I was sore from the meet and I felt out of place squished into that little booth. I don't think I even enjoyed my ice cream. And then it was time to go, and suddenly all I wanted was another few minutes with you next to me. We got split up, heading back to school. You got into one of the other cars. But once we got dropped off, it was just the two of us. You were waiting for your mom and I wasn't ready to go home and face my dad. We sat on the steps outside the school and watched the sun set. I wracked my brain the entire time for something to say to you, anything at all. Then all of a sudden you turned to me and told me that you were sorry I lost, but that you thought I had swam really well."

"And then you kissed me." Emily finished the memory for her, it coming back in pieces. The coldness of the cement seeping through the fabric of her warm-up, making the back of her legs go numb. The ache in her shoulders and back from a hard day of swimming. The awkwardness of sitting in silence next to a withdrawn and fidgety Paige McCullers.

 _She turned, staring at Paige's profile in the waning light, trying to figure out when the cheerful, goofy girl from freshman year had turned into this sullen, silent creature who seemed perpetually annoyed by her presence yet constantly sought her out. She watched Paige's jaw work, her gaze on some far point in the distance, on something Emily wasn't sure was even there. She opened her mouth to ask her what had happened, but what came out was condolences and a compliment._

 _Paige had been a powerhouse in the pool. She always was. And Emily could see how much it was eating away at her, not having won the way she was accustomed to. Paige turned slowly and blinked at her, it seemingly taking a moment for the words to register._

 _Then all of a sudden she had surged forward and was kissing Emily. It was sloppy and rough. For the first few seconds, Emily had been too stunned to respond. The action so unprecedented that she was at a loss for what to do. When she did finally regain her wits and began to kiss Paige back, the other girl pulled back. She stood abruptly and paced away, clearly intending to take off without a word. But a few steps away she stopped and glanced around, taking in the deserted parking lot and the darkness that was settling in._

 _One of the seniors had offered to wait with Emily, but she had been anxious to get home. She had been talking the ear off anyone who would listen about her plans with her boyfriend that night. Emily had assured her she would be fine on her own, but the other girl, Sherry, had insisted that she couldn't wait alone. Paige had, suprisingly, offered to stay. She hadn't exactly sounded thrilled at the prospect, the tone of her voice more resolved than eager to help._

 _Now, she was clearly torn between the desire to flee and the promise she had made._

 _"You can go, if you want to," Emily had whispered, confused by the kiss, confused by Paige's reaction to it, and most notably, confused by the way her lips tingled and her stomach fluttered at the memory of it._

 _She had never really thought of Paige McCullers like that before. Sure, she was pretty. Beautiful, really. Especially when she smiled, an occurance which was much too rare these days. But when she smiled, her whole face light up and it was imposible not to smile too. Athletics had kept her fit, her shoulders and arms densely muscled, without being bulky. Her stomach was flat and her legs were toned. Emily had certainly noticed that she filled out a pair of jeans quite well. And, her swim-suit. And her field-hockey skirt. And those hideous shorts they wore in gym class.._

 _Okay. So maybe Emily had noticed Paige in more than just a casual, team-mates sort of way. But, she had never really considered anything might happen between them._

 _But now it was all she could think about. Paige's lips had been soft, despite the harshness of the kiss. And they had tasted faintly of the mint-chip ice cream she had eaten. When Emily licked her lips the mint lingered, tingling slightly._

 _She knew she would be replaying that moment over and over again in her head tonight as she lay in bed, waiting for sleep to come._

 _Paige stilled at the sound of her voice then slowly turned. "No," she said softly, shoveing her hands in her pockets, her shoulders hunching up at tthe action. "No, I'll stay." She didn't come any closer though, she remained several steps away._

 _Emily fidgeted in place, debating whether to sit or stay. She eyed Paige, who was shifting restlessly in place. The energy radiating off her like that of a caged animal. Before she could decide on the best course of action, headlights washed over them, blinding Emily for a moment. She blinked to clear her vision, and once she had, she realized it was her mother, come to pick her up._

 _"You should let us give you a ride home." Emily turned to address Paige, only to find herself speaking to her back. Paige was already half-way down the block, fleeing from the moment now that her obligation to watch out for Emily was fullfilled._

"Yeah, and then I ran away," Paige said with a self-deprecating chuckle. "Wait, did you...did you remember that...or are you filling in the blanks?"

"I remembered."

Paige stopped so quickly that Emily overshot her by a couple steps before she managed to halt her own momentum and swing around. Before she had completed the motion, she felt herself being swept up into a hug, her feet leaving the ground as Paige spun her around before depositing her back down.

Emily swayed on her feet, dizzy from the spinning, but also from the realization that her memories were coming back to her. It was happening slowly, but she'd had three tonight and there was no reason to believe there wouldn't be more.

"You were right," she said, once she had gained her balance again.

"About what?"

"That some of the memories would feel really good, to get back." She raised a hand, catching the side of Paige's face in the glow of the streetlights and guided her in for a kiss. Their lips met softly, the kiss tender and lingering. A far cry from the quick, rushed one she had just remembered, but it made her feel the same. Ten years later and Paige could still make her her feel butterflies.

She didn't know how they had gone from that awkward moment on the school steps to dating, or from dating to living together but suddenly the not knowing didn't feel quite so frustrating. Not when remembering those moments made her feel like she was reliving them all over again.

Paige pulled back from the kiss, but only went far enough to rest her forehead against Emily's.

"Tonight really is turning out to be the best night," Emily whispered. She went cross-eyed, trying to look at her, before finally letting her eyes drift shut for a moment.

Paige hummed softly in the back of her throat in agreement before pulling back. "Yeah, you're really going to have to do something super special to top this."

Emily let out a laugh. "No, that's going to be your job."

"Nope," Paige said, popping the word. "That's all you." She kept one arm securely around Emily's waist as she stooped to gather up her crutches where they had fallen with a clatter when they'd hugged. Emily shook her head as she repositioed them under her arms and they resumed walking. A few minutes later they were back at the car.

"Are you ready for this?" Paige asked, opening the passenger side door.

Emily had almost forgotten about the frightening few moments at the interesction in the excitement of the last few minutes. The reminder caught her breathless for a moment before she shook the feeling aside and gave a determined nod. It had been scary but the moment was over. The accident was behind her and she had survived.

"I'm ready." She wished that her voice sounded as steady as her resolve.

Paige pressed a kiss to her temple and then helped her into the car. She shut the door gently behind her and then stowed her crutches before circling around and climbing into the driver's seat.

"I'll take back roads. And I'll go slow."

"I trust you," Emily said, reaching out and giving her knee a squeeeze. "I feel safe, when I'm with you."

The ride back was uneventful. Paige kept to her word, taking the scenic route home, driving slowly. The late hour and the back roads meant little to no traffic, and Emily was breathing easy the entire way back. She knew she was going to have to face intersections and city streets at some point, but not tonight.

Tonight was about sitting half-awake in the passenger seat, watching the light and shadows play across Paige's face and knowing she was going home to curl up in bed and fall asleep next to the woman she loved.

The woman she loved. The thought, the concept, it didn't fill her with anxiousness or dread. Instead, it was a light, airy feeling that bubbled in her chest and tickled the back of her throat as if in effort to escape.

She loved a woman. She was in love with a woman. She wanted to hold her hand and kiss her and...Emily's mind still stuttered over the next bit. Her body still heated in a blush a she completed the thought. But, not for the reasons it had before.

She was no longer uncomfortable or frightened by the thought. A little anxious maybe. A bit uncertain. But, also eager. Excited. Things had been progressing rapidly between them, but she was quickly becoming accustomed to and wanting more of the physical side of their relationship. Going all the way might still be a ways off, but she was certainly looking forward to all of the steps that would eventually lead to them finally making love.

Her body buzzed just at the thought of it. Arousal stirring in the pit of her stomach as images from her dream combined with real-life memories. She glanced at Paige, and then at the speedometer, guiltily wishing that she would go just a little faster so they would get home quicker. Her lips were tingling in anticipation of pressing against Paige's and her fingers itched to smooth across her skin.

She shifted restlessly in her seat, rubbing her legs together to try and ease the ache. Paige caught the action out of the corner of her eye and squeezed her hand.

"Don't worry," she said softly. "We're almost home."

Emily nodded and offered a weak smile, feeling guilty that Paige had mistaken her impatience for discomfort, but she didn't have the words to correct her. Instead she turned her head, watching Paige as she drove.

Her heart swelled with emotion just looking at her. Suddenly she had a word for the fluttering in her stomach and the breathless feeling in her lungs. Suddenly she understood the need to be near her, the safety she felt in her presence, the desire to make her happy, to make her smile. She knew what it was now, and she wasn't afraid of it anymore.

Sensing eyes on her, Paige dipped her head. It was too dark to see, but Emily knew she was blushing. "What?" she asked, turning to peek at Emily before returning her attention to the road.

"I love you," Emily said simply, and watched a grin blossom across Paige's features.

"You can't say that to me while I'm driving."

"What, why not?"

"Because when you say that, it makes me want to kiss you."

Feeling daring, Emily leaned sideways in her seat and pressed a kiss to Paige's cheek.

"Emily!"

Paige tried to sound stern but didn't quite manage it. "You're going to make me drive off the road."

"Maybe you should. Maybe another knock upside the head will knock my memories back into me."

"Don't even joke about that." This time, Paige did sound harsh.

"Sorry."

"No. I'm sorry." Paige squeezed her hand. "It's just.."

"Too soon?"

"It will always be too soon."

"Okay. I'm sorry." Emily squeezed Paige's hand back.

"I love you, too."

"What? No fair. If I can't say it, you can't say it."

"I'm the driver, I can say whatever I want."

"Your car rules suck."

"Deal with it."

Emily sighed, and shook her head, even though inside she was beaming. Tonight really had been the best night


	30. Chapter 30

Nyxxyn: I'm glad you liked Paige's car rules. Although I kind of agree with Emily. They kind of suck for her. Yeah, Emily realizing she loves Paige is huge. And, I think she's coming to realize she's in it for the long haul as well.

Guest It's been fun exploring what is essentially two love stories at the same time, so I'm glad you're enjoying it.

Guest There's just something nostalgic about ice cream, isn't there? Sorry for making you crave some though.

IHR thank you. And thanks for reading.

Candiland Thank you. That means a lot. It's not an extra update, but it is an earlier than ususal one. Hopefully that will do.

 **Author's Note:** Happy Thanksgiving to my fellow Canadian readers. One of the things I am thankful for this year is all of you. You're encouragement and support has been amazing. It means the world to me that you've all entrusted me with these characters that we all hold so preciou and are willing to join me on the journey that is this story.

 **Chapter 30**

"I'm exhausted," Paige groaned and immediately headed for the stairs the moment they stepped foot inside the house. Emily watched in a mixture of amusement and concern as she gripped the banister tightly, seemingly using it for support and a means to pull herself forward as she trudged up the steps.

"You had a long day," Emily commented, receiving a grunt in acknowledgement as she turned the lock on the front door. She did a quick sweep of the downstairs, checking that the back and side door were locked and turning off the light above the stove and the lamp in the living room before following Paige upstairs.

She found Paige in the bathroom, leaning heavily against the sink with one hand as she lazily brushed her teeth with the other. Her eyes were heavy-lidded and half closed, though she did manage to spare a glance and a weak, foamy smile at Emily as she entered the room.

It would have been adorable if not for the realization setting in that date night was not going to end the way she had hoped. Her anticipation had been building almost the entire ride home. She had been fantasizing about Paige's lips sliding against her own. About the feel of Paige's body, the warmth and weight of her as she shifted above her. About running her hands across the soft, smooth skin of her back and shoulders.

Of maybe exploring a little bit more of the residual feelings left behind from her dream. She knew she wasn't ready to go all the way, but she was ready for a little more than just kissing.

"Mint toothpaste and coffee ice cream do not mix well," Paige mumbled around the brush before rinsing and spitting.

Emily winced in sympathy but said nothing, feeling ridiculously disgruntled at having her libido thwarted. It was petty. It was stupid. But she couldn't help her motions from being stiff and jerky as she squeezed a little too roughly on the toothpaste container and began to brush, discovering that peanut butter and mint didn't mix so well either in the process. She brushed as rapidly as she dared and then rinsed her mouth several times, trying to rid it of the weird aftertaste. She dropped her brush into the holder with a clatter and set the cup down on the counter with a little too much force, the clang of glass on marble jarring to her ears and making her wince. But it was just what she needed to make her see how childish her behaviour was though, pouting and stomping around because she wasn't getting her way, instead of appreciating the fact that they'd shared a lovely evening and were now getting ready for bed, together. The scene smacked of domesticity and intimacy and she was missing all of it because she was so caught up in being disappointed.

She glanced over at Paige, who had splashed some water on her face and was now patting it dry with a handtowel, appearing to be none the wiser. She was lucky Paige was too tired to pick up on her behaviour.

They went through the rest of their night-time rituals in companionable silence, shuffling around each other in the small bathroom, removing makeup, rubbing in hand lotion, combing tangles out of hair and trying not to elbow or trip over each other in the process.

It was strange for Emily, who was an only child and had never really shared a bathroom with anyone before, but also oddly comforting. She couldn't help but wonder how long it had taken before they'd gotten into a routine, a schedule. Had they ever fought over who's turn it was to shower? Or whether one of them had used up all the hot water or was leaving hair in the sink?

Paige finished up before she did, shuffling out of the room with a squeeze to her arm and a kiss to her shoulder. Emily hurried through the rest of her routine and followed her out. She made her way into the bedroom and over to the dresser. She had the drawer half open and turned around to ask Paige what she wanted to sleep in, only to have her jaw fall open as she watched Paige standing by the foot of the bed, shimmying out of her clothes.

She had just shed her jeans and was currently working the buttons on her blouse, slowly revealing more and more skin as the fabric swung open, giving Emily a sample view of Paige's torso from the base of her neck down to her belly button. The swells of her breasts contained within the lacy red material of her bra that peeked out between the edges of her shirt.

Emily's throat went dry, her mouth suddenly arid as Paige slipped the shirt from her shoulders, exposing herself almost entirely to Emily. The flimy red bra and matching panties left little to the imagination, and Emily could not tear her eyes away. Her face burned and heat buzzed through her body, making her extremeties, and her center tingle as her gaze roamed across the the expanse of Paige's skin.

The deep red of her underwear a sharp contrast to her creamy skin that only served to draw Emily's eyes to the enticing places. She swallowed hard as she followed the scalloped edges of Paige's bra along the curve of her breast, down to the dip between them and along the contours of her abs to her flat stomach and the v-of her hips, which dipped dangerously low before Emily's vision was obscured by the small triangle of fabric.

She had never seen this much of Paige before. Att least not when she felt like she was allowed to look. Her gaze darted to Paige's face, wondering if it really was all right, even though her brain told her that if it weren't, Paige wouldn't had shed her clothing so unabashadly in front of her.

For her part, Paige didn't seem to notice the attention. She stooped to scoop up her discarded clothing and tossed them in the direction of the laundry hamper, missing by a mile, but appearing unconcerned as she moved towards the bed and began pulling down the covers.

Emily's stood rooted on the spot, mesmerized by the sight of the supple shift of Paige's muscles, even with such minor movements. Her hand lingered on the edge of the drawer, her search for sleepwear abandoned as she watched Paige slide into bed.

Paige let out a soft sigh of contentment as she rolled onto her side and snuggled into her pillow. "Em?" she called softly, barely even opening her eyes as she turned her head towards where Emily was standing.

Emily had to clear her throat and lick her lips before she could respond, and even then all that came out was a low, wordless croak.

"Come to bed," she murmured, her words thick with sleep. "I want to cuddle."

Emily swallowed hard at the thought of slipping into bed and curling up next to Paige when she was so scantily clad. Of feeling the warmth of her skin directly beneath her touch. She ran her finger across the collar of the shirt beneath her touch and glanced down, suddenly questioning the soft cotton t-shirt she had been intending to wear to bed. Her body tingled and her brain buzzed at the thought of sliding into bed next to Paige equally undressed, at the possibility of feeling Paige's skin smooth and supple and warm directly against her own. After a moment's indecision she removed her hand from the drawer and slid it shut.

With fumbling fingers and shaking hands she shed her own clothing. Pushing her pants down over her hips and letting gravity do the rest. She stepped clear of them and balanced awkwardly on her good leg as she tugged her shirt over her head and let it fall to the floor atop her pants. The cool evening air washed over her skin, raising goosebumps and she questioned her decision.

She stared down her body at the dark black sports bra and the black boy-shorts, functional and not nearly as appealing a Paige' was equally toned, with a firm, flat belly and defined abs, her legs shapely and well muscled. But where Paige's skin was silkly and unmarred, hers was a patchwork of fading, mottled bruises and angry-looking red scars. Not to mention the large white gauze that concealed her incision site. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.

Paige shifted on the bed, the blanket falling a little to reveal the curve of her shoulder and a portion of her back, and Emily's desire overrode her insecurities. It would be dark, after all, she reasoned as she closed the distance to the bed. It's not like Paige would see the damage to her body.

Emily slipped gingerly into bed, taking care not to jostle Paige, who looked so peaceful beneath the blankets.. She flipped the light off and settled onto her back. As soon as she lay down, Paige shifted closer and curled into her side. Emily's breath caught in her throat at the sensation of Paige's skin sliding against her own down the entire length of her body as Paige wrapped around her. Her head slipped from the pillow to Emily's shoulder as she wound an arm around her waist and draped her leg around one of Emily's.

For a long moment Emily lay frozen, afraid to move, afraid to breathe, lest she upset Paige's position or cause her to shift away. Her heart siezed in her chest when Paige shifted, and then resumed it's pace when Paige burrowed closer. The longer Paige remained pressed againt her, the more Emily relaxed. Slowly, she slid her arm around Paige's shoulders. When she didn't move or shift away, Emily splayed her hand across her back, fingers stroking lightly. She felt oddly daring as she ran her fingers lightly across Paige's back, feeling the muscles shift slightly beneath her touch. She could feel her pulse pounding in her ears, her blood heated as it buzzed through her body when Paige murmured and shifted closer.

Her hand curved around Emily's side, her touch cool against Emily's overheated skin. Her fingers flexed a few times, and then began tracing the contours of Emily's ribs. A shiver coursed through her when she felt Paige's lips press against the side of her throat. The first touch was light, fleeting. It could have been an artifact of shifting in her half-asleep state. But, then she felt the pressure increase, the movements become purposeful.

She let out a soft moan as Paige parted her lips, dragging them lightly across her skin.

"I thought you were tired," she said, even as she craned her neck, providing Paige with more access.

Paige's tongue plied lightly against the hollow of her throat. "I got my second wind."

The next thing Emily knew, Paige had positioned herself over her. Emily gasped at the new sensation. It was not the first time Paige had been on top of her, but it was the first time she had done so wearing so little. Paige's bare legs pressed firmly against Emily's hips and thighs as she straddled her waist. The skin on skin contact was nothing short of exquisiite.

Emily took full advantage of the new position winding her arms around Paige's back and pulling her more firmly down onto her, the sensation almost overwhelming her. Emily's thoughts went foggy even as she tried to take note of everything that was happening, from the way Paige's breasts pressed against her own to the faint tickle from the tips of her hair as they brushed against her shoulders to the way she could feel Paige's stomach expand and contract with each and every breath, her own breathing hitching and adjusting to match the rythm.

Paige shifted up, raising her head to capture Emily's lips in a kiss and Emily let out another gasp as she realized she could feel the heat of Paige's center pressed against her stomach. The thin material of her panties doing little to conceal the warmth or the slowly growing wetness. A shiver coursed through her as Paige shifted again, applying pressure to the kiss, and Emily felt the dampness spread across her skin.

The arousal that had been simmering low in her belly since the car ride home flared. The ache between her legs becoming a gentle throb, and Emily felt her hips begin to move in time with the subltle pulsing. She ran her fingers up and down, enjoying the play of muscles against her touch and the way Paige moaned into her mouth and bore down with her hips when she scratched gently.

Paige's hand began to move, drifting slowly up her side, fingers tracing along the dips and curves of her ribs. Emily's breath caught in her throat as Paige's hand inched closer and closer to the edge of her bra. She arched up, offering herself up to Paige and giving a small moan of encouragement as she traced along the underside of her breast with her thumb, shivers coursing through her in anticipation of feeling Paige's touch there.

"Paige," she gasped, her voice cracking with her plea as Paige lingered just beyond where Emily needed her, taking much too long.

To Emily's dissapointment, Paige pulled back abruptly at the sound of her voice. Emily blinked sightlessly in the dark, trying to figure out what had just happened. Paige hovered over her for a moment, holding the weight of her upper body with her hands, but pressing their lower halves deliciously together. Emily could feel her stomach expanding and contracting rapidly as she struggled to regain her breath, the motion keeping their bodies gently rocking for a few beats before Paige slid off her completely. Emily's never protested the lack of contact between them and she reached out blindly for Paige, trying to pull her back.

"Paige?" she turned towards where she knew the other woman would be laying and caught a glimpse of her profile in the ambient light. She was lying on her back beside Emily. There was no glimmer of light, so it seemed she had her eyes closed.

"It's getting late," Paige rasped, clearly still winded.

"Paige? What happened?"

"Nothing happened. It's just getting late."

"It's not even eleven."

"Em, I'm tired. It's been a long day. Can we just call it a night?"

"Okay," Emily whispered, feeling confused by the abrupt turn of events. One minute Paige had been all over her, literally, kissing her deeply, her hands moving up her body and the next she was lying a foot away from her, frustratingly tightlipped about why she had pulled away.

One minute she had been inches away from touching Emily's breast, her hand sliding up her side, poised to close the distance. Emily's thoughts stuttered at the realization that Paige's hand had passed over the rough patchwork of scars on her side to get to her breast. Maybe she had felt the uneven skin beneath her hand and been turned off? Emily's heart sank at the possibility and tears welled in her eyes.

Furthering Emily's confusion, Paige rolled onto her side and snuggled into Emily once again. She let out a soft sigh of contenment as she nuzzled into the side of Emily's neck and draped her arm across Emily's stomach, her hand curling along her side. The tips of her fingers splayed out across the rough skin of Emily's scars. Instead of inching away, they settled lightly.

If the past few weeks had taught Emily anything it was that Paige was the most honest when she was tired, or half-asleep (or drunk.) When her inhibitions were lowered she let her guard down and showed Emily what she was truly thinking or feeling. Whether it was a sleepily whispered "I love you" or an inadvertant grope or getting over affectionate and handsy, those moments were the ones when she wasn't worried about what Emily would think, or how she would react, or considering the situation. In those moments, Paige had reverted to what was familiar to her, what she was striving for. Closeness. Connection. Clearly, Emily's scars had not been an issue then. Which made her believe that they were not an issue now.

She remembered the other times Paige had pulled away from her when things got heated. How she had told Emily that she was starting to feel a little too good, and didn't want to get carried away. Emily almost laughed at how stupid she had been, worrying that Paige would care about her scars. Of course she wouldn't. That just wasn't in her. What she would worry about was them moving too fast. About pushing or pressuring Emily into something she wasn't ready for.

And Emily didn't have the words to ask for what she wanted. She couldn't even think about sex with Paige without blushing. Not that she was ready for that. Exactly. But she was ready for things to progress for them, phsyically. She just didn't know how to tell Paige that. She knew if she tried to come right out and say it, she was going to bungle that up. And, Paige probably woudn't believe her anway. She would just think Emily was saying it because she thought that's what Paige wanted.

But, she couldn't keep going like this, her body fraught with tension with no sign of relief in sight. She needed to do something to show Paige that she was ready to take another step in their relationship. But what? She really needed to talk to someone, someone besides Paige, about this.

She glanced at the clock on the bedside table. It's glowing red numbers revealing that it was eleven fifteen. Taking a chance that it wasn't too late, she reached for her cell phone, which was charging on the table beside the clock. She managed to snag it without disturbing Paige, who had settled into sleep at her side, her breathing deep and even. Quickly she sent a one handed text, asking Hannah if she was busy tomorrow. A reply came almost instantly. Hannah was free.

Feeling a surge of nervous excitement Emily texted her reply.

 _Can we get together? I need your help?_ She read the words over a few times before she took a deep breath and hit send.


	31. Chapter 31

Nyxxyn I think that all of the girls would be able to help Emily in this situation, in their own way. But I have a feeling that what Emily needs is Hannah's particular brand of helping. Yeah, they're both working really hard to get their relationship to a good place.

Guest Well, I think that Hannah's method of helping is interesting. I don't know if you will, but I hope so. As you said, so much can happen when Hannah is being Hannah.

Guest, Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Ale Well, I don't know if this chapter will be quite what you pictured, in terms of the interaction between Hannah and Emily, but I hope you enjoy it. And as for Paige's behavior: bingo. You got it right on the nose.

Guest Yeah, Hannah is Hannah, so it'll probably be interesting.

Guest Yep, Hannah to the rescue.

Guest yeah, there's a bit of a diconnect, but they'll get through it.

 **Chapter 31**

Emily woke the feeling of soft, feather light kisses being brushed along her jaw and neck. The light, tickly feeling raised goosebumps across her skin and had laughter bubbling in her throat. She reached blindly for Paige, threading her fingers through her hair and holding her in place even as she scrunched her shoulders to fend her off. Paige's body shook with laughter and a low chuckle reached Emily's ears.

Slowly she pried her eyes open and blinked away the sleep to reveal a room bathed in the dim gray light of pre-dawn. The glowing red numbers on Paige's alarm clock revealed that it was a little before six. She let out a groan and attempted to push Paige off her.

"Oh, good. You're awake."

Emily huffed and let her eyes drift closed again. While she appreciated this method of being woken up over the shrill buzz of the alarm she would have appreciated it even more if Paige had let her sleep for another hour or so.

"Emily." Paige's voice was almost a whine as she leaned in again, this time peppering Emily's face with kisses.

"Oh, my god, what is with you this morning?" Emily let out laugh as she writhed and craned her neck, trying to avoid the onslaught.

"It's the ice cream," Paige said, sounding utterly serious. "I went to bed with it still in my system and now I'm wired."

"You're ridiculous," Emily said, guiding Paige's lips towards her own. Paige met the kiss eagerly, her tongue sweeping into Emily's mouth. A low moan issued from her throat as she shifted on top of Emily, their bodies settling into a now familiar position, though it didn't fail to stir butterflies in Emily's stomach, a mixture of excitement and arousal at the feel of Paige's legs straddling her waist and her stomach pressing down against her. The sensation made more heightened by their bare skin.

Any traces of sleep were washed away by the blood now pumping rapidly through Emily's body, making her nerves tingle and her skin feel hot and too tight for her frame. Suddenly she couldn't remember why she'd been irritated at being woken up, if this was what they would be doing, Paige could disturb her sleep whenever she wanted.

Paige held most of her weight up on her hands, which were braced against the pillow on either side of Emily's head. But, Emily had the urge to feel Paige pressed fully against her, so she untangled her fingers from Paige's hair and slid them down her back instead so she could grip her shoulders and tug, pulling Paige's full weight down onto her. Her breath hitched in her throat at the feel of Paige's breasts pressing against her own and she let out a soft moan, her fingers clutching convulsively at Paige's shoulders and running up and down her back as she pulled her close.

Paige's mouth left hers and began to trail across her jaw and down her tongue peeking out to ply against the skin as she reached the hollow of her throat. Emily's arousal spiked and she tilted her head back, her body arching up off the bed in offering, willing Paige to slide a little futher down her body. For her lips to follow the curve of her breast or her hands to slip up her sides. To be honest, she didn't know exactly what it was she wanted, just that she wanted more.

"Paige. Please," she uttered, her voice a strangled plea.

Paige practically levitated off her, nearly falling off the bed in her scramble to put some distance between them. It would have been comical if Emily weren't so frustrated.

"Em, I'm so sorry,"

She was red-faced and breathing hard. The evidence of their physical exertion written over her body in the form of glistening sweat, finger-mussed hair and the minimal clothing she was wearing slighly askew. Emily was so distracted by the sight of her, and her own arousal thrumming forcefully through her body that she almost missed the hastily whispered apology.

The bed shifting as Paige slid off it jolted Emily back into the moment and she registered the words Paige had spoken. Flailing about she caught Paige's wrist, tugging her around and pulling her back towards the bed before she could flee the room.

"You're sorry?" she asked, still a little foggy and not quite understanding what was going on.

"Yes. I'm sorry. I never meant to pressure you. It's just...I just...

"Oh, Paige." Emily ducked her head, trying to catch Paige's eye, but she kept her gaze fixed firmly on the ground. "Is that what last night was about? And this morning?"

Emily had thought Paige pulling away was because her arousal was growing too strong. She had no idea that Paige was blaming herself for pushing Emily too far. It made sense though, she realized belatedly, her heart sinking. It was such a Paige way to look at the situation and she should have seen this coming. She slid her hand down Paige's arm to lace their fingers together and gave what she hoped was a reassuring squeeze.

Wordlessly, Paige nodded. She slowly raised her gaze, finally meeting Emily's eyes, her expression guilt stricken. "I got carried away. And, that's no excuse. There is no excuse. I'm so, so-"

"Don't you dare apologize." Emily's voice was gentle, but firm. "You weren't pressuring me. Nothing happened that I didn't want." Emily's face burned at the admission. She gave Paige's hand a soft tug. "Come on back to bed."

Paige gave her a soft, somewhat sad smile and gently extracted her hand. "I need to go for a run."

"Skip it. Just for today." Emily didn't like the idea of Paige going for a run and being alone with her thoughts on this. It would only give her time to dwell and find new ways in which she was to blame.

"I need to clear my head."

She spun on her heel and strode from the room, ending the discussion before Emily could say anymore. Emily flopped back against the pillows, frustration, and not just the sexual kind, coursing through her. Sometimes talking to Paige was like talking to a wall. She got these ideas in her head and just wouldn't let go, wouldn't be persuaded otherwise. Like this whole thing with pushing and pressuring Emily. She had deemed herself fully respsonsible for their level of physical intimacy.. While it was noble at its most base level, that Paige was trying to be respectful it also made it impossible for her to see past her own notions of propriety. Emily was trying to tell Paige that she was ready for more, but Paige was so hung up on her idea of chivalry and restraint that she was missing the signals Emily was giving her. And, Emily was too busy blushing and stumbling over her words to bring any clarity to the situation.

Her musings were cut off as Paige returned to the room, now clad in a pair of black capris that hugged her legs like a second skin and a form fitting tank top that while modest in that it covered her torso, left very little to the imagination.

Was it ridiculous that Emily felt gypped at not getting to watch Paige get changed into her running outfit? It felt ridiculous, but that did nothing to dull the sense of dissapointment she felt at knowing Paige hadn't felt comfortable enough to get ready in her presence.

"You should think about bringing your stuff back in from the other room," Emily suggested as Paige paused at the foot of the bed, pulling her hair into a ponytail. "Thre's no reason for you to be going back and forth to change."

"Oh, I kept my running stuff in the closet in the office even before the accident," Paige said. "That way I could get ready without waking you in the mornings."

"That makes sense," Emily said with a nod. "Know what else would make sense? Not getting up before the crack of dawn to go running."

"I like to get a workout in before I head into the office," Paige said with a shrug. "And since not all of us are lucky enough to work in a building with a gym onsite..."

"The clinic has a gym?"

"Yeah. And you used to take full advantage of it before heading home." Paige circled around the bed and approached Emily's side. "I won't be long. Just a couple miles today. When I get back, I'll make us some breakfast. For now, get some rest. It's still pretty early." She pressed a kiss to Emily's forehead and then backed away before Emily had a chance to snake an arm around her waist and trap her.

Emily watched her go, then slid down the pillows and gathered the blankets around her, snuggling in and trying to go back to sleep. Her mind wouldn't settle though, her thoughts kept going back to the feel of Paige's lips against her own. To the feel of their bodies pressed together and the warmth and softness of Paige's skin against her own. Letting out a sigh she threw back the covers and eased herself out of bed. Despite the early hour she was too awake. There was no way she'd be getting back to sleep.

She was set up at the kitchen table on her computer when Paige returned from her run.

"You're up and at it early this morning," Paige commented, somewhat breathlessly, as she crossed the kitchen to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water. She leaned heavily against the door as she took several long gulps. Emily was unable to tear her eyes away, her gaze drawn to the glossy sheen of her skin and the damp tendirls of hair that stuck to her face and neck. It took her a moment to realize Paige had spoken.

"Yeah," she croaked, and paused to clear her throat. "Hannah and I are getting together later and I wanted to make sure I didn't fall behind." She knew that it wouldn't really matter if she skipped a day or two, the whole point of online courses was that you could work at your own pace. But, Emily was doing this to feel like she had a sense of purpose. Slacking on her second day into the program would just be counterproductive.

"Oh yeah? What do you two have planned for today?" Paige asked, as she returned the water bottle to the fridge.

"I don't know yet. Lunch maybe." They hadn't actually discussed plans. She just knew that Hannah was going to come by around one.

"That should be fun."

"Yeah," Emily said weakly.

She had spent some time with the girls as part of a group but aside from Aria she hadn't gotten much one on one time. She wasn't sure she wanted to admit it to Paige but Emily was a little nervous. Aside from the issues she wanted to discuss she wasn't really sure what she and Hannah were going to talk about. She didn't know if she would be able to fill an entire afternoon. By all accounts the two of them were good friends but looking at it from an outside persepctive Emily couldn't see what they would have in common. What could they possibly talk about?

Her nerves made her feel guilty. The reason she had texted Hannah and made the plans was because she needed her advice. Something told Emily that Hannah was the one who would be able to sort out her issues with Paige, but that didn't make the idea of spending an entire afternoon any more comfortable or make her feel any less like she was just using Hannah to get what she wanted.

"I'm going to run upstairs and grab a shower and then I'll make us breakfast, okay?" Paige said as she passed by Emily on the way out of the room, stopping as she did so to plant a kiss to the top of her head. Emily nodded, and returned to her reading, though her mind started to wander as she heard Paige's footsteps tread up the stairs and the water go on a few minutes later.

In her mind's eye she pictured Paige getting ready for her shower, pulling off her sweaty tank top and shimmying out of her pants, leaving her clad in a sports bra and panties, muscles primed and standing out in stark relief from her run, sweat glistening across her skin. Her thoughts faltered for a minute before envisioning her pulling off her sports bra and stepping out of her panties, leaving her entirely bare as she stepped under the warm spray of the shower, the water slicking down her body. She shifted in place, rubbing her thighs together in an attempt to ease the ache she felt between them. She had to grip the edges of the chair to keep herself from rising and following Paige upstairs, though the fantasy continued to play out rather vividly in her head.

She was so caught up in it that she didn't notice that the water had shut off, or that Paige had made her way back downstairs until she felt the soft touch of fingers running across her back and a kiss to the top of her head. She yelped and nearly jumped out of her seat, managing to clip Paige's chin in the process. Paige let out a grunt of pain and stepped back, rubbing her jaw.

"I am so sorry." Emily was awash with guilt, first for her laviscious thoughts but also for injuring Paige. "Are you okay? Let me see." She cupped the other side of Paige's face with her hand and tilted her head forward and back, examing the extent of the damage.

"I'm fine," Paige said, turning her head in Emily's grip to place a kiss to her palm. "And it's my fault. I should have known better than to sneak up on you like that. You were really concentrating, huh?"

Emily nodded, avoiding eye contact as she did. She had been concentrating pretty hard, but not on the computer screen in front of her.

"What are you working on today?" Paige asked as she moved past Emily and began pulling incredients for breakfast down from the cupboard.

It took a minute for the question to register, as Emily's gaze lingered on Paige's now showered and professionally dressed form. The gray, knee length skirt she was wearing hugged every curve and accentuated her shapely ass. Especially when Paige rose up onto her toes and stretched to reach something at the back of the top shelf. But she managed to shake off her distraction and fill Paige in on what she'd been reading that morning and what she was learning.

They chatted easily while Paige cooked and then as they ate. The two of them connecting so well that Emily had almost forgotten about the awkwardness of that morning and the night before. She was torn over whether or not to bring it up. The run seemed to have done Paige good, she was no longer being cautious or careful around Emily. The casual affection that seemed to come so easily to them back in full force. But Emily couldn't help but be slightly worried about what conclusions Paige might have come to while she was running. She decided to let the subject lie for now though. She would talk it over with Hannah and get her perspective before she broached it again.

"I have to run," Paige said, shortly after breakfast and its cleanup was completed. "I'll be a bit late tonight, probably not home until about seven. Have fun with Hannah today," she added as she headed for the door.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Emily reached out and snagged Paige's arm, slowly spinning her around. She tapped her cheek, and Paige grinned broadly.

"How could I forget?" She leaned in, but Emily turned her head at the last moment and captured Paige's lips with her own.

"Have a good day today," she murmured against Paige's lips. "'Bye. I love you."

She felt Paige smile into the kiss, lingering a long moment before pulling away. "I love you too," she said, still beaming. "I'll see you tonight." One last quick peck and she was gone.

Hannah was fashionably late, showing up around one thirty. Which, was pretty much what Emily had expected. Something told her that Hannah was the type who liked to make a grand entrance. By the time she arrived, Emily was showered and changed and had gotten a good chunk of work done that morning while she waited, once the distraction that was Paige was gone.

She pulled open the door to find Hannah looking flawless and well put together, in a belted dress and leggings that were obviously designer. Her hair fell in perfect waves down her shoulders and her makeup was expertly applied. Emily couldn't help but feel dowdy in comparison in her flowing cotton pants and blouse. At least she had taken the time to curl and style her hair and apply some make up.

For her part, Hannah didn't seem to notice the disparity in their dress as she folded Emily into a tight hug. The feel of Hannah's arms around her shoulders felt vaguely familiar and soothing. Comforting and safe, although not in the same way that being in Paige's arms did. She sank eagerly into the embrace and wrapped her arms around Hannah in return.

"I was going to bring lunch then I thought maybe you might want to go out to eat," Hannah said as they pulled apart. "Want to hit The Brew maybe?"

Emily had a handful of memories of the coffee shop, which had opened when she was in eighth grade, though her visits had been few and far between. She was agreeable to checking it out now, especially since she would actually be able to drink coffee while she was there this time.

Emily grabbed her jacket and they were off. Hannah slowed her pace to walk alongside Emily on their way out to the car, but didn't hover or a fuss over her injuries, which Emily appreciated.

The ride into town was short and passed in surprising comfort. Hannah was outgoing and easy to talk to. There very few lulls in the conversation between them as the waited in line at The Brew and then sat down with their orders. They talked about Caleb and Hannah's work at the magazine and some designers she was working with at the store and getting everyone together for dinner the upcoming weekend. Small talk, mostly. Nothing too deep, nothing too challenging. But, Emily still felt like they were connecting. She could see what it was that had drawn her to Hannah in the first place. While straightforward and oftentimes lacking in tact she was also perceptive and open and warm. Emily felt bad for being apprehensive about this afternoon, now that things were going so well.

"I know you didn't invite me out today to talk about my vacation plans with Caleb or the winter collection," Hannah said after they'd eaten their sandwiches and desserts and were lingering over their coffees. "What's really going on here Em?"

Emily blushed at being called out and averted her gaze. She stared down into the depths of her coffee, the guilt piling on at being so transparent. She really wasn't racking up the friend points today, that was for sure.

"Em, come on, you can talk to me." Hannah's gentle tone only made her feel worse. "Em?"

She glanced up when she felt a gentle squeeze on her arm. "I really did want to spend some time with you."

"Of course. I'm not accusing you of anything. But your text last night, you said you needed my help. And as much as I'm enjoying playing catch up, I want to know what's going on."

Emily nodded, feeling relieved that Hannah didn't seem upset.

"So, do you want to talk to me?"

Again, Emily nodded. "Okay. So. Things with Paige and I have...progressed a little," she began slowly, trying to sort her thoughts so she could lay them out for Hannah.

"Progressed like..."Hannah's eyes went wide and she leaned forward. "Oh my god, are you to doing it?"

"Hannah. Keep your voice down." Emily glanced around the crowded coffee shop to see if anyone had overheard her outburst and was relieved when it appeared that nobody had. "And no. We're not...doing it. But we have kissed. We've been doing a lot of kissing," she added quietly, her cheeks burning at the admission.

Hannah's grin turned salacious. "When did this start happening?"

"The day after the bbq," Emily said, deciding for simplicities sake not to get into the few slips that had occured before that. "We went to an outdoor concert at the ampitheatre." Emily felt a smile tug up the corners of her lips at the memory. "I guess you could say it was our first date." . Her grin only growing wider as she relayed the rest of the days events to Hannah. "... Paige pulled me up and we danced under the stars and it was all so romantic. We kissed and it was...wonderful."

"You seem like you're okay with all that," Hannah said. "So, what's the problem? Paige's not pressuring you, is she?" She frowned at the thought.

"No. It's kind of the exact opposite," Emily mumbled, rubbing the back of her neck, feeling awkward about what she was about to say. "Every time things start to get heated, Paige pulls away. I know she's afraid that she's pushing me. And I don't know how to tell her that I'm ready for more in a way that she'll believe me."

Hannah was quiet for a moment, processing Emily's words and then she jumped to her feet. "Are you finished?" she asked, and without waiting for an answer, stacked their plates and crumpled their napkins on top. "I know just how to fix this," she said, tugging Emily to her feet. "It's a bit of a walk though. A couple of blocks. Do you think that you're up to it?"

It would be more phyiscal activitiy than Emily'd had in weeks, but she was feeling stronger every day and being cooped up inside had left her with a reserve of restless energy. "I think so," she said, reaching for her crutches and nodding for Hannah to lead the way. "Where are we going, anyway?"

"You'll see."

"Are you out of your freaking mind? You can not be serious." Emily leaned heavily on her crutches and stared at Hannah in disbelief before swinging her gaze back to the display in front of her. Apparently Hannah's answer to her situation with Paige was the lingere section of a trendy boutique around the corner from The Brew. The space had been a laundry mat the last Emily remembered but now it was a chic little shop, one which she probably would have had a wonderful time visiting were it not for the fact that Hannah had lead her past the blouses and handbags and accessories to the lacy panties and bras in the back corner.

Hannah ignored her comments as she rifled through the racks, coming back a few minutes later with a handful of garments draped over her arm, which she tried to hand to Emily. "Here. Try these on."

"What? Han, No." Emily pushed her arm away.

"Just trust me on this, okay? Try these on."

Emily folded her arms and glared at Hannah, who only stared steadily back at her, not intimidated in the least. The staring contest stretched out for several minutes. Emily had a feeling that Hannah was stubborn enough to stand here all day.

"This is ridiculous. But, fine." She grabbed the hangers from Hannah and eased her way into the dressing room, letting the door swing shut with a bang. She clicked the lock shut with much more force than neccessary, feeling a childish sort of satisfaction out of her little temper tantrum.

Alone in the dressing room, her curiosity got the better of her and she hung the items on the hooks mounted on the wall to get a better look. There were three in all. The first one a fishnet stockings, garter belt combo with a pair of crotchless panties and some tassle pasties that she knew she would never wear. She had a feeling that Hannah knew that too, and had just chosen the outfit to shake Emily up. The second one was a dark purple teddy that was actually kind of pretty. The bra cups were an emboidered lace and the bodice was thin and filmy and looked like it would fall to the top of the thighs once on. There was a matching set of panties in the same dark lace. She fingered the material of the bodice, suprised at how soft it was. She imagined it would feel very nice, cool and silky against her skin. The third was a simple bra and panty set, black with little red hearts. She could actually see herself wearing that.

She tried it on quickly, to check for size, and wasn't sure if she was suprised or not to find that it fit perfectly. She studied her reflection in the mirror, her gaze critical of the slowly fading bruises down her side and the pathwork of still-angry looking scars. But, it wasn't as hard as she thought it would be for her to let her eyes slip past the imperfections and appreciate the way the material clung snugly to her curves, giving her firm, ample breasts a bit of lift and drawing attention to the subtle jut of her hip bones and the ridges of her abs, the slight v-cut of the panties guiding her eye down to the space between her thighs. A flush coursed through her at the thought of standing before Paige in this set, watching her gaze travel down her body. The decision to buy it was made almost without her consent, but she knew she would not be leaving the store without it.

She stepped carefully out of the garments and eyed the purple teddy appraisingly. It was overtly sexual in a way Emily wasn't entirely sure she comfortable with, yet she found herself reaching for it and slipping it on anyway. She pulled the material over her head and smoothed it down over her torso, shivering slightly as the cool material settled against her skin. She twisted slowly back and forth in front of the mirror, eyeing her reflection.

The material hid the worst of her bruising and scarring and the color complimented her skin tone. It was light and comfortable, and she loved the way the hem swished around the tops of her legs, tickling lightly, as she twisted back and forth, checking the angles. And not only that, it was suprisingly tasteful. She felt more comfortable wearing it than she ever would have imagined. She felt pretty, for possibly the first time since the accident.

"Well, are you going to show me or what?"

She jumped at the sound of Hannah's voice and instinctively covered herself, even though there was a locked, solid wooden door between them.

"What? No. I'm not going to show you."

"Oh, come on Em, it's not like it's anything I haven't seen before. You've worn less to the beach."

Slowly, Emily pulled her arms away from her body and studied her reflection once again, assessing Hannah's words. The outfit was no more revealing than a bikini. And while she didn't remember ever going to the beach with Hannah, she did have memories of countless summers at the shore with her family or at the lake with her middle school friends and at the pool at the rec-center walking around unselfconciously in her bathing suit.

She clicked the lock and swung the door open.

Hannah let out a low wolf whistle. "Va-va-voom. You're a knockout Em."

Emily scoffed and rolled her eyes, although inside she felt warmed by the compliment. "In this cast, with these crutches, I look ridiculous."

"I barely even noticed the cast. Or the crutches. And I bet, neither did you."

Emily didn't say anything, but from the smug look on Hannah's face, she knew that she was caught. She hadn't taken note of her cast or the crutches while she was examining herself in the mirror. For a few brief moments they had fallen away and she was no longer an injured party, she was simply Emily.

"You look good, Em. How do you feel?"

"I feel good," she said, her voice a bare whispered. "Comfortable. Sexy, even."

"Well, of course you feel sexy. I mean, damn Em. If Paige sees you in that, she's going to swallow her tongue."

"I certainly hope not," Emily quipped, her cheeks burning in a blush as she did.

Hannah's eyes went wide and her jaw fell open. "Did you just..." she trailed off and burst out laughing. Emily felt herself relax into laughter as well. The blush that had burned through her body subsiding, leaving a newfound sense of self-assurance in it's wake.

Emily realized that Hannah bringing her hear to try on lingere had less to do with Paige than it did about herself. She knew that she wasn't suddenly going to have the words, or the confidence, or even the skill just because she put on a sexy outfit. But, it was a step towards finding the words, finding the confidence. Towards reclaiming her own sexuality.

She and Paige were going to have to talk. And it was probably going to awkward and all kinds of uncomfortable. But, Emily still needed to learn how to ask for what she wanted. Half of their communication breakdown was her inability to express herself. She couldn't expect Paige to just intuit her wants and needs. Though she had been doing a pretty good job at that so far, it wasn't fair of Emily to make Paige do all the work.

"Look, Em, if you can't say the words, you're probably not ready to do the deed. But, there's nothing wrong with letting your outfit be the conversation starter."

Emily nodded. She got that, she really did.

"Besides, we all know how dense Paige can be. Sometimes you really do need to hit her over the head with something for her to get it."

"Hey, that's my girlfriend you're talking about there," Emily said, giving her shoulder a shove.

"Girlfriend, huh?" Hannah shot her a sly grin. "Since when?"

Emily didn't want to tell her it had been less than twenty four hours, so she just rolledher eyes.

"And, it's not like you're any better, Em."

"Thank you, Hannah," she said sincerely, ignoring the jibe, before slipping back into the fitting room to change back into her clothes.

"So, are you going to get anything?" Hannah asked, as she emerged.

"Yeah. This one." Emily held up the one reject from the pile and swung it in Hannah's face. "Think Paige will like it?"

"Paige would have a heart attack if you wore something like that."

"I know, right?" Emily couldn't help but snigger as she hung it back on the rack and made her way to the register with the two sets that she was purchasing. She was half tempted to go back and grab it, just for the shock value alone, but she was genuinely worried about Paige's physical health if she caught site of Emily in such an explicit outfit. She and Hannah had joked about her swallowing her tongue, but there was a very real possibilty with that one. It would just be too much for her.

She put the items down on the counter and barely blushed as the cashier rang them up and tucked them into a bag, even though she knew the other woman knew her purpose for buying them. Sure, she didn't know Emily's exact situation, but she knew that Emily was buying them to feel sexy, to potentially instigate sex. But that knowledge didn't bother Emily the way it might have even a few days ago. She was a grown woman. She was in a loving, commited, stable relationship. She was free to explore that, however she saw fit.

The new found confidence put a spring in her step, or rather her swing, and she noticed Hannah having to lengthen her stride to keep up with her.

"A little eager to get home and try out one those little numbers on your girlfriend, huh?" Hannah teased as they reached the car and slid in.

"Shut up," she muttered, blushing a little. No matter how comfortable and confident she became in her own sexuality, she doubted she would ever be as free and open with the details of it as Hannah. But, being private didn't mean she was ashamed or trying to hide anything.

"Here we are, home sweet home,' Hannah said as she pulled up in front of Emily's house.

"I had a really good time today," Emily said, reaching out to squeeze her hand. Embarrassment and all, it had been a good day.

"Me too. Now, g'wan in there and get some," Hannah said, leaning across the seat to smack her ass as she was climbing out of the car. Emily let out a shriek of surprise and then flipped Hannah off, laughing as she did so. There was no doubt in her mind now how the two of them were friends.


	32. Chapter 32

Nyxxyn Definitely a big step on all fronts. Emily is moving forward in her relationship with Paige, but also putting all the other pieces of her life back together as well. Aria and Hannah have had their turn, and Spencer will be making an appearance shortly as well.

Guest I'm glad you're excited. We're not quite there yet, but I hope you enjoy this chapter nonetheless.

Guest Hannah does have a particular way with words. And I think even Paige can't be so dense she won't get the message with that outfit.

Guest Yeah, only Hannah would do something like that. And have it work.

Guest We're not quite there yet, but hopefully you'll enjoy this chapter as well.

Vivian Thank you. Not quite yet. Soon though, I promise. I hope you enjoy the chapter in the meantime. As for your suggestion, well I have some ideas, so now I just have to see how they play out.

Guest lol. She probably would have. But it would be so much fun if Emily had done that

 **Author's Note** Sorry for the delay, guys. This past week or so has been crazy.

 **Chapter 32**

Emily found ways entertain herself while she waited for Paige to come home. She Skyped with her parents for a bit, answered some emails and did some reading for school. Around six thirty her stomach started to rumble so she headed downstairs to make dinner. She wanted to do it herself this time, from scratch. Nothing as ambitious as a pot roast, but she was confident that she could manage chicken and rice or pasta. A quick survey of the pantry and the fridge revealed that she had all the ingrediente for a stir fry, and she happily set to work, humming softly along with the radio above the fridge, swaying her hips as best she could to the beat as she rinsed off chicken breasts and chopped vegetables.

A flash of a memory came to her. _Emily was in the kitchen prepping for dinner, a chicken was sitting on a platter by the sink, waiting to be washed, and Emily was chopping apples, preparing a stuffing. The radio was playing softly in the background, an oldies station playing fuzzy big-band music. It was the only one that she had been able to get in, the radio was on it's way out and in need of a replacement. She swayed and dipped to the music as she made her way back and forth across the room, gathering ingredients and checking the timer on the oven. Only to let out startled scream when she spotted Paige leaning in the kitchen doorway, arms crossed, amusement written all over her face. She had been so lost in the music and her tasks that she hadn't heard her come in._

 _"How long have you been standing there?" Emily pressed a hand to her chest, trying to calm the rapid beating of her heart._

 _"Sorry, Em." Her expression turned apologetic as she pushed herself off the doorframe and sidled over. She reached for Emily's hands and pulled her close, but instead of giving her a kiss of greeting, she pushed away, their arms stretching out between them. The next thing Emily knew, she was being pulled back in again. She let out a laugh as she caught on and began following Paige's steps, the two of them twirling around the kitchen in an uncoordinated jive/swing dance that ended when Paige tripped over the edge of a chair leg and stumbled forward, propelling them both into the fridge. They fell against it with enough force to knock a few of the magnets off, photos and bills scattering across the kitchen floor. A moment of silence passed as they stood stock still, and then they burst into laughter. Emily wrapping her arms around Paige's neck and pulling her in for a breathless kiss._

Emily smiled at the memory, a warm feeling blossoming in her chest. It had been brief, and a bit random but she had been able to feel the love and affection and carefree easiness that exsisted between them. The feeling lingered even as the memory passed. It was different then what they had now, but there was a distinct similarity. One that Emily hoped meant they were on their way to achieving it again. Paige was right, some of her memories were painful but some of them were pretty amazing.

She finished chopping the vegetables and dumped them into the pan, ready to sear them when the time was right, and turned her attention to making the teriyaki sauce, trying to keep her mind blank and open as she did, hoping another memory would surface.

Halfway through preparing the sauce, an odd sense of naseau passed over her and Emily had to pause in her actions to grip the edges of the counter, steadying herself as her stomach roiled and her head went cloudy. For a moment she thought she was going to be sick and then the feeling passed. She had just released her grip on the counter when another memory surfaced. This one was just a flash of images, like clips from a movie spliced together for a trailer, only without sound but accompanied by an uncomfortable tigthening in her chest and a queasiness in her stomach.

Flash after flash of her and Paige fighting. She couldn't hear the words but she could tell that their voices were raised. Their faces hard, angry. Shouting at each other. Pacing around the room. Yelling. Gesturing wildly. Glaring at each other. And then the final image of Emily spinning on her heel and storming out, snatching her keys from the bowl on her way out the door.

The images receeded, but Emily knew they would be forever burned into her mind. She didn't know what they were fighting about, but she knew in a way she wished she didn't, that the last vision at least was the night of the accident. In the jumble of images that had flashed across her vision she had caught sight of the date on the daily calender hanging below the clock on the wall.

It was like waking up in the hospital with no memory all over again. Her thoughts a mess of confusion and anger and uncertainty. What had they been fighting about? What had been so bad that she had stormed out? And why wouldn't Paige have told her about it? In the past few weeks she hadn't even hinted at any problems that might have been between them. Instead she had painted their relationship as being strong, solid, nearly flawless. Why would she do that? Unless...

A sinking feeling filled the pit of her stomach and she reached blindly for the counter to steady herself once again. Bile rose, burning her throat, but when she leaned over the sink and coughed, loud, racking coughs, nothing came up.

"Oh, my God, Emily. Are you all right?" The words came to her as if from a distance, or maybe her thoughts were still so clouded that it took a moment extra for her brain to register them. She felt soft, comorting hands rub circles across her back and then her hair was pulled away from her face and gathered into a loose ponytail at the base of her neck.

"Em, what is it? What's wrong?"

For a moment Emily allowed herself to lean into the gentle touches, to let the soothing tones of Paige's voice wash over her. It had become her instinct in the past few days to rely on Paige, to let her take care of her, to turn to her for comfort and strength. But the warm, fluttery feeling in her stomach quickly turned sour as she realized that Paige just might have orchestrated it that way. Emily didn't want to believe it, but the evidence was pretty damning.

She abruptly tore herself out of Paige's grasp and wheeled around to confront her. For a moment her anger faltered when she saw Paige's puzzled, concerned expression, then she rememered the sick feeling in her stomach from the memories and her resolve returned.

"Em, what's-"

"Why didn't you tell me that we had a fight the night of the accident?"

"What?" Paige's brow furrowed.

"What was it about?" Emily had no doubt Paige had heard and understood the question, it was just a stalling tactic.

"It..what...Em, it was nothing," Paige's voice went soft, coaxing, as she crept closer, reaching out to Emily, who shifted backwards. Paige stopped moving forward, her face falling in dissapointment at being rebuffed. "It was nothing," she repeated. "Some stupid, silly fight that doesn't even matter."

"It must have been something if I stormed out."

"That's just what you do, when we fight. You storm out, go for a drive. Clear your head. I go a few rounds with the heavy bag in the basement. Then you come back and we talk and it's fine. You were going to come back that night too. I swear. "

Paige was doing her best to sound convincing and reasonable. Emily wanted to believe her. She desperately did. But she couldn't just ignore the uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach that told her she'd been lied to. That she'd been mislead and manipulated.

"If it was nothing, no big deal like you're saying, why didn't you mention it earlier?"

"Because I didn't see the point?" Paige said, starting to sound exasperated. "It wouldn't have changed anything. Because thinking about that night _kills_ me? You have no idea what it feels like to get that call. To have someone on the other end of the line say, I'm sorry to tell you this but, there's been an accident. You better come to the hospital. To play everything over and over again in your head, wondering how much of it is your fault. If I had just kept my mouth shut, or not kept fighting, or apologized before you left the house you wouldn't have been in that car, in that intersection..."

It was hard not to feel moved by Paige's impassioned words.

"The accident was hard on everyone," Emily acknowledged. "Not just me. I get that. What I don't get is why you kept the fact that we'd been fighting from me. Why is that? Were we breaking up? Was the relationship over?"

"What? No. That's ridiculous," Paige scoffed. "Our relationship wasn't in trouble. We were fine."

"Fine? Maybe you could play that card when I couldn't remember anything, but my memories are coming back, Paige. And from where I stand, it looks like we were far from fine."

"Did it ever occur to you that the memories coming back are unreliable?"

"Don't. Don't do that. Don't make it out like I'm crazy or irrational or-"

"I'm not. I'm not. Okay? I'm just saying, you've got a decades worth of memories coming back to you and no context for them."

"I don't need context when I can see quite clearly that you've been lying to me. And now that you're caught you're scrambling for excuses."

"That's not what this at all. I'm just trying to show you that-"

"Save it. I really don't want to hear it right now." Emily cut Paige off before she could continue, before she could use those wide, fathomless eyes and woebegone expression to sway her. She needed time to think, to process, to figure out what she was feeling without Paige trying to wheedle and cajole her into thinking and feeling something else.

"I need some time," she said, easing around Paige and heading for the front door. "I'm going to spend the night at Aria's."

"Emily, wait." Paige's voice made her pause, but she didn't turn around. She sounded so forlorn, so lost. Emily couldn't bear to look at her face right now, knowing that if she did, her resolve would falter.

"You should stay. I'll go."

Paige slipped past her without a word, not touching, but close enough to stir up a breeze that lifted the ends of Emily's hair. Her gait was jerky, uneven, as she made her way to the door and scooped up her wallet and her keys. She paused, her hand on the doorknob and turned, gazing souflully back at Emily for a long moment before pulling the door open and dissapearing out into the night.

Emily didn't know how long she stood there, staring after Paige, half-willing her to come back. She probably would have stayed there all night if not for the acrid, sour smell of something burning followed quickly by the shrill shriek of the smoke alarm. She jerked in place and then sprang into action, turning off the stove and then pulling the pot of teriyaki sauce from the burner and dropping it into the sink. The pan, along with her appetite was ruined. She tossed it, along with the rest of the fixings for dinner into the trashcan and made her way into the living room, where she dropped unceremoniously onto the couch. She was suddenly exhausted but had no desire to go upstairs and crawl into bed. In a very short period of time she had begun to see the bed as hers and Paige's. Much like Paige had said on the night she came home from the hospital, Emily didn't think she could sleep in it alone. Instead she stretched out on the couch, getting as comfortable as her cast and her restless thoughts would allow and pulled the afghan from the back of the couch down over her.

Though it was early, Emily closed her eyes, willing sleep to come. Anything to calm the maelstrom of emotions whirling through her. And to abade the lonliness she could feel creeping up on her. She had been alone in the house for hours on end in the past couple weeks, it had never felt quite like this. She had always known that at the end of each day, Paige would come home. They would talk and laugh and share stories of their day and night would fall on their conversation and their growing closeness. But tonight the house was still and empty. And she hated to admit it, but she missed the solid warmth of Paige's body pressed against her, missed the feeling of safety and security of being in her arms. The sensation so at odds with what she'd experienced tonight.

For all of Emily's resistance of Paige and their relationship, she had never once doubted that that the other woman was there for her. That Paige supported her and had her best interests at heart. So, what had changed? Why had she been so willing to believe the worst of Paige as soon as the possibility presented itself? Was she somewhere deep inside still not ready for their relationship? Was this some kind of desperate attempt to distance them?

It didn't feel like that though. The sense of betrayal as the memories surfaced cut deep and left her reeling. This wasn't some kind of subconcious attempt at throwing a spanner in the works. Was it? No. She immediately dismissed the idea. She wasn't sabotaging them on purpose. She wanted to be with Paige. She wanted this to work.

So, why had she been so quick to assume the worst? The question nagged, demanding she examine it and figure out an answer. Paige had suggested that maybe her memories were coming back in fragments and were, as a whole, unreliable. Was that true? Had she really remembered a series of fights over years, rather than days, weeks or even months?

But even if it was, it didn't discount the fact that Paige had still lied to her. She hadn't disclosed they'd had a fight the night of the accident. Why wouldn't she mention that if the the relationship she was struggling so hard to remember, so hard to recapture, wasn't in jeopordy. Except, maybe it wasn't. Maybe Paige had been telling the truth, that the fight was nothing, inconsequental.

It was possible that the importance of the fight had paled in comparison to everything else that had been going on since the accident. No, Emily tried to tell herself. It still didn't justify Paige lying to her. Well, misleading her really.

As hard as she tried to hold on to her anger, her indignation, it was slowly fading in the wake of regret and lonliness. She might have been right on calling Paige out on keeping something like that from her. They couldn't rebuild their relationship on half-truths. But, she had handled the entire situation wrong. They should have talked about it, rationally, instead of Emily jumping to conclusions and then flying off the handle.

If it hurt her, she could only imagine how much it must have hurt Paige to realize that Emily didn't feel like she could trust talking to her. That she had assumed the worst and nothing Paige did or said would have been able to change it.

Overcome with the need to make this right, Emily reached for her phone. She pulled it from her pocket and hastily swiped it on, then hit dial, listening with bated breath as she heard the first ring. Only to let out a sigh as the ring turned stereo, echoing through the phone and filling the room. Paige had left her new cell phone here. Now she was out there, all alone, hurt and upset, thinking Emily was angry with her, maybe even done with her, and Emily had no way to reach her.

Dejected, she ended the call and tossed the phone onto the coffee table. She reached for the television remote and flicked it on, searching for a distraction from the uneasy feeling in her chest.

Sleep was elusive that night. She tossed and turned on the couch, ears attuned to the faintest of sound, willing to hear the front door creak open and Paige's footstep to shuffle in. But sadly, the door remained securely shut and Emily rose with the sun feeling sad and worn out. She tried not to read anything into the fact that Paige had not come home last night. Tried to tell herself that Paige was safe, she was fine and just spending the night somewhere. Maybe she had gone to a friend's, or gotten a hotel. But her own crash lingered in the forefront of her mind. Paige had been upset when she'd left. In no state to drive. She could have injured herself. Or others. And with no phone, no wallet on her, there would be no way to ID her, if she couldn't speak for herself.

With slowly rising panic, Emily reached for her cell phone. The action halted as a knock sounded sharply on the front door. She froze and let out a soft whimper, fear and grief leaving her paralyzed for a long moment. She had lived her life in dread of a uniformed officer knocking on her front door to tell her someone she loved was dead. She had thought she wouldn't have to worry about it anymore once she learned that her father had retired, but here she was, once again, slowly inching her way towards the front door, half-afraid of who was on the other side. With shaky hands she reached for the knob and pulled it open with a jerk, only to let out a sigh of relief when she was that it was Spencer on the other side.

"Oh, thank God it's you," she said, leaning heavily on her crutches for support. From the sympathetic smile and the gentle squeeze of her arm, she knew Spencer understood what she had thought.

"How is she?" Emily asked, shifting aside to let Spencer enter.

"Confused. Devastated"

Emily's heart sank and she nodded. She could completely understand the sentiment. "Did you want some coffee? I was just about to make some." It was a lie. She had been too distracted to even think about coffee. But maybe if she could hold Spencer here for a few minutes she would be able to glean some information out of her. Like, if Paige was mad at her. And if she would ever be able to forgive her.

"Well, I was going to just pick up a few things for her and head back, but you know I can never turn down a cup of coffee."

Emily hadn't known that, but she wasn't really surprised. She gestured for Spencer to follow her then turned and made her way into the kitchen. Spencer settled at the table while Emily prepared their drinks, remembering from their coffee date a few days back that Spencer took hers black, and then joined Spencer at the table when she had finished.

"So, what happened?" Spencer asked once Emily had settled across from her. "Paige wasn't exactly forthcoming last night. She just kind of showed up on my doorstep looking desolate." There was an edge of accusation in her tone, and Emily didn't blame her for it one bit.

"We had a fight," she started with, though that was fairly obvious. "I've started to get some memories back."

"What? Em, that's amazing."

Before Emily could continue, Spencer was on her feet and hugging her tightly. She felt guilty for accepting the embrace, given the situation, but she relaxed into Spencer's arms and wrapped her own around Spencer's waist. The hug was kind of awkward, with Emily sitting and Spencer bending down, but it was still full of warmth and compassion.

After a moment, Spencer released her and slid back into her seat. She wrapped her hands around her mug and looked at Emily questioningly, waiting for her to continue.

"One of the memories I got last night was a fight we had the night of the accident. A fight that ended in my storming out. "

"Em, I had no idea." Spencer's expression sombered as she reached out and squeezed Emily's arm. Emily wasn't sure whether to be comforted or concerned by the fact that Paige apparently hadn't told anyone about the fight they'd had. She wasn't sure if lent credence to her accusation or discounted it.

"I also remembered some other fights, and when I confronted Paige about it, she told me that the fight we had that night was a one-off, and insignifigant. And that the others must be memories from over the years."

As she said the words out loud, the more sense than Emily's assumption that Paige had been lying this whole time about the stability of their relationship.

"Which of course, I didn't believe and accused her of lying to me. We fought...and then she left." She didn't feel the need to get into all the gritty details, an overview of the situation was enough. "Before the accident. Were we in trouble?"

"Not that I was aware of," Spencer said, offering Emily a soft, sympathtic smile because she knew that wasn't exactly the reassurance she was looking for. " I mean, we all got together to celebrate Hannah's birthday about a week before the accident and you guys seemed fine. You two had your issues, like any couple. But from what I saw, you were solid."

"Issues like what?"

"Do you really want to go down that road right now?"

Emily hesitated before answering. Did she really want to know of any cracks in their relationship? As much as she would like to stick her head back in the sand and pretend that everything was fine, she knew that wasn't healthy. Not for her, or for Paige.

"I think I have to."

"You thought Paige got too caught up in her work. That she'd get invested in one of her kids and everything else would take backseat. It caused some tensions. But, I don't think it was every anything serious," she hastened to add. "I mean, it certainly wasn't make or break."

Emily nodded, that didn't sound so bad. "Anything else?"

"Don't you think you should be talking to Paige about this?" Spencer asked, looking hesitant once again.

"Do you really think she'd tell me?" Emily countered. She had a feeling that Paige would try to smooth over any problems, no matter how minor, in an attempt to keep Emily invested in the relationship. She couldn't exactly fault Paige for the instinct, but she wasn't sure it would be good for them, in the long run. Whatever issues used to plague them would undoubtedly start to pop up again, and Emily wanted to be prepared to deal with them. Hopefully without overreacting the way she had last night.

Spencer let out a soft sigh, but nodded her acquiescence. "She has a tendency to downplay certain situations so as to not worry you."

Emily had seen that on full display. She supposed it wasn't exactly an unexpected trait. And it certainly made the revelations of last night a little easier to deal with, knowing they were part of a pattern and not a deliberate attempt to mislead.

"And you can be too hard on her. She's ambitious and competitive but much more laid back. You're more of a go-getter, and I think that you push her to hard sometimes."

"Oh, no. Am I totally unbearable?"

"No. Because you do it out of love," Spencer reassured her, then paused, looking striken. "Sorry, that was.."

"It's okay, Spence." It was Emily's turn to reassure her and she turned her hand over, lacing their fingers together to give her hand a squeeze. "There have been a few other devlelopments, aside from my memories coming back."

"What sort of developments?" Spencer's eyebrow rose in question. Her mouth dropped open in shock a moment later, before Emily even had the chance to answer. "Oh, my God. You two are totally back together, aren't you?"

Apparently the blush on her cheeks and the smile playing on her lips gave her away. Wordlessly she nodded.

"When did this happen? Tell me everything?"

Emily had to laugh a little at the eager expression on Spencer's face and the way she leaned forward, elbows on the table. "I promise I will give you the whole story if you help me out with something."

"Name it."

"Can you take me to her? I need to apologize. I need to make this right."

"Of course." Spencer offered up a soft smile. "So, I guess I don't need to pack a bag for her then?"

"Definitely not." Spending on night away from Paige had been akin to torture. She wasn't willing to do it again.


	33. Chapter 33

Guest: Sorry it wasn't the chapter you were expecting, but I hope you enjoyed it anyway. Things will start to pick up, and there will be some intimacy between them soon.

Guest I like to put scenes like that in when you don't see them coming. It's more fun for me. And hopefully they have more impact that way. I'm glad you liked Spencer's appearance. And yeah, Paige is definitely devestated right now.

Nyxxyn It's challenging to write an argument that shows where both sides are coming from, while also showing how both sides are at fault. I wanted Paige to have someone to turn to, someone who's in her corner and has her back, without having to create an entirely new character. Of all the girls, I feel like Paige and Spencer would connect the most. And while Emily has this whole support system, Paige doesn't really have all that many people, so, Spencer is the one who stepped up. I guess yeah, she is Paige's best friend. Though I think she loves Emily and Paige eqaully. And she'll stand up to either one of them, if she thinks they're doing wrong. I don't see it as being more protective of one over the other as much as being protective of them as a whole.. If the situation were reversed, I think she would behave exactly the same way.

Neiky I like to keep you guessing. Don't want the story to get too predictable.

Guest Don't worry, they'll patch things up quickly.

Guest Sorry about that. But, sometimes a bit of figthing is healthy in a relationship, and they'll be back on track before long

 **Author's Note** So it appears my work schedule has changed, and my updates will be on the weekends rather than mid-week like they have been.

 **Chapter 33**

Emily filled Spencer in on everything that had happened since the last time they'd seen each other, from her and Paige's tentative first date to the kiss that had changed everything to the memories that had started resurfacing, ending with the fight they'd had the night before. The fight Emily had instigated. The one that, the more she thought about she realized was senseless.

She still felt like she had a right to be upset that Paige had kept such a vital piece of information from her. It was a possible contributing factor to her accident. She might not have been the one at fault, but if she had been upset and distracted that would have affected her ability to react. That's not something Paige should have kept from her. But she shouldn't have jumped down her throat like that. She should have listened to to Paige's explanation. She could kind of understand why Paige had chosen not to inform her of that. She knew Emily felt guilty enough about the accident and the effects it had on their life. And, she couldn't exactly fault Paige for trying to present their relationship in the best possible light. Especially in the early days when Emily had still been so uncertain of her feelings, and of Paige herself.

She had definitely overreacted. She could have handled the news better and responded to what Paige had been saying differently. Emily supposed this was just one more aspect of being an adult and having a relationship that she was going to have to get a handle on. She only hoped it wasn't too late.

"Do you think Paige will forgive me?"

"What? Of course Paige will forgive you. She loves you, Em. And she'd forgive you anything."

Emily nodded, a warmth blossoming in her chest, though the feeling quickly morphed into a heavy unease as she contemplated the fact that Paige shouldn't have to.

"When you love someone, it feels horrible when you hurt them. But it's inevitable," Spencer said, as if reading Emily's mind. "You say the wrong thing. Or they say the wrong thing and you react badly. You fight and all of a sudden things are out of control. it sucks, but it happens. Paige knows this," Spencer added with a shrug. "This isn't your first fight and it definitely won't be your last. And hey," she said, shooting Emily a conspiritorial smile. "Maybe next time it'll be Paige's fault."

Emily had to laugh at that, the tension in her stomach easing a little as she was infused with some of Spencer's lightheartedness. She was still getting used to their group dynamic, but it was clear that Spencer was the level headed one. She was the one to go to when you needed the sense knocked into you. But, there was also a sort of quiet caring about her too. It wasn't like with Aria, who practically emanated calm and compassion, but the effect was similar.

Emily could see why Paige had turned to her last night. And, she was glad that the other woman had someone in her corner. That she had someone supporting her the way Emily'd had people supporting her since the accident.

"Thank you," she said softly, reaching out and laying a hand on Spencer's knee, giving it a soft squeeze.

"Anytime." Spencer took one hand of the wheel long enough to reach out and squeeze Emily's hand before returning it back to posistion.

"I don't mean for me. Or rather, I don't mean just for me. Thank you for being there for Paige last night. I'm glad she had you to turn to."

"You know," Spencer said conversationally. "When you and Paige first got together, I didn't like her. She and I had played field hockey together for years and we had competed against each other academically. She actually nudged me out of my spot for valedictorian in Middle School. For a couple of weeks at least. I was almost salutatorian."

She said it with such indignation that Emily couldn't help but laugh.

"I thought she was brash. And violent. We had a penatly named after her, in field hockey. And she was so rude. I couldn't for the life of me understand what you possibly saw in her."

Emily frowned at that. She couldn't imagine Paige and Spencer being at odds like that. Crossing swords, sure, they were both competitive but to such extremes? It was unfathomable.

She also couldn't imagine herself being with someone against the wishes of so many of the people around her. By all acccounts her mother hadn't approved of their relationship. Now, apparently, neither had Spencer. She couldn't envision herself ever being so bold. She was the type who went along with the crowd, did whatever she could to ensure she wouldn't make waves.

"I advised you against pursuing anything with her. And I was relieved when you broke up the first time. But, I have to admit, I have never been happier to be wrong about someone. Paige was there for you in ways that the rest of us couldn't be. And she was fiercely protective. And loyal. To all of us. It took awhile, but she won me over. And now she is one of my best friends. I love you both, so much."

"I love you too, Spence," Emily said softly. She might not remember their time spent together, but there was a part of her that did recognize Spencer, all the girls really. Something intangible that drew her to them when logic and reason failed to explain it. "I'm sorry, that I forgot that for awhile."

"Hey, no apologies neccessary. The accident wasn't your fault. What's happening with your memories wasn't your fault."

"Wasn't it though? I mean, I wasn't the one who ran a red light, but, I was upset about the fight. I was probably distracted."

"Em, you're one of the most careful drivers I know. There's no way you weren't paying one hundred percent attention to the road. I saw the police report for the accident. The other driver didn't even try to slow down. He came barrelling at you at such a high speed. Even if you'd seen him coming, there was no way you would have had time to react.

"Do you mean that, or are you just saying that to make me feel better?"

"Can't it be both?"

"I suppose," Emily said, shooting Spencer a teasing smile, to which Spencer winked back.

They drove along in comfortable silence for awhile. It was as if Spencer knew that Emily needed a few minutes to digest everything they had talked about. She wondered, no she hoped, that she had the same instincts with the girls as they seemed to have with her, seamlessly appearing to know just what she needed and when.

As they exited the highway and descended the ramp into a mixed commercial and residental area of the city, Emily was hit with a flash of familiarity. She recognized some of the buildings and landmarks. She just couldn't place whether the memory was an old one, stemming back from some distant trip into the city with her family, or a new one.

"You okay?" Spencer asked, casting a glance her way in the review mirror.

Emily nodded absently as she gazed around, eyes searching for some kind of context clue. "I know this area," she muttered, trying to pin a specific memory on one of the places they passed.

"You work a few blocks east of here," Spencer said. "And my apartment is just up there." She nodded in the general direction they were headed. "And, you're accident was...around here."

"We're not going to drive by it, are we?"

Spencer shook her head. "No, I'm going to bypass it. It's a bit more of a roundabout way to get to my place but I figured..."

"You figured right," Emily said, letting out a sigh of relief. The memory of the accident was bad enough, she didn't want to return to where it happened. She wasn't ready to face that particular hurdle. She knew she would have to, one day. But not yet.

As Spencer changed lanes to turn, Emily caught sight of a sign for a flower shop, and something stirred.

"Spence, the bodega over there." She pointed to the building approaching on their right. "Is it familiar to you?"

"I don't think so. I mean, I'm sure I've walked by it before but..." she shrugged. "But, it's obviously familiar to you."

Without being asked, Spencer passed her turn and pulled up alongside the curb in front of the shop instead. They both peered through the windshield at the red and wite awning and the placard sign that simply read flowers.

"Did you want to..."

Before Spencer had even finished posing her question, Emily had her seatbelt off and her door open. Spencer slid out and hurried around the car, grabbing Emily's crutches from the back seat as she steadied herself against the roof of the car.

"Do you want me to come in with you, or wait here?"

"Do you mind...?" Emily felt bad about leaving Spencer standing on the sidewalk, but if she were facing a piece of her past, she kind of wanted to do it on her own.

"Of course not. Take your time." Spencer pulled out her phone and leaned against the side of her car.

Emily shot her a graceful smile and made her way over to the door. Thankfully, the sign was flipped to open. She wasn't sure what she would have done if the place had been closed. She pulled on the handle, a little jingle from the bell hanging above the door announcing her arrival. She made it about three steps inside before a little old man appeared through a door that, presumably, lead to the back room. He was short, and slight, wrinkled with a ring of whispy white hair circling his head. But his eyes were a clear, vibrant blue and he moved sprightly.

"Ms Fields, what brings you back again so soon?" he called jovially, wiping his hands on the green apron tied around his waist. "Did the hyacinth's not do their trick?" He tutted softly. "What a shame. Those are usually a real pleaser."

Emily gaped at being so readily recognized, and in confusion at not knowing what exactly this man was talking about. "I'm sorry, what?"

He paused in his steps, his gaze flicking over her form, his eyes widening as he took in her crutches, and the visible bruising on her arms. "Ms. Fields?"

"I'm sorry. I had an accident a few weeks ago. My memory is a bit...fuzzy," she explained lamely, not really wanting to go into detail about having amnesia.

"I'm sorry to hear that. I am," he rushed forward and ushered her into a seat beside the counter. "Are you all right?"

"Thank you. I'm fine. I am however trying to piece together a few things. I was driving by this place with a friend and it seemed familar. I guess I was just wondering...what this place is...to me."

He shot her a somewhat bemused smile. "Well, you buy flowers from me. Roses, when you want to be romantic. Wildflowers, when you want to be sweet. Hyacinth's when you're apologizing."

Emily nodded slowly, processing his words. "And, I bought some flowers to apologze from you recently?"

"Yeah. About a month ago, I guess?" He squinted, as if trying to remember. "You stopped by one night. I think it was a Wednesday."

Emily gasped softly, realizing the night in question was the night of the accident. So, Paige was right. Whatever their fight had been about, it wasn't that big a deal It couldn't have been, if Emily was buying flowers to apologize a couple hours later. She felt better, relieved, really, knowing that. In having that fact confirmed by an outside source. But, now she felt double guilty for having doubted Paige in the first place.

In all the time that Paige had been there for her, when had she ever given Emily any indication that she wasn't utterly and completely sincere?

"I remember now," she lied softly, not wanting to confess to him that the flowers had never made it to their intended target. "They worked wonderfully. Which is why I was hoping to get another boquet."

"Of course. Of course. Sit tight. I have just what you need." He jumped up and hurried into the back. Emily slumped slightly on her stool and glanced around the interior, taking in the colorful displays.

He returned a few minutes later carrying a boquet of light blue and puple flowers mixed with white baby's breath and something green and leafy, wrapped in shiny gold tranlucent paper.

"These will do the trick, guaranteed," he said as he handed her the bouquet, thankfully not asking what it was Emily needed to apologize for.

Emily thanked him softly and paid him, then headed out to the car

"Everything okay?" Spencer asked, as Emily approached.

"Everything's fine," Emily said, allowing her friend to help her into the car.

She explained what had happened on the short ride to Spencer's apartment, and within moments, found herself standing in front of an unfamiliar wooden door, gathering up the courage to knock.

Spencer had offered to park the car, and grab a coffee at the diner on the corner, to give Emily and Paige some privacy to talk, for which Emily had been greatful. But now confronted with having to face Paige alone, she was kind of wishing she had some backup.

She raised her fist, but before she had a chance to knock, Paige rounded the corner of the landing and stumbled to a stop a few steps away from Emily. For a moment the two of them stood, staring at each other in startled silence. Paige was dressed for a run, in a pair of slightly baggy basketball shorts and a men's ribbed tank top, and was covered in a fine sheen of sweat. Tendrils of hair had had escaped from a ponytail and were now plastered to her forehead and neck.

"Hey," she said softly, somewhat breathlessly, as she slowly approached. Her expression was guarded, her movements cautious, but Emily saw the flash of hope in her eyes.

"Hi." Emily swung around on her crutches so she was facing Paige head on. She did her best to keep her gaze on Paige's face and not let it settle on her chest, which shifted rapidly as she tried to catch her breath. She shifted her grip on the bouqet of flowers and raised her arm, presenting them to Paige.

"I'm sorry that we fought," she said softly. "It was wrong of you, to keep that from me. But, I understand why you did it. And, I should have listened. I should have let you explain."

Paige reached out to accept the flowers, her fingers brushing against Emily's in the process. The slight contact sending shivers up Emily's spine. The entirely phsyical reaction, which had one been a source of confusion and concern now a comfort. There was some relief in knowing that even when they weren't at their best, even when they were fighting or at odds that connection was still there.

"I'm sorry too," Paige said, gripping the boquet in both hands and taking a deep sniff. "You're right, I should have told you. And I never should have taken off like I did. I could have gone for a walk or something, to give you space. But, I should have come back."

"I understand, why you didn't," Emily said. "I know that I hurt you, when I didn't trust you. And I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant for any of this. I was just so...caught off guard. Confused."

"I know."

"But, I never should have doubted you. Not when you've never given me any reason to. Not when you've been nothing but supportive and loving and...amazing since this whole thing started."

Paige nodded, ducking her head to stare down at the ground, her words directed towards her feet. "I don't understand why you thought I would lie to you. Why you though I had anything but your best interests at heart."

"I don't know," Emily admitted sadly. She still felt ashamed at the fact that she had been so quick to rush to judgement. "I just wasn't thinking, I guess. All I can say is I'm sorry. I do trust you."

"Yeah?" Paige glanced up, a hint of a smile on her lips.

"Yeah. With all my heart. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Only if you can forgive me." Paige shifted closer, eliminating the distance between them as she cupped the back of Emily's neck and tilted her head, bringing their lips together in a soft, sweet kiss.

Emily's eyelids fluttered closed at the first contact and she melted into Paige's touch. Her heart raced and butterflies stirred in her stomach. For all the nervous excitement she would have thought this was their first kiss. It kind of felt like one. There was something tentative and explorative about it.

All too soon Paige was pulling away. Emily let out a soft sigh and blinked her eyes open. Her gaze took a moment to focus, and when it did, she found herself staring into the depths of Paige's fathomless dark eyes.

"Wait a minute, how did you get here?" Paige asked, pulling further away.

"Spencer gave me a ride."

"Spencer?" Paige's brow furrowed.

"What, did you think I took the bus or something?"

"No. It's not that. It's just, she said she had to run an errand before class. I thought she meant like picking up dry cleaning or something not..." Paige trailed off with a shrug.

"An errand? She told me..." Emily didn't complete her thought either as she realized that she'd been played. When Paige's eyebrows rose in question she swaved the thread of conversation off. "She's a good friend," she said instead.

Paige nodded. "Yeah. She really is. Speaking of, where is Spencer?"

"Around the corner, having coffee. She said she'd give us some space to talk."

"Right. Uh, do you want to give me a few minutes to shower and then go treat our good friend Spencer to breakfast?"

Emily readily agreed. Her stomach had been in knots all morning, but now that things had been resolved between herself and Paige she was starting to feel the effects of not having eaten anything since lunch the day before.

Paige offered up a smile and pressed another soft kiss against Emily's lips before stepping around her and pulling her keys out of her pocket. They jangled loudly in the otherwise quiet hallway as she searched for the right one. It was only as she was sliding the key into the lock that Emily realized that the key was on keychain, along with the keys for their house and car. It wasn't the spare sort of key you gave to a guest or neighbour.

"You have a set of keys for Spencer's apartment,"Emily commented as she followed Paige inside. "Should I be worried about you two?" she teased.

"I didn't want you to find out this way, but yes," Paige said, tossing the keys in question onto the table beside the door. "We're having a torrid affair and I'm leaving you for her."

Emily huffed a laugh as she trailed Paige through the living room and into the ktichen, but any sort of witty comeback she might have had died on her lips at the glimpse of toned abs as Paige lifted the bottom of her shirt to wipe at the sweat on her face and neck. The low slung shorts, cinched tightly an inch or two below the waist giving Emily a clear view of the firm, well defined muscles and faint jut of her hip bones, which directed Emily's gaze downward, toward the elastic waistband of Paige's shorts. Her face heated up in a blush as she contemplated what lay beyond.

"For the record, I have keys to all the girls places. We both do. And, they have keys to ours. For emergencies, or whatever."

"Mmhmm." Emily nodded, though she didn't really hear the words Paige was saying.

Paige released the hem of her shirt and it fell back down into place, much to Emily's disappointment. Though, it did gather and bunch a little on one side, revealing a faint sliver of skin that was enough to tantalize and tease. She couldn't peel her gaze away, even as Paige half turned to grab a bottle of water from the fridge and stood in the middle of the room, drinking it down in series of rapid gulps.

"Okay. Give me like ten minutes to get cleaned up," Paige said, tossing the bottle towards the recycling bin in an exaggerated three-point shot. It landed with a clatter. She was halfway out of the room when she stopped and spun on her heel. "Can I get you anything, before I go? Juice? Coffee?"

"I'm fine. Just go get ready."

"Be back in a flash." Paige shot her a smile and then dissapeared down a hallway that, presumably, led to the bathroom.

Emily wandered aimlessly around the living room while she waited, feeling still too keyed up to settle. She studied books on the bookshelf, impressed by the variety of Spencer's selction, and perused her dvd collection, which was also quite vast. She studied the pictures on display along the windowsill and was unsurprised but still somewhat uncertain about finding a few with her own face smiling back at her. She examined the artwork on the walls and was looking at the knick-knacks on the shelf by the door when Paige appeared, somewhat sloppily dressed in a pair of what was obviously men's jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt.

"Toby's," she explained, catching Emily's quizzical look. "I didn't really want to put my outfit from yesterday back on and obviously Spencer's stuff isn't going to fit me."

"Right." She nodded, then a thought occured to her. "Where is Toby?"

"On his way to a job site. Left about a half an hour ago."

Emily nodded again. She was sorry to have missed him, but at the same time, glad that he hadn't been hiding out in the bedroom or something while Emily snooped around the place.

"Ready to go?" Paige gestured towards the door, ushering Emily ahead of her as they made their way out of the apartment.

They shared a pleasant breakfast with Spencer, who had looked so delighted to see them walk into the diner together that Emily decided not to tease her about her meddling. Instead, she let herself get caught up in the laughter and conversation around her, and the banter that seemed to flow so easily between them as she stuffed herself on eggs and hashbrowns and toast, washing it all down with orange juice and coffee until she felt like she would explode. And she watched in amazement as Spencer and Paige continue to pack away even more food. She didn't know how either of them could eat as much as they did and stay so slender. When they finished breakfast they went back to Spencer's apartment to gather Paige's things. After a round of hugs, and a whispered thanks from Emily to Spencer, she and Paige headed home.


	34. Chapter 34

Guest Thank you. I'm glad that you look forward to the updates. I look forward to writing a chapter each week.

Guest Thank you. I'm glad you liked it. Yeah, I thought it was important for Emily to have some outside validation of what Paige was saying. It would help with her trust issue.

Guest Thank you.

Guest Yeah. What would the girls do without Spencer?

Nyxxyn. I can see why it would seem like Spencer was taking Paige's side over Emily's, but it never really felt like that when I was writing it. I f just igured she would just be the most honest with Emily about how her actions were affecting Paige. Because she wants them to be happy with each other. Yeah, slowly but steadily they're putting their life back together.

 **Chapter 34**

"I called in sick to work today," Paige informed Emily as she unlocked the front door and stepped aside to allow Emily to enter. "I thought that we could use some time to talk."

"You finally decide to play hookey, and you want to use the time to talk?" Emily teased, shaking her head and clucking in mock disappointment. Well, mostly mock disappointment. She knew that they did need to talk. Their fight last night and everything that Spencer had said told her there was some stuff they needed to hash out, but at the same time, her plans for the evening had been thrown off course by the argument and Emily had been looking forward to the increased intimacy. Or at least, that's what she told herself. Because that sounded so much better than having to admit that she was just feeling put out because they hadn't gotten to spend the evening making out like she had intended.

"I'm sure we can find at least a little time to do something other than talk." Paige promised, offering up a suggestive smile and wagging her eyebrows exageratedly.

"Well, when you put it that way, maybe not," Emily said, giving Paige a little shove as she trailed her into the kitchen. She hovered in the doorway, watching as Paige rummaged through the cupboards for a vase and set the bouquet in water.

"I never thanked you for the flowers," she said, after she had positioned the vase on the window sill above the sink. "They're beautiful. And they smell lovely." She sidled up to Emily and looped her arms loosely around her waist. "Thank you."

Emily shifted forward, her body gravitating towards Paige, and seeking comfort in her embrace. She burrowed into Paige, tucking her head beneath Paige's chin and wrapping her arms around her sure, steady beat of Paige's heart and her warmth and solidness soothing the last of Emily's uncertainties.

"I hate fighting with you," she whispered against Paige's throat. A small smile played at her lips when she felt the other girl shiver at the way Emily's lips brushed her skin with each word. "Let's promise to never fight again," she added, even though she knew it was an impossible request.

Paige chuckled softly and tightened her grip.

Although Emily felt like she could spend forever wrapped up in Paige like this, she knew that they had some important things to discuss, and putting it off wasn't going to make it any easier. Reluctantly she eased backwards. Paige's arms loosened and eventually fell away.

"So, should we go into the living room and get comfortable?" Paige suggested.

Emily nodded and lead the way into the other room. She made her way over to the couch and settled on the middle cushion, while Paige took a seat next to her. They positioned themselves facing each other, knees just barely touching. But before either of them could say anything, Emily shifted, facing away from Paige, and eased backwards into her. It took a moment for Paige to catch on to what she was doing, but after a bit of shuffling they were once again settled on the couch, this time with Paige leaning against the arm and Emily reclining against her, their legs stretched out in a tangle in front of them. Paige's arms were wrapped securely around Emily's waist. Some of what they were going to talk about was likely to be uncomfortable, maybe even unpleasant, and Emily felt like she would be able to handle it if she had the safety and security of Paige's arms around her.

"I wasn't lying to you, when I said that we weren't in trouble," Paige began, her voice low and soothing. At any other time, Emily might have closed her eyes and relaxed into it. "The fight you remembered was the first one we'd had in five, six months. And, it really was stupid. About nothing."

Emily hummed softly in the back of her throat, letting Paige know she was listening and not going to interrupt.

"We were supposed to go to some reception, dinner thing with your boss, but I got tied up in court and forgot to call and when I got home you were kinda pissed. Justifiably. But, I'd had a hellish day and I wasn't in the mood so I snapped back and next thing I know, we were fighting. About everything. About nothing."

Even though Emily couldn't remember the details, all she had to do was close her eyes to envision it. Paige coming home exhausted and spent, she herself in a foul mood at being stood up not recognizing the signs and lighting into her. Tempers flaring. Words being exchanged. It was not a pleasant thing to contemplate, and she hated the idea of not only it occuring, but how readily she could conjure it up.

"It wasn't even all that bad of a fight," Paige continued. "But, it ended the way all of our fights end, with you grabbing your keys and storming out, claiming that you needed to clear your head."

Emily nodded faintly, that part was familiar at least. Even as a kid, whenever she'd fought with her parents she had sought refuge and clarity in a dose of fresh air. Often times a walk around the block would leave her feeling calmer and ready to reconcile. She supposed it only made sense that she would revert to form in her relationship with Paige.

"It never crossed my mind, not even for a second, that it was anything more than just a fight. If I had thought that it were truly serious, that our relationship was in actual trouble, I never would have let you walk out that door. And, I really did believe we were going to make up. That it was only a matter of time."

"I believe you," Emily said, speaking for the first time since they had sat down.

She felt, more than heard, Paige sigh in relief.

"And, I get why you didn't mention it. And I should have been more understanding, when you tried to explain. I say I love you, but when it came down to it, I didn't trust you enough to give you the benefit of the doubt. And, I should have.

"That may be,"Paige said,. "But it was unfair of me to only present one side of our relationship to you. I'm sorry." She pressed a kiss to the side of Emily's head.

"I know. And, I'm sorry for overreacting and not letting you explain."

They had already apologized to each other, but Emily felt like the words beared repeating. Especially since this whole fight could have been avoided if Emily had let logic, rather than emotion lead her.

"I should have known better than to believe that you would keep something like that me as a way of manipulating me or controlling the situation."

"I understand why you might have felt that way. Though, that was never my intention."

"I know," Emily reassured her, lacing their fingers together and giving a gentle squeeze. She hoped the added contact would give Paige some additional reassurance.

She was beginning to feel like the conversation was going around in circles. Like they could easy spend the rest of the day apologizing and rationalizing. And, while she thought it was good that they had apparently worked out some pretty good conflict resolution skills, it wasn't really productive any longer.

"So, tell me about some of the other fights we've had," she said lightly. "What's the worst one we ever had?"

Paige huffed and squeezed Emily's midsection lightly. "You sure you want to hear this?"

"Honestly? No. But, we're here, now, sitting like this. How bad could it really have been?"

It's not like Emily reveled in the idea of drudging up all the painful moments of their past and stirring up old hurts, but she needed to step into this relationship with eyes wide opened. She needed to know the good, the bad, and the ugly.

"I love you, Paige," she said softly, tipping her head back to press a kiss against the underside of her jaw. "Nothing you say is going to change that," she added, sensing the other girl's hesitance.

"Okay." Paige blew out a long breath. "Okay. So, I told you about the fight we had over my grad school application, right? That was one of the bad ones. Most of them were like the one that you remembered, just stupid stuff sort of boiling over because we'd both had a bad day or were PMSing or got our lines crossed somewhere. Like this one time, we were going to meet for dinner after work in the city. And I texted you the name of the restaurant, but forgot the address so you googled it. Turns out there were two restaurants with the same name, on opposite sides of town. You waited for an hour, and got pissed thinking I'd stood you up. And I thought you had stood me up. We had this blowout fight over the phone and barely talked to each other for like two days."

Thought it had probably been pretty terrible at the time, Emily couldn't help but giggle a little, picturing it, Both of them waiting at their respective restaurants, geting antsty and anxious the longer they were alone, anger mounting, temper flaring.

It was a weird sensation, relaxing into Paige's embrace and letting herself be lulled by the cadence of her voice as she recounted the tiffs and arguments they'd had over the years. As Paige had promised, and Spencer had stated, and everything about the life they had now indicated, the fights were nothing to be concerned about. They were the sort of things that every couple fought about from time to time, broken promises and missed dates and distractions and minor issues that festered until they became major ones. Some of them actually sounded very familiar. At first Emily thought it was because her memory of them were returning but then she realized it was because she had heard her parents fight about similiar issues.

It was actually sort of comforting. Her parents relationship, despite it's trials and ups and downs had been solid. It was what she had aspired to. As a child, when she imagined what her life would be like when she grew up, she envisioned something very much like what her parents had. A loving, stable, supportive relationship. And she had undoubtedly found that with Paige.

Emily was just sorry she hadn't trusted that. Hadn't trusted Paige. She would never make that mistake again. Emily knew that they would disagree and argue and give each other the silent treatment and passive-agressively snark at each other. That was just part and parcel of a relationship. And yeah, those days when whey were fighting or not speaking would hurt but they would get through it. They would be stronger for it.

"The worst fight we ever had was probably when we were moving in here. We decided to redecorate a little. As you can obviously tell."

Emily nodded, it was one of the first things she'd noticed about the house when she'd come home from the hosptial.

"Right, well I left the decorating mostly up to you and Hannah. You guys are both so good at that kind of thing. and It's not like it really mattered to me. I didn't care what the place looked like, I was just happy to share it with you."

"I had no interest in color palates or what material the curtains were or whatever. But, you took my disinterest in home decor as disinterest in moving in together, in making this our home. Which, understandably, upset you. But, I didn't realize what it was that was bothering you, so when you came to me with these tirvial little details like tile colors for the backsplash or whether or not to paint the trims, I just kind of shrugged it off. I didn't realize you felt like I was shrugging you off. It all came to a head one night over bed-sheets of all things." Paige's grip around her waist tigthened as she recounted the fight, and even though she knew the moment was long past them, Emily was greatful for the reassurance. It sounded awful. Just thinking about the amount of discord and hurt feelings made her heart ache.

"...and you said that if I didn't care about all of the stuff that went into building a home together then I probabldy didn't even care about you. And if that were the case, why were we even bothering. We should just call it quits," Paige said, her voice faltering as she relived the moment. "I honestly thought I was going to lose you, right then and there."

"What happened?"

"What happened was that I was angry. And stubborn. And I told you that if that was how you felt then fine. Maybe we should break up."

Emily gasped. She couldn't help it. She was so caught up in the story telling for a moment that she forgot it was her life, their life. "What? Why would you do that?"

"I told you. I was angry. And stubborn. Basically, I was an idiot."

"Kinda, yeah. So, clearly we didn't break up that night though."

"No. I think when I said that it kind of shocked us both. We had this sort of moment where we both stood there, staring at each other and the ridiculousness of everything that we'd let build up just hit us."

Even though she'd known that had to be the outcome, they were still together now, after all, Emily let out a sigh of relief.

"Our relationship isn't perfect. I don't think there is such a thing. But, it's good. It's solid. It's safe,"

Emily nodded along with Paige's words, she could see that now. Whatever insecurities had hit her when the memory of that fight had surfaced had dissapated. "I know. And, I should have known it all along. I'm sorry I didn't." It would take awhile to get over feeling guilty for doubting Paige the way she had. "Just hearing about everything we went through, all the stupid things we said to each other, all the fights we could have let break us up, it only makes me realize how strong our relationship is."

Paige hummed softly in the back of her throat and burrowed into Emily, pressing a soft kiss to the side of her neck. "You know, fighting really sucks. But, there's something kind of special about making up, don't you think?"

Emily took note of the way they were sitting, all wrapped up in each other, how safe and secure she felt in Paige's arms, and the warm feeling that had settled over her since they'd sat down, and she nodded. "Yeah. There really is."

An easy silence fell between them. Emily leaned her head back against Paige's shoulder and closed her eyes, just enjjoying the gentle rise and fall of her chest and the faint rasp of her breathing and the way her hands smoothed softly across her stomach and upper thighs, running in endless circles.

"This feels nice," she murmured, and felt, more than heard, Paige's hum of agreement. She was glad that Paige had taken the day off work. Not only had it given them a chance to talk things out, but it had also afforded them the opportunity to rebuild the feeling of closeness, the connection, that had taken a hit last night. Emily was relieved that there didn't seem to be any last damage.

Slowly, the warmth that had spread over her began to blossom into a different kind of heat, the constant motion of Paige's hands igniting the arousal that seemed to be so close to the surface lately these days. Though she was moving her hands over the material of Emily's cloths, the thin cotton t-shirt and lightweight knit of Emily's pants did little to mask the warmth of Paige's hands or dull the sensation against her skin. Especially as, with each pass, her hands drifted higher and higher up Emily's torso, skirting increasingly closer to the undersides of her breasts, though, frustratingly, never making contact.

Butterflies stirred in her stomach and her breath hitched in anticipation, In yearning. Every time Paige's touch drifted upwards Emily willed her to continue on those extra couple inches higher and every time her stomach dropped in dissapointment. She swallowed hard against a suddenly dry throat and opened her mouth to speak, only for the words to die in her throat. She still didn't know how to ask for what she wanted.

Her thoughts went to the shopping expedition with Hannah, and the advice her friend had given her. That if she couldn't say the words, she probably wasn't ready. But, it was okay to let her actions start the conversation for her. Maybe until she found the words she could show Paige what it was she wanted.

When Paige's hands had reached the top of their circle, just inches away from grazing the underside of her breast, Emily raised her own hands from where they had been drawing patterns across the tops of Paige's thighs and rested them over Paige's, stilling their movements.

Paige stiffened behind her. "Sorry," she muttered, and moved to pull her hands aways.

"No, that's not what I meant. I was trying to...I want you to..." Emily's explanation faltered and instead of struggling to continue she guided Paige's hands the rest of the way up and rested them lightly over her breasts.

She heard Paige inhale sharply, her chest dipping backwards rapidly. "Are you sure?" she rasped. "I'm not trying to push."

"I'm sure," Emily said, squeezing Paige's hands lightly before letting her touch fall away. "If you want to, that is," she added. It struck her belatedly that maybe Paige wasn't ready for their relationship to progress to the next level either. Maybe she wasn't comfortable doing anything more than what they had been with Emily while Emily was still recovering her memories. She quickly dismissed that idea however, all evidence of the last few weeks lead to the conclusion that Paige was ready, she was just waiting on Emily to give her the go-ahead.

"Oh, no, I want to."

Emily chuckled softly at Paige's reply, which was quick, and eager. Though her laughter quickly morphed into a moan as Paige's hands began to move. She started slowly, gently kneading and then gradually began to add more pressure. Arousal spiked through Emily. She groaned, low in her throat as she arched up, pressing herself more firmly against Paige's touch.

She felt her nipples begin to harden as the palms of Paige's hands pressed against them, and then began to ache, yearning for a more direct stimulation.

As if reading her mind, or perhaps simply because she was adept at reading Emily's body, Paige changed tactics, pinching and tugging on her nipples. Her groans dropped to somewhere even lower in ther throat, becoming almost gutteral as sparks flared across her vision.

This was even better than the inadvertent gropings. And defintely better than the dreams and fantasies she'd been having since. Paige's fingers were deft, her touch sure. There was no hesitancy in her motions, the way there was when Emily tried this on herself and what's more, she had years of experience in knowing what it was that Emily liked to drive her to the edge.

The only thing that would make this better were if Paige's hands were to slip beneath the material of her shirt and make direct contact with her skin. Although, from the way her body felt like it had been lit on fire, Emily wasn't sure she could handle that kind of touch right now.

Her breath came in short, rapid gasps, her lungs feeling like they were weighed down with lead and her stomach dipped and churned.

She thread a hand up behind Paige's head, tangling her fingers in her hair. Her other hand gripped tightly to the top of Paige's thigh, grounding her as Paige's touch pushed her higher and higher. The ache between her legs was becoming unbearable. She alternated between squeezing her thighs shut, seeking some relief, and spreading her legs as her hips rocked upwards, the motions completely reflexive.

Paige dipped her head, her lips latching onto Emily's neck. Emily's grip tigthened in Paige's hair, tugging roughly, and her nails dug into her thigh, one, or both of the action causing Paige to grunt softly, but it didn't deter her. She continued to play with Emily's breasts as she kissed her way hotly down the side of Emily's throat, her tongue plying against her skin.

It was overwhelming, in the best of ways. And it left Emily yearning for more. She was overcome with the desire to feel Paige's lips on hers. To have the weight of her body pressing down on her own. To be able to run her hands freely across every inch of skin she could reach.

She understood now, in a way she had been incapable of before, just why Paige had pulled away when things got heated. The desire to give into the sensations was overwhelming and rapidly overtaking all other logic and reasoning. It would be so easy to get caught up in what was happening and accidently go too far. Except, at this point, Emily wasn't certain that it would be accidental. Or too far.

The request for more was on the tip of her tongue, all she had to do was part her lips and let it slip out, and in this moment, she wasn't exactly sure what was stopping her. She knew there were reasons. There had to be reasons. But she couldn't remember a single one of them. As the pressure mounted inside her, and her stomach clenched and coiled and her walls fluttered and wetness pooled between her legs her thoughs were becoming fuzzy and unformed.

"Paige..." She let whatever she was about to say trail off, still uncertain was to whether it was a protest or a plea. Paige hummed softly against her neck, the vibrations reverbating through her, and she shivered at the sensation. Her hands worked steadily against Emily's nipples, pinching, tugging, squeezing. A distant corner of Emily's mind wondered how she was able to keep up the constant motion without her hands cramping up. But the thought was quickly chased away by the sheer pleasure coursing through her.

As amazing as the things Paige was doing to her body were, as lost as she was becoming in the feeling of Paige's hands on her breasts and her lips and tongue on her skin, she felt the loss of not being able to touch or kiss Paige as well. The hand in her hair and the grip on her thigh were not enough. She needed to be able to touch and hold and kiss Paige as well. She wanted to feel the weight of Paige's body pressing her down and run her hands across her skin and wrap her arms around her, pulling her close.

Emily knew she wasn't at her most clearheaded right now. And that maybe once she'd had a moment to breathe she would change her mind, but in this moment she felt like she was ready. Like she could trust her own body, which was telling her it wanted to experience intimacy with Paige. But that if anything more were to happen, they needed to discuss it, and take that step together.

She could ask for more now, and Paige would probably comply. But, she would feel guilty afterwards. She would feel like she pushed, or pressed her advantage, or that Emily was too caught up in the moment to know she could say no. And Emily didn't want to taint the experience with guilt and recriminations later.

If this was going to happen, and Emily was certain that she was ready for it, it needed to happen properly.

"Mmmm...Paige...wait. We need to...Stop." She pushed the word forcefully from her lips, knowing that was the only way she would get it out. It was a little too forcefully, perhaps, because Paige pulled her hands away as if burned, apologies immediately falling from her lips.

"Paige," Biting back a sigh Emily struggled to sit up so she could turn and face her. Paige's hands rested gingerly on her shoulders and propped her up, then pulled away as soon as she was up. Emily bit back a sigh and awkwardly swung around. The hangdog expression on Paige's face was enough to break Emily's heart.

"I'm sorry, Em," she whispered as soon as their eyes met, her words urgent and sincere. Her gaze dropped the moment she had finished speaking.

"Stop. No more apologies. You didn't do anything wrong." Emily reached up and cupped Paige's cheek. She used the touch to guide Paige's head back up. She ducked her head, forcing Paige's gaze. "You didn't do anything wrong," she reiterated. "You were doing everything right. A little too right, in fact."

Paige's eyes went wide at Emily's admission and Emily nodded as she watched the information sink in. She knew the moment it had when a smirk began to play at the corner of Paige's lips.

"Yeah, yeah, you're a regular Casanova." Emily rolled her eyes and shook her head. Her comment only made the proud smirk on Paige's face grow wider. "Right. So, do you want to sit here and continue feeling smug, or do you maybe want to take this upstairs to the bedroom where we have a little more room to maneuver?"

The bold statement had it's desired effect. Paige's eyes went wide once again and she made a soft, strangled sound in the back of her throat. For a moment Emily was worried she'd swallowed her tongue. Or had a stroke. Emily's amusement was probably the only thing keeping her from blushing or feeling embarrassed by what she had proposed.

But she reminded herself of Hannah's words. She reminded herself how she had felt, staring at her reflection in the mirror while wearing that lingere. Confident. Sexy. Like she was a desirable woman. And she realized she felt the same way a lot of the times when Paige looked at her. She knew the other woman took great pains not to make her uncomfortable by being overly sexual, but she couldn't disguise the glint of attraction in her eye sometimes. And, Emily had certainly been noticing Paige lately. Had been thinking about touching her, kissing her, what it would be like to be with her. It was time to stop overthinking things. Time to stop fighting herself and her body. Time to find the words to ask for what she wanted.

"I'm ready," she said, when Paige continued to sit there, looking stunned.

"Are you sure? Is this maybe just a reaction to our fight?"

Emily had expected a bit of pushback from Paige, and she couldn't exactly fault her for doubting her motives.

"The fight threw me, for sure. It showed me just how easily I could lose you by being thoughtless or carelss. But it also showed me I can't live without you. But, neither of those things have anything to do with the fact that I'm ready to take our relationship to the next level."

Emily noticed that she kept speaking in euphimisms, that she couldn't quite bring herself to say the word. Sex. She forced herself to think it. To face it. To own it. She wanted to have sex with Paige. The thought made her blush, but this time not in embarrasment or discomfort. No, this was an eager, anticipatory sort of blush. A heat that spread through her, followed closely by a shiver, as she contemplated the outcome of her words. She still couldn't bring herself to say it though. It sounded so clinical. So harsh.

Paige sat there, looking torn. As frustrating and nerve wracking as it was to have Paige be so unresponsive and unenthusiastic about her announcement, Emily understood. Emily knew Paige wanted too. Knew she had been holding herself back and trying not to push Emily for weeks now. She also knew that Paige wasn't entirely convinced that Emily was ready.

The past few weeks had been a lot to take in, and she knew Paige was still struggling to reconcile the relationship she and Emily had before the accident with the one they had now. It was perfectly understandable that Paige would have some hesitation in advancing their relationship.

Still cupping Paige's cheek she leaned forward and kissed her softly, slowly. "I want to be with you," she said as she pulled away. "But, I understand if you're not ready." She pulled her hand away and stood. "I'm going to go upstairs and give time to think about it. When you've made your decision, come find me. Please. Even if it's just to talk." She looked to Paige, ensuring that she understood her options.

Paige nodded, but didn't say anything. Emily smoothed a hand over the top of Paige's head and leaned down to press a kiss to her forhead before swinging around and making her way upstairs.


	35. Chapter 35

**Author's Note:** Y'all didn't really think I was going to make you wait all the way until next week to find out how their getting it on got on, did you? I'm not that cruel. I just had to finish writing this chapter. Fair warning folk, here be smut. I feel like there's been a lot of build up to this chapter, a lot of expectations surrounding their new first time. I hope that it lives up to the hype.

xoxox-Sam.

 **Chapter 35**

Despite Paige's uncertainty, Emily was pretty sure she knew what her final decision would be, so once she was alone in their room, she set to work getting ready. She kept an eye on the clock as she did so, and as the numbers slowly flipped past she began to doubt her certainty. While she hadn't expected Paige to immediately jump at her proposal, she hadn't expected her to take so long coming to her conclusion either. Slowly she paced the room, wondering if maybe she hadn't misread the situation. Maybe all those times Paige had pulled away it hadn't been because she was worried about pushing Emily too far. Maybe her frustration wasn't sexual, as Hannah had implied. Maybe there was more going on here that she was aware of. Perhaps Paige was more affected by the memory-loss version of Emily than she was letting on.

It took all of her willpower to remain upstairs rather than rushing down and demanding answers. But she kept up her steady pacing, slowly working her way back and forth across the room, until she heard the thud of footsteps on the stairs. From the rushed, heavy tread practically running up the stairs, she knew what Paige's decision was. She came to a stop in the middle of the room and turned to face the door, waiting.

She heard a scuffle as Paige stumbled, and a curse as she bumped into the wall and bit her lip against laughter, just barely managing to hold it in as Paige rushed through the door.

She skidded to a stop so quickly that Emily half expected to see a trail of smoke puff out from beneath her heels, the way it did in cartoons. Her jaw dropped and her eyes went wide as her gaze swept up and down Emily's body. Rather than feel selfconcious under Paige's unwavering, unabashed stare, Emily felt emboldened. She straigthened her stance, squaring her shoulders and thrusting her chest out slightly. The action did not go unnoticed by Paige, who's gaze zeroed in on the plunging edges of Emily's lacy purple bra.

She made a mental note to remember to thank Hannah for forcing her into trying it on, and urging her to buy it. It had seemed an insane idea at the time, but it was proving to be exactly what she needed, both then, and now.

"You seem awfully sure you know what my decision is," Paige said, slowly sidling closer, still looking Emily up and down.

"I know you," Emily said simply giving a little shrug.

"Oh, you think so?" Paige teased as she reached Emily, her hands drifting up to slide across her stomach and around her waist. "And you thought what, my attraction for you was so insatiable that there was only one possible outcome?"

Emily shivered at the touch. She dropped her gaze to watch Paige's pale hands smooth gently against her skin, goosebumps trailing behind the tips of her fingers.

"Was I wrong?" She raised her gaze to meet Paige's in challenge. She had known there was a possibility that Paige wouldn't believe she was ready and would talk herself out of letting this happen, but Emily was banking on the fact that Paige wanted this just as much as she did and wouldn't talk herself out of it.

Wordlessly, Paige shook her head. "God, Em. You look... When did you even get this? I know you didn't have it before..."

"When Hannah and I went shopping." She left her explanation simple, not wanting to get into the whole issue of her self-doubt and frustration. They would have to talk about it at some point, but not right now. "So, I take it you like it?"

"Uh-huh." Paige nodded again, though her attention didn't really seem to be on Emily's words. Her answer was somewhat absent minded as she continued to watch her hands as they moved across Emily's body. "You look amazing."

Emily was distracted by Paige's hands as well, and the small tremors their touch sent shooting up her spine. But, she didn't let it deter her from her goal.

"And you look a little overdressed." She tugged lightly at the hem of Paige's shirt, asking for permission to take it off. When Paige nodded faintly she gripped the material firmly and pulled it up and over Paige's head. Her hands dropped away from Emily's body only long enough to pass through the sleeves of the shirt, and then they were back again, tracing endless patterns across her stomach, sides and back. But even for those few seconds, Emily had missed the touch, had angled her body towards Paige's, pressing their hips together, seeking contact. They both let out a soft sigh as Paige's hands returned to her skin.

And this time, it was Emily's turn to stand and stare. The thick cotton of Paige's borrowed shirt had hid the fact that Paige wasn't wearing a bra. So now she stood before Emily, completely exposed from the waist up. It was the most Emily had ever seen of her and she was mezmerized. She couldn't peel her gaze away from the soft, supple looking breasts. Her skin was milky and smooth, completely unmarred with dusky rose nipples that were rapidly pebbling as they met the chill air of the room.

"My eyes are up here, Em," Paige teased lightly.

Emily snorted, keeping her eyes fixed firmly where they were. "I've seen your eyes before."

Paige huffed a laugh, her breasts shifting as her chest exapnded and contracted. Emily's fingers twitched where they rested on Paige's hips, and she fought the urge to let them inch upwards for a moment, before realizing that she didn't have to. She was allowed to touch.

It took every ounce of willpower she possessed not to rush. Not to simply reach up and grab a handful, but to let her hands slide slowly up Paige's sides until she reached Paige's breasts. She cupped them both, testing the weight and feel of them in her hands. They were firm, but pliable, she found as she manipulated them gently, which made Paige moan softly, her nails digging sharply into Emily's sides. And, much like when Paige had handled her breasts, she felt an increase in the throbbing between her legs as she kneaded and squeezed.

She stared down at her actions, watching the way her fingers moved across the pale skin. It felt something of an out of body experience, for there was a bit of disconnect between what she was watching and what she was doing. But, she couldn't seem to stop. She rolled her thumbs around the edges of Paige's nipples, then flicked across them, watching the way they shifted and bobbed beneath her touch. Paige let out a groan, a shudder passing through her as her hands slid around to the small of her back, fingers splaying out and pressing against her skin as soft moans and sighs fell from her lips.

Emily tore her gaze away from her hands to look at Paige's face. Her jaw was slack, and her eyes heavy-lidded and glassy, her gaze somewhat faraway. It struck Emily that Paige was just as aroused as she was. A little trill of pleasure flashed through her at the idea that she could turn Paige on as much as Paige's touch could affect her. It wasn't exactly a revelation. She'd been aware of the concept for some time now, but it was just freshly hiitting her. And for the first time the implications of that were truly settling in.

It was daunting. There was some degree of pressure there, in wanting to ensure she lived up to the Emily that Paige remembered. That she didn't come out lacking when it came to getting physical. But, there was also something freeing about it. She finally felt like she wasn't battling herself or rationalizing her thoughts or tempering her reactions..

In that vein she acted on impulse. Giving into her desires, she ducked her head and closed her lips around Paige's nipple and sucked, hard.

"Fuck, Em," Paige groaned. Her knees buckled and she toppled forward, sending them both stumbling. Luckily, the bed was only a few paces behind them They toppled onto it in a tangle of limbs, their foreheads crashing together as they landed.

Emily let out an oomph as the air was pressed out of her limbs and blinked dazedly, one hand coming up to rub at the sting on her forehead. Above her, Paige muttered a curse. For a long moment they lay there, silent and still, a tension hanging in the air between them, and then they both dissolved into laughter. Despite the fact that she was struggling to draw air into her lungs around her laughter, Emily felt like she could breath for the first time since things had gotten heated. The heavy, expectant feeling that had been clawing at her chest had disappeared, leaving her feeling light and airy.

"I know you probably think it's romantic, to recreate our first time," Paige said as she pushed herself up so she was kneeling above Emily, straddling her waist. "But, I can do without the concussion."

Emily was still winded from the collision, and the sight of Paige kneeling over her, clad only in a pair of jeans that were a couple sizes to big and slipping down her waist did nothing to ease the feeling. "Sorry," she mumbled, sitting up and reaching out to smooth her finger along the furrow in Paige's forehead, wincing a little at the red mark already starting to form up. She had a feeling it was going to leave a bruise. And she was probably going to be sporting a matching one. That was going to be fun to explain. Her lips twitched up in a grin at the thought.

"Oh yeah, you look really sorry," Paige grumped, though the amusement flashing in her eyes belied her words.

"C'mere, let me show you how sorry I am." Emily slid her hand to the back of Paige's neck and tugged. Paige came forward willingly and met Emily's lips in a rough, eager kiss. Her tongue slipped into Emily's mouth, searching and exploring its depths.

Their lips parted on an uneven breath, and Emily turned her head, pressing her lips against the side of Paige's neck. She nipped and flicked her tongue across Paige's skin, trying to find all the little spots that made her shiver and moan. She found one at the base of her throat, in the little hollow. She pressed her tongue into it and felt Paige's pulse jump. A small groan fall from her lips and her head lolled back, exposing even more of her neck for Emily's exploration.

Her skin was hot beneath Emily's lips, tasting of salt and something intangible but sweet. Apple, maybe. Or melon. The combination unfamiliar, which she attributed to the body wash or soap Paige had used while borrowing Spencer's shower, but not entirely unpleasant. She hummed softly as it tingled across her lips and tongue, lapping it up.

Paige's hands slid up her back, nails dragging across her skin and her hips began to rock subtly against Emily's lap. The rough denim of her jeans creating just a hint of friction and the dull ache between her legs grew into an insistant throbbing.

Emily worked her way across the top of Paige's chest before dipping her head and closing her lips around Paige's nipple. She sucked, hard and flicked her tongue back and forth across the hardened bud. Paige's hips jerked and her head fell forward, her forehead coming to rest against Emily's shoulder.

"Fuck, Em," she panted into the side of her neck, her finger digging almost painfully into Emily's back, just below her shoulderblades. Emily smiled proudly at the reaction, suddenly understanding the smug smirks that Paige had continuosly sported whenever she realized she had turned Emily on. It was a bit of a power trip, she unabashedly acknowledged, repeating the action in search of a similar result.

She was not dissapointed. Paige's hips jerked again and she uttered a soft groan, her fingers clutching convulsively at Emily's back. She worked one breast and then released it with a pop and turned her head to give some attention to the other. She took her time, alternating between them as Paige writhed and moaned above her.

Until, apparently, Paige had had enough of being worked up as Emily experimented and took control. A low growl rumbled in ther throat as she thread her fingers in Emily's hair and eased her head up. She captured her lips in a deep, rough kiss, before pulling back and guiding Emily up the bed until she was resting with her head against the pillows with Paige hovering over her.

She held her weight on her hands and caught Emily's eye. Her gaze was heavy-lidded and dark, her pupils fully blown, and there was an intensity to it that made Emily shiver, in the most delicious way. Slowly, Paige lowered herself down, her bodly sliding into place against Emily's. The feeling of Paige's bare skin against her own was more exquisiite than Emily had ever imagined. She had come to enjoy, to crave even, the feel of Paige above her, the warmth and weight of her pressing her down into the mattress but this was something else. An experience on a whole other plane. Her eyes fluttered shut at the sensation as she wound her arms around Paige's back, securing her in place.

They fit together like puzzle pieces, breasts pressing together, stomach touching, hips bumping and the final piece, Paige's leg slid securely between her own, her thigh applying direct pressure for the first time and it was enough to drive Emily wild.

Her stomach dipped and her hips rocked up, seeking more contact. Paige rocked her hips back down, driving her thigh directly into Emily's center. She gasped loudly at the fluttery feelling that coarsed through her and repeated the action. The two of them settling into an easy rhythm as Paige dipped her head and captured Emily's lips in a deep, probing kiss. Her tongue pulsed in and out of Emily's mouth in time with press of her hips.

It was the hottest, most erotic thing Emily had ever experienced, and it stole the breath from her lungs and left her quivering beneath Paige.

Soft sighs and moans filled the air whenever they parted for a breath, and then were masked as their lips fused back together. Emily let out a whimper of protest when Paige pulled back to take a ragged breath, and didn't return. Only to let out another whimper, this time of pleasure, as Paige's lips latched onto her throat and began hotly working their way down.

She felt Paige's fingers moving across her shoulders but didn't register their activity until she felt a rush of warm air followed closely by the gentle scrape of teeth against her nipple. She realized that Paige had removed her bra, sliding the straps down her shoulders and exposing her breasts to her lip and tongue.

She gasped at the sensation of Paige's teeth worrying the sensitive bud between her teeth and flicking it rapidly with her tongue, white-hot arousal shooting straight through her to her core. And she gasped again when Paige pulled back and blew lightly against her nipple and arched her back, thrusting her chest up towards Paige's mouth.

Only to collapse back to the mattress in dissapointment when Paige's lips didn't return to her breast, but instead pressed a kiss to the top of her ribcage. Her dissapointment was short-lived however, as Paige shifted down the bed, kissing a path down her ribs and across the top of her stomach.

Emily's muscles twitched under the feather light press of lips, the feeling akin to be ticklish, but not quite. She lifted herself up on her elbows so she could peer down her body, watching Paige's tongue trace the contours of her abdomen-not quite as defined as Paige's own but still rather impressive if she said so herself. Gooesbumps erupted in the wake of her sweeping lips and tongue.

It wasn't until Paige's hands slid down her sides and came to rest on her hips, finger curling around the elastic waistband of her lace panties that Emily realized her intentions.

Her breath caught in her throat and her stomach dipped in anticipation. As Paige glanced up confirming that it was okay, Emily parted her legs and lifted her hips. The gesture was mostly involuntary, her body acting on it's own accord, but that didn't make it any less an act of permission, of request.

Paige slowly pulled the lace down over her hips, her gaze trained so intently on the space between Emily's legs that Emily would have felt vulnerable, exposed, if not for the overwhelming arousal thrumming through her body. Her pulse pounded loudly in her ears and her breath kept catching in her throat as she watched Paige's hands slidely slowly back up her legs before coming to rest on her upper thighs, her fingers curling around them lightly and parting them further.

Her stomach dipped and churned as Paige leaned in. Her hair fell forward, in front of her face, the ends of it tickling Emily's inner thighs and she whimpered slightly as the feeling skittered up her spine. Paige released her grip on one of Emily's legs and halted her descent long enough to tuck her hair behind her ear and then she was back in postion, holding Emily's gaze as her tongue flicked out for her first taste.

They both moaned at that first contact, and then Paige dove in in earnest, her tongue sweeping against Emily in firm, broad strokes. The feeling was indescribable. It filled her head with static and sent fire coursing throug her.

Her arms grew shaky and then gave out. She collapsed onto the mattress with a wordless cry, unable to do anything but lie there, eyes screwed tightly closed, and feel.

"Fuck, Em. I've missed how you taste," Paige moaned against her, the vibrations rocketing through her.

Her skin prickled and burned, feeling like it was too tight for her frame as fever tore through her. Sparks swirled across her vision and a hollow, pitted feeling filled her chest.

It seemed like Paige's tongue was everywhere, flicking, flitting, swirling Her mouth was hot and insistant. And it was driving Emily wild. She couldn't keep her hips still, they were writhing so much that she almost dislodged Paige more than once, and she had to keep increasing her grip.

She didn't think that she could feel any more. That it could get any more intense. And then Paige entered her. Her tongue slid inside, pushing forcefully past Emily's swollen, throbbing walls. It was the most incredible feeling. Even better than the dreams, better than the fantasies, better than anything Emily had ever done for herself. It all paled in comparison to the real thing.

"Paige..." she whined, her hips twisting and rolling in rythmn with Paige's thrusts as she pressed in and out. "Oh. That feels so good. Paige.." It was overwhelming. It was too much. And she couldn't get enough.

Her breath hitched, then caught in her throat and her body arched up off the bed one final time, her muscles tensing, and then trembling as her mind fractured and she came undone.

When she came back to herself, Paige was on her side, head propped up on one hand, watching over her. Her free hand was smoothing soothing circles across her abdomen.

"Hey."

Emily lolled her head towards the direction of Paige's voice and offered up a lazy smile. She knew that she must look half-dazed and dopey but she couldn't help it. She felt like warm and sleepy and sated, as if had just roused from a comfortable nap and like she had shotgunned a can of red-bull simultaneously. Her limbs felt heavy and fuzzy, and yet she was practically buzzing with energy. She was still trying to wrap her mind around what they had just done, but it was the most amazing feeling. She stared up at Paige and felt her heart swell with love and affection.

"Hey," she whispered back, her voice cracking. She swallowed hard, trying to clear her throat, which felt parched.

"How are you feeling? Are you okay?"

Emily nodded, not trusting her voice wouldn't give out on her again and fought to raise her arm, which lay, feeling leaden at her side. It jerked, uncoordinately as she lifted it, and when she tried to cup Paige's cheek and draw her in for a kiss, she ended up almost smacking her in the face.

"Sorry," she muttered, finally getting her errant limb under control and stroking the side of Paige's face. Paige leaned into the touch, her hand coming up to cup Emily's hand, guiding it's motions so she wouldn't accidently poke out an eye.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Paige asked again, her brow furrowing in concern.

"Fan-fucking-tastic," Emily drawled, her voice still low and hoarse. She grinned up at Paige, who chuckled lightly. "That was..." Her hand fell away from Paige's face, her arm too tired to remain extended.

"Fan-fucking-tasting?" Paige teased, a smile starting to play at the corners of her lips. "A little worn out, are you?" Her smile turned smug, and Emily would have chastised her for it if not for the fact that it was totally, and completely, deserved. If Paige was feeling a little self-satisfied at the moment, she had earned it. Because Emily was still feeling little tremors coursing through her and she hadn't entirely recovered from the things Paige had done to her body.

Oh, God, the things Paige had done to her body. Despite the intensity of the orgasm that had washed over her, Emily felt a spike of arousal remembering the feel of Paige's hands on her, her lips on her, the way her tongue had moved inside her, the way Paige's moans of appreciate had rippled through her center.

Then, she thought about the things she had done to Paige's body. The way she had touched her breasts for the first time. How she had held them in her hands. The way she had kissed them with her mouth. The tang of Paige's skin against her tongue. The feel of her body moving over her. The twitching of muscles beneath her fingertips as she'd run her hands along her back, stomach and sides.

It had been the single most amazing experience in her life. And, it wasn't even finished yet. It occured to her that she hadn't gotten to complete her exploration of Paige's body. She was lying, completely naked and exposed, while Paige was still in her borrowed jeans, bare only from the waist up.

And, while that view was pretty damn amazing, Emily acknowledged, letting her gaze wander across Paige's torso, it wasn't the full picture. Her heat slammed rapidly, almost painfully, against her ribcage, as she acknowledged that she wanted the full picture. She wanted the full experience.

As amazing as it was, the things Paige had done to her, for her, it didn't entirely fullfill the desire that had been increasingly building within her for days, maybe even weeks now. Sure, her fantasies might have been about Paige touching and kissing her, but that didn't mean she wasn't equally interested in touching and kissing Paige. She'd gotten a glimpse at one half of the equation, and she wanted the rest of it.

She glanced back up at Paige, who was staring lovingly back down at her, the smug smile having faded into one of contenment as her hand went back to tracing soothing circles across Emily's stomach. When she caught Emily's eye, her gaze light up, the smile brightening. Emily's own lips turned up automatically.

She thought it was sweet, and totally Paige, to give Emily what she'd desired and not ask for anything for herelf in return, to not seem to expect any kind of reciprocation, but Emily knew that the arousal had to be driving her nuts.

Pushing herself up on one shoulder, Emily rolled onto her side as best she could. The position was uncomfortable, it pulled the still tender and healing muscles in her side and it put pressure on her ankle, even with the cast, but she ignored the faint twinges of discomfort in favor of now being able to lie face to face with Paige.

She slung one arm around her waist and leaned in, capturing her lips in a deep, probing kiss. She slid her tongue along Paige's bottom lip, seeking entrance, and slipped inside when Paige's lips parted, granting it with a soft sigh.

Emily kissed her slowly, until her lungs started to burn from the lack of oxygen and spots danced across her vision. Even then, she inhaled sharply through her nose, prolonging the kiss until the need for air became greater than the need to kiss Paige, to explore the depths of her mouth with her tongue and see how many moans and sighs she could elicit. She pulled away with a gasp, the action not quite involuntary, but definitely not the choice she would have took two quick, rapid breaths, and then leaned back in again for a series of light, teasing pecks before another deep, breath stealing kiss.

"Em..."Paige moaned softly against her mouth as she returned the pressure, a soft groan following as Emily's tongue flicked against her own. Her arm slid from Emily's stomach to her hip, and then around to the small of her back, fingers spreading and pressing into the skin there.

Emily wrapped her own arm more firmly around Paige's waist and shifted closer, feeling the botton on Paige's jeans rub against her, making her hips jump, and reminding her that once again Paige was overdressed and it Emily was going to have her way with her, that just wouldn't do.

She slid her hand back across Paige's hip and down between them. Her fingers fumbled with the button, but either the angle was wrong or she just wasn't coordinated enough in her eagerness.

Paige, of course, was offering absolutely no assistance, her fervrent kisses a distraction, as was the way her fingers slid back and forth across the small of Emily's back.

"Paige..." she whined, giving the waistband of her jeans a tug and shifting as best she could so she could use both hands. Paige still didn't break the kiss, but shifted her away, just a little. Giving Emily some, but not enough, leverage. It was still awkward, but she managed to get the button unpopped and pull down the zipper. That still left her with the task of working Paige's jeans down her hips. She tried to peel the material down, but it just got all bunched up.

"You're going to have to help me out here." She pulled away from the kiss long enough to pant much to Paige's displeasure. Emily gave Paige's jeans another tug for emphasis. Paige let out a whine of protest and swooped back in for a quick, hard kiss, before rolling onto her back to shimmy out of her jeans.

It was not the most graceful Emily had ever seen her. She shifted and writhed, grunting softly at the effort as she forced the coarse material down her body, the baggy fit and the sheets beneath them causing the jeans to bunch and tangle. Her own impatience to shed the garment hindering her process.

Despite all this, Emily was mesmerized. She lay on her side, watching as inch by inch, Paige's body was exposed to her. First came the curve of her hip, and then the firm, round slope of her ass, followed agonizingly slowly by the soft, silky skin of her upper thighs. Her gaze wandered across the milky white skin, enjoying the way the muscles shifted and flexed as she pushed the jeans down to her knees and then kicked them the rest of the way down her legs.

Unable to help herself, Emily reached out and stroked the top of Paige's thigh, realizing too things at once. The first is that the skin, while appearing to be smooth was actually a rough patchwork of thin, rough scars, faded silvery white and blending into to skin around them. The second was that Paige was now lying beside her, completely naked. The jeans had come off, and she was not wearing any underwear.

"Wait a sec. Were you going commando in borrowed jeans? In Toby's jeans?"

"What?" Paige turned to look at her as if she were crazy. "No. I had on boxers. They came off when the jeans did."

"Borrowed boxers?"

"Gross. No. My own. There was a clean pair in my gym bag, in the car."

"Oh. Okay." Emily nodded.

"Did you really think I would borrow someone else's underwear?"

"I don't know. You borrowed Toby's clothes, what else was I supposed to think?"

"That the only other thing in my gym bag was a swim suit and some sweaty workout clothes?"

"Okay. I'm sorry." Emily waved a hand in surrender. "Excuse me for not knowing what you keep in the trunk of your car. And, why are we even talking about this, anyway?" she asked. "Weren't we in the middle of something a little more important?"

"You're the one who brought it up."

"Oh. Right. Whatever." Emily propped herself up on one elbow and peered down the length of Paige's body, her gaze darting towards, and then away, from the space betwen her legs.

This was the most she'd seen of Paige, of anyone really and she was curious, but not entirely sure if it was polite to look. And even if it were, surely, it wouldn't be polite to stare, which she was having a hard time not doing.

Emily's gaze darted up to Paige's face, and she caught her looking back, lips pursed in amusement. A blush heat Emily's cheeks and she ducked her head, only to snap it back up a moment later when she realized where that lead her line of sight. She couldn't tear her gaze away for more than a few seconds though.

Paige chuckled spread her legs a little. When she glanced back up again, Paige had folded her hands behind her head and was reclining against the pillows, a picture of relaxation. It made Emily feel better to see that Paige was not upset with her poorly disguised scrutiny.

She leaned in closer to get a better view, and licked her lips at the sight of Paige's center, bare except for a small patch of curls right at the apex of her thighs. She was pink and swollen, and glistening with moisture. Before Emily had even realized she was doing it, her hand reached out and she swirled a finger through the folds.

Paige hummed softly and her legs twitched, then parted even further in obvious invitation, which Emily eagerly took. She repeated the action, watching the way the moisture coated over her finger. Paige inhaled sharply, her stomach going almost concave. And Emily halted her movements at the reaction, remembering belatedly that Paige was not just an experiment subject. She had been infinitely patient so far in allowing Emily to discover and explore her sexuality and her attraction, and it wasn't really fair of Emily to poke and prod at her like she were a toy she was still figuring out how to use.

She stilled her hand, cupping Paige's center as she leaned up and pressed a soft, thankful kiss to her lips, and then she began to knead her slowly, grinding the heel of her hand where she hoped Paige's clit would be. If the way Paige's hips jerked beneath her touch, she had gotten the placement right. She increased her pressure as she deepened the kiss. Paige moaned loudly as her hips began to rock.

Emily started to move her fingers again, this time with more purpose, stroking firmly along Paige's length. They sluiced through the wetness gathered there and pressed against the edges of Paige's outer walls.

Emily had only ever touched herself down there a couple times. It felt familiar, but not quite the same. For one thing, the angle was different. For another, despite the throbbing ache and wetness that abounded between her own legs, she couldn't gauge the force and speed of her touch on Paige the way she could on herself. She only had instinct to go on. And, the movements and sounds that Paige was making.

And, if those sounds were any indication, Paige was either in intense distress, or intese pleasure. Her hips shifted restlessly beneath Emily's touch and soft groans and sighs fell continuously from her lips. She hadn't asked Emily to stop, or instructed her differently, so Emily could only assume it was pleasure, and continued.

The kiss grew sloppy as Emily found it hard to divide her attention between two tasks. She eventually let her head drop into the crook of Paige's neck as she shifted the position of her hand, placing her thumb firmly against Paige's clit and sliding two fingers inside.

She felt Paige's walls flutter and push back, resisting the intrusion, and just when she thought that maybe she was doing something wrong, they gave way and Emily found herself engulfed in silken warmth and wetness of Paige's most intimate place.

She had a split second of "oh my God, what am I doing" that quickly morphed into "oh my God, I can't believe I'm doing this," in the best possible sense. It was a giddy, heady sensation and for a moment she was dumbstruck by it.

"Em.."Paige panted, her voice hoarse and desperate.

"Hmmm?" she hummed, distracted by the overwhelmingness of the moment.

"Em." Her tone was more insistent this time.

"What?" She pulled back to peer down at Paige, smiling a little as she found her to be both adorably sexy lying there with her eyes heavy-lidded and half closed, brow furrowed, bottom lip caught beneath her top teeth.

"Move," Paige panted.

Startled, Emily started to pull back in concern, only to have Paige reach down and grip her wrist, her hold superhumanly strong as she held her hand in place, tucked deep between her legs.

"I mean, move your hand," she whined, her hips writhing.

Emily let out a starteld laugh as she realized that while she had been marveling in the momentousness of this occsasion, Paige had been going crazy. "Sorry." She pressed a kiss to Paige's forehead and then began to move her fingers, slowly at first, getting a feel for it, and then increasing in force, and speed, at Paige's breathlessly gasped encouragments.

Paige's walls fluttered and shifted around her fingers, the feeling indescribable and addictive. She couldn't get enough of the way Paige's body rocked under her ministrations, or the strained cies that tore from Paige's lips, or how close, how connected she felt to Paige in this moment.

Her hand thread into Emily's hair as her hips bucked a little higher of the bed and the pitch of her moans changed, becoming lower and more gutteral. Emily didn't know how she knew, but she knew that Paige was close. It was becoming harder and harder to thrust into Paige, her walls clenching tighter and taking longer to give way.

She raised her head from where it had fallen back against Paige's shoulder, wanting to watch her face as she made her come for the first time. (Or at least, the first time she could remember.)

Her fingers were cramping and her wrist was growing sore from the angle, but Emily added a bit more force to her thrusts, pushed a little deeper, pressed a little harder. Paige's hips arched up off the bed and hung, still for a minute in mid air, and then fell back to the mattress with a thud, tremors wracking her entire body.

Her eyes fluttered shut and her jaw went slack. Her throat worked but no sound passed her lips. Emily watched her eyes roll back in her head, beneath her lashes, and her stomach dip as her breath caught, and then was released with sigh.

She wasn't sure whether to stop, or keep going, so she slowed the movements of her hand, pumping in and out gently as Paige's walls continued to flutter and tremble against her, until finally Paige lay still on the mattress, her entire body covered in a sheen of sweat, her skin a dusty pink and her chest heaving as she struggled to catch her breath. Slowly, she pulled out, and after wiping her hand on the sheet, wrapped an arm around Paige's waist and lay, propped up on her side, gazing lovingly down on her as she recovered.


	36. Chapter 36

Guest Yeah. Where would the girls be if not for Hannah.

Guest I'm glad you liked it.

Guest Thank you. I'm glad I could make your day a little more awesome. lol. Yeah, Paige is a little bit like a teenage boy when it comes to Em. However unlike most teenage boys, it's actually kind of sweet when she does it.

Guest I'm glad I could brigthen your day.

Nyxxyn They both, especially Emily, tried hard to be adult about things. And, it was a pretty bit step for Em to admit to her desires, and then back off and let Paige come to her own conclusions. Even if she did believe she knew what that conclusion would be. I'm glad that you liked the second chapter, their "first" time.

EP It took awhile, but they eventually got there.

Guest I could never be that mean. I thought about. But I wouldn'tt have been able to follow through.

Viviann I know how you feel. There's definitely not been enough Paily on the show, and I miss seeing them together.

 **Author's Note:** Trigger warning for this chapter-there's some talk about self harm. Nothing too detailed or graphic but it comes up.

 **Chapter 36**

"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm glad that we had this little talk," Paige said softly into the sort of sleepy silence that had settled between them.

Emily huffed a laugh against Paige's shoulder. "If that's what happens when we fight, I think we should fight more often."

Paige chuckled softly. "I think that might actually kill us. Though, what a way to go."

Emily hummed softly in agreement as she propped herself up on one elbow so she could peer down at her girlfriend.

All joking aside, Emily was glad that Paige had decided to take the day of work so they could get things settled and have a conversation that was probably long overdue.

"It's not going to cause you any problems at work, is it? Calling in so soon after taking so much time off?"

Paige's eyes fluttered open as she felt the bed shift with Emily's movements and grinned up at her, her entire face lighting up in what could only be described as childish delight and wonder. Emily felt her lips turn up in an answering smile, one that she hoped displayed the love and affection she felt for Paige, not just in the moment, but always. Though, the feelings certainly seemed to be bubbling to the surface right now. After what they had shared, she felt closer to Paige than she could have ever imagined.

She leaned down and kissed Paige softly, almost chastely, before pulling back and propping herself back up on one elbow. Paige's smile, already impossibly wide, grew even further.

Emily chuckled when she realized that Paige hadn't even heard the question. Since Paige didn't seem concerned about her absense from work, Emily wasn't going to worry about it either.

"What?"

"What, what?"

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing," Emily said with a gentle shake of her head. "I'm just...really happy right now."

She was still marveling over the events of that morning. A part of her couldn't believe what had transpired. She had had sex for the first time (that she remembered anyway) and it had been amazing. It hadn't been anything that she'd feared it would be and had been so much more than she had expected. It wasn't about the physical side of it, about feeling good, although that certainly was a major factor. There was an emotional element to it. She'd heard all about how important it was to wait for the right person and how sex changed you. But, she'd always thought that was just scare tactic. Something parents told their kids to prevent someone from accidently getting knocked up. As she'd discovered today, it was true. She felt like something had shifted, inside her. As if some chasm had opened and now everything she felt was deeper, more intense.

The other part of her was just really giddy, almost ridiculously happy and amped up and buzzed and excited. And really, really wanted to do it again. Her dreams and fantasies and experiments had not prepared her for how good it would actually feel. How amazing the whole experience was. Or how addicting the feeling would be. Even though she was sleepy and sated, she was ready to go again.

"Yeah?" Paige asked, her voice low but slightly rough.

"Yeah," Emily confirmed, confusion washing over her as she watched Paige's expression slowly morph from overjoyed to pensive, and slightly sad. "Paige?" she cupped Paige's cheek and used her thumb to wipe away the tears that slowly trickled across her skin.

Her heart jumped into her throat and her stomach dropped, suddenly feeling like it was weighed down with stones at the thought that maybe Paige wasn't as pleased about what they had done. Was she regretting her decision? Had Emily misread her intentions when she'd come upstairs?

"Sorry," Paige blinked rapidly against the tears. "Sorry. I'm just...I never thought I would get to be with you like this again." She turned wide, doleful eyes to Emily. "I tried, so hard, to be strong for you. To be what you needed but..."

"I know." Emily soothed her hand across Paige's cheek. "You were there for me, every step of the way. Even when I didn't actuall want you to be."

Paige chuckled through her tears.

"And I can't imagine how hard that must have been for you. But, I'm glad that you were able to push aside whatever hurt and pain and anger you were feeling and do it. Because, that is a huge part of why we are here, right now."

Emily had been so angry, so resentful of not just the accident but of Paige and what felt like the ton of expectation put on her to be greatful or thankful or whatever, for the devotion that Paige had shown her while she recovered. If Paige had handled the situation any differently, if she had pushed back or gotten angry or tried to fight with Emily over it, Emily knew that the course of their relationship would have gone much differently. She would have resented Paige even more and lashed out even harder and definitely would not have allowed her into her life in any capacity.

She would have denied them both the opportunity to fall back in love again.

"I fell in love with you for a second time," Emily said. "And I don't know if that's fate or destiny or just dumb luck, but it never would have happened if you hadn't been exactly who you are."

Paige shot her a watery smile, and lapsed into silence once again. Emily gave her a a few minutes to process her thoughts, but refused to let her dwell.

She raised her hand to Paige's forehead and traced her finger along the edges of the bruise that was already beginning to form. "That's going to leave a mark."

She felt bad for injuring Paige, even if it was inadvertently. But, she was also amused that Paige was no sporting a sex injury. And she wondered if she was going to cover it up, or wear it proudly. Would she make up a story of where it came from, or blush and duck her head when asked?

"That's not going to be the only one," Paige said and Emily stared at her for a moment, not comprehending. Paige smirked up at her, and then flicked her gaze down. Emily's eyes widened as realization set in. She dropped her gaze, letting it wander over Paige's body. Paige laughed when Emily gave a small gasp as she noticed the smattering of red marks that were rapidly darkening across Paige's neck and torso. There was an especially large one surrounding her left nipple. She had never given anyone a hickey before. And as she stared at them she felt a mixture of embarrassment and pride.

Emily didn't know whether to apologize, or gloat. She'd heard locker room talk about how hickies were childish and lame, but she'd also heard girls exclaiming over marking their boyfriends. And that was when she was in middle school and high school. Now she was an adult, and she had no idea how they were viewed.

Paige didn't seem concerned. In fact, she seemed kind of amused, so Emily decided not to let it bother her. It didn't stop her from being curious about them though. Unable to help herself she, lowered her hand from Paige's head to her chest and circled the bruise on her breast. Paige shiviered lightly at the touch and reached up to grasp her hand. She pulled it away and laced their fingers together, then rested their joined hands on their stomach. She felt a little thrill at the evidence of how her touch affected Paige. And also dissappointment that Paige didn't seem inclined to go again right now.

The newly formed markings also reminded her of the older ones she's felt on Paige's body. Gently she extracted her hand from Paige's grasp and let it drift down to the top of her thigh.

"Do you want to tell me about these?" she asked softly as she traced the rough edges of her skin. She had a pretty good idea of where they had come from, but she was curious as to whether or not Paige would open up about them.

"Em..."

"You don't have to. I just want you to know that if you do, you can. I'm here fo you."

"I know." Once again Paige reached for her hand and pulled it away from her body. This time she brought it to her lips and brushed a kiss across Emily's knuckles before releasing it.

It occured to Emily that they had talked extensively about her past and their past, but that Paige very rarely talked about herself. She knew very little about what Paige had been like in high-school, unless it was directly related to their relationship. She didn't know anything about her family or the friends that she'd had.

"They're from before I met you. And, I guess they're a part of the things I didn't want to tell you about while you were recovering and regaining your memories in case they scared you away. Or changed your mind about me."

"Nothing you tell me is going to change my mind about you," Emily said firmly. "I love you. You're stuck with me."

"I guess if anything should have taught me that, it would be an accident and amnesia, huh?"

"Exactly."

"I love you too."

"Flattery will get you everywhere," Emily said, giving Paige a playful smile. "But, don't use it to change the subject. If you don't want to talk about it, just tell me you don't want to talk about it. I won't press."

"It's not that I don't want to. It's just hard."

"Take your time. I'm not going anywhere." Emily thought it might be easier for Paige to open up if she wasn't staring directly at her. A lot of their more revealing conversations had taken place while they were lying together, speaking in whispers into to the room around them. So she lowered herself down to lie beside Paige, her head resting on her shoulder, her arm draped across her stomach. She splayed her hand along the curve of Paige's hips and stroked softly, hopefully soothingly.

Paige's arm circled around her waist, pulling Emily tight against her body and she let out a soft sigh of contentment as she burrowed in. Emily wans't sure if that meant she was gearing up to start talking or was simply settling in, but she kept her word and didn't press. Instead she continued her gentle stroking and let herself be lulled the the stong, steady beat of Paige's heart and her even breathing.

It felt odd that she wasn't self-conscious about her nakedness. Or, cold. But with Paige's body pressed against her own, she felt both warm and cozy and at ease. Content to just lie here quietly, if that was what Paige wanted to do. She turned her head slightly and pressed a kiss to her collarbone.

"I started towards the end of eight grade," Paige began softly, her voice a low rumble beneath Emily's ear. "I think even back then I was starting to realize I wasn't like the other girls in my class. I didn't have crushes on boys or swoon when some popular jock talked to me. And a part of me though, well it's just because these boys are my friends, y'know? I was athletic. And always got along better with the guys than the girls. So I was around them all the time, I thought nothing of it one of them asked to sit with me at lunch or borrow a pen, or whatever it was that had all the other girls in the class screetching about in the bathroom."

Emily chuckled softly, because she remembered those days. She remembered feigning interest in her friends crushes, when she really didn't understad it. But, she also remembered feeling butterflies in her stomach when a boy talked to her or smiled at her. Now, she realized that was more from the excitement of being noticed than a reciprocation of the attraction. But, she felt a little sad that Paige hadn't even gotten to experience that.

"But then, the boys started to notice the girls as well. And suddenly our lunch time basketball games or after school video game playing got taken over by talk of who was pretty or cute."

"Wait, so guys really talk about girls? The way girls talk about guys?"

"Not in exactly the same way. There's less squealing and giggling, more arm punching and "dude." But yeah, guys talk about girls. And as the guys started talking about who had grown a huge rack over spring break or hadn't worn a bra to gym class-"

"Seriously? Gross."

Paige's chest rumbled with laughter.

"And as the guys were talking about this stuff, I was sitting there realizing I was noticing the same things."

"Aww." Emily rubbed her side in sympathy. She could only imagine how scary that must have been. How tricky a situation Paige must have been in.

"And for awhile I told myself it was just the normal comparisons, y'know? Like, is she prettier than me? Is her body better than mine?"

Emily nodded, she understood perfectly because she had made the same excuses.

"But even though I didn't want to admit it, I think there was a part of me that knew it was more than that. And, it was around this time that my dad started to really get on my case. He kept going on about my grades and how high school was so much harder and if I didn't do well I wouldn't be able to take part in the Rosewood athletics program. There was just all this pressure."

Emily nodded, though she didn't really have a frame of reference for that sort of parental interference. Her parents had supported her interests but never pushed. It didn't matter if she was the strongest swimmer or the best dancer or got the highest marks in the class. As long as she tried her best they were happy.

"Then one day I accidently cut myself making a snack. Nothing major, just a knick on my finger. And as I stood there, watching the blood start to well up and then trickle down, I don't even know how to describe it. It was like a moment of calm. Or something. So the next time my dad got on my case and my head got all cloudy with thoughts about boys and crushes and girls, I took a razor and I made a cut. I started off small at first. A few shallow lines. But after awhile, it started to take deeper, longer cuts to get that same feeling."

Emily's heart ached at the thought of Paige feeling so bad about herself, so uncertain about things that she resorted such extremes. It was hard to imagine. Paige had talked a bit about how things had been difficult for her in her early teen years but Emily's had no idea it had been that bad.

"One day, I went too deep and I just kept bleeding and bleeding. I didn't think I was ever going to stop. It scared me. And I managed to stop for awhile. Then there was everything I told you about with those senior girls from swimming. It brought it all back up again. I was afraid that someone would notice the cuts though. Those swim suits really don't leave much to the imagination."

"They really don't." Emily didn't remember competing the way Paige did, but she did remember how revealing a one-piece bathing suit could be

"So, I started to find other ways. Crashing my bike or my skateboard. Bare knuckle boxing the heavy weight in the basement until my hands were split and bloodied. I got real aggressive on the field in hockey and soccer because it would usually lead to a brawl."

This image Paige was creating was so at odds with the woman who had been so strong and steady and supportive over the past few weeks. It made it hard to Emily to wrap her mind around what Paige was describing.

"So, what changed?"

"I faced the feelings that were eating me up inside. I worked at not letting the pressure my dad put on me get to me. Eventually I came out, which after the intial shock actually eased the relationship between us. I started to like who I was, I guess."

"So you don't ever feel the need to..."

"No. And I haven't for a very long time."

That was a small relief at least.

'Did I know about all this, before?"

"We talked about it some, yeah. The scars were already pretty faded, but more obvious than they are now. We had a conversation a lot like this after our first time."

"Really?"

"Yeah. You made me promise never to hurt myself again. And if I ever got the urge to call you."

"And did you?"

"Have the urge? Maybe a few times. Did I do anything about it? No."

"Did you call me?"

Paige's silence was all the answer Emily needed.

"Why not?"

"At the time, I didn't want you to see me as weak. Or pathetic. Or more drama than you could handle. So I kept it to myself. But, I was pretty much over it by that point anyway."

"I wish you had told me."

"I'm tellling you now, doesn't that count for anything?"

Emily pretended to think about it, and Paige scoffed, feigning indignation. Emily tried to hold a serious expression, but she was just too giddy, to amped up on adrenalline and emotions and it didn't take long before she dissolved into laughter. With Paige following a second later.

She wasn't trying to make light of what Paige had gone though. She knew it was a serious issue she had faced and that it took a lot for her to open up about it. But, she also knew that it wasn't something Paige would want to dwell on, or have Emily make a big deal of. And for her part, Emily hard garnered the information she had needed. Namely, that her accident hadn't caused Paige to relapse. With everything that had happened, and how much of the past they had been rehasing, it would be understandable it old feelings got drudged up, but despite how hard things had been lately, Paige seemed to be well adjust and solid. Which was a relief.

And, the revelations about her past put some other things into perspective for Emily. For one thing, it might be an explanation for how easily Paige dismissed Emily's scars. It's not that she didn't see them, or take note of them, but like her own scars, they were evidence of strength and survival.

Slowly, they sobered, the mood slipping into an odd, sort of sombre feel, which didn't really fit with how momentous the day had been.

"I know it had to have been hard for you, sharing that," Emlily said, snuggling into Paige's side. "But thank you, for trusting me with it.. I love you."

"I love you too." Paige turned her head, and met her lips with a soft, sweet kiss, which Emily pulled back from with a contented sigh, and settled her head back against Paige's shoulder.

She must have fallen asleep, because the next thing she was aware of was that she was lying on her back, with a blanket pulled up over her, the thin, but warm fleece falling just below her breasts. On instinct, she tugged the material up to cover herself, a blush burning its way across her cheeks and down her neck at the thought of exposing herself to the room while sleeping. It was one thing to be naked in front of Paige in the heat of passion, or in the soft, snuggly moments afterwards. But to lie naked and fall asleep beneath the sheets, well there was a vulnerability in that position that Emily wasn't sure she was ready for.

As she pulled the material up, concealing her nakedness, Paige tutted softly in disappointment from her place beside her. Startled by the sound, Emily glanced over.

"It's a shame to cover up such beauty," she said, shaking her head. "Almost a sin, really."

She saw that Paige was still in bed with her, propped up against the headboard by a couple of pillows, her laptop open across her knees. She also saw that Paige was wearing a t-shirt. More of a jersesy really. It was several sizes too big, the collar slipped off one shoulder and it's hem fell almost to her knees.

"Well, that's a bit of the pot calling the kettle black now isn't it?" Emily rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and ran a hand through her hair, which probably looked like a rast nest at this point. Sex-mussed and bed-head, as alluring as that sounded probably did not look quite as appealing.

"There's beauty, and then there's art." Paige waved her hand at first herself then at Emily to indicate which of them was which.

"You are such a dork." Emily pushed herself into a sitting position, pulling the sheet up with her, despite the sounds of disapointment that rumbled low in Paige's throat. "Have you always been this cheesy, or is this a new development? Is this what sex does to you? Because if it is, fair warning, I'm probably never going to sleep with you again."

Paige scoffed. "As if you could possibly resist all this." She waved a hand up and down her body in emphasis.

Paige was right, not that Emily was going to admit that to her.

"What time is it?" she asked, ignoring Paige's declaration as she tried to peek around her to the clock on the bedside table.

"A little after two."

"Really? Wow." Emily had slept a lot longer than she realized. Although, she supposed it was much needed rest. Between the restless night and the day's excitement and activity, she'd been pretty low on reserves.

"Guess you were pretty worn out." The leering grin on Paige's face told Emily exactly what Paige thought had worn her out, and how she felt about it.

"What are you doing?" she asked, again ignoring Paige's comments.

"Just catching up on some paperwork. A bit of light reading." She snapped the laptop closed and placed it on the bedside table.

"Don't stop on my account."

"I was pretty much done anyway. And besides, I'm hungry. Are you hungry? What do you say I go downstairs and make us some breakfast in bed?" Paige was already climbing out of bed before she'd even gotten an answer.

"It's the middle of the afternoon."

"Okay, so a late lunch in bed. "

Emily was hungry. After breakfast she'd felt like she could never possibly eat again but that feeling had long faded. "Lunch sounds good," she said, sitting up even further, preparing to swing her legs around and stand up.

"No, stay there. Let me bring it up to you. It's the first time I haven't had to rush off right after a meal and I want to do it proper."

Emily thought about protesting, about telling Paige that it was unneccessary. That she didn't need to be served in bed, and that she was perfectly content to sit in the kitchen and watch Paige prepare the meal and then eat downstairs with her. But, it was kind of romantic. And, Paige seemed so gung-ho about it. And, she was pretty comfortable lying here.

"Okay, fine," she agreed with a sigh, as if making the concession was something of a burden. If the grin that flashed across Paige's features were any indication, she saw right though it.

"What are you in the mood for?"

"Surprise me?"

"Got it. Prepare to be amazed." Paige leaned in to give her a quick peck and then spun and made her way out of the room. Emily was mildy disappointed that she wouldn't get to watch her working in the kitchen in that jersey, but the view of her walking away in it made up for the loss.


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter 37**

As she heard Paige making her way downstairs, Emily slipped from the bed and headed for the dresser in search of some clothes. Though she felt more comfortable in her nakedness than she would have thought, she was still a little self conscious about it and wanted at least something on when Paige came back up with lunch. After a bit of riffling she found a Penn State t-shirt in Paige's drawer and slipped it on. It was threadbare and worn, which made it all the more comfortable. From her own drawer she pulled out a pair of cute girl-boxers and slipped them on, then returned to bed.

She couldn't hear anything from downstairs, so she assumed that meant lunch preparations were going well. Paige hadn't made any major messes or set anything on fire yet at least. Her stomach rumbled a little at the thought of food being prepared but she ignored it's protests as she picked up the book that lay on her bedside table and opened it to where she had left off. A pointless action, because she had started the book before the accident and had to go back to the beginning anway.

She was a couple of pages into the second chapter and just starting to get interested when her cell phone rang. She reached for it absently, trying to finish the paragraph she was on at least before her attention was diverted to the call.

"Hello?" she answered without checking the caller I.D.

There was a pause on the other end of the line followed by someone clearing their throat. "Yes. Hi. Emily?" A woman's voice questioned her uncertainly.

"Yes." She drew her answer out uncertainly. She couldn't place the voice, but there was something vaguely familiar about it.

"Emily, dear, this is Maureen. McCullers."

It took a moment, and then Emily was hit by realization. She was talking to Paige's mother.

"Oh," she breathed in surprise. "Uh. Hello." She was too stunned to know what to say, though she knew that she couldn't be making the best of impressions right now.

"I'm sorry to disturb you. I thought I had dialed Paige's number."

"Oh, you did." Emily blushed at her outburst. "I'm sorry, what I meant is, I've been using Paige's phone for the past couple weeks. She got a new one, but has been kind of lazy about updating her contacts." Emily hoped Mrs. McCullers wouldn't be offended by being left ouf of the loop.

Much to Emily's relief, Paige's mom let out a soft laugh. "That sounds like Paige."

"She's just downstairs making lunch. I can go get her for you."

"Oh, no, honey. Don't trouble yourself."

"Do you want me to pass along a message?"

There was a momentary pause. Emily sensed that Mrs McCullers was uncertain. But, she figured it had to be something pretty important if she were calling in the middle of a work day.

"I don't want to be a bother, but it's something of a time sensitve issue."

"It's really not a problem."

Mrs McCullers hesitated another moment and then let out a soft sigh. "I don't know if Paige has mentioned this to you or not, but her father's birthday is coming up. Normally, we book a table at his favorite restaurant in the city and see a show, and he and Paige play golf while..." she trailed off and cleared her throat. "I thought, given the circumstances that it might be better to do something a little closer to home. But wanted to leave myself time to still book something if..."

It took a few minutes for Emily to decipher the unfinished explanation before it struck her that her father's birthday was something the four of them celebrated together. And, with the accident and Emily's memory loss and everything else that had been happing, her parents had no idea whether or not to proceed with the normal course of events or alter their plans.

"Well, I can't speak for Paige, but I for one would love to go." Emily answered the question that Mrs. McCullers had left unspoken.

Emily knew that Paige's relationship with her father had been tumultous when she was in her teens but by all accounts it had gotten better. She couldn't imagine that Paige would want to miss her father's birthday celebration.

"Really? Oh, Emily that's wonderful. Nick and I weren't sure, with everything that's been going on if it'd be the right time..."

"The timing could not be better." If the call had come a few weeks ago, Emily would not have been equipped to deal with meeting Paige's parents, but so much had changed over a short period of time and the more she thought about it, the more excited she became at the prospect of meeting them.

"Is that so? That's lovely to hear. Nick and I have been beside ourselves since the accident. We wanted to come by but Paige said that it might be best to give it some time."

"Yes. I'm sorry about that. With everything else going on it would have just been too much."

"That's understandable. But, things are going well then, I take it?"

It was clear that Paige's mom didn't know how to adress the subject of her accident or the memory loss. Not that Emily could really blame her. It wasn't an easy thing to talk about. And it's not like it was something that could be naturally slipped into conversation.

"Things are going well," Emily agreed. "I'm still on the crutches, but I'm getting more mobile every day. And, my memories are starting to come back." It felt a little weird to be sharing this information with a complete stranger, though she knew that before the accident, this woman had not been a stranger to her. She had been, for all intents and purposed, her mother-in-law. Emily was certain that they must have had their own bond, things they talked about, interests they shared.

"I'm so happy to hear that."

The whole conversation was a bit surreal, but then a lot about her life had been surreal lately. She was learning to just go with it. To relax into conversations with people who knew her but she had no recollection of. And, as she let herself relax into the conversation with Paige's mom, she found herself pleasantly entertained by the other woman's humor and wit. She was a lot like Paige in that regard. Or rather, Paige was a lot like her, Emily supposed.

"Hey, so I made grilled cheese. But I think I used too much butter. It seems..."Paige's voice preceeded her into the room, though she trailed off when she noticed Emily was on the phone. "Sorry," she mouthed as she made her way over to the bed. She put the tray down beside Emily and the climbed in next to her, eyebrow raised in question as she nodded towards the phone.

"Your Mom," Emily mouthed.

Paige's eyes went wide, and she pointed a finger at herself, confirming that she'd properly interpreted what Emily had said. When Emily nodded, she reached for the phone, but Emily switched it to the opposite ear, out of her reach. She bit her lip, stiffling a laugh at the surprised, and yet somehow still disgruntled expression on Paige's face.

She and Mrs McCullers chatted for a few more minutes, and when a natural break came in the conversation she said, "Paige is here now, if you want to talk to her."

Mrs McCullers agreed, and bid Emily a fond farewell.

"It was nice talking to you too," Emily agreed. "I can't wait to see you either. Bye."

She passed the phone over to Paige, who took it cautiously and held it up to her ear. "Hey, Mom. What's up?"

Emily watched the expressions on her face as she nodded, occasionally "uh-huhing" the slight furrow of her brow and the way she pursed her lips in bemusement was adorable.

"All right Mom. See you then. Bye." The conversation hadn't lasted long before she'd hung up and tossed the phone down by her side. "So, you and my Mom planned my dad's birthday dinner?"

Emily couldn't read her tone, or the expression on her face.

"Well, your Mom pretty much had everything planned. She just wanted to know if we could make it...I'm sorry, did I do something wrong? I thought you'd want-"

"What? No. You didn't do anything wrong. Sorry. I'm being weird, aren't I?" Paige scrubbed a hand over her face. "It was like walking into a time warp or something, you and my Mom on the phone, planning something or other. And, I know that we're rebuilding things but sometimes it just hits me at the most innoportune times..."

"Believe me. I know."

Paige shot her a small, conspiratorial smile. "Yeah. I guess you would. Of course I want you at my dad's birthday. If you're feeling up to it."

"I am. I promise. I can't wait to see them. Meet them?" Emily wasn't quite sure what the proper phrasing was.

"And they can't wait to see you either. They've both been chomping at the bit since the accident but I thought it would be best if they kept their distance for awhile Let you settle in. Less pressure. I made the right call, didn't I? Having them keep their distance?"

"I feel bad, that they weren't here for you. But, personally, I don't think I could have handled more strangers with expectations around."

"You're sweet, for worrying about me," Paige said, leaning over to press a kiss to Emily's cheek. The light brush of lips, almost a tickle, making Emily grin and giggle. She noticed, however, that Paige didn't say that she'd been fine, or that she hadn't needed her parents, which only compounded Emily's guilt She tried not to dwell on it though. They couldn't change the past, all they could do was move forward and try to do better.

"So, tell me about a typical McCuller's family gathering," Emily requested as she grabbed one of the plates off the tray, which was loaded down with a golden, if slightly soggy looking, grilled cheese sandwich a handful of chips and a cup of fresh cut fruit salad.

"Well, my family's not quite like yours. I don't have a ton of aunts and uncles and cousins. My mom has a sister, and she has two kids who are a few years younger than me. And my dad has two brothers. One of them never married, has no kids. The other has a son. They live in Michigan. My Mom's side of the family is great. Real fun-loving, salt of the earth, wonderful people. We don't see them often, because they live in Maine-that's where my mom grew up. Especially since my grandparents passed. When I was a kid we'd make the trip for Christmas, Thanksgiving, a couple weeks every summer. But my grandmother died when I was in sixth grade. Cancer. And my grandfather died about a year later."

Emily reached out and rubbed Paige's arm in sympathy.

"After that, my aunt and uncle started going to his parents place for the holidays and my parents and I stayed home. Considering everything that I was going through in middle school and early high school, I'm sure you can imagine how much fun that was. School holidays stuck at home with just my parents for company." Paige smiled wryly, but Emily could see the pain behind her smile.

'What about your dad's family?"

"He doesn't talk to them. Or rather, they don't talk him. See, my dad's parents, well his whole family, are pretty strictly Irish Catholic and my mom...wasn't. She was Protestant. But none of her family ever even went to church, except for weddings and funerals. My dad's family had money. My mom's...they weren't poor but they weren't exactly well off either. Solidly middle class, I guess. My parents met in college and fell in love, and when his parents found out they dissapproved. My mom did everything she could to win them over. She even joined the church. But when they announced their engagement, my dad's parents disowned him."

"What? Paige. That's horrible." As heartbreaking as it was, it also made sense of a lot of the things Paige had said about her father, and his behaviour and their relationship in her younger years.

"So, you don't have any relationshpi with them at all?

"Not really. I guess things thawed a little when I was born. I have a few hazy memories of vistits and birthday parties when I was a kid. But things were never really good between them and we didn't see them often. My coming out was the last straw. My grandad, from how my mom tells it, about had an aneurysm."

Emily didn't understand how Paige could be so flippant about it. In a sense, she had been disowned by her family just as much as her father had.

"So, family affairs have for the most part been just the three of us. Once we started getting serious, I started doing Thanksgiving with your family. And I swear all we did for three days was eat. Breakfasts and brunches and lunches and-"

"I know what holidays with my family are like," Emily gently interrupted. And even though she couldn't remember sharing one with Paige and her family, it wasn't hard to imagine. She could picture Paige slipping easily into conversation with her uncles and horsing around with her little cousins and helping her mom and aunts in the kitchen, and making sure Emily's drink was always full and bringing her second helpings of dessert even though they both knew she didn't need it. "I'm curious about what they're like in your family."

"I was getting to it. Geez." Paige rolled her eyes, and Emily just rolled hers right back. "So, as I was saying, for awhile, family gatherings were just me and my parents, which were hella weird during my angsty, teenage years. A lot of awkward dinners just the three of us, overly polite conversation, a lot of silences. Then, we started doing Thanksgiving with your parents, which cut down on the family face time. Then, towards the end of high school, once everyone was okay with everyone else's sexuality and nobody was banishing anyone else to the front porch, your parents started inviting my parents to Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners."

"What? No way."

"Yes way. Very much way. Thanksgiving our senior year. Surprisingly, our families got along smashingly Though, I guess in hindsight, it's really not all that surprising. They're all upstanding, conservative, Christian citizens. But at the time it just seemed bizzare. McCullers family celebrations becamse McCullers-Fields' celebrations. My birthday. Your birthday. Thanksgiving. Christmas. Hell, even Easter."

Emily let out a laugh. Even though it did make a sort of sense, and she couldn't imagine Paige lying about such a thing, she couldn't believe it.

"If your parents hadn't relocted to Texas, they'd probably be included in my father's birthday plans as well. Weirdest triple date in history," she teased.

Emily thought it was neat. Though, it certainly piled on the pressure for things to go well getting reaquianted with Paige's parents. Still, she was looking forward to it. From everything that Paige had told her, and the conversation that she'd had with Mrs McCullers, it would appear that she was on good terms with Paige's parents. She didn't see that changing. Things had been going so well for her recently getting to know all of the other people in her life, why should this be any different?

"Are you sure you're okay with this?" Paige asked. "If you want a bit more time, I'm sure I can put them off awhile longer."

"Do you not want me to go?"

"Of course I want you to. Why would you ask that?"

"You seem to be trying awfully hard to convince me not to."

"Oh." Paige pulled up short. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was doing that. I was just-"

"Being unneccessarily overprotective. Sweet. But overprotective." Emily raised her hand to pat Paige's cheek."I want to get to know your parents, Paige."

"Okay. I'm sorry. I'll drop it." She turned her head and pressed a kiss to the palm of Emily's hand.

"Thank you," Emily said, dropping her hand and turning her attention back to her meal. She found herself suddenly ravenous, which wasn't particulary surprising, considering the amount of energy she had recently expended. It was the most phsyical she had been in a very long time. She smirked to herself, thinking that sex with Paige was going to have to be a substitute for the gym for her, for quite a while. She was feeling much better, her injuries barely ever bothered her, but the cast on her foot was quite cumbersome and even once it was off, it was going to take some time in physical therapy to get herself back up to the level of activity she had once been at.

"What?" Paige nudged her with her elbow as she took a big bite of her own soggy grilled cheese sandwich.

"Nothing." Emily shook her head, trying to smother her smirk.

"Aww, come on."

"Just, eat your lunch. You're going to need the energy."

Paige paused mid-chew, her eyes going wide. "Really?" she squeaked her cheeks bulging as she tried to keep her mouth closed around her food. She quickly swallowed and tore off another bite.

"Hey. Easy." Emily reached out and lay a hand on her wrist. "Slow down before you choke."

Paige blushed, and ducked her head. "Sorry," she mumbled, taking a smaller,more measured bite. "It's just...been a really, really long time." She turned her head and shot Emily woebegone expression that was so pitifully exaggerated Emily didn't know whether to laugh, or feel sorry for her.

"I'm sure you made do," she quipped, her own eyes widening along with Paige's as the double meaning hit her. Once again, Paige stopped chewing to stare at her. This time it was Emily's turn to blush, and duck her head.

"I'm not sure what you want my answer to that to be," Paige said. And Emily appreciated her honesty and sincereity towards what had been a joking, offhand comment that clearly had deeper implications.

Emily's blush burned hotter as she realized that she knew what she wanted Paige's answer to be. Butterflies erupted in her stomach as she remembered the couple times she had "made do" recently. Her heart picked up its pace in her chest as she contemplated her response.

Her natural instinct was to bury the conversation somewhere deep and never let it surface again. It was embarrasing, talking about stuff like that. But, there was another part of her that felt a fluttery sort of excitement at the thought of Paige doing the same things that she herself had done. And, considering what the two of them had so recently shared, was talking about really all that embarrasing? Paige had seen her naked, had touched her and kissed her breasts. Had put her mouth...down there. She had touchd Paige, had put her fingers inside her and watched her come. Shouldn't she be able to talk about it? To express her desires? Listen to Paige express hers?

Maybe she would never be completely comfortable talking about it. But, it wasn't something that she should be embarrassed or ashamed of. Not when they loved each other. Not when they had something so special.

"I think it's kind of hot. If you did.'" she said softly, her gaze fixed firmly on her plate in her lap.

She heard the hitch in Paige's breathing and felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end at the intesnity of Paige's stare. Emily took a deep, steadying breath and then turned to face Paige. She caught her eye, and held it determinedly.

The way Paige's eyes widened was almost comical. Emily might have laughed if she weren't filled with a buzzing sort of expecation and nervousness.

"Seriously?" Paige looked surprised, then her expression quickly morphed into eagerness. Emily did have to laugh at that, just a little. Of course Paige would be excited and curious. She had to admit, the unabashed enthusiasm Paige had for her body and being with her went a long way towards easing some of her natural reserve.

"Yes. Seriously. So..."

"So, what?" Paige shot her a teasing grin.

"Oh, come on, are you really going to make me say it?"

"Say what?"

"Paige."

"I love it when you moan my name like that."

"Paige." Emily laughed this time, and gave her shoulder a little shrug. "Come on.

"Come on, what?"

"No fair. You already know that I do.." Emily blushed even now, remembering when Paige had walked in on her.

"Do?"

Emily realized her mistake when she noticed that Paige's curiosity was piqued.

"So that wasn't the only time?"

"Umm..Do you remember the morning when we woke up together on the couch?"

Paige let out a groan. "How could I forget?"

"Well, after you left for your run I..."

"Wait, really? But that was..."

"Awhile ago. I know. And, I'm sorry for not telling you this sooner. I know you were beating yourself up about it."

"Hey, no. I get it.. It was just something you needed to process."

Emily nodded. "I guess. Mostly though, I was...embarrassed and kind of ashamed. I thought you might get mad me for...using you like that?" She turned her explanation into a question and looked to Paige for help in sorting it out.

"Mad? More like honored." Paige shot her a wicked grin, though her expression quickly sobered. "There's nothing wrong with what you did. Or thinking of me while you did it. But, I get it. I remember the first time I thought of a girl like that."

"A girl?" Emily teased.

"Okay. You. The first time I thought about you like that. It was...start of sophmore year maybe? I don't remember exactly, but we were still in that weird limbo in between not quite friends, more than strangers. I don't know what it was about that day, but something about watching you at swim practice, seeing you in that bathing suit, I just couldn't stop picturing it long after practice was over. I was alone in my room, the house was empty and I just...gave in to my thoughts. I'd only done it a few times before. And the only time I'd had a specific face to my fantasies. Afterwards I was so ashamed. I..."

"Hurt yourself?" Emily finished the thought when Paige didn't.

Reluctantly, Paige nodded. "And cried. And swore I would never do it again. And at the time I meant it. But, a few days later, I gave into the feelings again. And then I punished myself for it again. It went on and on for weeks."

"What happened?" Emily asked, curious as to what had halted the cycle.

"Well, the last time I did it, I punished myself by crashing my bike on my way home from school. Skidded out taking a corner. Road rash all over my arms and legs. But, I also bounced my head off the curb. I had my helmet, so I didn't do any permanent damage but a piece of the plastic splintered and cut my face. It was so close to my eye. A few inches...I could have lost my sight. It cost me my start in the race that week. My dad was furious. And...you were so concerned. You sat with me on the bench between heats and kept fussing over me. I felt so guilty for what I had done, and even more guilty at the thought of you getting upset at me for hurting myself because of it. Somehow, even then, I knew that you wouldn't want me to do that."

"You're right. I wouldn't have. I don't."

"Hey, no worries about that. I haven't felt guilty about that in a long time. Because as it turns out, you think it's kind of hot. "

"So, that means that you have been. Making do?"

Paige sighed. "At first I tried not to. Out of respect for you. I guess there was a part of me that felt like you did. Like you'd be mad or ashamed if you knew that I was thinking of you like that. But the longer things went on with you without your memory, the harder it became."

Emily remembered Hannah's assesment that Paige was sexually frustrated and realized that she had been dead on. Not only wasn't she getting any, but she was abstaining herself as well.

"It all came to a morning after we fell asleep on the couch. Waking up with you like that, touching you like that. It just became too much. I tried to run it off and when that didn't work-"

"You took a really long shower and things were awkward for the rest of the day."

"Yeah." Paige let out a soft sigh. "I guess it hasn't been that long since I felt guilty after all. I tried not to think of you when I did it. But..."

"A decade's worth of memories are hard to ignore. And, really, you shouldn't have to. My memory loss screwed a lot of things up. But, it shouldn't take away how you think about me. Or our past."

"So, it doesn't make you uncomfortable knowing that I thought about you like that even before we..."

"Uncomfortable? No. More like honoured." Emily teased Paige's words back to her.

Paige grinned, the mischevious smile lighting her face. Emily was glad that they had talked this out. It was one of those things that, while not really an issue, lingered in the far corners of her mind.

"So, you have plans for me this afternoon?" Paige said as she shoved the last bite of her sandwich into her mouth and dusted the crumbs off her fingers. She sounded entirely too pleased by the prospect, but Emily suddenly found herself hurrying to finish her own lunch, eager to get back to doing...other things with Paige.

To have sex with Paige again. Even if she weren't able to say it aloud she figured she should at least be able to admit it to herself. Not that there was any confusion between the two of them what she meant, but still, it seemed important to address it honestly.

"Yeah. I was thinking we could tackle the closets. Like you said the other day, they're a bit cluttered. And there's so much stuff I'd love to go through. I'm sure those photo albums aren't the only mementos we have."

Paige turned her head slowly to gape at her. Emily did her best to hold a serious expression. It was hard though, in the face of how utterly unimpressed and dissapointed Paige looked.

"That's why you want me to have energy for the afternoon? So we can clean house?"

"Well, yeah. What did you think I meant?" Emily managed to keep a straight face for a beat before dissolving into laughter.

"Oh, my God. I hate you so much right now." Paige laughed as she lunged forward, tackling Emily down onto the bed.


	38. Chapter 38

Guest Yep, Emily finally got some.

Nyxxyn I'm glad you liked that. I thought it was kind of sweet. Yep. She totally had her going. But, Paige will get her back.

Guest lol. Is this "now" enough for you? lol. I wish I could post more often. Heck, I wish I could post every day.

Guest I'll take unexpected as a compliment. I like to keep people on their toes.

 **Chapter 38**

Emily shrieked with laughter as Paige's hands tickled up and down her sides. She struggled, trying to wiggle her way out from under Paige, but was pinned. Paige pressed her knees against Emily's hips, holding her in place, and hunched over, elbows drawn in, protecting herself from any attemtps at tickling in retaliation. It left Emily pushing ineffectively at her shoulders as she writhed beneath her.

Laughter bubbled up in her throat as squirmed beneath Paige, her own hands running up and down Paige's back and digging into her sides when she could get a grip, trying to find a sensitive spot. . Emily was at a bit of a disadvantage, because she was still learning Paige's body. She didn't know all the sensitive spots she could only guess at them. And, Paige's hands seemed to be everywhere, digging into her sides, feathering across her stomach, teasing the crease behind her knee. She parted her lips in expectation. Paige pressed a series of quick, light pecks to her lips, but resisted Emily's efforts to deepen them, turning her head away so Emily caught her chin or her cheek instead. She chuckled lightly each time Emily tried to catch her lips and missed. Both of them laughing as she peppered Emily's face with kisses, hands continuing to feather up and down her sides.

Emily wrapped her arms around Paige's shoulders and pulled her down, capturing her lips. Paige chuckled as she finally gave in and deepened the kiss. She slipped her tongue into Emily's mouth and teased it with her own, feinting and parrying. So really, not giving in at all.

Her guard was down now though, so Emily slipped her hands beneath the collar of her shirt and ran her fingertips along the base of her neck. She chuckled when Paige shivered and tried to squirm away, but held fast, continuing to exploit the ticklish spot she had found there.

It wasn't long before Emily was breathless and panting, her sides sore and her throat raw from laughing and half-heartedly pleading for mercy. Emily was still laughing when Paige slipped inside her, the sound strangling in her throat and quickly morphing into a moan.

Paige chuckled againt her lips as she slipped out, and teased along Emily's entrance. Her movements an echo of how her tongue had teased inside Emily's mouth, a feint and parry that had Emily gasping for breath and clutching hard at Paige's neck, fingers digging in as her hips rolled restlessly, trying to find a rythmn.

Emily had thought she had an understanding of what sex would be like. Her dreams, her fantasies, the self-exploration had showed her that it would be good. That it would be pleasurable. But, she had never imagined that it could be fun. That she could laugh and feel playful, during.

Paige's touch was feather light as she stroked against her, the tips of her fingers shallowly entering her at random intervals that left her hips jumping in an attempt to force her fingers in deeper. Every so often her finger would slide up and flick across her clit, the touch maddeningly fleeting.

"Paige," she moaned, partially in protest, or maybe a plea as Paige continued to tease her. "Oh. God. Paige." Her moans became louder and more exaggerated.

"Shut up," Paige muttered, giggling against Emily's lips as she pinched her side with her free hand.

"I thought you said you liked it when I moaned your name," Emily managed, gasping softly as Paige's finger circled her clit. "Mmmm. Paige." She pitched her voice high and breathy, drawing Paige's name out as she arched up into the touch. "Oh. Paige. It feels so good."

"Not when you do it like that." Paige nipped at her lower lip in rebuke. "It's distracting."

"Well, then hurry up already." Emily had meant to make it sound like a command, but it came out as more of a whine as Paige's finger pushed shallowly into her entrance. "Fuck. Paige." She gripped the back of Paige's neck, hard and pushed her hips up as much as she could, straining against the weight holding her down in an attempt to push Paige's fingers in deeper. "Stop it."

"I'm confused," Paige teased, pulling out completely, ignoring Emily's whine of protest. "Do you want me to stop? Or do you want me to fuck you?"

"I swear to God, Paige." Emily reached down and gripped Paige's wrist. .She pushed Paige's hand back between her legs, "If you don't, I'm going to do it myself."

"Really?" Paige sounded both amused and delighted by Emily's words.

Emily had only said the words out of frustration. Paige's teasing her driven her to distraction and she was desperate for her to continue. But as Paige hovered over her, hand poised at her entrance with the seconds ticking by with no contact she was seriously starting to consider it.

The ache between her legs was throbbing so forcefully she could feel it thrumming through her entire body, pounding in time with her pulse. Her walls were clenching and fluttering, searching for something to close around. She needed something inside her. She wanted it to be Paige. But, she was willing to do it herself.

"As tempting as that sounds..." Paige hummed low in her throat, and then thrust inside her without preamble, rocking up her knees and leaning forward for extra thrust.

The breath was forced from Emily's lungs and she arched up off the bed, her hands scrabbling down Paige's back as her lips parted in a soundless cry.

"Is this what you wanted?" Paige husked, her voice low and right in Emily's ear as she set a punishing pace, her whole body rocking in time with her thrusts.

Emily could barely catch a breath, let alone answer. But, it was exactly what she had wanted. Paige's fingers pushed deep inside her, filling her in a way she hadn't known she was craving until she experienced it, but now knew she would never get enough of.

Paige's breath was hot, and rapid against the side neck. And she grunted softly with the effort of each thrust. The arousal simmering low in Emily's belly flared and took hold her body, racing across her skin like a wildfire.

The tension coiling through her muscles was becoming almost unbearble. She knew she was going to break soon. And even though it was exactly what she wanted, there was a part of her that still wasn't ready for it. There was a part of her that wanted to hang here in this moment for all of eternity.

It was beyond her control at this point though. The forces coursing through her were unstoppable. And it was only a few moments later when she felt her chest hollow out and her stomach pit, and then a wave of pleasure rolled over her.

Paige slowed her thrusts and pulled out, then collapsed bonelessly onto Emily. After a moment she rolled off her, heaving a sigh as she did.

"I need a cigarette," she muttered as she settled on her back next to Emily.

"What? You don't smoke. Do you?" She didn't remember ever detecting the scent of cigarettes on her clothing. She certainly hadn't tasted them on her. And, she was too much of an athlete to compromise her lungs like that.

"No. It's just you know in those old movies, they always light up after really good sex? When I was younger, I always thought it seemed classy and romantic."

"Well its not. It's disgusting." Emily's wrinkled her nose at the thought of smoke and ash. Her father smoked occasionally Or at least he had. Now that she thought of it, she didn't remember seeing him have a single cigarette when her parents were visiting. It was always a constant battle between her parents every time he came home from deployment. He would start off smoking like a chimney, and then as Pam nagged him he'd slowly wean himself off. And then he would get deployed again and the whole process would start again the next time he came home.

"You better not be thinking of taking it up."

"Hey. Easy. I'm not. It was just a joke."

"It better be," Emily muttered, just to get the last word in. Paige hummed, low in her throat but didn't say anything else. The silence stretched out between them. As the moments ticked past and Emily's heart rate dropped back to normal and the sweat began to cool on her skin she began to wonder if the silence was akward. She turned her head, staring at Paige's profile as she lay with her eyes closed, her breathing deep and even. She was the picture of relaxation, her brow smooth, her expression neutral. But even so, Emily couldn't help but feel like there was something unsettled between them. She started to question her own actions. She had grabbed Paige's wrist and practically shoved her hand between her legs. Perhaps she shouldn't have done that. The more she thought about it, it seemed desperate and over-eager and demanding.

"Hey, what's going on in that pretty little head of yours?" Paige rolled onto her side, the action bringing their faces so close together that Emily had to go cross-eyed to see her properly. She turned her head away, staring up at the ceiling.

"You're thinking so hard I can practically hear the gears turning." Paige propped herself up onto her elbow, resting her head on her hand. She draped her other arm across Emily's stomach. "What's up?" she asked as she slipped her fingers beneath the hem of Emily's t-shirt and stroked her hip lightly.

"Are you upset that I...took control?" she asked softly, keeping her gaze trained on the ceiling. "I mean, I was pretty aggressive and I-"

"What? Em. Look at me. Please."

Emily turned her head and somewhat reluctantly met Paige's eye. Her heart pounded loudly in her chest, her nerves jangling as she searched Paige's gaze, half afraid of what she'd find there. Slowly, her pulse steadied and a sense of calm washed over her as she found herself staring into two dark, warm pools.

"I'm not upset. It's important that you feel comfortable enough to ask for what you want. Or to tell m what you don't like. Or if you want to try something. I'm glad that you were in the moment enough to feel like you could demand satisfaction. Besides," Paige added, a leering grin creeping across her features. "I thought it was kind of hot."

Emily's cheeks heated in a blush, but she felt a smile tug at the corners of her lips and a rush of warmth flood between her legs at the memory. "Okay. Sorry."

"I don't want you to be sorry. I want you to stop second guessing yourself."

Emily nodded. "I'll try."

"Do. Or do not. There is no try."

Emily let out a startled laugh. "Did you just quote Star Wars at me? In bed?" She shook her head. "You are such a dork."

"Yeah, well, you're the one that's sleeping with me."

"Remind me to rethink that."

"Oh, please. Like you could ever give it up."

Emily scoffed, but didn't actually deny Paige's words because they were true. Even completely losing her memory hadn't been enough to tear them apart. Somehow they'd still found their way back to each other. And Emily had found her way back into bed with Paige.

Apparently, resistance really was futile, she thought, but didn't voice. She bit back a laugh. So maybe she was a bit of a dork too. Thought, it was entirely Paige's fault. She had been the one to introduce her to all that nerdy sci-fi stuff in the first place. Star Trek. Star Wars. Terminator. Just watching her get all worked up and excited about it was almost enough to make letting her chose on movie nights worth it.

The way her eyes would light up and she would fidget in her seat whenever they were about to get to a "good" part, which seemed to happen every five minutes or so, but still it was adorable. The way she would so passionately defend the characters and their actions. Emily would make comments she didn't even believe just to watch her go off on a five minute rant simply because she enjoyed seeing the flush of Paige's cheeks and watching the movements of her hands as she spoke.

The only downside to Paige picking the movie was that they actually had to watch the movie. When Emily picked, Paige was on her within minutes and the two of them ended up making out on the couch until the credits finished rolling and the screen went dark. It was baffling, really, how any other time Paige could barely keep her hands and lips off her, but put an action hero, hobbit or alien in front of her and her attention was rapt.

 _"Okay. Pizza. Soda. Popcorn. I think we're set," Emily said, placing the tray loaded down with all the aforementioned items down on the coffee table and reaching for the remote. "Now, we just need to pick a movie." She circled the coffee table and dropped down onto the couch beside Paige. "Hey!" Emily let out a cry of protest as she felt the remote slip from her grasp._

 _Emily lunged at Paige, who turned away from her, hunching her shoulders and cradling the remote against her chest as Emily tried to get a grip on it and pry it from her hands._

 _"It's my turn to pick."_

 _"You picked last week."_

 _"No. Last week we watched Crash."_

 _"No. Last week we put on Crash, and didn't make it past the opening credits before you had your hand up my shirt."_

 _"Yeah, well, I didn't hear you complaining. In fact, I'm pretty sure the only words out of your mouth were encouragement. Oh Paige. Oh. Right there. Yes." She pitched her voice high and breathy in a very poor immitation._

 _Emily smacked Paige's shoulder. "I don't sound anything like that."_

 _"You sound exactly like that."_

 _"That's not even the point. We didn't actually watch my movie, so that means it's still my turn."_

 _"You picked a movie. We put it on. What happens after that is irrelevant. You had your turn. Now it's mine."_

 _They grappled for control of the remote for a few more minutes, but Paige was stronger. And unaffected by the pinching, poking and tickling that Emily employed to get her to relase her grip. Breathless and sweating, Emily flopped back into her seat, silently admitting defeat. Paige was humble enough not to crow in victory, but not so humble that she wasn't sporting a huge grin. Emily crossed her arms and glowered at her, but Paige was undetered as she scrolled through the offerings before finally settling on one, then tucking the remote into the gap between the couch cushions at her side for safe keeping, then shifted to sit over it. Emily huffed, though they both knew she wasn't above reaching around or across Paige to get a hold of it._

 _Paige got comfortable, leaning back against the cushions as the screen flared to life. Emily huffed again and slumped next to her. She wasn't really mad, just annoying at having been bested. She wasn't as competitive as Paige but she still hated losing._

 _Her focus wasn't on the screen, but on Paige, watching the way the lights of the tv reflected in her eyes and the colors played across her face. A soft smile played across her lips at the look of utter concentration Paige wore. It really was adorable. Like a little kid entranced by their cartoons._

 _Emily leaned up and brushed a feather light kiss to Paige's cheek. Paige's gaze darted to hers and she offered up a small, brief smile before her attention went right back to the screen. Frowning, Emily pulled back slightly and stared. If Paige felt Emily's gaze on her, she didn't let on. She leaned in again, this time pressing her kiss a little closer to the corner of Paige's lips. Paige turned her head just enough to catch the kiss, but didn't tear her eyes away from the tv, and turned back before Emily could deepen it. Emily stared at the side of her face in disbelief. Really? She laid her hand on Paige's leg, just above her knee and stoked lightly, her gaze trained on Paige's face for a reaction. Nothing. Slowly, she trailed her hand higher. Not even a twitch of the muscles beneath her hand or a flutter of an eyelash. She was starting to get irritated now. Emily reached the top of Paige's thigh and shifted so the tips of her fingers were grazing the inside, just inches away from the seam of her jeans. Nothing._

 _"Unfrickinbelievable."_

 _"Hmm? Did you say something?"_

 _"Just, it's no wonder nerds never get laid."_

 _"Yeah."_

 _"It's not that girls don't want them. They're just oblivious."_

 _"Uh-huh."_

 _It was clear that Paige wasn't even listening._

 _"I'm going to take my shirt off."_

 _"Okay."_

 _Emily had been joking. She had thought for sure, if anything was to catch Paige's attention, it would be that. The two of them hadn't been dating for that long, but things were progressing between them, physically. They had engaged in some pretty heavy under the shirt action, though neither of them had gone topless yet._

 _This movie was boring though. And she was annoyed by Paige's lack of attention. The fact that Paige's gaze wasn't on her was probably what made her bold enough to do what she did next. Emily pulled her t-shirt up over her head and tossed it onto the coffee table. The chill air of the room prickled against her skin and she resisted the urge to cross her arms. She felt vulnerable, exposed and yet also emboldened. Swimming and running kept her in good shape. She had a flat, toned stomach and strong, firm legs. Her arms were defined. She was proud of her body. Comfortable, and confident within her own skin. Even when so much of that skin was on display._

 _She was also, however, being completely ignored._

 _"Seriously?"_

 _"Mm-hmm."_

 _Huffing, Emily swung around, positioning herself on Paige's lap._

 _"What? Hey. Emily what are you..." Paige's protests trailed off as her gaze snapped up and she found herself eye level with Emily's bra-clad breasts. Her eyes went wide. Emily waited for her reaction with eager anticipation, her heart rate skyrocketing as she imagined Paige's hands, or even her mouth, against her skin._

 _She let out a huff of disbelief when Paige's gaze slipped past her to the screen before flicking back._

 _"Oh, my God. Really?" she swung her leg around, getting off Paige's lap._

 _"What? I'm sorry. It was a really good part." Paige's arms went around her waist, trying to stop her, but she scrambled to her feet and spun around, searching for her shirt through the tears that blurred her vision. She had never been so humiliated in her life. She couldn't believe that she had practically thrown herself at Paige, an Paige had been more interested in a stupid movie._

 _"Are you kidding me?" She finally snagged a piece of her shirt and picked it up. Blinking furiously she tried to get it rightside out before deciding she just didn't care and tugging it over her head anyway._

 _"Wait. Em. Stop."_

 _Emily's attempts to pull her shirt on were thwarted by Paige's efforts to tug it back off again. Emily knew that when it came to feats of strength, Paige would always win. Slighing, she stopped struggling and released her grip on the material. As soon as she let go, Paige did too. The stood for a long moment panting, trying to catch their breath. Emily was still almost naked from the waist up, her shirt now stretched out of shapy and lying draped around her neck. Their eyes met in the muted glow of the television and just like that, the tension was gone. They both burst out laughing. Once again, Emily's vision blurred, only this time it was tears of laughter. Her stomach began to ache, and then Paige snorted and they both dissolved into another fit._

 _Eventually their laughter subsided, and Emily felt self-conscious and wounded once again. She reached for her shirt once again, only to have Paige grip her wrists gently, stopping her._

 _"Please don't put it back on." She stared imploringly into Emily's eyes._

 _Emily never could say no to that face. It was like kicking a puppy and taking candy from a baby simultaneously. She nodded, and Paige released her grip. Paige gathered the material of Emily's shirt and gently lifted it up and over her head. As soon as it was clear of Emily's body she tossed it aside._

 _Her gaze dropped down to Emily's torso. And this time it was no fleeting look. Her eyes were glued. Emily heard her breath hitch, her shoulders shifting with the force in which air was expelled from her lungs._

 _Slowly, almost agonizingly so, her hands drifted up and came to cup Emily's breasts. This time it was Emily's breath that hitched, as a shiver coursed down her spine. Her knees buckled when Paige's thumbs slid across her nipples, sending them both toppling onto the couch. The movie now forgotten as their lips met in a deep, almost frantic kiss. Paige's hands found their way back to Emily's breasts and after a moment of kneading through the material of her bra, slid up her shoulder and tugged on the straps in question._

 _"Take it off," Emily mumbled, distracted with her own efforts of attempting to divest Paige of her shirt. She worked the shirt up Paige's back, the material stretching where it was caught between them, trapped by how closely their bodies were pressed together. But, with a few hard tugs she was able to force it up, only to have it snag as she tried to pull it over Paige's head. Paige grunted in displeasure and tore her lips away from Emily's raising up only long enough for Emily to remove her shirt completely, before diving back in.. Her lips unnerringly found Emily's once again, her tongue teasing against Emily's lips before slipping past them. Her hands went back to Emily's breasts, only this time, her touch met bare skin._

 _Emily gasped at the feel of the warm, slightly rough skin of Paige's hands against her. A low moan left her throat as Paige pinched and rolled at her nipples. This was the farthest they had ever gone, and in this moment she was wondering why they had waited so long._

 _"Fuck, Paige," she groaned, her head dropping into the crook of Paige's shoulder. "That feels amazing." Tremors of pleasure skated up and down her spine with each deliberate roll and tug._

 _Her own movements were less coordinated as she slipped her hands beneath the material of Paige's sports bra, not even bothering with the effort of removing it, and palmed her breasts._

 _She was suprised by how soft they were. How full and supple they felt beneath the her touch. She hadn't imagined that the removal of a single layer of cotton would make that much of a difference._

 _Paige moaned and arched up into her touch, her hands faltering as she succummed to the pleasure of Emily's explorations._

"Em. Hey, Em Where did you go just now?"

Paige's voice and the gentle pressure of her hand against her side brought Emily back to the present. She blinked, somewhat dazedly at her as her vision cleared of the memory. Or. Memories she realized. One had come back clearer than the others, but behind that image was a series of vague impressions.. Like a movie montage, they flicked through her brain. They flashed too quickly to process but once they settled, Emily was able to peruse through them.

Sitting in a restaurant across from Paige, pretending to stare at her menu but really taking peeks at her over the top. Nervous excitement fluttering in her stomach, making her feel both giddy and like she might throw up the meal that she had so eagerly agreed to go out for. The nerves easing as conversation flowed between them. Date night was just like any other night between them.

Walking hand in hand with Paige through the streets of Rosewood talking about everything. Talking about nothing.

Sitting on opposite ends of the couch both of them deep in concentration on their individual homework assignments. Music playing softly in the background. A feeling of peace and contenment flowing through her.

Doing laps in Paige's backyard pool, trading trash talk and urging each other on as they strived to shave off that last tenth of a second or get the timing of that turn just right. Swimming until their arms were leaden and their shoulders were sore and then doing one more lap just to prove they could. Being so tired they could barely pull themselves out of water and collapsing together on one of he lawn chairs, only to find a reserve of energy somewhere deep within and tap it, to make out for an hour until Paige's parents came home and the backyard lights flicked on.

It wasn't all of her memories. Not even close. And they seemed to be limited to the early years of their relationship. A lot of them were accompanied by a heightened sense of nerves and excitemet that came from new experiences and exploration. They didn't have that same, settled feeling that the few later memories she'd regained seemed to come with. But it was a start. The doctors had said it would take time. If she recovered them at all. . At the time it had seemed like an innsurmountale obstacle but now her memories were returning slowly, piece by piece.

"Earth to Emily."

Paige waved a hand in front of her face and she jumped. She shook her head to clear it, then turned to Paige, who was staring at her in a mixture of concern and bemusement.

"Everything okay?"

"Mmhmm," she nodded. "It's fine. I was just thinking the night I tried to seduce you. But you were too preoccpied with the movie to notice my boobs in your face."

"Hmm. Yeah. That was a good night." A smile spread across Paige's lips and her eyes went glassy as she remembered. "Wait a minute, I never told you about that." She sat up and stared down at Emily, eyes alight with excitment. "You remembered?"

Emily nodded. "That night. And, some other stuff too."

"Oh yeah? What other stuff?"

"Just, little things."

"Tell me about them?" Paige settled back down and snuggled into Emily's side, her head tucked in on Emily's shoulder, one arm and one leg draped across her. Emily wrapped an arm around her back and pulled her in close as she began describing the moments that had come back to her. Paige listened, offering context or giving her further information when details got a little fuzzy. After awhile, she started offering up little stories of her own. The longer they talked, the more the memories started to feel like her own. And to Emily it began to feel like simple reminiscing.


	39. Chapter 39

**Author's Note:** Sorry I missed a week guys. Work has been pretty hectic and I've been writing every spare minute but it just doesnt seem to be enough lately. This is actually only half of my intended chapter, but it's taking forever to write and I didn't want to leave you hanging any longer.

Guest: I'm glad you like how things are developing. And, yeah, they've been through a lot, they need some lightness.

Nyxxyn It's one of those things that's funny because it's true. At least to a degree. I'm glad that you enjoyed the chapter.

Guest I'm glad "now" was okay. lol. That was probably my favorite part to write, so I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Guest: I know, right? Dorky Paige is amazing.

Guest: If only, right?

Guest: lol. I know, I know, I'm late. Sorry.

Guest Yep, more memories. And still more to come.

 **Chapter 39**

"I think we should go out tonight," Paige said during a lull in their conversation. "Dinner, maybe. Somewhere nice. Somewhere we have to get all dressed up." She sat up and swung around to face Emily, her eyes lighting up with excitement as she fleshed out her idea. "Maybe see a show, after. And if it's a nice night out we can take a short walk through the park. If you're up for it, that is."

Emily thought it was adorable that Paige felt like she needed to sell Emily on the idea. As if she wasn't on board the moment Paige said "I think." As if she might actually refuse what sounded like a pretty perfect evening.

"Are you asking me out on a date?"

"Well..uh yeah. I guess so."

"You guess so?"

"I mean, yes. Yes I'm asking you out on a date." She stared at Emily expectantly.

"Well, go ahead then."

"Go ahead what?"

"Go ahead and ask."

Paige's eyebrows drew together in confusion, and Emily had to bite the inside of her lip to keep herself from laughing. "But, I just did."

"No you didn't." She folded her fingers together in her lap so she wouldn't reach out and smooth the furrows in her brow.

"But, I literallly just said I was asking you out on a date."

"But, you didn't pose it as a question." She struggled to keep her expression neutral as Paige scowled at her. She really was adorable. And such a dork. She didn't know how she had managed to miss that. How she had allowed herself to turn a blind eye to how sweet and caring and funny Paige was. How been able to keep her at arms length, convinced she was some kind of threat or intrusion rather than recognize how utterly devoted she was.

Or, maybe she had noticed. Maybe some part of her had recognized that she and Paige were inevitable and had been scared. Maybe that was why she had pushed Paige away so hard.

She was just glad that Paige hadn't let herself be deterred. That she hadn't given in and given Emily the space she had been asking for. Even though it was what she had wanted at the time, she realized now it would have been the worst possible thing for her. For them.

"Fine." Paige huffed a sigh and rolled her eyes. "Do you want to go out on a date with me?"

"Well, not when you put it like that."

Paige threw her hands up in the air in. 'You know what, I don't want to go out with you anymore anyway."

Emily scoffed. "Who are you trying to kid?"

Paige tried to look stern and unimpressed, but the corners of her lips twitched as she tried to supress a grin. Emily held her gaze, waiting. She was much better at schooling her expression than Paige, though it got more difficult by the second. She could feel her left cheek starting to twitch, and laughter welled up in her chest, tickling the back of her throat every time she swallowed it down. It was, of course, Paige who caved. She let out a soft sigh and slumped slightly.

"Emily." She reached out and took one of Emily's hand in both of her own.. "Would you like to go out with me?"

"I would love to," Emily answered, letting the smile that had been threatening to break spread across her face.

"Yes," Paige mouthed and did a fist pump.

"You are such a dork," Emily laughed and used the hand that was still clasped around her own to pull Paige in for a kiss.

Paige abandoned her celebration to cup Emily's cheek, cradling her face gently as she deepened the kiss. For all of their joking about the date, the kiss was soft, almost reverent. Emily recognized how significant this moment was. She returned the kiss slowly, sweetly, enjoying the stir of butterflies in her stomach as Paige's lips slid against her own.

They parted on a soft sigh, and Paige rested her forehead against Emily's for a moment before pulling away. "So, we should probably start getting ready," she said, though made no attempt to move.

Emily knew Paige was right, but she wasn't in any hurry herself to leave this moment, cocooned here in this bed after having shared something so intimate, something so profound. She knew that one of them was going to have to do it though. And that someone was going to have to be her. Reluctantly she pulled back and swung her legs around towards the edge of the bed.

"So, how are we going to do this?" she asked, not quite sure what the protocol was for getting ready for a date with the person you were living with. "Do you want to get ready in here and I'll get ready downstairs or..."

"You don't have to go downstairs," Paige was quick to interject. "We can both get ready in here."

Emily thought she seemed just a little too eager. "Is that true?" Just the thought of watching Paige undress raised her heart rate. And now that she had seen what lay beneath the layers of clothing, now that she had gotten to touch and taste so much of that soft, smooth skin, there was a part of her that never wanted to stop. She just knew that if they tried to get ready together, they would never make it out of the room.

"No," Paige said dejectedly. "I'll get my stuff and go get ready in my office."

She slid off the bed and made her way over to the closet. And Emily couldn't help but chuckle at the pout on her face and the slump of her shoulders.

"Close your eyes," she said, spinning around.

"What?"

"Close your eyes. I don't want you to see what I'm wearing before I get it on. It's bad luck."

"I think that only applies to wedding dresses."

"You think. But, you don't know for sure. Do you really want to take that chance?"

Emily had a feeling that this was a conversation they'd had countless times. She also had a feeling it was one she lost countless times. Sighing, she closed her eyes and covered them with her hands for good measure. "Fine. There. Go ahead."

"No peeking."

"I'm not. I promise."

She heard the faint shuffle of footsteps and felt the air move around her and realized that Paige had crossed the room and was no waving her hand in front of Emily's face, or some such action to prove that she wasn't peeking. She wanted to tell her to just get her stuff and go get dressed, but figured that would just prolonge the ridiculousness. A moment later she heard Paig shuffle away, followed by the rustling of clothing and the clatter of hangers.

When the room was silent again she pulled her hands away from her eyes and glanced around, she was alone in the room. Shaking her head at Paige's antics she pushed herself to her feet and, forgoing the crutches lyiing haphardly on the floor, made her way across the room to the closet. Her progress was slow, and she leaned heavily on the dresser, then the wall along the way, but she was happy to have made it there under her own power.

It was wasn't easy to tell which side of the closet belonged to who. Well, aside from the level of cleanliness. Emily's was neatly organized, while Paige's looked bit like a bomb had gone off. They both seemed to own an equal amount of business wear, skirts and dress pants and blouses and blazers. And their casual wear was pretty similar, jeans and t-shirts, lightweight sweaters and flannels. Even their formal wear was the same, a mix of dresses and dress pants and tops. Though, Emily's side favoured dresses to suits. She pushed the day to day wear aside and pulled forward the fancier stuff. She flipped through the dresses slowly until she got to the first suit, it was simple, black pants and a black jacket with a white shirt, though the material was soft to the touch, silky and smooth. She ran her fingers over it, trying to imagine herself wearing it. In a way, it didn't seem her style. She had always been...well, girly for lack of a better term. Though she was athletic, she supposed one would call her a jock, she had always been into style, into fashion. She wore cute tops and flats and curled and straightened and played around with her hair. She enjoyed shopping and fashion magazines and experimenting with her makeup and wearing pretty dressings. Putting on a suit and tie and going out, it seemed well...gay.

Which was fitting she reasoned, her lips twitching in a wry smile, seeing as how she was gay.

She was gay. It was the first time Emily had let the thought fully form. It had been niggling in the back of her mind for some time now, but she had continuosly directed her awareness away from it, letting her thoughts drift off before making the acknowledgement or changing their direction.

 _I'm gay,_ she thought the words deliberately and was suprised by the pang in her chest that came with them. _I'm gay._ It was a truth that should seem fairly self evident, especially in light of what she and Paige had done. After all the physical stuff they had engaged in, it wasn't like it was something Emily was trying to hid or deny anymore. But no longer avoiding the truth and actively admitting them were two very different things.

"I'm gay," she whispered, tasting the words for the very first time. "I'm gay." This said with a little more force, a little more confidence. There was a power in saying the words aloud. In claiming them for herself, for the very first time. Her sexuality, it was no longer something that had just happened to her. It wasn't a burden she had been saddled with. It was a piece of her identity that she was proud of. That she embraced. No more shame. No more fear.

She shifted in place, the set of her shoulders becoming a little more broad. A little more poud. She was gay. But she was also so many other things. Daughter. Lover. Friend. Student. Survivor. She was Emily Fields. And even if she didn't remember everything about being herself, she knew enough to be confident. To be proud.

She fingered the material of the suit one more time. It was soft. And it would be pracitcal, the pants would hide her cast. And, she could picture herself rocking it. Tailored pants, shirt, tie, a little smokey makeup, her hair falling in waves around her shoulders. Paige's jaw would drop for sure. She considered the outfit for a moment before her gaze slipped past it to the little black dress that hung behind it. The skirt was loose and flowing, and would also do a pretty good job of hiding her cast. Her touch shifted from the suit to the dress, her finger running along the material, her mind already made up even before she felt how silky smooth it was. But, she wasn't rejecting the suit as much as choosing the dress, that much she knew.

It didn't take her long to get ready, soon she was pacing the floor of the room in an unsteady gait, her crutches abandoned on the floor. They would only hinder her restless stride. She didn't know what was taking Paige so long to get ready, but she was abuzz with anticipation.

She was just about to venture down the hall and check on her when a soft knock sounded on the doorframe and then Paige rounded the corner. Emily stumbled to a stop in the middle of the room, her own jaw dropping.

Paige stood on the threshold wearing a three piece suit in a dark grey. The starched white shirt beneath the vest a vivid contrast that immediately drew Emily's eye to the open collar, and the shiny silver pendant that rested at the base of her throat. Her hair hung in loose waves around her shoulders, and her makeup was minimal, a bit of shadowing around her eyes to really make them pop and some shiny gloss to her lips.

"Emily, you look beautiful," Paige said, her eyes never leaving Emily, her gaze roaming up and down her frame and across her face as she closed the distance between them. "Absolutely stunning," she breathed when she reached her. The smile on her face turned teasing as she tapped a finger against Emily's chin, gently pushing her jaw shut.

Emily swallowed hard against a suddenly dry throat and shifted in place, rubbing her thighs together to appease the dull ache between them. "You look..."

Hot didn't seem like enough of a compliment. Fuckable, even less so. And yet those were the two words that sprang into her mind. Instead of trying to finish her sentence she stepped forward, wrapping her arms around Paige's waist as she captured her lips. Paige chuckled, and then melted into the kiss. Her hand caressed Emily's cheek and then slid around to tangle in her hair, pulling her in. Her other hand went to Emily's hip, where it rested briefly and then slipped down to grip her ass. Her hands fisted in Paige's shirt and then flattened against the small of her back as she pulled her in closer, eliminating the fraction of space that had been between their bodies.

Paige walked them backwards, their steps halting and uneven thanks to the cast on Emily's leg, and the fact that Paige was wearing heels while Emily was in flats. Emily let out a grunt of pain as her back hit a hard surface, the dresser, she realized, as one of the knobs dig into her back. She shifted, trying to move away from the uncomfortable pressure, but quickly forgot about it when Paige's thigh slipped between her own

The kiss grew heated, and sloppy. Emily's thoughts were slowly spiraling away from her as the firm, rocking pressure of Paige's thigh against her center and the broad sweeps of her tongue around the inside of her mouth pushed her further and further towards a state of irrational arousal. Towards that moment where nothing mattered but her release. She had just enough presence of mind, however, to slip her thigh between Paige's and flex, enjoying the low grunt of pleasure that spilled from Paige's lips as she rocked down against it.

It was crazy. She didn't know how it was possible to be so aroused again so quickly after the last time. Three times in the span of a few hours. Was that normal? A part of her worried, but mostly she felt like she was due. She was making up for lost time.

Her hands slipped down to the waistband of Paige's pants and she put just enough space between their bodies fumble with the buttons of her fly, a few breathless curses falling from her lips before she got them undone and slipped her hand inside. There was absolutely no finesse to her movements as she entered Paige, two fingers tucking into her, pushing past the swollen, throbbing walls. Paige's head dropped to her shoulder and she panted loudly against the side of Emily's neck, groaning intermittenlty as Emily began to thrust in and out of her. She turned her head a fraction, and latched her lips to the side of Emily's throat, her tongue pulsing against the sensitive flesh she found there. Emily's thrusts faltered, as she arched up into Paige's body, then resumed with more vigor. Paige groaned against her the side of her neck and gripped more tightly against her, her hips rocking in time with Emily's thrusts and driving her thigh firmly against Emily's center.

A spike of arousal shot through Emily, and she knew that she was close. She increased the pace of her own thrusts, and from the way Paige's muscles tightened, her body growing taut like strings across a bow, Emily knew she was close as well. She increased the pressure of her thrusts, and Paige's hips jerked in reaction. She stiffled a gasp as she felt her orgasm edge over her, and then released it shakily when she felt Paige shudder against her.

It was over as quickly as it had begun. The fast, almost frantic sex a far cry from the tentative, but deliberate lovemaking and their playful tryst. It left Emily restless and panting, and not entirely satisfied. It was like an appetizer that had taken the edge off her appetite but had not completely sated it. And yet, as her heart rate dropped down to normal and the sweat dried on her skin she could not bring herself to feel anything but delighted. The urge had overcome her so quickly, and she'd boldly gone with it. It had been hard, and a little rough but also incredibly hot.

Slowly, Paige pulled back and offered up a sheepish grin, which Emily returned with a soft laugh. She understood what Hannah meant about them going at it like bunnies. If they were like this all the time it was a wonder they ever made it out of the house.

"You're all rumpled," Paige mumbled, tugging and swiping at Emiily's dress. But, when her fingers brushed across Emily's breasts and the fleeting touch sent another spike of arousal through her, she brushed her hands away.

"So are you."

Paige looked adorable, actually, with her hair mussed up and her lipstick smudged. Her vest was askew and her pants sagged around her hips and her eyes had a sort of dazed glow to them.

Emily eased herself away from the dresser, wincing a little at the sting in her back from where the knob had pressed in.

"Sorry," Paige muttered, and Emily waved her off. In the grand scheme of things, it didn't matter. It certainly hadn't affected her enjoyment.

"There's a spot. On your pants." Emily gestured to the dark spot high up on the leg of Paige's dress pants. A wet spot. Physical evidnce of Emily's arousal. She found herself both embarrassed by and proud of the mark.

"It'll dry." Paige shrugged, and rubbed at the spot.

"You know, I'm pretty sure the order of events is actually date, then sex," Emily teased as they straightened their clothing and tried to make themselves look presentable again.

"Hey, don't tell me. You're the one who started it."

Emily thought back over the chain of events that had lead to this moment. "Oh. Right. Sorry."

Paige snorted and shook her head, but didn't say anything else. Within a few minutes they had eliminated all physical evidence of their activities. Well, visible evidence at least. Emily could still feel faint tremors coursing through her. And her panties were sodden and sticking to her skin. She kind of liked how it felt,like a reminder she could carry with her for the rest of the evening. But she was worried about it soaking through to her dress, so she turned and grabbed a clean pair from her drawer.

"Here, let me help you with that." Paige grabbed the panties from her grasp and was on her knees in front of Emily before she had a chance to agree. Or protest. And even as her heart sped up in anticipation as Paige carefully lifted the hem of her dress, she had a feeling she should protest. They were never going to make it out of the house at this rate.

She rested her hands lightly against Paige's shoulders for balance as Paige's hand slid up her leg. Her fingers were warm and sure against her skin as she hooked them around the waistband of her damp panties and pulled them down her legs. Her grip steadying, despite the pounding of Emily's heart and the shakiness of her stance, as she carefully helped her lift first one leg and then the other to remove them. Once they were off, she slingshot them across the room, in the direction of the laundry hamper, but missed by a mile. Just as carefully, she helped Emily step into the clean pair of panties pulled them up.

All the times Emily had gotten help getting dressed in the hospital had felt nothing like this. Silently she cursed herself for not allowing Paige to assist her, cursed her own stubborn insistence on doing things for herself. If she had let Paige in earlier, maybe they could have spent more time doing this. Though she knew it was an unfair conclusion to make. She had been in no way ready for this kind of physical intimacy in the days following the accident. Paige trying would have only lead to more awkwardness and tension. And probably would have driven the wedge in further between them.

She just had to remember that things were happening in their own time. And that even thought it felt like she had missed out, or was making up for lost time, that wasn't the case.

Paige's hands lingered a moment after she settled the panties around her waist. She pulled lightly on the elastic and let it go, snapping it lightly against Emily's skin. She smacked Paige's shoulder at the faint sting. Her snappy remark, along with her breath, lodged in her throat as Paige pressed a light kiss against the flimsy lace material before rising to her feet. Emily's skirt fell with a rustle, settling naturally around her legs as Paige released it. She smirked at Emily, who struggled to breath. After a moment she shook her head and let out a soft chuckle.

"You look very nice," she said, once she had finally calmed her nerves and felt like she could trust her voice. She reaced out and smoothed her hands down the lapels of Paige's jacket. "I didn't get a chance to say that, before." Before she had practically accosted her.

"It's okay. I kind of got it, y'know? That you thought I looked okay." Paige reached up and covered Emily's hands with her own, stilling their motions, then gently pulled them away. "If you keep doing that, we're never going to make it out of here," she said with a wry smile.

"Yeah." Emily nodded in agreement. She stepped away somewhat reluctantly and let their hands drop. "Let's go."


	40. Chapter 40

Guest: Thank you. I'm glad you liked it, and thought it was worth the wait. I really do hate making you guys wait too long between chapters. And don't worry, I had time for some R&R

Guest Thank you. :) I'm gad you like the pacing, and find it to be unfolding naturally. Yeah, Paige is definitely be rewarded for her patience. And, Emily is just getting started lol

Guest Yep, they just can't stay away from each other. Thank you. And I am doing well, and things will be better after the holidays. I hope things with you are well.

Guest Yeah. Go Emily.

Nyxxyn Thank you. I'm glad you liked that part, it seemed like a good way to get Emily to reflect a little. And I wanted her to have her own moment where she said it out loud. No matter how much she grows, there will always be a part of Paige that is an adorable dork, bumbling her way through a situation. The first half of the date will come next. Though, I'm glad you didn't mind the distraction

 **Author's Note:** I don't know if I will get a chance to update in the week between Christmas and New Year's, though I will try my best **.**

 **Merry Christmas** to those of you who celebrate. Happy Holidays to those who don't. I hope you all had a good 2016. Thank you for being such a large and wonderful part of my year.

Best Wishes for 2017 xo-Samantha.

 **Chapter 40**

Paige wouldn't tell her where they were going. Emily was coming to realize that her girlfriend liked to keep her in suspence. She kept glancing over at Emily from the corner of her eye, a small smile playing on her lips, as if gauging her excitement. This time, Emily refused to give Paige the satisfaction of begging, or questioning her about their destination. Instead she tried to appear casual as she gazed out the window and tried to figure out where they might be going. Unfortunately, the city had changed too much to recognize many familiar places, and she was unable to suss anything out for herself.

Eventually, Paige pulled up in front of a restaurant that Emily vaguely recognized and was, if she remembered correctly, french. Staring at the sign didn't conjure up any familiar feelings or evoke any memories, which led her to believe that this wasn't someplace special to them.

As the valet stepped forward to open her door, and Paige rushed around the front of the car to beat him to helping Emily out, she wondered if this wasn't something of a re-creation of their first date. All dressed up. French food. Hopefully, this one would end a little better. No getting cocky with the menu. No food posioning.

She accepted Paige's offered hand with a smile and a soft murmer of thanks and allowed her to help ease her out of the car and onto the sidewalk. Paige slung an arm around her shoulders to help her steady her balance and then reached for the backdoor for her crutches. On a whim, Emily reached out and stopped her. Paige turned to her, brows drawn together.

"Leave them," she whispered, gently guiding Paige away from the car so the valet could park it for them.

"But-"

"It's only a few steps inside. And then we'll be sitting down." The doctor had told her she would be able to start weaning herself off the crutches soon anyway. Though, he doubted this was what he'd had in mind. She knew she could make it with Paige's support though.

"Em-"

"I know its stupid, but I want to walk into this restaurant holding your hand. Like a real date, y'know?" She gave Paige her best puppy-dog look, knowing how hard it would be for her to resist.

"No, its not stupid," Paige immediately reassured her, gently running her hands up and down Emily's arms soothingly. "And, this is a real date. Even if-"

"Please, Paige? Just, let me have this?" She couldn't explain exactly why this was so important to her. All she knew was, she just didn't want to enter the restaurant swinging along on her crutches with Paige keeping pace at her side. She wanted to walk in with Paige's hand in hers.

Paige looked torn for a moment then nodded. "But, if it's too much for you, let me know? I'll have them bring the car around and get your crutches before we leave."

That was a deal Emily could live with. She nodded in agreement. "Ready? Let's do this."

"How romantic," Paige drawled as she laced their fingers together. Emily stared down at their joined hands and gave a soft squeeze. She knew Paige was being sarcastic but really, it was romantic.

They crossed the short distance from the curb to the door without incident. Emily's gait was a little unsteady but she didn't have any pain and her balance was pretty good. As they approaced the hostess station and Paige leaned in, her breath hot against Emily's neck and her lips brushing against her ear as she whispered.

"You okay?"

A shiver coursed up Emily's spine at the huskiness of Paige's voice and the tickle as air moved across her skin and nodded, not trusting her voice. The hostess, a young woman who looked to be barely out of high school glanced up as they got closer.

"Bonsoir. Bienvenue a Chez Michele," she greeted them in what even Emily could tell was bored, badly accented french. "Table for two?" She switched to English, much to Emily's relief. At Paige's nod, she grabbed two menus and instructed them to follow her.

She led them to a table along the near wall, thankfully not very deep into the restaurant so Emily was able to manage the walk with little difficulty.

"Your server tonight will be Dianna," she said by rote as she placed a menu in front of each of them. "She'll be over in just a minute to get you started." Once they were settled, she turned and strode back to her post. Emily picked up her menu but didn't open it right away, taking a moment instead to glance around. The place wasn't packed, but at least three quarters of the tables were full, which boded well for the cuisine. Better than the last french restaurant they had been to, at least. The interior was dimly lit, recessed lights in the ceiling lined the pathways between tables and candles flickered across the faces of the other diners, casting them in dancing shadows and a muted yellow glow. Music played softly through the room from hidden speakers, loud enough to be heard over the faint din of conversation and the tinkle of silverware but not too loud as to be overwhelming. The walls were a rich brown, with paintings of vineyards and what Emily was assumed was the french countryside in earthy greens and purples and reds spaced about. The wait staff moved seamlessly amongst the maze of tables, unobtrusively delivering meals and checking on their patrons.

"This place is pretty romantic," she said, reaching across the table to clasp Paige's hand, where it rested alongside her napkin. Sideways. In invitation, but not demading. Hoping Emily would reach out, but understanding if she did not. Though of course the smile that graced her lips when Emily's fingers slid against her own was broad and beaming. Clearly thrilled by her decision. It was the little gestures like this that made Emily fall for her a little more each day.

"Yeah, I guess it is." Paige glanced up from her menu to meet her eye, that happy grin still gracing her features. Emily felt her own lips turn up in answer, a wave of affection rolling over her. She gave Emily's hand soft squeeze, then her grip tigthened almost painfully as her eyes slipped past Emily to something behind her.

"Oh, shit," she muttered.

Before Emily could ask her what was wrong, their waitress sidled up to their table.

"Good evening, my name is Dianna and I'll be your server for the evening," she began, glancing first at Emily with a wide, warm smile and then at Paige.

"Paige? Paige McCullers?" She turned towards Paige, leaning her hip against the table as she did, Emily's presence completely forgotten."Is that really you?"

Paige's head bobbed and she cleared her throat. "Hey, Di," she said, shifting uncomfortably in her seat.

"You sure do clean up nice," she said, running her hand along the lapel of Paige's jacket. Her touch lingering a little too long, and a little too close to Paige's breast for Emily's liking.

"A far cry from the ripped jeans and band t-shirts you used to favor." Dianna let out a completely fake sounding laugh. "Though, I suppose this place is also a far cry from that burger shack you used to love so much, isn't it?"

"Well, that was a long time ago," Paige said with a half-shrug.

"Too long," _Di_ agreed whistfully, and Emily sat back in her chair, watching in a sort of morbid fascination as their waitress proceeded to flirt heavily with her girlfriend. She recognized that she should probably be angry. Another woman was flirting with Paige right in front of her. While they held hands across the table. Clearly, they were on a date. And Paige was just too polite to brush her off. But a flustered, uncomfortable Paige was just too adorable to pass up. And, her disinterest made Dianna look kind of pathetic.

She couldn't really fault the woman for her taste, Paige looked fantastic in her suit. But, as the flirting continued, her amusement began to fade and her irritation rose. She squeezed Paige's hand to get her attention, and when Paige's gaze flicked her way Emily gave her a look to let her know she was not impressed.

Paige's eyes went wide as saucers, and Emily half wished she had a camera to capture the almost perfect deer in the headlights look. She swallowed hard and squeezed Emily's hand back, nodding her head slightly, shifting in her chair as she did so. Her gaze darted back to Dianna, who was clearly oblivious to the rising tension at the table.

"So uh..." Paige trailed off, her gaze flicking back to Emily in a silent plea for help.

Emily shook her head slightly, biting back a smile at how out of her depth Paige seemed to be. As if having pretty girls hit on her was really such an anomaly that she didnt't know how to handle it.

"Can you maybe stop flirting with my girlfriend and do your job?" she asked loudly enough to catch the attention of not just Dianna, but the patrons of some of the nearby tables and a passing waitress, all of whom turned to stare at her.

Dianna's smile faltered and her gaze hardened as she pulled herself upright. She squared her shoulders and leveled Emily with what she supposed was meant to be an intimidating stare.

"Can I get you something to drink?" she asked, turning back to Paige and directing the question at her.

"Unbelievable," Emily muttered.

"Two glasses of wine. Red. Whatever the house special is," Paige said, slumping slightly in her chair, cheeks slowly turning red with embarrassment.

"Coming right up." Dianna touched Paige's shoulder, giving it a little squeeze and strode away, but not without turning to shoot a glare at Emily.

"Okay, who was that?" Emily asked as soon as she was out of earshot.

Paige slumped a little further in her seat. "Her name is Dianna...something." She was clearly lying about not knowing her last name. Emily raised an eyebrow, letting her know that she knew, but didn't press her on it. For whatever reason Paige wanted there to be some distance between herself and this other woman. Unless Paige gave her reason not to, Emily would let her.

"Okay. And, how do you know her?"

"We dated," Paige mumbled, averting her gaze. "Briefly. In college. We only went out a few times. And it wasn't anything serious. At least not on my end." Paige hesitated, and though Emily was dying to press for more details she waited, letting Paige tell the story in her own time. "She got drunk at a party one night, completely trashed, and let slip she had feelings for me. I broke up with her the next day. As soon as she was sober. And I didn't really see her much after that. A few times around campus maybe, but it's not like we talked. I had no idea she worked here." Paige met Emily's eyes again, her gaze pleading with her to understand. "If I had, I never would have brought you here." She leaned forward in her seat, her tone conveying the urgency of her words.

"Hey, easy. I know. And I'm not mad. Not at you, anyway." Emily shot a glare in the direction which Dianna had disappeared. "Her, I'm kind of pissed at." She returned her attention to Paige, her expression softening when she saw how distressed she was getting.

"Look, I know what she did was not cool. Do you want to go somewhere else?" Emily couldn't tell if there was a note of hopefulness in Paige's voice or if she was just being paranoid.

"No. No I want to stay here. You obviously put a lot of thought into tonight, into this restaurant and I'm not going to let some disgrunlted ex-girlfriend of yours ruin things."

"She's not even an ex-girlfriend. I ended things way before it got to that point."

"Well, either way she still seems hung up on you." Emily gave Paige's hand a gentle squeeze and shot her a smile, trying to ligthen the mood. "In a way, I can't blame her. You're a catch, Paige McCullers, and if I were her, and you were the one who got away, I'd be upset about it too."

Paige's cheeks pinked once again in a blush, only this time it was accompanied by a small, pleased smile.

"So, what happened between you two?" Emily asked. "Why did you end things instead of seeing what might develop?"

"Because she wasn't you,' Paige said plainly. "We were apart but I never really believed we were over. I was just...biding my time. And it seemed unfair to do that with someone who was developing feelings I knew I could never return."

Emily couldn't decide if that was sad, or sweet. She offered up a soft smile. Out of the corner of her eye she spotted Dianna returning with their.

"I love that you had so much faith in us," she said, leaning forward across the table to press a kiss against Paige's lips.

As they were pulling apart, Dianna placed their drinks down onto the table with enough force to make the liquid slosh around inside the glass, a little bit of it even spilling over the edge of one.

"Are you ready to order?" she asked, glaring at Emily. She made no effort to clean up the spill.

Emily glanced down at the menus that lay unopened on the table. "I think we're going to need a little bit more time. Don't you, babe?" She turned to Paige, who had been watching the exchange with rapt attention but now flinched at being drawn into it. She saw Paige's eyebrow go up at "babe" but she played along, fiddling with Emily's fingers, drawing attention their clasped hands, as she nodded.

"Yeah. A few more minutes would be great," she said, barely looking at Dianna as she spoke.

Huffing, Dianna turned and strode away. Emily waited before she was out of sight before chuckling softly.

"Are we still going to be able to eat here?" she asked, finally flipping her menu open. "Or is she going to spit in our food now?"

"We'll be fine. She won't be back," Paige said, opening her own as well. "She knows she's been beat, so she'll send someone else over here rather than face you again." She shook her head lightly. "That was...I forgot how hot you are when you get jealous."

"I wasn't jealous."

"You so were."

"No...I..." Emily faltered. Had she acted out of jealousy? Being bitchy to a waitress was completely out of character for her. But, the woman had been rude first. She hadn't been doing her job, had been flirting with Paige instead. All Emily had done was call her out. Loudly. In front of everyone around them, including one of her co-workers. And then rub her relationship with Paige in her face like...

"Oh, my god. I was such a jealous bitch," she blurted, as soon as the realization hit her. She leaned forward in her seat, imploring Paige with her words. "I didn't mean to-"

"Easy. Like I said, it was kind of hot."

"Still." Her cheeks burned in embarrasment.

"Hey." Paige reached out with her free hand and cupped her cheek. She stroked it gently. "You didn't do anything wrong. She was out of line and I didn't handle it as well as I should have."

Emily nodded, taking her words. "So does that...happen a lot? Me getting all pissy and territorial?"

"How would you define a lot?"

"Seriously?" Emily groaned.

"I'm kidding. I'm kidding. It's only happened a few times. And, not in a few years, at least. Probably more in college or just after. It's usually the other way around. It's not very often that women hit on me when you're sitting right there, looking like that." Paige waved her hand in Emily's general direction.

"I find that hard to believe."

"Oh, come off it Em. You're gorgeous. And you know it."

Emily knew the words weren't meant as a compliment, but as a statement of fact but she couldn't help but feel pleased by them. She was aware of her looks, but she was still getting used to how other people reacted to her. Having other people notice her, or be attracted to her was still something of a novelty. Not that it really mattered.. The only person she cared about having notice her or be attracted to her was Paige. That's not what she'd meant by her comment though.

Paige was beautiful in her own right. And she found it difficult to imagine that she didn't spend her share of time fending off interested parties.

"And, so are you. I don't buy for a second that you don't turn head wherever you go. So, how is it that you don't know how to shut down women like that?"

"Because it really don't happen as often as you seem to think it does."

"Well, then people need to open their eyes," Emily said, making a point of looking Paige up and down, letting out a small hum of appreciation for what she saw.

Paige chuckled lightly and shook her head. "Shut up and pick out your meal," she said, ducking her head to look at her own menu, but not before Emily noticed the smile playing on her lips and the blush coloring her cheeks.

Emily had narrowed her choices down to two when a waitress, a willowy redhead that was definitely not Dianna approached their table, a warm, but professional smile on her lips, and asked if they were readiy to order. She was friendly and personable as Paige asked about the specials but didn't cross the line into overly-familair or flirty. And she treated Emily equally when she asked for her opinion on the two dishes she was torn between. It was a relief to not have to worry about their waitress for the rest of the night, and Emily felt much more relaxed when they were finally left alone again to wait for their meals.

"So, what happened between us in college?" Emily asked, after a few minutes of playing with the silverware in front of her, debating whether or not to bring it up. They were here to have a good time and she wasn't sure she wanted to drudge up possibly painful memories but at the same time the not knowing was eating away at her. "Why did we break up?"

"College was a momentary lapse in judgement, on both our parts." Paige didn't appear to be put off by the question. Her posture remained loose, her words easy. She continued to play idyly with Emily's fingers. "I don't think either of us were prepared for how much work it was going to be.. Classes were harder. Swimming was harder. There were all these new demands on our time. Campus events and study groups and new friends and parties. We both got caught up. Started to take each other for granted. Slowly, we stopped spending as much time together. We started texting each other less. Soon, a couple days would have gone by and we wouldn't have talked. Then a few days. Then a week. It wasn't anything intentional, we just...both stopped making the effort."

As Paige spoke, Emily started to get flashes of memories. Exhausted late night conversations cancelling plans because one of them had to study or had an early class. Hurriedly typed texts about how slammed they were that week. Putting each other off because a new friend had invited them out somewhere. And yet, despite the realization that she was remembering the breakdown of their relationship, there was no sadness, no pain in the memories. Only a vague feeling of regret and an underlying resolve to do better next time. To plan better next week. To not stay up so late. To start studying a little earlier.

And then, the phone calls petered out. The texts stopped coming in.

 _Emily sat back in her desk chair and rubbed her tired, stinging eyes. She had been reading for hours and she was still only about 1/3 of her way through all the reading she was going to have to do. "Looks like another all nighter," she thought, biting back as sigh as she stood to stretch out her back. Her hand knocking her cell phone from where it rested on the corner of her desk. It landed face down on the ground and she sent up a silent prayer that she hadn't managed to crack the screen any further. There was already a tiny knick in the top corner that she was forever in fear would grow until the touch screen became unusable. She bent down to pick it up and, holding her breath, turned it over. The tiny crack has grown into a small spiderweb. Muttering a curse she flicked her thumb across the screen, bringing the phone to life. It lit up easily enough, and she pressed her finger to various parts of the screen, testing the sensitivy just below the crack. In doing so, she pulled up her contact list._

 _Paige McCullers flashed across the top of the screen in thin black print, accompanied by a photo of the other girl mugging for the camera, and a history of their recent texts. Smiling to herself she tapped on the most recent one, calling up the conversation thread. Though her smile faded when she caught site of the date. Almost two weeks ago. That couldn't be right. Surely, they had talked since then. Except when Emily cast through her memory, she could barely remember the last conversation they'd had, let alone the last time she'd seen her in person. Slowly, she sank down into her desk chair, a heavy, uncomfortable feeling filling her chest as she considered what that might mean._

 _Two days later, the first time either of them had a break in their schedules. And not even much of one at that. Paige had a class in two hours and Emily had a meeting with her advisor shortly after. They sat across from each other in the student union, each of them fiddling with the coffee cup in front of them. Neither of them saying anything. Neither of them drinking. That heavy, uncomfortable feeling in Emily's chest was back, and though hadn't had the courage to say anything, she knew what it meant this time. From the slight slump in Paige's posture and the petulant scowl on her face as she pointedly refuse to meet Emily's gaze, she knew Paige knew what it meant as well._

 _They'd had a good run. Nearly four years. A lot of good memories. Great memories. Maybe it was better this way? No fighting. No drama. No contention between them. An amicable parting._

 _So if that was true, why was her heart twisting so painfully in her chest?_

 _"Paige-"_

 _"Don't. Can we...not?" Paige's voice was small and plaintive. It tore at the breath in Emily's lungs. "I'd rather not turn this into some long, drawn out thing."_

 _It stung that Paige didn't seem to care enough to put up one last fight. That she was willing to let this go, to let them go quietly. But then, they'd both already done that, hadn't they? Let things slip away quietly._

 _Swallowing hard against the lump in her throat and not trusting her voice, Emily nodded. The silence stretched out between them, until abruptly, Paige stood, bumping the table in the process. She scrambled to stop their coffees from tipping over. Once she had steadied them both she rigthtened herself and stood, staring at her hands for a moment before shoving them deep into her pockets._

 _"Goodbye, Em," she said softly, sadly, stooping to press a kiss to Emily's cheek, Her lips, warm and chapped, lingered for a moment before she turned and shuffled away, a defeated slump to her shoulders._

"We thought we dodged a bullet, getting into the same school, and not having to do the long distance thing," Emily took over the narrative. Paige glanced at her, startled, then her eyes widened in realization and she nodded. "Except, we ended up doing exactly what we'd been worried about. We grew apart. We got caught up in the college experience that we stopped working on us."

Paige nodded. "For awhile. Yeah. We were only apart a couple months."

Emily was relieved it hadn't been for long, but disturbed that they had allowed things to come between them so easily.

"It was rough," Paige interrupted her thoughts. "But, I think it made us stronger. Made us realize how high the stakes were. How easy it was to lose everything we wanted. And that we couldn't be lax about spending time together. That we had to put in the effort. Make time."

Emily nodded, thinking about all the times they'd been apart only to come back together. It really did lend itself to the theory that they were simply just meant to be. They had been through a lot, together and apart, but even Emily's complete and total memory loss hadn't separated them for long. They were back now, and stronger than ever. It was like a fairytale, the way they always found their way back together. This conclusion would have disturbed her as little as a couple weeks ago. But, now it was something she found comfort in.

There was something reassuring about their connection. About the permanence of their relationship. She knew it meant that they had to give it more care, more attention, not less. That they couldn't take it for granted Or just assume that the universe, or whatever it was that seemed to always push them back together, would continue to do do no matter how badly they neglected each other. No matter how badly they screwed it. It was their responsibility to make sure they were worthy of such a gift. That they put time and effort into making things work. But it made her feel calm and settled, to know that, rather than anxious or uneasy.

She caught Paige's eye across the table and Paige immediately smiled as her hand squeezed Emily's. She returned the pressure, an anwering smile crossing her own lips.

 _This is the woman I'm going to spend the rest of my life with_. The thought came to Emily with certainty. She wasn't sure it it was a new truth, or an old one resurfacing along with her memories, though it didn't really matter either way. She was just happy to have come to the realization and feel a thrill of excitement at the prospect.


	41. Chapter 41

**Author's Note:** Happy New Year. I hope that everyone had a nice holiday. It was tough, getting out of holiday mode and back to work, but breaktime is over and I'd like to get back to a regular writing schedule. Thank you, everyone, for your patience as well as your kind reviews and encouraging words.

Guest I will show a flashback of how they got back together in college. It was suppposed to be this chapter but things took a turn. It will come up shortly though.

Guest Thank you.

Nyxxn: Thank you. I hope you had a good holiday. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. Yeah, it was tough on them, but it strenghtened their relationship in the long run, because they realized they had to keep working on it, couldn't take it for granted. And I think it was sort of the last bump in the road for them, up until now. And I'll be getting into what Emily did in the time apart in the next few chapters.

 **Chapter 41**

Emily wasn't surprised that Paige had planned a part two of their date. When they left the restaurant and Paige drove them deeper into the citry rather than back towards Rosewood Emily went along with it, eager to see what else Paige had up her sleeve. She wasn't quite sure what she was expecting, but she knew it wasn't for Paige to turn off into the parking lot of a large multiplex cinema. It's not that going to the movies was a bad idea. As far as dates went, it was classic. But with how dressed up they were and how hard Paige had lobbied for them to go out tonight she had been expecting something...grander. When Paige had said show, Emily had assumed she meant a play, or something. It was her own fault for making assumptions, she guessed.

"Here?" she asked, turning to give Paige a skeptical glance.

"What's wrong with here?" Paige seemed unperturbed as she turned off the ignition and undid her seatbelt.

Emily glanced back at the crowd gathering on the steps outside, large groups of tweens and teens, Mom's with toddlers, a few couples her parents age or older.

"Nothing's wrong with here," she said, eyeing the sea of casual wear spread out before them. "I love the movies. It's just...aren't we a little overdressed?"

"So?" Paige shrugged, appearing to be genuinely unconcerned by the prospect of heading out their in her best date finery, though slowly her demeanor changed. Her shoulders tensed and her face fell a little, uncertainty creeping across her features.

"What? Do you want to go somewhere else?" She asked, sound a little less enthused, a little less confident.

Emily felt bad about questioning her. She hated that she had the ability to reduce Paige to insecurity. "No. No, I want to stay here," she said firmly, undoing her seatbelt and reaching for her door handle.

"Em." Paige put a hand on her arm, stopping her before she climbed out.

She released her grip on the door and turned back to face Paige. "I mean it. I want to go in there and watch a movie with you. Or, not watch a movie with you." She wiggled her eyebrows, going for a bit of levity. Paige barely cracked a smile. Sighing, she placed her hand over Paige's, where it rested on her arm, and gave it a gentle squeeze. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to rag on your idea. I've had a great time so far, and I'm sure that this will be no different."

Paige studied her face for along minute, looking unconvinced. "Is it because you're still self-concious about this?" She raised their joined hands.

"No." Emily shook her head. "It didn't even cross my mind." And it hadn't. Her intitial reaction had everything to do with their attire, and absolutely nothing to do with whether or not people would stare at them or judge them for being on a date. "I swear. It was all about getting greasy popcorn stains on my dress or being spilled on by some soccer mom and nothing else." She held Paige's gaze, hoping that her sincerity shone through.

"You're sure?"

"Absolutely. I couldn't be prouder to be out on a date with you. And I don't care who knows it."

After a long moment, Paige nodded. "We really can go somewhere else. Somewhere a little more...upscale?"

"No. Dinner and a movie. It's classic. And you don't mess with the classics. Let's go." Having to talk Paige back into it was making Emily excited about it herself.

She had never been to the movies on a date before. It was such a basic thing and she couldn't remember ever experiencing it.. And she had a feeling that was why Paige had brought her here. To give her a timeless memory.

"Okay." Paige nodded, her smile returning. Once again she was all enthusiasm and energy as she slid out of the car and hurried around to open the door for Emily.

"Leave the crutches here?" she asked after she had helped Emily from the car.

Emily nodded and twisted her grip around Paige's hand so that she could lace their fingers together for the short walk across the parking lot. Her dress swirled around her legs and a gentle wind lifted her curls. Despite her cast and her uneven stride she felt feminine and pretty and sexy all dressed up, with Paige by her side.

As they reached the steps Emily felt eyes on her, but the attention didn't bother her the way she thought it would. So what if they looked out of place amongst the leather jackets and battered sneakers, the mom jeans and fleece jackets.

"People are staring," Paige whispered as they made their way up the steps. "Are you okay with that?"

Emily nodded and tilted her head towards Paige's ear. Dropping her voice low so it wouldn't carry she said, "so let them. They're just jealous because they're not having as good a time tonight as we are."

Paige chuckled softly as she stepped ahead of Emily to get the door, pulling it open and ushering Emily inside without ever dropping her hand. Emily offered a smile of thanks as she stepped through, then paused to press a kiss to Paige's cheek before continuing on, gently tugging Paige after her. They joined the end of the ticket line and Emily took a quick survey of the movie listings before realizing that none of the titles meant anything to her. Keeping up on the latest releases hadn't exactly been a priority lately.

"What do you want to watch?" she asked, leaning in and resting her head on Paige's shoulder.

"Hmm?" Paige hummed in response, her attention on reading the listings. "What do you think?" She nodded towards the board.

"Whatever you want is fine with me."

Paige turned to her, one eyebrow raised, a smirk playing across her lips. "Really?"

"Oh, God. One of those is one of the sci-fi nerd films that you like, isn't it?"

Paige chuckled softly turned her head pressed a kiss to Emily's temple. "Yes. But, relax. Caleb, Toby and I already have plans to come see it. You're of the hook. "

"Have I told you how much I love you?"

"Yeah, yeah. What do you want to watch?"

Emily shrugged as they shuffled forward in line, overcome with the feeling that they could go around and round on this topic for awhile, but not minding in the least.

Depite it's length, the line moved quickly and within a few minutes they had their tickets and a tray loaded down with popcorn and sodas in hand as they made their way down the hall the the theatre playing the movie Paige had eventually picked, the one with the earliest start time. There were only a few minutes to go, and Emily was pleased to see that the theatre was mostly empty. There were a few couples spread across the middle section and a group of teenagers in the lower left corner, but there was a sea of empty seats.

Getting up the stairs was a bit of a laborious task, but Emily gripped tightly to Paige's hand for support and shuffle stepped her way to a spot about halfway up the aisle. She slipped into a seat and Paige slid in next to her. There was nobody around them for rows, the closest couple was six rows forward and all the way to the other end of the aisle.

"Comfy?" Paige asked as soon as they'd settled.

Emily nodded as she shifted in place. Theatre seats had changed since the last time she'd been to a movie. They were larger, and comfier, with a softer back and a head rest. And, they reclined, she realized, watching in amusement as Paige pushed the seat all the way back, until she was almost reclining and then let it snap back up. She was like a little kid, fidgeting and kicking the seat in front of her. At one point she even crossed her legs over back of the empty seat in front of her and leaned back to throw popcorn up in the air and try to catch in her mouth. It was no surprise to Emilly that she managed to catch almost every piece. She only missed one, which bounced off her chin and landed in Emily's cleavage.

"Don't even think about it," Emily warned after she watched Paige's head turn, following the trajectory of the kernal, her eyes ligthing up at it's final resting place. She was thankful that the dim light inside the theatre hid the blush that heated her cheeks at the thought of letting Paige go for it, and retrieve the piece herself. She picked the popcorn out and flicked it at Paige, hitting her in the cheek. Then grabbed the bowl and moved it out of Paige's reach before she could retaliate.

Just as Paige was sitting up to wrestle her for it, the lights went down, casting the room into darkness. Beside her, Paige huffed loudly and flopped back against her seat. Smiling smugly to herself, Emily placed the bowl in her lap and took a handful as the previews started to roll. A second later, Paige's hand dipped into the bowl as well, her fingers brushing lightly against Emily's as she snagged a couple pieces of popcorn. Emily's heart fluttered at the touch and she smiled to herself as she glanced over at Paige in the dark. She glanced over at Emily and offered up a small smile before turning her attention back to the movie.

She thought it was just an accident, but the next time she reached for some popcorn, Paige's hand followed. Soon it became clear that Paige was doing it on purpose. Every time Emily reached for popcorn, Paige's fingers brushed against her own. It was such a small, simple thing, but it sent a warmth blossoming through her chest. She couldn't help but glance over every time to get a glimpse of Paige's face. The light from the screen reflected over her features, casting her in a muted blue glow. The sight before her was more interesting than anything that could possibly be playing out across the screen and Emily knew instinctively that she wouldn't be paying much attention to the film. Instead, she would be watching Paige watch the movie.

They were only a few minutes in, but already Paige was absorbed. Emily could tell by the small smiles that twitched on her lips, and the way she sat and stared, unblinking for so long. Emily turned her face toward the screen, but continuously cast sidelong glances at Paige in between bites of popcorn and sips of soda.

Between the two of them, it didn't take long before the bowl was almost empty. As her finger started to scrape at unpopped kernals, Emily felt a pang of disappointment, knowing that soon there would be no excuse for any more "accidental" brushes.

The next time Paige's hand followed hers into the bowl, Emily turned her hand, snagging Paige's fingers with her own and lacing them together. Both of their hands were greasy and covered in little salt particles, so the hold was slippery and a little akward, but Paige gave her hand a little squeeze and tigthened her grip.

The sensation triggered a memory.. _Sitting in a dark, nearly empty theatre, heart fluttering, hands shaking, an eager, anxious sort of breathless feeling clawing at her chest. A date. Her first real, in public date. She was so excited that she could barely sit still, but also so nervous that her palms were sweating._

 _They'd walked into the theatre lobby together, their entrance attracting the attention of a few classmates and some random strangers. She wondered if everyone knew they were on a date. It was a Saturday night and everyone seemed to be coupled off. Were the stares simply curious or judgemental? Though Emily wondered, she couldn't bring herself to be truly concerned. Her excitement overrode her worries and uncertainty._

 _Their hands brushed together as they both reached for the popcorn, the touch sending a thrill up her arm. Reflexively Emily pulled away, resting her hand on the divider between the seats instead, fingers gripping into the fabric. Her face heated in a blush that she was greatful was hidden in the darkness of the theatre and her body was abuzz. She felt a brush against her pinky finger and glanced down just in time to see Maya's pinky gliding lightly against her own. Mesmerized, she watched the movements, then tore her gaze away to glance up at Maya, who was watching her face, studying her as she increased the pressure of her touch. Emily's pinky twitched involuntarily, and then she moved it deliberately, curling it lightly around Maya's as she offered up a smile. Maya's face broke out into a wide, answering grin and she shifted her hand, covering Emily's hand with it completely and lacing their fingers together. Her skin was cool and soft, though also coated with greasey residue from the popcorn. It wasn't unpleasant, just 's attention drifted back down to their hands, adjusting to the feeling and idea of Maya's hand in her own, in public, for all the world to see. Sure, they were in a theatre and it was dark and there weren't many people around them. But, there were still people around them. People they went to school with. People they passed in the street or saw in church or knew their smile on her face only growing as the reality of what they were oing sank in._

 _"Pay attention," Maya teased lightly, leaning in close. "You're missing the movie." She glanced back up, her gaze flicking across Maya's face. From her eyes, dark pools that faintly reflected Emily's gaze back at her in the dull, flickering light, to her lips, which were so close and looked so soft and inviting. Heart pounding, breath scrabbling in her chest she leaned forward and gently pressed her lips against Maya's. They were soft. And warm. They tasted of salt and butter and faintly of the chaptstick she must have put on before heading out._

 _Maya sighed softly into the kiss and then returned the pressure. She parted her lips, deepening the kiss. Her tongue swept against Emily's bottom lip before slipping into her mouth. Her hand threaded into Emily's hair, pulling her closer, holding her in place as they kissed, slow and languid._

 _Gradually, the kiss slowed and trailed off into a series of soft pecks, and then Maya pulled away, looking slightly dazed, a smile playing on her lips_

 _Schooling her features, Emily faced forward. "Pay attention," she teased, her smile struggling to break free. "You're missing the movie."_

 _Maya chuckled softly as she flopped back into her seat._

A series of memories followed. The look on her father's face when she told him she was gay. Sitting on the staircase listening to them talk about her, argue about her, like she was something to be fixed. The way her mother couldn't, wouldn't meet her eye and her father fumbled over his words as he tried to express his love and support. The ache in her chest when her mother said that her relationship with Maya made her sick to her stomach. Coming out to her friends, and being met with their unwavering support. The way Maya's face lit up in a smile when she saw her across room, and how her fingers would instantly lace into Emily's as soon she got closed. How she would rise up onto her toes to press a kiss to her lips in greeting. And how she didn't pull back and look around to see if anyone saw them after she had. Being happy and in love with a beautiful girl who was sweet to her and made her smile. The way her smile faltered as things started to fall apart. The sweet, beautiful girl pulling away from her, growing distant. Being heartbroken. Crying into Hannah's shoulder while Aria and Spencer tried to make her feel better. The look of devastation onf Paige's face when she told her that they could only be friends. Being won over once again by sweet words and softly whispered promises. The pang of guilt and sadness in her chest every time she caught the hangdog expression on Paige's face when she passed her in the hall while she was with Maya. The tension in the locker room and the way Paige avoided looking her way when they were at practice. The way Maya's kisses made her stomach flutter and her heart race. The affection in her eyes as they lay facing each other on Maya's bed, whispering and giggling together as they got to know each other once again.

The memories came rapidly and somewhat disjointed, but it didn't take much work for Emily's mind to sort them into order. It didn't take long to for her to realize that she was remembering being happy and in love with someone other than Paige. Though it was a long time past, the memories brought the feelings to the surface in a way that made them feel almost new. It made Emily feel uncomfortable, disloyal even.

She didn't realize she had a white knuckle grip on Paige's hand until she felt her fingers being gently pried loose, Paige's hands closing around her own as she leaned forward, putting her face directly in front of Emily's, her features etched with concern. Her mouth moved, she wasy saying something, but her voice sounded like it was coming to Emily from miles away.

"Are you okay? Em, what is it? What's wrong?" Her brain finally processed the words, but Paige was no longer speaking. She had moved past that and was gently tugging Emily to her feet.

"Wait. What are you doing?" Emily protested as Paige guided her carefully down the steps. "We're going to miss the end of the movie."

Paige ignored her protests and pushed open the theatre door. They stumbled into the hallway, blinking against the onslaught of light against their eyes. Emily's vision was still adjusting as Paige ushered her into the bathroom across the hall, empty now that most of the movies were mid-way through.

"What's going on, Em?" she spun around to face Emily as soon as the door swung shut behind them. "And, don't tell me it's nothing You're white as a sheet and your hands are shaking."

Emily ganced down at her hands to find they were indeed shaking. She balled her fingers into a fist, attempting to conceal the tremors. Paige guided her by the shoulders to lean against the counter and she sagged against it, thankful for it's support.

"It's just some memories," she said, averting her gaze from Paige's warm, concerned one. "A lot of stuff from high school. Coming out to my dad. The fights me and my mom had..."

"Maya," Paige finished when Emily trailed off.

Wordlessly, Emily nodded. She kept her gaze on the scuffed tiles beneath her feet, unable to meet Paige's eye as they talked about her ex and the feelings that had resurfaced along with the memories.

"Hey, Em. Look at me." Paige's voice was soft and soothing. Reflexively, Emily glanced up to meet her eye and was suprised when she saw no pain, no hurt, no judgement there. "What's wrong?"

Emily shrugged and shook her head at the same time, not even sure she knew how to put it into words. The memories had stirred up feelings she wasn't prepared to deal with. Up until now her past, and her previous relationships had been an abstract that. She knew that both exsisted but didn't really feel a connection to them. She had been so eager to reforge that connection with Paige, to bridge the gap between their past and their present, that it hadn't really occured to her that doing so would also reconnect her with the other women she'd been with.

It made Emily felt disloyal to Paige for ever having feelings for anyone else, when she had someone so sweet, kind and eager to love her right in front of her the whole time. It had been hard enough hearing about all the times and all the ways she'd pushed Paige away in the past. But to relive it now, to actually feel what she'd felt back then and realize that her concern for Paige had been a mere blip on the radar, it was a hard pill to swallow. She didn't even know how to begin explaining. How to begin apologizing for her cold, unkind teenage actions.

"Paige.."..." she faltered, and then it all came pouring out, the memories, the feelings, the guilt, the words coming so fast she was tripping over them in her haste to get them all out.

"Hey, easy." Paige drew Emily into her arms, and Emily clung to her, burying her face in the side of her neck and hugging her tightly. Paige ran her hands soothingly up and down Emily's back and combed her fingers through her hair. "It's okay," she whispered, turning her head to press a kiss against the side of Emily's head.

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry? For what?"

"For not choosing you. For being with someone ese. For..."

"For loving someone else?" Once again Paige finished for her when she could not.

Wordlessly, Emily nodded.

"Em, no. You have nothing to apologize for. Loving someone is not something you should feel guilty or ashamed about. Okay? You guys were happy together, for a time. You remember that now, right?"

"Yeah ...q21But, I hurt you."

"I know it all feels really fresh right now, but it was a long time ago," Paige murmured. "We tried it out, and it didn't work. We both had a lot to work through back then. We just weren't ready for each other yet."

"Do you really believe that?" Emily whispered, pulling back enough to meet Paige's eye, but not letting go. "Or are you just saying it to make me feel better?"

'Can't it be both?"

Emily allowed a small smile at Paige's hopeful grin. "Well, I guess I have my answer," she teased.

."Think about it, with everything we were both going through back then, do you think our relationship would have survived?" Paige asked, suddenly serious. "Do you think we'd still be together today if we'd decided to stick it out, way back when I was still in the closet and didn't think I would ever make it out?"

Emily tried to look back over the memories she'd accumulated and look at them critically, not emotionally. It certainly would have put a lot of strain on their relationship. Having to hide and lie and sneak around. And it's not like they both hadn't already been dealing with their share of challenges back then. She couldn't honestly say that she believed they would have made it.

"I don't know," she admitted. "I'd like to think we could have survived, but then that means facing the fact that I wasted so much time we could have been together with other people."

"No, you can't look at it like that, Em. You can't look back with regret."

Emily nodded, trying to take Paige's words on board.

"Everything we've been through, collectively and apart it has made us who we are, and it's brought us to this moment. Without any of that, who knows where we might have ended up. And that includes our past relationships."

Emily appreciated that Paige included herself in the statemet even though they both knew she had basically been waiting for Emily all that time.

"Hey, promise me." Paige's hands went to her face, cupping her cheeks gently and using her grip to guide Emily's head up so she was looking at her. "Promise me you won't beat yourself up over things that happened a long time ago?"

It was a hard promise to make. One Emily wasn't entirely sure she would be able to keep. But, she nodded, whispering out a soft "I promise." She owed it to herself and to Paige to at least try.

Paige studied her for a long moment, long enough that Emily almost started to feel uncomfortable under the scrutiny, then nodded. "Do you want to get out of here?"

Emily wanted nothing more than to go home and put on her pajamas and cuddle with Paige, putting all of the memories and the confusion they brought aside for awhile. But she felt bad for cutting the date short and ruining Paige's efforts.

"We can go back and finish watching the movie, if you want."

"I don't care about the movie. I care about you. What do you want to do?"

"Take me home?"

"Of course." Paige offered up a sweet smile and stepped back offering Emily her hand. Smiling back weakly, Emily took it, and allowed herself to be led out of the theatre.


	42. Chapter 42

**Author's Note** I apologize for the length of time between chapters. Writers block, then computer problems, then a week away on vacation kept me from writing. I'm back home now and brimming with ideas. Though my computer is still having fits.

I also apologize for not replying to your reviews individually. I have read them all. And I appreciate them all so very much. But my computer will only operates in basic mode at the moment, and unfortunately I can't access the links to respond. I will reply as soon as I get my computer running properly again.

Thank you all for your patience. I know I test it sometimes. :)

 **Chapter 42**

Paige was quiet on the drive back to Rosewood. Emily kept sneaking sidelong glances at her, trying to determine if she was angry or upset about how the evening had unfolded or their date being cut short but she didn't appear to be either. There was no tension in her body. She gripped the wheel loosely, her movements fluid and easy as she changed lanes, turned and braked. Her expression neutral, the muscles in her jaw and across her brow relaxed. It took awhile for Emily to realize, or more rather accept, the fact that Paige was fine and her being quiet was her way of giving Emily space to process everything that had happened tonight.

And it was a lot to process. She has essentially experienced a year long relationship in a matter of minutes. From that first fluttery feeling of attraction to falling in love, to the heartbreak of things falling apart. The sometimes conflicting emotions of all of those moments, all of those memories, tumbled all over each other and became muddled together in one big ball of uncertainty and confusion.

What's worse, memories just kept on coming. The influx had slowed, but they still continued to flash through her mind. And she was living through it all over again, first date jitters and butterflies, every smile, every kiss, every moment spent walking hand in hand or laying together, talking quietly. Every argument. Every unanswered call. Every hesitant, nervous voicemail. The uncertainty of not knowing what was going on, why things were falling apart. The pain of holding on instead of letting go.

For weeks, all Emily had wanted was her memories back but now that they were coming back, all she wanted was for them to stop. To be able to go back to the blissful ignorance of only knowing the love of one person. Of feeling like her entire romantic history had revolved around Paige. She knew it wasn't true, that they hadn't always been together. Paige had admitted as much, in as great of detail as she was capable of going. Yet somehow Emily hadn't heeded her words, and was now feeling blindsided by the truth as it was revealed to her.

It wasn't just Maya either. She was starting to remember Samara and Alison. With Samara it was light and easy. Carefree for the first time in a long time. No longer worried about what people thought about her if they saw her walking down the street holding another girl's hands and free of the emotional baggage of her previous relationship. It wasn't built to last, and she wasn't exactly heartbroken when it ended.

And then there was Alison. The blond beauty who sat one row over from her in the next seat up. Her long, silky curls fanning out across her back, constantly caught Emily's eye and made her want to run her hands through it. Even as she told herself that it was just jealousy at the fact that her own hair wasn't as long or as lush. The regal way in which she held herself at a time when everyone else was slouching around and hugging the corners a constant distraction to Emily when she should have been taking notes. The warm smile she would shoot Emily whenever she passed her desk on the way into or out of class made her palms sweat and her face flush. The soft, musical lilt of her voice had Emily straining her to hear every word she said whenever she was within earshot. The way she looked right into Emily's eyes when she was speaking to her was unerving, and also a little thrilling. As was the way her heart fluttered in her chest whenever Alison would compliment her, telling her she was petty, or that her hair looked nice that day or that she really loved her earrings. The words no different than what her friends told her but for the effect they had on her. Even the simplest of praise never failed to make her blush and stutter. The casual way in which she spoke about boys as if they were playthings but was always magnanimous with Emily. The way she could swtich so easily from being charming to casually cruel. Her dry wit, which never failed to make Emily laugh. Even when she felt guilty doing so.

The more time they spent together, the more Emily started to notice little things about her. The way her eyes light up whenever she smiled. And how her lips always looked soft and shimmery. And how she always smelled faintly of strawberries.

She felt jealous whenever Alison seemed to favor one of the other girls. She coveted every smile. Every laugh. Every compliment. She blushed and stumbled and fumbled her words when Alison's attention was on her.

Their first kiss, soft and nervous and sweet.

 _Emily's heart pounded loudly in her ears, drowing out the sounds of the students talking, laughing, shuffling around them, hidden from sight by the stacks that she and Ali were seated in. Even the musical lilt of Ali's voice was lost in the rythmic whoosh, like waves breaking across the shore, that was her excellerated heart rate. Emily watched her lips move, saw them making shapes as she read the passage from Great Expectations aloud but all she could hear was the rush in her own head. All she could focus on was on how soft and smooth they looked, shimmery with the lip gloss that she knew tasted faintly of rasberries from when she had borrowed it two days ago. How her hand had shaken as she'd applied the brush to her lips, a heat flashing through her as she contemplated that the very same brush had touched Ali's lips. Now, her palm burned as she rested them lightly against Ali's thigh, the touch causing her to pause in her reading and turn to face Emily, her eyebrows raised in question. Before she could talk herself out of it, or consider the consequences of her actions, Emily leaned forwrard, brushing her lips lightly against Alison's. She closed her eyes, squeezing her lids tightly together as she lingered, trying to commit this moment to memory in case she never got an opportunity. She felt faint, like she might pass out as she pulled away kept her eyes closed, not wanting to see the look of disgust or dissapointment on Ali's face, if she had read the signals wrong._

 _"Em..." Alison implored softly, but Emily refused to open her eyes. Refused to be let down gently just yet. She wanted another moment to savour the feeling of Alison's lips pressed softly against her own._

 _Alison's hand was cool as it cupped her cheek. Her breath warm as it washed across her skin a second before Alison's lips slid softly against her own._

The kiss had been a confirmation. It had been acceptance of who she was. It had been finally bucking fear and the constraints she felt winding tighter and tighter around her the more she tried to deny her feelings. Her attractions. There had been a couple more nervous, giddy kisses but as the forbiddenness of kissing another girl wore off, so did the rush. It only took a few days for them to recognize that for all their love and attraction their feelings were platonic. They were friends. Good friends. And worked so much better that way than they ever did as a couple. Ali returned to her ways, flitting from guy to guy, using them as playthings until she got bored. And Emily met Maya soon after. They didn't reallly talk about it again, though Emily wasn't exactly suprised when Ali dated a girl for a few months during their freshman year of college.

She now knew about Ali, Maya and Samara but she was desperate to know if there had been anyone else. If she had dated during her and Paige's time apart in college. As if prompted by her thoughts, a flurry of memories cascaded over her.

"There was nobody else. In college, I didn't date anyone while we were apart." Her voice was soft but it was enough to capture Paige's attention. Emily caught her gaze shoot over to her before returning back to the road.

"You remember?"

Emily nodded. "Still not everything." There were some gaps in those first few months. "But enough to know that college wasn't everything I thought it would be. It was harder. More stressful."

Paige nodded. "Yeah," she said with a soft chuckle. "The first few weeks were a shock. Swimming. The courseload. Man, that was brutal."

"Yeah. I was more homesick than I thought I would be. I was used to my dad being gone, but I'd never really been apart from my work was so much harder than it had been in high school. Swimming was so much more intense. And I hated having to share a room with some stranger."

Paige reached out and rubbed a soothing hand up and down her leg. "I remember. It was tough going for you, at first."

Emily nodded, then laid her hand over Paige's, stilling her motion. "It never really got better. I just got better at hiding it."

Paige glanced over, surprise written across her features.

"You and your roomate hit it off immediately. Everyone on the team loved you. You aced your classes. You had friends everywhere you went."

"Em-"

"And I was struggling with every aspect of being away from home. I missed my parents. I was over my head in most of my classes. The reason I never had any time to hang out wasn't because I was going out with new friends. I didn't have any new friends. I didn't have anyone. I spent all of my time studying. And I was still barely passing."

"How come you never told me any of this before?" Paige looked striken by this new information, and Emily remembered once again why she had never wanted her to know. Because she knew Paige would take the information personally, like it was some kind of personal failure of hers or like it had been her responsibility to ensure Emily's success and happiness.

"Because, I didn't want you to know. Paige, I felt like a failure."

"You know I would never think that of you." Paige sounded wounded by even the possibility.

"I know. But, it's what I thought of myself."

College were supposed to be the best years of your life, and she had found herself hating every minute of her time there. . At first she just hadn't wanted to burden her girlfriend, who was flourishing, finally free from all of the hurt and doubt and anger that had plagued her in high school so she had hidden her struggles. But gradually she had started to think that there had to be something wrong with her, and the fear of Paige finding out and looking at her differently for it had terrified her.

"Watching you walk out the door was the hardest thing I'd ever done. I regretted it the moment you were gone. I so badly wanted to run after you, beg you to take me back. But I knew if we did, we'd just end up back in that place in another few weeks, a month."

She watched Paige's jaw work as she processed that information. As painful as it was to admit it, Emily knew it was true, their relationship had just been one more thing she had to juggle.

As difficult as Paige breaking up with her had been, it had also served as a wake up call that she couldn't continue to let things go on like that. Her parents had raised her to be a fighter and she wasn't about to let them down now. So she had gone to her advisor, who had set her up with some study groups to help with the material. And she talked to the coach about extra training with one the assistants and she started making an effort with her roomate. Small things at first like simple small talk, and soon enough they were having movie nights and going for coffee together. The study group led to a few friendships, and soon Emily was flourishing. She still missed her parents, but she wasn't so desperately homesick. Suddenly, college was everything she had hoped it would be. Except for one vital thing. Paige.

"It took me a couple months, before I finally got my act together," she said, completing her explanation. "And by that point I was terrified that I had lost you for good."

Paige had blossomed in college, really coming into her own. She was more comfortable in her own skin. More confident. She was smart and sweet and fun and funny. And unbelievably beautiful without even being aware of it. She was a catch. And Emily had no doubt that other woman had noticed that as well. Surely Paige would have moved on. Would have found some other woman who wouldn't cause her as much pain as Emily had over the years. Because looking back, she could see how much she had hurt Paige, how she had cast her aside and taken her for granted. She knew there was a very real possibility that Paige was done with her. But, she wasn't about to give her up without one last fight.

College was supposed to have been their time. And while she might have fumbled the start a bit, she wasn't about to let their entire future, everything they had dreamed about since eleventh grade, slip through her fingers.

"I spent a week trying to think up some grand, romantic gesture to win you back. I called all the girls for advice. I even asked my mother. And while I was in the middle of wracking my brain trying to come up with something worthy of you-"

"We ran into each other at that dive bar off campus," Paige filled in for her. "At like 2 a.m. You were drunk-"

"Not drunk. More like tipsy. A little buzzed."

"You were drunk," Paige repeated.

Emily shrugged, unwilling to concede Paige's point, even if she was right.

 _They were doing a pub-cawl to celebrate Emily's roomate's best-friend's cousin's birthday. Or something like that. She was there with a group she was only tangentially a part of, and the draw of the evening was wearing thin. She'd had more than her fair share of drinks and was now tired, hungry and a little dazed. She'd left her group by the karaoke machine in the back room and had made her way up to the bar to order something to eat, something heavy and greasy and completely forbidden during her competition season when she spotted her. Paige. Her Paige,. Except, she wasn't her Paige anymore. She wasleaning casually against the wall by the pool tables, a cue in one hand, a beer in the other. She was dressed casually, in jeans that hugged her muscled thighs and calves, and even though Emily couldn't see, knew would show off her shapely ass, and a red shirt over a black t-shirt. Her hair was longer than the last time Emily had seen her, and lighter too, the chestnut brown tinted with gold and auburn. She looked good, fit, relaxed, happy even, a smile playing on her lips and her laugh coming easily as she watched the guy she was playing with mess up his shot. He snarked something at her, and she taunted something right back before taking a long swig of beer and then pushing herself off the wall._

 _Emily stood in the doorway transfixed, watching as Paige bent over the pool table and made her shot. She sank three balls before missing and conceded her turn to the guy amongst another round of banter._

 _Emily didn't even realize she was moving until she was halfway across the room towards her. She only noticed how close she was when Paige glanced up and Emily could see the suprise that flashed across her face, the emotions that flickered in her eyes._

 _Emily had been imagining how this moment would go for days, weeks even. How she would win her back with moving romantic words. Instead what came out of her mouth was a drunken, slurred exclamation of her name as she fairly launched herself at Paige. It was less of a hug, more of a barely controlled fall. Their bodies collided and Paige let out an oomph as she stumbled backwards, her arms circling around Emily's waist more for support than out of affection._

 _Emily sighed at the feel of Paige pressed against her once again and burrowed her face into the side of her neck, breathing deeply the scent of her._

That was where the memory went a bit fuzzy, though not from the amnesia but from the effects of the alcohol she'd drank that night finally taking hold. She she had a vague recollection of Paige takig care of her. Of getting her coffee ad some fries and sitting with her while she sobered up. Then she took Emily back to her dorm.

 _Paige was still in the room when she woke up. What's more, she was curled on her side beside Emily, the two of them squished together on Emily's twin bed. It wasn't the first time the two of them had fallen alseep on that bed. And she desperately hoped it would not be the last._

 _She feigned sleep for as long as her pounding head and dry as a bone through would allow just to have another few minutes of this unguarded moment with Paige. Because Emily knew as soo as she stirred, Paige would wake and the things would get awkard. Finally, the pressure in her head and the pain ever time she swallowed became to much and she shifted away. As predicted, Paige was instantly awake. Unlike what she had expected, Paige was not awkard or weird. With a softly whispered "good morning' she rose from the bed clad in only her boxers and t-shirt and moved unabashadly around the room as she rummaged up a bottle of water and asprin for Emily. It was impossible for Emily to keep her eyes off her, her gaze wandering over her frame, taking in the long, muscular legs, so much of which were currently on display and the way her broad shoulders filled out her slim-fit shirt, and how the flimsy material made it obvious she wasn't wearing a bra. She had to be aware of Emily's attentions, but she didn't seem to notice them, or mind, as she moved around easily,, or when she dropped down onto the bed next to her,smiling sympathetically as she handed her the drink and two pills._

 _She acted more like a girlfriend than a friend as they spent the day lying in bed together, Emily's head in her lap, Paige stroking her hair soothingly and lightly massaging away her headache as they watched Netflix and ate junk food and greasy fast food in mostly silence._

 _All of Emily's feelings, never far from the surface, came rushing back at their closeness, at their contact. Yet, Paige had rebuffed her. Had pushed her away. And hadn't brought it up again. Her heart sank, and tears burned at her vision at the prospect that Emily's turn around might have come to late. That Paige had moved on. Only to rise in hope again every time Paige's hand rested on her stomach, her fingers slipping just beneath the hem of her shirt to splay against her skin. Just to fall again at the possibility that the actions might be reflexive, a throwback to habits born when they were together._

 _It was bliss, being with Paige again like this, except her mind would not rest, constantly cataloging and analysing every gesture, every move. By the end of the day, she was a mess of hope and expectations and doubt and uncertainty. She had no idea what any of it meant, but she was afraid to break the wonderful spell by bringing it up._

 _As night fell, it drew closed the wonderful, yet somewhat confusing day the two of them had shared. Emily found herself both relieved, and dissapointed when Paige had looked at her watch and commented that it was getting late. It was nearly midnight, and her nerves were shot. She didn't want to move from the warmth of her spot, of the cocoon of blankets and Paige's arms, but she wasn't sure how much longer she could withstand such close contact._

 _Instead of extracting herself however, Paige had reached for the lamp on the bedside table and flicked it off. The room was thrust into darkness. Emily's heart siezed in her chest and she held herself still, a silent tableau. The seconds ticked by as she waited for whatever came next. The stillness of the room was broken by the rustle of covers and the dip of the bed as Paige shuffled into place next to her, sliding down the bed so her head rested on the pillow. She turned onto her side, facing Emily in the dark. She craned her neck, her lips unnerringly finding Emily's in a deep, languid kiss. Emily's pounded in her chest and a shiver coursed through her as Paige's tongue gently probed into her mouth. It had been so long. Too long, since she had felt Paige's kiss. A soft sigh left her mouth, meant, and taken, as encouragement, as Paige eased herself over Emily, slowly, equisitley lowering weight down onto her._

Suddenly and without even really discusssing it, they were back together. It was like the brief breakup had never happened, they just continued like they had been doing so all along. Emily never did get to say any of the gand, romantic things she'd intended to win her over. Which was probably a good thing, because she didn't really have anything worthy of the apology she knew she owed Paige, or the depth of her feelings. But, she did her best to show Paige how much she meant to her, plannning romantic dinners and taking her on dates in the city and doing everything she could to show Paige that she had learned her lesson and would never again take her for granted. As Paige has said, the time apart had been tough, but they were stronger, better for it.

Paige was quiet for a long moment, her gaze taking on a faraway expression as she reminiced. Or maybe she was trying to reconcile her memory of events with this newly revealed information.

"I'm sorry for not telling you all this sooner," Emily said into the silence. "For letting you wonder if there had been anyone else. You were pretty adamant about not wanting the details of our time apart. And I was too embarrassed to push. I felt like explaning part would have meant explaning it all. But, I should have set you straight."

"Yeah," Paige said with a soft sigh. "You should have. I wish you had told me. And not just for my sake. That's a lot for you tocarry around. But I get why you didn't. Insecurities. I know them well." She offered up a brief smile, and Emily felt a wave of relief wash over her that Paige wasn't upset or angered by the new revelations.

"Thank you, for saying that." Emily laced her fingers through Paige's and gave her had a squeeze. Paige squeezed back, and then relaxed back into her seat, her attention focused on driving once again.

Emily thought she would be able to relax as well, now that the memories weren't coming fast and furious. But instead of calming, her thoughts contined to roil. It was the missing gap in her memory of the evening that she and Paige got back together that left her feeling disquieted. She knew she should just let it go. She had the bulk of their encounter back. But, her thoughts just would not rest.

"You okay?" Paige asked. Her gaze, when Emily glaced over, was full of concern.

"Yeah," Emily nodded. She debated for a moment whether or not to press the issue. "There's just one thing."

"What's that?" Paige was suddenly on alert and Emily swallowed nervously before continuing.

"My memories of that night, of pretty much everything after we met up again are a blank. I just...I was wondering...what was it about that night, that encounter, that made you decide to give me another chance, to get back together?"

"You only got half a memory back? That's kind of weird."

Emily shook her head. "No, It's not the amnesia. It was the alcohol. I was pretty drunk," she added with a soft laugh.

"So, you've never remembere what happened at the bar?" Paige side eyed her, looking stricken.

"No. I don't think so," Emily said slowly, her amusement fading at the distress that took over Paige's features.

"So you woke up that morning with no memory of what we'd talked about?"

Emily shook her head, feeling guilty, but not quite knowing why. "No. I'm sorry. What was it? What did we say?"

But Paige just shook her head and let out a laugh, though there was no humour in it. "Unbelievable." She shook off Emily's hand and gripped the steering wheel so tightly that her knuckles went white.

"Paige?"

Emily reached out and placed a hand on Paige's shoulder, only to be shrugged off.

"All this time...I thought..." She shook her head again. "Wow. I'm such an idiot."

"Paige. Hey. Talk to me."

"Why, so you can forget about it in the morning?"

Emily pulled back, stung by the venom in her words.

"I'm sorry." Paige ran a hand over her face and blew out a long, aggrieved breath. "Sorry. It's just...We had a long, emotional talk that night." Paige's voice broke, and she wouldn't meet Emily's gaze, not even in the review mirror. "You told me you still loved me. And that you wanted to get back together. And you promised it would be better this time around. You promised a lot of things. And we decided to give us another try. Then I took you home. We spent the next day together. I climbed into you bed. I...I made love to you. And you're telling me now that you don't remember? Any of it?"

When Paige put it that way, it sounded bad. Really bad. But, Emily was hung up on the fact that she did, in fact, get to say all of the things that she had been meaning to. Maybe not in the grand, romantic way that she had planned, but she had gotten them out. And Paige had heard her. And taken her back.

"Did you even mean any of it? Oh My. God. What you must have thought of me. All day. That night."

"Paige. No. I was thrilled. Ecstatic beyond belief that you were there the next morning. That you stayed with me all day. And when you kissed me. I didn't even question it. I was just so glad that it was happening."

She watched, relieved, as some of the tension eased from Paige's shoulders, and she stopped clenchig her jaw.

"And, all the things I said that night, all the promises I made? I'd been planning them in my head for weeks. I wanted to win you back. I just...didn't know how yet." Emily reached out and lay a hand on Paige's shoulder. When her touch wasn't rebuffed, she began to stroke soothigly. "I told you, I wanted to get back together the moment we broke up. I just wasn't ready for you yet. That night, maybe it wasn't the romantic speech I meant to give, but it was all still true."

"You really mean that?" Paige whispered, sounding achingly hopeful.

"Every word. I love you Paige. And I loved you then. Whatever else I was going through, that never changed."

After another few tense, silent seconds, Paige let out a soft sigh. "I love you too, Emily."

"Are...are we okay?" she asked cautiously.

Paige turned to her, finally, favoring her with a warm smile and the familiar love and affection shining in her eyes. "Always," she said, turning her head and pressing a kiss to the top of Emily's hand, where it rested on her shoulder.


	43. Chapter 43

Guest Thank you. It's good to be back. I'm sorry for the wait, but I'm glad that the chapter helped to make up for it.

EP Sorry. It wasn't intentional, it was just one thing after another and all of a sudden weeks had passed. Don't worry, I'm not abandoning the story.

Guest Thank you. Yep. I'm back and rarin' to go.

Nyxxyn Yeah, it was a bit of a ride for both of them. Kind of all over the map. I'm glad that you enjoyed the chapter. Thank you for reading, and for reviewing. It means a lot. :)

 **Author's Note:** Just a bit of Paily fluff to make up for all the heaviness in the last chapter. I hope nobody minds. If anyone objects, take it up with LindsParker, who assured me that it would be all right.

 **Chapter 43**

Date night hadn't exactly gone off without a hitch. In fact,parts of it had been an unmitigated disaster. Emily's returning memories had brought up some painful things from their past and created a veritable minefield. But they had managed to maneover through it unscathed.

In theory at least. Paige had said they were fine, but she had been awfully quiet on the rest of the drive home. Obstensibly her attention had been on the road because it had started drizzling and the pavement was slick, but Emily was starting to wonder. To worry.

She didn't say a word as she pulled into the driveway, or climbed out of the car. She was quiet as she opened the back door and retrieved Emily's crutches. As she held Emily's door for her and helped her to her feet. Emily caught her balance quickly, easily. The cast, over the past couple weeks had become less cumbersome. She was adept at moving around with it now and didn't really need assistance. Not that she had any intention of voicing that. She enjoyed the light touch of Paige's hand to her back to help steady her and the heat that radiated from her. Especially now, in light of the uncomortable tension coiling in her belly at the thought that Paige might not be as okay as she'd promised. That they might not be as okay as she's promised. She tucked the crutches under her arm, but reached out and gave Paige's hand a squeeze before starting towards the front door.

Paige glanced down at their joined hands.. Emily followed her gaze, then raised her own to study Paige's face. She felt some of the tension slip Paige's lips turned up into a faint, soft smile as she twisted her finger around to lace them loosely together, returning the pressure. Paige's gaze flicked up and met her own, and her smile broadened, then quickly became self-concious.

"What?" she mumbled, blushing faintly as she dipped her head.

"Nothing. It's just...I had a good time tonight."

Paige's head popped up. "Really?" She arched an eyebrow, her tone sardonic.

"Really. Okay, granted it wasn't a perfect evening-"

Paige snorted, then raised her hand in apology when Emily shot her a glare.

"It wasn't a perfect evening. But it was you, and me. It was this." She swung their still joined hands between them. "So yeah, I had a good time." The memories that had returned tonight, of being without Paige, of feeling lonely and missing her had only served to underscore how special what they had was. It made her appreciate every moment with her, even if those moments were sad, or awkward or unpleasant.

The skeptical expression on Paige's face slowly morphed into one of delight. She stepped forward, closing the distance between them and pressing her lips against Emily's in slow, sweet kiss. Before Emily had a chance to melt into it, the skies opened up, the light drizzle that had started when they were halfway home now a deluge that soaked them instantly.

Paige laughed against her lips and then scooped her up, throwing Emily over her shoulder, fireman style, and bolted for the porch. Emily shrieked with laughter,and wrapped her arms around any part of Paige's body she could reach to stabilize herself. Paige mounted the steps with sure, even strides and deposited Emily onto the porch with a grunt.

"You're getting heavy there, Em. Maybe time to start thinking about hitting the gym again huh?" Paige teased with an exaggerated groan as she stretched out her back and shook out her arms.

"Ass." Emily shook her head as she took a swat at her. Paige danced out of the way easily, then turned and showed Emily the afformentioned body part.

"You like that, huh?" She stuck it in Emily's direction, doing an awkward little twerk.

"Not as much as you seem to think." Emily averted her gaze, refusing to give Paige the satisfaction of admitting that she did in fact, enjoy the view. Especially in the form fitting dress pants, now sopping wet and clinging to every curve. Lauging, Paige spun around and tossed Emily her keys.

"Can you get the door? I'm going to go grab your crutches and close the car door."

Emily fumbled the keys, and then caught them, not even getting a chance to answer before Paige had spun around and was making another dash through the rain. Emily had just unlocked the door and swung it open when Paige came barreling up the porch steps and skid to a stop beside her. Already drenched, her second forray into the rain had left her looking like a drowned rat. Emily tried not to laugh at the sight as she ushered her inside and locked up behind them.

"A perfect end for a perfect evening," Paige commented as they stood dripping water all over the floor in the hallway. She was grinning though, her eyes alight with amusement, so Emily knew she wasn't actually upset. "We should probably get out of these wet clothes," she said, her grin turning into a leer. "And into a nice, hot shower."

"So your solution to getting wet is... getting more wet?" Emily cocked her head to the side, faking confusion. Paige huffed and rolled her eyes before taking Emily's hand and leading her down the hall to the bathroom.

Her heart was fluttering too wildly in anticipation to even think about feigning a protest when Paige finished fiddling with the faucets, adjusting the temperature of the shower and spun around, her hands going immediately to the sodden straps of Emily's dress and pulling them down, her hands smoothing over Emily's shoulders and down her sides, following the path of the material as gravity took its effect.. Her touch was warm and sure against Emily's chilled, damp skin. A shiver that had nothing to do with the cold settling into her bones passed through her.

The tips of her fingers were numb, but she did the best she could with the buttons of Paige's outfit, breathlessly cursing her girlfriend for the vest and shirt combo that had stirred her arousal when she'd first seen it. It still did. But now that she was charged with removing it, it was more of a hinderence than it was an asset. Paige's mouth, hot and insistent against her neck didn't help her coordination. Or her concentration.

Chuckling softly, Paige pushed her hands out of the way and began deftly unbuttoning her own shirt. Emily shifted her attention to Paige's pants instead, finding the snap and zipper much easier to manage and within seconds had them undone and was easing the water-laden material over her hips and down her legs. They pooled around her ankles and Paige stepped out of them kicking them off to the side as Emily skimmed her hands along the tops of her thighs and up her sides. Some feeling returning to her fingers as she dragged them across Paige's skin.

Paige shrugged her vest off easily, but struggled with her shirt, the arms twisting and bunching as she tried to pull it off. Emily reached around to help her, the new positioning bringing their bodies flush together. She moaned lowly at the feel of Paige's breasts pressed against her own, and the smooth planes of her stomach against the curve of her hip, and the pressure of her thigh, now nestled nestled firmly between her legs. She could feel Paige's arousal as a damp heat against the chill of her skin. The sensation of it, seeping throug Paige's underwear and spreading across Emily's thigh sent a resurgance of arousal flooding through her. She dropped her head and pressed her lips to whatever patch of skin she could reach. Her lips and tongue plying along the curve of her shoulder in uncoordinated kisses as they both grappled with the material of her shirt.

Paige let out a triumphant grunt as they finally freed her arms, and immediately went for Emily's bra, undoing the clasp. Her hands slid down to Emily's hips to tug at her panties even as her bra was still slipping down her shoulders. Emily shook the garment off and reached for Paige's pushing them down.

When they were both finally naked their bodies slid together, like to pieces of a puzzle, fitting perfectly against each other. Emily felt a thrill of excitement and arousal that was somewhow both new and uncharted and familiar. Paige. wound her arms around Emily's body, her hands seemingly everywhere, until finally settling at the base of Emily's neck, using her touch to guide Emily's head up so their lips could meet in a deep, probing kiss.

"Mmm, you should probably sit down so I can wrap your cast," Paige murmured against her lips when they parted on an uneven breath. Emily let out a startled burst of laughter at the statement, which was so incongruous with what they were doing, but allowed herself to be guided onto the closed lid of the toilett so Paige could wrap her cast to prevent it from getting wet in the shower. Or wetter. It was already a bit damp, though not soaked through like the more porous material of her clothing.

Paige wrapped her cast quickly and carefully and put a waterproof bandaid over her incision site then helped Emily to her feet and led her into the shower. She maneuvered Emily onto the stool and slid onto her lap in a move that was too fluid not to have been performed many times before.

"This seat gets a lot of action, I take it?" Emily teased, her hands going automatically to Paige's hips to steady her.

"It's seen it's share," Paige said with a shrug, then cut off any further commentary by bringing their lips together. Her tongue swept along Emily's bottom lip, seeking entrance, which Emily eagerly granted. She sighed softly at the feel of Paige's tongue slipping into her mouth, stroking surely against her own. The kiss was slow, measured. As was the meticulous exploration of Emily's body by Paige's hands, her fingers drifting up her sides, covering every inch of her torso in feather light, almost tickly touches. A far cry from the near frantic shedding of clothing.

Emily's own hands began to wander. Her fingertips, now fully restored of feeling, slid smoothly along Paige's slick skin. She stroked and caressed along her sides and back, kneaded her ass, fondled her breasts, as their kisses grew deeper, more heated. Emily felt her lungs begin to burn, and parted from the kiss, drawing in a couple of deep, ragged breaths before bringing their lips back together once again.

Kissing Paige was always a heady experience. It left her breathless and with her head spinning. Doing it in the shower made it even more so. The steam that filled the air added to the breathless feeling. The water beating down on her already over-stimulated body set her nerves on fire.

Paige's hands found their way to Emily's breasts, cupping them, kneading them, her touch firm and sure. Emily moaned, low in her throat, her head lolling back as she thrust her chest towards Paige's touch. Water beat down over her head and shoulder, rolled down her face, slid down her throat, though did little to quench how parched it was. Paige's thumbs slid across her nipples, the already hardened buds tigthening almost painfully. Arousal spiked through her, and the ache between her legs became a gentle throb.

She tipped her head and pressed her lips to the side of Paige's neck, licking and sucking at the water droplets beaded against her skin. Paige panted heavily in her ear, soft sighs and moans spurring her on as she kissed along the curve of her shoulder, and across the top of her chest, pressing heated kisses and swirling her tongue through the hollow of her collarbone and the base of her throat.

Paige's hips began to rock in her lap, a gentle, rolling motion that had her centre pressing against Emily's stomach, spreading her arousal across her skin. Emily slipped a hand down between their bodies and trailed her fingers through the slick dampness that coated her stomach, the moisture denser than the water from the showerhead, then twisted her hand and trailed two finger through it's source.

Paige gasped loudly and a shudder rippled through her as Emily's fingers slid along her entrance. Her hands stilled for a moment, and then resumed their ministrations, though her motions were less coordinated as Emily stroked and feinted. It was hard for Emily to wrap her mind around the fact that they had only made love for the first time earlier that day, when being with Paige like this felt so right, so natural. Maybe it was the weight of the memories that had returned to her adding some depth to the already fathomless feelings she had for Paige. The love that she had felt for years mixing and strengthening the love that had grown over the past few weeks.

Paige's finger slowed in their motions, then ceased hands sliding up to Emily's shoulders, gripping convulsively as Emily slipped two fingers inside her. Both of them moaned as Paige's walls, heated and swollen pushed back against the intrusion and then gave way and Emily's finger were at once enveloped in Paige's innermost depths. Paige's head dropped down onto her shoulder, her breath washing over Emily's skin in rapid, heated pants as Emily started to move inside her. She pumped her fingers in and out in slow, even strokes, curling them upwards on each inward thrust.

Paige's nails dug into her skin and she whined low in her throat as Emily slowly, surely, worked her up. Emily could feel the tension in her body winding up, tightening like a spring. Her muscles grew rigid, her breath quickened then seized. There was a moment of stillness, and then she uncoiled. A shudder ran through her and she let out a wordless cry followed by a long, gutteral moan. Emily pressed her lips to the side of her face, her neck, her shoulder, anywhere she could crane her neck to reach as she slowly coaxed her through it. Until Paige slumped, bonelessly against her. Her grip on Emily's shoulder's growing slack, her breath a rapid, steady pant in her ear.

"Damn, Em," Paige wheezed, then fell silent. For a long moment they simply sat there. Emily rubbing her free hand up and down Paige's back, running soothing circles across her skin as she gently pulled out. The water beat down around them, a gentle massage against Emily's neck and shoulders. The almost scalding tempertaure that they had stepped into now marginally cooler. She knew they wouldn't have much longer before the water grew cold, though she was in no hurry to move.

Especially not as Paige began pressing light, feather kisses along the side of her jaw. Her grip shifted once again, this time encircling Emily's shoulders as she increased the pressure of her kisses, her lips and tongue dragging across her skin as she worked her way down the side of Emily's neck.

Her breath was warm, her lips soft and pliant as she kissed down Emily's neck. Emily's hands slid up Paige's sides and down her back as Paige nipped and sucked at her skin. She moaned, urging Paige on, and tilted her head back to give her more access. Paige took it eagerly, her mouth hot, hungry, insistent.

She slipped off of Emily's lap, landing on her knees in front of her. Emily's arousal spiked. The throbbing between her legs increasingly almost painfully. She parted her legs in anticipation, eager, ready, even as Paige's grip shifted to her waist and pulled her forward towards the edge of the stool. Paige raised her gaze, her eyes meeting Emily's, locking on, as she leaned in. The intensity of her gaze, of the love and want and desire rendered Emily breathless.

Emily felt the heat of Paige's breath a moment before her lips made contact, a gentle tickle against her most sensitive part that sent a tingle running through her, then her mind went blank as Paige's tongue flicked against her clit. Her hands threaded into Paige's hair as her eyes fluttered shut, lost to the pleasure of Paige's sure, even strokes.

The motions of Paige's tongue reverberated through her entire body, rippling upwords and outwards from the point of contact. She felt every stroke down to the tips of her fingers and toes. Paige's actions were unhurried, though Emily could feel herself racing towards oblivion.

Sparks flared across the insides of her eyelids and her breath caught in her throat as the first tendril of her orgasm washed over her. Her fingers tigthened in Paige's hair, nails scratching along her scalp as she tensed up. But Paige backed off, slowing her strokes until she was barely moving inside her, and then stopping altogether. The feeling reeceeded, like water rushing towards a drain, and then Paige was moving again. The feeling inched up on her once again, and once again, Paige backed off. She did this, over and over again, bringing Emily to the brink and then pulling her away.

It was torture. Delicious, torture. Her breath, her voice, was trapped in her throat, she couldn't protest, could plead, could only withstand. Her muscles quivered with tension, her skin tight and fevered, her thoughts unfocused and static. Until finally, just when Emily thought she would go mad from sheer pleasure and the denial of release, Paige let her come. Instead of backing off when she felt Emily reach the tipping point, she doubled her efforts, stroking harder, slipping deeper. Speeding up instead of slowing down.

Emily came with a yell, a shudder working it's way through her entire body, wrecking her like an earthquake, followed by a series of aftershocks. She was still trembling when Paige rose to her feet and grabbed a couple of towels from the bar. Paige draped one around Emily's shoulders before wrapping the other one around herself. After a few brisk rubs up and down her arms she announced she was going to grab them some dry clothes. Emily could only nod mutely.

By the time Paige returned, clad in a pair of sweat pants and an oversized hoody, carrying a second,similar outfit, Emily was able to stand and move on her own accord. She could have dried and dressed herself, but was quite content to let Paige fuss over her.

Paige, of course, took the utmost care, drying every inch of Emily's skin slowly, carefully. Despite her previous spend state Emily felt the stirrings of arousal as Paige's hands moved the fluffy terry-cloth towel across her body. She shifted in place, rubbing her legs together to help dull the ache.

"Seriously?" Paige let out a soft chuckle. Apparently she had caught on to Emily's movement. Or maybe she just noticed the flush of heat that swept across Emily's skin as her heart rate picked up. Emily shrugged. In truth, she was too tired to do anything about it was fun to let Paige think otherwise.

Paige shook her head, still chuckling. "Let's just get you dressed. We can deal with your nymphomania later."

Emily rolled her eyes, but allowed Paige to help her into a pair of sweat pants and a sweatshirt, both of which she recognized as belonging to fabric was soft and warm against her bare skin, the fact that the items belonged to Paige adding an element of soothing and comfort.

Ten minutes later found them curled up on the couch, Paige resting against the arm and Emily leaning back against her, a blanket thrown over their legs and steaming cups of coffee on the table beside them as Paige flipped channels on the tv, trying to find them something to watch. As far as evenings went, it was ending on a pretty perfect note. Emily decided that date night maybe hadn't been as much of a disaster after all.


	44. Chapter 44

**Author's Note:** I apologize for the delay between chapters. I got halfway through one, and realized that I wasn't ready for that chapter yet, and had to go back and start from scratch with another one.

Nyxxyn I'm glad you feel that way. Because there is a lot of Paily fluff in store. Thanks. No, nothing bad, just a bit of a busy schedule for a while there. I'm glad you liked the chapter.

Guest: Yeah, they definitely needed a break from the heavy stuff.

Guest. lol. I'm glad you liked that.

 **Chapter 44**

"Tell me again."

"Em."

"Paige."

"You know there's not going to be a quiz, right?"

Emily shot her a pleading look. Paige sighed heavily, but complied.

"My mom is Maureen McCullers. She grew up in Maine, moved here for school. She's a CPA. Does the books for some pretty heavy companies in Philly, though she's semi-retired now, only works for a few firms. She loves to garden, belongs to a couple of book clubs and plays golf at the country club." She recited the details by rote. There was no animation or expression in her voice, and yet Emily still loved the way her lips formed the words and was captivated by their sounds as they came out of her mouth. "My father, Nickolas McCullers. A Philly boy, born and bread. He's a financial advisor. He likes the history channel and loves visiting civil war reenactments and war museums. He enjoys the occasional game of chess or poker. He also plays golf at the country club. But wouldn't be caught dead at a book club," she added, her lips twisting up in a smirk.

Emily scoffed, and rolled her eyes, even though she actually appreciated Paige's attempt, however lame, at lightening the mood. She knew that she had to be trying her giflriend's patience with her nerves and her constant need for reassurance and her insistance on the repeated bullet points of information but Paige had been a good sport about it.

"You know they're not going to care if you remember their professions, or what they do in their spare time."

"I know." Emily sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "It's just..." she trailed off, trying to order her thoughts so they made sense to her, so she could explain them to Paige. She didn't know why she was so nervous about meeting Paige's parents. By all accounts, they liked her, and she was almost as close with them as Paige was with her parents. She didn't know why she was suddenly having such a problem with this. When they'd left the house this afternoon she'd been excited about the prospect of meeting Paige's parents. But now, as they got closer she could feel her nerves mounting.

"These are your parents. I want to be able to make conversation. I want to make a good impression."

"You don't have to make a good impresssion. They already love you," Paige reminded her gently

"Yeah, but..."That was before the accident. Before Emily couldn't work. Couldn't remember their daughter. Before her injuries had kept Paige from them. She took a deep breath, trying to slow her thoughts before they spun out, but it was too late, she was already working her way into a panic.

"Easy." Paige's voice was low and soothing, as was the hand that she placed on Emily's knee, rubbing gently. "You don't have to worry about any of that," Paige reassured, even though Emily hadn't actually voiced her fears. "All they care about is that you're safe, and getting better."

Emily nodded, trying to take the words in, trying to make herself believe in them. She knew Paige wouldn't say it if it wasn't true. That for the most part her fears were irrational. But it didn't make them any less real. She supposed it was normal, to be nervous meeting Paige's parents for what felt like the first time. That the jitters would go away once they got there and she saw that she had nothing to worry about. At least, that's what she kept telling herself over and over again as the miles flashed by, bringing them closer and closer to their destination.

"I'm just so tired of going blindly into every interaction," Emily said. "Of not knowing anything about anyone. The girl at the grocery store knows more about me than I do."

"I'm sure that's an exageration."

Emily shot Paige a glare, and Paige mouthed an apology. It was an exageration, but that wasn't the point. She had stopped by the store yesterday to pick up a birthday card for Paige's father and the cashier had asked her a question about an upcoming scrimmage for the Rosewood High Swim team and Emily'd had absolutely no idea what she was talking about. It had been embarrassing and frustrating to have a detail of her life filled in for her by a complete stranger. Or at least, someone who felt like a complete stranger. It turned out, the girl was a swimmer on the team that Emily helped out with coaching. Which of course, Emily had no real knowledge of.

"I just want to be able to strike up a conversation with your parents that isn't about my recovery. I want to be able to ask your mom about something she's interested in or-"

"I'm sorry." Paige interrupted. "I'm sorry. I get it. I didn't mean to make light of everything that you're going through."

"You didn't." She laid her hand over Paige's, where it rested on her knee, and give it a soft squeeze.

"You've been doing so well lately. You've gotten back so many memories. Things have started to feel like they're back to nomral. I guess I forget, sometimes that you've still got all these gaps."

"It's okay." The last thing Emily wanted was for Paige to feel bad. She had been nothing but supportive, nothing short of amazing when it came to her recovery. And in the weeks since she had started getting her memories back and things had things had started to develop between them Paige had only gotten more attentive, more loving. It was true, things had been progressing so well that sometimes there were moments when even Emily forgot that there were still large holes in her memory. Years of missing time, people and places that she could no longer recall.

She supposed it was a good thing. It meant that they were recovering from the accident and moving on with their lives. But it just made those moments when she was reminded of her losses so much more difficult to deal with. But if that was the price she had to pay for the amazing life she was now living, Emily would gladly pay it. The more memories she recovered, and the more time she spent with Paige in the present, the more she realized how much she easily could have lost. How much had truly been at stake not just from the accident, but her own behaviour after it. If she had fought harder against Paige's efforts or completely shut her down, they wouldn't be where they were now She'd be missing out on the best thing that ever happend to her.

'So, my dad is a total sucker for classic rock," Paige said into the silence that had settled between them. "He totally pretends he's not, that he's all about the classical. But he's got a stash of records hidden in his study. He lights up if you mention The Eagles or Fleetwood Mac. And my mom has a penchant for bad reality tv. All those trashy Housewives and Bachelor type shows."

Emily smiled her thanks, and squeezed Paige's hand as she began listing off more details about her parents, potential topics of conversation or just fun ancedotes about them. The rest of the drive passing smoothly as Emily listened, laughing, and trying to soak it all in.

Her nerves returned tenfold however when Paige pulled into the driveway of a mini-mansion on the far side of Philly. She stared out the window, gaping at the large, wraparound front porch with the pristine white columns and the large bay windows on either side of the front door and the carefully tended box-hedges lining the edges of the substantial property. Paige had hinted that her parents had some money, but she'd had no idea it was this much.

"You never told me that your parents were loaded."

"They're not. They're well off sure, but they're not rich by any means."

"I think their house begs to differ." Emily swept her arm in the general direction of the house and the property.

"Was a bank foreclosure, bought for a song when they decided to move out of Rosewood."

"If you say so."

She climbed out of the car and made her way around to the front of the vehicle, meeting Paige, who offered her elbow to assist her in making her way up the rest of the driveway and mounting the steps. She had been using her crutches less and less for travelling short distances and was growing stronger everday but she was being careful not to push it.

They made it up the porch, but before they had a chance to ring the bell, the door flew open and a pixie of a woman stepped out and gathered the both of them in a bone-crushing hug. Before the shock had time to wear off, she had stepped back.

"It's so good to see you,"she said, addressing both of them.

Emily took the opportunity to take a look at her as well.. While, clearly Paige didn't get her height from her, she got her coloring. They had the same smooth, pale skin and dark hair, with just a hint of auburn.

"Hey, Mom." Paige leaned in and brushed a kiss to her mother's cheek before stepping back a step. All eyes turned to Emily, and she felt her heart rate increase at being the center of attention. She cleared her throat, and wracked her brain for something to say. Her first instinct was to introduce herself, but that was silly, since Paige's mother had known her for years. But she wasn't sure how else to break the ice.

"Oh, sweetie." Maureen rubbed a hand over her shoulder. "I haven't seen you this nervous on my front porch since the first time you showed up to take Paige out on a date." She laughed lightly, and Emily couldn't help but relax a little at both her touch and the soft, lilting tone of her voice. "I opened the front door and you were standing out here shaking like a leaf, clutching your boquet of flowers so hard I thought you were going to break the stems."

"You never told me that." Paige glanced back and forth between her mother and her girlfriend, looking a little put out at not having been informed of this bit of information before.

"It was our little secret," Maureen said, giving Emily a wink as she reached to give her daughter's shoulder a soothing squeeze. Emily got a flash of images, the scene just like Maureen had described.

 _She was standing on the McCullers front porch, at their old house in Rosewood, in a dress and heels, her hair done up in a fancy bun, her makeup shimmery and smoldering, hands clutched around a boquet of wildflowers in a white-knuckle grip. Her knees were so shaky they were practically knocking together. A part of her was suprised that she was still upright, her legs felt so much like jelly. She took a deep breath and forced herself to ring the bell, her finger jabbing almost painfully against the rubber button. Footsteps sounded down the hallway, a shadow loomed in the stained glass window and stars swam before her vision As the door swung open she thought she might pass out. But she remained upright and fully cautious as Mrs. McCullers, a woman that she reognized from swim meets and pictures on Paige's phone, but had actually met, appeared in the doorway. She cleared her throat and extended her hand in greeting as she formally introduced herself.A little to formally,perhaps. She winced at how stiff her voice sounded._

 _Mrs. McCullers gamely shook her hand, a warm smile with just the faintest hint of amusement crossing her features. "It's nice to meet you, Emily," she said, giving her hand an extra little squeeze before dropping it. She stepped aside, and then cocked her head, one eyebrow raising slightly when Emily remained rooted on the spot. "Would you like to come in?"_

 _Emily felt a blush heat up her cheeks and she nodded. "Yes. I'm sorry. Of course," she mumbled as she stumbled across the threshold. Mrs. McCullers hand gripped her elbow, steadying her._

 _"Are you okay?" she asked, gently ushering her inside._

 _Emily nodded once again, not just her face burning in embarrassment but her entire body. "I'm fine," she croaked as she settled gingerly onto the edge of the sofa, mindful of not wrinkling her dress. Mrs. McCullers sank more comfortably into the armchair kitty-corner to the couch. "Just a little nervous," she confessed, not quite sure why she was revealing that to Paige's mom but feeling like it was okay nonetheless._

 _"A little?" Mrs. McCullers eyebrow went up again. Now Emily knew where Paige got it from._

 _"Okay, more than a little," she admitted. "I'm...I've never really...I just want you to like me," she blurted._

 _"Oh, honey." Mrs. McCullers reached across the short distance between them and patted her knee. "You need to relax, sweetie. You're doing fine."_

 _"Really? Because from where I'm sitting, it doesn't feel like it."_

 _"Yes, really. I will be the first to admit, I wasn't exactly thrilled when Paige came out to us. It's been a bit of a rough road for myself and for Paige's father adjusting to the idea."_

 _Emily didn't say anything, but she nodded slightly. She knew all this, she'd heard about it from Paige. Had listened to her stress and worry about how they would react and seen the tension in her after she had come out because things were stressful at home. But, things hadn't gone as horribly as Paige had predicted and she kept saying she was just happy that her parents had taken the news as well as they had. Even so, it still made Emily a little apprehensive about the idea of meeting them. She worried that it would tip the situation out of Paige's favor if her parents were faced with the reality of having a daughter who was a lebsian. She had wanted to make a good impression on the McCullers, hoping that would ease their minds about the thought of their daughter dating, but clearly it wasn't going so well._

 _"And I definitely wasn't thrilled when she came home one day and annoucned that you two were dating," Mrs. McCullers added.. Emily's heart sank at the words that only confirmed her worst suspicions. "But, I''ve never seen Paige happier than she has been since you two got together."_

 _Emily felt a surge of happiness and pride at Mrs. McCullers words. Being with Paige made her happier then she'd been in a very long time. And it was nice to have confirmation that Paige felt the same way. Though, it was a bit of a suprising revelation coming from her mother._

 _"She speaks very highly of you."_

 _"She..she does?" Emily's nerves dropped for just a moment in wonderment at the idea of Paige talking about her to her parents. Given the trouble they'd had accepting her coming out she was a little suprised that Paige would be so open about their relationship. But she was delighted that Paige was apparently singing her praises._

 _"She does." Mrs. McCullers offered up a reassuring smile. "It's actually kind of annoying. She never shuts up." Mrs. McCullers smile quickly turned teasing. Another trait that Emily recognized in her girlfriend._

 _She let out a startled peal of laughter._

 _"All I can say is, I've never been happier to be wrong about something than I was about you and Paige," Mrs. McCullers said, steering the conversation back on track. "So,yes, you're doing fine. You have nothing to be nervous of."_

 _Their conversation was interrupted by footsteps on the stairs. Emily jumped to attention immediately. The boquet she'd laid across her lap falling to the floor, forgotten as she eagerly awaited Paige's appearance. It was only as she took a step, moving towards the doorway and her shoe met something uneven, and yielding, that she remembered them and looked down in horror, realizing she had crushed them beneath her feet._

 _"Forget about the flowers. They're not what's important." Mrs McCullers voice was warm and comforting in her ear, as were the hands that rested on her shoulders, squeezing lightly._

 _Emily nodded, trying to accept that Mrs. McCullers was right. She shook off the mishap and continued forward, reaching the entryway just as Paige appeared at the bottom of the stairs. She looked beautiful. Stunning. She was dressed in a simple black dress that fell just above her knee, reavealing firm, shapely calves and the form fitting skirt hinted at softness and curves along her waist and thighs. The halter-top showed off sleek shoulders and muscled arms. Her hair fell in loose waves around her shoulders and her makeup was minimal, a hint of smokey eye, a bit of shimmer on the lips. A silver teardrop necklace called attention to the graceful curve of her neck, and matching earrings adorned her lobes. For a moment, Emily was breathless. She was pulled out of the feeling by the press of something into her hand. She glanced down and saw that Mrs. McCullers had managed to salvage on of the flowers. She shot the woman a thankful smile before approaching Paige, presenting her with the flower and stumbling over her praises._

She snapped out of the memory to find two pairs of eyes on her, one looking concerned, the other more curious and amused.

"Are you okay?" Maureen asked, gently ushering them both inside and into the living room.

"I'm fine. It's just a memory. They've been popping up more and more frequently lately," Emily assured her as she sank down onto a familiar sofa, even if the room around it was foreign to her. Paige settled in beside her, close enough that Emily could feel the heat radiating off her body, but not quite touching. Her presence was reassuring as Emily shook off the cobwebs of the past and tried to resettle in the moment.

"Does this happen a lot?" Maureen asked, glancing back and forth between the two of them. "Is it safe?"

"The doctors have assured us it's perfectly normal and nothing to worry about," Paige reassured her mother. "It's actually a good sign, it means that her brain is healing from the accident."

Maureen let out a sigh of relief as she eased back into her chair. Before she, or either of them could comment on it any further, footsteps sounded in the hall

"I thought I heard voices." Nick McCullers voice preceeded him into the room. Emily glanced up as he strode through the doorway.A strange, icy-cold feeling gripped her throat and struck her motionless at his entrance. Though the feeling released it's hold as Paige rose to greet him. The two of them hugging heartily, holding each other tightly for a long moment, before letting go. She struggled to her feet, a little shaky from the momentary surge of whatever that had been. The sensation puzzlingy close to fear, though she had no recollection of the man himself, nor had Paige ever mentioned the two of them having any kind of issues. Though the feeling was quickly overtaken by a sense of warmth and affection as he turned his attention, and his crookedly charming smile on her. The two so at odds with each other that it left her reeling.

"Emily. You're looking well," he said, reaching out to her, and then letting his arms fall to his sides at the last minute. He looked just as akward and umcomfortable as Emily felt. "Are you...How are you doing?" His question was painfully earnest. "Are you well?" His hands fidgeted at his side, balling and unballing, his fingers twitching as they unfurled, the same way Paige did when she was itching to reach out and touch.

It was odd, seeing some of Paige's attributes in her parents but also somehow comforting. Especially with Nick. After hearing so many stories about how tough he had been on Paige, and how often the two of them had clashed in her teen years, it humanized him, made him less of an opposing authority figure and more of a man trying to do right by his kid when she saw him looking nervous and uncertain.

"I am," she said, offering up a warm, slightly crooked smile of her own and moving towards him for a hug. She felt a sense of safety and security wash over her as soon as his arms wrapped around her, much like what she felt when her own father hugged her. She was starting to learn to trust her instincts, to pay attention to how her body responded to the people around her. In lieu of memories, it was the only way she had of determining where she stood with others. And, whatever history that exsisted between them, clearly things had been well by the time of her accident.

"I'm very sorry about your accident," he said softly as they parted. "Maureen and I wanted to come, but we didn't want to overwhelm you."

"I appreciate that," Emily said. "It was rough for awhile.

She knew their concern for her was genuine, but she also remembered, in the back of her mind, the phone conversation between Paige and her father that she wasn't supposed to have overheard. So she knew that Paige's parents had to be concerned about their daughter as well. And she just wanted them to know that they didn't need to worry about Paige anymore.

"But, Paige was absolutely amazing. She has been my rock, through everything," She was speaking just as much for Paige's benefit as she was for her parents. "And, I know that was hard on her. Practically impossible. But, that's all behind us now. We're doing good now. Aren't we?" she glanced behind her, reaching for Paige's hand as she spoke.

Paige took it automatically, lacing their fingers together and gently tugging Emily back down beside her. As soon as she had settled, she dropped her grip on Emily's hand and wrapped her arm around her shoulder instead. "Yeah. We're good. It was a bit of an adjustment, for both of us. And we needed some time to sort things out. I know it was hard for you guys to stay away. So, thank you for doing it."

Both Nick and Maureen took in their new position.

"I see that there have been some changes in more than just your memory," Maureen commented, a ghost of a smile, almost a smirk, on her face.

Emily blushed, thinking about how those changes had come about, but nodded.

"Well, I'm just glad you could both make it tonight," Nick cut in. From the pink tint of his cheeks and the blush that crept up his neck and across the tips of his ears, Emily guessed he had a pretty good idea of things as well. It was disconerting to realize that Paige's parents were aware of the fact that they were having sex. Though logically she knew that they had been aware of that truth for years now.

"Right. Speaking of. Happy Birthday," Emily quickly, eagerly, latched onto the change of subject.

"Yeah. Dad. Happy Birthday. The big 50. We got you a little something." Paige unwound her arm from around Emily's shoulder to bend down and reach for the gift she had bought her father. She snagged the handles of the bag and handed it across to her father, who took it and then settled in the armchair beside Maureen. "It's from Emily and I," she added as Nick parted the tissue paper to pull out the carefully wrapped box.

"No. The card is from me. The present is all Paige." Emily was quick to distance herself from Paige's gift to her father. Just in time too, as she watched his eyes widen at the first glimpse of the wrapping paper, which was covered in brightly colored dinosaurs. The design more befitting a five year old. She tensed, waiting for the explosion, but he burst out laughing. A full, belly laugh that Paige was quick to join in with.

"Smartass," he muttered, once he had composed himself, taking a swing at Paige, who was easily out of arms reach.

"Just open it, old man. Before we have to wheel you back to the home."

Nick chuckled and began to gently pry the corners of the paper, which had been thoroughly taped down. Paige giggled gleefully beside her when he resorted to reaching into his pockets for his keys.

"Are they always like this?" Emily asked Maureen.

"Unfortunately, yes. A pair of pranksters, the two of them. Especially when Paige was young. Constanly driving me nuts. They lost it for a bit when Paige hit her teen years. I actually started to miss it. Now, for the life of me I can't figure out why," she said with a shake of her head. Even though Emily knew they both knew exactly why. The end of the pranking signalled the beginning of their relationship going sour.

They both looked up at the sound of a scuffle, to find Nick with Paige in a headlock, the present, a golf shirt and a set of golf balls on the floor betwen them. Emily turned to Maureen in alarm, but she just rolled her eyes then stood and clapped her hands. They sprang apart immediately, both of them red faced and breathless and looking sheepish.

"I can't take you to anywhere," she admonished, though the smile on her face and the twinkle in her eye belied the irritated words. "Nick, thank your daughter and Emily for their lovely gift and please go check on dinner. We're having steak tonight. Nick is grilling," she added as an aside.

"Hey, kid you want a beer?" is what Nick said instead, clapping Paige on the shoulder and directing her towards the kitchen before she even had the chance to answer.

Emily watched them go. Paige's parents were not at all what she had envisioned, based on the things Paige had told her. She had expected them to be sterner, perhaps even a little unkind. Though, the fact that they weren't made a lot more sense, considering the kind of person Paige was. It was clear where so much of her personality and traits came from.

The thought came unbidden, but she couldn't help but think that those traits would make Paige a great parent. And that she couldn't wait to see her interacting like that with their child. Suprisingly, the thought didn't unerve her. She knew that they were still a long way from that. But, it was not longer some far off future she was afraid to contemplate.

Maureen's voice pulled her out of her reverie. Emily turned to find the other woman staring expectantly at her, and realized she hadn't even heard the question. She shook herself of her thoughts and turned her attention back to the situation at hand. But, even as she rose and made her way into the kitchen, and laughed and joked her way through dinner with Paige and her parents those thoughts lingered in the back of her mind.


	45. Chapter 45

**Author's Note:** I know it's been awhile since I've brought you guys an update, and for that I apologize. As much as I love these characters, and this story, I feel like I've lost my mojo. The chapters just aren't coming to me the way they once did so it's taking me longer to get them done. Because of that, I am going to wrap it up. This is the beginning of the end. I will likely have it all tied up in the next few chapters. I'm sorry if it seems abrupt to some, but I'd rather jump to the end than leave it unfinished. It's been an amazing ride, writing this story, and you have been so lovely and wonderful and supportive.

 **Chapter 45**

It was a rare occasion for Emily to wake before Paige. Usually her girlfriend was up for a run and back before she began to stir. Even on weekends. It was like Paige was incapable of sleeping in, or lying dormant. But when Emily woke that morning, Paige was still sleeping peacefully beside her, chest rising and falling in a deep, even rhythm. She lay on her side, wrapped snugly around Emily in a way that made her feel cocooned and comfortable. Her breath tickled the side of Emily's neck and one arm was draped across her torso, her hand tucked just beneath the hem of her t-shirt to lay against her stomach.

A quick glance at the clock revealed that it was early. There were still a couple of hours before they needed to be up. While normally Emily would have welcomed the opportunity to close her eyes and drift back off to sleep she was quite content at the moment to just lie here like this, with Paige wrapped around her, body loose and warm with sleep. The gentle rasp of her breathing a soothing, familiar sound. She couldn't believe there had ever been a time that she had been afraid of this. Afraid of Paige.

So much had changed in the weeks following the accident. It felt like a lifetime ago that she had woken up in the hospital bed, confused and afraid. She was so far removed from the angry, conflicted girl who had resented Paige's presence in her life at every turn. Who had wished that the other woman would just leave her alone. She couldn't bear to imagine where she would be right now if Paige had actually acquiesced. Even contemplating it made her stomach churn painfully and she burrowed into Paige, ressuring herself with the warmth and solidness of her.

Sometimes it was hard for Emily to believe that she had only been home for a couple months, that she and Paige had only been together for a few weeks. Perhaps it was the slowly returning memories that were restoring the feelings that had exsisted for over a decade. Perhaps it was the euphoria of falling in love. Or maybe it was some combination of the two, the newness and excitement of falling head over heels bolstered by the weight of the past. Even if she still could not remember all of it, it lingered a spectre in the back of her mind. Theirs was a unique situation, she knew. Yet despite some of the pain and heartbreak of late, she wouldn't trade it for anything. Whatever happened between them, both past and present, only served to bring them closer, make them stronger, more intuned.

There was still a lot about her past, their past, that Emily didn't know. But she was no longer frigthened by the gaps in her knowledge. Things would reveal themselves in time. Or they wouldn't. In the meantime Emily was focused on living the life they had painstakingly built. On enjoying the moments. Like this one. Lying in Paige's arms as the breaking dawn slowly filled the room with light.

A small smiled played on her lips as she contemplated that this morning, this moment, was just one of many. They had a lifetime to be filled with special moments, of memories and experiences. They had their whole future stretched out ahead of them, the prospect didn't frigthen her the way it once would have it. It comforted her. She welcomed it.

Paige stirred in her sleep and her hand slid upwards. Just like the last time this happened, Emily's heart rate picked up and she froze, waiting on bated breath to see if Paige's hand would continue to inch higher. Unlike last time, the only indecision she was torn between was whether or not to let Page sleepily grope her, or wake her up so they could have proper, morning sex.

"Go back to sleep," Paige muttered, her lips brushing against Emily's skin with each word. Apparently she wasn't so sound asleep after all.

Emily's breath caught in her throat as Paige's hand closed around her breast and began to knead. She let out a strangled sound, something between a moan and a sigh. "I would, but something's distracting me."

"Oh. Would you like me to stop?" Paige's hand stilled and Emily shot one of her own up to hold it in place through the fabric of her shirt before she could pull away.

"Don't you dare."

Paige pinched her nipple lightly and then continued with the kneading motion. While undeniabley arousing, the action was also oddly comforting. And she did actually find herself mellowing into a state of almost sleep.

"You were thinking awfully loudly," Paige murmured. "Everything okay?"

"Hmm," Emily stretched languidly, pressing herself more firmly into Paige's touch. "Everything's fine. Just. got a lot on my mind."

"Oh?" Paige tried to keep her tone neutral but Emily could hear the hint of uncertainty in it, just as she could feel the tension that entered her body.

"All good stuff, I promise," she soothed. "I was just taking stock. Laying here thinking how quickly things have changed for us. And how much I love waking up with you like this. How much I love you. And blah, blah, blah, blah."

Paige huffed a laugh against the side of her neck. "I think maybe you need to expand a little more on those blah's."

"Nah. I mean, you got the jist, right?" Emily teased, then shifted within Paige's embrace to lie facing her, their faces just inches apart on the pillow. She went cross-eyed trying to focus her vision and scooted back a bit so she could see Paige. "Sometimes it's hard for me to believe that it's only been a couple months. So much has happened and it's difficult for me to wrap my head around it.."

Paige hummed softly in the back of her throat. "I know it has to be frustrating at times."

"That's the thing though, it's not. I mean, it was for awhile. And there are still some things I wish I could change. Like this stupid cast on my leg." She shook her leg for emphasis. "And the fact that I can't remember enough of my degree to go back to work. Maybe I still have some figuring out to do, when it comes to who I am. But, who doesn't, really?" She felt the tension seep from Paige's body at her words. "I'm happy. I love you. And I love what we have. And, if this is what my life has to offer, well, it couldn't be any better."

 _There's one thing that could make it better,_ a niggling voice in the back of her head reminded her, though she tried to ignore it as she watched the smile grow on Paige's face. It was crazy to even be thinking of that. Wasn't it?

A part of her believed it was too soon. It had only been a few moths since the accident. They hadn't been together much longer than that.. While another part reminded her that they had a ten year history. They already had a life together. They loved each other. Even if Emily couldn't remember all of it, she was sure of her feelings. She was sure that this was what she wanted. So why wait?

"I'm really glad you feel that way," Paige whispered, smiling broadly, her eyes shining with emotion. "I love you."

She reached out to cup Emily's cheek, her fingers, _her unadorned fingers_ that niggling voice reminded her, grazing against her skin as she leaned forward and brushed a soft, sweet kiss to Emily's lips.

A shiver run through her at the thought of feeling the cool press of metal against her cheek as Paige's hand smoothed across her skin, followed by a skittering of excitement down her spine at the prospect.

She really was contemplating it, Emily realized. Insane or not. Too soon or not, it didn't matter. The idea had wedged itself into her brain and she couldn't simply dismiss it.

"Hey, where'd you go?" Paige asked, pulling back from the kiss.

"Nowhere." Emily reached up and smoothed the furrows from Paige's brow with the tips of her fingers. She hated lying. Or rather, witholding. But it wasn't something she could voice her thoughts on until she was absolutely certain. Not to mention, she wasn't exactly prepared in the instance that she decided to go for it.

She closed the distance between them, capturing Paige's lips in a soft, but insistant kiss. Paige hummed, low in her throat as she slowly melted into the kiss. Any qualms Emily had about distracting Paige with phyiscal affection...with sex, vanished the moment Paige shifted over her, staring intensly down at her before bringing their lips together once again.

Emily wiped her palms across her thighs, feeling inexplicably nervous at the prospect of bringing up the topic of conversation that had prompted her to suggest this lunch in the first place. She sat in a booth in a cozy little cafe near campus that Spencer recommended when Emily had texted that the girls all meet for lunch listening to the laughter and conversation swirl around her, but unable to follow or take part. She was distracted, her thoughts consumed by the idea that had implanted itself in her brain that morning and hadn't given her a moments peace since.

"Are you okay, Em?" Aria's voice broke through the haze of her thoughts and she turned to her friend, seated across from her and blinked, trying to process the words. "You seem a little distracted."

"I think I want to propose to Paige," she blurted in answer to Aria's question.

Across the table, Aria's eyes went wide. It would have been comical, it Emily weren't so caught up in inner turmoil.

"Say what?" Spencer's jaw dropped and she leaned across the table, her elbows almost landing on her plate. "Are you serious?"

"I said, I want to ask Paige to marry me," Emily said, surely this time. Now that the words were out, she felt more settled. The butterflies roiling in her stomach stilled and sense of calm washed over her. "It's not completely insane, is it?" The feeling was short lived as jittery nerves returned. She examined the faces of her friends, taking in their expressions of shocked disbelief. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea after all, she reconsidered. Maybe it was the worst idea she'd ever had.

"It's about damn time, that's what it is," Hannah said, fairly launching herself at Emily, nearly knocking her backwards out of her chair as her arms wrapped tightly, painfully around her.

"Hannah." Both Aria and Spencer chided her, but Emily didn't mind. The exuberant reaction was exactly the reassurance she needed that she wasn't totally off base in her idea. She returned the hug as best she could, what with Hannah's grip pinning her upper arms to her side. Only when Hannah pulled back and Emily turned to find Aria and Spencer staring at her in concern her doubt returned.

"You guys think it's a bad idea?"

"What? No. I think it's a great idea," Spencer said. "If you're ready, that is. I mean, marriage is a really big step. Have you really thought about this?"

"Yes. No." Emily sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "It's not something I've been contemplating. It just sort of hit me, this morning. But once it did, it was like a...revelation. It just felt right." She shrugged, knowing that it wasn't exactly a solid, or convincing explanation, but unable to offer any more than that. Even as she had told herself that it was a crazy idea, that it was too soon, she had been unable to shake the feeling that it was time for them to take that next step. They had been on course towards it before the accident. And even everything they had been through was not enough to derail that. She knew that their relationship was not the same as it once was. And even if she were to recover all of her memories tomorrow they would not be able to slip back into what they'd once been. Too much had happened to allow that, but that didn't mean they couldn't still reach some of the same milestones.

"If it feels right, then you should do it," Aria said, offering her a soft, encouraging smile "Nobody is questioning your love for Paige. Or, hers for you. Anyone can see that you guys are meant for each other."

Emily nodded at that. It first it had bothered her, the concept of inevitability. Had seemed suffocating, like it was taking away her option to chose. She had resented the idea that her feelings were not her own to control, but the harder and faster she fell for Paige, the more she realized that she didn't care about control, or steering her own fate, she was just greatful that Paige had stayed steadfast by her side and allowed Emily the time to come to terms with her feelings rather then let herself be pushed away, to be deterred by the anger and resentment. They were in good place now, a great place actually And now she took comfort and felt pride in the idea that their love for each other could conquer all obstacles.

She glanced around at the faces of her friends, who were staring expectantly at her, awaiting a declaration, all three of them softly beaming, lips upturned, eyes shining with excitement.

"I'm going to do it," she said with a decisive nod. "I'm going to propose to Paige."

Hannah launched herself at Emily once again, this time with an ear splitting squeal that caught the attention of the tables around them.

"Easy, Han," Spencer said as she stood and rounded the table to pull Emily into a hug as well. "Everyone's going to think that Emily proposed to you."

"Emily should be so lucky," Hannah said with a haughty flip of her hair as she pulled back, allowing Spencer space to swoop in and wrap her arms around her. Aria was next, hugging her with a tight fierceness.

"So, do you have a plan for when you're going to do it?"

"Do you have a ring yet?"

"Do we get to be in the wedding?"

The questions came fast and furious as soon as the girls had settled into their seats once again, and Emily, laughing lightly, held up a hand against the onslaught.

"Easy, guys. I just came up with it this morning. That's about as far as I've got."

"Well, no time like the present," Hannah said, pushing her plate out of the way and reaching for a napkin "Spence, got a pen?"

"Seriously? We're not helping Emily plan her wedding on a napkin." Rolling her eyes, Spencer dug into her bag for a notebook and a pen. Instead of handing it to Hannah, she sid it across the table to Aria. "What? Her handwriting is better."

Hannah huffed, but couldn't really argue with that. "Fine. So, what kind of wedding do you want?" she asked. "Church? Outdoor? Some exotic local."

"Um, don't you think maybe we should wait until I've popped the question to start figuring all this out?"

"Why? It's not like Paige is going to say no," Aria said. "Please tell me you know Paige is not going to say no."

For all Emily's doubt and uncertainty the one thing that she had never wavered on was what Paige's response would be.

"It's not that. Its just, this is going to be Paige's wedding too. Don't you think that she should be a part of planning it?"

"Oh, please," Hannah scoffed. "Like Paige cares one bit about flower arrangements or music selection."

Emily thought back to the conversation they'd had about proposals and Paige wanting to be swept off her feet and wondered just how true that was. Maybe Paige wasn't the type to flip through bridal magazines but that didn't mean she didn't have some ideas on what she wanted her big day to look like.

"Maybe. Maybe not. But, I'd like to at least discuss it with her before making any actual plans."

Hannah pouted, then nodded. "Well, do you want to talk about who's going to be in your wedding party?" she asked a moment later, perking up at the thought.

"Of course I want you all to be my bridesmades," she said, meeting each other their eyes. Even though she was still getting to know them, still exploring their friendships, she was definitely wanted them standing up for her. "Unless you want to be in Paige's party," she said to Spencer, knowing how close the two of them were. She didn't really care what role they each played, as long as they were there, celebrating the big day.

"Ooh, Spence you should totally be a groomsman," Hannah said, practically bouncing in her seat with excitement. "You'd look totally hot in a tux.. And it'd keep the numbers even. You, Caleb and Toby can stand for Paige. Me, Aria and Ali can stand for Emily." She reached across the table and practically tore the notebook and pens from Aria's hands. "Do you know what color you want the dresses to be?" she asked, as she started to sketch. "'Cause I have so many ideas for styles. Have you looked at rings yet? I know a few places you can get them custom made. I can pull few strngs, get you a deal, if you want to design your own." She flipped the page and began sketching anew.

All nerves long forgotten, Emily began to feel the fluttering of excitement at the thought of things being set into motion. She knew that she should fight Hannah a little harder about not getting ahead of herself, but instead she leaned in, craning her neck to look at the rough outline of diamond cuts, dresses and tuxes, letting herself get swept up in the fantasy and the planning.


	46. Chapter 46

**Author's Note** Hello my fellow Paily peeps. Pretty cool, this weeks episode right? I wanted to have this chapter up yesterday in honor of it. As well as the lovely Ms. Shaw's birthday but, well life intervenes.

I know it has been ages since I updated. And for that I apologize. My schedule has been kicking my ass. And my computer has been un-cooperative. To put it kindly. Thank you all for your patience. And for your reviews. Which I have read. Every single one of them. But can't reply to currently because my afformentioned POS computer shuts down every time I try to access the PM function on the site. I really do appreciate every single kind word and suggestion and piece of encouragement that I get. And I will reply as soon as I am able. You guys are the best. XO

As always, this chapter is dedicated to my person. For being the awesome person that they are.

 **Chapter 46**

Emily's head was full of dress designs and china patterns and floral arrangements by the time lunch was over and the girls parted ways. She and Hannah had an appointment tomorrow with her friend, the jewerly designer, and Emily was near giddy with excitement at the thought of soon having a custom made ring to slide onto Paige's finger. As she and Aria made their way outside to the car she was envisioning the various ways in which she could pose the question. The when's and where's shifting rapidly, but the eager anticipation remaining steady.

She knew that Paige suspected Emily had been planning to propose on their anniversary, but that was several months away and Emily didn't think that she would be able to hold off that long. She wanted to do it now, today. Though she knew she had to wait at least until she had the ring. Even that seemed like far too long. But she could at least make good use of the time to make the moment special. Magical. She was going to give Paige the proposal that she had been secretly dreaming of since she was a kid.

And she was going to do it right.

"Do you have to get home, or do you have time to make a detour?" She asked as Aria slipped seamlessly into traffic on the highway. Her excitement distracting her from her nerves to the point where she barely even noticed the other cars around them.

Aria glanced over. "I have an evening class. But, that still gives me a few hours. Why, what's up?"

Emily fidgeted in place, second guessing her decision for a moment before voicing it out loud. "I want to talk to Paige's parents before I propose. To ask for their blessing."

She knew it was old-fashioned, but she also thought it was sweet. And she knew it was something Paige would do if their roles were reversed. It was also something she knew her parents would get a kick out of. Even though she didn't know Paige's parents that well, or at least didn't remember knowing them, she sensed that they would feel the same.

"Ahh," Aria cooed, her face lighting up. "That's so sweet. So romantic."

"You don't think it's too much?"

"Not at all. And, you know Paige will love it, right?

Emily nodded. That's what she hoped at least.

"So, we're headed there now then?" Aria asked, glancing over once again for confirmation. Emily nodded and reached for Aria's GPS to plug in the address for directions. Within moments she had the device programmed and they were following the step by step driving instructions that, with each twist and turn brought her closer to Paige's parents house.

She had expected to be nervous. As they pulled up to the curb in front of the house she thought that by now her palms would be sweaty or her heart would be beating rapidly or her breathing would be shallow. While she was feeling a little shaky it was more eager than apprehensive. She was not nervous about this conversation. She had no reason to believe that they woud be anything other than receptive and supportive of her request for their daughter's hand.

Emily felt bad for asking Aria to wait in the car, especially after her friend went out of her way to bring her here, but this was not the kind of conversation that tolerated an audience and she didn't want the McCullers to feel put on the spot by having an observer. It was bad enough she was dropping in unnanouced, she didn't want them to feel like they had to play host to her friend as well.

She made her way slowly, but steadily, up the front walk, practising in her head what she was going to say. Mumbling various introductions to herself as she mounted the steps and rang the bell. Nerves taking hold for the first time as she heard it's echo through the house, followed swiftly by footsteps making their way towards the door. Emily took a deep, steadying breath just as the front door swung open and Maureen came into view.

"Emily." A slideshow of expressions flashed across Maureen's features as she greeted her, suprise, pleasure, a hint of worry and concern. "What are you doing here? Not that I'm not happy to see you but..." She pushed the screen door open to usher her inside, her gaze searching over Emily's shoulder as she moved to let her enter. "Is Paige..."

"Paige is fine. No, she's not with me. I was hoping to speak with you and Nick alone. Is he here?" She realized belatedly that just showing up on their doorstep might not have been the best method of approach. She should have called ahead and made sure they were both home, and that they weren't busy. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have just come by."

"Sweetie, it's fine. You're welcome here anytime," Maureen guided her through the foyer and into the living room with a gentle hand against her back. "Nick is in his study. I'll go get him. Make yourself at home." She gestured to the sofa before starting to back out of the room. "Can I get you anything? Water? Something to eat?"

"No, thank you. I'm fine." She knew the knots in her stomach would make it impossibe to keep anything down. The nerves she had been expecting on the car ride over hitting her full force now that she was in the McCullers living room.

"Are you okay, Emily?" Maureen peered at her in concern.

"I'm fine." Her words came out shakier than she would have liked, and her smile of reassurance felt tight and strained. Emily doubted that either were very convincing, but Maureen didn't press. She turned on her heel and strode out of the room, leaving Emily alone to attempt to calm herself down before Paige's parents returned.

It couldn't have been more than a minute before she heard footsteps returning. Nick, followed closely by Maureen, made their way into the room at a rushed, rapid pace. She didn't know what Maureen had said to get him into the room so quickly but she felt guitly for the worry etched across both their features.

She hadn't even started yet and already she was bungling things. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. As Nick and Maureen settled into the easy chairs across from her she contemplated telling them that she had made a mistake and leaving. Though she knew that an abrupt departure would do little to decrease their concern.

The silence in the room was heavy and tense as Emily's throat worked as she tried to come up with an opening. All the rehearsed words banished from her thoughts by nerves and uncertainty.

Maureen and Nick held themselves still, waiting, though she could see evidence of their nervous anticipation. Maureen held herself stiffly, barely breathing, her hands clutching tightly to the couch cushions beneath her. Nick's jaw worked restlessly and his nostrils flared as he tried to regulate his breathing. All traits she had seen Paige exhibit at one time or another as she tried to keep her nerves, temper or emotions in check. The familiar mannerisims were oddly calming and reassuring to Emily. And she felt her reslove strengthen, her confidence returning.

These were not people to be feared. They loved their daughter and by all accounts loved Emily as well. These were not the same parents that Paige spoke so achingly about fearing and dissapointing when she was a teenager. They had accepted Paige's sexuality and the girls relationship long ago. This was not a conversation to be afraid of. It was one to be embraced. To be celebrated.

"Mr and Mrs McCullers." Emily took a breath and ran her palms, not sweaty and clammy, along her thighs. "Nick. Maureen. I love your daughter. With all my heart. And I would like to spend the rest of my life with her. I'm here asking you for your daughter's hand."

"Oh, Emily." Maureen's voice was a bare whisper. Her eyes welled with tears a moment before she was up on her feet, fairly launching herself at Emily. "Oh, Em."

Had she not been sitting, the force of the the hug would have knocked her off her feet. As it was she was having difficulty remaining upright. But she welcomed the crushing embrace. Her own emotions swelling up to match those of Paige's mother as she wraped her arm around Maureen's back and returned pressure.

Her interactions with Paige's parents had been limited but being in their presence she could sense how important these two people were to her. And she knew how much their love and approval mattered to Paige. How much she had struggled for it as a kid. How proud she was to still have it, despite everything that could have torn them apart. Even though she didn't really doubt they'd be on board with this, it was still nice to have explicit confirmation.

"So, I take it that's a yes then?" she choked, attempting to lighten the mood.

Maureen huffed a laugh and pulled back. "It's most definitely a yes." She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and offered a watery smile. Emily dabbed at her own eyes, wich were similarly, filled with tears and then turned to Nick. Her heart stuttered painfully in her chest when she found him hunched forward in his seat, his head in his hands. She cast a questioning glance at Maureen, who returned to his side.

"Nick?" She touched his shoulder gently. Her jerked, as if startled, his head popping up. He glanced at his wife, and then Emily before letting out a sigh and rubbing a hand over his face.

"I'm sorry."

Emily's stomach clenched and for a moment she thought she might be sick. The only thing stopping the action was her heart, lodged firmly in her throat.

"Nicholas"

He drew back, startled at the sharpness of his wife's voice. His eye widened in confusion. And then realization dawned. "I'm not saying no. For goodness sake, Maur. Do you really think that of me?"

He turned to Emily, his expression softening. It was then, with his gaze focused soley on her that Emily noticed that his eyes glistened with unshed tears.

"I don't know how much you remember, and how much Paige has told you. But, I imagine that she has filled you in on...certain things from her past."

Emily nodded, not trusting her voice to speak.

"Right." Nick cleared his throat and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands together. HIs finger twitching against each other restlessly. "So you know that there are some things that I didn't handle very well, concerning Paige. But, I hope that you also know that I did what I did because I thought it was best. I pushed Paige. Harder than I should have. I know that now. But I did it because I wanted her to know that believed in her. That I thought she could do anything.."

Maureen reached out and rubbed his shoulder when he trailed off. He leaned into the touch, his eyes drifting closed for a moment before fluttering back open, his attention returning to Emily.

"I grew up with parents who didn't think I was worth very much. They never pushed me to do anything, to be anything, because they didn't think I could. Or they didn't care if I did. I never wanted Paige to feel like that. To feel like her existence was...inconsequential when in truth, it was everything. To me. And her mom. Of course, you can see how well that turned out," he said ruefully. "I pushed so hard I turned her into someone she wasn't. I pushed her away. And, I almost lost her. But, you brought her back to me. You helped her find her own footing. Become her own person. Find her own worth.'

Emily swallowed hard against the lump in her throat, overwhelmed by the way Nick was opening up to her.

"The two of you the life you have together...it's everything I ever wanted for her. From the moment she was born all I wanted was for her to be healthy. Happy. Loved. When she came out, I lost sight of that for awhile. And I lost hope that she would ever be able to have those things. As a parent, you have these ideals for how things are going to be for your kid. And maybe it's not fair, but it's the way it is. You'll understand better when you have kids yourself one day. But, being the father of a little girl, you have in your head these moments that you look forward to. Milestones.

"And when she came out, I thought I was going to have to let go of some of those moments. Forgive an old man for rambling," he said, offering up a disarming, crooked smile, "but that was my roundabout way of explaining that I was not rejecting your request. I was just a little overcome by it. This is one of those moments I thought I was going to have to let go of. My daughter's partner coming to me, asking for her hand."

Emily nodded her understanding. What Nick said made a lot of sense. And it certainly made her feel better about what she had thought was his initial denial. She was glad, now, that she had decided to come to them like this. It was clearly important to Nick. And she thought it sweet how similar his thinking aligned with his daughter when it came to this. Undoubtedly neither of them initially envisioned this scenario involving another woman. And she knew it had been an adjustment for both of them to accept that it would be. But, the fact that Nick was sitting across from her, unflinching at the prospect, said a great deal about how far he had come.

"For a long time now I have thought of you as a daughter, and I would be honored to make it official."

Once again Emily felt her eye welling up, only this time instead of a trickle of tears it was a full on onslaught that blurred her vision and ran down her cheeks in hot, wet tracks. She rose, and Nick rose to meet her. His arms coming around her in a strong, firm hug. She felt safe in his arms, secure. The way she did when her dad wrapped his arms around her. She might not know everything about this man, or their interactions, but she knew that she had, and hopefully would again, love him like a father.

"Thank you," she whispered as they pulled apart.

"No, thank you," he said, brushing at the tears on her cheek with his thumbs, ignoring the ones on his own. "You make my daughter very happy."

Maureen slipped an arm around each of their shoulders, completing the happy, tearful circle.

If not for Aria waiting in the car, Emily probably coud have stood there all day. But she had already made her friend wait long enough, so she gave her thanks and made her goodbyes.

Emily was still sniffling and wiping at her eyes when Aria dropped her off at home, though she knew she was going to have to get a handle on herself because Paige would be home soon. She took a shower and some eyedrops, but her eyes were still feeling swollen and stingy as settled in front of her computer to complete some school work before Paige got home.

Despite her interest in the coursework in front of her, Emily couldn't concentrate. She was too tense, waiting for Paige to come home. Every passing car had her jumping in her seat, expecting Paige to come striding in the door any minute. She was torn between wanting her girlfriend home with her and wanting her to stay away, knowing that she was going to have a hard time keeping up the charade of normalacy with all of her thoughts and excitement swirling around inside her.

When the front door really did swing open Emily startled, jerking in her seat and banging her knee on the underside of the table. Muttering a curse she pushed herself to her feet as Paige stepped into the foyer and dropped her briefcase.

"Hey," she called out, kicking off her shoes and draping her jacket over the stand as Emily, rubbing her knee, limped around the table to greet her.

"Hey," she called, then bit her lip to prevent herself from blurting out anything else _. How was your day. Will you marry me,_ was not how she wanted the proposal to go.

Paige closed the distance between them, a casual, easy smile on her lips as she dipped her head and brushed her lips against Emily's in a soft, sweet kiss. "How was your day?" she asked when she pulled back, much too soon for Emily's liking. "Hey, are you okay?" Her hands came up to cup Emily's face, tilting it gently from side to side as she peered at her in concern. "You're all puffy."

"I'm fine." Emily tried to sound casual, breezy, as she gripped Paige's wrists gently and pulled them away from her face, turning her head to press a kiss to one of her palms as she did so. "You know Hannah. She gets going and she has me laughing so hard I'm crying." She felt horrible for lying. Even if it was a good lie. "Nothing is wrong." She was glad that she could at least look Paige in the eye and utter that truth. "I promise," she added, when Paige looked at her skeptically for another moment, before her brow unfurrowed and she let her hands drop.

"So, I'm starving. I barely had time to scarf down a muffin at lunch today," Paige said. "And beat. I spent half my day running from coutroom to coutroom. What do you say to ordering some takeout and spend the night camped out on the couch?" She cocked her head and grinned. "We can grab some blankets, put on a movie. And not watch it?" Her grin turned leering as she wrapped her arms around Emily's waist.

Emily felt a flash of arousal low in her belly, a tightening of her skin at the suggestion. And though the prospect appealed to her she forced an eyeroll and feigned shoving Paige off her. "Is sex all you think about? You're worse than a horny teenage boy."

"I didn't hear a no anywhere in there," Paige said, swooping in for a kiss. Emily let out a disgruntled noise, but melted into it, then let out a shriek of laughter as Paige scooped her up and carried her into the living room, where she deposited her none to gently onto the couch before climbing on top of her. Apparently they were forgoing the dinner portion of Paige's plan for now. Not that Emily had any complaints about that. Despite her teasing Paige about just that as the other woman peppered kisses along her jaw and down her throat, until Paige's tongue lips covered hers, her tongue delving into Emily's mouth to silence her. She wrapped her arms around Paige's shoulders, pulling her in closer, and let herself get lost in the sensations of just being with her giflriend. Her soon to be fiancee.


	47. Chapter 47

**Author's Note:** I had intended to write this scene and the proposal as one chapter. But it's taking me forever to get through so I decided to split it up into two shorter chapters. I figured nobody would mind an extra update. Especially after the Emison of last night's episode. I'm sure we could all use some Paily fluff to pick us up.

Guest Yep, they're finally going to get engaged. Just not quite yet. Sorry.

Guest Thank you. We're almost there. I'm tryiing to get it just right.

Guest Thank you. That's very sweet of you. I'm glad you liked the scene.

 **Chapter 47**

"Are you sure you don't want me to take you?" Paige's voice preceeded her into the room. "I can call my boss, try to juggle some things around." She appeared in the doorway looking, in Emily's opinion, adorably rumpled.

She was half-dressed for work, and struggling to complete the task while carrying on a conversation with Emily. She stood at the threshold in the bedroom in her stockings, her skirt askew as she struggled fasten its clasp at the side. Her blouse draped open over her chest, the dark red of her bra playing peek-a-boo with Emily and her hair fell in a mess of tangled waves around her shoulders.

"Paige, it's fine," Emily assured her for probably the third time that morning. "You've asked for a lot of time off lately. Your boss has been good, but you don't want to push it."

"I know but-"

"Spencer said she didn't mind. She was in town last night, something to do with her mom's new campaign. And she has to head into the city for class anyway."

"Maybe she doesn't mind. But I do." Paige's brow furrowed and her lip jutted out in a pout.

"It's just one doctor's appointment. You don't have to be at every one."

"I know. But, this is a big one. You're getting your cast off today."

In truth, Emily felt bad about Paige not being able to be with her when she had her cast removed. Her friends had been invaluable to her since the accident, loving her, supporting her, helping her sort her life out. But it had been Paige who had been there every step of the way. Guiding her through her through boughts of anxiety and grief and celebrating every milestone, no matter how minor. By rights, she should be there with Emily when the cast got cut off. But, this doctors appointment was just a cover. Emily had some other things to take care of while she was in the city. Things Paige couldn't be present for. Like picking up the ring, which after two nailbiting weeks was finally ready. And gathering the supplies for the evening she had planned.

She had wracked her brain trying to come up with the perfect proposal plan, working through dozens of different scenarios, all of them more grand and elaborate than the last. This night was so important to the both of them, she just wanted it to be perfect. And she was so close to pulling it off. If only she could prevent Paige from inadvertently ruining it by tagging along.

"Once the cast is off, that's when the real fun stuff starts. I've got weeks of physical therapy ahead of me," Emily reminded her. "You can take me to as many of those appointments as you want." She was willing to add extra appointments to her schedule if it meant Paige dropping this.

Emily shifted up in bed. The blanket that covered her while she lay fell away as she sat up, and Paige's gaze snapped down to her bare chest so fast it was a wonder she didn't give herself whiplash. Softly she cleared her throat, and Paige's head popped back up. A blush darkened her cheeks as a bashful smile covered her face. It only served to make her look more adorable. Biting her lip against laughter at Paige's predictable reaction, Emily beckoned her over. When her face brigthened and she scurried over, Emily couldn't help the small chuckle that spilled out.

She loved that Paige was so unabashed in her attractions. The longing gazes that had left her feeling unsettled a couple months ago now warmed her soul. She loved the way Paige loved her. As cheesy as that might sound. It was one of the reasons she couldn't wait to put a ring on her finger. And why she was pushing so hard against Paige being there for her today, when really the last thing she wanted was to go to this appointment without her. Of course she wanted Paige there, holding her hand as the cast came off and she took her first steps without the details of her day, which had been carefully planned, depended on Paige not accompanying her into the city.

Paige slid onto the edge of the bed and Emily leaned forward, tugging the edges of her blouse together and beginning to button it. She got two done before Paige's hands came up and rested over hers.

"Wrong way, Em," Paige said, removing Emily's hands from her shirt and using them to gently pull her forward. Paige's lips slid softly against her own. The pressure increased as Paige pushed forward, easing Emily backwards. Soon her head hit the pillows and Paige was hovering over her.

As much as Emily longed to get lost in the kiss. As much as she wanted to wrap her arms around Paige's shoulders and pull her body down flush onto hers, neither of them had time to indulge in that right now. Paige had to get to work and Emily had to get ready for Spencer to come pick her up. She had a pretty strict schedule she needed to stick to today.

Reluctantly she put her hands on Paige's shoulders. And even though it went against every instinct, she pushed her away. Pouting, Paige pulled back. Emily hummed in sympathy and smoothed a hand across her face. Paige scowled at her a moment before sighing and pushing herself to her feet. Holding Emily's gaze she started to slowly complete the task of buttoning her blouse. It was Emily's turn to pout as she watched those equisite abs and breasts be covered. Smirking, Paige spun away and crossed the room to the dresser, where she picked up her brush and began working out the tangles in her hair.

Emily sat back up in bed, this time pulling the blanket with her, and settled against the headboard to watch Paige finish getting ready. Their eyes met in the mirror every few minutes, the two of them exchanging small smiles each time, until eventually Paige was done. She spun around and regarded Emily for a long moment.

"What?" Emily asked, getting the sense that she wanted to say something.

"Are you okay?" Paige asked after a brief hesitation."You've been a little weird lately."

"Weird, how?" Emily asked, immediately feeling herself flush, and hoping that the heat didn't show on her face. She had been doing her best to hide her excitement and the struggle of keeping her plans to herself. She thought she had been doing a good job, but clearly Paige had picked up on something. She was just glad that it wouldnt have to go on for much longer. Tonight she would propose and it would all be out in the open.

"I don't know, exactly," Paige said, her eyes scrunching a little as she tried to find words to describe what she had observed. "Quieter, maybe? I don't know. Just...off."

"I'm fine," Emily promised, feeling apprehensive even though she wasn't actually lying. She was fine. But, she was still keeping something from Paige. And even though it wasn't anything bad, it seemed Paige could still sense it. "Maybe I'm just tired. There's a lot going on right now. I've got my first batch of midterms coming up. We've been talking about me going back to work once I'm mobile again..."

She had been in contact with her boss at the clinic since the accident. Their interactons becoming more frequent as Emily's memories of her work and her collegues returned. She still wasn't in any state to return to her former position. Not only wasn't she physically strong enough to assist others in their recovery, she was still missing out on a fair chunk of her memories. Including much of her time at college and the completion of her degree. But, there had been discussions about Emily coming back to answer phones and observe appointments until she was at full strength and then could start retraining. Emily wasn't sure if she wanted to continue to pursue phyiscal therapy, but it was an interesting prospect she would at least like to explore.

"You know you don't have to go back yet. We can make it on one income for a little while longer."

"I know I don't have to. But I want to. Even if we're fine, it's not fair of me to put the entire burden on you." Emily put up her hand, forestalling Paige's protests. She knew what was coming because they'd been around this a few times before "And more than that, I want to. I need to get out of this house."

Paige frowned, looking hurt.

"Paige, I didn't mean it like that and you know it. I can't just sit around all day waiting for you to come home."

"I know, that's why you've been taking classes."

"Online classes. Which I love. And I'm grateful for the opportunity to get to take. But, I'm chained to my computer six hours a day. You know that's not me. I'm getting restless."

"Restless?" Paige's face fell, and Emily let out a sigh of frustration. That wasn't what she meant. And they didn't have time for this conversation right now. Every time that Emily tried to express some independance, Paige took it wrong and got her feelings hurt. They had been going over the same ground for days now, and were no closer to a resolution than they had been when they started.

"Paige, I love you. And I love us," Emily said firmly. "But we don't have time get into this now. You need to get to work. And I have to get ready."

"Yeah," Paige agreed. Looking crestfallen. "I guess I should go." She spun around and headed for the door.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Emily called after her, trying not to hurt by her abrupt departure. She knew that Paige was upset, but Emily would have thought they'd learned their lesson about leaving without saying goodbye.

Paige turned slowly and stared at her.

"Paige, come on."

Slowly, Paige's expression softened and she made her way across the room.

"Sorry," she mumbled as she approached the side of the bed.

"I know. Me too." Emily leaned forward as Paige leaned down, their lips meeting in the middle for a soft, sweet kiss. When they pulled apart, Emily tucked a strand of hair behind Paige's ear and then stroked her cheek. "You're worrying over nothing. I really wish you could believe that."

She took some comfort in the fact that this would all be sorted out tonight. She would propose and Paige would see she wasn't pulling away but was, instead, trying to help build a sturdier future for the two of them.

Paige didn't reply. Instead her eyes fluttered closed and she leaned into Emily's touch for a moment before turning her head to press a kiss to the heel of her hand and then pulled away. "I love you," she said simply, the emotion clear in her words.

"I love you too." Emily brushed her lips against Paige's once again. "Now go. Before you're late."

Paige pulled back with a soft smile on her face, looking lighter than she had all morning. Emily sank back against the pillows and watched her leave. She felt guilty for the breath of relief she sighed when she heard the front door close behind her.

She loved Paige so much it was hard not to just blurt out her question. Especiallly when she could see the worry building in Paige's eyes. Her resistance to Emily's plans outside their relationship making a bit more sense now as she realized that Paige had picked up on the fact that Emily was hiding something. In the past she had always been so supportive of all of Emily's endeavors. A little overpotective, maybe, but she had never so blatantly tried to dissuade her. Emily saw it now for what it was;fear. Of change. Of the unknown. Of whatever Emily was keeping from her.

That would all be behind them tonight. Paige would see that she had nothing to be afraid of. Or, at least she would if Emily managed to pull everything off in the time that she had.


	48. Chapter 48

**Guest:** Once again, I find myself apologizing for the length between chapters. I got a little bogged down in this scene. It's kind of a monumental moment for these two and I wanted to get it just right.

A special thanks to my person for our talk about writing this morning, it really helped me get out of my own head and get this scene down. 3

I appreciate you all being so patient with me. And sticking with this story through all it's up and downs and lengthy waits for chapters as long as you have. It means a lot to me.

Guest: I agree. Paige got a pretty raw deal on the show. And Lindsey's been put through some pretty rough stuff as well. Especially the last couple seasons. And I'm just glad they didn't totally decimate the character by making her be AD.

Nyxxn I'm glad you got a chance to catch up on a few of the chapters all at once. Sorry for leaving you hanging between the last one and this one, but hopefully it'll be worth the wait.

 **Chapter 48**

Emily jumped up from the couch when she heard the crunch of tires on the driveway outside the living room window, her heart suddenly racing, her palms instantly sweating. She stumbled forward when her newly un-cast, now significantly weaker leg gave way on her and just barely managed to catch her balance on the arm of the couch.

The doctor had given her a cane to walk with until she had regained her muscle strength. She had used it while out running her errands with Spencer, but had left it resting by the door when she got home, preferring to move around entirely under her own power. Even if her gait was an awkward sort of hobble. She was just happy to be free of the encumbrance of her cast and the last physical reminder of her accident.

Once steady, she shuffled slowly towards the door, wanting to be there to greet Paige when she stepped through. She stopped a few feet away and took a deep, nervous breath. Her hands shook as she ran them through her hair and her pulse pounded loudly in her ears as the seconds ticked by. She waited, and waited. But the knob never turned. Paige never stepped through. Emily moved to the window and peered through. The driveway was empty. Someone had pulled into the wrong one, or used it too turn around. It was the third time it had happened in the past hour.

Sighing, Emily let the curtain fall back into place and returned to her position on the couch. Once she had settled back down, she pulled her phone out to see if maybe she had missed a message. Nothing new. Just like there had been nothing new five minutes ago when she'd checked. Paige had called earlier, around lunch, sounding harried, as she'd told Emily that she would be late tonight. But she was now over an hour past when she'd said she'd be home.

Worry spiked through her, but she did her best to tamp down on it. Told herself that Paige had just lost track of time. It wouldn't be the first time it had happened. She'd seen how easily Paige got caught up in her work sometimes. And, being the newest person at her office, she often got stuck with the grunt work. Often times leading to late nights or early mornings, and even the occasional weekend call. It was just something that she had to put up with, that they'd both have to put up with. Emily didnt begrudge Paige's dedication to her job. She loved how passionate she was about her work and the kids that she helped.

Except for tonight. Tonight she wished that Paige were the sort to push paper around until quitting time and be the first one out the door. The image made her smile, though she knew that she didn't really mean it. She was just frustrated because so far things were not going to plan.

"Emily?"

She let out a yelp and jumped at the sound of her name. Her phone slipping through her fingers to land with a thump on the floor. She glanced up to find Paige staring at her, expression a mixture of concerned and amused.

"Paige. What are you doing here?" She asked, frustrated with hersellf for having missed her entrance. She had spent over an hour jumping at the sound of every passing car, but hadn't heard a thing the one time it mattered.

"I live here." Paige stooped to retrieve Emily's phone, checking the screen for damage before handing it back to her.

"No. I know that. I meant. I..." Emily sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "Welcome home," she said, standing and wrapping her arms around Paige in a hug.

Paige let out a soft murmur of contenment as Emily's arms closed around her, and another as she wrapped her arms around Emily's waist, holding her tightly for an all too brief moment before she pulled away.

"You're standing," she exclaimed, holding Emily by the shoulders at arms length, her gaze dropping to take in Emily's not castless leg. "You're...you got your cast off."

"Yes," Emily confirmed, amused by her apparent suprise. "You knew it was happening today."

"No. I know. I just...You're walking on your own again. The doctors didn't even know if you were ever going to wake up and now...now..."Paige's eyes shone with emotion as she stared at Emily.

"I know." Emily reached up and cupped Paige's cheek. She knew how lucky she was. How close she had come to not surviving. For all the pain and struggle that memory loss had brought, it was still better than losing her life. A fact she was even more aware of now, wth the bulk of her memories returned and a beautiful future laid out before her. This really was a monumental moment. For the both of them.

She genty wiped away an errant tear as it tracked down Paige's cheek. Her own throat clogging as emotion caught up with her as well. The gravity of the day finally catching up with her. In the doctors office with Spencer she had been so overtaken by relief that the cumbersom cast was gone, and then had been so focused on her tasks for the day that she hadn't processed any of the other feelings that having it removed stirred up. Perhaps she was waiting for Paige, so that the two of them could share in the moment together. As much as she had resisted having Paige accompany her, she really had wanted her there with her.

"God, Em." Paige's eyes drifted shut as she crashed their lips together in a kiss that was dizzying in it's intensity. No sooner had Emily melted into it did she pull back, both of them breathing raggedly as Paige rested her forehead against Emily's.

"You okay?" Emily asked after a long, silent moment had passed, and Paige's breathing still had a rough edge to it.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine." Paige pulled back, wiping hastily at her eyes and blinking rapidly to quell the tears. It was then she seemed to notice what Emily was wearing, her eyebrows lifting up towards her hairline as an appreciative smirk tugged at her lips. Much to Emily's confusion, the expression fell as quickly as it had formed, though she was clearly doing her best to hide that. Her lips twiisting into what was probably supposed to look like a smile but appeared to be more of a grimace.

"It's a special day for you. You want to go out and celebrate," she said, not sounding happy about the prospect in the least. "And you should," she added trying, and failing, to inject some enthusiasm into her words.

Emily loved her for her efforts. And as much as she did want to celebrate today's milestone, she was also aware how how stressful Paige's work days could be. Even with today being an occasion on two levels, albeit one that Paige didn't know about yet, she knew that the last thing her girlfriend would want to do would be get all dressed up and go out.

It was part of what had led her to the final decision on how to do her proposal. Initially she had envisioned a fancy restaurant with some elaborate scheme, like the waiter bringing the ring in Paige's champagne or having it baked into her dessert, but the more expansive the plans, the further away from the heart of the occasion she got.

After several days of planning grand public gestures she decided that she wanted their proposal to be a special moment just for the two of them. They could go out and have some wild and crazy celebration with their friends after the fact. But when it came to the moment when Emily got down on one knee and asked Paige to be hers for the rest of their lives, she didn't want a bunch of strangers looking on.

That's not to say that she didn't still have something of a grand evening planned for them. But, it would at least be in the comfort of their own home.

"I do want to celebrate," Emily said, feeling guilty for finding it adorable the way Paige valiantly tried to smile and look enthused. "But, I thought we could stay in tonight. I've had a long day. You've had a long day."

"Okay." Paige's shoulders sagged in obvious relief, the smile on her face becoming a genune one. "I just...you're outfit...I assumed..."

"Well, just because we're staying in, I see no reason why we can't glam it up a bit. What do you say?"

"I say, I think I might be a little underdressed." Paige glanced down at her work clothes.

The pant suit, while classy and professional was no match for the silky tuxedo pants and tailored white shirt that Emily was wearing. She had paired them with slender black heels and a vest made from the same silky material That combined with carefully curled hair that now hung in loose flowing waves and a light layer of makeup, just a bit of shine on her lips and cheeks and dark, smokey eyes created, at least she believed, a look that was dressy, and understatedly sexy.

She had hoped that Paige would think so too. Worried about it quite a bit, actually. She'd seen the outfit in her closet weeks ago, and assumed that meant she had worn it. But had no memory of actually doing so. Emily had no idea really, how Paige would respond to seeing her dressed in the manor in which she was normally accustomed. She had fretted all day over whether Paige would like it. Or whether she gotten so used to seeing Emily in skirts and dresses that she wouldn't respond to this new look. The way her eyes continuously roamed over Emily's body with ill-concealed hunger, however, told Emily that her fears had been unfounded. And now she was chastising herself for her insecurity. This was Paige. She would love Emily now matter what she wore.

"Well, I think we better do something about that. " She only hoped that Paige would be as equally openmined about the outfit that Emily had picked out for her to wear this evening. "I laid something out for you, upstairs. Why don't you go put it on while I go check on dinner?"

"You picked something for me?" Paige's eyes lit up.

"It's nothing slutty," Emily warned, seeing the way the wheels were turning in her head.

Paige pouted for a moment, before laughing lightly and turning to make her way up the stairs. Emily unabashadley watched the sway of her hips as she started up the steps, tearing her eyes away only once Paige disappeared around the corner.

While Paige was upstairs getting ready, Emily headed outside to check on the setup in the backyard.. She knew everything was in place and ready to go, but she needed to survey it one last time to reassure herself and calm her nerves. She stepped out onto the deck and suun slowly around, taking in all of the details, making sure that she hadn't overlooked anything.

While Emily and Spencer were out picking up the ring and running errands Toby had stopped by and strung fairy lights in the trees and in an elaborate spiderweb above the deck. When Emily had come home she had set a romantic table for two, complete with a white linnen table cloth, a single red rose in a vase and a tea candle flickering in a glass. She had hooked her ipod up to a set of outdoor speakers, classic rock and jazz played softly in the background, hopefully setting the mood.

She wanted this night, this proposal, to be the closest thing to the fairtyale they had both dreamed it would be as little girls. And maybe Emily was going to be the one getting down on one knee and sweeping the princess of her feet, rather than be the one getting swept, but she was okay with that. More than okay with it, happy to do it, if it meant giving Paige that one perfect moment.

And as she stood under a canopy of twinkling white lights, shimmering like stars against the velvet black backdrop of a cloudy night, the quiet tinkling of a piano drifting on the wind as it stirred the air, the fragrant scent of vanilla mixing with the more musky, earthy tones of being outdoors, she felt a quiet thrill of satisfaction that she had hit her mark.

Behind her, she heard the slide of the screen door and turned, her eyes zeroing in on Paige's face expectantly as she stepped outside. Her heart seizing painfully in her chest for a moment as she tried to read her expression in the muted light.

"Em?" Paige glanced around as she paused just across the threshold. "What is all this?" she asked, her lips broadening into a grin as she took it all in. "It's beautiful," she breathed.

Emily let out a breath as well as she closed the distance between them. "Yeah." But she wasn't talking about the lights or the table, her gaze was firmly on Paige. Or more accurately, Paige in that dress. She had found it in Paige's side of the closet, so she figured that the other woman wouldn't be adverse to wearing it. And she had expected that Paige would look good in it, but she was uprepared for how good.

Paige glanced over, a blush heating her cheeks as she noticed Emily's gaze unwaveringly on her. She dipped her head and tugged at the hem of her dress, a bashful smile turning up the corners of her mouth.

Emily closed the distance between them, only stumbling a little bit on her weakened leg, and tipped Paige's chin up to meet her eye. "You look absolutely stunning." Unable to help herself she leaned in for a chaste kiss, and felt the grin on Paige's lips widen against her own.

"And you..." Paige let out a low whistle when they pulled back, making a show of looking Emily up and down, her grin turning wolfish. "You should wear the pants more often," she joked, her hands finding Emily's hips and pulling her in for another, deeper kiss.

For all Emily was running this show, she was more than happy to follow Paige's lead for the moment. She wrapped her arms around Paige's neck and melted into her. Paige's lips moved moved smoothly, insistently, against her own as her tongue delved into Emily's mouth. Her arms tigthened around Emily's waist until their bodies were pressed firmly together. A low murmur rose from the back of Paige's throat, spilling from her lips as they parted for a breath, followed by a soft sigh of contentment as she laid her head against Emily's shoulder. The two of them just standing there, holding each other, swaying lightly to the music.

They danced slowly to a few songs. Emily happily could've done so for the entire night but she had plans for them. And she could feel the rumble in Paige's stomach, telling her that it was well past time for Emily to feed her.

Somewhat reluctantly, Emily stepped back from Paige's embrace, taking her hand instead and leading her across the deck to the table.

She had made a cold pasta salad for dinner. Chicken and sundried tomatoes with a balsamic vinagrette dressing. It was a summer favorite of Paige's, and even though the weather was starting to cool, the evening air carrying a bit of a chill, she still felt that the dish was suitable. Considering the late start they were getting to dinner, she was especially glad that she hadn't prepared anything hot. Along with the salad she had a fresh baked loaf of pumpernickle bread and some home made spinach dip and a peach pie for dessert, complete with whip cream and caramel for topping. The whole of the meal lay spread out on the table in offerring. Paige, catching site of Emily's handiwork let out a long, low whistle as Emily pulled out her chair for her.

"This all looks lovely," Paige said, surveying the spread as Emily circled around the table to take a seat across from her. "And not that I'm not appreciative. I look forward to every bite. But, isn't it a little much?" She leaned her elbows on the table and met Emily's eye. "I mean, I know we're celebrating getting your cast off but I thought we'd do that with pizza and ice cream. Or a romantic evening walk, y'know?"

Butterflies fluttered in Emily's stomach and she took a quick, nervous breath. She had intended to wait until after the meal was finished, once they were both pleasantly stuffed and sleepy and content, but Paige had presented a perfect opening for her. All she had to do was slip her hand into her pocket and pull out the ring, slide down onto one knee and try like hell to remember one of the eloquently worded speeches that she had been preparing for the past week or so. All of which seemed to have fled her mind in the past two seconds.

She had been eagerly looking forward to making this proposal, so caught up in the anticipation and the planning that she hadn't accounted for how difficult it would be to actually do it. Now that the time had come she was tingly and jittery with nerves, anxious to make this moment special. To get it right. She only had one shot at it. And if bumbled it, that would be the story they would be telling friends and family for years to come. She didn't want to be known as the girl who tried to propose and didn't get the words right or dropped the ring down between the deck slats or one of a thousand other worst case scenarios that were now running through her mind.

Across the table, Paige's brows furrowed and her lips turned down in a frown. "Em?" she leaned a little further across the table, reaching out with one hand to place it on Emily's arm. "Are you all right?"

Seeing the concern reflected in Paige's eyes, Emily took another quick breath and nodded her head.

"I'm fine."

The high pitched breathy whisper that her voice came out as did little to reassure Paige that she was telling the truth. Her eyes grew wide and her lips pursed, tension appearing in her jaw and shoulders.

Knowing that there was no way she was was going to lie her way out of this, or convince Paige that this elaborate dinner date was something she had just thrown together for the heck of it, Emily took a deep breath and stuck her hand into her pocket. The cold hard edges of the ring box digging into her hand offered a reassurance that steadied her and, with another deep breath, Emily slid out of her chair and onto one knee in front of Paige.

"Oh, my God, Emily. Are you okay?" Paige's eyes went wide and glassy with panic as she slipped out of her chair and onto the deck beside Emily, one arm going around her waist for support.

It took a moment for Emily to process what was happening. That Paige had somehow mistake her movement for distress of some kind. And that she was now somewhat frantically trying to assses what was wrong, her free hand sliding up and down Emily's body, her eyes peering intently into Emily's gaze. Looking for what, Emily didn't know. Nor could she guess what Paige thought she would be able to do about it, if something was wrong.

"Paige, I'm fine. Please. Sit back down." Emily bit her lip, trying not to laugh at the absurdity of the situation. If she could just get Paige back into her seat, she could proceed as planned.

"Em, we really should go get you checked out." Paige's arm tightened around Emily's waist as she rose up onto her knees herself, attempting to help ease Emily to her feet.

"Paige, I'm fine. I don't need a doctor." Emily tried to shake Paige off, but the other woman's grip was vicelike.

"I could call an ambulance." Either not hearing, or not paying attention to Emily in the least, Paige cast about for her cell phone, a low curse falling from her lips when she realized that she was wearing a dress and didn't have it on her.

"Paige. Paige." Emily's voice was sharp, trying to pierce through the ever growing panic she could see in Paige's eyes, hear in her voice. But she knew it was futile. Paige was in such a state, there was no way she was going to sit back down in her chair and let Emily give some rambling but heartfelt speech. Sighing heavily, Emily pulled the ring box from her pocket and pressed it into Paige's hand.

Paige paused in her frantic actions and turned her gaze to the small black box now biting into her palm. She stared at it, uncomprehending. Then her whole body went still for a long, tense moment. Slowly her fingers closed around the box and she raised her head, her gaze seeking out Emily's. Her lips pursed with the unspoken question. _Was this what she thought it was?_

Emily nodded, unable to stop herself from smirking as she watched Paige's eyebrows shoot up and her nostrils flare, followed by a deep crimson blush that crept across her cheeks to the tips of her ears and down her neck. She watched in fascination as the color spread as far as the top of Paige's chest, edging down towards the cleveage of her dress.

"Now, will you please sit back in your chair and let me...?"

Paige nodded slowly and eased herself back up into her chair.

So much for a perfect, romantic proposal, Emily thought wryly as she plucked the box from Paige's grasp and repositioned herself, switching knees, as the one she had been resting on had started to go numb and tingly from being down on it for so long. Once she was comfortable, Emily reached for Paige's hand, lacing their fingers together and giving a gentle squeeze as she glanced up. Paige sat stiffly, barely breathing. Her eyes already swimming with tears and Emily hadn't even said anything yet. Happy tears. Emily 99.9% confident of that at least.

"Paige, I-"

"Yes."

Emily huffed a laugh at Paige's rapid fire answer to a question that hadn't even been posed yet. "Will you please let me finish?"

"Right. Yes. Sorry." Paige wiped her eyes with the back of her free hand, thought tears still continued to track down her cheeks as she turned to Emily expectantly.

She opened her mouth to speak, only to find that her mind was completely blank. Paige let out a laugh when she realized that Emily was speechless. She shot Paige a look, and got a mouthed "Sorry," in response, but it didn't stop the smirk from crossing Paige's lips or the amusement shimmering in her eyes.

"Shut up."

Paige snorted, her shoulders shaking with contained laughter.

"Whatever. Do you want this or not?"

Emily openen the box and slid the ring from it's velvet bedding. The single diamond twinkled under the flickering fairy lights and the pewter filigree setting shone dully. Hannah's jewelry designer friend had done an amazing job, the intricate whorls looking more like finely spun lace than a heavy metal.

"Em, it's beautiful," Paige breathed, her eyes filling with tears once again. Her gaze fixed firmly on Emily's movements as she unlaced their fingers and carefully positioned the ring at the tip of Paige's finger, preparing to slip it on.

She blinked against the tears blurring her own vision, feeling suddenly choked up as the moment was upon them. Her hands shook and she fumbled the ring, missing Paige's finger and nearly dropping it. She caught it before it could slip between her fingers and fall to the deck. She closed her hand around the ring, the smooth cool metal and the edges of the diamon digging into her palm, calming and anchoring her much like the box had done moments before.

A steadyness and resolve washed over her. There was no reason to feel flustered. No need for nerves. This moment, as imperfect as it had been since they'd sat down, was the culmination of the last ten years of her life. The journey towards it might have been a bit rocky, fraught with obstacles and setbacks. But that only made it all the more sweeter now that they were here.

She raised her gaze, meeting Paige's eyes and offering up a smile. The corners of Paige's lips curled up in an answering smile that only grew wider as Emily slipped the ring onto her finger, easing it past her knuckles to settle at its base.

For a long moment they both sat there, silently staring down at the engagement ring now glittering on Paige's finger. Emily rolled the phrase around in her head. Engagement ring. She was now engaged. She was going to marry Paige. Before she'd had a chance to fully process that, she felt the cool press of metal against her cheek as Paige's hand cupped her face and guided her in a kiss.


	49. Chapter 49

**Author's Note:** Once again I find myself apologizing for the length of time between chapters. I really am sorry. My computer has been uncooperative to say the least. I had to re-write several sections of this chapter a couple times thanks for them being accidentally deleted. I hope that, despite the wait, you can enjoy the chapter nonetheless. Thank you for your patience. I know it's frustrating having to wait, especially nowdays, when we all need all the positive Paily we can get. A special shoutout to my person for listening to me stress over getting this chapter written and re-written.

Guest: Thank you. I'm glad that you could visualize the scene. That's exactly what I was aiming for.

Guest. I agree. They both deserve to be happy, but Paige especially deserves this moment.

Cintillo-Thank you.

Guest I ended the chapter where I thought it needed to end. But I meant to have a continuation-this chapter-up much sooner. Hopefully this will satisfy your want of what happens next even if not everything you mentioned was addressed.

Guest: To be honest I got stuck trying to write out a romantic proposal, hence why Emily didn't give one. Maybe I'll do better with the wedding vows. lol. I'm glad that even knowing the outcome didn't take away from the scene.

Guest. Yeah she did.

Guest Paige is a social worker. Her job is largely in an office, but it's also mentally and emotionally draining.

Guest As if there was any doubt, really, about what Paige's answer would be. But it was still nervewracking.

Guest. Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed the proposal. lol. Yeah. I'd probably react the same way. It's definitely a pinc yourself kind of moment, for both of them but for Paige especially.

 **Chapter 49**

Emily found herself giggling into the kiss as she felt a wave of giddiness wash over her at the momentousness of the occasion. Paige's grinned into the kiss, a soft chuckle escaping her lips as well. Her other hand came up to cup Emlly's other cheek, she gently cradled Emily's face in her hands as she kissed her slowly, languidly.

"My, God, Em," Paige breathed as they pulled apart. She rested her forehead against Emily's, her eyes fluttering shut. "I can't believe we just...I mean it's..."

"Yeah." Emily nodded, understanding and in complete agreement of the sentiment that Paige was struggling to express. It was surreal. Especially considering how close they had come to not making it to this moment. Thing easily could have played out very differently. Emily didn't know how, or why they'd been given this second chance but she would be forever grateful that they had.

Unable to express herself properly with words, Paige surged forward and captured Emily's lips once again, this time with an urgency that made her head spin and stirred a heat low in her belly. She rose further up onto her knees, pressing herself towards Paige as she parted her lips, deepening the kiss. Paige's tongue thrust into her mouth, stroking along her own, teasing it into a duel, as her hands started to roam along Emily's body. Gliding up and down her back and sides, sliding across her shoulders, gripping her ass, tugging her closer with every touch.

Emily went willingly, straining towards her touch. Her own hands far from sitting idle as they slid along Paige's back and shoulders, scrabbling for purchase against her skin. The hard wood of the deck bit into her knees but she barely even noticed the sting, too lost in the feel of Paige's mouth on hers, the her hands skimming across her body, and the elation of the moment.

Without Emily's awareness, Paige's fingers began working at the buttons of her shirt. She didn't notice until Paige's hand slipped into the gap and found her breast. She kneaded it roughly over the fabric of her bra before tugging the cup down out of her way. The cool night air had only a moment to raise goosebumps across her skin, hardening her already pebbled nipple, before Paige rolled her thumb across it, making her gasp.

The motion sent a wave of arousal through her, but also brought the moment into sharp clarity and she pulled away on a ragged breath. Paige tipped her head forward, chasing her mouth, and then turned to Emily, a pout on her lips when she realized that Emily wasn't teasing and had actually put a stop to things.

"Maybe we should take this upstairs before we give old Mrs. Winters a show," Emily suggested, referring to the elderly woman who lived behind them. Her back yard looked directly into theirs, and she was out on her porch most nights, sitting in her rocker and drinking iced tea. She was no doubt out there right now, and with all the lights hanging over the deck, would have a very clear view of what was going on.

"Let her watch." Paige tugged at the tops of Emily's arms, trying to draw her back into a kiss. "Teach the old-bat to mind her own business."

Emily pressed a placating kiss to Paige's lips before gently extracting her arms from Paige's grasp and, using Paige's knees for leverage, pushed herself to her feet. The protest she was expecting never came. Paige's attention was instead diverted to Emily's chest, half exposed with her shirt draped open and her bra askew.

"Perv."

Paige's head snapped up at the sound of her voice and she offered up a grin that was more leering than apologetic. Suppressing a grin, Emily extended a hand to help her up. Paige allowed herself to be hauled to her feet and took two steps towards the door before spinning around. She shifted from one foot to the other, glancing back and forth from the meticulously set table and the dinner that lay untouched and the door, looking so utterly torn it was adorable.

"What about the food? You worked so hard..."

Emily had worked very hard making dinner, but at the moment she could care less about the food. "It'll keep."

"Outside? With the racoons and the skunks?"

They could descend on it in hordes if it meant that Emily got to go upstairs and make love to her fiance.

"We shouldn't let it go to waste..." Paige took another step towards the table.

Emily appreciated her efforts, she really did. It was sweet how considerate she was trying to be, but sitting down to a meal, no matter how delicious it might be, was the last thing either of them wanted to do right now.

"It's fine," she said, giving Paige's hand a little tug, trying to get her inside. "There's leftovers in the fridge," she added, thinking that maybe if Paige knew that the meal wasn't a total loss she wouldn't feel so guilty about not eating. It seemed to do the trick. Paige allowed heself to be guided towards the house.

They made their way across the living room, into the kitchen and up the stairs, Emily's pulse picking up in anticiation with every step as they made their way towards their bedroom.

Emily let out a shriek as she felt her legs being swept out from under her. Her vision spinning dizzyingly as Paige scooped her up, bridal style, as they reached the threshold of their room. It was quickly followed by a laugh as Paige grunted and staggered under her weight, hefting Emily up onto her hip and adjusting her grip so as not to drop her.

"I think you're supposed to wait until after the wedding to do this" Emily said, wrapping her arms Paige's neck. The movement unintentionally threw Paige off balance and sent her careening into the doorframe. She winced as elbow connected with a hollow thump, but despite her sympathy for the painful sounding injury, she couldn't help but chuckle at the emphatically muttered curse words that fell from Paige's lips. She also had to admire Paige's resolve, not only did she not drop Emily, but her grip barely even faltered as she continued with her forward momentum.

In a few long strides Paige reached the bed, where she dropped Emily unceremoniously onto the mattress and let out another, louder, string of expletives as she cradled her elbow and paced in tight circles beside the bed.

Her amusement fading, Emily pushed herself up into a sitting position and then swung her legs around to hang over the side of the mattress and beckoned Paige over to her. Absently she wondered if they would ever be able to celebrate a milestone without one of them, okay, Paige, getting injured.

"Are you okay? Let me see." She reached out and snagged Paige's good arm, using it to pull her closer. She positioned Paige between her knees and carefully turned her arm so she could see the injury, sucking in a quick breath at how swollen the area was, a bruise already starting to form.

"This looks pretty bad. Maybe we should-"

"Its fine." Paige brushed off her concern with a shrug and gently extracted herself from Emily's grasp. Though Emily didn't fail to notice how she favored that arm as she moved.

Emily opened her mouth to point out how ridiculous it was for Paige to resist seeking treatment when she had been ready to call an ambulance on her behalf mere minutes ago, but shut it quickly, knowing that line of reasoning was futile. Paige wasn't half as concerned for herself as she was for Emily.

She careened through life, bumping and banging herself up and cheerfully waving off Emily's concern, but was on guard if Emily so much as stubbed her toe. She knew that the overprotectiveness came from a place of love, which was what stopped her from being completely annoyed by it. But it was frustrating at times that Paige didn't have as much regard for her own well being as she did for Emily's.

"Now, where were we?" Paige leaned forward and reconnected this lips.

Any lingering heistance or resistance melted away as her tongue swept across Emily's bottom lip before slipping into her mouth, deepening the kiss. A soft moan rose from her throat as Paige's tongue probed against her own and she melted into the kiss.

Paige shifted forward, easing Emily backwards. Slowly, clumsily, they shuffled backwards up the bed until Emily was lying against the pillows and Paige was hoving over her. She surged forward, deepening the kiss with a renewed vigor, only to let out a yelp of pain as her elbow gave out from under her and she crashed down onto Emily with enough force to expell the air from her lungs. Muttering curses, Paige rolled onto her side, then her back. Emily lay beside her, winded and struggling to suck in a breath. When she was finally able to breath mostly normal again, each inhale was still accompanied by a slight wheeze, she rolled onto her side, facing Paige, who was cradling her arm.

"Don't say it."

"Say what?"

"You know what."

Emily had to admit, she didn't really blame Paige for not wanting to go. At this time of night they would be stuck sitting in a waiting room for hours until some intern came and told them that aside from wrapping the arm there really wasn't a whole lot they could do. That it was just a sprain and ice and rest would heal it in a few days. It did seem like kind of a waste of time on such a special night.

If the arm was still bothering Paige in the morning, Emily vowed she would make her book an appointment with their doctor to get it looked at. But in the meantime, they should enjoy their celebration. They just needed to make a few minor adjustments to ensure that Paige didn't further injure herself.

"Actually, that's not what I was going to say at all." In one fluid movement Emily positioned herself over Paige, straddling her waist. Paige's hands came up automatically to rest on her hips, but Emily reached down and pulled them away. "What I was going to say was, you need to rest your arm. Keep it immobile. Elevate it."

As she spoke, Emily guided Paige's arms up over her head and pressing them into the pillow. She watched in amusement as Paige's eyes widened in understanding,

"Think you can do that for me?"

Emily bit back a laugh as Paige nodded emphatically, a grin spreading across her face. She knew that her excitement would be short lived, quickly overtaken by frustration at not being able to touch Emily.

"I mean it. If you don't keep your arm still, I'm going to have to tie you up." It was an empty threat. Emily knew the pressure Paige put straining against the restraints would only aggravate her injury, but she enjoyed the way Paige's eyes went glassy and she whimpered at the prospect. Again, Paige nodded her understanding.

Emily took a moment to revel in her position, it had been a long time since she had felt Paige's body under her. Had basked in the feeling of power that came from watching Paige twitch and tremble below her, the strength in the muscles beneath her evident, knowing that the other woman could easily overtake her, but that she held herself in submission to Emily's touch. They'd had sex certainly, since the accident, but Emily's cast had limited her mobility. She had been relegated to pretty much just laying on her back. It was nice to be able to be a little more aerobic.

Paige shifted her hips restlessly under Emily, a silent plea to get on with things. Emily was more than happy to comply. She ran her hands down the length of Paige's arms, her fingers trailing slowly across the sensitive skin on the inside of her elbows, her nails scratching lightly against her forearms. Paige moaned softly at the touch, her hips shifting under Emily once again.

She smoothed her hands along Paige's sides before circling back, brushing over her breasts. She kept her touch light and fleeting as she leaned forward and pressed her lips against Paige's in a slow, languid kiss. Paige whimpered into her mouth and writhed beneath her, lips parting as she tried to deepen the kiss. But Emily was already pulling away, turning her attention to Paige's jaw, dragging her lips along it's edge and flicking her tongue against the sensitive spot she knew to be in the corner. Paige moaned and turned her head to the side, exposing more of her neck to Emily's probing licks and kisses.

She took her time, kissing her way down Paige's neck and along the top of her chest, tracing the lines of her cleavage, even slipping her tongue down in between, before trailing kisses back up to the base of her throat.

Soft sighs and moans fell from Paige's lips. Emily could feel muscles coiling with tension. And though she rolled her hips subtly, she didn't buck Emily off. Didn't roll her over and have her way with her, taking her hard and fast. Despite, Emily was aware, how much she desired to. Sometimes Emily likened the feeling to riding a bull, sitting astride it in those moments before the gate flew opened and it bolted into the ring, bucking and kicking for all it was worth. She could feel the power, the strength, and also the trembling restraint. She loved pushing Paige to her limit, to that moment just before she snapped and took control.

Of course there were also the times she pushed Paige past her breaking point, reaping the benefits of her frenzied arousal. But this was not one of those times. She took special care to skirt the edges of Paige's limits as her hands joined her mouth, slipping the sleeves of her dress down over her shoulders and cupping her now bared breasts. She rolled thumbs across her hard, pebbled nipples, elliciting a deep, gutteral moan as Paige arched up towards her touch. Emily captured Paige's lips, swallowing her moans as she pinched and tugged at her breasts.

Paige's fingers tangled into the edges of the pillowcase beneath her head, gripping tightly as she parted her legs in invitation, her hips rocking up, seeking friction. Emily shifted with her, denying her the friction she so desperately craved, enjoying the whine of protest that issued from her throat.

Paige nipped at her lips in protest, but Emily merely chuckled softly and pulled away. She began a meandering trail down Paige's neck and across her chest, pressing lingering, open mouth kisses against her skin, going slowly, unhurried despite Paige's hoarsely muttered pleas.

She followed the curve of Paige's breast with her mouth, ascending it in everly smaller circles until finally she reached it's peak. She blew across the suface of the nipple, earning a low, gutteral cry and a shudder that ran through Paige's body from head to toe. Then closed her mouth around it, sucking hard as she lathed her tongue rapidly across it. Paige nearly levitated off the bed, another low cry wrenching from her throat.

Emily continued to work her up, mouth and hand manipulating her breasts in tandem, one being pinched, tugged and flicked while the other was nipped, sucked and gently bit. Her own arousal mounting with every moan and sigh and roll of Paige's hips. She ground down against Paige's stomach to ease some of the ache that throbbed between her thighs, though the mild friction it provided did little to cut down on the intensity of what she was feeling.

It didn't take long before Paige was begging, pleading for release, her entire body wrought with tension, her muscles coiled so tight she was bowed, poised in a perpetual arch, hips thrust skyward.

It was then, Emily relented, one hand sliding down between their bodies and cupping Paige's center. Her hand was met with heat and wetness. A grin tugging at her lips as she realized that Paige was not wearing any panties beneath her dress.

"God. Em." Paige's cry was followed by a whimper as she spread her legs even wider, parting herself for Emily, inviting her to take her.

"You're so wet," Emily marveled, running her finger shallowly along Paige's length, her finger sluiccing through the molten liquid gathered there with a satisfying squelching sound. It never failed to amaze her how responsive Paige's body was to her, how quickly and thoroughly she became aroused.

She pulled back, propping herself up on one elbow so she could watch Paige. So she could take in the way her eyes, heavy-lidded and glazed, grew dark, gleaming nearly black with her arousal. And the way her chest rose and fell in a rapid, uneven rythmn, her skin a mottled crimson under a sheen of sweat, with tendrils of hair plastered to her forehead and neck.

She couldn't believe that there was ever been a time when thinking about this, doing this, had frightened her. Being with Paige like this, seeing her unwravelled and completely vulnerable was breathtakingly beautiful.

"Em. Please." Paige's hips twitched up towards her touch.

Emily couldn't deny that she loved to tease, to have Paige spread before her begging and pleading. But withholding pleasure from Paige also meant witholding it from herself. Her fingers itched with the desire to slip inside her, to be buried up to the hilt in the silken heat that was Paige's center.

She increased the pressure of her touch as she slid back down along Paige's length, preparing to enter her. Only to be distracted by the shrill chime of her cell phone, indicating that a text had come through. She was all set to ignore it, but then there was another chime, and another, and another in rapid succession.

"Don't answer it," Paige pleaded, when she sensed Emily was wavering.

"It could be important."

"Yeah, well we have a pretty pressing situation right here as well."

Emily flicked Paige's clit, making her yelp, and then reached into her pocket for her phone. Paige shot her a disgruntled look, which she ignored as pulled away and reached into her pocket for her phone. She swiped her finger over the screen, bringing up her messages, and saw that the text had all come from Hannah, a series of increasingly more demanding inquiries about how the evening had gone. Sighing she tossed her phone onto the nightstand and turned her attention back to Paige.

"Sorry." She resumed her position. No sooner had her fingers brushed through Paige's wetness did the phone ring. Their landline. Which nobody called them on except for telemarketers and their parents. A quick glance at the clock on the bedside table confirmed that it was too late for either of them to be calling.

"Your mom," Paige whispered, after craning her neck to get a look at the call ID.

Emily leaned forward and scooped up the reciever. "Mom? Is everything okay?"

"Em, honey. I hear congratulations are in order."

It took a moment for Emily to reconcile the words and her mother's cheery tone with the icy sliver of fear that had settled in her belly when the phone had run.

"What?" she stared dumbly at Paige, who shuffled herself up into a sitting position against the headboard, brow furrowed in concern.

"What?" Paige mouthed back, reaching out and taking Emily's free hand in her own.

"Hannah texted me. She told me you were getting engaged," Pam continued on as if Emily hadn't spoken. "I'm so happy for you, sweetie. Though I had no idea you were thinking about proposing. You never mentioned anything."

Emily felt a flash of guilt over not having mentioned it to her parents. She had come to the decision and set things in motion so quickly that she hadn't the chance to tell them about it before the moment was upon her. The feeling faded quickly however as she remembered the scare that her mother had given them just now.

"That's what you're calling me about? The engagement? At nearly eleven o'clock at night. I thought Dad had a heart attack or something. Jeez, Mom." She slumped in place, her breathing a little easier but heart still racing from the near miss.

"A heart attack? Seriously, Em." Pam clucked her tongue, like it was the most ridiculous thing in the world for her to suspect.

Chuckling, Paige leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Emily's cheek, following it shortly with another one to her jaw, and another just below her ear. Emily scrunched her shoulder and pushed Paige away, only to have her come back on the other side. Emily bit back a moan and tried to focus on what her mother was saying, her excited prattling hard enough to follow without the added distraction of Paige nibbling on her earlobe.

She never thought she would find herself missing the days when Paige was so embarrassed by the prospect of their parents knowing they had sex that she would get as physically far away from Emily as possible if one of them called while they were in bed together. Sometimes even going as far as leaving the room altogether.

Emily "uh-huhed" her way through the conversation, nodding even though her mother couldn't see her and biting her lip every second breath to hold back a moan. She could feel Paige smiling into the side of her neck, felt the faint rumble of her laughter at her predicament.

She knew she should be paying closer attention. Especially as her mother went from gushing about the idea of a wedding to planning it. Between her and Hannah, Emily was going to have to be careful not to lose control of her own wedding. But that wasn't her concern right now. At the moment her concern was Paige slipping the straps of her bra down her shoulders and palming her breasts.

"I gotta go, Mom. Talk later. I love you. Bye." Emily stumbled over her words in her rush to get them out and dropped the receiver hastily back into it's cradle without waiting for response when Paige dipped her head and kissed her breast.

She huffed a laugh, which quickly morphed into a moan, and thread her fingers through Paige's hair as Paige's tongue swirled slowly around her nipple before scraping across the tip.

Emily's cry was drowned out by the bleat of Paige's cell phone, the flat tone indicating a text.

Paige's head shot up and she turned to shoot a glare at the offending object. "Seriously?" Her protest was accompanied by another chime. "Oh, my God." Paige buried her face in Emily's neck for a moment before leaning back and grabbing her phone. "Caleb. And Spencer." As she spoke, Emily's phone chimed. "I hate them," she muttered as she swiped her thumb across the screen to unlock her phone. "I hate them all."

Emily looked on in amusement as Paige took a photo of the ring on her finger and then posted it to her Facebook with a caption that Emily couldn't quite read. Not quite finished, she took another picture with Emily's phone and posted it to her Facebook, the _she said yes_ that accompanied it easy enough to make out, even from upside down. Emily winced, knowing that the move meant they were both going to have a million notifications to wade through tomorrow. But she supposed it was worth it to get back to their celebration. When Paige was was finished she turned both of their phones off then

tossed them into the drawer of the bedside table for good measure. Next, she took the landline off it's hook.

"No more interruptions" she said, returning her attention to Emily. A sly grin taking over her features as she slowly eased Emily onto her back.


	50. Chapter 50

**Author's Note:** Okay, guys, this is the final chapter. As you know, I have been struggling with this story for some time. As much as I love the characters and enjoy writing them, I've simply lost my way on this. I apologize for not being able to complete the story the way that these characters and you deserve but I tried to tie the story up as best as I could, hopefully bringing it to a satisfying conclusion. Or at least, as satisfying as I could do under the circumstances.

II want to thank you for your support and encouragement. It's been two years since I started this story and you guys have been amazing every step of the way. I've been a part of a lot of fandoms over the years, but the Paily fandom will always hold a special place in my heart thanks to all of you. It has been an honor to meet you, and to write for you. And even though I'm finished with this story, I will continue writing Paily, hopefully for a long time to come. A special shout out and thanks , as always, to my person for everything you mean to me.

Guest: Thank you.

Guest Unfortunately this is the end, but I'm still writing Paily stories.

Guest Yeah, totally a Paige thing to do.

Guest Thank you.

 **Chapter 50**

Between Hannah, Pam and Maureen, Emily and Paige barely had to lift a finger when it came to planning their wedding. A fact that Emily was immesely grateful for because as it turned out, she was over the moon excited about the prospect of getting married to Paige but she didn't care so much about the minutia. She had no patience for spending hours sorting through decisions like material for the table cloths, floral arrangements for the centerpieces, or china patterns. She knew that when the day finally came she wouldn't notice if the tables were covered in chantilly lace or a picnic blanket, if the centerpieces were wildflowers or weeds or if they ate off fine china or disposable plates.

Paige, for all her longing for a fairy-tale propsoal wasn't as focused on the details of the wedding itself as she was on the big picture. For her the day itself was about watching Emily walk down the aisle towards her, about saying her vows in front of their family and friends, about promsing her life to the woman she loved and celebrating their commitment to each other with the people who meant the most to them.

Emily trusted Hannah and her mother to know them well enough to take care of the details, and Maureen to reign them in when they got too exuberant. The only decisions she wanted to make her herself were the big ones, her dress, the color of the bridesmaids dresses, the song she would dance with her father to, and along with Paige, their first dance as a married couple.

Her faith in them was confirmed when Hannah presented her images of the church she had found for them a few towns over. A small, stone building built at the turn of the century. It was impossibly picturesque, on a long, winding country road with acres of rolling hills surrounding it shaded by large oaks that would, with any luck, be just starting to turn. The property would be the perfect place for their reception, hopefully outdoors under the twinkling stars but the common room in the back of the church would be just large enough to host them if the weather didn't hold.

When they had set the date, for their ten year anniversary it had seemed so far away. Emily felt certain that she wouldn't be able to wait those few months to take Paige as her wife. But the time flew by in blur of dress shopping and fittings and physiotherapy appointments and coursework for her online classes. She went back to work part time, starting off working in reception and shadowing the other therapists and as her mobility improved and her memories returned, slowly taking over a few patients on her own. The next thing Emily knew, it was her wedding day and she was standing in one of the church's dressing rooms being fussed over by Hannah and Aria as her mom and Alison looked on tearily while they waited for the ceremony to start. She had her something old and something knew in the form of the silver hair combs her mother had worn on her own wedding day and a beautiful silver locket and her something borrowed and something blue in her shoes and her garter. She was dressed, her hair and make up were done.

She was ready, and having trouble standing still under Hannah and Aria's ministrations. She fought not to bat Hannah's hand away as she tucked an errant strand of hair behind her ear for the umpteenth time or to shrug away from Aria's wandering hands as she fluffed and tugged at the folds of her dress. She willed herself to remain in place rather than bolt from the room and go running down the hall in search of Paige, who she knew was in a similar room, probably undergoing similar treatment from Caleb, Toby and Spencer, who were the members of her wedding party. And she had no doubt that Maureen was as equally teary eyed as Pam was.

It had been just over twelve hours since they had seen each other last. Hannah had whisked Emily off to her place last night, insisting that it was bad luck for the two of each other on their wedding night. Though Emily had enjoyed the impromptu girls night of wine and junk food and gossip and pampering she missed Paige. It was the first night they had spent apart since just after Emily returned home from the hospital, and even though she knew that it was only a temporary separation and that they would be together again in a mere few hours it was still a tough adjustment. Sleeping beside Aria, despite the other woman's propensity for cuddling, was not the same thing as sleeping next to Paige.

She couldn't wait to see Paige again, to lay eyes on her in her wedding outfit. She had no idea if she were wearing a dress or a suit, they had agreed to keep their decisions a suprise for each other. Hannah's insistance that it was bad luck to see the other's outfit not withstanding, they both thought it would add an extra touch to their special day. But, even more than wanting to see Paige, she couldn't wait to say her vows, to tie herself to Paige for the rest of her life. A part of her felt like the vows were perfunctory at this point. They had already proven their devotion to each other. Had already been through better and worse, sickness and health and come out stronger for it. But that only made the opportunity to committ themselves to each other all the more powerful. She couldn't wait to slip that ring on Paige's finger, and have Paige slip one onto hers in return, claiming each other for all the world to see. And she chafed under the minutes which ticked slowly by.

"Nervous?" Aria asked, picking up on her restlessness, but misinterpreting it. She gave Emily a sympathetic smile and rubbed her arm.

Emily was nervous, but not for the reasons that her friend might assume. She was absolutely certain about her desire to marry Paige. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that it wasn't the right decision or that things weren't going to work out. No, her fears were that she might trip over her dress or that her leg might give out on her or that she would mess up her vows or fumble the ring. All eyes would be on her today, and she wasn't comfortable being the center of attention. Their wedding was small, just family and close friends but that was still a lot more people staring at her than she was accustomed to and she didn't want to mess anything up.

Before she had a chance to respond there was a soft tap on the door and then it slowly eased open. Her father's head peeked around it.

"Five minute warning," he said as he stepped fully into the room. He looked downright regal in his suit. Though his military bearing betrayed him the moment he caught sight of his daughter. His face crumpled, tears glistening in his eyes. "Oh, Emmy."

She rushed into his arms, pressing herself against his chest and squeezing her eyes shut tight against the sting of tears. She couldn't afford to cry right now, it would mess up her makeup and she didn't have time to redo it. His arms came up to wrap around her, cradling her close as he murmured how proud he was of her into her ear. It was enough to be her undoing, so reluctantly she pushed herself out of his embrace.

"No crying," she said firmly, her warning about as effective on him as it had been on her mother, who had been a mess since Emily had first slipped on her dress.

He gave her a helpless shrug and a watery smile.

"Look at you two." Pam materialized in front of them, looking flawlessly beautiful and put together, despite red-rimmed puffy eyes. "My handome husband." She ran her hands along the lapels of Wayne's suit and rose up onto her toes to press a kiss to his cheek before turning to Emily. "My beautiful girl," she whispered, cupping Emily's cheek gently. Emily leaned into the touch, her eyes fluttering closed for a minute.

Enough of of her memories had returned for her to be aware how close to never having this moment they had come. Though it was a long time ago, her heart still sunk at memory of the look of disapointment on her mother's face when she'd come out. Her stomach still churned as she remembered the tense days and weeks that had followed as the two of them had tried to come to terms with each other. If things had played out differently, if Pam had pushed or Emily had pulled harder they might have done irrepairable damage to their relationship. Emily might not have her mother standing in front of her, teary and overly emotional but also beaming with pride and supportive on her wedding day.

"I love you, Mom." Emily drew her mom into a hug.

"I love you too, Em." Pam pressed a kiss to her temple and then stepped back, wiping delicately at her eyes as she did so. "I should get out there." With another gentle pat to Emily's cheek she was gone, heading into the chapel to take her seat, Wayne guiding her out with a hand at the small of her back.

"We should get into place as well," Aria stepped in and wrapped her arms around Emily in a tight hug. "Don't worry about a thing," she said softly in such a way that Emily wondered if she hadn't in fact known exactly what the source of her nerves were. "You'll do great out there," she added, confirming Emily's suspicions.

"Thank you." Emily offered up grateful smile.

"You make a beautiful bride," Alison said, stepping into place in front of Emily with a soft smile and wrapping her arms around her in a gentle hug.

Emily was glad that Alison had been able to make it. She knew that with their history things could have been weird. Her first crush and sort of ex not only attending her wedding but also one of her bridesmaids. But the past few days with her here had been wonderful. They'd connected like the old friends that they were, and Alison had even brought a date. A man that she had been seeing for the past couple months. Emily was looking forward to getting to know him a little better at the reception.

Alison brushed a kiss against Emily's cheek and then trailed after Aria. It was just Hannah and Emily now. She turned to Hannah expectantly, awaiting some blithe remark or witty quip only to find her maid of honor with her head tipped back, fanning her face and blinking back tears.

"Hannah." Emiy groaned, knowing that if Hannah broke then she would be a goner as well.

"I'm just going to go." Without making eye contact Hannah spun and hurried from the room, leaving Emily alone as the music started to play.

She moved towards the doorway, listening to the murmurs of the crowd as the procession started. They had decided to have Emily's bridesmaids and Paige's groosman walk down the aisle together in pairs, followed by Paige and Nick, then Emily and Wayne. That way Paige would get the experience of walking down the aisle with her father as well as standing at the altar and watching Emily walk towards her. She had felt torn between the two choices, knowing how much her father had dreamed of walking her down the aisle, not to mention her fantasies of it as a child while also wanting to be standing at the altar to greet Emily, a fantasy from her adolescent and adult years.

The murmur of the crowd elevated, presumably as Paige made her entrance and Emily took a few steps closer to the doorway on instinct, yearing to be near her. Just then her father appeared around the corner, eyes glassy with unshed tears but a broad, beaming grin on his face.

"Shall we?" He offered her his elbow.

Emily accepted, wrapping her hand around his firm bicep, a jolt of excited energy passing through her. She forced herself not to rush, to time her steps to the music as they stepped through the double doors at the head of the aisle.

All eyes turned to her, but Emily only felt one set. As everyone stared at her, she stared down the aisle towards Paige, a small gasp escaping her lips as she caught sight of her. She was dressed in a a wite tux, her hair in flowing curls around her shoulders. She stood at the altar, staring down the aisle at Emily, eyes alight with excitement, a wide beaming grin across her face. When their gazes met, Emily stumbled, only her father's arm in her grip keeping her upright. For her part, Paige seemed to sway in place, Caleb's arm slipping around her waist to steady her.

The tears that Emily had managed to keep at bay all day began to flow in earnest. Her vision blurred, sea of faces around her, the girls in their dark blue dresses and the guys in their grey suits blurred into a swirl of colors.

Somehow she managed to make it up the aisle without falling, her father's sure stride keeping her steady until they reached the altar and after a kiss to her cheek and a gentle squeeze he released her to go take his seat beside her mother. She blinked and wiped discretely at her eyes, hoping that her mascara really was waterproof.

"Oh, Em." Breaking rank, Paige stepped forward and gathered her into her arms, hugging her tightly. Emily clung to her as another wave of tears spilled forth. The strong, steady, if not slightly rapid, beat of Paige's heart and the gentle rasp of her breath calmed her and she pulled back. Pressing a soft, sweet kiss to Paige's lips she released her completely and moved to stand in place in front of Pastor Michaels, who would be peforming their service. Paige took her place as well, the two of them staring at each other as he began his speech.

Emily knew that she should be paying more attention to the ceremony. That she should be soaking up every moment as Aria and Ezra read poems about timeless love and romance and Nick read a verse from the bible and Pastor Michaels said more warm, glowing words about their love and connection. She knew that these things were all very important and she should be paying attention, but all she could do was stand there and stare at Paige, who stood staring back at her love and devotion reflected in her gaze.

It felt so surreal, to be standing here, to be waiting to say her vows. To be about to become somebody's wife. She almost couldn't believe it. And, she couldn't wait to say her "I do's."

She felt a grin tugging at her lips, a smile of pure giddyness and elation. Laughter bubbled up in her throat and she fought to contain it.

"Stop it," Paige commanded lowly, her lips barely moving, her voice barely audible as she tried not to interrupt the ceremony. She attempted to look stern, but it only served to make Emily's laughter swell. Her chest hurt with the effort of containing it. Slowly, Paige began to shake her head. "Em," she warned again. "Dammit, Emily." She averted her gaze, but it was too late, her shoulders began to shake with the effort of concealing her own laugther, giddyness overtaking her as well.

Pastor Michaels paused, staring at them in consternation. "Shall I continue?" he asked, his question pitched low so only the two of them would hear.

Emily nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

"For the love of God, get this over with," Paige muttured through tight lips, shoulders rigid in her effort to contain herself.

"Very well," he said softly, before continuing on in his normal voice, the whole exchange taking only seconds and creating barely a hitch in the ceremony.

"Now it is time for these two to say their vows. Emily-"

"I do," she blurted.

"We're not quite there yet," Pastor Michaels said with a faint chuckle. Emily blushed, and ducked her head, but not before she noticed Paige staring at her, an amused grin on her face.

"Emily Michelle Fields, do you take Paige Ann McCullers to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, in sickness and in health. For richer or for poorer. For better or worse. As long as you both shall live?"

Emily was so busy staring deep into Paige's eyes, lost in the depth of love and adoration that she saw reflecting back at her that she almost didn't notice that Pastor Michael had finished speaking.

"Now is when you say I do, Emily," he added in an undertone, much to Paige's amusement. She huffed a laugh.

"Shut up," Emily murmured softly. "I do," she said in a louder voice, her words coming out strong and sure.

The amusement on Paige's face melted into pleasure, the teasing grin morphing into a wide, beaming smile.

"Now, Paige Ann McCullers, do you take Emily Michelle Fields to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, in sickness and in health. For richer or for poorer. For better or worse. As long as you both shall live?"

"I do." Where Emily's words had come out strong and certain, Paige's sounded shaky and soft, her voice wavering with the tears that pooled in her eyes.

"Aww, sweetie." Emily couldn't help herself from reaching out and cupping Paige's face so she could wipe the tears from her cheeks. Paige's eyes fluttered shut at her touch, and she brought her hands up to wrap around Emily's wrists, holding her hands in place for a moment before gently easing them away.

"May I have the rings please?" Pastor Michael's voice broke into their moment. He turned to Caleb, who was acting as Paige's best man. Caleb dug into his pocket to produce the rings and handed them over.

"Would you take this ring to place on Paige's finger."

He handed Emily the thin silver band, she gripped the cool metal in shaky fingers and lifted Paige's wrist.

"Other hand." Paige gently tugged her hand from Emily's grip and replaced it with the proper one. She gave Emily's hand a gentle squeeze before splaying her fingers.

Emily slipped the ring onto Paige's finger. "With this ring, I thee wed."

Paige's movements were shaky as she reached for Emily, the trembling of her hand causing her to fumble her first attempt at getting the ring on Emily's finger. She then jammed it on with a little too much force when she finally did get it lined up. Emily winced as the ring bit into the skin, though the effect wasn't nearly as jarring as the momentousness of what had just occurred. She stared down at the silver band on her finger in wonderment, Paige's words coming as if from a distance as she repeated Emily's words.

"By the power vested in me, in the name of God and the state of Pennsylvania I now pronounce you married," Pastor Michaels intoned, concluding the ceremony. "And now, a kiss, to seal the union."

Emily didn't have to be asked twice. Using their still joined hands she tugged Paige closer and captured her lips for a soft, lingering kiss.

They parted to the cheers of their family and friends. Their guests rising as their wedding party ushered them down the aisle, walking side by side, hand in hand, as wives.

 **The End.**


End file.
